upworthy

generational differences

No, this is not a case of old folks not being "with it."

Different generations rarely see eye to eye on many things, but no topic seems to be so heavily debated as how to properly communicate via texting.

In the one camp, you’ve got the youngins who grew up with texting specifically—Gen Alphas, Gen Zers, and even millennials to a certain extent. In the other camp, you’ve got boomers, Gen Xers, and again, millennials who might not have texted all their lives, but certainly have more working knowledge of basic grammar and written communication.

So who’s the real authority? Ask a million different people, and you’ll get a million different answers. This is certainly the situation we find ourselves in with this story.

Recently, Jason Saperstone, a 22-year-old publicist in New York City, whose content consists mainly of cheeky, satirical PowerPoint presentations, created one centered on educating his parents on proper texting etiquette. Yes. He was attempting to educate them.

The primary learning point? The “exclamation” or “emphasis” reaction, aka “tapback” that you can attach to a message. According to Saperstone, his parents were using it wrong.

"Mom and Dad, I love you, but you need to get better at texting," he said at the beginning of his lesson. "So the thing we’re going to be working on today is how to use the emphasis."

According to Saperstone, you react with an emphasis when:

  • You agree with the sender.
  • You find yourself in the same situation.
  • Someone is ignoring you and you want their attention.

Is this news to you? Are you wondering if Gen Z actually understands what the original meaning behind an exclamation point even is? Or any punctuation, for that matter? You’re not alone.

texting, gen z, communication, generational humor, parenting, texting etiquette, powerpoint, kids We can't even agree on basic grammar?! media0.giphy.com

Saperstone’s parents (rightfully…sorry, my bias is showing) thought it should be used to show excitement or enthusiasm. For example, when he let them know that he happened to be in the bar that Alex Cooper, host of the “Call Her Daddy” podcast, was at, his mother used the emphasis tapback because she was “excited” for him.

“That would mean that you’re also at the bar with Alex Cooper," Saperstone argued, saying that she should have “liked” the message with a thumb’s up. Which, may I add, was previously labeled as "passive aggressive” by Gen Z…so why are we giving them carte blanche on all things text communications?

Luckily for Saperstone’s parents, folks rallied in the comment section either by agreeing with his mom’s interpretation…

“DISAGREE with the presenter and AGREE with mom. The emphasis on the Alex Cooper text conveys ‘holy sh**! That’s awesome!’”

“I kind of agree with Mom here! I use it like ‘omg, whaaat?’ Like in response to someone telling me something wild or exciting.”

“Not us all agreeing with Mom 💀 if you send me a thumbs up when I send you exciting news imma cry.”

…or by declaring that Gen Zers don’t hold ultimate authority on this topic.

texting, gen z, communication, generational humor, parenting, texting etiquette, powerpoint, kids When it comes to texting…the kids are NOT alright. media4.giphy.com

“Taking communication advice from Gen Z is like taking financial advice from Boomers.”

“Ok emphasis is an exclamation point and in grammar (which hasn’t changed its rules) it expresses excitement or surprise. So the older generation uses it as intended and the younger generation is making up their own rules.”

“What cracks me up is the fact that he thinks his generation gets to decide the meaning of ‘!!’ or any other emoji. Just because that’s what you have decided that’s what it means doesn’t mean you’re correct, or that another meaning of it is necessarily wrong. It means different things to different generations, and that’s actually perfectly ok. 😊”

And honestly, it’s the latter point that really hits home here. When it comes to texting, we can all agree to disagree with certain nuances. But in no way, shape, or form does Gen Z get to enforce its own made-up linguistic rules upon the rest of the world. Sorry. You can reclaim low rise jeans if you want, but we’re keeping basic grammar.

Image via Canva/Kampus Production

Gen X parents discuss biggest parenting difference between them and Millennials.

Parenting styles are always changing from generation to generation. And Gen Xers are taking note about how vastly different their parents' (from the Silent Generation and Baby Boomers) style of parenting differs from Millennials.

One Gen Xer shared, "Something I’ve noticed the last 10 years or so is how much parents are constantly 'doing' something with their kids all summer. I have a few friends that are much younger and have children of all ages. It seems like everyday they are going to the zoo, going to the park, going to a museum, waterpark, taking them horseback riding etc. It never stops."

After explaining the observation, they continued, "I just remember being a kid and playing outside all summer and maybe doing 1-2 things all summer. Do kids really need this much constant stimulation? Please correct me if I’m wrong. It just seems like A LOT."

@nostalgicjunkies1

80s parents gave us freedom. We played till sunset, rode bikes, and explored the world without a care. They trusted us, letting us grow with our own experiences. 🕶️💖 #80sNostalgia #Freedom #Parenting #ChildhoodMemories #90sKids #80sParents #Nostalgia #ParentingWin ! #nostalgia #childhood #80sparents #millenial #childhoodmemories #80sbaby #teenager #throwback #millennialsoftiktok #80snostalgia #nostalgiacore #usa #fyp #foryoupage #trending

Many Gen Xers agreed, and explained the value in giving their kids space growing up. "My kids are older now, but when they were young, I tried to do a combo of unstructured time and fun activities in the summers. We'd have a few days of unstructured time in a row, then hit a museum or water park or something to break it up. I think they both have value," one wrote.

And another Gen Xer added, "It’s not an all or nothing thing. Being around your kids 24/7 so they get smothered and never learn to make their own decisions is bad but our parents basically ignoring us all the time was just as bad. There’s a pretty large happy medium where you hang out with your kids sometimes while in other times you leave them to their own devices."

The post garnered further reaction, and healthy debate. Other Gen Xers disagreed, noting their parents could have been more involved with them growing up.

@b.u.p.c

Replying to @duanemclendon still raising kids at my age. #genx

One Gen Xer explained how their parents' hands-off style influenced theirs to be completely different. "We were also just kinda generally neglected. Like, I was in Little League in the summer, but I had to ride my BMX bike like 45 minutes to get to practice, and I for sure had to make lunch for myself before I left home. I suspect that part of what’s going on now is a reaction to that," they wrote.

Some Millennials also shared that they intentionally don't overstimulate their kids. "This has not at all been my parenting style. To take it even further, I feel doing so is ultimately a disservice to the kids, no matter how well intended. Too many children have become dependent on constant outside stimulation," one wrote. "Too many kids are too damn busy. Learning to amuse yourself is a life skill, and parents ought to be encouraging it. Let them just be once in awhile, especially on their Summer break."

@mrjackskipper

Am I right? #relatable #parenting #90s

However, other Millennials defended their more 'involved' parenting style proudly. "I read that on average working mothers today spend more direct time with their children than stay-at-home mothers did in the 1970s. That was pretty telling to me. ETA: My point being that parents in our generation in general probably spend more time with children," one shared. And another added, "My father once bragged to me he had never changed a diaper. It was not the flex he thought it was."

One Millennial parent summarized their parenting style succinctly: "I think it's because Millennial parents see their kids as human beings and not just something they had to make and raise cause society told them to."

“What they want is dishonest harmony rather than honest conflict.”

There are certainly many things the Boomer parents generally did right when raising their kids. Teaching them the importance of manners and respect. That actions do, in fact, have consequences. That a little manners go a long way…all of these things are truly good values to instill in kids.

But—and we are speaking in broad strokes here—being able to openly discuss difficult feelings was not one of the skills passed down by this generation. And many Gen X and millennial kids can sadly attest to this. This is why the term “dishonest harmony” is giving many folks of this age group some relief. They finally have a term to describe the lack of emotional validation they needed throughout childhood to save face.

Psychologists define the "dishonest harmony" approach as maintaining a façade of peace and harmony at the expense of addressing underlying issues. Parents who practice disharmony prioritize appearance over authenticity and are known to avoid conflict and sweep problems under the rug.

In a video posted to TikTok, a woman named Angela Baker begins by saying, “Fellow Gen X and millennials, let's talk about our parents and their need for dishonest harmony.”


@parkrosepermaculture

Replying to @Joe Namath #boomerparents #toxicparent #harmony #genx #millennial #badparenting #conflict #nocontact


Barker, who thankfully did not experience this phenomenon growing up, but says her husband “certainly” did, shared that when she’s tried to discuss this topic, the typical response she’d get from Boomers would be to “Stop talking about it. We don't need to hear about it. Move on. Be quiet.”

And it’s this attitude that’s at the core of dishonest harmony.

“What that’s showing is their lack of ability to handle the distress that they feel when we talk openly about uncomfortable things,” she says. “What they want is dishonest harmony rather than honest conflict. Keep quiet about these hard issues. Suppress your pain, suppress your trauma. Definitely don't talk openly about it so that you can learn to heal and break the cycle,” she continues. “What matters most is that we have the appearance of harmony, even if there's nothing harmonious under the surface.”

boomer parents, parenting styles, boomer grandparents, happy boomers, retired people An older woman on her laptop. via Canva/Photos

Barker concludes by theorizing that it was this need to promote a certain facade that created most of the toxic parenting choices of that time period.

“The desire of boomer parents to have this perception that everything was sweet and hunky dory, rather than prioritizing the needs of their kids, is what drove a lot of the toxic parenting we experienced.”

Barker’s video made others feel so seen, as clearly indicated by the comments.

“How did I not hear about dishonest harmony until now? This describes my family dynamic to a T. And if you disrespect that illusion, you are automatically labeled as the problem. It’s frustrating,” one person wrote.

“THANK YOU SO MUCH! I'm a 49 yo biker sitting in my bedroom crying right now. You just put a name to my darkness!” added another

boomer parents, parenting styles, boomer grandparents, happy boomers, retired people A happy older couple. via Canva/Photos

Many shared how they were refusing to repeat the cycle.

One wrote, “This is EXACTLY my family dynamic. I’m the problem because I won’t remain quiet. Not anymore. Not again.”

“I love when my kids tell me what I did wrong. It gives me a chance to acknowledge and apologize. Everyone wants to be heard,” said another.

Of course, no parenting style is perfect. And all parents are working with the current ideals of the time, their own inner programming and their inherent need to course correct child raising problems of the previous generation. Gen Alpha parents will probably cringe at certain parenting styles currently considered in vogue. It’s all part of the process.

But hopefully one thing we have learned as a collective is that true change happens when we summon the courage to have difficult conversations.

This article originally appeared last year.

Joy

Gen Zer tries to dub Gen X 'the worst generation.' Then a millennial steps in.

Her tongue-in-cheek warning reminds us all why you don't mess with the latchkey kids.

Gen X (left) Gen Z (Right)

There's something to be said about the now well documented sibling dynamic between Millennials and Gen Z. But before that bond existed, many Millennials grew up with Gen X siblings, learning early on not to disturb the sleeping bear.

Unfortunately, some folks in the younger generation, i.e Gen Z, didn't get this memo. One brave...or naive Gen Zer decided to declare that Gen X is "the worst generation" seemingly unprompted.

Young Padawan, Gen X minds their business grumbling through life unless someone summons them. We don't summon them.

gen x, millennials, gen z, gen z vs gen x, gen z vs millennials, millennials vs gen x, generational humor Yoda is not happy about this. media2.giphy.com

In a stitched video, millennial Laura High gave a succinct cliff's notes version of why it's best to not speak negative thoughts on Gen X aloud.

"I love Gen X. We all love Gen X...we all love Gen X," she said before bringing the camera close enough to whisper.

"Ok here's the thing, you do not seem to understand who Gen X is, okay? Gen X is Boomers if they knew how to turn a document into a PDF, okay. They do not Karen out. They get quiet and they get revenge," she warned.

The millennial then shared the secret kept by her generation: "we do not summon the latchkey kids unless it's our literal only last resort." She advised the unknowing Gen Zer to go to the edge of the woods to leave offerings to appease any Gen Xers that would likely be offended by the video. Commenters agreed with her sentiment.

@laurahigh5

Do you also like pissing off beelzebub for funzies? #genx #millennial #genz #generations #lol #joke #80s #vhs #movie #foryou #foryoupage #fyp #fypシ゚viral #fypage

"There is a reason millennials leave Gen X alone, and they learned it the hard way. My fellow Gen Z’s will learn soon… very soon," one commenter said..

"Elder Gen Z raised by two Gen X parents. I do NOT back the younger half of Gen Z on this. I’m running into the woods on their behalf and leaving Ferris Bueller for my dad and a DQ blizzard for my mom," another echoed.

"Last thing she will hear from the woods, Red Rover Red Rover, we call Karen Hashtag over," said a third.

If you've never played Red Rover with Gen Xers, just know you were lucky to have your head still attached to your shoulders after the game was over. There were no tears allowed and no telling your parents, they were gone anyway. In shot: Gne Xers are ruthless, and it's best not to cross them. Seriously.

Thankfully, Gen Xers are also open to peace offerings. Here are a few of their suggestions:

"I will accept ding dongs (in original foil) and a VHS of “the last star fighter” I will also except a mix tape if it include at mix of metal, new wave, and Yaz,"

"We will also accept any of the original Star Wars trilogy, Star Trek 2, Raiders, or Die Hard…though John Hughes films will likely will be the safest choice."

Moral of the story: tread lightly Gen Z. Tread very lightly. If you hear someone clinking together empty glass Coke bottles outside your door, do not come out and play. It's a trap.

gen x, millennials, gen z, gen z vs gen x, gen z vs millennials, millennials vs gen x, generational humor If looks could kill…media3.giphy.com

This article originally appeared last year.