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gender roles

Pop Culture

Woman's cheeky PSA to swap sports metaphors for makeup lingo at work has other women applauding

"The deal's not over before we apply the setting spray" needs to be said in offices immediately.

@arikraemerhq/TikTok

Can we please normalize this??

Anyone who’s worked in an office setting knows that corporate lingo and sports jargon go hand-in-hand. In fact, the two are intertwined within history, but that’s another story. But while there’s nothing wrong with “knocking it out of the park” or “being a team player,” what if workplace language took a more feminine turn?

This was the thought experiment that began after Ari Kraemer, a 32-year-old sales and marketing professional from Minnesota, began quite literally flipping the workplace script by injecting makeup and beauty metaphors into the conversation. Honestly, it’s something Elle Woods would be so proud of.

In Kraemer's first video, posted in May, she says things like, "I know we want to move forward with this, but are we adding the foundation before the primer here?" and, "I'm seeing buying signals here too, but the deal's not over until we add our setting spray," which beauty aficionados will immediately understand.

@arikraemerhq We’re gonna need a full beat to win this pitch
♬ original sound - Ari Kraemer

If you need a translation, Kraemer is basically suggesting that someone is getting ahead of themselves in the first statement, and that the “deal” isn’t over until a final, cementing action is taken in the second. So maybe like, “You’re stepping up to the plate without a bat” and, “The game’s not over until the clock reaches 0:00”? I don’t know…I’m not a sports person!

Kraemer’s silly-but-smart video quickly went viral and got such positive feedback.

"Great analysis of how gendered language is," one person shared.

Another said, “As someone who works at Ulta corporate, I’m using all of these.”

Similarly, another added, “I work in cosmetic science. I’m going to legit start using these at work.”

And of course, people were inspired to contribute their own suggestions.

"We're aiming for a natural glow, not a full beat."

"I think we're veering on blush blindness with this. Let's scale back."

“Great initial idea, needs a blending shade.”

“You’re trying to add lashes before the glue is tacky.”

"The client wants Charlotte Tilbury quality on an NYX budget."

Following her viral success, Kraemer has posted quite a few more of these bad boys. Including one below where we really get to see makeup and sports metaphors go head-to-head…ultimately coalescing in the most wholesome way.

See on Instagram

And to think, this all started after going to a work summit where the speaker constantly used sports metaphors, leaving Kraemer and a female colleague feeling isolated. "It kept distracting from his point," she said in an interview with BuzzFeed. "My female colleague and I joked about it, and I thought, Why not flip the script? Why do we always default to sports and war when talking about business?"

In a subsequent interview with Newsweek, she added that, "Traditional sports metaphors feel overused, and they exclude those of us who do not follow sports.” She believes her videos “resonated because so many women want to show up in ways that reflect their authentic experience.”

@arikraemerhq Replying to @anna f curtis • skincare stuff more requests from the comments and a few originals #corporatehumor #womeninbusiness #worklife ♬ original sound - Ari Kraemer

And for those who would like to infuse a bit more beauty gab into the workplace to give it a true glow-up, Kraemer even wrote a book, titled Touching Up, compiling some of her most beloved makeup-inspired phrases. The book, of course, is an unapologetic hot pink. Again, so Elle Woods-coded. Love to see it.

From Your Site Articles

language

Family

Mom's conversation with her son about 'weaponized incompetence' sparks parenting debate

"Learning to speak to our children in a way that serves them takes work but it matters so much."

@shelbiemarie7/TikTok

"Learning to speak to our children in a way that serves them takes work but it matters so much."

What started as a simple conversation about loading the dishwasher quickly turned into a viral conversation about “weaponized incompetence.” Particularly, how parents might be unintentionally ingraining the habit into their kids.

As mom Shelbie Huffman explained, she had her phone out to film something when a confrontation between her and her son, Calvin, erupted organically. Perhaps erupted is too strong a word, because as you’ll notice in the lengthy video below, the communication between both parties, while obviously frustrated, is incredibly calm and collected.

In the clip, Huffman first listened as Calvin tried to air out his point of view—primarily that she was coming at him with a harsh tone about cleaning out his bowl and putting it in the dishwasher.

weaponized incompetence, raising kids, raising boys, moms, motherhood, gentle parenting, parenting “But I will not give you step-by-step instructions when you are perfectly capable of doing something like this."@shelbiemarie7/TikTok

“I can’t take back that I didn't pick it up, so it’s not fair for you to tell me that ‘you were supposed to have that done in the first place.’ That can’t change until the next time. So what you should have said was, ‘Can you pick that up please and bring it up here?’”

After a bit more back and forth, Huffman then calmly explained to her son how he is avoiding taking responsibility without realizing it. “Here’s what I can do. Within that and what you need, I can approach the situation a little bit differently," she said. “But I will not give you step-by-step instructions when you are perfectly capable of doing something like this. You are perfectly capable of picking up your cereal bowl, dumping it in the sink, rinsing it out, and putting it in the dishwasher.”

weaponized incompetence, raising kids, raising boys, moms, motherhood, gentle parenting, parenting “What you are trying to do right now, you don’t realize it, but as an adult, as a grown man, this is weaponized incompetence.”@shelbiemarie7/TikTok

“What you are trying to do right now, you don’t realize it, but as an adult, as a grown man, this is weaponized incompetence.”

Weaponized incompetence, as defined by Psychology Today, is when someone “knowingly or unknowingly” demonstrates an inability to perform specific tasks, which, in turn, forces others to do said task. Back in my day, we called this Tom Sawyering, but the former does sound more like it should be taken seriously.

While this behavior can certainly show up in any gender, there’s a growing trend of women calling out male partners who utilize this technique to get out of doing their fair share of domestic work. After all, while our views on gender roles have shifted significantly, there are still many insidious ways they remain.

@shelbiemarie7 Sharing this conversation with my oldest son— I had my phone setup to make a different video when this conversation/ confrontation happened. I’m sharing for a couple reasons—1.) learning to speak to our children in a way that serves them takes work but it matters so much. 2.) learning to let them speak to us in a way that serves them takes even MORE work. But is worth it. #change #parenting #consciousparenting ♬ original sound - Shelbie Marie

In an interview with the New York Post, Huffman shared that it’s a habit she endured from both her ex-husband and father and, therefore, is something she strives to root out in her own son every day so he grows up to be a “secure and authentic man.” By and large, people applauded Huffman for how she was able to explain something as sophisticated as weaponized incompetence to her young son, and supported that it be taught to other kids his age.

“MOMS: START them YOUNG. Do NOT allow the eye rolling, voice-raising, goalposting moving, disrespect of weaponized incompetence in young men. Young women do not possess this entitlement. Fantastic job Ms. Shelibe,” read the top comment.

“He is 100% capable because he asked you for more direction but then apologized for not putin it in the dishwasher when he knew he should’ve. Teaching kids a bot weaponized incompetence!! Great job mom,” wrote another viewer.

“The way you just taught him competence vs weaponized incompetence is something that his future partner will 100% thank you for. I’m not sure he will retain that from this conversation because he was in his frustration but I hope you will continue to teach him that. It’s amazing to see.”

"This is SOOOOOO healthy. You’re setting him up for so much awareness and respect.”

Still, others were concerned that perhaps this exchange was an example of how gentle parenting can go wrong, leaving the parent disrespected and manipulated.

“You can tell he’s also manipulating and gaslighting SO well at the same time,” one person wrote. Another noted, “the fact that he’s blaming it on you for lack of communication for not giving him step by step instructions on how to do things even though he knows how to do it is very concerning.”

To that, someone replied, “If he continues talking like that to his mom, it won’t get better.”

“He is, in fact, trying to control the parent in the house,” said another.

In a follow-up video, Huffman actually noted that she appreciated the conflicting views her initial clip inspired, as “opposing perspectives is what perpetuates the cycle of life forward” (a great way to put it). However, she did offer a few opposing perspectives of her own.

@shelbiemarie7 Period. #parenting #consciousparenting ♬ original sound - Shelbie Marie

For one, she argued that, in her opinion, “Having respect and being respectful are two different things.”

“In a moment of weakness…you can actively be disrespectful. That does not mean you are a disrespectful person,” she said, adding that in her own journey of healing, she had learned that “labeling someone based on an independent experience does more harm than good.”

She also noted that in her eyes, respect is not synonymous with obedience. For her, it means taking responsibility, regulation, and, most importantly, repair—all of which she said her son does, even if he doesn't do it perfectly all the time.

Even if you don’t fully agree with Huffman’s take on the situation, the patience, reflection, and thought-provoking conversation she invites is commendable. And it seems that even if parents can’t agree on how it’s taught, they do agree that weaponized incompetence is something that should be taught to kids so that we have a generation of responsible, regulated adults.

From Your Site Articles

kids

Fatherhood

Dad with postpartum depression took his baby on a walk. It started a mental health movement.

"Because fatherhood is better together."

Canva

A dad takes his child on a stroller ride.

Kalvin Bridgewater couldn't quite put his finger on why he felt so off after his newborn daughter arrived. Sure, he was exhausted—babies can cause that. His wife was suffering with crying jags and anxiety, which, as a society, we often pinpoint as postpartum depression. They sought help for her, but Kalvin's mental health continued to decline.

He shares on his website, "I didn't even notice how much I was changing myself. My health was declining and my weight went from 200 to 265 from stress eating—food became my only comfort from what I now know was postpartum depression."

The National Library of Medicine reports that postpartum depression in men can occur soon after a child is born. "It is frequently reported in mothers but can also occur in fathers. There are no established criteria for PPD in men, although it could present over the course of a year, with symptoms of irritability, restricted emotions, and depression."

Bridgewater shares that one day he took their baby for a walk in a stroller. He was joined by about four other dads who would also take their babies for walks together. They started calling themselves the Daddy Stroller Social Club. "This grew to 75 to 100 dads coming out to these events," he shares on a TikTok video that's chyron reads, "These dads turned stroller walks into a powerful support group."

We see the words "Because fatherhood is better together," as Bridgewater continues: "We just started bonding, socializing and creating a community for dads. If we're able to share the knowledge that we receive and get the extra tools. That wasn't passed down to us. To not just be a better father—be a better husband, somebody better in the community."

Daddy Stroller Social Club (DSSC), their website makes clear, "was born out of a need for community. The vision was inspired by Eve Akins, a Dallas doula and her community of young mothers that get together on the weekends and uplift each other."

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The key for DSSC is not only to bond with one another and to be better fathers and partners, but also to spread the word about this rather common mental affliction. "We are committed to de-stigmatizing paternal postpartum depression through community-building, advocacy, outreach, and storytelling. By amplifying the voices of fathers and promoting early intervention, we aim to create a space where fathers and father-figures can access communal support, education, and the wellness services they need in order to be functioning caretakers of their family unit."

The TikTok and Instagram comments—of which there are many—are incredibly supportive. One person writes, "This movement is powerful and priceless."

On an Instagram reel where the DSSC writes "Propaganda we're not falling for:" they list, in part, "Boys will be boys. Toxic masculinity. Gender roles. Rest equals laziness." A commenter writes, "This is great that you all are dismantling the myths, men go through their own postpartum journey! A lot of my clients are males going through difficulty adjusting to this new phase of life. Let’s continue to normalize this."

See on Instagram

And one of the most exciting parts? What began in Dallas/Ft. Worth has now spread to chapters around the country. They're called "strides," and they are rolling out quickly—from Atlanta to Los Angeles to Philly and more.

It's concrete proof that just taking that (literal) first step can make positive change, not just for one person, but for an entire community.

From Your Site Articles

dads

Modern Families

Man says his wife asked him to 'pick up' perfectly tidy house and asks the Internet to translate

Theories abound on what she's really asking him.

Canva Photos

A guy needed some help and advice on how to 'pick up' a clean house

One thing you learn in marriage is that different people have different definitions of "clean." To one person, clean means your home is decluttered, everything in its proper place. Others might be OK with a few neat stacks of stuff or an odd pile or two. Others aren't happy until the baseboards are wiped down and the floor's sparkling. Some people are just content if there are no roaches or rats scurrying around.

Partnership is all about navigating these different expectations and coming together to make and keep your home. But that doesn't mean it's always easy to communicate about this stuff with your partner, or to meet their expectations. Throw in the fact that men and women are socialized from birth to have completely different ideas of their role in a household, and things can get complicated fast.

One guy recently took to social media with a conundrum. His wife had asked him to clean the house while she was out, the only problem was...it was already clean.

"My wife asked me to pick up the house while she was out. [Here's] the condition of house before she left," he wrote on Reddit along with a few pictures showcasing a pretty spotless (and quite beautiful) home. Now if you're nitpicking, you could spot a few clean cups in the dish drying rack and a small pile of papers on the kitchen table. But honestly, most people would be thrilled if their house looked like this!

What do you think, can you spot the mess? The man needed the Internet's help in translating his wife's expectations.

from pics

Experienced married people didn't fall for the trap, and laid some incredible wisdom on the man that can only be gained through many years of partnership. The easy answer might be, "She's nuts, the house is already clean!" But people who have been with their partner for a long time know better.

Some theorized that the husband might have a reputation for not cleaning up after himself:

"She's asking him to not mess it up while she gone. I.e. Clean up after himself."

"maybe that was a nice way of her asking you to clean up after yourself..."

"And to also get his cup that has been sitting on that nightstand for a week. Wife doesn't want to put it in the sink because it feels disrespectful to her that he would leave it there so long when the rest of the house is clean. She's cleaned up literally all his other trash and cups, but this is THE ONE he needs to do himself. She's wondering if he even has eyes or self awareness."

They gleaned all of that from just three photos! This is what years of marital intuition can do.

men, women, marriage, relationships, household, love, family, cleaning, emotional labor, invisible load, gender roles We love a guy who remembers to clean the inside of the oven.Canva Photos

Others with a keen eye were adamant that, upon closer inspection, there are tons of signs in the photos that certain people might not be pulling their weight:

"I can see that some of the fruit isn't in the fruit basket, just near it, and there is paperwork and a stapler on the table, and little things on the island. ... It seems like the wife is giving him the easiest possible clean up task. He just has to put a few items away. If he wanted, he could also wipe down the counters, vacuum, clean the dog bed, spray some air freshener and put fresh flowers out. But I'm guessing he won't even put the few items and pieces of fruit away. Clearly his wife is doing a lot to keep the place clean, but he'll act like putting a few things away isn't worth his time and leave it for her to do when she gets back."

"There's probably grit on the floors, dirt on the baseboards, stains on the carpets and upholstery, dust on every horizontal surface, window smudges, etc. so the house looks tidy, but a detail-oriented person will notice and be bothered by all those less visible things"

"I’m seeing a used paper towel roll right next to the fresh one that is also almost out. I’m guessing there are other instances of that around the house, too."

"Definitely the items on the dining table.."

"Clear all the surfaces and put away the clutter. My woman brain doesn't understand why her request was confusing."

Others insisted the request wasn't really about the current state of the house, but more a general plea to start taking some ownership.

"When my house is in this condition, and I asked the same thing of my husband, I think it’s sort of coming from a place of resentment. I’ll notice that he spends his free time doing a hobby or something for himself, whereas I feel like even all my free time is still spent keeping up with chores. My love language is acts of service, so when I come home and he has tackled a project without me asking or something like that, it means a lot that he spent his free time doing something for the betterment of the household unit."

The OP responded to this one: "So far I think your response is the most nuanced and accurate. Thanks for giving me something to consider!"

The photos serve as a fascinating Rorschach test. It's incredibly easy for some to see someone nitpicking a clean and beautiful home. It's also easy to see the usually-invisible mental load one partner carries.

men, women, marriage, relationships, household, love, family, cleaning, emotional labor, invisible load, gender roles Wiping down surfaces: Someone's gotta remember to do it.Canva Photos

No one knows the history of this guy and this couple, but there is a well-known story lurking in these photos if you're willing to interpret and read into things a little bit. It goes by many names including the Invisible Load and Emotional Labor, etc. in reference to one partner (usually the woman) being the Project Manager of the house.

Couples Therapy Inc. lists out some of the responsibilities of the house Project Manager:

Anticipating needs before they become problems
Managing social relationships and obligations
Coordinating schedules and appointments
Remembering important dates and details
Sacrificing personal needs for family harmony

And that also includes making sure the house is tidy and cleaned, and enlisting help in doing so by explicitly telling other people in the household exactly what needs to be done, what supplies and groceries need to be purchase, etc. As others in the thread pointed out, maybe the exhausted wife is really saying, "Dude, can you just figure it out for yourself for once?"

From Your Site Articles

marriage

Family

16-year-old boy says only ‘failed men’ do chores so his divorced parents taught him a lesson

The kid believes household chores are only for women.

via Canva/Photos

An upset 16-year-old boy.

It may seem like the idea that housework is a woman’s job was abandoned back in the 1950s. However, there’s a new generation of misogynistic influencers, such as Andrew Tate, that are pushing regressive gender roles to young men. These people prey on young men’s insecurities by teaching them that they can build themselves up by keeping women down.

A divorced 34-year-old father discovered that his 16-year-old son held these sexist beliefs and did everything he could, including using the talents of his ex-wife, to help stop his son’s misogynistic thinking. The father and son are in Germany and live together during the school week and the son lives with his mother on weekends.

“A few weeks ago, I was ironing me and my son's clothes and told him that I want to teach him how to do this, as I don't want him falling into the same mistake I did and never learning this on my own,” the father wrote. “He said he doesn't want to, and I just said he'll have to learn to do this at some point. He then said, ‘only failed men do stuff like this, and I won't be one of them.’”

The father was caught entirely off guard by the comment. “He said that it is his belief that this is a woman's job to do and that only simps do simple household chores,” the father wrote. “I told him that now he will have to choose his next words very carefully, but I said that he will learn household work whether he likes it or not.”

“If you think this is a woman's job, it's time for you to live with a woman,” he continued, asking him to pack his bags because he doesn’t have any “Andrew Tate bullsh*t” in his house. “He must've called his mom in the time I was packing as she called me as well,” he wrote. “She asked me what's going on, and I told her what happened. Surprisingly, she's on my side and has just asked me to drop him off at hers, and she'll help teaching him a lesson.”

teens, chores, sexism A father teachers his son a lesson. via Canva/Photos

Life hasn't been easy for the teen at his mother's house. He has to take public transportation 2 hours each way to get to school, and he has been going through a crash course in chores when he gets home. Two weeks after being sent to his mother's house, the boy called his father, beginning to come home, but the dad intends to keep him with his mother for another few weeks to reinforce the lesson.

“He WILL be getting a fixed chore schedule [when he returns], whether he likes it or not. No more coasting the easy life,” the father wrote.

The father’s decision comes after he learned a harsh lesson in equality himself. He and his ex-wife had their son when they were teenagers, and their parents forced her to stay at home while he worked. So when they spilt up 2 years ago, he had to learn a lot of new skills to take care of himself.

Still, after some friends said he was being hard on his son, the father began to second-guess his decision to send him to live with his mother. So, he asked a group of people on Reddit if he had done the right thing. They overwhelmingly supported his choice. They believed that the dad needed to nip the sexism in the bud and that learning household chores was essential for his son’s growth as a person and potential partner.

teens, chores, sexism A teen boy learning how to cook. via Canva/Photos

“You gave him an important reality check. These guys falling for this Andrew Tate crap need to learn, that’s what it is. Wait till they marry 2 or 3 times and don’t understand why the marriage breaks down,” one commenter wrote. “Pretty sick that so many men and boys think loving a woman makes them a ‘simp.’ And they sincerely wonder why they’re lonely,” another added.

“I don’t even know how to run a dishwasher because I’m such a MANLY man,” a commenter joked. “I can’t take care of myself; I’m utterly helpless. Just a widdle baby. Hell yeah, that’s masculine af. Right? Ladies?”

Some commenters also celebrated how the divorced parents partnered to teach the lesson. "You two may not have been right for one another as spouses, but you’re both amazing parents,” a commenter wrote. "This is one of the best examples of cohesive co-parenting I’ve heard of. Kudos to OP and his ex for both standing firm,” another added.

The parents were right to team up because their son’s attitude is a massive self-inflicted wound. It will affect his future relationships and make him incompetent because he doesn’t know how to care for himself. It’s hard to believe that influencers who claim to build men up are keeping them in a suspended state of immaturity.

From Your Site Articles

sexism

Men's Health

Men share the best 'unmanly' things they do that make them feel good

Men are beautifully complex.

Photo by We-Vibe Toys on Unsplash

There is nothing unmanly about taking a bubble bath.

As society rethinks and reshapes the use of gender roles, both sexes (and everywhere in-between) are finding more opportunities to explore previously repressed aspects of themselves. It often feels like the Wild West of gender identity—an exciting new time to break through tired paradigms in search for something that is a better fit. We can see this on both a macro and micro scale, from something as widespread as more countries legalizing same sex marriage to something as simple as a man rocking a pencil skirt and heels. Each are radical in their own way.

A Reddit user asked men to name some “unmanly” things they did that they weren’t ashamed of. Their answers, though fun to read, also have an interesting through line, one of embracing sensitivity. Or, rather, their femininity. From self-care, to arts and crafts, to crying during Disney movies, each of these activities challenges the long accepted—and often problematic—belief of what makes a man a "man."

Psychology Today contributor Tyger Latham, Psy.D. writes that “Most of us immediately identify with the adage that to be a man often means: being tough, staying in control, never crying, working through physical pain, providing for your family, and never backing down from a fight. While such roles provide men with an operational model in which to exist, they can also be extremely restrictive.” He even described a condition known as alexithymia, quite literally meaning “without words for emotions,” that many male clients encounter while trying to express what’s happening on the inside.

But what if the pursuit of happiness includes the pursuit of wholeness? Some would argue that the latter is more important altogether. Men—and women, for that matter—should be able to go fishing, knit while they wait on the pond, come home and throw on an exfoliating face mask while watching a rom-com. So yes, while these answers do serve as a lighthearted digital romp through the internet, they are also symbols of small, yet significant victories.

Without further ado, here are 18 “unmanly” things that are good for the soul, no matter the gender:

1. Sewing

“I think it is helpful for spatial reasoning, attention to detail, and creativity. It is basically construction out of a very thin, flexible material that requires the builder to create the object inside-out."

2. Bubble baths

“I don't take baths much but if I do you best believe there's gonna be bubbles galore in that bath.”

“Bath bombs rule, my favorite one turns the water black and sparkly and smells like peppermint.”

3. Cute voices for animals

“In high school there was a video shown in class, and when puppies came on screen I yelled 'PUPPIES!' in a ridiculous falsetto. I still have that reaction regularly when I see puppies.”

“I do this with puppies...kittens...cats...any cute animal…”

4. Prioritizing fashion … to the point of indecision

“There are literally a few minutes where I am stressed out wondering 'I wore that a few days ago; this is too similar to what I wore yesterday' and so on. This is mostly when getting ready for work, which is business casual. I have a dozen or so button-down shirts, but I still can't make up my damn mind.”

5. A love of all things hygge

“I love fuzzy socks, fuzzy blankets, fuzzy anything.”

“I love blankets. My birthday, Christmas, valentines day; just give me more blankets. Let me make a cave of blankets and hibernate straight through until spring.”

socks GIFGiphy

6. A fondness for stuffed animals

“I sleep with two stuffed animals. It would be three, but Pete the polar bear is now with my girlfriend in the Netherlands.”

“I still sleep with a teddy bear I got when I was 4. I'm 30 now. I hope to give it to my daughter when she is born/old enough.”

7. Checking out other guys

"I can tell when a guy is attractive, I have no sexual desire for dudes but I can tell if I find one good looking, i'd even go as far to say I have a type."

8. Enjoying domestic chores

"I love looking doing things for my wife...coffee and breakfast in bed everyday, I wash up, I pack her a lunch to take to work everyday, spoil her with little surprises a few times a month etc. Turns out my friends and my father all think I am whipped. They think she has me under her thumb. I guess they don't know that we split house chores in a number of ways but I chose to do extra things as I have some extra time since I don't have to commute - it feels fair to me.They also don't understand that when I lost my job my wife encouraged me to do my own thing and that she supported both of us for a long time to allow me to follow my dream. In short, my mates and father just don't understand or want to be with a woman who is a partner and equal in the relationship.”

9. Being the little spoon

"I'm nearly a foot taller than my girlfriend, but if we're cuddling in bed I like to be the little spoon, it's hilarious and comfy."

"I once was sitting on the floor and my girlfriend at the time was sitting on the couch giving me a back rub. She eventually wrapped her arms around me from behind and asked how it felt. 'Like this room is the only thing in the entire world.'"

“Sleeping as the little spoon is really nice because it makes you feel needed on a physical level which is really comforting."

10. Crying

“Personally, I think that it takes a lot more bravery to open yourself up to something special, such as love for a pet, than to keep everything around you at arms length to numb your own sensitivity (or vulnerability if you will) to anything. You display a willingness to express yourself, knowing full well that it could get you hurt, and then bear any resulting pain, ultimately overcoming it. What the hell could be more manly?”

“I will cry at any movie where a dog dies. Every, Single. Time. A Dog’s Purpose was a very unpleasant movie for me.”

Cry GIF by MasterChefAUGiphy

11. Gardening

“It’s great being able to grow things from just seeds."

12. Therapy

“Everyone needs a little bit of therapy. Even if you’re perfectly fine, everyone needs someone to talk to.”

13. Sharing feelings with the kids

"Hugging my kids, apologizing to them when I’m wrong ('sorry I accused you of making a mess outside, I just learned it was the neighbors’ kid'), and showing them it’s okay to have and express feelings. Yes, daddy can get teary eyed too when watching a sad movie. Also as an extension of apologizing for having done wrong, being able to back down. When in an argument and find out you’re wrong, it’s not weak to say 'I didn’t know that. Sorry, I was wrong.'”

14. Complimenting guy friends

"A lot of people feel it's not manly to do so but I think it's important and it feels great having a group of guys that doesn’t just bash each other all the time."

15. Interior decorating

“I spend a ridiculous amount of time looking up furniture/wall art/etc. just fantasizing about how I'm going to decorate it when I finally get my own place.”

16. Baking

“I just donned a pink apron with strawberries on it to help my girlfriend make a pie. Her family razzed me about it... but hey, no pie for them.”

“I bake and listen to Adele. Sometimes at the same time.”

17. Afternoon tea

“I don't care who you are. You haven't lived until you've eaten tiny cucumber sandwiches and scones off a three-story silver party platter.”

18. Self-care

Christian Bale Face Mask GIF by PeacockTVGiphy

“Manicures and pedicures, obviously no nail polish, but my hands and feet are usually a horrendous pile of dead skin and callouses from working out and my job. It makes me feel a little better about people seeing them, they don’t get all of them, but it definitely makes them look closer to normal.”

“I love doing a facial cleanse, tone and moisturize, makes your face feel awesome."

“I go full-on Bateman. Have multiple face masks, skin creams and hair products. Started as a way to bond with my sisters, ended up being something that centers me in the mornings and a comforting ritual a couple of times a night.”

This article originally appeared on 3.2.22

From Your Site Articles

gender roles

Education

8 changes that were made to a classic Richard Scarry book to keep up with the times. Progress!

All the misogyny and racism you may not have noticed are now gone.

Images via Alan Taylor/Flickr, used with permission.

Updating the kitchen.

Remember those beloved Richard Scarry books?

Books from when you were a kid?

Like a lot of people, I grew up reading them.

And now, I read them to my kids.

Richard Scarry’s Best Storybook Ever

Images via Alan Taylor/Flickr, used with permission.

If that doesn't ring a bell, perhaps this character from the "Busytown" series will. Classic!

Apple Car.

Images via Alan Taylor/Flickr, used with permission.

Scarry was an incredibly prolific children's author and illustrator. He created over 250 books during his career. His books were loved across the world — over 100 million were sold in many languages.

But here's something you may not have known about these classics: They've been slowly changing over the years.

Don't panic! They've been changing in a good way.

Scarry started publishing books in the 1950s, when times were, well, a little different. So some of the details were quietly updated.

Alan Taylor, a senior editor for the photo section of The Atlantic, noticed differences back in 2005 and decided to photograph them. From his Flickr album:

"The 1963 edition is my own, bought for me in the late 60's when I was a toddler, and read to tatters. The 1991 edition belongs to my kids today. I was so familiar with the older one that I immediately started noticing a few differences, and so have catalogued 14 of the more interesting differences here in this collection."

Taylor found 14 pages with differences between the original and updated versions.

Here are eight changes that reflect some of the progress society has made:

1. First up: The cover got a makeover. It might seem subtle at first glance, but look closely.

Richard Scarry’s Best Word Book Ever

Images via Alan Taylor/Flickr, used with permission.

The original has a woman (bunny) in the kitchen, while the updated cover has both a man and a woman (still bunnies) in the kitchen. Also: The "policeman" bear changed to a woman, and the label changed to "police officer." The word "mailman" became "letter carrier," and a female farmer was added. Oh, and we went from a cat-mom pushing the stroller to cat-dad! Progress!

(The bunny brushing its teeth in the house was changed from a boy to a girl, but I'm not gonna read into that because hopefully all bunny-kids brush their teeth, right? I mean, for the sake of their little bunny teefs!)

2. Men can be flight attendants and women can be pilots. And, you know, they don't have to be hot.

Pretty stewardess to flight attendant.

Images via Alan Taylor/Flickr, used with permission.

While the gender of each role remained the same in the newer version (which is, unfortunately, pretty legit, given the glaring lack of female pilots in real life), the stereotyping was eliminated by making the "handsome pilot" more of an everyday "pilot" (raccoon?) and by turning the "pretty stewardess" into a regular flight attendant.

3. Christmas isn't the only holiday people celebrate.

Adding the menorah.

Images via Alan Taylor/Flickr, used with permission.

Shhhh: Don't tell the Starbucks Christmas cup haters this, but there are a lot more winter holidays than just Christmas. The newer version of the book included a menorah in the blank space to recognize those who celebrate Hanukkah.

4. Mommy Bears are no longer expected to have breakfast prepared for Daddy Bears...

mommy bears, daddy bears, best word book ever

Dad bears being dad bears.

Images via Alan Taylor/Flickr, used with permission.

...and the subtle change from "called to breakfast" to "goes to the kitchen to eat his breakfast" reflects that.

(Side note: Do Daddy Bears realllllly want to be treated like Kid Bears by being called to a meal, where they must promptly appear? I'm thinking not.)

5. Because guess what?! Dads can cook, too! (Even Dad Bunnies.)

professionals, professions, 20th century

Dads can cook, too?

Images via Alan Taylor/Flickr, used with permission.

And Richard Scarry's book was updated to reflect the late-20th-century realization that everyone belongs in the kitchen!

6. Helping professions aren't just for men.

No more cowboys.

Images via Alan Taylor/Flickr, used with permission.

The updated version recognized that fact by changing "policeman" to "police officer" and "fireman" to "fire fighter." The ever-important job of cowboy was eliminated ( sigh ... how many career hopes and dreams were squashed?), replaced with a gardener and a scientist, both of which are filled by female characters. Three cheers for women in STEM! Also: The milkman was replaced by a taxi driver, but I'm pretty sure that was had to do with the fact that milkman (or woman) isn't a growing occupation any longer.

7. Regular people need rescuing, too.

Cat is in danger.

Images via Alan Taylor/Flickr, used with permission.

The newer version did away with the "beautiful screaming lady" (sigh... how many career hopes and dreams ... oh, wait — none) and replaced her with a regular "cat in danger." The "jumping gentleman" label was removed altogether, and the "fireman" became a "fire fighter" again.

8. "I" is for "ice cream" — and not stereotypical depictions of Native Americans.

dreams, updates, Florida State University

Adding the cone.

Images via Alan Taylor/Flickr, used with permission.

We're still waiting for our football teams to get with the times, but the folks behind the Richard Scarry book update eliminated the "Indian" character that was wearing stereotypical clothing.

Yay, progress! And before you shrug and say "It's just a book," listen to this:

Florida State University recently led "the most comprehensive study of 20th century children's books ever undertaken in the United States." As you can surely guess, they found a gender bias toward male lead characters, even in books about animals — books like those by Richard Scarry.

Janice McCabe, the assistant professor of sociology who led the study, wrote:

"The widespread pattern of underrepresentation of females that we find supports the belief that female characters are less important and interesting than male characters. This may contribute to a sense of unimportance among girls and privilege among boys. The gender inequalities we found may be particularly powerful because they are reinforced by patterns of male-dominated characters in many other aspects of children's media, including cartoons, G-rated films, video games and even coloring books."

It's kind of cool to think these changes were made at least two and a half decades ago! That's something.

And we need changes to keep happening! Kids should be able to read books with same-sex couples and characters who have disabilities, for example, because those are everyday occurrences and books are a great intro to the world for kids.

Anyone else up for modernizing other classic kids' books so we can feel good about sharing them with our kids?

This article was writen by Laura Willard and originally appeared on 11.11.15

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