upworthy

friends

Friendship

3 women perfectly describe what's missing in modern friendships and how to fix it

Are you falling into the 'catch up trap'?

Unsplash

There's a way around this friendship pitfall.

As I get closer (how much closer, I'd rather not say) to my 40s, I've noticed a habit forming in my friendships. With kids, work, and family obligations, I don't have as much time as I'd like to get together with friends. So when I do, there's usually a lot to catch up on. We'll often go to drinks after I put my kids to bed and catch-up on everything we've missed in each other's lives the past few months. We'll share the ups and downs, the big updates, and do lots of venting about the things that haven't gone our way. And then, when the night's over, we wait six months and do it all over again.

It's always great to see friends, don't get me wrong. But there's a big part of me that yearns for more of the moments that made us friends to begin with, whether they're friends I sat through classes with in school or goofed around with at an old job. And now I know I'm not the only one who feel this way.

Giphy

The gals at the Life Uncut Podcast just described this phenomenon perfectly: They call it the "Catch Up Trap"

The Catch Up Trap is not a new phenomenon, but never before has it been so perfectly encapsulated. On a recent episode of the podcast, comedian Tanya Hennessy chatted with hosts Laura Byrne and Brittany Hockley about this 'trap' that they've all experienced in their adult lives.

"I was just seeing friends, and the conversation was literally just a recap. I felt like i was just recapping my life back to somebody as opposed to living it with them," Hennessy said. She noted that, too often, these recaps turn into vent sessions where friends take turns railing on and on about their problems. Too much stress and not enough laughter. "I'm bored," she says. "I'm sick of talking about myself."

The hosts agreed from their own experiences that at the end of these "catch up" hangouts, they always end up feeling somewhat dissatisfied. It's great when a friendship has such a strong foundation that it can sustain itself on these fumes for years and years, but not investing in growing the friendship with new memories and experiences ends up feeling a little hollow and exhausting after a while.

Watch the discussion here in a clip from the podcast's Instagram:

Viewers connected so deeply to the gang's frustration with modern adult friendships.

Nearly 500,000 people viewed the Reel on Instagram and commented by the dozens to shout about how the conversation made them feel so seen and understood:

"Love this chat, ‘catch up’ friendships feel more exhausting than meaningful. I want to do life with my friends!!!"

"I'm in my early thirties and I've been struggling to describe what I've been feeling for the longest time, but you've done it incredibly well. It's such a shift in friendships, and so much more noticeable when they were those friends you used to hang out with several times a week, and experience most of your life with. Now they are all in relationships, which has nothing to do with it, but I've felt we've entered this phase of friendship much more since then."

"I could not agree more!!!!!! I’m so tired of talking about my problems and sharing the hard times etc, I wanna do fun things, and make memories more"

So, if you've fallen into the catch up trap in your own relationships, how can you pull yourself out of it? What should you do instead?

In short, go do something together! Have some fun, make a new memory. Don't just sit and vent over a glass of wine, unless that's the vibe you're really craving at that moment. Just don't make it the default. There's a world of possibility at your fingertips, like bowling, seeing a new movie together, or perusing an art gallery.

"Go to the zoo or something, let's go do pottery, let's go feel something together, let's have a shared experience," Hennessy said on the show. "Do we need to do something as a shared memory to actually evolve our friendship?"

Viewers agreed that while the idea sounds simple and obvious, it makes a world of difference in the depth of your relationships.

"[My friend and I] have made a conscious effort to do things and create memories together, last night we went to a pottery class and I never have laughed so hard. It was so nice to do something different and talk about something other than life," one commenter noted.

However, it's important to remember that catching up is important too. Your friends want to know what's going on in your life, with your career, with your family. You can find other creative ways to catch up more frequently (text, call, leave voice notes) and save your precious in-person hang time for stuff that's more interesting and invigorating. Some experts have even advocated for friends to come along while you do more mundane things, too. Bring a friend grocery shopping or running errands and you can catch-up and live life together at the same time.

If it sounds like a lot more work, it just might be. But having close friendships gives us more fulfillment and purpose in our lives, and it also leads to better long-term health outcomes. It'll be worth the extra effort when those old friendships are still running strong decades later instead of petering out over time.

From Your Site Articles
friendship
Modern Families

Teachers share 22 ways they avoid getting sick

"I have never missed a day from work."

Photo by Adam Winger on Unsplash
boy in gray sweater beside boy in gray and white plaid dress shirt

Schools are germ cesspools. Parents know it, pupils know, and yep--teachers know it better than anyone. With sickness easily spread in close quarters like schools (and especially during the colder months), staying healthy can seem impossible.

However, some teachers seem to have immune systems of steel–or have simply mastered how to *never* get sick. Even when entire classrooms go down and out, some stand strong. How do they do it? Thankfully, they have spilled their wellness advice for fellow educators and parents alike. Here are 22 ways teachers avoid getting sick, according to teachers.

1. "I make sure to tell students how disgusting they are in very clear terms and enforce a hands washing and hygiene regimen in my classroom. For example, 'did you just eat a bag of chips and touch my computer?' Student: 'I used hand sanitizer...' me: 'go wash your hands now before you do anything else.' Less sick kids in my classroom and less sick me." – Fit-Meeting-5866

2. "No magic bullet - I got Covid for the first time this past year - but here is what I do and it is moderately successful:

  • Vaccines. No joke.
  • If you are able, open windows and air out the room as often as possible. When sickness is at its peak times, I will run the AC or heat and leave the door and windows open, if only just a crack. Air circulation is critical, I am lucky to have control and I don't have to pay that bill.
  • This one will vary according to building policy and your school demographics, but I leave my door open all the time unless we are being loud or there is a lot of commotion in the hallway.
  • I have a small fan at my desk that I use to blow the air away from my face. Kids just think I have hot flashes, but that's rarely true. I just don't want their funk.
  • Turn in as much work as possible online. Paper goes in the tray. Not directly to me.
  • I don't conference much anymore if I can help it. Makes me sad, but my spouse is Very High Risk, so I do what I gotta do.
  • Wash those hands
  • Keep that air moving out, if possible (yes, I know that is a repeat)
  • Sanitize your desk/tabletops as often as you can.
  • I don't hand out or collect pens, pencils, etc. anymore. They are also in a tray. Get one, take it if you need it, put it back when you finish. I don't want to touch it.
  • Avoid cafeteria, teachers' "lounge," hallways during passing periods, sitting in the crowd at pep rallies and assemblies (I always volunteer for door duty)
  • I sit behind them. They breathe forward.

Hope some of this is useful. Exercise. Eat well. Do something to de-stress." – Two_DogNight

3. "Never forget to wash your hands and don't get close enough to a student that you can smell their breath. I still get teacher crude every few months though. Also, when a kid asks to go to the nurse for a cold like symptom? Out comes the Clorox wipes for every table." – Sea_Row_6291

4. "I spray a cloud of Lysol out the door after every kid who's going to the nurse." – InDenialOfMyDenial

5. "Students may not cough or sneeze in your face, but they will on their assignments. Treat any paper that is turned in, as infectious." – Bumper22276

CoughSick Friends Tv GIFGiphy

6. "I teach over 300 students so I wear a mask, I sanitize my hands any time I sit back down at my desk or touch my personal belongings, and I try not to get too close to kids since I teach older students. I take vitamins and try to drink lots of water. I go for a walk every day and try to get a decent sleep so I'm not run down." – ladyonecstacy

7. "Don’t be afraid to where a mask when you know there is something going around. Drink lots of water, vitamins, wash your hands often. Have students help sanitize the desks and high touch locations. Have everyone put hand sanitizer on as they come into the classroom." – mashed-_-potato

8. "I still teach fully masked. I teach teenagers and they are pure Petri dishes and don’t take care of their own immune system. I have never missed a day from work for being sick from something you can catch." – UncomfyNobleGas

9. "This is a small thing, but the box of tissues goes as far from my desk as possible. That means sick kids don't come to my desk with their sniffles." – TeachingAnonymously

TissuesSick Flu Season GIF by Emma DarvickGiphy

10. "Sometimes when I suddenly feel tired and wonder if I’m getting sick, I’ll allow myself to plan a low prep day the next day instead of doing to 1-3 hours beyond my contact that I often need in the beginning of the year. One of the best vet teachers at my school plans a sick/personal day each month and has one of the experienced subs cover her class. She uses that day to recharge & recover. She rarely seems to get really 'really' sick." – JoyfulinfoSeeker

11. "In terms of catching whatever is going around the school, it comes down to proximity control. Don't get too close, don't let them get too close. Don't reach across them (I've had students sneeze on my arm..). Hand sanitize frequently. Don't touch your nose or your mouth. Wash hands often. Get some Lysol or Clorox wipes and routinely wipe down surfaces. If you have student supplies in your room, leave those for the students only. Don't share supplies with them. Don't let them use your stuff.

Otherwise, hydrate. I have a 32oz water bottle, and drink it down twice every school day. I don't seem to suffer from small bladder, so do whatever you need to do for you, but make sure you're hydrating regularly throughout the day.

Take a look at what you're eating. We've all been guilty of "teacher lunch" aka vending machine food (my go-to is a bag of funyuns and a cherry coke zero), but make sure that you're actually eating things with nutritional value and not just refined carbs and sugar. Eat good, feel good. Obviously this depends on your own dietary needs, but look... I'm guilty of dipping into the candy and snacks when I'm busy or stressing and it always makes me feel like shit.

In terms of stress management... I hate to oversimplify here but you gotta just... be less stressed. And I don't mean that in a dismissive way. First year you're panicking about everything, and you're now about to enter your 4th year. You know what is and isn't important, you know what is and isn't worth stressing over. Make sure you are drawing some boundaries.

Also, if you're just generally feeling lousy all the time, go to the doctor. I finally did after a few years of just generally feeling bleh and it turns out I'm slightly anemic. So we fixed that, and I feel better now." – InDenialOfMyDenial

12. "Same rule I had in healthcare: treat everyone like they have the plague." – MuddyGeek

13. "KN95 or better mask. HEPA filters and/or CR boxes. Open windows for ventilation. Clean everything." – youdneverguess

14. "If you can help it, avoid the school cafeteria. It's a giant petri dish of germs and bad hygiene." – JMWest_517

Cafeteriawalking eating GIF by South Park Giphy

15. "I don't see it listed yet, but don't eat in your room! And establish clear boundaries for your desk. Kids don't walk anywhere near it and don't touch anything on it." – positivesplits

16. "I got sick more than eight times my first year, teaching elementary physed, I was told by my doctor that the first few years this is going to happen and then after that, my immune system should be pretty good. And so far, I have only gotten sick a few times a year since. Immunity pro tip sure you’re eating healthy, or at least getting your fruits and veggies in. They can’t cure sickness. But many Americans are deficient in many vitamins, minerals, and vital chemicals that are helpful for immunity." – Plus_Bench_4352

17. "You need the following to not get sick often as a teacher

  1. Good sleep
  2. Exercise
  3. Diet
  4. 5 years of teaching experience to build immunity.

Half the shit my kid brings home from daycare gets my wife sick and doesn't touch me, because I've already had whatever it is." – MemeTeamMarine

18. "I am on year 21 and I used to get sick a lot. Now I do not. I have not changed my lifestyle at all. I eat healthy for the most part I honestly think it is the amount of citrus that I consume. I put true lime, grapefruit, or lemon in every single glass of water I drink. I eat oranges and clementines as snacks. In the last 5 years I have been sick with covid one time and other than seasonal allergies, no illness. Vitamin C is the only thing I can think to attribute it to." – User Unknown

LemonDance Dancing GIF by javadoodlesGiphy

19. "Vitamin C and D every day! Sanitize everything. Keep your hands clean and carry sanitizer with you. I use that stuff after I touch anything. Lysol spray between classes or have students sanitize desks. Don’t touch your eyes, nose, mouth, ears. That’s where most of your illnesses enter the body. Regularly remind kids hygiene practices that prevent the spread of germs." – User Unknown

20. "I personally eat Halls Defense Drops like candy. It’s a Vitamin C supplement. It’s also nice for soothing your throat after a long day. I know some people swear by elderberry supplements and Emergen-C as well, if you’re looking for that kind of thing. But besides that, a few basic practices:

  1. Practice personal space with your students. I have no problem telling my kids to take a step or 2 back if they’re way too close. My desk is a 'holy area' - they shouldn’t be behind my desk, even if I’m sitting there.
  2. If kids leave a tissue or trash on the floor, don’t pick it up. Yes, I understand wanting to make your custodian’s life easier. But if it’s a used tissue, you’re asking for whatever crap they have.
  3. During cold and flu season, spray or wipe tables at least once a day, multiple times if possible. You can also use an air freshener that has disinfectant in it (I think Lysol makes one).
  4. Model good hygiene habits for your students (no matter how old they are!). I have a sink in my class, and I occasionally wash my hands during class for whatever reason. It just reinforces those habits." – H8rsH8

21. "I got sick every two weeks one time during the winter. From November-April I was sick and I felt like crap the entire time going to work because I couldn’t keep taking time off. I bought elder berry/zinc mix through Amazon (liquid version). Put two full droppers in your mouth or drink. Not even joking, I haven’t been sick this entire year and if I did get sick, it was with a mild sore throat that went away in two days. Worked great." – Jiinxx10

22. "I teach math and the only papers that were coming in to me were the tests I gave students. I have them turn in their exams in to a folder away from my desk and I don't open it back up for 24 hours. When I started doing that, I noticed I stopped getting sick as often. Most of my good kids would still show up on test days when they're sick and gross and get all their germs over their papers." – broteus7

Identity

This artist brilliantly tackles the concept of 'being offended' in a colorful comic.

Maybe we need a new word for 'offended.'

All images by Rebecca Cohen, used with permission.

Here’s a thought.

Self proclaimed "feminist killjoy" Rebecca Cohen is a cartoonist based in Berkeley, California.

Here’s what she has to say about her role as an artist taken from her Patreon page.

She says:

"In these trying times, the world needs a hero to resist the forces of tyranny.

That hero is definitely not me.


I just draw funny pictures and like to share my opinions. I'm Rebecca, also known as @gynostar."

Enjoy one of her comics below.

a four panel comic

An all too common exchange.

All images by Rebecca Cohen, used with permission.

three panel comic

It’s only words.

All images by Rebecca Cohen, used with permission.

six panel comic

Simple jokes contain implicit ideas.

All images by Rebecca Cohen, used with permission.

five panel comic

Discussing the impact of words.

All images by Rebecca Cohen, used with permission.

This article originally appeared eight years ago.



From Your Site Articles
Joy

Guy shares a simple, 2-minute solution to friendship distancing, calls it 'game-changing'

The "Wednesday Waffle" has become a weekly tradition for friend groups around the world.

Photo credit: Canva

The "Wednesday Waffle" is taking hold of friend groups everywhere.

One of the realities of adulthood is that friendships morph and change, even if we don't want them to. As friends who were once close embark on individual life adventures—moving away from home, finding jobs, getting into relationships, starting families—it's inevitable that friendships will shift and some distancing will happen. That's life, but that doesn't mean that we can't make an effort to maintain connection and create ways of keeping in touch with the people we care about.

In the olden days, friends would correspond with letters, but technology gives us many more ways to stay in touch. Unfortunately, smartphone use can easily overtake our lives, and figuring out how to utilize technology in a healthy and productive way can be tricky. But a video explaining a "game-changing" weekly tradition that provides a simple, quick way to keep up with our friends' lives has people wanting to create a "Wednesday Waffle" themselves..

"As I get older, I'm getting used to the fact that I don't hear from my friends as often as I used to," says Kirx Diaz. "And I understand, life is lifing, and I live 3,000 miles away from a lot of my closest people, but it's something that I've really had to come to terms with."

"However," he adds, "about a month and a half ago, we were introduced to this concept called the Wednesday Waffle, and basically what this is is a two-minute video life update talking about what we've been up to that week, how we've been feeling, and kind of everything in between. And I can't lie, it's been game-changing. The group chat's always going off, we know who's going through it, who's doing well, who we need to check up on throughout the week. And for the first time in a long time, I actually feel closer to my friends now than I did when I was living back home."

The Wednesday Waffle idea originally went viral from another guy on Instagram, who explained how he and his group of three friends send one another brief video updates every Wednesday. As @nonpractisinggenius explains, "waffling" with friends is "a game changer for maintaining long distance friendships." Some of the benefits he points out include:

- It takes just two minutes
- Fights feelings of loneliness
- Brings joy to the week
- Deepens connections
- Accommodates different schedules / timezones

When Americans hear "Wednesday Waffle," they may assume that it's something like Taco Tuesday, but "waffle" in this case is an Australian slang term for talking. "It’s just Aussie talk for speaking at length about nothing in particular. (think jibber jabber, yammer, natter, babble)" the originator explains.

It wasn't until he showed his partner a "waffle" from a friend who had recently had a baby that he realized how impactful it was. "She was really blown away by the fact that we'd been sending these Wednesday Waffles to each other every Wednesday for a couple of years," he said. She just thought it was such a great thing for friends to do to stay connected, and it made me kinda think about it. I've been taking it for granted, but it is such a good thing and I look forward to their video every Wednesday. So maybe this is something other people can introduce to their life."

People in the comments have been sharing their experiences starting up a similar habit with their friends. It doesn't have to be on Wednesdays and it doesn't have to be any specific length, but keeping the videos short and sweet help it become a sustainable practice.

"Put this vid in a group chat with 5 of my boys… everyone participated and it was a pretty great, and connective experience. I hope we are able to keep it up. Except we waffled on a Thursday."

"I sent this video to my 2 best friends in our group chat about a month ago and we have been doing this every week since. It’s been amazing because they both have crazy travel schedules with work and we have been able to see so much from each other in such a short time. Thank you for posting this, I can’t wait to see how we evolve it moving forward. ❤️"

"Started Wednesday waffles with the boyz this morning. Thanks for the suggestion."

"Dude! Me and my mates started this a few weeks ago. The absolute joy it brings us all every week is irreplaceable. Thanks for the inspiration. Legend. 🙌"

Whether you're wanting to keep in touch with one friend or a handful of them, a weekly "waffle" on a specific day of the week might just be the simple solution you've been looking for. Friendships do change over time and life legitimately makes keeping up with friends a challenge, but we don't have to resign ourselves to losing touch with people we care about when we have the technology to stay connected. All it takes is a few minutes and the ability to press record and send.

From Your Site Articles
friendship
Trending Stories