foster parents

There’s a long-standing debate in the world of parenting over whether parents should spank their children. A 2021 study found that 47% of parents “somewhat or strongly agree” with the practice, 35% disagree to “some extent,” and 18.5% neither agree or disagree. Recently, TikToker Abigail Winters shared why she changed her thoughts on spanking, and people applaud her growth as a parent. Winters describes herself as a “skincare enthusiast, museum lover, budget traveler, and reluctant entrepreneur.”

“Spanking is lazy parenting, and I say that as a former spanker,” she begins in her video. “When I was in training to become a foster parent is when it clicked for me.” Foster parents are not allowed to use corporal punishment in the home, so Winters began to consider new modes of discipline to be consistent with her biological child and those she fosters.

“But then in our classes, we went more in-depth about what happens to children who are spanked, and it was the attitude of the other parents that really course-corrected for me,” she continues. “Because the other parents would say things like ‘Oh, I can’t wait until I can finally adopt my own, and I can discipline however I want.’”

Winters was disturbed that some of the other parents in foster classes dismissed the idea that spanking can be harmful and looked forward to adopting their kids so they could spank them. “[It] made me go, ‘There’s something wrong here; why would anyone be excited to hit a child?’ It was literally looking in those other parents’ faces who were making those kind of comments that made me resolve that spanking is horrible,” Winters continued.

"I love that you changed when presented with new information," one person wrote in the comments. "As a foster parent educator, thank you for this. Everything you said is what I try to get across to parents!" another added. "It was exactly the same experience for me when I adopted my nephews from foster care and became a licensed foster parent. I became a better parent to my biological kids, too," one more wrote.

When we discipline our kids, we shouldn't be harming them on purpose. via Canva

Is spanking bad for kids?

The American Association of Pediatrics has been firmly against spanking since at least 1998. Studies have found that children who experience repeated use of corporal punishment tend to develop more aggressive behaviors, increased aggression in school, and an increased risk of mental health disorders. Physical punishment can also reduce the development of gray matter in children's brains, reducing their IQ. It can also lead to permanently high cortisol levels, also known as the stress hormone.

Elizabeth T. Gershoff, professor and director of the Population Research Center at the University of Texas at Austin, says that parents should consider whether they are really teaching their children by spanking them or just making them afraid. The word “discipline” means “to teach,” said Gershoff. “We know children learn best in environments where they feel safe, and where they trust the people that are trying to teach them. Those are the strategies that we should be using to discipline children. There’s no evidence that scaring a child and making them feel pain is going to help them learn.”

Winters hopes her video will encourage other parents to rethink their attitudes toward spanking like she has. “You have to push the boundaries of probably what you’ve been raised in to really find other solutions,” she said. “And so, having to reach for that knowledge, having to expand in that way, does require a lot of effort. It requires a lot of rewiring and it’s just lazy when you refuse to do that.”