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Chaplain who comforted thousands of dying people reveals their most common regret

It's a great lesson that we could all learn from.

via Tampa General Hospital and Canva/Photos

Chaplain J.S. Park and a man on his deathbed.

The regrets of the dying are tragedies for those who are leaving this world. However, for the living, they can be valuable lessons on how to live a happy and meaningful life that benefits others. That way, when we reach the end, we can do so peacefully, knowing that we got the most out of this one lifetime.

Joon Park, who goes by J.S. Park on social media, is a chaplain at Tampa General Hospital who describes himself as a “grief catcher” and is the author of “As Long as You Need: Permission to Grieve.” He has sat at the bedsides of thousands of people who are in the process of passing away, and that’s given him a very unique perspective on life. He knows the greatest gift to give to the dying is listening so they can feel heard before they leave this world.

What’s the biggest regret of the dying?

He told CNN that in his conversations with the dying, there is one regret that he hears the most: “I only did what everyone else wanted, not what I wanted.”

“Many of us near the end realize we were not able to fully be ourselves in life – we had to hide to survive,” he continued. “It was not always our fault. Sometimes, our resources, the systems, and culture around us did not allow us to. My hope is always to fully see and hear this patient, who is now finally free. ”

dying, hospice, j.s. parkA man in the final moments of his life.via Canva/Photos

It must feel terrible to walk through life feeling like a square peg in a round hole, having a job you don’t like, a spouse who doesn’t understand you, or having to live up to standards that you didn’t create. It’s upsetting that many people experience this, and Park’s advice reminds us to ask ourselves a serious question: Am I living my life or the life someone else has chosen for me?

Park said that people's most common fear towards the end of their lives is whether their loved ones will be okay after they’re gone.

“Will my loved ones be OK without me? Who will look after Mom? Who will take my dad to the doctor? How will my son and daughter get along without me? Even my patients who are most at peace with their dying are still anxious about how their own death will affect their family,” he says. The fear shows that even when people are ready to leave this world, they never stop caring for those closest to them.

“This is almost an empathic anticipatory grief, experiencing the grief of the other person’s future loss. We are so connected that often we worry about how other people will be affected by our own death,” Park said.


How to know if you're living your own life

How do we know if we are living our own life and not that of others? It’s a big question, but according to Follow Your Own Rythm, a great place to start is to stop letting fear or society’s expectations dictate your path. Instead, express yourself freely, follow your passions, live by your core values, and spend time with yourself, touching base with your thoughts and feelings. You’ll know you’re living your life when it begins to feel more harmonious and authentic.

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Animals & Wildlife

Amazing couple is building a 40-acre wildlife rescue in Florida to change how people think about alligators

“A lot of these animals are misunderstood, feared and hated by so many people. The root of the problem is miseducation.”

In the sun-soaked wilds of South Florida, a biologist and his girlfriend are building a one-of-a-kind animal sanctuary on a 40-acre property in Ocala. Chris Gillette and Gabby Sampone are on a mission for Florida’s Wildest Animal Rescue to not only save animals but transform public perception of some of the state’s most dangerous inhabitants.

“I was born and raised in Florida and grew up as a kid catching rattlesnakes and gators. I have been around wildlife my whole life and made their preservation my life mission,” says Chris, who’s been working in various animal parks and appearing on wildlife TV shows for over a decade. Today, he and Gabby, a New York transplant who shares his love for animals, are working towards the ultimate goal of providing a haven for rare and dangerous animals and the everyday wildlife of Florida.

Chris placed a massive bet on himself to pay for the rescue by putting up his life savings to fund the project. “This has been my dream my entire life, and I’m spending every cent I have on it,” he says.

The couple hopes to open the rescue to the general public within weeks after the 8-foot-tall perimeter fence is built. When fully operational, the sanctuary will be a place where visitors can learn about wildlife and be inspired to protect these amazing creatures and the planet in which they live.

From iguanas with scoliosis and deformed turtles to a 250-pound tortoise, their sanctuary has a unique group of residents. Their recent rescues also include a three-legged goat, a coatimundi (a South American cousin to the raccoon) and foxes with adorably oversized ears. Chris says the foxes look like “Pokémon.”

A primary goal of the sanctuary is to change public perceptions of alligators. “A lot of these animals are misunderstood, feared and hated by so many people. The root of the problem is miseducation. My goal is to make content that is fun and interesting, so people don’t hate them,” he explains.

“When people think of gators and crocs, they imagine them to be these mindless killing machines obsessed with eating humans, like some monster movie,” Chris continued. “People don't realize gators and crocs are incredibly intelligent animals capable of learning training and have intricate social lives, as well as being keystone species in the ecosystems they inhabit. I have gators better trained than most people's dogs.”

His commitment to these often-misrepresented creatures is evident in his gator presentations and posts on Facebook and Instagram. “If you read my comments on social apps, you’ll see people who say they used to want gators killed, but now they’re actually excited to see them in the wild,” Chris says.


Social media plays a pivotal role in the rescue’s operations, serving as both an educational tool and a fundraising platform. Gillette has over 2.5 million followers on social media, and Gabby has over 500,000. Through their considerable Facebook and Instagram followings, they’ve managed to rally the support of thousands. Their recent fundraisers have helped them tackle significant costs, from enclosure fencing to unexpected vet bills.

“I make reels, posts, and do fundraisers on Facebook and Instagram,” Chris says. “The fundraisers on Facebook are really successful, and I raised $9,000 last time. On Instagram, I’ll usually get $1,000 per fundraiser. These really add up and help with all the costs.”

These fundraisers are necessary for the couple to keep operations going until they can open their doors and charge for tours. “We’re required to have perimeter fences that are at least 8 feet high. That alone is $50,000. That’s how we’re spending most of the donations we’re getting these days,” Chris says.

Between raising funds, ensuring the construction of perimeter fences, and caring for the diverse dietary needs of animals like toucans and hornbills, rescue is a full-time endeavor that takes a lot of teamwork.


Chris works at two alligator parks in South Florida on weekends to keep up with the couple’s everyday expenses and those at the rescue. “I’m doing tours and presentations there, so we have money,” Chris says. “When I’m gone, Gabby’s caring for all the animals and making sure everything’s getting built.”

Chris can’t wait until the rescue is ready for its main attraction. “In a year, I hope everything for the alligators is set up. And in three years, maybe even have swimming tours,” he says.

Beyond the fences of the sanctuary, Chris and Gabby hope to change hearts and minds. Whether it’s emphasizing the intelligence of alligators or highlighting the ecological importance of rattlesnakes, he wants Floridians to appreciate and coexist with their local wildlife. “They were here before us and have just as much right to exist in this space as we do. It is our responsibility to be educated and act as good stewards of the environment we are lucky enough to have before us,” Chris says.

The sanctuary’s story is one of dedication, resilience and love for the wild inhabitants of Florida. As the founder aptly puts it, "To save ourselves, we must educate people to respect and protect native animals and ecosystems."

animals
Education

Florida principal forced to resign after showing Michelangelo's 'David' to students

“It saddens me that my time here had to end this way."

Photo by Igor Ferreira on Unsplash

Florida principal fired after showing statue of "David."

If you ask most teachers why they went into education, they'll share that it had nothing to do with the money and everything to do with their passion for teaching. Even with rapid changes in curriculum and policies, teachers who remain in the classroom are lovers of education and are doing their best to help kids learn.

Hope Carrasquilla, the former principal of Florida's Tallahassee Classical School, was one of those teachers who simply enjoyed teaching. As the principal, Carrasquilla was required to teach two classes. During her sixth grade lesson about Renaissance art, which is also a requirement of the school, Carrasquilla showed a picture of Michelangelo's "David" statue.

According to the Tallahassee Democrat, three parents complained about their children being shown the picture. Two of those parents were mostly upset that there wasn't sufficient notice given before the photo of the sculpture was shown. The third parent reportedly complained that the statue of the Biblical figure was pornographic.

Michelangelo's sculpture wasn't the only source of the complaint. It was essentially the entire lesson, which also included "The Creation of Adam," another Michelangelo piece, and Botticelli's "The Birth of Venus." These are classic works of art that are easily recognizable by just about any layman, even if they can't name the artist.

Michelangelo's Creation of Adam

"The Creation of Adam" by Michelangelo

commons.wikimedia.org

Carrasquilla admitted that there was a bit of a kerfuffle with notifying parents of the lesson, which is a new policy implemented just two months ago. The policy requires that parents receive written notification two weeks prior to teaching potentially controversial content, according to The Independent.

Shortly after her lesson, Carrasquilla was called into an emergency school board meeting where she was forced to choose between resignation or being fired. She chose to resign, leaving the school less than a year after starting her tenure there.

While three parents were upset over the lesson, others were blindsided by the termination of the school principal. Carrie Boyd, who has a third and a seventh-grader at the school, told the Tallahassee Democrat that the principal's abrupt resignation was shocking to her and other parents. Boyd also voiced concerns over the "non-secular" direction the school appeared to be taking.

Classic painting of the Birth of Venus

"The Birth of Venus "by Botticelli

en.wikipedia.org

Tallahassee Classical School is a private charter school that has only been open for three years and is affiliated with Hillsdale College, a private conservative college located in Michigan, according to the Tallahassee Democrat. Barney Bishop, the school board chair, told HuffPost, "Parental rights trump everything else."

But it seems Carrasquilla is gaining support across the internet. Comments range from frustration to people comparing it to a "Simpson's" episode about censorship that remarkably also depicted the statue of "David."

"Heavens to Betsy, a body part depicted in one of the most famous pieces of art in all of history! What next?!?," David Weiss wrote.

Another commenter pointed out that the statue is in Animal Crossing, which is a video game that children play.

Statue of "David" by Michelangelo

"David" by Michelangelo

commons.wikimedia.org

The greatest confusion seemed to stem from classical artwork being considered controversial enough to require parental notification when the school markets itself as a "classical school" and Renaissance art is a requirement. Renaissance art isn't exactly known for its elaborate depiction of clothing; it's quite the opposite.

Surely, the ousted principal will find other employment, but for now, she and the rest of the internet are left feeling a bit flabbergasted by the seemingly drastic response to classical works of art.

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Education

100-year-old woman's speech against book bans in Florida school district goes viral

Grace Linn speaks for millions of Americans.

Jodi Picoult/TikTok

Grace Linn, 100, speaks at a Martin County School Board meeting on March 21, 2023.

Four hundred years ago, copies of William Tyndale’s English translation of the Bible were publicly burned by the bishop of London, with church authorities insisting that the Bible should only be read in Latin (and only by the clergy). In the centuries since, many books we now consider classics such as Daniel Defoe's "Robinson Crusoe," Jack London's "Call of the Wild," Walt Whitman’s "Leaves of Grass," Victor Hugo’s "Les Misérables, Charles Darwin’s "Origin of Species"—even Beatrix Potter's "The Tale of Peter Rabbit" and "Benjamin Bunny"—have been banned or censored in one way or another in various countries.

Battles over books are nothing new, but once in a while, they become particularly ugly or absurd, prompting people to speak out against book bans.

People like 100-year-old Florida resident, Grace Linn, whose speech at a Martin County School Board meeting has gone viral.

Author Jody Picoult, whose books have been in the crosshairs of the school district's book policy that saw 92 titles pulled from shelves for removal or review, shared the video to her TikTok channel where it's gotten a wave of supportive responses.

"I am Grace Linn. I am 100 years young," the centenarian began. "I'm here to protest our schools' district book-banning policy."

Linn explained that her husband, Robert Nickel, was killed in action in World War II at age 26.


"One of the freedoms that the Nazis crushed was the freedom to read the books they'd banned," she said. "They stopped the free press, banned and burned books." She went on to say that the right to read is an essential right guaranteed by the First Amendment, yet it is continually under attack "by both public and private groups who think they hold the truth."

Linn shared that she made a quilt last year, at age 99, in response to the book bans taking place around the country and in Martin County. Each quilt square shows a stack of books with titles of books that have been banned and targeted, including "Harry Potter," "A Wrinkle in Time," "Of Mice and Men," "Beloved" and more. The quilt's purpose, she said, was "to remind all of us that these few of so many more books that are banned and targeted need to be proudly displayed and protected—and read, if you choose to."

Linn said that burning books and banning books is done for the same reason: fear of knowledge.

"Fear is not freedom. Fear is not liberty. Fear is control. My husband died as a father of freedom. I am a mother of liberty."

Watch:

@jodipicoultbooks

I am so inspired by everyone who spoke up against book bánning at the Martin County School Board meeting today, including Grace Linn. Grace is, in her words, “100 years young.” She spoke about witnessing the rise of fascism during WWII, about losing her husband to the war when he was 26, and about protecting our freedom to read. Thank you, Grace, for reminding us that this is a part of history we must not repeat.

People loved Linn's passionate defense of the freedom to read books, calling her an "inspiration," a "hero" and a "helluva woman" in the comments.

Naturally, different people have different opinions about what books are appropriate for different ages, what should be required vs. voluntary reading and what kids should be shielded from. That's the whole point. Librarians have long been trusted to curate generally age-appropriate material for children's libraries and parents have always had the final say in what they allow their children to read, but laws such as the one passed in Florida are attempting to exert more control over what books are available. Not helping matters is that the law is vague and there has been a great deal of confusion as to whether educators could face felony charges for having offending material in their classrooms. Especially when offending material includes anything considered "critical race theory," which could theoretically include any books that talk about racism in American history realistically.

Banning books requires setting subjective criteria for problematic material, and as we've seen with many of the book-banning policies, that criteria can easily stretch into ridiculousness. Who decides and by what measure are the questions that book bans leave on the table. Thank you, Grace Linn, for standing up for the freedom to decide for ourselves what we and our kids get to read.

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