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Millennial woman uses clever '3 wishes' metaphor to explain why she doesn't want kids

"It's not some feminist brainwashing."

via Canva/Photos

A woman saying "back off."

There’s a growing trend in America of younger people not wanting to have children. In 2018, 37% of adults under 50 said that they didn’t want to have children, and, five years later in 2023, that number grew to 47%. That’s a big leap from those 50 and over, which over 31% said they never wanted to have children.

Why aren’t young people having as many kids?

There are many reasons why people decide not to have kids, whether it’s finances, the current state of the world, or a desire to spend their time and attention on their careers. But among those under 50 who aren’t interested in having children, the most popular reason is, they just don’t want to.

Tara Margulies, women’s health influencer and host of the Understand Your Cycle podcast, used a metaphor about a mythical genie in a bottle to explain why she doesn’t want to have any children. “If you gave me a genie and you said, 'You can have three wishes,' and I said, 'I want unlimited money. I want a 100% guarantee that I'm going to have zero complications in my pregnancy, my birth. It's not going to cause any problems in my relationship at all. And I'd magically have unlimited time to be able to do everything that I wanted as well as raise this child. I still wouldn't do it," Margulies said.

Margulies insists that her child-free choice is genuine and a hallmark of her generation. “And it's not some kind of feminist brainwash telling me that I'm finally allowed and should be selfish. It's that we are the first generation that's openly talking about it like this, and it makes people mad,” she said.

Her bottom line is simple: “Not everybody is meant to procreate, and that is okay.”

Margulies' followers shared their reasons for not wanting kids, which are all pretty straightforward. “Read something genius: Would I be a good mom? Yes. Would I be a happy mom? No." Anna wrote. “I don’t want children, and I never have. I have never felt the urge to be a mother. I honestly do not like kids, and pregnancy freaks me out. It is not the life for me. Courtney added.

woman says no, woman raises finger, no kids, childfree, independant woman, millennialA woman holding up her pointer finger.via Canva/Photos

A parent in the comments is totally on board with Margulies’ decision. “As a parent, I really don’t understand the hate and push to everyone to have kids. Kids are hard work. If you aren’t fully wanting it, why would you!" Luce wrote.

Margulies sees her decision as the logical result of the women’s rights movement. "In a lot of cases, we're the first generation of women in our lineage to be privileged enough to have a choice," Margulies told Newsweek. "We can make our own money, own our own property, we don't feel the pressure our parents felt to do what everyone else is doing."

woman says no, no kids, childfree, independant woman, millennial, noA woman with "no" written on her hands. via Canva/Photos

Margulies’ TikTok post is crucial because even though millennial women are in the position where they can confidently make their own reproductive choices, many women in her age group still feel pressured to have children. Those who do not are often stigmatized as selfish by their loved ones and society at large, even though studies show that childfree women are generally happier, healthier, less depressed, less anxious, and more satisfied than mothers. They also tend to have happier marriages and romantic relationship satisfaction.

The good news is that people like Margulies are choosing to be childfree because women have earned the right in developed countries to make their own reproductive choices and are in the position to live life on their own terms. Ultimately, it’s the best choice for all involved, because children deserve parents who fully invest in their decision to have them.

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What do women do when no one is watching? These images sum it up nicely.

Realness is key in Sally Nixon's work.

Artwork courtesy of Sally Nixon, used with permission.

The wonderfully real world of women.

woman in striped orange shirt sipping soda through a straw against leafy background
Nixon's insight is simple and beautiful.Artwork courtesy of Sally Nixon, used with permission.

Well, take a look at Sally Nixon's illustrations and you'll see.

illustration of women looking at movies in a video store

Just girly things.

Artwork courtesy of Sally Nixon, used with permission.

The subjects in her artwork aren't aware we're looking at them.

woman sits on a bench and stares at her phone in a mall

Unbothered.

Artwork courtesy of Sally Nixon, used with permission.

And that's the point. They're living in a world free from the pressures that exist in the real one.

illustration of women relaxing on a blanket outside eating donuts

Artwork courtesy of Sally Nixon, used with permission.

"I like drawing girls doing their everyday routine—just hanging out, not worried about what others are thinking," Nixon told Upworthy. "They're usually alone or with other girls. Their guard is down."

Editor's note: An image below contains partial nudity.

Capturing her subjects in this liberated light wasn't intentional at first, she explained.

woman sits on the toilet with her dog beside her

Mundane moments.

Artwork courtesy of Sally Nixon, used with permission.

But when she started a 365-day challenge in April in 2015 to create one art piece a day, the work started reflecting the nuances of her own life away from prying eyes— "I was kind of like, 'Oh, I'm brushing my teeth, so I'll draw that."— and a theme began to form. Her illustrations show how women look, away from the exhausting world where they're often judged more harshly than men.

illustrations of women having lunch outside against a red tile wall

Enjoying a drink.

Artwork courtesy of Sally Nixon, used with permission.

You also might notice none of the girls in her illustrations are smiling.

illustration of woman in her underwear sitting at the table spreading jam on bread

Because women aren't constantly smiling when they're on their own.

Artwork courtesy of Sally Nixon, used with permission.

According to Nixon, that's a deliberate choice.

"I don't sit around smiling to myself," Nixon said, noting the double standard that exists in thinking women should always appear cheerful. "I've been told, 'You need to smile more.' It's so infuriating. I wanted to show the way girls actually look, comfortably."

illustration of woman from the shoulders down standing at her open fridge

These works aim to capture slices of every day life, not posed moments.

Artwork courtesy of Sally Nixon, used with permission.

The theme of friendship is also an important one in Nixon's drawings.

illustration of two women sitting together on a couch with wine and cheese

In community.

Artwork courtesy of Sally Nixon, used with permission.

“I have four older sisters, so female friendship has always been a big part of my life," Nixon told The Huffington Post in 2016. “You gotta have someone to talk about periods with, and dudes just don't get it."

illustration of woman napping with her dog on her couch

Sometimes reality is a nap on the couch with your pup.

Artwork courtesy of Sally Nixon, used with permission.

Creating relatable scenes was key to Nixon, too — from the details of women's lives to the physical shapes of their bodies.

illustration of partially naked woman putting on pantyhose

Hidden moments and natural bodies.

Artwork courtesy of Sally Nixon, used with permission.

“It's important that the women I draw aren't rail thin with huge boobs," Nixon said. “I think there are enough images of bodies like that out in the world. The ladies I draw typically have small-ish, droopy breasts and thick thighs. They're kind of lumpy but in an attractive way. Just like real people."

The women in Nixon's work aren't real, but she hopes their stories are.

illustration of woman eating cake at kitchen counter

Let women eat cake.

Artwork courtesy of Sally Nixon, used with permission.

"One of my absolute favorite comments [on my work] is, 'Oh my God, it's me!'" she explained of the depictions. "There's a little bit of beauty in [everyday life] and I wanted to bring that out."

You can view more of Nixon's artwork on her website and check out her prints for purchase on Etsy.


This article originally appeared nine years ago.






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What I realized about feminism after my male friend was disgusted by tampons at a party

"After all these years, my friend has probably forgotten, but I never have."

Photo by Josefin on Unsplash

It’s okay men. You don’t have to be afraid.


Years ago, a friend went to a party, and something bothered him enough to rant to me about it later.

And it bothered me that he was so incensed about it, but I couldn't put my finger on why. It seemed so petty for him to be upset, and even more so for me to be annoyed with him.

Recently, something reminded me of that scenario, and it made more sense. I'll explain.

It was a house party.

One of those parties people throw if they're renting a good-sized house in college. You know the type—loud music, Solo cups of beer, and somebody doing something drunk and stupid before the end of the night.

At some point, my friend had occasion to use the bathroom. When he went into the bathroom, he was disgusted to see that the hostess had left a basket of menstrual hygiene products on the counter for guests to use if needed.

Later, when my friend told me about it, he wrinkled his nose and said, “Why would she do that? Guys don't want to see that!"

When I suggested that she was just making them available in case someone needed them, he insisted they could be left in the cabinet or under the counter. Out of sight, anyway.

I wish I'd had, at the time, the ability to articulate what I can now.

To me, this situation is, while relatively benign, a perfect example of male privilege.

A man walks into the bathroom and sees a reminder that people have periods. And he's disgusted. He wants that evidence hidden away because it offends his senses. How dare the hostess so blatantly present tampons and pads where a man might see them? There's no reason for that!

Someone who gets a period walks into the bathroom and sees that the hostess is being extra considerate. They get it. They know what it's like to have a period start unexpectedly. The feeling of horror because they're probably wearing something they don't want ruined—it is a party after all. The sick embarrassment because someone might notice, especially if they're wearing light-colored clothes, or worse, they sat on the hostess' white couch.

The self-conscious, semi-nauseated feeling of trying to get through a social event after you've exhausted every avenue to get your hands on an emergency pad or tampon, and you're just hoping to God that if you tie your jacket around your waist (you brought one, right?), keep your back to a wall, clench your butt cheeks, squeeze your thighs tightly together, and don't...move...at...all—you might get through the evening, bow out gracefully, and find an all-night convenience store with a public restroom.

Or maybe they came to the party during their period, but didn't bargain for the flow to suddenly get that heavy. Or they desperately need a tampon, but their purse or bag is in a room where a couple is not to be disturbed. Maybe they don't know the hostess well enough to ask if they can use one. Or they don't know anyone at the party well enough to ask. Or they figure they can make do with some wadded up toilet paper or something.

Whatever the case, they walk into the bathroom and hear the hostess saying, “Hey, I know what it's like, and just in case, I've got your back." They see someone saving them from what could be a minor annoyance or a major embarrassment.

The hostess gets it.

The person who just walked into the bathroom? They're either going to see that the person throwing the party is super considerate or they're going to be whispering "thanks to Jesus, Krishna, and whoever else is listening" because that is a basket full of social saviors.

But to the guy who wrinkled his nose, it's still offensive that those terrible little things are on the counter, reminding his delicate sensibilities that the playground part of a person is occasionally unavailable due to a "gross" bodily function that he should never have to think about.

In the grand scheme of things, it's a tiny thing. It's a tiny annoyance for the man and a more significant, but relatively tiny, courtesy for the person with their period. After all these years, my friend has probably forgotten, but I never have. As a person whose life is partially governed by a fickle uterus that can ruin an evening faster than a submerged iPhone, his story has stuck with me.

How can you be so offended by a small gesture that has zero effect on you, but could make such an enormous difference to the person who needs it?

It occurs to me now that this is a small but effective illustration of how different people can see the world.

It's part of the same thought process that measures a woman's value through her bra size and her willingness to have sex with him—that everything about us is displayed or hidden based on how men perceive them or what he wants to get from us. Unattractive women should be as covered as possible, while attractive ones shouldn't be hiding their assets from male eyes (or hands, or anything else he wishes to use).

A woman who isn't smiling is an affront to him because it detracts from her prettiness, despite the fact that there might be a legitimate reason for her not to smile (or more to the point, there isn't a legitimate reason for her to smile). Her emotional state is irrelevant because she's not being pretty. It's the line of thinking where a man blames anything other than cheerful sexual consent on the woman being a bitch, being a lesbian, or — naturally — being on her period. Everything we do, from our facial expressions to our use of hygiene products, is filtered through the lens of “how it looks to a man.”

It's the line of thinking where a small gesture from one person to another, an assurance that someone else understands and will help without question or judgment, a gesture that could save a person's evening from being ruined is trumped by a man's desire to see an untainted landscape of pretty, smiling women with visible cleavage and bodies that never bleed.

And people wonder why we still need feminism.


This story was written by L.A. Witt and originally appeared nine years ago.

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A man grossly misjudged how to speak to girls and got expertly handled by a Girl Scout

"No. Walk away."

Somewhere in Salt Lake City, a Girl Scout is getting allll the good mojo from The People of the Internet.

Over one weekend in March in 2020, Eli McCann shared a story of an encounter at a Girl Scout cookie stand that has people punching the air and shouting, YES! THAT'S HOW IT'S DONE. (Or maybe that's just me. But I'm guessing most of the 430,000 people who liked his story had a similar reaction.)

"I just saw the most wild thing!" McCann wrote on X (formerly Twitter). "A man started walking toward the Girl Scouts cookie stand in front of the grocery store and he yelled 'My bitches are BACK' and this Girl Scout just yelled 'No. Walk away.' AND HE DID."

So simple. So straightforward. But it gets even better.

McCann wrote out the full story on his blog, It Just Gets Stranger, offering some extra details to his tweets.

"It was truly jarring," he wrote of the man's exclamation. "Like, it was sort of the last thing I expected anyone to say. My mind suddenly rebooted. The six or so other people who were all standing around in front of the grocery store froze and looked at him. I opened my mouth to say something, but then really didn't know what to say."

"It was unclear who he was calling 'bitches,'" he continued. "If it was the Girl Scouts, well obviously that was terrible. If it was the cookies, I mean that's kind of funny (don't @ me), but totally inappropriate to say to a bunch of 12 year olds (is that how old Girl Scouts are?). Either way, he shouldn't have said it and I don't know what could have possibly made him think this was a fine way to approach a group of Girl Scouts."

McCann said the girl's response was immediate, and it floored everyone. "Her tone was so full of confidence and sass," he wrote. "It was the most perfectly delivered line I have ever heard."

"This dude completely froze. He just stopped walking. His face went bright red. His mouth was sort of gaping open. He did this very awkward and stilted nod, almost apologetic, abruptly turned around, and shuffled back to his car at like 6-minute-mile pace. The girl just death stared him all the way through his walk of shame."

McCann says it took him a bit to digest what he'd just seen.

"I ended up walking into the store and the entire time I was shopping I was just trying to process what had happened. I kept replaying it over and over and wondering if I had misheard or misunderstood something," he wrote.


"Who was this guy? Did he just make the biggest miscalculation of his life? Is he going to move away and start a new life now? Is that girl going to be president one day? Can I adopt her? Can she adopt me? Can I start a cult to follow her?"


As he was leaving the store, he went up to the girl to compliment her—then got another perfectly delivered line from the intrepid Girl Scout.

"Two adult women were standing behind the girl (the troop leaders, I assume)," he wrote. "I said to the girl, 'I saw how you handled that man earlier. That was really really impressive. Your troop is pretty lucky to have you.'"

"And this girl. This Goddess of a human. The one I'm for sure going to worship if ever she starts a religion. Without stuttering. With perfect comedic timing. She responded:

'You gotta be pretty tough if you're gonna go out in THIS outfit.'"

OMG.

Let's all give this girl a virtual high five for her gumption and wit. It takes a lot of courage to say something to an adult when you're a kid, especially a man who is doing something inappropriate. The fact that she seemed to have been perfectly prepared for that moment, shutting him down so immediately and decisively that everyone in the vicinity stopped to take note, is so dang impressive.

This is what happens when you teach girls their true worth and encourage them not to accept anything less than respect and dignity. Gotta love it.


This article originally appeared five years ago.

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