upworthy

feminism

Identity

A man grossly misjudged how to speak to girls and got expertly handled by a Girl Scout

"No. Walk away."

Somewhere in Salt Lake City, a Girl Scout is getting allll the good mojo from The People of the Internet.

Over one weekend in March in 2020, Eli McCann shared a story of an encounter at a Girl Scout cookie stand that has people punching the air and shouting, YES! THAT'S HOW IT'S DONE. (Or maybe that's just me. But I'm guessing most of the 430,000 people who liked his story had a similar reaction.)

"I just saw the most wild thing!" McCann wrote on X (formerly Twitter). "A man started walking toward the Girl Scouts cookie stand in front of the grocery store and he yelled 'My bitches are BACK' and this Girl Scout just yelled 'No. Walk away.' AND HE DID."

So simple. So straightforward. But it gets even better.

McCann wrote out the full story on his blog, It Just Gets Stranger, offering some extra details to his tweets.

"It was truly jarring," he wrote of the man's exclamation. "Like, it was sort of the last thing I expected anyone to say. My mind suddenly rebooted. The six or so other people who were all standing around in front of the grocery store froze and looked at him. I opened my mouth to say something, but then really didn't know what to say."

"It was unclear who he was calling 'bitches,'" he continued. "If it was the Girl Scouts, well obviously that was terrible. If it was the cookies, I mean that's kind of funny (don't @ me), but totally inappropriate to say to a bunch of 12 year olds (is that how old Girl Scouts are?). Either way, he shouldn't have said it and I don't know what could have possibly made him think this was a fine way to approach a group of Girl Scouts."

McCann said the girl's response was immediate, and it floored everyone. "Her tone was so full of confidence and sass," he wrote. "It was the most perfectly delivered line I have ever heard."

"This dude completely froze. He just stopped walking. His face went bright red. His mouth was sort of gaping open. He did this very awkward and stilted nod, almost apologetic, abruptly turned around, and shuffled back to his car at like 6-minute-mile pace. The girl just death stared him all the way through his walk of shame."

McCann says it took him a bit to digest what he'd just seen.

"I ended up walking into the store and the entire time I was shopping I was just trying to process what had happened. I kept replaying it over and over and wondering if I had misheard or misunderstood something," he wrote.


"Who was this guy? Did he just make the biggest miscalculation of his life? Is he going to move away and start a new life now? Is that girl going to be president one day? Can I adopt her? Can she adopt me? Can I start a cult to follow her?"


As he was leaving the store, he went up to the girl to compliment her—then got another perfectly delivered line from the intrepid Girl Scout.

"Two adult women were standing behind the girl (the troop leaders, I assume)," he wrote. "I said to the girl, 'I saw how you handled that man earlier. That was really really impressive. Your troop is pretty lucky to have you.'"

"And this girl. This Goddess of a human. The one I'm for sure going to worship if ever she starts a religion. Without stuttering. With perfect comedic timing. She responded:

'You gotta be pretty tough if you're gonna go out in THIS outfit.'"

OMG.

Let's all give this girl a virtual high five for her gumption and wit. It takes a lot of courage to say something to an adult when you're a kid, especially a man who is doing something inappropriate. The fact that she seemed to have been perfectly prepared for that moment, shutting him down so immediately and decisively that everyone in the vicinity stopped to take note, is so dang impressive.

This is what happens when you teach girls their true worth and encourage them not to accept anything less than respect and dignity. Gotta love it.


This article originally appeared five years ago.

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A woman's scary story of harassment got an infuriating reaction from men

Still, she came away from the viral experience encouraged by all the good people out there.

Photo by Molly Blackbird on Unsplash

With one simple tweet, Nathalie Gordon had the attention of men and women everywhere.

Women who saw her tweet probably knew more or less what kind of story was coming.

Men, on the other hand, were in for an eye-opening ride.

Gordon began by recounting a seemingly casual encounter with a man on a bus.

The conversation between Nathalie and the stranger quickly escalated from casual to obnoxious to downright scary.

"I'm horrified and turn to ask him to stop doing it. He laughs at me," she tweeted next.

When she ran to the front of the bus to report the man to the driver, the driver reportedly told her to "sit somewhere else."

The bus driver was no help.

"You're a pretty girl, what do you expect?" the driver asked her. Gordon had a pretty powerful answer to that.

As Gordon's tweets went viral, similar stories from countless other women poured in.

Several women responded about their own run-ins with creeps on public transit.

One woman wrote that, in her case, it was the bus driver himself who wouldn't take "no" for an answer, actually following her off the bus one day and insisting on a date.

"The stories I'm being told [from women] are harrowing," Gordon explained over Twitter direct message. "There's a real sense of hopeless when you see these messages en masse."

Then men began responding to Gordon's story, many unthinkingly proving her exact point: They just didn't get it.

Quickly, the Not All Men brigade was out in full force. So were the Victim Blamers, and the This Never Happened gang.

Some of their responses were truly vile.

One man even responded by writing a lengthy screed from the perspective of Gordon's bus driver, in which he tried to explain that the bus driver's right to say "no" to helping a female passenger avoid being sexually harassed or assaulted is what equality really looks like because the bus driver shouldn't have to "fight her battles for her."

To them, Gordon has one simple answer: "Men, your input isn't necessary here. Just listen."

"Don't find fault or shout your opinion over people talking about actual experiences," she later wrote. "Just listen, read these stories and be a better, kinder, more informed, supportive and understanding man for the women in your lives."

Despite the critics and the doubters, Gordon says she came away from the discussion feeling encouraged.

"For every guy saying something cruel there's 10 rushing to my defence," she explains.

"They've recognised that women don't want, need or expect to be saved. We want people standing beside us going 'This is wrong, we need to find a way to stop this from happening.'"

"I know so many good men and this has confirmed that there are plenty more out there," Gordon says. "I just hope they are as vocal in real life as they are on Twitter because they have such power if they do."


This article originally appeared on 5.11.17

Identity

An artist replaced the men in these classic Westerns with women. The images are awesome.

She turned the "sexy cowgirl" trope on its head.

Felice House

When Felice House moved to Texas from Massachusetts, she quickly fell in love with "Western" culture.

Felice House stands in a hallway art galleryTimothy Douglas

House, a painter and artist, moved to Austin to study for her master's degree before becoming an assistant professor of painting at Texas A&M University.

At first, the culture shock was fun. House says she quickly became infatuated with the Western genre: the outfits, the cowboy boots, the music.

"But when I actually got around to watching Western movies," she adds, "I was horrified by the roles for ... anybody except white men basically."

The stoic renegades played by John Wayne, James Dean, and Clint Eastwood stood in stark contrast to the helpless damsels they shared the screen with. The empowered and the powerless.

House had spent much of her career painting women in ways that clashed with media representations, so she decided to tackle the male-dominated Western genre.

She put out a call for models and was quickly overwhelmed with women who wanted to participate.

Woman in cowboy gear with red bandanaFelice House

House says many of the models already knew which iconic cowboy they wanted to portray.

Woman in cowboy gear with pink shirt and red bandanaFelice House

Virginia Schmidt became "Virginia Eastwood."

Woman in old fashioned Western sceneFelice House

Then there was "Liakesha Dean."

Woman in cowboy hat and red bandanaFelice House

And "Rebekah Wayne."

Woman in cowboy hat with eye patch and yellow bandanaFelice House

House first photographed the models in Western getups, then painted from the images she captured.

Woman in cowboy hat riding a horse and reaching for holsterFelice House

She also says practicing the facial expressions and body language was the hardest part for the models.

Woman lounging cowboy gear and red bootsFelice House

"Women are kind of trained to make coy, approachable facial expressions," she says.

Woman in cowboy hat pointing pistolFelice House

Turning these women into iconic and powerful heroes meant stripping away any remnants of the "sexy cowgirl" trope.

Two women in cowboy hats and Western gear holding a rifleFelice House

The paintings themselves are larger than life. Roughly 1.25 times larger, to be specific.

Woman in cowboy hat and Sheriff star holding a pistolFelice House

"When you see them in person, people are surprised by the scale." People aren't used to women towering over them, House says.

Woman in old fashioned Western clothing with rifleFelice House

And that's exactly the point. House wanted to start a conversation about who is assigned power and how we view it.

Woman sitting in cowboy boots holding two pistolsFelice House

In that sense, the timing couldn't have been better. "Issues with gender and power in the U.S. are kind of in the forefront of people's minds, " she says.

Woman in old fashioned Western scene in cowboy gearFelice House

In the very beginning of the project, House says she simply digitally clipped one of the models heads and put it on John Wayne's body.

"It looked ridiculous," she says with a laugh. "But then I thought, what if I could find a way to give this same sense of power [that iconic male heroes have] to women?"

With a brush and a few massive canvases, she managed to do just that, and she hopes it'll make a few people think differently about how we define who can be a hero.

In the meantime, and despite her criticisms of the films of yesteryear, House says pop culture is getting better at representing women. Projects like this one definitely help.

After all, it was John Wayne himself who once said, "Tomorrow hopes we have learned something from yesterday."


This article originally appeared on 3.17.17

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Health

What I realized about feminism after my male friend was disgusted by tampons at a party

"After all these years, my friend has probably forgotten, but I never have."

Photo by Josefin on Unsplash

It’s okay men. You don’t have to be afraid.



Years ago, a friend went to a party, and something bothered him enough to rant to me about it later.

And it bothered me that he was so incensed about it, but I couldn't put my finger on why. It seemed so petty for him to be upset, and even more so for me to be annoyed with him.

Recently, something reminded me of that scenario, and it made more sense. I'll explain.

The party was a house party.

One of those parties people throw if they're renting a good-sized house in college. You know the type — loud music, Solo cups of beer, and somebody doing something drunk and stupid before the end of the night.

At some point, my friend had occasion to use the bathroom. When he went into the bathroom, he was disgusted to see that the hostess had left a basket of menstrual hygiene products on the counter for guests to use if needed.

Later, when my friend told me about it, he wrinkled his nose and said, “Why would she do that? Guys don't want to see that!"

When I suggested that she was just making them available in case someone needed them, he insisted they could be left in the cabinet or under the counter. Out of sight, anyway.

I wish I'd had, at the time, the ability to articulate what I can now.

To me, this situation is, while relatively benign, a perfect example of male privilege.

A man walks into the bathroom and sees a reminder that people have periods. And he's disgusted. He wants that evidence hidden away because it offends his senses. How dare the hostess so blatantly present tampons and pads where a man might see them? There's no reason for that!

Someone who gets a period walks into the bathroom and sees that the hostess is being extra considerate. They get it. They know what it's like to have a period start unexpectedly. The feeling of horror because they're probably wearing something they don't want ruined — it is a party after all. The sick embarrassment because someone might notice, especially if they're wearing light-colored clothes, or worse, they sat on the hostess' white couch.

The self-conscious, semi-nauseated feeling of trying to get through a social event after you've exhausted every avenue to get your hands on an emergency pad or tampon, and you're just hoping to God that if you tie your jacket around your waist (you brought one, right?), keep your back to a wall, clench your butt cheeks, squeeze your thighs tightly together, and don't ... move ... at ... all — you might get through the evening, bow out gracefully, and find an all-night convenience store with a public restroom.

Or maybe they came to the party during their period, but didn't bargain for the flow to suddenly get that heavy. Or they desperately need a tampon, but their purse or bag is in a room where a couple is not to be disturbed. Maybe they don't know the hostess well enough to ask if they can use one. Or they don't know anyone at the party well enough to ask. Or they figure they can make do with some wadded up toilet paper or something.

Whatever the case, they walk into the bathroom and hear the hostess saying, “Hey, I know what it's like, and just in case, I've got your back." They see someone saving them from what could be a minor annoyance or a major embarrassment.

The hostess gets it.

The person who just walked into the bathroom? They're either going to see that the person throwing the party is super considerate or they're going to be whispering "thanks to Jesus, Krishna, and whoever else is listening" because that is a basket full of social saviors.

But to the guy who wrinkled his nose, it's still offensive that those terrible little things are on the counter, reminding his delicate sensibilities that the playground part of a person is occasionally unavailable due to a "gross" bodily function that he should never have to think about.

In the grand scheme of things, it's a tiny thing. It's a tiny annoyance for the man and a more significant, but relatively tiny, courtesy for the person with their period. After all these years, my friend has probably forgotten, but I never have. As a person whose life is partially governed by a fickle uterus that can ruin an evening faster than a submerged iPhone, his story has stuck with me.

How can you be so offended by a small gesture that has zero effect on you, but could make such an enormous difference to the person who needs it?

It occurs to me now that this is a small but effective illustration of how different people can see the world.

It's part of the same thought process that measures a woman's value through her bra size and her willingness to have sex with him — that everything about us is displayed or hidden based on how men perceive them or what he wants to get from us. Unattractive women should be as covered as possible, while attractive ones shouldn't be hiding their assets from male eyes (or hands, or anything else he wishes to use).

A woman who isn't smiling is an affront to him because it detracts from her prettiness, despite the fact that there might be a legitimate reason for her not to smile (or more to the point, there isn't a legitimate reason for her to smile). Her emotional state is irrelevant because she's not being pretty. It's the line of thinking where a man blames anything other than cheerful sexual consent on the woman being a bitch, being a lesbian, or — naturally — being on her period. Everything we do, from our facial expressions to our use of hygiene products, is filtered through the lens of “how it looks to a man.”

It's the line of thinking where a small gesture from one person to another, an assurance that someone else understands and will help without question or judgment, a gesture that could save a person's evening from being ruined is trumped by a man's desire to see an untainted landscape of pretty, smiling women with visible cleavage and bodies that never bleed.

And people wonder why we still need feminism.


This story was written by L.A. Witt and originally appeared on 8.12.16

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