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Need help with a rude kid? Teachers share 9 ways to deal with kids who make rude comments.

Parents, if your kid is acting rude, take some tips from the pros.

Photo credit: Canva

A girl sticking out her tongue.

Few things are more frightening for parents than raising a rude and entitled child. Younger kids just say whatever is on their minds, so you can change their behavior by letting them know that their words can hurt people’s feelings. But when kids get older and know better, many go through a phase where they challenge their parents and teachers by seeing how far they can push things by being inappropriate.

Once kids are intentionally rude, you’ve got to nip it in the bud before it becomes an ingrained part of their personality.

This is a challenging phase for parents because there are many ways to respond to a child's rude comments. You can ignore them and hope they stop because their behavior isn't getting them any attention. Or you can react and show them that being rude can get a rise out of someone.

A group of teachers has come to the aid of anyone who wants tips on handling their child’s rude behavior. A Redditor who is a teacher having difficulty dealing with rude students asked the teachers' subforum for help and they shared many creative and effective ways to handle the situation. “I like kids, but they can definitely be brutal. I’m rather sensitive, but I don’t know what to say to kids that insult others/me besides ‘that’s not nice’ or ‘that hurts people’s feelings,’” the teacher wrote in the post.

The responses showed that there’s more than one way to handle a rude child, whether it’s a witty comeback or digging down deep and talking with the child about the root cause of their anger.

Here are 9 ways teachers say they deal with kids acting rude.

How do I stop my kid from being rude?

1. Quick comebacks

"I have kids of my own so I have years of experience either with great comebacks or just agreeing with them. I had a student tell me I’m annoying. I told him that I guess he better hurry up and finish what he was doing so I could stop annoying him. I had one tell me I was fat and I replied all the better to squish him with."

"So my first year teaching... One day, I wore an empire waist shirt that I loved. And this asshole in the back of the classroom, who's been a jerk all period, goes, 'Yo, Miss! Are you pregnant?' To which I turned around and replied, 'No I'm just fat. Can we please move on now?' He never gave me problems after that. (I did throw out that shirt, tho.)"

"I found the best way to deal with rude students is to evenly inform them exactly how their behavior comes across, and ask them if that was their intention. They're usually too surprised you aren't being reactionary to lie."

2. Explain why

"I had a little one (1st grade) poke my stomach and ask if I was pregnant. My aid gasped and I chuckled. I told him I was not pregnant and, while it did not hurt my feelings, that asking that question could hurt some people. When he asked why I told him it makes people feel like you think they are fat and some people can’t have babies and it really hurts them because they want babies but can’t have them. He hugged me and said sorry. He then told his friends not to ask people if they were pregnant because it hurts them. I have found calmly telling children why it is rude helps. This doesn’t work as well with older kids though."

"Depending on what is being said, I usually tell them what they said is rude and that’s not how we talk to people. So if they say you’re fat, you say it’s not kind to comment on someone’s weight or size, don’t do it again. It’s ok to tell them they’re being rude and to use their manners. Kids of all ages are capable of understanding that."

3. Consequences

"Tell them they are free to say whatever they want, but they should recognize that there are consequences as well. For example, people won't want to be friends with someone who is rude!"

4. Think sheet

"I don’t know what the consequence structure at your school is but for my school we would typically do a 'think sheet' if something like that happens. Kid has to write about how what they did was wrong and how to not do it again. Parent gets an email home and the sheet gets added to the kid’s file."

5. Get to know them

"If rude behavior is something that you've been dealing with all year, I'd also make a point to focus on the kids who are the worst at having bad attitudes and getting to know them better. Try spending a few minutes a day with them and get to know them, once they realize you care about them, they may be more inclined to be polite."

How to respond to a rude child

6. Are you trying to hurt me?

"Honesty is the best way. 'That’s a hurtful thing to say. Are you trying to hurt me right now?' But not taking things personally from kids is like, a requirement for the job."

I have success with the 'how do you think that makes (person) feel?' Or the 'can you find a different way of saying that that doesn’t have hurtful language.' Of the student is more recalcitrant, a simple 'try again.' with direct eye contact can be effective. If all that fails, then leave the scene with a statement like 'that’s unfortunate you felt the need to use that kind of hurtful language. I’d love to keep talking with you, but i can’t if you’re going to talk to me that way..' walk away or start talking to another student."

7. Three questions

"Remind them quite calmly that they’re speaking to a human being and that it’s worth considering what they’re about to say by asking themselves three questions: 1. Is it true? 2. Is it necessary? 3. Is it nice? No to any of those questions = don’t say it.
Ignore it."

"I'm not sure about kids that young, but something I do a lot with middle and high schoolers is just say ok and move on (if it’s towards me, towards other kids requires more attention. I’ve found that most of the time they are just looking for the reaction they get from it and by just saying ok and going back to whatever you were doing before then it really throws them off and suddenly they feel less ok about it. I’ve even had some kids get somewhat embarrassed because they were expecting the class to have a good laugh at my expense but instead they just looked like the jerk that insulted the teacher in front of the whole class."

8. Model your reaction

"I think that it's really important to model with kids. When a child insults you, it's an opportunity to show all the kids how to react to an insult. How would you like to see them react in that same situation?"

"Just an example, but you could stop the class and say 'Guys, eyes on me for a minute. I want to talk about something. Somebody just told me that I'm chubby and annoying. How do you think that made me feel? Right, that made me feel [how you felt]. Has something like that ever happened to you? How did you feel? What's a good way to respond? What can you do to make something like this better if you hurt someone's feelings?' There's a million ways to turn it into a teachable moment."

9. Examine their hurt

"Pull out the healing edge: leaning in 'Has someone hurt you and made it feel like you have to talk that way, or otherwise you'll get hurt again?' Because almost always that's exactly what has happened. And speaking aloud their wound in front of them will completely flip their world. Either they will stop messing with you because they don't want their hurt spoken aloud or you'll find them approaching you after class and maybe bursting into tears as they relate something that has been weighing on them heavily and you're the first person that has recognized their wound but not stabbed it further."

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parenting

Family

Mom's complaint about scary Halloween decorations in her neighborhood gets a delightful reality check

Talk about a lesson in coexisting.

Photo credit: Canva

A woman was criticized for asking if neighborhoods could put up less "scary" Halloween decor.

Halloween is upon us, and with it a bajillion ways to decorate. You could choose a movie-specific theme, gothic Victorian, I even saw a whole section at Home Goods dedicated to cutesy pink ghosts and pumpkins. The possibilities are endless.

But most folks will probably stick to a tried-and-true aesthetic: horror. After all, you wanna make those decorations bought years prior worth the purchase. And for many, going all out with the scary vibes is part of the fun.

Still…someone thinks those folks should tone it down a bit.

A mom who goes by @lindswitt on TikTok recently said,“I’m going to need someone to explain to me why people decorate their homes for Halloween in complete horror,” when they live in a neighborhood that has young kids.

She pointed out one home in particular in her neighborhood that has its garage “covered…corner to corner” with a pictures of the clown from It, aka Pennywise.

“That is only one of the decorations that I get the joy as a mom of explaining what that picture is and trying to shape it in a way that doesn’t sound terrifying to my young children,” she said.

While she did add the caveat that she understands everyone has the right to decorate their home for the holiday in a way that they see fit, she still argued that “just from a humanity aspect, in a neighborhood with children, why decorate your home with such horror in such a bold, loud, unmissable way? It’s not even October and mommy is already tired of explaining ‘Oh it’s just a friendly clown, that’s just the way he smiles.’”

@lindswitt are most parents unbothered by this?? #halloween #decorations #momsoftiktok #mom #toddlermom #momlife ♬ original sound - lindswitt

The video quickly racked up over 100,000 views, along with a few comments serving as funny, if not a little snarky, reality checks.

“Because it’s their house,” one person wrote, keeping it simple and to the point.

“As a mom of a two year old... it’s Halloween. Hope this helps,” quipped another.

A few more:

“Can someone please make me understand why people use their free will to do the things that they want at their house cuz I just can't get it?!?! WHY DON'T THEY THINK OF MY FAMILY FIRST??!?!”

“Her neighbors should take turns constantly knocking on her door to get her kids' approval on everything before they purchase. Gotta make sure these kids learn that the world will cater to them!”

“I hope we learned something today.”

Plenty of parents with small kids chimed in as well:

As a mom, w four kids who also decorated her house scary…it’s Halloween and I tell them it’s a scary decoration, or it's from a scary movie. No other explanation required. It's not that serious.

“I have four kids and I have never once expected the rest of the world to cater to them lol. Not every space is meant for kids and that’s okay. Maybe just try to avoid the house if you can.”

“…as a mom of teens I promise they’ll survive.”

Listen, it sounds like maybe this mom is operating from frustration and fatigue, and the parental balancing act of shielding your kids from the world and letting them learn to navigate through it isn’t easy—so let’s cut her some slack.

But just focusing on the conversation her video sparked, it’s easy to see how wanting to protect kids can go too far. After all, parents never quite know what is going to elicit an intense fear reaction from their kid—I was terrified of the Easter Bunny, for crying out loud. Having to explain the difference between real and imaginary is part of the parenting gig, and not someone else’s burden.

Bottom line: everyone seemed to agree that this was nothing worth getting upset about. And it’s nice to have universal agreement from time to time.

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Education

It's not COVID, it’s culture: Teacher who has worked overseas shares the problem with U.S. kids

"The problem is cultural."

via LisaConselatore/TikTok and Hunter Johnson/Unsplash

Teacher Lisa Conselatore isn't holding back.

A recent study by the National Center for Education Statistics found that 87% of public schools say the COVID-19 pandemic has negatively impacted students' socio-emotional development. Respondents have also said there has been a significant increase in student misconduct.

However, a teacher with 24 years of experience in the U.S. and abroad believes we are misplacing blame for this rise in misconduct. In a viral TikTok video with over 480,000 views, Lisa Conselatore claims that the big problem isn’t the pandemic but modern parenting.

“The problem is cultural," Conselatore says. "We have raised children to think that they are absolutely the most important person in any room. They are so special that whatever they want to do, or whatever they think, or whatever they say is the most important thing in that moment.”

@lisaconselatore
Visit TikTok to discover videos!

“I know your children are special to you. I know that my children are special to me,” she continues. “But none of them are the most special person ever in the room at any time. They're not. Nobody is because we live in a society and we all have to get along and we all have to respect one another and part of respecting one another is recognizing when you have a contribution to make and when you need to sit there and open your ears. … We don't have that down. We've missed it.”

In the video, Conselatore lays some pretty big blame on America’s parents, but she also offers some simple solutions to improve the situation.

“Teach them when to listen, taking a turn to speak. Speak when it's appropriate. When you have something to say and. It's your turn,” she says. “Let's reevaluate our family cultures, our community cultures, and our larger society cultures. Because of this is not working, not working.”

This article originally appeared on 11.7.23

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teachers

Family

People are sharing the parenting trends that absolutely ‘need to end now’

Here are 21 of the best responses.

via Pexels

Not all trends in parenting are a good thing

It’s tough to quantify whether today’s parents are stricter or more permissive than previous generations, but the overall sentiment seems to be that parents are more lenient than they were a few decades back.

A poll by YouGov found that younger Americans are more likely than their elders to have been raised by “not very strict” or “not at all strict” parents. Thirty-nine percent of under-30s say that their parents weren't very strict or not strict at all, compared to only 15% of over-65s.

Nicola Kraus, author of “The Nanny Diaries,” believes that it’s a natural outgrowth of the fact that we know a lot more about children than we did in the past.

“We are deeply aware that our children are cognizant, conscious humans in a way previous generations weren't aware. Children were treated like pets or-worse-release-valves for their parents' stresses and fears, then expected to magically transform into healthy, functional adults,” she writes.

But this change in parenting has encouraged other trends that many think are creating a greater number of entitled young adults who can’t fend for themselves. These days we have helicopter parents, bulldozer parents and dependent parents whose overinvolvement in their children’s lives renders them incapable of becoming fully integrated adults.

Reddit user u/qquackie asked the online forum "What parenting 'trend' do you strongly disagree with?" and got an overwhelming number of responses from people who think that today's parents are raising entitled children.

Many of the responders think that parents are being too sensitive with their children and they don’t provide firm boundaries. They also think it’s a big problem for kids to think they’re the center of the universe.

Here are 21 of the most popular responses to the parenting question.

1. Pretending that not parenting is parenting

"I won't tell my child to stop kicking your leg repeatedly because i don't want to crush his spirit!' — StoicDonkey

2. Denying your kid any negative experiences or emotions

"They are a normal part of being a person, teach them to handle negative emotions now before you send them out into a world they are not prepared to handle." — IAmRules

3. Fake “gentle parenting”

"You hear and see so many parents letting their children do whatever they want, no matter how destructive, rude or hurtful their behaviours are. Parents find themselves beholden to the whims of their childrens’ emotions in the name of gentle parenting, instead of true gentle parenting where (so I hear) boundaries are set alongside validating emotions." — candianuk

4. Not setting clear boundaries

"You are the adult, not the kid. Children benefit sooo much more from clear rules and consequences." — NorthWeight3580

5. The “bulldozer” parent

"The parent who removes all obstacles/challenges from a child’s life so they don’t learn about perseverance, problem solving, failure (sometimes you can try hard and still not get the reward) and learning from mistakes - unless the goal is to develop a highly anxious person - then, being a bulldozer parent is great." — spinefexmouse

6. Stage-mom syndrome

"Abusing the talents of your child just to boost your self image in society." — sweettooth_92

7. Nonstop supervision

"Hovering over them at every turn. Whatever happened to tossing them in a play area in another room and letting them create, explore, and get the occasional bumps?" — ansibley

8. Not believing the teacher

"'My kid never lies to me.' Seriously. Parents absolutely should be their kid’s biggest supporter. But support sometimes means holding the kid responsible when they don’t do the right thing." — jdith123

9. "No talking back!"

"If this also counts... Parents who punish their kids for speaking up or otherwise explaining something, saying that they're 'talking back.' I honestly don't get why most parents refuse to admit they're not always right sometimes. Besides, what if their kid one day comes up to them and says another adult is touching them inappropriately?" — EntryRepresentative5

10. Helicopter parenting

"Kids need freedom to explore the world, get dirty, engage in free play. I am not advocating putting the child outside on a Saturday morning and telling them to come home when the street lights come on, but an age acceptable level of freedom." — Cat_Astrophe_X

11. Pushing them too hard

"Pushing them too hard in sports, academics, etc. Like pushing til they need therapy or get injured, no free time, no downtime. FFS, they only get to be young & without excessive responsibilities once." — Oh-Oh-Ophelia

12. Tablets in public

"Loud cartoons and games on tablets in public places." — StarrCreationsLLC

13. Potty training too late

"Oh man, I’m a nanny and work in daycare. I can talk so much about this. One is late potty training. Waiting to potty train a child is more and more common. Which I generally agree with. Wait until they’re 2.5-3 and knock it out. Some take longer, some are probably ready earlier. Better than rushing it and causing issues. What this has turned into. Not potty training. I nanny a 4 year old that is still in pull ups. She is more than capable of using the potty. Our 4 year old classroom just installed a diaper genie because so many 4 year olds are starting preschool in diapers. My best friend who is a Kindergarten teacher had 2 kids start kindergarten in diapers. Luckily they’re potty trained now." — cleaning-meaning

14. Kids on social media

"Creating social media channels for your children where they proceed to upload videos and photos of their kids. Perfect place for pedophiles." — AJSK18

15. Too much structure

"I guess the overall trend of prioritizing academics/extracurriculars and college admissions over everything else. Give your kids some chores and let them hang out with their friends outside of structured sports and musical activities!" — hausfrau224

16. Tablet addiction

"Constantly giving your kid(s) a tablet or cellphone to keep them busy because you can't be bothered to actually be a parent or pay attention to them." — ZRuneDemonX

17. Letting the kid make all the choices

"I believe kids should have reasonable choices, like what their snack is and the character that's on their bedspread, but you can't let your 3 year old decide when you're allowed to leave your house. The world doesn't work that way." — cihojuda

18. Silence

"Saying 'what goes on in this house, stays in this house.' I know hundreds of victims of abuse, go through years of pain because of this phrase." — Dixie_Maclant

19. Birthdays

"The social media trend that keeps upping the expectations for birthday parties and any celebration connected to a kid. When I was a kid, birthdays consisted of a handmade invitation made by me, a cake from the grocery store, food that my Mom cooked and then inviting some friends and family over for games. Today's expectation is that every monthversary and half-birthday consist of a huge arch of balloons that will end up in the trash, a customized three-tier fondant cake, gift wrapping that color-coordinates with the themed party favors and of course, a very intentional outfit for the numerous photo ops that will take up most of the day. Anything for the 'gram, right? Don't even get me started on gender reveal announcements." — littlebunsenburner

20. Parent, not friend

"Trying to be your kid's 'friend,' not a parent. A parent is there to provide guidance and responsible behavior to model. Yes, sometimes making their actions have consequences and setting boundaries can be difficult and they'll not be too happy with you. That's part of the job. Ultimately I think that will result in a healthier relationship than being the "cool" permissive parent. I've seen results of that style of (not) parenting with very sad outcomes." — DataPlenty

21. You're not special

"Perpetuating the myth that one's children are somehow special. With about 97% certainty, they are not. Teaching them that they are just sets them up for crushing disappointment down the road. It's far better to raise kids to believe they are ordinary people with a few gifts, but also some flaws and weaknesses." — AssistantToTheSensei

This article originally appeared on 2.20.23

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Popular

Soon-to-be ex-teacher goes off on parents who 'coddle and enable' kids. Internet applauds.

Maybe I can be the voice of reason. THIS HAS TO STOP.”

via via Facebook/Julie Marburger

Teachers may be educating the future of America, but they are often underpaid, underappreciated, and overworked.

Julie Marburger, a sixth-grade teacher at Cedar Creek Intermediate School in Texas, went viral after she aired her frustrations with students, parents, and administrators on Facebook. The post was later deleted.

I left work early today after an incident with a parent left me unable emotionally to continue for the day. I have already made the decision to leave teaching at the end of this year, and today, I don't know if I will make it even that long. Parents have become far too disrespectful, and their children are even worse. Administration always seems to err on the side of keeping the parent happy, which leaves me with no way to do the job I was hired to do...teach kids.

I am including photos that I took in my classroom over the past two days. This is how my classroom regularly looks after my students spend all day there. Keep in mind that many of the items damaged or destroyed by my students are my personal possessions or I purchased myself, because I have NO classroom budget. I have finally had enough of the disregard for personal and school property and am drawing a line in the sand on a myriad of behaviors that I am through tolerating. Unfortunately, one parent today thought it was wrong of me to hold her son accountable for his behavior and decided to very rudely tell me so, in front of her son.

Marburger included these photos of her classroom in disarray, including torn up text books, broken bookshelves, and a piece of chewed-up gum stuck to a window.

via Facebook/Julie Marburger

Report cards come out later this week, and I have nearly half of my students failing due to multiple (8-10) missing assignments. Most of these students and their parents haven't seemed to care about this over the past three months, though weekly reports go out, emails have been sent and phone calls have been attempted.

But now I'm probably going to spend my entire week next week fielding calls and emails from irate parents, wanting to know why I failed their kid. My administrator will demand an explanation of why I let so many fail without giving them support, even though I've done practically everything short of doing the work for them. And behavior in my class will deteriorate even more. I am expecting this, because it is what has happened at the end of every other term thus far.

Marburger explained that it was her dream to be a teacher, but in just two short years, the job has beaten her down so much that she is ready to call it quits.

In the end, Marburger offered a little advice to parents:

People absolutely HAVE to stop coddling and enabling their children. It's a problem that's going to spread through our society like wildfire. It's not fair to society, and more importantly, is not fair to the children to teach them this is okay. It will not serve them towards a successful and happy life.

Many will say I shouldn't be posting such things on social media...that I should promote education and be positive. But I don't care anymore. Any passion for this work I once had has been wrung completely out of me. Maybe I can be the voice of reason. THIS HAS TO STOP.

Before it was deleted, Marburger's Facebook post was shared over 350,000 times, and garnered tons of support from fellow educators who sympathize with her position.

"This is exactly why my wife walked away from finishing her teaching degree. You'll have my respect if you take a stand and tell your administration that you aren't coming back tomorrow or ever again. Someone has to draw the line and start making the statement that spineless administrators are going to have to stop kissing entitled parents asses," wrote one person.

"I'm with you girl. You read my mind. I was in the exact same shoes yesterday. I left in tears too and most kids saw me. Many of them were sympathetic but some cheered and said they were happy i was leaving as I walked by crying. I, like you spend about 20 hours outside my contract time a week doing everything I can to be the best teacher possible and spend hundreds of dollars out of my own pocket every year to have the supplies I need to give these kids the best educational experience possible," posted another.

"I thought I could make it another 7 weeks," the posted continued. "But after yesterday I'm not sure. I'm taking today and tomorrow off to figure out my options. I'll keep you in my prayers. Please do the same for me!"

This story originally appeared on 7.15.21

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entitled kids

Need help with a rude kid? Teachers share 9 ways to deal with kids who make rude comments.

Parents, if your kid is acting rude, take some tips from the pros.

How do I stop my kid from being rude?

How to respond to a rude child