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divorce

Family

"You deserve better": Mom leaves her husband after he refuses to clean up for 6 days straight

That's the sound of women everywhere applauding.

via @5kids5catssomedogstoo/TikTok

Lynalice Bandy shares what her home looks like after working six 10-hour days and getting no help from her husband.

Household inequity is getting better in some households. In others, it's completely out of control. A viral TikTok video highlights an extreme version of inequality that many wives and mothers in heterosexual relationships face. However, the mom in this story hit her limit and won’t deal with it anymore. Lynalice Bandy, who goes by @5kids5catssomedogstoo on TikTok, posted a video that showed her home looking like a disaster after she worked six 10-hour days straight while her husband did nothing to help.

Her time-lapse video shows every room in the house completely trashed, with toys, food, and laundry scattered everywhere. "Shampoo on the carpets in the girls' room, nail polish all over nugget covers, hair, and carpet. Scissors were used to cut hair, the down comforter, the mattress cover, and two nugget covers," wrote the mom. “I’ve worked six, ten-hour days in a row with only one day off being a sick day,” she captioned the video. “I’d like to pretend I’m not the only person who cleans here, but as you can see…These rooms don’t get much attention when I’m not here."

@5kids2catsandsomechaos
#divorce #parentingfail #messyhouse #whenwomen #depressionanxiety #clean #satifying

She says her husband’s excuse was that he was focused on doing his schoolwork and couldn’t pay attention to the kids. "Now, that school is out for a break, he doesn't have that excuse anymore," Bandy says, noting that all of his attention has been focused on “the four vehicles in our driveway that he wants to work on continuously.”

In a follow-up video, Bandy announced that she left her husband after the debacle.

The original video received over 17,000 comments, many of which were from supportive women. "You deserve much better, and he deserves to be alone. Much love to you from someone that left that life behind almost 20 yrs ago. You'll get here, too," Angela LaRoche wrote.

"Ma’am, you are nothing short of amazing! Hang in there!" Japanese with Jenny wrote. "That home is beautiful because of YOU," Hillary added. "You put in so much work, and it is not unseen by me and so many others. But, you DO deserve better. Proud of you."

@5kids2catsandsomechaos
Sounds about right…

Even though Bandy’s experience with her husband is an extreme case of a couple whose domestic duties are way out of balance, it points to a problem that plagues many households. Even though it’s 2025 and families are becoming more equal, women still do significantly more housework than men.

A study utilizing data from the Bureau of Labor Statistics' American Time Use Survey found that women 15 years and older spend 5.7 hours daily doing housework and looking after kids and elders. Men in the same age group do an average of 3.6 hours of daily domestic work. That’s a 37% difference in time spent on household responsibilities.

domestic duties, marriage inequality, lazy husbands, messy houses, household chores, upset woman, tired woman A woman who is upset that she has to do chores again.via Canva/Photos

Further, women who work an average of 35 hours a week spend 4.9 hours a day on household chores and child care, while men who work the same amount spend an average of 3.8 hours.

The comments show that many women are frustrated with their husbands for not doing their fair share. Hopefully, this video will encourage more people to speak out about domestic inequality and for more men to step up and do their part.

Nearly two years after Lynalice left her husband, she and her five children are living together in a new home. Her recent videos show that she's having difficulty keeping it clean because she's been working 60-plus hours a week and suffers from ADHD. Being the single mother of five has to be tough, so she has developed a new motto: "Progress, not perfection." In November 2024, she shared a video of her and her family getting things together in their new home.

@5kids2catsandsomechaos
Can you spot how many times Winky sits in a box or plops for belly rubs? #cleaning #messyhouse #clean #timelapse #oddlysatisfying #grwm #carpetcleaning #cattok

This article originally appeared two years ago. It has been updated.

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Modern Families

Woman goes to great lengths to adopt baby from husband's ex-wife to save him from foster care

"At the time, it just made sense."

via Christie Werts/TikTok and Christie Werts/TikTok

Christie Werts and her son, Levi

Christie and Wesley Werts have taken the idea of a blended family to the next level. When the couple fell in love five years ago and married, they brought together her children, Megan and Vance, and his children, Austin and Dakota.

As of January, the Ohio family has five children after adopting young Levi, 2. Levi is the son of Wesley’s ex-wife, who passed away four days after the child was born. The ex-wife had the boy prematurely, at 33 weeks, and died soon after from drug addiction and complications of COVID-19.

When Levi was born, he was a ward of the state with no first name or birth certificate.

“When I heard about Levi, without hesitation, I said we should take him,” Christie said, according to The Daily Mail, and her reason went far beyond the fact that the child was the half-brother to two of her recently adopted children. “I myself was a foster kid and, although for the most part, I had a great experience, I did not want him going to foster care,” Christie said.

@cjthemom5
Replying to @Journey♥️ Yes, they will always know of her and ill be there for every emotion good or bad. But im also mom, ive been to every game, every doctors appt, sat with them if they needed an ear loved unconditional . I am mom also. #adoption #srorytime #siblings #foryou #loveislove

Before the family knew of Levi’s birth, Christie had a recurring dream about a blue-eyed, blonde-haired boy.

"Before Levi, we had wanted to try to have a child of our own," she told Newsweek. "I'm in my forties, so we knew that we would probably need fertility treatment, so I thought let's just think about it and what will be will be."

The problem was that Levi was in Texas, so the family sold their house and moved to the Lone Star State to go through the arduous adoption process. The situation was further complicated because Levi’s biological father had parental rights even though he had substance abuse problems. The family couldn’t move out of Texas until his rights were legally terminated.

But after a 16-month process, in January 2023, Levi became a legal family member. Christie understands that adopting her husband’s ex-wife’s baby may seem unusual to some people. "It's a lot to process for a lot of people, but honestly, it seems a lot crazier than it was. At the time, it just made sense," she said.

@cjthemom5
Our adoption is official !!! after 17 months!!! #adoption #son #loveyou #ourstory#foryou #fyp

Even though Christie knew in her heart that she must adopt Levi, she wasn’t without reservations. “'If I said I did not [have concerns beforehand], that would not be honest,” she told The Daily Mail. “This was different—I was going to walk into a child I never met and was worried the circumstances would hinder this instant love. But [...] he stole my heart. I also felt this intense need to protect him.”

These days, Levi fits right in with the family, and the rest of the kids are happy to be back to living an everyday life without any caseworkers or inspections.

“He's great, he is the king of the house! We are all very close. He won't understand the journey right now, but someday, I will let him know we fought for him!” Christie said.

This article originally appeared two years ago.

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Family

Man seeking divorce changes mind after losing high-paying job. Wife has a perfect response.

The tables have turned.

via Canva/Photos

A very angry woman.

A husband filed for divorce from his wife and burned bridges in the process by making incredibly disrespectful remarks to her. This came 10 months after she had their second child (the couple has six, in total). After losing his high-paying job, he turned course and asked her to take him back again. Should she take him back, given his lot in life, or hold firm and say good riddance to bad rubbish?

The situation came to a head when the husband demanded that his wife, who had a 10-month-old baby, stay in the house, instead of taking her child to a dentist appointment. She went anyway, and then the man slept in his game room for two months. He told everyone that he was divorcing his wife and went so far as to contact an attorney.

“He told me I was not the prize. I'm almost 40 and have four kids, three of whom are minors. He said he's the prize, he's in his prime, and makes good money, and any woman would love to be in my shoes and take care of his kids. He even went as far as inviting his baby mother into the house to visit while I was out,” the woman wrote on Reddit.

sad woman, upset woman, woman looking at phone, shocked woman, mad woman A sad woman looking at her phone.via Canva/Photos

Once the man had made his intentions clear, things changed quickly

“Fast forward, he loses his job and telling me to wait to move. He then starts talking nicer to me and acting differently than before,” she wrote. So what was the wife to do, take back the man who said that she was “not the prize” and that he was desirable because he had a high-paying job? Nope. She stood her ground and said he needed to leave. “I told him I was still moving out and going forward with separating because his actions did not align with someone who wanted to be with me,” she wrote.

The woman then asked the commenters if she was right to follow through with what her husband started. The commenters were overwhelmingly on her side. “He said he was done, so let's be done, even if now it's an inconvenience for him,” one of the top commenters wrote. “Sounds like YOU are the prize after all, because he's an unemployed AH who's soon to be unable to rent an apartment because he doesn't have a job. Hope his parents live close by and can take him in.”

confused man, upset man, divorced man, man wearing brown, man with questions, A dejected man.via Canva/Photos

The therapists weigh in

Upworthy spoke with Paige Harley, MA, a conflict expert with over 30 years of experience helping couples and families walk through breakups and divorce. She says the woman shouldn’t feel any guilt for her actions. “Absolutely never a reason to feel guilty about setting boundaries. However, make sure you are clear about what a boundary is and specifically what yours are,” Harley told Upworthy. “It’s hard and you will need to be the ‘bigger person’ but your future self will thank you—as you are setting the tone for what comes next.”

Dr. Nari Jeter, a licensed marriage and family therapist, relationship expert, and host of The Coupled Podcast, says there’s nothing wrong with separating, but that’s just the first step. "I would say that this woman is not in the wrong for sticking to the boundary of separation. It clearly reinforces to him that he cannot threaten the safety and stability of the relationship without a consequence,” Dr. Jeter told Upworthy. “The deeper issue is, can she separate herself from his view of reality and their marriage? Just because he says these things to her, it doesn't make them true. She may need to accept that he says these things to himself and others about her, but they aren't true--and that defending herself to him will likely get her nowhere.”

Unfortunately, the woman had to deal with a verbally abusive man who isn’t supportive of her or their combined six children. But what’s great to see is that after her husband tried to knock her down a peg and then leave her, she stood her ground and would not take him back. There’s no doubt that she also felt great support from the 1,300 people who commented on the page, with nearly all of them supporting her decision.

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Family

Woman can't understand why her last name is preventing her ex-husband from remarrying

He's gone. Why does it matter?

via Canva/Photos

A woman thinking about her problems.

Should two women be able to share the same man’s last name if one just divorced him and the other is looking to marry him? Well, at first glance, of course, especially if that man’s last name is common. If his last name is Smith or Jackson, and you marry him, you surely are not the only Mrs. Smith or Jackson on the planet. Even if his last name is uncommon, there is still very little chance that you are the only person with that last name, unless it’s Mxyzptlk.

A woman who divorced her husband three years ago is unsure what is going on after his girlfriend thinks that only she should have his last name. Is the first wife overreacting? She believes this behavior is a bit unusual.

“I was married to my ex-husband for 4 years. I didn't change my name when I first got married because neither of us cared much,” the woman wrote on Reddit. “I only changed it after our daughter was born because I wanted us to share a last name. We divorced in early 2022, and I kept the last name because my daughter still has it, and again, neither of us cared much.”

woman arguing, woman fighting, women in kitchen, conflict, two women, woman confused, A woman holds up her hands in exasperation.via Canva/Photos

The ex's girlfriend seems a bit jealous

Recently, the ex-husband's new girlfriend confronted her when she came to pick up her daughter and said that she needed to change her name because it was "the only thing standing in the way" of them getting married. The girlfriend added that it was “very weird” that she hadn’t changed her name back to her maiden name yet.

Evidently, the girlfriend thinks that she’s the only one who can be known as Mrs. X.

However, the woman doesn’t want to change her last name because it holds more significance for her than her previous marriage. “Aside from the connection to my child, I have a career, and I am involved professionally in the community, so my name carries some weight beyond my marriage and divorce. It doesn't seem fair to me to change it just to appease someone else,” she wrote. To add further insult, the couple said they’d pay for her to have her name changed while, at the same time, they owed her $20,000 in back child support.

woman on phone, upset woman, confused woman, woman white top, smartphone, brown hair A woman talking on the phone.via Canva/Photos

Is she overreacting?

The woman asked if she was overreacting to be upset about being pressured to change her name, and the commenters overwhelmingly supported her. "You are absolutely not overreacting. It's bizarre and odd that they would even bring this up to you, in my opinion. I kept my name after my divorce so that I would have the same name as my children. They have no right to make you feel any way about this, and I agree with you that their priorities are completely out of whack," one of the top commenters wrote. "Once you changed your name, it became YOUR name, not his. That’s really the end of the story if you want it to be! And if you want to have the same name as your child, that’s fair, but the reason doesn’t matter as it’s your name, not theirs."

Many of the commenters also noted that she should make an ultimatum, pay me the back child support, and I’ll change my name.

mother and daughter, happy mom, happy daughter, smiling little girl, bonding, parents A woman and her daughter.via Canva/Photos

Women have a lot of reasons for keeping their ex's last name

The story raises a very personal issue affecting many women. Should I go back to my maiden name after a divorce? A group of women shared why they kept their ex’s last name after a divorce, and the reasons were varied. Many kept their maiden name so they wouldn’t have a different last name from their children. While others said that professional reasons were the reason they kept their previous name, whether they were a writer and it was what they were published under, or a teacher who didn’t want to confuse her students. Other women kept their spouse's last name for a simple reason: they liked it better than their maiden name.

Ultimately, what it comes down to is that people’s names are very personal to them, and it’s not anyone else’s business what they call themselves. Even if their ex’s new beau thinks they should be the sole owners of their ex-husband’s surname. In this story, the woman wasn’t interested in changing her name, not because of a connection to her ex, but because of a much more important relationship, her child.

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Celebrity

Nicole Kidman fesses up to the unorthodox phone rule she has with husband Keith Urban

It sounds weird, but the couple has been married for 19 years — so they must be doing something right.

Galeria de burningkarma, CC BY 2.0

Keith Urban and Nicole Kidman share one secret that's helped sustain their 19 year marriage.

Long before Nicole Kidman began her long-term relationship with AMC theaters, she was committed to husband and country singer Keith Urban. The two have happily been together since 2006—which is a good run for any modern day marriage, but most certainly a Hollywood one. Celebrity marriages have been shown in some studies to be more likely than your average relationship to end in divorce. These marriages certainly feel volatile to us normie outsiders. When big-time celebrities split, it's often very public, all over entertainment news and TMZ, and often pinned (rightly or not) on steamy affairs with other celebrities.

So for Kidman and Urban to be going strong almost 20 years later, it indicates they're definitely doing something right inside their home. Perhaps their nearly decades-long success can be partially attributed to one surprising communication rule: no texting.

While appearing on the Something To Talk About podcast in 2023, Kidman shared that she was the one who initiated the unconventional agreement to (almost) never send text messages to each other.

nicole kidman keith urban, nicole kidman, keith urban, marriage, communication, marriage tips, divorce, celebrity marriage, love, family Keith Urban and Nicole Kidman look really happy together, but like any marriage, it takes work. Giphy

"We never text each other, can you believe that? We started out that way – I was like, 'If you want to get a hold of me, call me…"I wasn't really a texter.,” the Moulin Rouge actress shared.

She added that while Urban did attempt texting her a few items early on, he eventually switched when Kidman wasn’t very responsive. And now, 18 years later, they only call each other.

“We just do voice to voice or skin to skin, as we always say. We talk all the time and we FaceTime but we just don’t text because I feel like texting can be misrepresentative at times…I don’t want that between my lover and I,” she told Parade.

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There are, of course, some pros and cons to calling over texting. Research has shown that people who call feel more connected to one another vs. texting, with the voice being an integral component of bonding.

As our society becomes increasingly more distant and lonely, finding those moments might be more important than ever.

At the same time, calling can invoke a lot more anxiety compared to texting, which could lead someone to not communicating at all. Also, I don’t know about you, but the thought of having to call my partner for mundane things like “don’t forget the eggs” would drive me crazy.

Still, Kidman is right that texting can be extremely fraught for anyone in a close romantic, family, or friend relationship. Tone is hard to gauge and it's easy to misinterpret someone's intention when you read their messages. Jokes can come across as serious statements or passive aggressive jabs. It's also easier to be snarky and combative over text when you don't have to look the person in the eye and sit in the discomfort.

Finally, Kidman and Urban may just be in that generational sweet spot where they're not big on texting. The couple are closing in on their 60s, making them elder members of Generation X. People in that generation, while tech-savvy enough, sometimes aren't as fluent in the nuances of texting tone, punctuation, and emoji use, which puts them at even greater risk of being misinterpreted and running into conflicts.

Kudos to them for being self-aware enough to dodge that minefield altogether.

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Regardless of whether or not you adopt Kidman and Urban’s no-texting rule, perhaps the bigger takeaway is that relationship longevity depends on being able to establish your own rules.

One that feels good and that each partner is able to stick to. Especially when it comes to communication.

Some couples swear by the old "never go to bed angry," school of thought. Others have unique rules or schedules to keep the romantic side of their lives before. There's no universal right way to do it, but the couples who communicate and come up with their own guardrails are definitely on the right track.

As Urban himself told E! News at the CMT Music Awards, "I have no advice for anybody. You guys figure out whatever works for you…We're figuring it out. You figure it out. Everybody's different. There's no one size fits all."

Luckily, there are many ways to have good text hygiene, without having to do away with it completely. Very Well Mind suggests to avoid texting too many questions, and to be respectful of your partner's schedule (probably best to not text them while they’re sleeping just to say “hey,” for example). Nor should texting be used to argue or deal with conflict. Lastly, probably save the lengthy, in-depth conversations for a phone call. Fifteen heart emojis are totally fine though.

This article originally appeared last year. It has been updated.

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Modern Families

Divorce lawyer uses his own ex-wife as a perfect example of how to view love after marriage ends

A divorce attorney sheds his cynicism about marriage to give rock-solid advice.

Canva

A couple sits back to back seeming distressed.

Divorce can be one of life's hardest experiences. The cold, hard truth that not all relationships are fixable can feel excruciating when what one thought would be a forever love comes crashing down instead. But just because some marriages (or love stories) end in a split, it doesn't mean there aren't lessons to be learned. In fact, the pain could actually propel a person in a better direction, and into the arms of the "right match."

Divorce attorney James Sexton, Esq. (who deems himself "America's Divorce Lawyer" on Instagram) gives many inspiring (and, of course, practical) talks on the matter. In a clip making the rounds online, he gets extra vulnerable, sharing the idea that if you can strip away your ego and all the jealousy that might come with it, you'll get precious hindsight, wiped clean with perspective.

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Tami Wollensak's, who does client-based work in divorce law, shard a clip of Sexton getting personal, using the chyron, "The best relationship advice you'll hear," on Instagram In the clip, Sexton shares, "My ex-wife is married for over a decade now to a phenomenal guy. Who is perfect for her. And he's nothing like me, by the way. Like if you met him—if you met both of us—you'd go, 'Well, no one could love both of these guys.' Like if you like THIS flavor, you wouldn't like this flavor. Like I'm impatient, fast-talking, skip-to-the-end, we've gotta land this plane, c'mon."

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Sexton slows down his speech and softens his voice. "And he's a therapist. He's chill. He's patient. And they're perfect together."

What he says next is extra heartfelt and eye-opening: "And I can say that as someone who loves her and loved her. And knows her, and knew her. And I think if we can radically view, honestly, without jealousy—look at it and just go, 'Yeah. This is the love this person needed.' It doesn't mean my love sucks. Just means it wasn't the right one for this person. Ya know?"

Wollensak writes her own commentary on the page: "Letting Go with Love & Respect. Divorce doesn’t have to mean hate. It’s possible to let go of a marriage while still respecting—and even loving—the person you once chose. Loving your ex in a new way doesn’t mean you wish you were still together. It means you honor what you shared, appreciate what you learned, and release each other with kindness." She adds:

✅ You can respect them without agreeing with them.
✅ You can love them as a co-parent or as part of your past, even if you no longer love them as a partner.
✅ You can move forward with peace instead of resentment.

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These words seem to truly resonate in the comment section. One says quite profoundly, "I'm not going to find someone better than you. I'm going to find someone better for me."

A few ask for Sexton's number—some because they need divorce advice and others because they think he's cute.

Another writes, "This is such a refreshing perspective on love and letting go."

This person went in a little deeper: "If you truly loved someone, you would want the best for them, especially if it’s not you. It’s hard to find your 'perfect' match, and anyone who is jealous, angry, or wants you to suffer after you break up never truly loved you—they thought they were entitled to you."

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Democracy

Sophie Grégoire Trudeau shares the big understanding that can make democracies healthy again

In an Upworthy exclusive, Canada's "unofficial" first lady shares the root of political dysfunction.

via Pete Souza/Wikimedia Commons

Sophie Grégoire Trudeau at the White House.

Going through a divorce is one of the most psychologically stressful things someone can experience, right after the death of a spouse (and divorce is a sort of death of its own). But for mother of three Sophie Grégoire Trudeau, her split with Canada’s Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has been even more devastating because it happened on the world’s stage.

The 2023 breakup resulted in Grégoire Trudeau experiencing chronic stress, so she turned to the yoga mat and self-regulation to find strength through the painful transition. "I have never been more attuned and caring of my mental health than through this whole process," she told Yahoo Canada. "I have been pushed to dig into my authenticity and to put my attachment issues aside.”

Grégoire Trudeau documented her struggles and triumphs in a recent memoir, Closer Together: Knowing Ourselves, Loving Each Other, where she discusses living with an eating disorder, confronting difficult truths, and finding a deeper connection to herself. Ultimately, it’s a story about overcoming adversity to live a more authentic and fulfilling life.

Sophie Grégoire Trudeau and Justin Trudeau

$Sophie Gr\u00e9goire Trudeau, Justin Trudeau, Canada, Prime Minister, Hamburg$ Justin und Sophie Trudeau at the Global Citizen Festival in Hamburg. via Frank Schwichtenberg/Wikimedia Commons

On June 24, 2025, she shared her journey at Aspen Ideas: Health during a discussion called “Sophie Grégoire Trudeau: A Personal Wellness Journey.” After the talk, she sat down with Upworthy to share a fascinating connection she made between mental health and politics: healthy democracies require citizens who feel safe in their bodies.

How to create healthy democracies

“Feeling safe in our bodies is a primal need. We all want to feel safe in our bodies. So, if you look at Abraham Maslow's pyramid, safety and having food on your table, a roof over your head—if safety is not there, it's game over for everything else. So, physical safety and emotional safety allows for better human connection. Better human connection means healthier democracies,” she told Upworthy.

She adds that when we are in survival mode, we don’t have time for our deeper needs and lack the bandwidth to develop or practice tolerance and empathy towards others. “You will not be thriving, but you'll be in more of a survival state, and when you're in that mode, your body is doing what it needs to save you. So you don't have much more energy and acceptance or tolerance to give to anyone.”

$Sophie Gr\u00e9goire Trudeau, White House, Melania Trump, Washington DC, first lady$ Sophie Grégoire Trudeau and Melania Trump.The White House/Wikimedia Commons

When we lack the space for empathy, it becomes harder to understand others, which can throw us into an unending loop of negativity. This can lead to constant rumination about how others are making your life miserable. “It goes on and on and on and on, and it never stops, and then you go and consume something on TikTok or on social media that is about how it's others' fault all the time. 'Well, of course you're miserable, it's their fault,' so that reinforces your rumination process.”

Once people stop showing compassion and empathy for one another, the entire democratic process, from how we discuss issues and culture—whether at our kitchen tables or on social media—is affected. The good news, according to Grégoire Trudeau, is that just like negativity can spiral out of control, positivity can do the same. “A negative loop will reinforce a negative loop, but a positive loop will reinforce a positive loop," she told Upworthy. “So, from a psychological perspective, we can help the brain do that by watching what we consume to stop the negative rumination process.”

The connection Grégoire Trudeau makes between politics and safety is a valuable reminder to all of us who wish to engage in the democratic process while promoting healthy discourse. How we engage with the other side in a debate reveals a great deal more about us than it does about them. When we find ourselves engaging in negativity or refusing to listen to another person’s needs, it may be a clear sign that there’s a significant problem we need to address within ourselves.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

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divorce

"You deserve better": Mom leaves her husband after he refuses to clean up for 6 days straight

That's the sound of women everywhere applauding.

Woman goes to great lengths to adopt baby from husband's ex-wife to save him from foster care

"At the time, it just made sense."

Man seeking divorce changes mind after losing high-paying job. Wife has a perfect response.

The tables have turned.

Once the man had made his intentions clear, things changed quickly

The therapists weigh in

The ex's girlfriend seems a bit jealous

Is she overreacting?

Women have a lot of reasons for keeping their ex's last name

Nicole Kidman fesses up to the unorthodox phone rule she has with husband Keith Urban

It sounds weird, but the couple has been married for 19 years — so they must be doing something right.

Divorce lawyer uses his own ex-wife as a perfect example of how to view love after marriage ends

A divorce attorney sheds his cynicism about marriage to give rock-solid advice.

Sophie Grégoire Trudeau and Justin Trudeau

How to create healthy democracies

A hundred years ago, everyone wore hats. In 1960, they suddenly stopped. Here's why.

A millennial was annoyed that boomer parents hoard food. But there's a deeper reason for it.

If you see a person and two dogs in this photo, look again. It's an optical illusion.