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disability

A nasty note gets a strong response.

We've all seen it while cruising for spots in a busy parking lot: A person parks their whip in a disabled spot, then they walk out of their car and look totally fine. It's enough to make you want to vomit out of anger, especially because you've been driving around for what feels like a million years trying to find a parking spot.

You're obviously not going to confront them about it because that's all sorts of uncomfortable, so you think of a better, way less ballsy approach: leaving a passive aggressive note on their car's windshield.

Satisfied, you walk back to your car feeling proud of yourself for telling that liar off and even more satisfied as you walk the additional 100 steps to get to the store from your lame parking spot all the way at the back of the lot. But did you ever stop and wonder if you told off the wrong person?

respect, community, disabilities, visible disabilityEmma Doherty and her son Bobby.Image via Facebook

What if that person on the receiving end of the note had a perfectly good explanation for why they're driving car with a disabled sticker and tag?

That's exactly what happened to Emma Doherty, who was surprised to see someone pen such vitriolic words to her in this letter she found on her car.

The language in the note is pretty harsh:

"You lazy conning b-tch. You did not have a disabled person with you! These spaces are reserved for people who need them!!!"

I get that avoiding conflict is something that's been trained into us, but maybe if whoever wrote this note decided to say something to Emma, this entire thing could've been cleared up entirely.

Instead, she had to take to Facebook to pick apart the anonymous grouch and explain her situation to the rest of us. And hopefully whoever wrote the note (if they see her post) understands why they were terribly wrong.



In her post, she delineates the severity of Bobby's illness, which has put the young man through multiple surgeries and procedures that are no walks in the park.

"He's had 2 strokes and was paralyzed, brain damaged and has a spine and hip condition as well as a massive heart condition. The reason I didn't get his wheelchair out was because I was running late because my son, who had a MRI scan, CTSCAN and a dye for heart function yesterday, only got discharged late and was back in this morning so carried him in."

"But for your information not everyone who holds a blue badge needs to have a wheelchair! I've told ... security and broke down, I've sat through things nobody should see but why did your note break me? Because it's your pure ignorance towards others. I'm a single mom trying my best to hold it together for my son who's in and out if hospital. NOT ALL DISABILITIES ARE VISIBLE and I hope you regret doing this and learn your lesson!”

disability, public shaming, handicap, parenting, family, parenting advice Handicapped parking spacesImage via Canva

Throughout her post, Emma simultaneously castigates the person and drives one important point home: Just because someone isn't in a wheelchair or crutches, doesn't mean they aren't disabled or in need of physical care or assistance.

I knew something would be said one day as every day I get looks and stares and see people whispering to each other about me and Bobby walking from the car. Everyone needs to stop and think before acting. I hardly ever let anything upset me but this did. How aggressive as well, and as for conning my son's disabled pass... [It] is not a con, he's actually seriously ill. I've added a picture of him to prove not everyone looks ill or disabled but can be seriously ill.

The mother clarifies at the end of the message that she's sure it wouldn't be a hospital staff member who wrote the message, because those who work in healthcare are well aware of the various reasons someone would have a disabled tag on their vehicle.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

"I'd like to point out this has nothing to do with the hospital itself. They were lovely with me when I was upset and they treat us with every respect, always have [in our] 3 long years with them. They've saved my son's life many times. It [was] just somebody who was parked [there].”

Her post quickly went viral, with many people echoing her sentiments and thanking her for helping to clear up that tons of people suffer from different disabilities and that not all of them are so readily apparent.



Facebook


And as it turns out, Emma isn't the only parent who's dealt with judgmental individuals who gave them flack for having a disabled sticker on their car. As if having to deal with a sick child isn't enough, they also have to suffer through getting guff from randos on the street over a measly parking spot.




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Bobby's condition has left him without pulmonary artery function, which means that blood will not pump throughout his body. As you can imagine, walking long distances — or performing many physical tasks otherwise healthy individuals take for granted — are out of the question for the 3-year-old.

As a result of her son's condition, Emma has to take him to the hospital for treatments throughout the week, and seeing the note on her car while having to deal with that ultimately set her off. Thankfully, she used her anger to send a positive message.

Floored by the positive response to her message, Emma went back online to thank people for being so receptive and helping to spread awareness that disabilities come in many forms.

"My inbox is full of people who have told me they have been stared at or even spat at. This is a serious problem and I just want it to change. I am hoping by sharing what I went through people will start to think before acting."

This article first appeared five years ago.

@stronglikestella on Instagram

Stella was born with spinal muscular atrophy (SMA), causing her to need a wheelchair.

When she received her first Barbie, also in a wheelchair, her mother Samantha Lackey saw a spark in her self-esteem, according to Good Morning America.

So as Christmas time rolled in this year, Lackey decided to take a classic holiday tradition and give it a creative, more inclusive spin.

And thus, Bean, Stella’s Elf on the Shelf, became a wheelchair user as well.

With his purple chair and bright pink foot holders, Bean is practically Stella's twin. And having the best time.


Stella and Bean even share the same activities, like rock climbing

Stella regularly climbs the rock wall while at occupational therapy. And with a few craft supplies, Bean climbs too!

Or using a G-tube

Lackey shared on Instagram that Stella has since moved on from her gastronomy tube, but still had some leftover syringes.

Being an elf, Bean, of course, is supplemented with hot cocoa.

And winter time pool parties

So. Many. Floaties.

Just all around embracing the finer things in life

The caption “sELF care Sunday” is just too clever not to share.

Bean also helps Samantha speak up for the disabled community...

Lackey often posts her clever Bean pics alongside informational—and inspiring—captions, like this one:

“Did you know the disabled community makes up 25% of the worlds population. Making it the largest minority group in the world AND one that you can join at any point in your life. We’ve learned how important representation is to raising a daughter with a disability. We’ve also seen how immensely UNDER represented disability really is in our lives. REAL disability, not Drake in a wheelchair (😬) We, as allies need to do better for the generations we’re raising. Normalize disability. Have conversations. Grow relationships. Fight for equal rights and pay. Amplify voices. Focus on mental health.”

...making big topics elf-sized

Lackey shared with GMA that starting a conversation about disability can be overwhelming, especially for parents who never grew up needing to have them. So starting small, with toys and books that better normalize disability, makes the subject easier to approach, both for kids and parents.

It might be a “silly little tradition,” but after seeing the immensely positive impact it has had for Stella, Lackey calls the decision a “no-brainer.”

"We make it a lot harder on ourselves," Lackey told GMA. "If we start with small conversations, whether it be Elf on the Shelf or inclusive toys or a character in a book that they see, or on their favorite TV show, that's just going to help a future generation be inclusive and be kind and be good humans.”

Christmas, 2022?

As for whether or not Lackey plans for Bean to return next Christmas, she’s already let folks on Instagram know that, yes, he will definitely be making a comeback. Perhaps next time, “with pyrotechnics—who knows?”

You can follow Stella, Bean, Samantha, and all their holiday shenanigans on Instagram by following @stronglikestella.

Dick and Rick Hoyt were an unforgettable team.

The father and son duo ran their first race together in 1977, after Rick told his dad that he wanted to participate in a 5-mile charity run for a lacrosse player who'd been paralyzed in an accident. Rick has cerebral palsy and is a quadriplegic, so Dick agreed to push him in his wheelchair while he ran. They came in next-to-last, but the experience opened up a whole new world for them.

"Dad, when I'm running, it feels like my disability disappears," Rick told his dad after that race. From then on, Dick ran as many races with his son as he could.

Over the next four decades, Dick and Rick would participate in over 1,000 races together, including completing the Boston Marathon 32 times. They even completed duathlons and triathlons, with Dick using a bungee attached to a vest he wore to pull Rick in a boat while he swam, and using a two-seater bicycle during the cycling portions of the races.


What Dick helped Rick achieve was extraordinary, especially considering the fact that when he was born, doctors had told Dick and his wife Judy that Rick should be institutionalized since he had little chance of ever living a "normal" life. Instead, Dick and Judy embarked on a mission of inclusion for Rick in school, community, sports, and the workplace. They worked with engineers at Tufts University to get Rick an interactive computer in 1972 so he could communicate with taps of his head. Their tireless efforts eventually led to Rick graduating from Boston University with a degree in Special Education in 1993.

Throughout it all, Dick and Rick would run races together. In 1992, they biked and ran together across the entire U.S.—a full 3,735 miles in 45 days. After some health concerns, Dick was set to retire from marathon running after the Boston Marathon in 2013, but the bombing made it so they couldn't participate, so they ran it in 2014 instead. In 2015, he served as the Grand Marshall of the race.

Dick Hoyt, this loving father who embodied dedication, passed away peacefully in his sleep on Wednesday. He was 80 years old.

The Boston Athletic Association released a statement:

"The B.A.A. is tremendously saddened to learn of the passing of Boston Marathon icon Dick Hoyt. Dick personified what it meant to be a Boston Marathoner, showing determination, passion, and love every Patriots Day for more than three decades. He was not only a fan favorite who inspired thousands, but also a loyal friend and father who took pride in spending quality time with his son Rick while running from Hopkinton to Boston."

Dick's other sons, Russ and Rob Hoyt, broke the news to Rick about their father's death.

"He's sad, as we all are, but he's OK," Russ told the Associated Press. "You could see it in him, it was like someone hit him."

Rick was once asked what he would give his father if he could give him one thing, and Rick responded, "The thing I'd most like is for my dad to sit in the chair and I would push him for once."

But Russ Hoyt wants the world to know that Dick's dedication went beyond running with his disabled son.

"I know it's a cliche, but I want people to know that I thought my father was a hero, not just because he pushed Rick in the marathon, but because he was a great father to all of us you could talk to about anything," he said. "He inspired people to look at all their children as equals no matter their disability."

In addition to his service to his family, Dick Hoyt was a 37-year veteran of the Air National Guard, retiring as Lt. Colonel in 1995.

Rest in peace, Mr. Hoyt. Thank you for serving as a tireless example of dedication and determination for us all.


When Cassandra J. Perry was 13, a physical disability prevented her from going to school.

She had a genetic connective tissue disorder called Ehlers-Danlos syndrome, which means that her joints are unstable, her connective tissue is weak, she’s more prone to injuries, and she has chronic pain.

When she began living alone as an adult after splitting up with her spouse, she worried about how she’d be able to grocery shop.


Her physical disabilities — Ehlers-Danlos syndrome, osteoarthritis, and pudendal neuralgia — had become more severe over time, making physical activity harder for her.

“Grocery shopping and food prep have become impossible on my own,” says Perry. “I can't always get to a store, and when I can, I can't carry my own groceries due to limitations on how much weight I'm allowed to hold and carry.”

Cassandra J. Perry. Photo by Louis Shackleton, used with permission.

Perry had to rely on the generosity of friends to get enough to eat.

With Supplemental Security Income (SSI) being her only source of financial support, she crowdfunded six times to have enough money to buy groceries.

She had a Patreon account for eight months. Two of her friends regularly helped her cook meals, and others invited her over for meals.

“To survive, I kept a strict budget, which I would share publicly each time I needed to crowdfund,” Perry explains. “I had to get over my pride and my fear of asking for help.”

She supplemented the crowdfunding and SSI income with money she made selling her belongings, such as clothing and books.

Perry knew this method of survival wasn’t sustainable, so she joined the Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program in the spring of 2015.

Often known as "food stamps," this benefit gives her $192 each month, which covers half of her overall food costs.

“Without [it], I would only be able to meet my food needs by relying on the generosity of my social network, food pantries, and food kitchens," she says.

“Most days, I can't physically walk around a store, even if someone is doing the carrying for me,” she says. Her friends and family help by going to the store with her, and they do the shopping while she waits in the car. She then joins them in the checkout line to pay using her benefits.

Perry paying for groceries with her EBT card. Photo by Louis Shackleton, used with permission.

And thanks to local farmers markets,  that $192 a month extends even farther.

These local markets match up to an extra $30 for healthy items, allowing her to bring home more fresh produce.

Because she’s on food stamps, Perry also qualifies for community support agriculture, where subscribers receive a regular supply of produce and other farm goods, such as in-season fruits and vegetables, eggs, meat and milk.

Since unprocessed, fresh foods tend to be more costly, her benefits and the additional incentives to buy fruits and vegetables make a significant difference.

Perry says that food pantries and kitchens tend not to have the specific kinds of healthy foods her doctor recommends as part of her treatment. This makes the fact that her food stamps give her access to more fresh produce particularly invaluable. Perry can also use her benefits to buy prepackaged and prepared (cut, chopped, diced, or peeled) produce, which she can't get at food pantries and is easier for her since she has limited use of her hands.

Perry is grateful that she never has to make the choice between eating or paying rent.

Photo courtesy of Cassandra Perry.

“This provides me with a guarantee that I'll have food to eat because I won't have to choose between eating and paying bills,” she says. “Every last dollar I can muster is put to very good use.”

Because she is physically unable to work and lives on a limited budget, her benefits are a lifeline.

According to the 2015 National Health Interview Survey, 1 in 4 participants on food stamps have a disability that prevents them from working — just like Perry. That’s more than 11 million people. These benefits ensure they never have to make an impossible decision between going hungry or having a roof over their heads.

You can’t put a price on that kind of support.