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After she asked for a mental health day, a screenshot of her boss' response went viral

This is what leadership should look like. 💯

Image shared by Madalyn Parker

Madalyn shared with her colleagues about her own mental health.

Madalyn Parker wanted to take a couple days off work. She didn't have the flu, nor did she have plans to be on a beach somewhere, sipping mojitos under a palm tree. Parker, a web developer from Michigan, wanted a few days away from work to focus on her mental health.

Parker lives with depression. And, she says, staying on top of her mental health is absolutely crucial. "The bottom line is that mental health is health," she says over email. "My depression stops me from being productive at my job the same way a broken hand would slow me down since I wouldn't be able to type very well."

work emails, depression, office emails, community

Madalyn Parker was honest with her colleagues about her situation.

Photo courtesy Madalyn Parker.

She sent an email to her colleagues, telling them the honest reason why she was taking the time off.

"Hopefully," she wrote to them, "I'll be back next week refreshed and back to 100%."

Soon after the message was sent, the CEO of Parker's company wrote back:

"Hey Madalyn,

I just wanted to personally thank you for sending emails like this. Every time you do, I use it as a reminder of the importance of using sick days for mental health — I can't believe this is not standard practice at all organizations. You are an example to us all, and help cut through the stigma so we can all bring our whole selves to work."

Moved by her CEO's response, Parker posted the email exchange to Twitter.

The tweet, published on June 30, 2017, has since gone viral, amassing 45,000 likes and 16,000 retweets.

"It's nice to see some warm, fuzzy feelings pass around the internet for once," Parker says of the response to her tweet. "I've been absolutely blown away by the magnitude though. I didn't expect so much attention!"

Even more impressive than the tweet's reach, however, were the heartfelt responses it got.

"Thanks for giving me hope that I can find a job as I am," wrote one person, who opened up about living with panic attacks. "That is bloody incredible," chimed in another. "What a fantastic CEO you have."

Some users, however, questioned why there needs to be a difference between vacation time and sick days; after all, one asked, aren't vacations intended to improve our mental well-being?

That ignores an important distinction, Parker said — both in how we perceive sick days and vacation days and in how that time away from work is actually being spent.

"I took an entire month off to do partial hospitalization last summer and that was sick leave," she wrote back. "I still felt like I could use vacation time because I didn't use it and it's a separate concept."

Many users were astounded that a CEO would be that understanding of an employee's mental health needs.

They were even more surprised that the CEO thanked her for sharing her personal experience with caring for her mental health.

After all, there's still a great amount of stigma associated with mental illness in the workplace, which keeps many of us from speaking up to our colleagues when we need help or need a break to focus on ourselves. We fear being seen as "weak" or less committed to our work. We might even fear losing our job.

Ben Congleton, the CEO of Parker's company, Olark, even joined the conversation himself.

In a blog post on Medium, Congleton wrote about the need for more business leaders to prioritize paid sick leave, fight to curb the stigma surrounding mental illness in the workplace, and see their employees as people first.

"It's 2017. We are in a knowledge economy. Our jobs require us to execute at peak mental performance," Congleton wrote. "When an athlete is injured, they sit on the bench and recover. Let's get rid of the idea that somehow the brain is different."


This article originally appeared eight years ago.

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Gen Xers and boomers share how they dealt with anxiety and depression growing up

We've come a long way since the "suck it up" days.

Photo credit: Canva

Those who grew up in the 70s didn't have much mental health support.

One of the hallmarks of today's younger generations is that they have a greater awareness and acceptance of mental health issues than generations past. That's a good thing overall, with therapy and treatment for anxiety, depression and other mental illnesses being destigmatized. There are some pitfalls that have come along with the wave of awareness and knowledge, but even so, it's a far cry from the way mental health used to be handled.

Gen Xers and boomers are sharing how they handled anxiety and depression growing up and it's a testament to how far we've come in managing mental health. Those of us who grew up in those years remember how mental health wasn't talked about at all, and if it was, it was either to make fun of someone who was "crazy" or to side-eye people who needed therapy. The idea that seeing a psychologist isn't all that different than seeing a doctor for a physical ailment was unheard of.

It may be a bit depressing, but here's how those who grew up in the 70s—so Gen Xers and younger boomers—say they handled anxiety and depression when they were growing up. (And yes, there's a whole lot of Gen X sarcasm in these responses. We had to put all that angst somewhere.)

We 'sucked it up.'

There's no more classic phrase than "suck it up" to sum up the attitude toward anxiety and depression back in the day.

"We were told suck it up. You're fine. There was no such thing as depression or anxiety then."

"Suck it up. Get over it. You think you're special? Life isn't fair, get used to it. Edit to add a forgotten favorite: No one wants to hear your whining."

"'Suck it up' was the recommendation."

"This is what I came here to say - you just sucked it up a dealt with it."

via GIPHY

We just 'stopped being so sensitive,' etc.

So many sayings are familiar to folks who dealt with untreated mental health issues…

"I didn't have depression. I just need to stop being so sensitive. My mom repeatedly told me so."

"Don't forget 'you're a kid what do you have to be stressed about?!' Or 'wait til you're an adult then you'll know what REAL problems are.'"

"I didn't have depression OR anxiety. I was also just too sensitive, and timid, and dramatic, and overly emotional, nervous and lazy. I just needed to smile more so other people would think I was happy until I actually was happy!"

"'Making mountains out of molehills...'"

"I read too much and had an overactive imagination."

"I let the little things bother me. Silly child."

We didn't talk about it.

Surely if we just don't talk about it, then it isn't a problem, right?

"No one talked about mental health. Even if a teen died from suicide, they just kept quiet, like if we ignore it, the kids will be better off."

"This was true if someone also attempted suicide. That person was seen as being mentally weak. Most people who attempt suicide either had mental health issues or other issues in their lives which weren't being addressed. Sucking it up doesn't work in those situations.

If you attempted suicide when I was a teen, you were taken to a mental health facility and usually you didn't return to school. The few people in high school that I had heard about who attempted suicide (none of them were successful) never return to school after the incident. It was hushed up."

"Yeah, we had a couple suicides at my high school. The kids knew. Hell, in one case it was a twin whose brother still went to school. You didn't talk about it. Nobody talked about it."

via GIPHY

We pulled weeds.

Pulling weeds is not a cure for anxiety or depression, but compared to most of the other things on this list, it at least had a little bit of therapeutic merit.

"I just suffered. And according to my parents, I was just fine and needed to stop feeling sorry for myself and go pull weeds."

"Go pull weeds 🤣🤣, yes it was a thing."

"I didn’t realize 'pulling weeds' was a popular thing of the times! I thought it was just my Dad making us earn our keep. lol Pulling weeds was like an escape for me. Quiet, outdoors, I think it helped my depression!"

"It was a thing for us Gen Xers as kids growing up. Lol Complaining of boredom? No plans with friends? Feeling sad and lonely?... Go pull weeds and collect rocks from the garden."

"The soil actually has feel good chemicals in it. I definitely feel better gardening, stuff like that. But yeah, I still get depressed as shit still, I'll watch movies and stuff, kind of helps. You may get some wisdom from a line in a movie that stays with you. :)"

We self-medicated.

Sadly, there were a lot of substance use and addictive behaviors that came out of those generations as they dealt with their issues through "self-medication."

"Substance abuse. I was a straight A student, active in sports, pretty popular, and I was bombed or high almost every day. Pressure lead to anxiety which led to depression but I found shit didn’t hurt as bad if I added weed, booze, or pills to my daily diet. I also learned that if you had the grades nobody cared, parents, teachers, administrators.

It all came to a head in my 20’s, life pretty much fell apart after college. I sobered up in my early thirties and learned some coping skills along the way. Life turned out pretty damn good and I am pleased with the person I became."

"As a teen in the 70's, I self medicated. Looking back on it now, I had few tools to deal with the crushing depression and anxiety I had. The drugs (weed, amphetamines) and alcohol took the edge off. Some nights, I would lay in bed and cry myself to sleep."

"Alcohol, cigarettes, wouldn't eat food for days at a time. It seemed like an okay thing to do at the time. Looking back I wonder why someone didn't intervene."

"Good old fashioned eating disorder!"

Music. (Seriously, though.)

Perhaps there's a reason music was so good in that era…

"Music, first and foremost,still to this day."

"Ahhh, yes. The music was amazing at the time."

"Yes. Listening to music and just sitting in my room for hours a day learning how to play the guitar. Whenever I had my guitar in my hands I felt at peace and I would always feel much better after playing for awhile. It was like therapy, a way for me to get my emotions out without talking."

"Music was it for me too. No matter how bad my day was, I knew I could go into my bedroom at night, put an album on the record player, plug in my headphones and enter a world where no one could find me. It was bliss. Music is still my safe place all these decades later."

"Music was the ONLY thing that helped me through some very dark times. I felt utterly disconnected from my peers and only music made me feel like I belonged."

via GIPHY

Thank goodness we've got so many more tools in our toolbelt these days. Though we still have a lot to learn about mental health and how to treat mental illnesses and disorders, at least we know they're real and are openly talking about them. It's good to see how far we've come from the "suck it up, buttercup" days.

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Why people are longing for the old Scottish habit of 'hurkle-durkling' to finally get good rest

You might have already hurkle-durkled this week.

Representative Image from Canva

Wondering where she got that rested glow? She hurkle-durkled.

Hurkle-durkle might be the silliest word ever, but it could be the missing step in your self-care.

Hurkle-durkling simply means to linger in bed long past the time when you “should” already be up. It’s a Scottish term dating back to the 1800s—-originally having more to do with sitting in a crouching position either for warmth or secrecy, but eventually taking on a more relaxed and positive connotation.

It’s a word that only the biggest etymology enthusiast would know, had it not been plucked from obscurity thanks to TikTok.

The viral trend seems to have started with actress Kira Kosarin sharing it as her “word of the day,” joking that “I do be hurkling, and I do be durkling and once I’ve hurkled my last durkle in a given morning I will get up, but I’m a big fan of a hurkle-durkle.”

@kirakosarin

hurkle-durkle, u deserve it <3

♬ original sound - Kira Kosarin

Kosarin’s clip prompted others to share videos of themselves enjoying a good hurkle-durkling, blissfully wrapped in their sheets, basking in the sunlight, leisurely reading, etc.

One woman hailing from Scotland even joked, “[The Scottish] knew it was so critical to well-being they made a whole term about it. So no I’m not being lazy or wasting my life. I’m practicing an ancestral right of passage. I’m connecting with my culture and heritage.”

At this point you might be thinking, wait, isn’t this just bed-rotting?

Bed-rotting, another TikTok trend about lying in bed, and hurkle-durkling are similar, but have very different contexts. Bed-rotting has more to do with symptoms of burnout and fatigue, whereas hurkle-durkling is a bit more hygge, if you will. It’s seen as a pleasurable activity meant to promote rest for overall well being. Plus a hurkle-durkle has an end in sight, whereas bedrotting can take up an entire weekend, or longer.

And now matter how silly hurkle-durkle sounds, it could be seriously good for us. Research has shown that sleeping in, even a couple days a week, reduce the chances of a heart attack or stroke by 63%, especially for folks who get less than 6 hours of sleep through the rest of the week. (So, everyone, basically). Not only that, but getting those few extra minutes of shut-eye from hitting the snooze can help increase alertness and boost our mood.

Really, as with any self care practice, balance is key. Experts warn against staying in bed as an everyday practice or to avoid responsibilities an uncomfortable feelings, especially as too much inactivity can worsen feelings of depression. But when done mindfully and moderately, it can be the rejuvenation we long for, that so many of us don’t grant ourselves.

In fact, Kristin Wilson, a licensed professional counselor and chief experience officer, told Yahoo Life that perhaps so many people are leaning into silly, catchy terms like hurkle-durkle because they make rest and self-care, activities many Americans "are hesitant to celebrate and fully embrace,” more accessible.

"Sometimes our bodies just need a break, and we don’t want to feel guilty about taking time to rest," she explained. "Giving this behavior a clever social media name can make it feel more socially acceptable and when it trends and becomes popular, it normalizes the need for relaxation within the community of followers."

So with that, show yourself some love with a little hurkle-durkle. It’s fun to say, and oh so important to do.


This article originally appeared on 2.20.24

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Mental Health

A depressed person asked strangers for quick and easy meal ideas and they didn't disappoint

Great tips for navigating tough times.

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Everything can feel harder when you're depressed, from showering to feeding yourself so when one person took to Reddit to ask "fellow depressed people" for quick and easy meal ideas when struggling and hundreds of peopel jumped in to answer the call.

"I haven’t been able to cook anything in almost a year due to a depressive episode, even simple things like rice and sausage (I loathe beans). Yes, I am on medication and in therapy but nothing has been working for a while. So I’m looking for ideas of cheap foods I can eat to expand beyond my usual peanut butter/jam sandwiches, cereal, and protein bars," user Evening_second196 shares.

The person received a lot of suggestions that could work for anyone who is also struggling with depression, ADHD or grief. Several people commented about the versatility of potatoes, including instant mashed potatoes where all you need is a little hot water to make a meal.

There's more than one way to eat a potato

"Cheese, pepperoni and crackers. Before it was fancy charcuterie, it was my go-to depression meal. My other depression meal is a baked potato. I would just throw it in the microwave. Top with butter (and sour cream if I had it)," one person writes while other's chime in on their reliance on potatoes during a hard time. "Instant mashed potatoes can be made with just water, and if you're feeling froggy a bit of butter or margarine in the microwave. Instant gravy and water works in the microwave too."

"I buy bags of tiny gold potatoes and steam them, then saturate with butter and whatever else I have on hand. For steaming, you can microwave with plastic wrap, or you can steam on the stove on motivation days," another person shares.

Of course there were suggestions outside of different ways to eat potatoes, but there are so many ways a potato can make a quick warm low effort meal.

bunch of potatoes Photo by JESHOOTS.COM on Unsplash

Eggs are over easy

Ok, that was a bad pun but eggs really are easy to make into a meal according to commenters. One person shares their 60 second egg meal that takes so little effort that it might feel made up.

"Fill a glass measuring cup or any microwavable cup with 3/4 cup cold water. Put a raw egg in the water. Do not stir, just gently drop it in. Microwave for 60 seconds. Perfect poached egg! Great on toasted English muffins!"

a close up of a plate of food with eggs Photo by ABHISHEK HAJARE on Unsplash

"Microwaves are so underrated!"

Several people mention easily microwavable things, "I’m a big fan of the microwave. I like microwaveable, frozen vegetables (especially Birds Eye Fusions Spring Mix) and frozen, pre-cooked, diced chicken."

Another sends words of encouragement along with a recipe, "Microwaves are so underrated! OP, if you have some non-perishable ingredients and can stir them together, you can have a warm, fluffy pancake whenever you want, in no time at all.

1/4 cup flour, 2 Tbsp sugar, 1/2 tsp baking powder, pinch of salt; mix in a large mug or a bowl.

Add 1 Tbsp oil and 4 Tbsp milk or water. Stir. Lumps are fine. If you have vanilla extract or chocolate chips, go ahead and add them.

Microwave for 60-70 seconds, or possibly longer for a low-powered microwave. Top with syrup if you have it. Boom. Instant meal that could hardly be easier.

I'm rooting for you OP, you can do it. And it gets easier with practice."

homer simpson microwave GIFGiphy

There's no shortage of ideas for those lacking energy to cook

"I get frozen meatballs by Cooked Perfect. You microwave 3 of them for 1 minute, 6 for 2 minutes. Microwave a sweet potato for a few minutes. Sweet potatoes have more nutrients than white potatoes. Instead of the meatballs you can microwave some chicken tenders," someone writes.

"My current depression meal is one can of black beans, one can of corn, and salsa. If I have it on hand I will add a dollop of sour cream," another shares.

woman standing near window during daytime Photo by Stacey Koenitz on Unsplash

There's no shame in needing to eat foods that don't require the energy it takes to make an entire meal from scratch. The most important theme throughout all the comments is finding ways that work for you to continue providing your body with fuel until you're on the other end of depression, fatigue or whatever is causing the energy slump.


As one commenter says, we're all rooting for you!

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