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Man writes a beautiful letter to the stylist who served his wife with dementia

"To see her so happy was priceless."

Photo credit: Canva and Sara Verkuilen/Instagram

An act of kindness wasn't forgotten.

Sometimes a story comes along that reminds us of the profound beauty that can come from simple interactions, even though we may not realize it at at the time.

Sara Verkuilen was working at Hair Cuttery in Round Lake Beach, Illinois, when an older couple walked in for a haircut. "I don't think I had ever done their hair before," Verkuilen told Upworthy. "They were walk-ins."

The man and his wife were "just really cute together," she recalled. "He was so sweet with her and obviously very in love." Little did Verkuilen know how much of an impression her personal service and professional skills would have on both them that day.

The stylist shared a letter she received recently from the husband, signed only as "a grateful customer." The letter reads:

"Dear Sara,

This is a little bit awkward. But I've waited a really long time to pass this on to you.

My wife and I came in for haircuts shortly before Christmas of last year.

My wife was suffering from dementia, and you treated her as if you'd been working with dementia patients all your life. You let us sit next to each other, and when it came time for her cut you turned her chair towards me so I could watch her expression as you cut her hair.

Representative image Photo credit: Canva

It turned out even better than I thought it would.

Sadly, she died in March. And that haircut was one of the last, best moments of her life. She felt so pretty. She visited the mirror in her bathroom several times during the day and would come out beaming.

To see her so happy was priceless.

Looking back, it was likely dozens of haircuts you gave that day. But one which revitalized a woman's sense of self and her singular beauty. I hope you always realize the power of your profession.

It's so easy to take things like that for granted.

Sincerely,

A grateful customer"

Verkuilen said she wishes she could contact the man to thank him. She doesn't remember the couple's name and the letter didn't give any personal information, but it meant a great deal to her to receive it. She says she'd been feeling kind of stuck and bored in her career, which she had been in about eight years, and this letter gave her the boost she needed. She also hopes seeing the letter helps clients understand that stylists don't "just cut hair."

stylist, hair salon, kindness, beauty, dementia Stylists do more than just cut hair.Photo credit: Canva

"Receiving this letter was a huge reminder why I do what I do," she said. "It's an amazing feeling seeing someone look in the mirror after a transformation and smiling. Seeing how beautiful they feel, how confidence levels change. But it's an extremely difficult career. I get burnt out easily. I hope this letter can restore faith in other stylists that are maybe doubting if this career is right for them. We touch more than hair and I hope all the stylists out there realize how important they are and how what we do can have such an impact on our clients."

Caring for a loved one with dementia is never easy, and having a positive experience and interaction like this one, especially out in public, means a lot for a caregiver. But especially for this husband who wanted nothing more than to see his wife happy, it was particularly meaningful.

What a beautiful reminder to appreciate people who work in service jobs, the little things that make us happy, the "singular beauty" of our loved ones, and the time we have with them.

This article originally appeared five years ago.

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Cole Escola's touching insight about dementia has people moved to tears

"We were meeting in the middle of her memory."

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Cole Escola poses in front of a bright wall.

How many people can say they were a finalist for a Pulitzer Prize for a comedy they wrote? What if the comedy was a re-imagining Mary Todd Lincoln as a resentful manic-pixie dream girl with a drinking problem and dreams of becoming a cabaret star? Cole Escola can. (It's a very small, specific list.)

Cole (who uses they/them pronouns) is the writer and star of the Tony-nominated Broadway hit Oh Mary! and simply never stops pushing boundaries. But as hilarious as they are, they are equally as vulnerable and thoughtful when it comes to sensitive life issues. Always a writer, Cole sees the world through an extremely unique, one-of-a-kind lens and pushes people to think about comedy, tragedy, love, adversity, addiction, death, and everything in between in a way not often seen.

Just this past week, Cole gave a candid interview to Mo Rocca on CBS Sunday Morning. One topic they discussed is how, after a traumatic event with their father at around age five, they moved in with their grandmother. Cole explains, "She had the early stages of Alzheimer's, so she would repeat stories a lot. But I loved them. I loved her stories."

"I realize now that when she would tell these stories, we were meeting in the middle of her memory. She was living out the fantasy of her childhood, and I was also living out my fantasy of being a young girl on a farm in Alberta." When asked if they minded being told the same story, Cole answered, "No. I loved it."

The comment section, just from this clip alone, generated a lighthouse of support. One person writes, "Just when you think you can’t love Cole anymore, they drop something like this that gives you another level of respect for them." Like many, people acknowledge how inspired and moved Cole makes them, whether through laughter or tears. "You’ve made me laugh for years and now you’ve made me cry."

But it's from the standpoint of Cole's love and respect for their grandmother that seems to truly resonate. "So beautiful. Cole is a treasure, and it sounds like their grandmother was too." And as a grandmother themselves, this commenter shares, "Littles love to hear stories over and over. My grandbaby says 'Keep telling me the story, I want to hear it again and again!' So adorable. Glad you were able to find comfort with your gramma."

Using storytelling as a healing device for people with types of dementia and their loved ones and caregivers is popular among many doctors and therapists. It's not just reading and sharing stories with the patients, but letting them share their stories, too. A 2012 NPR: article notes that, "Storytelling is one of the most ancient forms of communication—it's how we learn about the world. It turns out that for people with dementia, storytelling can be therapeutic. It gives people who don't communicate well a chance to communicate. And you don't need any training to run a session."

stories, storytelling, elderly people, dementia, therapyTwo elderly people have a conversation. Photo by Cristina Gottardi on Unsplash

The piece also cites Anne Basting, the founder of a program called TimeSlips, whose aim is to help empower people to use stories to express themselves, no matter their memory ability. "Our bold vision is that creative expression, growth, and meaning is available to us all at every stage of life, wherever we live and whatever our abilities," they share.

Basting explains, "People with dementia start to forget their social role; they might not remember they're a spouse...a parent. They need a social role through which they can express who they are, and the role of storyteller really supplies that."

Cole Escola, even at a very young age, tapped into this empathetic wisdom. They continue to lovingly honor their grandmother by being an incredible storyteller in their own right.

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Humor

Comedian's hilarious raps get nursing home residents grooving any way they can

Pauline Schantzer (aka Polly Wolly) created "The Finger Dance" so those in wheelchairs can groove.

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Comedian Polly Wolly raps and dances with nursing home residents.

You're never too old to sing or dance. And Los Angeles-based comedianomedian Pauline Schantzer (@therealpollywolly) is making it her mission to keep residents in nursing homes doing both. The actress, writer and rapper (aka Polly Wolly) has been bringing her beats, songs and dance moves to nursing and assisted living homes, inspiring them to live it up and find joy.

"I started performing in nursing homes in November 2023," Polly tells Upworthy.

She got connected with her first nursing home via her friend, Rena Hirsch, who was the director of the nursing home that first booked Polly. "At first I didn't plan to pursue [work] in nursing homes. But I grew up going to see my grandma in the nursing home, and my mom Judy who is my comedic inspiration also lives in an assisted living home," she shares. "She has minor dementia, so it means a lot to me to give people laughter. My mom used to be full of laughs and jokes, and she's lost that. So it's been really tough on me to experience that. And humor is how I've dealt with it."

Understanding her audience, Polly recently created a song called "The Finger Dance" that allows everyone to get dancing, including those in wheel chairs. In the video, Polly raps and sings as she interacts with the residents. "In the wheelchair, let's groove! What's that button do? Oh ooh. It's electric, vroom vroom. Can't get up? That's fine! Put your fingers up real high, aye!" she raps and sings in the video.

She continues, "Move it from side to side. Yeah girl, looking real fly! Aye! Shake them fingers, don't be shy. You got arthritis? Come on just try!" Polly pans the camera to the small crowd, who have their fingers up and are grooving along with her.

The sweet video got tons of supportive comments from viewers. "Ur in those homes everyday! I love it! Respect what you do so much, laughter is the best medicine," one wrote. Another added, "👏👏 I love how you bring a moment of happiness and joy to our seniors !! ♥️" And another viewer shared, "You've got me over here doing the finger dance at my desk while at work. Lol."

Polly adds, "I wrote this song, 'The Finger Dance' because my mom always did this dance [with her fingers]. She was so cute, she was overweight and her cheeks would look all chubby and she'd point her fingers up in the air. It was inspired by her."

In another post, Polly performed another original song in another assisted living home, encouraging everyone to dance through their aches and pains with more funny lyrics. "You got aches, you got pains, da da da da da da. So groove with your cane, da da da da da da da." And viewers noted that her performance was "100x better than Coachella" and "Next stop…Coachella."

Another bop she created is called "Shake It Doll", and it's a banger that has consistently put smiles on faces when she performs it. During a recent show, she told the crowd, "Let's get wild up in here, you know? We only live once. Let's do it!" she said as the song started. "Shake it doll, shake it at the mall! Shake it doll in the bathroom stall!" The beat is irresistible, and in the video Polly dances alongside an enthusiastic woman.

"It makes me really happy to see the residents really enjoy it. A lot of times they will first refuse to dance and enjoy. But when I get a man or woman who doesn't [initially] want to dance to suddenly get up and move, it means so much to me," says Polly.

She has big plans for the future and reaching more residents in nursing and assisted living homes. "I would love to do a nursing home tour around the United States. I have a lot of big visions for it," she says. "It really warms my heart a lot seeing how many people around the world tell me how much I'm making their day and giving joy to them. It means so much to me to see people have laughter. That's what life's about."

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A 92-yr-old former ballet dancer with dementia wrote a poem that seems to defy her disease

Wow, this is powerful.

Photo credit: Canva

"I am still a dancer made of song."

Humans have been writing poetry for thousands of years, communicating feelings and ideas in beautiful, powerful ways that prose just can't quite reach. Poetry can be hard to define, but you know it when you see it—or rather, when you feel it.

Emily Dickinson once wrote, “If I feel physically as if the top of my head were taken off, I know that is poetry.” A poem hits you somewhere—your brain, your heart, your gut. And one poem that packs an incredibly moving punch has come from an unlikely source—an elderly woman with dementia.

elderly woman, dementia, caregiver, poetry, former dancerA woman with dementia wrote a poem with one of her children and it's bringing people to tears.Photo credit: Canva

Poet Joseph Fasano shared a message from a fan who shared that they had brought his book, "The Magic Words: Simple Poetry Prompts That Unlock the Creativity in Everyone," to their mother, a 92-year-old former ballet dancer living with dementia. The mother was excited to write a poem, and they slowly worked through a prompt from the book together aloud.

This poem was the result:

"Let the days be warm

Let the fall be long.

Let every child inside me find her shoes

and dance wildly, softly, toward the world.

I have a story I have never told

Once, when I was small,

I looked up at the sky and saw the wind

and knew I was a dancer made of song.

I am still a dancer made of song."

Wow. What a testament to the power of poetry to reach beyond our usual modes of communication, which dementia so cruelly disrupts. In a few simple lines, we're able to see this woman as she might see herself, as the human living under the veils of age and disease: "I am still a dancer made of song."

Poetry prompts can help people express themselves

The person who shared the poem thanked Fasano for "helping people find their voices," which is exactly what his book of poetry prompts was meant to do.

The Magic Words book by Joseph Fasano, poetry prompts"The Magic Words" is a book of poetry prompts from Joseph Fasano.Amazon


In the book's introduction, Fasano shares that he'd been invited to speak to a class of second graders in New Jersey in 2022 to share "the craft and magic of poetry." As part of his efforts, he came up with a poetry prompt that could "help guide their imaginations" and "unlock the images, thoughts and feelings inside them, without asking them to worry about how to structure a poem." He called the results "astonishing." When he shared one of the students' poems on social media, it and the prompt took off like wildfire, as people who never thought of themselves as poets felt empowered to share their imaginations within that framework.

From 7-year-olds to 92-year-olds, anyone can benefit from the self-expression that poetry facilitates, but many people feel hesitant or intimidated by the idea of writing a poem. Fasano writes, "Poetry is what happens when we let ourselves be," and this idea seems so clear than in the former dancer's poem above. Dementia can create roadblocks, but poetry provides a different avenue of communication.

Caregivers try many different ways to communicate with people living with dementia.Photo credit: Canva

The arts can be a powerful tool for people with dementia

Using poetry to help dementia patients communicate and express themselves isn't just wishful thinking. Studies have demonstrated that cultural arts interventions, including poetry specifically, can be beneficial for people with dementia. In fact, the Alzheimer's Poetry Project (APP) aims to use poetry as a means of improving the quality of life of people living with dementia by facilitating creative expression. "We do not set boundaries in our beliefs in what possible for people with memory impairment to create," the APP website states. "By saying to people with dementia, we value you and your creativity; we are saying we value all members of our community."

Fasano has shared that a team of doctors has begun using his poetry prompts to "give people with dementia a voice again."

Poet Gary Glazner, who founded APP, shared a story with WXPR radio about how he came up with the idea while studying poetry at Sonoma State University:

“I applied for a grant and got a grant to work at an adult care program. The moment I love to share with people is there was a guy in the group, head down, not participating and I said the Longfellow poem. ‘I shot an arrow into the air’ and his eyes popped open and he said, ‘It fell to earth I know not where.’ And suddenly he was with us and participating. It was just this powerful moment to see how poetry could be of use to elders but specifically with people with dementia."

Whether we read it, write it, speak it or hear it, poetry has the power to reach people of all ages in all kinds of mysterious ways.

You can follow Joseph Fasano on Twitter and Instagram, and find his books on Amazon.

This article originally appeared last year.


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