A brown tabby cat on sits on the stairs.
When it comes to our furry four-legged friends, sometimes we need a little help understanding them.
Such was the case for Jim Palmer (on Threads @palmer1961) who took to social media to ask a very earnest and rather heartbreaking question. “My neighbor died unexpectedly and this afternoon I brought his cat to live with me. I showed her where the food and litter box is and I brought her bed and belongings with her. She went behind the sofa and has been there for several hours. I’m getting concerned and I don’t know what to do. Can anyone give me some advice please.”
In less than 24 hours, this question received over 4,000 responses (and over 16,000 likes). Many feline-loving people were ready to help, offering priceless advice, both practical and philosophical.
An orange and white cat sits on a table. Photo by Amber Kipp on Unsplash
This Threader immediately gives a plan of action. “You might try moving a litter box closer to where the cat is hiding temporarily, until they feel more comfortable in the house. And maybe their bed. It’s best if you let them have their way and don’t try to force, but still make them comfy. Thank you for taking the cat. This will get better.”
Some discuss the “cat rule of threes.” One advises, “3 days hiding. 3 weeks exploring. 3 months gaining trust. Sit as close as you can, offering treats while quietly talking. She’ll come around. Be patient.” (This comment alone got 17,000 likes.) Another backs it up with, “The rule of 3s is real when taking in a cat, especially someone else’s indoor pet. 3 days to eat. 3 weeks of hiding and 3 months to get close to anyone for affection.”
The “333 Rule of Adopting” as it pertains to new cats is discussed frequently in literature guiding people how to care for them. On the Dane County Humane Society’s webpage, they explain, “You can expect that it will take your cat some time to get used to the new routines and environment. The ‘Rule of Three’ means that you can gauge the time it might take for your cat to fully acclimate to his home in threes: three days, three weeks, three months.”
Others on Threads gently attempt to explain the mind of a cat as best they can, reminding Palmer that the cat, too, is feeling a loss. “Give her time and space. She’s grieving.” Another shares, “Grab one of his shirts so she can smell him. She’s grieving and needs comfort.”
And another explains the cat most likely doesn't yet understand what is happening. “She may be there for a few days. Remember, she doesn’t know what happened. If she didn’t see/smell her previous owner when she was deceased, she doesn’t know he died, she thinks she was abandoned. And then she was moved to a new space. It’s a lot. She just needs time to adjust to her new reality.”
This person shares a sweet nugget of wisdom. “Just love her. Be calm and just be yourself. Go about your business and let her hear your voice. It takes time, differently with every cat. She will love you back, I’m sure of it. You’ve got this, @palmer1961.”
A kitten being adorable. Giphy Cats Aww GIF by Yêu Lu
On Kinship.com, cat behavior is discussed and the theme of independence is reiterated. But that doesn’t mean a cat can’t fall in love with its owner at any time. Charles Manning and Savanna Admire co-author a piece about imprinting which explains, “Cats tend to be independent creatures who prefer to live life by their own rules. However, they’re still capable of forming strong connections with their human caretakers. If you’re wondering how to get a shy cat to like you, the best thing you can do is let the cat take the lead. Pay attention to their body language and use slow movements and a gentle voice. Let the cat have the space they need and allow them to come to you when they’re ready.”
Many on Palmer’s Threads query share similar experiences and even photos. “Just let her come to you. She is assessing you. My cat lived in our basement over a week. I started by just bringing food, water, and treat. Eventually I just sat on the floor with treats and chatted. He finally started coming up to me. I started leaving his food upstairs and the door to the basement open. This got him upstairs. Then one night he hopped in my lap. It takes time.”
And quite a few simply tell Palmer what a wonderful deed he has done. “I also want to say that you’re a wonderful person for taking her in.”