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Mom recalls the uncomfortable moment an older man complimented her 6-year-old's appearance

When she didn't say "thank you," he accused her of having bad manners.

@yourejustliz/TikTok

“Nice is different than kind."

It might have been pretty universally accepted during our childhood for daughters to be expected to reciprocate affection from adults, whether they liked it or not. A non consensual kiss to grandparents here, a forced “thank you” there. But times have changed.

However, this change in parenting style can sometimes make for some, well, awkward or even downright uncomfortable situations as moms and dads try to advocate for this kid’s autonomy.

Recently, a mom named Liz Kindred detailed just such an incident with her six year old daughter, which has a whole lotta other parents discussing how to navigate these unideal interactions.

As she recalls in a video posted to TikTok, Kindred was waiting in line with her daughter when a grown man turned around and said “My goodness, you sure are pretty” to the child.

“My six-year-old is gorgeous, yes, but she is also very in tune and perceptive, and she's an introvert so she grabbed my leg really tight,” Kindred said.

Doubling down, the man repeated himself, saying “You sure are pretty. Look at those blue eyes,” which only made her shy daughter grab her leg harder.

Noting that being in a 12 step program has taught her to be less “knee jerk reactionary,” the mom bit her tongue and offered a polite smile to the man, hoping that would be the end of it. It wasn’t.


@yourejustliz I need to get my brows done
♬ Succession (Theme Song) - The Theme System


“He's a boomer and, God love him, he said, ‘I guess your mom didn't teach you manners.’ And I let out an uncomfortable little [chuckle], and the pause was long. It was long. And under his breath he said, ‘Guess not,’” she said.

In what she called the most ”Jesus loving way” she could muster, while still bluntly making her point, Kindred told the man "If you assume that I didn't teach my six-year-old daughter to say ‘thank you’ to a grown, consenting man when he compliments her appearance, then you would be correct."

What followed was the “longest silence” of Kindred’s life.

The video, which has been viewed over 6 million times now, prompted a ton of parents to share how their own kids have established boundaries in similar situations—with their support, of course.

“An old man called my 4 yr old daughter a sweetheart at the store…she boldly responded ‘I am NOT YOUR sweetheart!’ I was so proud,” on person recalled.

Another added, “My 3 year old says ‘NO THANK YOU MY BODY DOESN’T LIKE TAHT.’”

Still another said “My 2 yo knows the boundaries song and just starts singing that anytime someone talks to her.”

While the response to Kindred’s video was overwhelmingly positive, there were a few comments defending the man as simply being “kind.” This prompted Kindred to do a follow-up video doubling down on her decision.

In the clip, she shared how she herself has dealt with seemingly innocent compliments in her life from men, which later turned into something else. Feeling like she “didn’t have a voice” to say something, “because I’m a nice Christian, Southern girl,” Kindred ended up being in unsavory situations (she didn't explicitly say what those situations were, but it's easy enough to piece together). She doesn’t want her daughter to have the same issues.


@yourejustliz #stitch with @Liz Kindred ♬ Succession (Theme Song) - The Theme System

“Nice is different than kind. The kind thing to do is to teach our daughters and our children in this next generation that when you are uncomfortable with something you listen to your body and you set a firm boundary with that and you provide language around that. And you start that really really young.”

Yep. Well said.


This article originally appeared last year.

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50-something-year-old dad impresses the masses with an adorable dad-daughter dance battle

The video was shared more than 280,000 times in two days.

Chris Starkey/Facebook

The Starkeys' epic dance battel.

Chris Starkey posted a video to Facebook on Monday of himself and his daughter Brooklyn doing a dance-off to Flo Rida's "Low"—and it's unexpectedly awesome. Starkey wrote, "My daughter challenged me to a dance off and said I don't have it anymore. See that closet in the back she is still crying in it!!!" So much silly shade thrown around in this family, it's delightful.

When you see their fun banter and Starkey's middle-aged-man moves, you'll see why the video has been shared more than 280,000 times in two days. Starkey wrote in a comment that the reaction has brought tears to his eyes and encourages everyone to "Give back to your community" right now. He also says another video will be coming on Monday.

Excellent. We need this kind of levity right now more than ever.

Chris Starkey

This article originally appeared on 03.25.20

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Girl dad breaks down why protecting daughters by intimidating their boyfriends needs to end

He perfectly explains why it's more important for dads to create a sense of "safety."

@professorneil/TikTok

Fear does not mean respect.

It’s understandable that fathers want to protect their daughters. But many parents today are calling out the age-old patriarchal approach of instilling fear and intimidation to do so. Even girl dads themselves.

Recently, English Professor (and father of a teen girl) Neil Shyminsky, broke down exactly what is so problematic about this trope in a stitched TikTok.

In the original clip, a father talks about meeting his 13-year-old daughter’s first boyfriend.

“I knew this was coming, but I don’t know if I’m ready for it,” the dad says, adding that he did find the boy very respectful. Both of which Shyminsky could get behind…except maybe the “insistence” that the boy address him with his last name.

But things really take a turn when the man says, “as a girl dad, it’s definitely hard knowing that the little baby you once held in your arms all of a sudden has got a boyfriend that’s starting to take your place.”

“What now? I’m truly trying to figure out how he could ‘replace’ you…but all the answers I could come up with are deeply uncomfortable,” Shyminsky says. And we’ll just leave it at that.

The dad goes onto share the “good news” that his daughter told him her boyfriend (i.e. a child) said he was “absolutely terrified” of him because of his physical build. And then the whole thing devolves into a weird message touting the importance of lifting weights, so that you won't need guns to intimidate young boys, and instead do it with hard-earned muscle.

This is where Shyminsky drops a few truth bombs.


@professorneil When they say ‘protect’, they mean ‘terrify’. #toxicmasculinity #masculinity #girldad #parenting ♬ original sound - Professor Neil


“You want a 13-year-old to be terrified of you? ... He is 13. And so any adult man would probably seem huge,” he begins, adding that while he too is generally larger than the people around him, he prefers to measure success in terms of who feels safe in his presence, versus “how many small children I terrify.”

Shyminsky goes on to say that while he wants the dating world to be as safe as possible for his daughter, prioritizing physical intimidation is the wrong way to accomplish that.

For one thing, if this young boy only respects this man’s daughter out of fear of being hurt by her father, then he “is not anyone that we want getting anywhere near our daughters” in the first place, Shyminsky points out.

And on that note, Shyminsky asks “If he’s supposed to respect and listen to you because your muscles are larger than his, how is your daughter supposed to treat him when his are in all likelihood larger than hers?”

Said that bluntly, it’s easy to see how this strategy, however well intentioned, is a form of “toxic masculinity” that, as Shyminsky put it, causes suffering to those on “the wrong end” of it. Even those who are meant to be protected by it.

Down in the comments, folks were entirely on board with Shyminsky’s hot take.

‘Fear is not respect,” one person wrote.

Another quipped, “I feel like people get their parenting techniques from 90s sitcoms.”

Parents want to protect their kids from all the many dangers of the world. But at the same time, it’s so important for kids to see firsthand how the important adults in their life lead with something other than fear, if we hope for them to do the same. This is a great example of how a mindset shift can help with that.

Shyminsky actually has an entire TikTok treasure trove of videos dissecting our ever evolving views on manhood. Including a great one breaking down how masculinity as it "should be" has been in question since 400 BCE.


@professorneil Men are never as masculine as they once were - and never have been #men #manhood #masculinity #toxicmasculinity #fragilemasculinity #greenscreenvideo #greenscreen ♬ original sound - Professor Neil

Or this one delving into misandry vs misogyny:


@professorneil #stitch with @jaystakes It’s not misandry, it’s misogyny #misogyny #misandry #sexism #feminism #feminismisforeveryone ♬ original sound - Professor Neil

You can find these, and more, on his TikTok.

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Dads being protective of their daughters isn't always a bad thing. Here's why.

Threats and violence are never OK, but I reserve my right to be skeptical and, well, even kind of a jerk.

Photo by Caroline Hernandez on Unsplash

There's this one little boy in my daughter's day care class. I like to joke that I don't trust him.

He's every dad's worst nightmare. Tall (you know, for an infant), dark, and handsome. He's the oldest boy in class, and he can walk already. That makes him hot shit, and he knows it.

One day an email popped up in my inbox — all the parents get photos of their kids throughout the day: a blurry crawling pic here, a funny naptime shot there — but this one showed my daughter and this little Lothario holding hands. Holding hands!

The jokes were almost too easy. "Time for me and him to have a little talk," and "He better keep those hands to himself!"

As a progressive dad, I'm on board with the whole "Newsflash, it's 2016! Women are making their own decisions about their own bodies. And polishing your shotgun on the front porch when her prom date pulls up is, um, problematic" thing.

That's why it's so easy to make those kinds of jokes. In fact, the "overprotective dad" has been subject to a lot of ridicule lately.

But there I was looking at that photo, and for the first time, I felt "it" — a little twinge of terror. That desire to shelter and protect my daughter and not let anyone with remotely suspect intentions near her ever, ever, ever.

Which left me wondering: Does being a progressive dad mean I'm not allowed to be protective of my daughter anymore?

That I have to somehow pretend she won't face unique dangers and challenges that boys her age probably never will? That I have to treat her exactly the same way I would if she were my son, instead?

I don't think it does.

First, let me just say: When it comes to rape culture, our main goal should be, you know, fixing it. Not sheltering women.

We need to teach men to understand and respect consent. We need to stop objectifying and reducing women to their sexuality. And as men, we need to set a better example for the next generation.

I'm going to do my damnedest to work toward those goals.

But I'm also reserving the right to play the role of protective dad. Here's why:

1. It's not always about ownership.

I get where this concern comes from, I really do. In a world of purity balls and "virginity certificates," the dad-daughter relationship has definitely crossed the line from protective to creepy way too many times in our culture.

But personally, I can't relate to that notion at all right now. I'm still wiping poop off of my daughter's butt multiple times a day. Ownership over her sexuality isn't exactly at the top of my mind.

Wanting to protect doesn't have to be about control. It doesn't have to be about sex. For me, it's just about trying to make sure my daughter is safe, healthy, and happy.

And it turns out, there are plenty of good reasons for us to be as protective as we are.

2. Because the world is more dangerous for women than it is for men. That's a fact.

This is just the sad, awful truth.

About 1 in 5 women, per the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, will experience rape or attempted rape in their lifetime, and 1 in 20 will face other kinds of sexual violence.

According to RAINN, almost half of those women will be under 18 when it happens.

And finally, 4 out of 5 assaults are committed by someone the victim knows.

When I see stats like these, I realize there's a pretty good chance that someone in my daughter's life will try to hurt her one day, probably while she's still living in our home. I'll probably have met this person. I'll probably have shook their hand.

That thought absolutely terrifies me.

Artist Mike Dawson has a simple approach when it comes to this stuff: "I don't make the rules. You don't make the rules. She makes the rules. Her body, her rules."

I love the sound of that. But a lot of men and boys out there aren't playing by the rules. And they're getting away with it.

That makes me mad. It makes me afraid. I feel like I have to do something about it.

The biggest part of that is raising her to be strong, to make good decisions, to be a good judge of character, and most importantly, to know that it's not her fault if someone crosses the line.

But it might also mean giving a firm handshake and a sideways glance to her dates. It might mean carrying a gruff standoffishness or a thick veil of skepticism.

OK, so I'm not going to be "polishing my shotgun" when her prom date shows up. But being kind of a jerk until that person earns my trust? Totally possible.

3. It's coming from a place of love.

Ultimately, what I'm saying is that us dads — all parents, really — are just out here doing our best.

Raising kids is hard. Good lord, is it ever hard. My wife and I are not sleeping well. We're usually covered in spit up, poop, pee, or all three. And we haven't even entered the wonderful world of bullies, behavior issues, puberty, and whatever else lies ahead.

Right now, it's really hard to think about the long term. Right now, we just want to do what we can to keep her safe.

Sometimes we'll probably do too much. Other times we might not do enough. But we've got to try.

I know there's a right and wrong way to be protective.

Not trusting or allowing our daughter to make her own decisions would be wrong. But not letting her walk home by herself at night, while it might feel unfair, might just be the kind of exception that makes a difference.

Threatening another person, even a smarmy teenage boy, with bodily harm, is never OK. But showing them that I'm involved in my daughter's life, actively concerned about her well-being, and making it clear that I'm not going to put up with her being mistreated? Absolutely.

I'm not saying I know exactly where that line is, but I'm going to try to figure it out.

In the meantime, I guess I can handle occasionally being hated by my daughter when she thinks I'm being an overbearing pain in the ass. But if anything ever happened to her because I trusted the world around her too much?

I'd never forgive myself.

Oh, and as for that boy in day care?

We're going to have to have a few words. You know, as soon as he learns to talk.


This article was written by Evan Handler and originally appeared on 01.05.16

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