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Millennial dad of 3 shuts down boomer parents for their 'ridiculous' holiday expectations

"Why is it that every time I have to make the effort for you, yet you can't do the most basic thing for me?”

A Millennial dad has had it with his boomer dad's expectations.

A TikTok video posted by @carrerasfam is going viral, with over 300,000 views, because so many millennial parents can relate. In the video, a husband politely but firmly tells his “practically retired” baby boomer dad that he’s not taking his 3 young kids on a 400-mile drive to their house for the holidays.

Carerras Fam is a popular TikTok page about “all things postpartum and mamahood.” The husband opens the conversation with his dad by explaining all the inconveniences of taking 3 young kids on a long road trip. “I know you want us to drive down for the holidays, but it's kinda ridiculous that you want me to pack my 3 kids with their portable beds with my clothes, their clothes, the formula, everything that goes on with raising 3 kids and having them feel comfortable. Drive down for over four hours just so that we could spend some time in your house?” the husband says.

@carrerasfam

Sorry it’s just so much work. But you’re welcome to visit us #millennial #millennials #parents #parenting #parentsontiktok #boomers #millennials

It’s obviously inconvenient for the couple to pack up their kids and drive 4 hours, but it’s also unsafe because the house is not baby-proof. "I'm gonna have to run around, make sure that they don't break any of your stuff, and which you will take care of them,” the husband continues using sarcastic air quotes.

The dad brings up another great point: His parents are in good health, so why don’t they drive to their house? “You could visit. You don't have little kids,” the dad continues. “You don't have anything going on.

"Why is it that every time I have to make the effort for you, yet you can't do the most basic thing for me?”

It’s clear from the phone call the dad understands that traveling with the kids and staying in a house that isn’t correctly set up for young kids will make the holiday a struggle. Instead of making memories, they’ll most likely be running around bent over trying to save their kids from breaking something or hanging out at Target buying electrical socket plugs and a bottle brush because they left theirs at home.



The video struck a chord with many millennial parents.

“First holiday with a kid… parents are confused why I won’t drive 9 hours with a 3mnth old for Christmas,” too_many_catz writes. “The ‘not baby proofed’ part hit my soullllllll. It’s so stressful having to chase your kids around and ask to close doors, move pictures, block stairs, etc. And nobody takes you seriously!" OhHeyItsIndy added.

It’s also expensive for young families to travel. “Add to it they want us to spend money on gas, airfare, etc. when we live paycheck to paycheck and rent while they own homes and live comfortably off a pension,” another user wrote.

This one hit hard: “They always act like you're asking the world of them, yet they will willingly go on any other vacation that they choose,” Mackenzie Byrne wrote.

TX Travel Chick may have hit the nail on the head with her explanation for why boomer parents expect their children to road trip it to their house for the holidays. “Because we are used to following their orders!!! REVOLT,” she wrote.

Ultimately, it would be interesting to learn why boomer parents want to inconvenience their kids when it would be much easier for them to take a trip to see them, especially if they can afford a hotel. One wonders if they are being entitled or if they’ve forgotten how hard it is to travel with young kids.

This article originally appeared last year.

Derek Owens & Natalie Kinnear/Unsplash

Any dad who has young kids knows you can't take them anywhere without being complimented by strangers. It could be the park, the grocery store, or a foreign country. Anywhere you go, you're bound to hear it: "What a great dad, look at you! These kids are so lucky."

Don't get me wrong, the compliments feel amazing! It's only later that you stop and think how weird it is to get praised for doing the absolute bare minimum. Just being physically present and near your children is enough to be called a great dad, apparently. Dads are taking to social media to talk about this strange phenomenon. In a viral social media thread, guys are sharing simple, mundane moments with their kids when strangers pulled them aside to tell them how amazing they were doing.

1. Playing dress up

Wearing a funny hat, a wig, or letting your daughters paint your nails is about one of the easiest, silliest things you could possibly do. Yet it's often found worthy of praise!

"Yesterday we had my daughter's birthday at an indoor playground. She got a very nice tiara from her grandma that she wore to the party and looked like a princess. We went into the play area and she took it off and handed it to me so she wouldn't break it. I just put it on my head because, where else does a tiara go. Completely forgot about it. 15 minutes later some mom and grandma come sit next to us and instantly look at me. The grandma asks what bet I lost to have to wear it in public. I laughed and said being a dad. The mom then praised me for being a good dad, her husband wouldn't never do that, especially in public. They were so impressed that I wasn't ashamed or something," one Redditor wrote.

2. Changing a diaper

baby with diaper inside crib Photo by Paul Hanaoka on Unsplash

Changing a baby's diapers is like parenting 101. It's a fundamental task of the first couple of years. Yet it's sadly way too common (especially in generations past) for dads to opt out completely.

"I have a 7 week old as of Friday and my in laws were impressed that I feed and change her. I was like seriously. Feels like a basic thing," another dad wrote.

3. Feeding

Ditto on feeding. Are you really a "great dad" for giving your baby a bottle? Or are you just doing the basics?

"When my daughter was about six months old we flew to CA for my grandma’s 95th birthday. At some point I was sitting feeding her a bottle and my dad asked my Grandma what she thought seeing me feeding my daughter. She said it was nice because she’s never seen a dad do that before," a dad said in the thread.

4. Literally just talking to children

A man having any positive interaction at all with young children? *applause*

"Sometimes people will tell me that they think I'll be such a good dad, simply because at family functions, I will sit there and talk to the kids and listen to their goofy kid stories and play with them. I only do it because people did it for me when I was young and I feel like it helped make me more personable and confident in talking to people. ... I don't feel like it's anything special, but apparently that's the mark of a good dad," another guy added.

5. Grocery shopping with the kids

Not only is it apparently unheard of for a dad to take the kids out in public alone, but to buy groceries for the family? Incredible!

"I take my kids to the grocery store all the time. Every time I do some old boomer lady wants to throw me a parade cause her husband / father / grandfather would never do those things," one dad noticed.

6. Cooking

man cutting vegetables Photo by Jason Briscoe on Unsplash

If you're a dad and you can make anything other than Kraft mac n' cheese, you may be eligible for a major international award.

A mom chimed in on this one to say, "Mom here. But this is what my husband does every week with our daughter. He does most the cooking. Because he is much better at it. He also is far better at sticking to the grocery list than me. ... But this one definitely gets the two of them plenty of comments about how wonderful he is to take care of his child."

7. Doing laundry and cleaning

Didn't you know that laundry and cleaning are 'woman's work'? If any dad lifts a finger in this area, he's automatically a hero.

"My wife was out of town three days and nights this past weekend, and my mother came over to see the kids. She heard the washing machine and asked what that noise was; I said I was doing laundry. She said, 'You're doing laundry and everything else for them?' Like, yeah. [What] do you mean? Kids will wear soiled underwear and not eat dinner?" one dad wrote.

8. Playing with kids at the park

Going to the park is the easiest, laziest way to get the kids out of the house and off your case for a while.

"Even just taking them to the park, I get a lot of 'oh my husband would never take them to the park he couldn't handle it.' You just gotta show up and be present," a father noted.

9. Going on vacation with the kids alone

To be fair, this one is a lot of work and is definitely a sign of a capable dad! But moms do this kind of thing all the time and rarely get a word of praise for it.

"I’m a full time single dad. I took my daughter to Florida last summer. At a water park, my little girl made friends with a couple other kids. The other kids mom asked me where my daughter’s mom was, I told her we were divorced. She was shocked that I had taken my daughter on vacation all by myself with no help from mom. The vibe she gave off about it kind of pissed me off," another dad said.

10. Showing up to practice

Taking kids to swim or soccer practice, while hectic on the schedule, is pretty easy! Usually you just have to sit there and read a book or catch up on work for an hour.

"I get so much credit from mums around me because I'm at all the dance classes and performances," one dad begrudgingly noticed.

11. Doing bedtime

When people tell me I'm an amazing dad for brushing my kids' teeth and reading them a story, what they don't know is I'm really just trying to get them to bed so I can relax.

boy in blue shirt brushing teeth Photo by Shalev Cohen on Unsplash

"I took my kids down to visit my sister last year for a few days; my mam is staying with her and the kids love their granny. The wife stayed home because our dog was sick, so I was flying solo. Bedtime came, and I'm going through the routine we've had since they were born - teeth brushed, washed and dressed, then bed. They're 13 and 10, so they know the drill, I was just reminding them offhandedly as they were running around her house. My sister turns to me and says, 'you're a good dad; our dad wouldn't have bothered doing any of that,'" a dad wrote.

12. Being involved in medical emergencies

"My 1yo son was in the hospital for a couple days after getting the flu and RSV which set off his asthma. I got called a good dad for being in the hospital with him overnight. The bar is way too low," a baffled father wrote.

I mean, where else would you be?!

13. "Babysitting"

If you're out flying solo with the kids, you must be giving mom a break. Kudos to you for keeping everyone alive until the boss gets back!

"The number of positive compliments I received for 'babysitting' my daughter when simply walking her in the pram was astounding. It happened almost every day?!" a dad said.

You can look at this phenomenon as a good thing. Dads spend more time with their kids than in the past, that's just a fact. Overall, we're more hands-on, more nurturing, and more involved. People, especially from older generations, aren't used to seeing it just yet and can't help but be impressed. That's a good thing and a sign of positive change!

But there is a dark side to these well-meaning compliments. At times they can feel backhanded, like they stem from a very low opinion of what dads are actually capable of. Wow you put your little girl's hair in a ponytail all by yourself without mom's help, amazing! Dads can sometimes be treated like stand-in or temporary caretakers, just holding down the fort until mom can get there. For fathers who really want to do their best, that's not a good feeling.

We just have to keep raising the bar little by little, generation by generation, until people stop being surprised when they see a dad doing a half-decent job.

via James Breakwell / Twitter

Raising kids is tough, but there's a lot of laughs along the way. Comedy writer James Breakwell has four daughters under the age of eight and shares their hilarious conversations on Twitter. And, from Breakwell's tweets, it looks like his five year old has a future in comedy. Here's a sampling of some Breakwell's funniest kid-inspired tweets.


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His 5-year-old isn't the only (often unintentionally) hilarious child in the house; the 7-year-old and 3-year-old turn up from time to time. There's also a 2-year-old, but she hasn't been the subject of many tweets yet.


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This article originally appeared four years ago.

Family

Dad takes 7-week paternity leave after his second child is born and is stunned by the results

"These past seven weeks really opened up my eyes on how the household has actually ran, and 110% of that is because of my wife."

@ustheremingtons/TikTok

There's a lot to be gleaned from this.

Participating in paternity leave offers fathers so much more than an opportunity to bond with their new kids. It also allows them to help around the house and take on domestic responsibilities that many new mothers have to face alone…while also tending to a newborn. All in all, it enables couples to handle the daunting new chapter as a team, making it less stressful on both parties. Or at least equally stressful on both parties. Democracy!

TikTok creator and dad Caleb Remington, from the popular account @ustheremingtons, confesses that for baby number one, he wasn’t able to take a “single day of paternity leave.” This time around, for baby number two, Remington had the privilege of taking seven weeks off (to be clear—his employer offered four weeks, and he used an additional three weeks of PTO).

The time off changed Remington’s entire outlook on parenting, and his insights are something all parents could probably use.

“It's unfortunately the end of my maternity —ahem— paternity leave,” Remington quips at the beginning of his video, via voiceover. “I only joke because my wife is truly the man of the house. And call me what you want, but I am totally okay with that.”

He then shares that after getting to spend quality time with his family to create precious memories—losing track of time to “watch ants cross the sidewalk,” for instance—he feels “guilty” about not doing so with their firstborn.

“[It] made me realize how many of those small moments I missed out the first time, but I'm looking past that guilt and grateful that I had some time to make it up,” he says.

You’ll notice that during this entire video, Remington is also doing chores. Sweeping, mopping, vacuuming, washing dishes, wiping the countertops…you get the picture.

@ustheremingtons I (caleb) am getting ready to go back into work and i am not ready. Grateful for my four weeks plus 3 weeks of PTO, but i feel like we were just getting into a groove and i was finally getting to have some 1 on 1 time with my son. Picking up the house today because we all function better with a clean space and we haven’t had time to do much of it while surviving these past 7 weeks. I do work from home and find that I have a little more flexibility in helping out here and there but i am also pretty glued and have to be zoned in during work hours. I do however have some pretty awesome and understanding coworkers and company!Shout out to @SAMBAZON Açaí 👊 Tiff is an all star: working and stay at home mom. I am dedicated in doing better to help balance more of the domestic responsibilities. #paternityleave #dadtok #dadsover30 #dadlife #fyp #foryoupage #ditl #ditlvlog #maternityleave #newbornlife #newbornbaby #secondbaby #2under2 #toddlerlife ♬ original sound - Tiffany + Caleb

Why is he doing this? His wife, aka “the lady with the milk bags,” has been so stressed with the house being messy that Remington decided to focus on doing all the housecleaning so that she could spend time with the kids.

Doing a fair share of the domestic labor is something Remington admits to failing at their first time around. Spending seven weeks taking on more responsibilities, however, opened his eyes to the fact that what he previously saw as doing his “fair share” was actually doing “the bare minimum.”

“It has taken multiple conversations — and many ongoing ones — to truly master how to take on more of the mental load of raising children, growing our marriage and taking care of our investments like our home.”

Proof that having difficult conversations can lead to better understanding!

Lastly, Remington reflects on how the emotional turbulence of being new parents challenged his relationship, even though he and his wife were good communicators and aware of how much effort would be required.

“I honestly hated how much we fought, how much I felt misunderstood, and how much I misunderstood her…so now as second-time parents, I feel like we're a little bit more prepared. Prepared in how we talk to each other, prepared in how I balance work, life, and personal life, and prepared to just let things go,” he says.

Definitely valuable insights for anyone navigating baby number one. Or number five, for that matter.

Remington’s story stands as a great example of just how beneficial paternity leave can be. It offers priceless bonding time, an equal balance of responsibilities, and more time for much needed reflection as parents begin a pivotal new chapter in their lives.


This article originally appeared two years ago.