Man's over-the-top Crumbl Cookies review is one for the ages
"This mug tastes like a Girl Scout cookie on steroids that went to Planet Fitness with its gallon of water jug and set off the lunk alarm…"
Have you ever eaten something that was so delectably delicious it gave you an out-of-body experience and changed your whole outlook on life?
Apparently, P.E. teacher and digital creator Travis Reed has, in the form of a Crumbl Cookie.
(If you’re not familiar, Crumbl Cookies is a dessert company that specializes in thick, rich cookies. They rotate their dozens of cookie recipes to offer six flavors each week, so the menu is constantly changing. They have flavors ranging from classic Semi-sweet Chocolate Chip to Toffee Cake, Chocolate Covered Strawberry, "Kitchen Sink" and more.)
Reed shared a detailed review of Crumbl Cookies in 2022, and it's gone viral multiple times since.
In a post to his Facebook page, Reed explained that he got talked into taking a trip to Crumble Cookies, and at first he thought he was in "the triple stacked line at Chick Fil A" because it was so busy.
"I got out the car and this darn line was longer than a Monday," he wrote. Then he began to describe the effect his first Crumbl experience had on him.
"Cookie crumbl done messed around and changed my life for the better…I’m waving at neighbors in the neighborhood for no reason, I used a bath bomb….I was washing my car and a neighbor asked that lame line 'are going to do mine next' I said yessireeee bring it on over pal, I watched a Disney movie talmbout 'We don’t talk about Bruuuno no no no!' …I hugged a enemy, and I had 'supper'….them cookies tasted like the Summer of 69, Love and Happiness, Dancin in the Moonlight, Cinderellas Castle, and any Bruno Mars song oh and a Pixie Stick….I took one bite and that mug had my stomach melting like the Wicked Witch of the West I sweatergawd and ion een like sweets and cookies like that This mug tastes like a Girl Scout cookie on steroids that went to planet fitness with its gallon of water jug and set off the lunk alarm….I’m talking testosteroned UPJuicaaaayI peeped the calorie count of these cookies and ima be at a million before this week over but this sugar drive got me on 12 so ima go on and somersault this 6 mile trail right quick talmbout type 12 diabetes…just take the whole foot …aaaand they just be dropping new flavors every week like mixtapes …helmelawd I ain’t gon make itI’m sweating dough and sprinkles jus thinking bout it ,leeeeet’s get readyyy to CRUMBLLLL!! 40/10"
The whole post could be used as a creative writing lesson with Reed’s liberal use of simile, metaphor and exaggeration for comedic effect. People loved his enthusiasm, though many lamented how he made them crave cookies.
"Honey, let me tell you!!! My husband is such a tightwad about money. I went and bought these cookies, and Lord knows they're not cheap. Even he said they were worth every penny!!! They're so damn addicting, too. Feel like I need a cookies anonymous therapy session."
"They’re opening one beside my work. I’m scared. Imma have type 23 diabeetus soon and I don’t even like sweets that much."
"Omg!! They just opened one across the street from me and I been hearing folks talk about they used to drive 50 minutes for these cookies…now more than ever I need them. I may just go there right now."
Crumble Cookies' CEO even sent Reed's review to the company's employees, writing, "Thank you for all your hard work in making Crumbl the happiest part of everyone's week!"
You can follow Travis Reed on Facebook.