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Friendship

Mom sends life-changing text to her son's friend who stood by him during severe depression

Watching your child suffer from mental illness is incredibly difficult.

Depression can be isolating and take a toll on friendships.

Any parent who has had a child struggling with mental health knows how helpless it can make you feel. You want to fix it, to kiss the boo-boo and make it all better, but you can't. Finding and getting the help your child needs, whether they're 7 or 27, can be a long, frustrating process, and seeing your kid suffering in the meantime is incredibly difficult.

They say it takes a village, and that's especially true when mental health issues disrupt your child's life. Having other people love and support your loved one who is struggling is huge, whether it's other family members, community members, or friends. That's why a mom reaching out to her son's friend who had been by their side through a severe depression resonates with so many.

A person shared on Reddit that they had received a text from their friend's mom after the friend had been through a bout of depression. It read:


"This is _____'s mom. Just wanted to say thank you from the bottom of my heart for standing by my child through their toughest times. Seeing my child struggle was the most painful experience of my life. Your presence, patience, and support meant the world. You've been a true blessing and I'll forever be grateful to you as I can see my child smile again. May you always be surrounded by love, kindness and compassion you selflessly gave to my child. You have been a blessing in our lives."

Helping someone with depression is not easy, no matter who you are. Friends and family often don't know what to do and can end up distancing themselves or responding in a way that's not helpful. It's clear that the mom recognized this fact and expressing her gratitude is a beautiful way of acknowledging the difference this friend made.

depression, mental health, mental illness, support, friendship, hugHaving someone stay by your side through depression is a gift.Photo credit: Canva

People were moved by the mom's message and the evidence of the friend's staunch support.

"Oh 100% would uuuuugly-sob if I got a text like this! What a thoughtful acknowledgement and message of gratitude. Clearly, you are a wonderful and empathetic friend! 💕"

"I'm stifling back tears. I have no doubt that the loving treatment you gave this child was its own reward; however, this beautifully written note is touching and uplifting. Empathy and kindness should be acknowledged. You are both lovely and safe people. I can only wish you and your kids the best, and maybe a growing friendship. Kudos!"

"100% chance that their mom was ugly crying writing this. Experiencing suffering yourself is one thing, but the helplessness of watching your child suffer is excruciating. OP, thanks for being a ray of sunshine in stormy times for this family."

depression, mental health, mental illness, isolation, support, friendshipWatching your child struggle with mental health is painful.Photo credit: Canva

"Kinda like I am now. My Heart goes out to any mom who sees their child struggling, no matter what the age, and feel helpless. Then to have someone be able to provide support in a way that can only come from a friend and not a mom - it just wrecks me to think of how great of a gift it was."

"My adult son is struggling with depression. As a parent, it’s gut-wrenching. I mean, it’s harder for them than for me. But my heart is in a constant state of breaking."

"This clearly shows how you can be surrounded by the best people and still suffer from depression. If this parent shows this much love toward their child’s friend, I can only imagine how amplified it is toward their child who still had to work through it. What lovely people. I hope all involved are thriving."

It's a good reminder to do what we can for one another and to let people know when you see and appreciate their efforts for your loved ones. It truly takes a village for all of us to thrive.


Joy

Guy shares a simple, 2-minute solution to friendship distancing, calls it 'game-changing'

The "Wednesday Waffle" has become a weekly tradition for friend groups around the world.

The "Wednesday Waffle" is taking hold of friend groups everywhere.

One of the realities of adulthood is that friendships morph and change, even if we don't want them to. As friends who were once close embark on individual life adventures—moving away from home, finding jobs, getting into relationships, starting families—it's inevitable that friendships will shift and some distancing will happen. That's life, but that doesn't mean that we can't make an effort to maintain connection and create ways of keeping in touch with the people we care about.

In the olden days, friends would correspond with letters, but technology gives us many more ways to stay in touch. Unfortunately, smartphone use can easily overtake our lives, and figuring out how to utilize technology in a healthy and productive way can be tricky. But a video explaining a "game-changing" weekly tradition that provides a simple, quick way to keep up with our friends' lives has people wanting to create a "Wednesday Waffle" themselves..

"As I get older, I'm getting used to the fact that I don't hear from my friends as often as I used to," says Kirx Diaz. "And I understand, life is lifing, and I live 3,000 miles away from a lot of my closest people, but it's something that I've really had to come to terms with."

"However," he adds, "about a month and a half ago, we were introduced to this concept called the Wednesday Waffle, and basically what this is is a two-minute video life update talking about what we've been up to that week, how we've been feeling, and kind of everything in between. And I can't lie, it's been game-changing. The group chat's always going off, we know who's going through it, who's doing well, who we need to check up on throughout the week. And for the first time in a long time, I actually feel closer to my friends now than I did when I was living back home."

The Wednesday Waffle idea originally went viral from another guy on Instagram, who explained how he and his group of three friends send one another brief video updates every Wednesday. As @nonpractisinggenius explains, "waffling" with friends is "a game changer for maintaining long distance friendships." Some of the benefits he points out include:

- It takes just two minutes
- Fights feelings of loneliness
- Brings joy to the week
- Deepens connections
- Accommodates different schedules / timezones

When Americans hear "Wednesday Waffle," they may assume that it's something like Taco Tuesday, but "waffle" in this case is an Australian slang term for talking. "It’s just Aussie talk for speaking at length about nothing in particular. (think jibber jabber, yammer, natter, babble)" the originator explains.

It wasn't until he showed his partner a "waffle" from a friend who had recently had a baby that he realized how impactful it was. "She was really blown away by the fact that we'd been sending these Wednesday Waffles to each other every Wednesday for a couple of years," he said. She just thought it was such a great thing for friends to do to stay connected, and it made me kinda think about it. I've been taking it for granted, but it is such a good thing and I look forward to their video every Wednesday. So maybe this is something other people can introduce to their life."

People in the comments have been sharing their experiences starting up a similar habit with their friends. It doesn't have to be on Wednesdays and it doesn't have to be any specific length, but keeping the videos short and sweet help it become a sustainable practice.

"Put this vid in a group chat with 5 of my boys… everyone participated and it was a pretty great, and connective experience. I hope we are able to keep it up. Except we waffled on a Thursday."

"I sent this video to my 2 best friends in our group chat about a month ago and we have been doing this every week since. It’s been amazing because they both have crazy travel schedules with work and we have been able to see so much from each other in such a short time. Thank you for posting this, I can’t wait to see how we evolve it moving forward. ❤️"

"Started Wednesday waffles with the boyz this morning. Thanks for the suggestion."

"Dude! Me and my mates started this a few weeks ago. The absolute joy it brings us all every week is irreplaceable. Thanks for the inspiration. Legend. 🙌"

Whether you're wanting to keep in touch with one friend or a handful of them, a weekly "waffle" on a specific day of the week might just be the simple solution you've been looking for. Friendships do change over time and life legitimately makes keeping up with friends a challenge, but we don't have to resign ourselves to losing touch with people we care about when we have the technology to stay connected. All it takes is a few minutes and the ability to press record and send.

Pop Culture

People hearing about 'shoe theory' for the first time worry they'll be dumped on Christmas

Many are concerned this common Christmas gift will spell relationship disaster, thanks to an old wive's tale going viral.

Canva, @barbeeherrinfam/TikTok

The viral 'shoe theory' has people second guessing their Christmas gifts.

Of course we’re leaving some things as a surprise, but one thing my husband and I each got for each other this year happened to be a pair of shoes. What can we say, we saw a sale at Macy’s and couldn’t say no—him to a pair of tan Nike’s that will go with everything, and me to a bedazzled pair of Betsy Johnson boots that will go with exactly nothing, but are just so beautiful.

But had we known of the “shoe theory” currently taking over the internet, we might have chosen otherwise if we wanted our marriage to last, apparently.

Countless folks can be found in the #Shoetheory section of TikTok, sharing their own fears (and horror stories around this trending topic.


As the superstition goes: if you give a significant other a pair of shoes, they will “eventually walk out on you,” leading to an inevitable breakup.

As Angela Chan, aka @angela.chaan, explains it, this theory stems from Chinese culture, since the word for “shoe” in Mandarin sounds similar to “bad luck” or “evil.”

While this old wive’s tale might have been around for a long time, many people are only just now hearing it…after having already bought a pair (or two) for their beau.

@bu99zie Nope. #fyp #christmas #bf #shoetheory ♬ original sound - <3

Needless to say, people are concerned.

@hannahgtown

Merry Christmas, we had a good run x

♬ original sound - angela chan
@kate61143 we’ve been through long distance and praying THE SHOE THEORY isnt the thing that breaks us up #shoetheory #fyp #fypシ゚viral ♬ original sound - <3

And to make matters worse, many do have anecdotes of post-shoe breakups, indicating there might be something to the theory after all.

“I left my ex a week after he gifted me a show for my Birthday.. He even took the shoes back,” one person shared.

In a different TikTok, a woman wrote “I didn’t even get to give them to him” in the caption as she’s seen throwing a pair of sneakers in frustration.

Another said, “”Every boyfriend I’ve had I bought them shoes, and every single one of them has walked straight out my life.”
@fayemart Have I lost it or is this shoe theory thing the real deal?! #shoetheory #boyfriend #christmaspresents #shoetheoryexplained #viral #trending #fyp ♬ original sound - faye


Even former skeptic @ok.kati.2 admitted that she thought the theory was “dumb” at first, but then had a “lightbulb moment” when she realized “I had gifted an ex of mine a pair of shoes … and they definitely walked out of my life.”

This all has spooked shoppers second guessing their gift choices. But for many, it’s too late.

“I don’t know what to do about these shoes now. I bought the shoes for him a while ago, so I can’t return them now,”@jessicageary1 lamented. “Now, do I need to burn the shoes I got my boyfriend for Christmas? They were expensive though. What do I do?”

But fret not, there is a possible solution: have your SO pay you a dollar for the shoes.

@izzle.b explains in their comment to @angela.chaan’s shoe theory video”

“My mom told me this when my bf first gifted me shoes lol I had to technically ‘buy’ the shoes off my bf for $1 and that’s what we’ve been doing since.”

Smart plan. And the least expensive investment ever!

@brookejamesxx

And if your not then why u buying him shoes anyways💀 if he leaves hes simply✨not the one for you✨

♬ original sound - speakerbleed225

If a relationship ends, odds are there’s more to its demise than an ill-fated gift. But still, this theory is such an interesting example of the deep connection humans have with symbols. So many people feel as though the universe is constantly communicating through signs.

If you do fall into this camp, it can be easy to see how offering up shoes—those vehicles in which we roam and wander the world—might be an intuitive invitation to our partners to go on their own path.

But regardless of whether you believe in omens or not, it feels safe to say that all of us want a relationship that can withstand something as innocuous as shoes.

All I can say is: I hope my Betsy Johnson boots aren’t made for walking.

Photo by Silas Baisch on Unsplash

It's easy to forget in the midst of our seemingly intractable divides, but human beings need each other. Truly.

We are social creatures, of course, but our need for human connection goes beyond family bonds and friendship and social stimulation. In times of distress especially, the simple, purposeful presence of another person can be powerfully transformative—both emotionally and physiologically.

Ryan Kuja, a surfer who also happens to be a trained therapist and theologian, shared a beautiful post that illustrates this fundamental truth.

Kuja wrote:


"Two days ago I was out surfing and a young guy, maybe 20 or so, was just inside of me by 10 yards or so. Suddenly he started yelling frantically 'Hey! Hey! Help! Help me!' As I started paddling toward him he disappeared under water for a second and resurfaced with a frantic look of terror on his face.

'The leash wrapped around my legs!' he said to me as I got to him.

'I'm here. I got you,' I said, knowing he was in sympathetic hyperarousal and his nervous system was dysregulated due to the perceived threat (being out in waves with the leash wrapped around both legs). In a few seconds his state shifted. The look on his face changed. The co-regulating process moved him from panic and survival physiology to a sense of being ok, that he wasn't in danger, it had passed.

A few years ago I was surfing on a fairly big day in Washington when I fell taking off on a wave and I heard my collar bone snap. Right up against a rock jetty in 6-8' surf, survival physiology kicked in and I paddled with my one usable arm to the beach and collapsed in terror and exhaustion.

Another surfer came up to me, looked me in the eye, put his hand on my shoulder and said, 'I'm an EMT. I'm here. I'm going to stay with you. An ambulance is on its way.' I can feel the tears well up writing this as I remember that moment. My body was going into a state of mild shock from the injury, but his calm presence allowed my nervous system to settle. His presence was co-regulating, allowing my physiology to settle a bit in the midst of a highly distressing situation.

I likely would have developed prolonged survival physiology (trauma) if he hadn't been there. His attunement didn't save my life (I had already done that by paddling in with one arm), but it saved me from the potential pitfalls of an overwhelmed nervous system that stays locked in survival mode. I surfed the same spot a few months later, nervous I was going to be triggered. I wasn't, thanks to that random stranger. I've never had triggering symptoms related to this event, something that easily--so easily--could have robbed me of my deep love for surfing and the ocean.

'I'm here.' Some of the holiest words I've ever known."

So beautiful and so true. I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere. I've got you. These simple words from the mouth of a stranger can change chaos into calm, terror into calm, trauma into comfort. How incredible is the power of human connection?

We need each other. And we need to remember we need each other.

Thanks for the reminder, Ryan Kuja.