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My Gen Z kids see periods in my texts as 'aggressive.' No. They're not. Full stop. The end.

This is one Gen X hill I am willing to die on.

Photo credit: Canva

If you want to freak out a Gen Zer, put a period at the end of a text message.

As a Gen X mom of three Gen Z kids in their teens and 20s, there's a lot that I'm willing to concede and even celebrate when it comes to the gap in our generations. I love Gen Z's global consciousness, their openness about mental health, their focus on inclusivity, and their insistence on wearing comfortable shoes with formal wear. But there's one Gen Z feature that I simply cannot abide, and that is the weaponization of basic punctuation.

"It freaks me out when you say 'yes period' in a text," my high schooler told me one day. "It feels so aggressive, like I feel like I'm in trouble or something." I stared at him incredulously as my 20-year-old laughed but then agreed with him. "It does! The period makes it feel like you're mad," she said.

Ah yes, the period, the punctuation mark famous for its aggressive connotation. Far from being a mere generational quirk, this misinterpreting of benign text messages as aggressive or angry could result in serious communication breakdowns. Talking by text is already hard enough, and now we're adding a layer of meaning that older folks don't have a clue about?

text screenshotA Gen X text convo with Gen ZPhoto credit: Annie Reneau

The kids are serious about this, though. According to Gen Zers, pretty much any time someone puts a period at the end of a text, it means they're mad or irritated. At the risk of sounding like a dinosaur, I'd like to point out that reading into periods in texts like this is just silly. It's silly when the young folks do it with each other, but it's extra silly when they do it with adults who didn't grow up with texting and have ingrained grammatical habits that aren't easy to shake. (And frankly, some of us don't want to shake—I'm a former English teacher, for crying out loud.)

In no reasonable world can "Yes." be automatically viewed as aggressive. It's just not. Neither is "Time to get off the computer." Neither is "Got it." Or "OK." or "Sure." I understand that texting conventions have evolved such that end punctuation isn't necessary, but when did we start assigning negative intentions to very basic punctuation? I mean, if I wanted to be aggressive, I'd text, "HEY—time to GET OFF the COMPUTER!" A period should not be read as anything more than a matter-of-fact, neutral-toned statement. We have other tools for conveying tone in writing—capital letters, italics, bold, exclamation points, and now a whole slew of emojis. A period is and has always been neutral. That's literally the entire point of a period.

I'm even willing to give Gen Z an inch on the thumbs-up emoji—they think that's aggressive, too—only because emojis are new and their meanings are up for interpretation. But a period? Not budging. That little dot has been signaling the end of people's thoughts for centuries. Periods can and do sometimes affect tone in subtle ways—"No, I didn't," hits slightly differently than "No. I didn't."—but their basic inclusion at the end of a thought in no way signals aggression or anger, by text or otherwise. Not on Gen X's watch, at least. This is one generational hill I am willing to die on.

Oh Yeah Mic Drop GIF by Taylor BisciottiGiphy

These unwritten rules of texting seem to have been concocted by Gen Z, but when? And how? Who decides these things? Is there a group of super powerful and influential young adults who put out a bat signal at some point saying that periods are symbols of aggression? If the young folks want to play the reading-into-basic-punctuation game amongst themselves, making communication much more complicated for themselves, have at it. But please don't ascribe intent to us old fogies who've had "declarative statements end in periods" ingrained in us since elementary school.

Texting wasn't always like this. When texting first became a thing, using periods in them was pretty normal. As more and more people started dropping them (and capitalization—another deep English teacher wound), I held firm to their usage, mostly out of habit and feeling like my texts were incomplete without them. As my kids got old enough to text and informed me that periods are viewed by their age group as aggressive, I reconsidered. Should I stop using them, giving in to the tyranny of Gen Z's overthinking? Should I keep using them, embracing the fact that I'm old and set in my ways?

Ultimately, I landed on sometimes using periods in texts and sometimes not—a compromise between my own rigid grammar rules and Gen Z's seemingly senseless texting rules. Except only using them sometimes just confuses my kids even more, which is hilarious. Is Mom mad? Is she not? My daughter said she just has to remind herself who is texting, knowing that I—and most of my generation—simply don't use periods aggressively.

Nope. Not happening. Not ever. Period.

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Family

Mom shares how to respond to an apology confidently. It's great advice for kids and adults.

Sometimes, "It's okay," just isn't okay.

via Canva/Photos

A man asking a woman for forgiveness

Yasmina Elmerkaoui, a beauty influencer and founder of Merkau, is getting a lot of love on TikTok because she reminds everyone that there is more than one way to respond to an apology. Sometimes, all you have to do is say, “Thank you.” If you were the one who was wronged, why does someone get to control your reaction just because they apologized?

Her thoughts were eye-opening to many people conditioned to give a knee-jerk “It’s okay” response when someone apologizes, even though what they ask forgiveness for probably isn’t “okay.” Elmerkaoui shared her thoughts on a September 2024 episode of the “Hanging for More” podcast she hosts with Maggie Younan.

What's the best way to respond to an apology?

“I’ve taught my kids to say, ‘Thank you for apologizing,’ rather than, ‘That’s OK,’ because the behavior isn’t OK,” Elmerkaoui says. “The apology is welcomed, so it also draws a line and reminds you, no, no, no, that isn’t OK.”

@hangingformorepodcast

How to respond to “sorry” 🙏

Elmerkaoui’s response provides a solid distinction between thanking someone for admitting they were wrong without going so far as condoning their actions. The “thank you” response is also a way to prevent people from acting out of line again. If you tell someone their bad behavior is “okay, " they are more likely to do it again, causing a terrible cycle of poor behavior and apologies. “It reminds everyone else in their life as well that the apology is welcome, but the behavior isn’t okay and I won’t accept it,” she continues.

Elmerkaoui doesn’t expect an “It’s okay” even from her own son because she believes it teaches him poor boundaries. “They say the same to me, like, ‘Thank you for apologizing,’” she goes on. “I’ll even pull them up if they say, ‘That’s okay.’ Noah, especially, he’s such a mama’s boy, he’s like, ‘Mom, that’s okay, you did nothing wrong.’ And I’m like, “No, I did.”


“This is so important. It’s not ok to mistreat others and hide behind an apology. It becomes a cycle,” Rafaela wrote in the comments. “There’s power in saying ‘I forgive you’ too when you genuinely do, but absolutely never ‘it’s fine,’” Allison added.

Some people had never even considered simply saying thank you. “Why have I never thought of this? I've been actively thinking of what a better response would be. I'm trying to stop saying "it's okay,’” Kaitlin wrote.

Karina Schumann, a psychology professor who studies conflict resolution, apologies, and forgiveness at the University of Pittsburgh, agrees with Elmerkaoui’s approach but stresses that we respond to the apology authentically. “It’s important to be genuine without being hostile,” says Schumann. “Research shows that using a ‘constructive voice’ — where you voice your concerns in a positive, calm way — is the most effective way to invite behavioral changes and better relationships. Sweeping things under the rug and pretending to forgive when you’re not ready are not going to fix the problem.”

Yasmina Elmerkaoui’s simple yet powerful apology approach brought up a meaningful conversation about authenticity and boundaries. Her advice to shift from saying “It’s okay” to “Thank you” encourages a healthier dynamic that doesn’t condone bad behavior but places a high value on accountability. It acknowledges the hurt while bringing things to a sincere resolution. Elmerkaoui’s advice reminds us that we may not be able to control how people treat us, but we have complete power over how we respond.

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Pop Culture

Nicole Kidman shares the unconventional marriage rule she has with husband Keith Urban

They've had this communication rule since the very beginning of their 18 year relationship.

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Keith Urban (left) Nicole Kidman (right)

Long before Nicole Kidman began her long-term relationship with AMC theaters, she was committed to husband and country singer Keith Urban. The two have happily been together since 2006—which is a good run for any modern day marriage, but most certainly a Hollywood one.

And perhaps their nearly decades-long success can be partially attributed to one surprising communication rule: no texting. While appearing on the Something To Talk About podcast in 2023, Kidman shared that she was the one who initiated the unconventional agreement.

"We never text each other, can you believe that? We started out that way – I was like, 'If you want to get a hold of me, call me…"I wasn't really a texter.,” the “Moulin Rouge” actress shared.

She added that while Urban did attempt texting her a few items early on, he eventually switched when Kidman wasn’t very responsive. And now, 18 years later, they only call each other.

“We just do voice to voice or skin to skin, as we always say. We talk all the time and we FaceTime but we just don’t text because I feel like texting can be misrepresentative at times…I don’t want that between my lover and I,” she told Parade

.

There are, of course, some pros and cons to calling over texting. Research has shown that people who call feelmore connected to one another vs. texting, with the voice being an integral component of bonding. As our society becomes increasingly more distant and lonely, finding those moments might be more important than ever.

At the same time, calling can invoke a lot more anxiety compared to texting, which could lead someone to not communicating at all. Also, I don’t know about you, but the thought of having to call my partner for mundane things like “don’t forget the eggs” would drive me crazy.

But regardless of whether or not you adopt Kidman and Urban’s no-texting rule, perhaps the bigger takeaway is that relationship longevity depends on being able to establish your own rules. One that feels good and that each partner is able to stick to. Especially when it comes to communication.

As Urban himself told E! News at the CMT Music Awards, "I have no advice for anybody,You guys figure out whatever works for you…We're figuring it out. You figure it out. Everybody's different. There's no one size fits all."

Luckily, there are many ways to have good text hygiene, without having to do away with it completely. Very Well Mind suggests to avoid texting too many questions, and to be respectful of your partner's schedule (probably best to not text them while they’re sleeping just to say “hey,” for example). Nor should texting be used to argue or deal with conflict. Lastly, probably save the lengthy, in-depth conversations for a phone call. Fifteen heart emojis are totally fine though.


This article originally appeared in April.

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Family

Forget "How's school going?" Try these questions instead to get shy teens talking.

If talking to your young relatives feels like pulling teeth, here are some questions that can help them open up.

Photo credit: Canva

Teens might seem uncomfortable at first, but you can help make them feel at ease.

Have you ever seen someone who seems to have a knack for talking with teens and wondered what their secret was? Sometimes it seems like getting young people to offer anything other than monosyllabic answers to questions is like pulling teeth. Maybe they're shy or self-conscious, or maybe the questions adults tend to ask aren't very effective at getting them to open up, but when you're gathering with family for the holidays and want to spend time getting to know your teenage relatives, it can be tough when the conversation feels awkward or forced.

Shyness is real and self-consciousness often comes with adolescence, so there's not a whole lot we can do about those things, but there are ways to engage young people that are more likely to result in a real conversation. When our "How's school going?" gets a "fine" or a "good," we know we need some better questions, but it's not always easy to think of those on the spot.

That's where some helpful guidance from Raising Teens Today comes in super handy.

woman talking with a teenMost teens actually like to talk if you ask the right questions.Photo credit: Canva

"Let me clue you in on a little secret... teenagers LOVE to talk," writes Nancy Reynolds, the mom behind the Raising Teens Today website. "Sounds crazy, right? I promise, you can get the quietest teen on the planet chatting simply by asking them questions that make them feel comfortable and want to share their world with you."

First, she offers some points to keep in mind as you chat with teens specifically:

- Steer clear of subjects that can put them on the defensive or make them feel awkward or inferior, including their grades, changing bodies, or whether they have a boyfriend or girlfriend, for instance.

- Keep it light. Don't get into heavy subjects. Teens have a lot on their shoulders already. Laugh a little. Have fun.

- Ask questions that will get them talking. Ask about their friends, things they love doing, books or sports or hobbies they love, their passions or dreams.

- Don't ask "loaded" questions such as, "You ARE going to college, right?'" Or, "Do you EVER look up from your phone?" Nothing will make a teenager clam up faster.

- Teenagers are young adults. Treat them as such. Show respect.

- Just be authentic. Teens can spot a fake from afar. If you're genuinely interested in their life and they sense you truly care, they'll open their heart... and when they do, it's such a gift.

The mom of three teens also gave some suggestions for what to ask in place of the standard questions we tend to use. An "ask this, not that" of talking to young people.

These questions go beyond the standard ones adults often ask or provide a twist on the classics that put young people at ease:

"What's the most interesting thing you've learned this year?"

"What do you enjoy doing with your friends?"

"It won't be long before you graduate. I'm so anxious to hear your plans!"

"I'd love to hear what you've been up to if you feel like chatting."

"What's your favorite thing to do when you're not in school?"

"What's the coolest thing you've seen online recently?"

"What's the one thing you're most looking forward to next year?"

i.giphy.com

Don't bombard them—it's not an interrogation–but try out a couple and see how they go. It's important to note that some kids might be flummoxed by questions that require them to choose "the one" or "the most" or "favorite," so you can always alter those kinds of questions to be more open-ended, like this:

"What's something you like to do when you're not in school?"

"What classes are you finding interesting or challenging?"

"Have you read or seen anything you really enjoyed lately?"

"What are you looking forward to after the holidays?"

You can also think about meeting kids and teens where they are by being curious about the reality of their lives—but in a way that isn't overly intrusive or judgmental. For instance, instead of only asking what their favorite subject is in school, ask what their least favorite subject is as well. That will almost surely get them talking. Instead of scoffing about them being on their phones, ask them what social media sites they like the most and why they prefer them to others. You can also ask them their opinions about things like whether they prefer reading paper or digital books, whether they prefer lectures or small group discussions, whether they feel like they learn better from listening, watching or doing. Questions like these don't make them feel like they're being quizzed or tested, because there aren't any right or wrong or even preferable answers.

If you do ask about a "favorite," make it something that they can easily choose a favorite from and something that can lead to further conversation. For instance, "Do you have a favorite teacher?" followed up by "What do you like about them and their class?" That can lead to a nice back and forth about what makes a teacher effective, what makes a class interesting or boring, and what your own experiences with good or bad teachers has been.

Another way to engage teens at your family gatherings is to ask them to help with something in the kitchen. Giving them something helpful to do takes the social spotlight off of them and creates more opportunity for small connections, making more meaningful conversations feel like the natural next step.

teens helping bake in the kitchenGetting them in the kitchen can help with conversations.Photo credit: Canva

People are appreciating the tips offered, as connecting with young people can be a challenge for many adults.

"Where were these questions when I was younger?? How different would the conversation been?"

"🫶🏽 It’s all in the wording! Connections are so important."

"I love this!!! It can be a lot of work getting your teen to go to an adult gathering. It’s never helpful when they get there and end up feeling either judged or completely ignored. It only isolates them further when what they need more than anything is connection with adults."

"Thank you for this. My father will ask my 14 year old what she wants to do for college and I can see the anxiety build up in her. How about what do you like to do in your spare time? What are you proud of? What are you interested in?"

"I’m a grandparent and this is just what I was looking for to open a positive interaction during family events. Thanks again!! 🙌"

It's definitely worth trying some of these out over the holidays.

You can follow Raising Teens Today on Facebook, Instagram and raisingteenstoday.com.

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