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communication

Education & Information

The 4 unspoken rules of conversation we all follow without thinking about it

They're known Grice's Maxims, and it's obvious when someone violates one of them.

Photo credit: Canva

How do we understand what we mean when we converse?

Talking to one another is one of the most basic things we do, and yet human communication is actually pretty weird when you think about it. We can't speak to everyone because none of us knows every one of the world's thousands of languages. We can say the exact same words but change their meaning simply by changing our tone of voice. Some people are avid, smooth conversationalists, and others are so anxious about social interactions that we need therapy to help us get through them.

Human conversation is complicated, no doubt. But oddly, there are some rules we all adhere to when we talk to one another that most of us aren't even aware of. These rules make conversations make sense and allow us to understand inferred or implied meanings, but we follow them so subconsciously that we probably don't recognize that we're doing it.

conversation, grice's maxims, communication, talking to someone, communication We follow Grice's Maxims without realizing it most of the time.Photo credit: Canva

These "rules" are known as Grice's Maxims, named for linguist and philosopher Paul Grice, who detailed these rules. Under the umbrella of the Cooperative Principle—meaning our shared understanding that conversation is meant to be a cooperative endeavor in which we strive to communicate effectively—Grice explained four maxims we all follow:

1. QUANTITY (be informative)

The quantity maxim leads us to be as informative as possible while not giving more detail than is needed.

2. QUALITY (be truthful)

The quality maxim means we tell the truth by default, not providing information that's false or lacking evidence.

3. RELATION (be relevant)

The relation maxim compels us to say things that are pertinent or related to the conversation.

4. MANNER (be clear)

The manner maxim means being brief and orderly in what we say, avoiding obscurity or ambiguity.

Tom Scott explains Grice's Maxims and gives examples of how they help us understand one another.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

For example, we use the term "vegan burgers" but not "vegan tomatoes" because "vegan" is not a necessary descriptor for tomatoes, which everyone knows are always vegan. That's Grice's first maxim of Quantity—give as much information as is required, but no more. Breaking this rule sounds strange.

We can see Grice's Maxims at work in the simple exchange in which one person says, "I'm out of petrol," and the other person says, "There's a garage down the street."

"Without context, just using the super literal, logical meaning of those sentences, there's no connection there," Scott explains. "Those are just two factual statements. But if you assume I'm trying to follow the cooperative principle, then you can automatically work out a lot more."

out of gas, out of petrol, need gas, gasoline, gas can A brief conversation about running out of gas illustrates Grice's Maxims.Photo credit: Canva

For instance, the relation maxim leads us to the conclusion that the garage probably has petrol. The quantity maxim means that "there's a garage down the street" is all you need to say to imply that you can push your car down the street, buy gas, and solve the problem of being on empty (a problem which was also implied in the first sentence, as Scott points out). The quality maxim assumes that both statements are true, and due to the manner maxim, we can assume that "garage" is just a dialectical term for a gas station.

Then Scott explained that the maxims can be violated or flouted. Violating a maxim is basically just lying and trying to deceive, but flouting these maxims can be done to say something without really saying it. He gave the example of a recommendation letter that is too brief and not informative enough, which implies that the person writing it has nothing to really recommend about the person.

What's fun about Grice's Maxims is the comedy that happens when the cooperative principle is not assumed and statements or questions are taken literally. Think of all the literal quips from "Airplane" or "The Naked Gun."

Quote I Am Serious GIF by Top 100 Movie Quotes of All TimeGiphy

People in the comments shared examples of exchanges that are taken literally instead of understanding the implied meaning, and it's hilarious.

"I'm out of petrol"

"That's good, it probably wasn't safe to be in it."

"Would you like something to drink?"

"What are my options?"

"Yes and no."

"Coffee or tea?"

"Coffee"

"Wrong, it's tea."

"I'm seeing stars."

"Did you see a doctor?"

"No, just stars."

"Hello, my name is Kevin without 'M'."

"But there is no 'M' in Kevin."

"That's what I said."

"What is your main flaw?"

"I correctly interpret the semantics of the questions, but I ignore their essence."

"Could you give an example?

"I could."

Some people pointed out that learning about these maxims could help neurodivergent people have easier conversations. Even though Scott says they aren't meant to be prescriptive, "do this" kinds of rules, knowing that they are inherent in social exchanges, is an important piece of the effective communication puzzle.

Isn't being human just fascinating?

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communication

Health

Science confirms ‘Move in Silence’ trend might be the smartest way to achieve your goals

“I promise you things always work out better when you keep them to yourself.”

TikTok: @wemiopakunle, @_alliechen, @mandanazarfhami,

Science confirms ‘Move in Silence’ trend might be the smartest way to achieve your goals.

TikTok's latest viral wisdom is backed by hard data—and it's making people rethink their communication habits. We live in a world of chronic oversharing. We post everything, from the routes we run (including screenshots as proof of all that hard work), to the pale-green iced matcha latte sitting at our desks or a present from a boyfriend (who will be tagged prominently, not secretly off screen). Who knows when, but our brains became wired for sharing: to record, to curate, and to post every second of our lives, then consume that of others to a disturbing degree. So, here's a radical idea: when it comes to goals and plans, try keeping them to yourself. It could be the key to making them a reality.

That's the message behind TikTok's massively popular "Move in Silence" trend, where creators like @noemoneyyy have cracked the contradictory code to success: Instead of broadcasting every big idea or project that runs through your head, if you actually want it to come to fruition, keep your plans to yourself until they're executed. And it's not just a trend; surprisingly, science also supports this muted approach.

@noemoneyyy Work in private and let the results speak! #privatelife #privatelifehappylife #workinprivate #creatorsearchinsights ♬ sonido original - Luis Jonathan

"As a former oversharer who used to tell every single friend, every single family member, or a partner everything I was doing, I promise you things always work out better when you keep them to yourself," explains creator @noemoneyyy in a video that's garnered millions of views.

On a different video by @mandanazarfhami, she says, “I don’t care what you’ve got going on in your life: that dream job, that city that you want to move to, that dream person, that dream life, that dream anything. Literally keep it to yourself until it’s done.”

Commentors were quick to agree, with one person writing: “From a young age, I never told anyone my next steps. I also taught my husband and son to keep our private matters to themselves and just do things 💯Not many people like it, but who cares🌝🙌🏼🫶🏼”

Another chimed in, “This concept has changed my life for the better.” Others replied, “100 agree 💕” and “100%🙌🏼people can’t ruin what is silent, show results.”

@mandanazarghami monitoring spirits are a real thing - move in silence and watch how much your life changes #fypシ ♬ Jacob and the Stone - Emile Mosseri

What's going on here

In a study done by New York University, researchers found that people who kept their goals private worked on tasks for an average of 45 minutes, compared to the 33 minutes of work completed by those who announced their plans in advance. The twist? The people who shared their goals expressed feeling closer to finishing, despite doing approximately 25% less work.

NYU psychologist Peter Gollwitzer, who led the research, concluded that "once you've told other people your intentions, it gives you a 'premature sense of completeness.'" He also found that the brain is made up of "identity symbols," which create one's self-image. Interestingly, both action and talking about action create symbols in your brain, so simply speaking about a future plan or something you want to do satisfies that part of your brain. When we make our goals public, especially ones that matter to us and deal with our identity, our ability to achieve said goal is significantly reduced. As the old adage goes, "actions speak louder than words."

Stranger still, in his paper "Does Social Reality Widen the Intention-Behavior Gap," Gollwitzer notes that in order for this phenomenon to happen, one must truly care about their goals. "Ironically, this effect was only found for participants who are very committed to their goal!" PsychologyToday notes. "The lesson learned is that the more passionate you are about your goals, the more secretive you should be about them."

Quiet, silence, peace, shhh, no speaking, secret The more passionate you are about your goals, the more secretive you should be. Photo credit: Canva

Another reason to keep quiet: If you're a beginner trying something new, sharing your plans could potentially open you up to criticism and negative feedback, which could deter you from even starting. At the University of Chicago, professor Ayelet Fishbach conducted studies to determine how positive and negative feedback affects the pursuit of one's goal. According to Atlassian, she and her team found:

When positive feedback signals commitment to a goal, it increases motivation.
When positive feedback signals progress, it actually decreases motivation.

"One example the researchers give is a math student who gets a good grade on a test. If she perceives it to mean she likes math, she will study harder. If, however, she sees the high score as a sign she is making progress in the class, she may ease up and study less." - Atlassian

@_alliechen I used to be such an open book but now im a lot more reserved on my goals and plans so ppl dont judge #moveinsilence #relateablecontent #girlies #viral #success ♬ suara asli - astrooo🪐

We've all been there: excitedly telling everyone about your grand plans to backpack through Europe, the year you'll finally learn Spanish, or joining the group lesson at the tennis courts you always pass by… only to mysteriously lose all motivation a week later. Turns out, those lovely dopamine bursts that accompany every enthusiastic "That sounds great!" or "You should totally do it!" response might be precisely what's holding you back.

The good news? You don't need to become closed-off and secretive, a hermit on the top of a mountain who's afraid to share any part of themselves with the world. Research suggests that sharing your goals with one or two selected friends who can be trusted to provide meaningful support is still a good idea. Just hold off on the Instagram Live announcement until you've actually accomplished something substantial.

So, the next time you sit down to write your goals, whether they be a new year's resolution, the day's to-do list, or a five-year plan, think twice about sharing it with others. Give it time and you might have something better to share soon: the results.

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motivation

Education & Information

Want to up your storytelling game? Put these 5 elements into every tale you tell.

Storytelling educator Philipp Humm says these five things make every story more interesting.

Photo credit: Canva

Being an engaging storyteller might be simpler than you think.

If there's one thing nearly every human on Earth appreciates, it's a well-told story. Our ancient love of stories is what leads us to read books and watch movies and spin tales around a campfire. A masterfully spun story can capture the attention of every ear in a room, and professional speakers know that one of the best ways to make a powerful impact on others is through storytelling.

Unfortunately, not all of us are skilled in the art of storytelling. Some people seem to have an intuitive sense of what to include and what to exclude to make a story shine, but others do not. A meandering, confusing way of telling a story can ruin a perfectly good tale, while excellent storytelling skills can make even seemingly mundane events engaging.

stories, storytelling, elements of a good story, how to tell better stories, engaging stories Storytelling is an art that we can all get better at.Photo credit: Canva

So how do master storytellers do it? What are the elements of a good story? Bestselling author, speaker, and coach Philipp Humm teaches people the art of storytelling and he shares five key things that make every story better.

First, Humm explains that the goal of a good story is to "zoom" the listener into the moment of the story and put them directly into the action. Then he shares the five elements that help you do that without getting bogged down in unnecessary details.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

1. Location (Where are you?)

"Two weeks ago, I'm sitting on my couch in my living room taking a deep breath…"

"September 2019, I'm standing in front of the conference room ready to walk inside…"

As Humm shares, the moment you say "living room" or "conference room," your audience starts to visualize it. Importantly, you don't have to describe these locations. Let people create their own version of the place. Details that don't matter to the story itself don't need to be shared.

where are you, location, setting, storytelling, stories Where Are You Cordell Walker GIF by Sony Pictures TelevisionGiphy

2. Actions (What are you doing?)

Leave out the extraneous context or details and simply state what you are doing in that moment. Walking? Biking? Shouting? Waiting? "Whatever it is, just state the actions," Humm says. "State the verbs."

Example: "I'm in my office, I open my laptop and start reading a message by my manager…"

Stating the actions brings in forward momentum, Humm says, bringing the listener right into the moment. "When you do that, your audience will immediately know you won't waste their time. You're straightaway taking them into the most important part of the story.

what are you doing, setting, action, storytelling, exposition Schitts Creek Wtf GIF by CBCGiphy

3. Thoughts (What are you thinking?)

Sharing the specific thoughts you were having at the crucial moment in the story can help bring a listener into your inner world, adding another layer of interest to the story. Instead of "I was excited to see my crush," try sharing the actual thoughts you were having—"I thought, 'Ah, this will be so cool to see her after all this time.'"

"It's a tiny tweak, but it makes any story more interesting," Humm says. However, he says, make sure the thoughts you share are worded the way you really would think them. The goal is to personalize the experience for people, not to sound professional or intellectual. "Give us the raw, unfiltered thoughts" he says. They will make your story more relatable.

what are you thinking, what, thoughts, storytelling, stories Jaz Sinclair Gen V GIF by Amazon Prime VideoGiphy

4. Emotions (What are you feeling?)

"The best stories? They're emotional," says Humm. "They take the listeners on this emotional journey." You can simply state the feeling—I was excited. I was disappointed. I was angry. But if we want to paint a picture for our audience, we need to show the emotions. For instance, instead of "I was relieved," you can describe how relief felt in your body. "I leaned back on the sofa and let out a huge sigh." Instead of "I was super excited," you might say, "My heart felt like it was going to beat out of my chest." Showing emotion this way makes the story much more visual.

how do you feel, feelings, emotions, storytelling, thoughts, stories What Do You Think Schitts Creek GIF by CBCGiphy

5. Dialogue (What are you hearing?)

Many stories have more than one character. What did they say at the crucial moment of the story? You can show emotion with body language, and you can also show it with dialogue. Of course, you want the dialogue to actually be catchy and concise, not boring, so don't include dialogue just to include it. Share the things that made the moment what it was.

"Dialogue is such a simple tool to make any story much more interesting," Humm says. "It is actually the tool that I use the most."

what did you hear, hearing, thoughts, conversation, dialogue Season 3 Episode 6 GIF by Parks and RecreationGiphy

People who struggle to tell stories well are sharing their appreciation for Humm's mini-lesson:

"I thought this was just a clickbait title, but bro over-delivered 1001% value. Absolutely brilliant, actionable insights!"

"Thank you! Thank you so much! I've been saying it. Big creators will tell you to use storytelling and confuse you on what storytelling is. This video is literally the easiest video any beginner will understand, without pressure too! Thank you once again."

"This is so freaking good! I’m sharing this with some of my coworkers who coach TED speakers so they can share how to better tell their stories. We’re often saying these things, but it’s so well said here!!!"

"This is one of the best breakdowns of storytelling I've seen! The five techniques—location, actions, thoughts, emotions, and dialogue—are so simple yet powerful. I especially loved the point about 'zooming into the moment' instead of just summarizing events. Definitely going to use these tips in my own storytelling!"

stories, storytelling, elements of a good story, how to tell better stories, engagement Storytelling skills can come in handy both professionally and personally.Photo credit: Canva

And some even made their praise into…you guessed it…a Humm-inspired story:

"Abe sat in the cafe, sitting hunched back in his chair as he listened to the intro of this video. In that moment he thought to himself, 'THIS is why my youtube videos are flopping... How the heck did I not know this stuff?! WTF?! This is GREAT!'... He quickly changed his posture, moving to the edge of his chair, and sitting upright. He scrambled to close his YouTube Analytics and quickly opened google docs to take notes. He sat there, staring intensely at his computer screen, all he could think was, 'I'm so lucky to find this video.'"

"I was lying on my bed, feeling sleepy but not quite ready to sleep, so I started browsing YouTube. Suddenly, a video caught my eye. I thought to myself, 'Great, another boring video to help me fall asleep.' I clicked on it, expecting to drift off. But as I watched, I found myself becoming less sleepy and sitting up in my bed. It was like discovering a whole new world. I never imagined I'd have such an Aha moment tonight."

"As I sat on my couch and scrolled on my YouTube home feed, I saw the title of this video. I thought 'great, another promise on getting better at storytelling that will likely simply focus on why storytelling is important.' After all, every single book I’ve read on the matter so far has disappointed me in this way. Imagine my surprise when as I kept watching, I felt the eyes in my mind clearing up, catching more light, the light of insight. This video over delivered, and for that, I am grateful."

You can follow Philipp Humm on YouTube for more storytelling tips.

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Pets

Dogs are listening in on your conversations more than you might think, according to research

Did someone say pizza?

en.m.wikipedia.org

A dog listens to a phonograph.

We know that, adorably, dogs actually love baby talk. And now, a new study suggests that they might be able to pick out words, even when we're not talking directly to them in a sing-songy way.

So let's say you're speaking to your roommate: "Hey, make sure to pick up a pizza on the way home. I'd do it, but I have to walk Fido before we go to the vet." Chances are, even though Fido isn't being directly engaged, he recognizes keywords. Home. Fido. Walk. Vet. Maybe if Fido is sophisticated, he knows the word pizza. (And if Fido is super sophisticated, he knows the words Meat Lovers with extra cheese.)

dog, pizza, understanding our speech A dog spots a slice of pizza.commons.wikimedia.org

The research, published in the journal Animal Cognition, found that dogs indeed can sometimes translate our language. To test this out, "Dogs were played recordings of their owners reading a meaningless text which included a short meaningful or meaningless phrase, either read with unchanged reading prosody or with an exaggerated DDS prosody." In layman's terms, different levels of enthusiasm and intonations were used by owners when reading to their dogs.

Many have joked for ages that dogs only hear word salads when humans are talking. But this just isn't true.

- YouTube, @FrenchieFlixwww.youtube.com

In Joshua Askew's piece "Dogs 'eavesdrop' on humans" for BBC News, he writes, "Dogs have the neurological capacity to pick out information relevant to them when hearing humans talking." He cites the study, which was led by David Reby, professor at the University of Sussex, who wrote, "Our research shows that dogs are able to pick out and recognize words relevant to them in a monotonous stream of otherwise irrelevant speech, even in the absence of the intonation cues we usually use to engage them."

Askew also references another researcher who worked on the study—Dr. Holly Root-Gutteridge, a postdoctoral research fellow at the University of Lincoln. She makes the distinction that they specifically address the difference between dogs hearing a happy, high-pitched voice, as is common in baby talk, from regular speech. Dogs do perk up when they hear "good dog," but that's usually because it's in an exaggerated tone.

She concluded, "The results show just how good dogs are at listening to us and how much they understand of what we say."

Just over 50 big and small breeds, "from Dachshunds to St. Bernards," were part of this research, with more hopefully on the way. One focus will be whether or not wolves and other non-domesticated animals have this capability, as well. Furthermore, Askew notes, "Researchers say they plan to test the age that puppies become responsive to human speech."

Confused Wolf GIFGiphy

X user @MarioNawfal posted the study and garnered a few adorable reactions. One asks, "What if—all dogs are actually spies and are reporting info to their government, so they can plan to take over the world?"

Others seem annoyed that extensive research is being done to reach such an obvious conclusion. Says another, "Dog owners everywhere already know this. That is why we spell or use code words or avoid certain words unless said with the intent to communicate with the dogs."

dog puppy GIF by TraceLoopsGiphy

This commenter gives an example: "My old roommate, to me: '[So&so] is coming over!' —We would immediately hear a jingle of the dog's collar, we look over, and the dog's ears are now perked up."

And this is just truth: "Well duh. Mine is always listening. He could hear his name whispered from a different floor."

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dog

Joy

Single guy asks married men their biggest marriage regrets and they delivered

"We tend to take our spouse for granted once we get married. Continue to invest your time in her."

Photo credit: Canva

Man asks married men their biggest marriage regret, they deliver.

Marriage is a big step in a relationship. It's something that people think about from the time they can grasp the concept of relationships. When you factor that in with the high divorce rate, it makes sense that people want to ensure they're getting it right before taking the leap.

Typically, people ask their close inner circle for relationship advice. Leaning on people like their parents, siblings or friends who have been married to fill in the gaps of knowledge. However, with the world becoming smaller than ever due to social media, it takes little effort to gather collective knowledge from thousands of people within your target audience.

Surprisingly, people are pretty forthcoming to strangers on the internet looking for support and help. One man who goes by the name King Boiza decided to ask his internet advisors, "Married men, what is your greatest regret about marriage? Advise the single boys. It could be about anything." The married men didn't hesitate to answer the call in the most genuinely wholesome way.

divorce, marriage, biggest marriage regret, reasons for divorce, married couple, married man, marriage A happily married couple.via Canva/Photos

Gleaning collective wisdom from those more experienced than you is a common practice, but being able to do it in such a significant way is relatively new. Different life experiences lead to different perspectives that can be invaluable to someone still learning.

The advice provided ranged from warnings to what could be seen as universal truths about marriage.

"Your wife becomes the words you speak upon her, I regret not speaking life and good upon her," one man shares.

"In times of trouble, remember...It's not you against her but the both of you, against the problem...," someone writes.

"Listen when she speaks from the heart, once she feels unheard, she will be closed off for a long time if not forever," another advises.

"Not all women age gracefully with all their good looks and physique. Marry her for more reasons beyond her body and beauty. Seek a FOREVER," one commenter says.

"The grass is NEVER greener on the other side. NEVER," a man wrote.

"Don’t let the family you come from destroy the family you create," a commenter added.

"Be the partner you're looking for!" a man wrote.

"The goal in marriage is not to think alike, but to think together," a married man wrote.

"Remember that you are not married to your idea of your wife but to who your wife is. Love her for who is she is not who you want her to be," one man commented.

"No regrets, just advice I’ve adhered to for 15+years of marriage. Lead by example. Create the emotional space for her that you want mirrored. Set boundaries and always keep your word above all else!" a commenter wrote.

"Sometimes all you have to do is listen to her," a man wrote.

divorce, marriage, biggest marriage regret, reasons for divorce, wedding, pastor, reverend, marriage vows A couple getting married.via Canva/Photos

Forbes reports that 43% of first marriages end in divorce with the number significantly increasing with each subsequent marriage. Finding out the regrets, struggles and triumphs of other marriages may help others feel more prepared to commit to marriage with a bit of a roadmap laid in front of them.

It's clear from the comments under the post that marriage takes work and while some of the men admittedly misstepped, they seem eager to share with others so they avoid the same mistakes.

"My biggest regret in marriage was to cheat, and I'm telling you...my wife was never the same...so my advice is never cheat, never ever," one guy confesses.

divorce, marriage, biggest marriage regret, reasons for divorce, marriage advice, single men, marriage questions Kingboiza asks men about marriage.www.tiktok.com

"We tend to take our spouse for granted once we get married. Continue to invest your time in her. You won't regret it and she'll know that you really see her," one man shares.

But it wasn't only men who dropped by the comment section. Women stopped to share their appreciation for the wisdom being left for all to see.

"After reading this comment section, my faith in the institution of marriage is restored. Relationships are not perfect, but we gotta try with people who want to try," one woman writes.

"I don't know why I'm crying...I guess I never knew men like these existed...Your wives must be blessed," another woman shares.

If you need a dose of healthy masculinity and wholesome advice for lasting partnerships, look no further than that comment section. They're saving some future couple from heartache by simply showing up to answer a stranger's question on the internet.

This article originally appeared last year.

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Pop Culture

My Gen Z kids see periods in my texts as 'aggressive.' No. They're not. Full stop. The end.

This is one Gen X hill I am willing to die on.

Photo credit: Canva

If you want to freak out a Gen Zer, put a period at the end of a text message.

As a Gen X mom of three Gen Z kids in their teens and 20s, there's a lot that I'm willing to concede and even celebrate when it comes to the gap in our generations. I love Gen Z's global consciousness, their openness about mental health, their focus on inclusivity, and their insistence on wearing comfortable shoes with formal wear. But there's one Gen Z feature that I simply cannot abide, and that is the weaponization of basic punctuation.

"It freaks me out when you say 'yes period' in a text," my high schooler told me one day. "It feels so aggressive, like I feel like I'm in trouble or something." I stared at him incredulously as my 20-year-old laughed but then agreed with him. "It does! The period makes it feel like you're mad," she said.

Ah yes, the period, the punctuation mark famous for its aggressive connotation. Far from being a mere generational quirk, this misinterpreting of benign text messages as aggressive or angry could result in serious communication breakdowns. Talking by text is already hard enough, and now we're adding a layer of meaning that older folks don't have a clue about?

text screenshot A Gen X text convo with Gen ZPhoto credit: Annie Reneau

The kids are serious about this, though. According to Gen Zers, pretty much any time someone puts a period at the end of a text, it means they're mad or irritated. At the risk of sounding like a dinosaur, I'd like to point out that reading into periods in texts like this is just silly. It's silly when the young folks do it with each other, but it's extra silly when they do it with adults who didn't grow up with texting and have ingrained grammatical habits that aren't easy to shake. (And frankly, some of us don't want to shake—I'm a former English teacher, for crying out loud.)

In no reasonable world can "Yes." be automatically viewed as aggressive. It's just not. Neither is "Time to get off the computer." Neither is "Got it." Or "OK." or "Sure." I understand that texting conventions have evolved such that end punctuation isn't necessary, but when did we start assigning negative intentions to very basic punctuation? I mean, if I wanted to be aggressive, I'd text, "HEY—time to GET OFF the COMPUTER!" A period should not be read as anything more than a matter-of-fact, neutral-toned statement. We have other tools for conveying tone in writing—capital letters, italics, bold, exclamation points, and now a whole slew of emojis. A period is and has always been neutral. That's literally the entire point of a period.

I'm even willing to give Gen Z an inch on the thumbs-up emoji—they think that's aggressive, too—only because emojis are new and their meanings are up for interpretation. But a period? Not budging. That little dot has been signaling the end of people's thoughts for centuries. Periods can and do sometimes affect tone in subtle ways—"No, I didn't," hits slightly differently than "No. I didn't."—but their basic inclusion at the end of a thought in no way signals aggression or anger, by text or otherwise. Not on Gen X's watch, at least. This is one generational hill I am willing to die on.

Oh Yeah Mic Drop GIF by Taylor BisciottiGiphy

These unwritten rules of texting seem to have been concocted by Gen Z, but when? And how? Who decides these things? Is there a group of super powerful and influential young adults who put out a bat signal at some point saying that periods are symbols of aggression? If the young folks want to play the reading-into-basic-punctuation game amongst themselves, making communication much more complicated for themselves, have at it. But please don't ascribe intent to us old fogies who've had "declarative statements end in periods" ingrained in us since elementary school.

Texting wasn't always like this. When texting first became a thing, using periods in them was pretty normal. As more and more people started dropping them (and capitalization—another deep English teacher wound), I held firm to their usage, mostly out of habit and feeling like my texts were incomplete without them. As my kids got old enough to text and informed me that periods are viewed by their age group as aggressive, I reconsidered. Should I stop using them, giving in to the tyranny of Gen Z's overthinking? Should I keep using them, embracing the fact that I'm old and set in my ways?

Ultimately, I landed on sometimes using periods in texts and sometimes not—a compromise between my own rigid grammar rules and Gen Z's seemingly senseless texting rules. Except only using them sometimes just confuses my kids even more, which is hilarious. Is Mom mad? Is she not? My daughter said she just has to remind herself who is texting, knowing that I—and most of my generation—simply don't use periods aggressively.

Nope. Not happening. Not ever. Period.

This article originally appeared in February.

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generation gap

Mental Health

Guy's brutally honest breakup text goes viral and reminds everyone that 'ghosting' isn't cool

This is the ideal example of how to let someone down easy.

via Shuttershock

Ghosting just isn't okay.

All too often, people leave a date with no idea how the other person feels about them. And if you're not into the other person, it can be stressful trying to gauge how they feel about the situation and ultimately what you should do moving forward.

Should you go ahead and have another date to see if something blossoms? Will it come across as presumptuous to let them down? If they're not into you either, will they make you feel stupid for laying out the reasons you don't want to go out again? Or is it leading someone on to stay mum about the lack of connection?

While there's no easy way to navigate letting a date down, avoiding these awkward conversations oftentimes results in the awful trend of ghosting, which leaves one person completely in the emotional lurch.

Ghosting may sound harmless at first, but it's actually a harmful (and totally lame) way to treat another person. It's especially gross when you consider that this other person is someone you invested time in and who invested time in you. Even if there was no spark or connection on one end, ghosting is essentially like throwing the other person away and acting as if they don't matter. There are many reasons why someone might ghost, but when you poke at them enough, they really don't hold any water. In an article for Psychology Today, Janneke M. Schokkenbroek, Ph.D., gives several reasons for why people ghost. Number one? Convenience.

ghosting, ghosted, dating, relationships, communication I Love You Lol GIF by LifetimeGiphy

Sure, it may be convenient to walk away from a situation and pretend it no longer exists, but this bit of convenience can be extremely damaging for the person on the receiving end. In fact, a lot of research has come out in the last several years outlining the harmful affects of ghosting on the mental health of both parties. Unfortunately, since ghosting is so common, it's rare to see healthy emotional rejection modeled online. In 2019, though, Reddit user karmabandido's shared a breakup text he sent to his date that quickly went viral for its honesty and clarity.

text, honesty, ghosting, dating, relationships A masterclass is classy dating.Via Reddit

This is an ideal example of how to let someone down easy. He was polite, respectful, and transparent about how feelings, wants, and needs. He didn't ghost her—but he also didn't mince words about the lack of connection.

In return, she was able to reveal that she felt the same way and they were able to avoid further awkward interactions without negging or having to resort to ghosting.

Bottom line: ghosting isn't nice and it isn't cool. Instead, be honest, open, and respectful because it treats other people with dignity. It may be hard, but kindly and clearly saying how you feel is the right thing to do, people appreciate it, and it goes a long way.

modern dating, dating, ghost, ghosting, ghosted, communication A little respect goes a long way.Image via Canva

This article was originally published six years ago. It has been updated.

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