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communication

A dog listens to a phonograph.

We know that, adorably, dogs actually love baby talk. And now, a new study suggests that they might be able to pick out words, even when we're not talking directly to them in a sing-songy way.

So let's say you're speaking to your roommate: "Hey, make sure to pick up a pizza on the way home. I'd do it, but I have to walk Fido before we go to the vet." Chances are, even though Fido isn't being directly engaged, he recognizes keywords. Home. Fido. Walk. Vet. Maybe if Fido is sophisticated, he knows the word pizza. (And if Fido is super sophisticated, he knows the words Meat Lovers with extra cheese.)

dog, pizza, understanding our speechA dog spots a slice of pizza.commons.wikimedia.org

The research, published in the journal Animal Cognition, found that dogs indeed can sometimes translate our language. To test this out, "Dogs were played recordings of their owners reading a meaningless text which included a short meaningful or meaningless phrase, either read with unchanged reading prosody or with an exaggerated DDS prosody." In layman's terms, different levels of enthusiasm and intonations were used by owners when reading to their dogs.

Many have joked for ages that dogs only hear word salads when humans are talking. But this just isn't true.

- YouTube, @FrenchieFlixwww.youtube.com

In Joshua Askew's piece "Dogs 'eavesdrop' on humans" for BBC News, he writes, "Dogs have the neurological capacity to pick out information relevant to them when hearing humans talking." He cites the study, which was led by David Reby, professor at the University of Sussex, who wrote, "Our research shows that dogs are able to pick out and recognize words relevant to them in a monotonous stream of otherwise irrelevant speech, even in the absence of the intonation cues we usually use to engage them."

Askew also references another researcher who worked on the study—Dr. Holly Root-Gutteridge, a postdoctoral research fellow at the University of Lincoln. She makes the distinction that they specifically address the difference between dogs hearing a happy, high-pitched voice, as is common in baby talk, from regular speech. Dogs do perk up when they hear "good dog," but that's usually because it's in an exaggerated tone.

She concluded, "The results show just how good dogs are at listening to us and how much they understand of what we say."

Just over 50 big and small breeds, "from Dachshunds to St. Bernards," were part of this research, with more hopefully on the way. One focus will be whether or not wolves and other non-domesticated animals have this capability, as well. Furthermore, Askew notes, "Researchers say they plan to test the age that puppies become responsive to human speech."

Confused Wolf GIFGiphy

X user @MarioNawfal posted the study and garnered a few adorable reactions. One asks, "What if—all dogs are actually spies and are reporting info to their government, so they can plan to take over the world?"

Others seem annoyed that extensive research is being done to reach such an obvious conclusion. Says another, "Dog owners everywhere already know this. That is why we spell or use code words or avoid certain words unless said with the intent to communicate with the dogs."

dog puppy GIF by TraceLoopsGiphy

This commenter gives an example: "My old roommate, to me: '[So&so] is coming over!' —We would immediately hear a jingle of the dog's collar, we look over, and the dog's ears are now perked up."

And this is just truth: "Well duh. Mine is always listening. He could hear his name whispered from a different floor."

Two men chatting over a beer.

Men sometimes get labeled as more likely to keep secrets for selfish, manipulative purposes. But on the other end of the spectrum, men might keep certain things to themselves due to the pressure of gender norms: wanting to hide insecurities to appear strong for their families, hoping to shield their partners from hurt, not feeling safe to show emotion, and so on.

A Reddit user recently asked: “What, if anything, are you unable or unwilling to share fully openly and honestly about yourself with your spouse?” and the answers are a prime example of this.

These long kept secrets—some hilarious, others heartbreaking—are a rare, candid glimpse into exactly what many men feel compelled to keep bottled up inside.

Check them out:

“I keep the ceiling fan on at night because she farts in her sleep and it's so bad it wakes me up.” —JackassWhisperer

"When I go grocery shopping, i often buy a fresh rotisserie chicken thigh for myself, and wolf it down on a parkbench on my way home like a homeless caveman. I have no idea why, but it's my little me-time ritual." —Sternsson

"My self-doubt is something I conceal. I strive to be her rock and revealing my vulnerabilities seems counterproductive." -AdhesivenessGlass978

"When she asks to go out with her girlfriends or away on an overnight with some friends, she thinks I’m upset I’m not included. In reality, I’m praising the lord for a day or two alone." —Bobo_Baggins03x

man, relaxing, spouse, alone, alone timeAlone time.Giphy

"While I love my spouse deeply, I struggle to fully share my childhood traumas. The memories are painful and sometimes I feel like shielding her from that darkness." —Slight_Policy3133

"My child (18 months) is legitimately well behaved, compliant, and enjoyable to be around when she’s not in the home and it’s just he and I. When she’s around he’s combative, whiney, rude, and a little terror." —D00deitstyler

"Deep down, I really just want to be lazy. I don’t want to go to work, or cook that much, or change the bedding every week, or find part time income streams… Like, in my heart, I just want to lounge about, get a bit drunk and read books or watch youtube videos. I do as much as possible so that she’s comfortable and happy but don’t want to admit that I don’t really WANT to do anything useful." —LeutzschAKS

"The sheer amount of stress I'm under. I do share, but I can't articulate how bad it is." —Herald_of_dooom

“Sometimes the things she says to me in arguments break my heart.” —justVinnyZee

argument, couple fighting, spouse, heartbreak, secretHarsh words create distance. Image via Canva

"I served in Iraq and lost my leg. As a result I have severe PTSD…A couple of years after I got out I met my wife. She is an Iraqi Lady and has helped me through the best and worst times. She's given me beautiful children and a reason to carry on. However…her parents moved from Iraq before she was born. Every time I go to her parents house or there is a wedding on her side of the family I attend whilst suffering in silence. Sweaty palms, heart palpitations, shredding feeling where my leg was etc. It drove me to be extremely disrespectful by secretly carrying a hip flask with spirits and cocaine in as it just took the edge off and made it all manageable. Her parents are extremely religious and alcohol and drugs of any kind are heavily frowned upon and banned from the house. The worst is going to her parents house as so much of the decorations reminds me of the house I got dragged into after stepping on an IED. I keep this hidden because what can I do? Make her choose between family and me? Absolutely not. Prevent my kids from having grandparents and extended family? Absolutely not. My mental health and my foolish decisions at 16 are not going to be any form of potential wedge." —Greenlid_42

"That I sometimes buy $20 scratchers when I do the shopping and occasionally throw $60 at large Powerball/MegaMillions jackpots even tho I publicly say 'lotteries are a tax on people who are bad at math.' I do this because I like to dream of a day we don’t have to work and we can follow our passions." —wembley

"The fact that she wont let me put any of my hobby stuff (mostly miniatures and random knickknacks) in our shared spaces without it being in an approved location, meanwhile the entire house is her canvas for her aesthetic. Makes me feel really lonely and small sometimes and like she doesn't care. It's been a topic of conversation, she just doesn't get that delegating me a tiny shelf in her curio isn't the same as letting me actually decorate some." —Kimblethedwarf

“That she is bad at taking criticism, even about the most minor of things. And even saying so is itself a form of criticism she cannot handle. And this has very much hindered our ability to talk to each other.” —Aechzen

"I keep my regrets from her. I worry she’ll think less of me if she knew all my past mistakes." —Suspicious-Factor362

“Literally anything that isn't within the realm of her personal interests. Otherwise, she makes it clear that she's not really interested in what interests me. Sometimes I do, because I can't keep everything to myself forever, but it just feels like I'm a child bothering their parents talking about how cool their toys are.” —ChefBillyGoat

man, lonely, alone, communication, spouse, secretsFeeling lonely in a shared home. Image via Canva.

“I’m scared of not being able to provide a half decent life for her and my kids. Life’s getting so expensive and challenging.” —Arent_they_all

"Sometimes, the food she cooks isn't great. I will never tell her this because she goes out of her way to cook, and I'm not ungrateful. I can live with bad food that night over her getting upset." —CaptainAwesome0912

"That if I speak to her the same way she speaks to me she would probably spend her whole day in tears. It’s definitely a case of “familiarity breeds contempt” as she does not speak to any of her friends like this (who come over to help with furniture moving, for example), and occasionally it comes out with her family, but the unfettered torrent of complaints and abuse is reserved only for me, regardless of what I do. It’s like she looks for imperfections and mistakes just to point them out." —MusicusTitanicus

“How sad I am that my life isn't a grand adventure but a series of choices i made in order to be able to form and provide for a family…I know there's adventure and excitement to be had still, but I wanted to continue my family line. And dearly love my family. Anything available in that vein will come at cost to my wife and children. So I'm stuck playing rise through the ranks, build the better mouse trap and look good to the suites for another raise or step up the ladder. It's going well, but as it goes well it feels more hollow. I could become head honcho, or start my own enterprise and find massive success, it'd still all been to just provide. Collecting wealth is such a boring pursuit, I hate our society.” —BodyRevolutionary167

wealth, work, corporate, working, gaining wealth, statusBored Season 5 GIF by The OfficeGiphy

"I let the kids play Roblox beyond their allowed time." —chelhydra

"She's always in the way. If she's in the kitchen when I'm cooking, she's always standing in front of the next place I need to be. If I'm working outside, she's always in the next place I'm going to go. If I'm fixing something, she's always standing right in front of whatever I'm going to be working on next. If I'm trying to leave a room, she's always in the doorway. I realize she wants to spend time with me, but I really wish she'd just get out of the way when I'm doing something." —Lonecoon

"That when I’m not with her, I put ketchup on my hot dogs." —bipolarcyclops

The secrets shared here range from benign to heavy, silly to heartbreaking. Though it may be hard, studies do show that open, honest communication is vital to building a healthy relationship or marriage. In her 2021 TEDxTalk, award-winning communication strategist Sandy Gerber broke down how open, honest communication can lead to successful romantic relationships without secrets. Watch:

- YouTubewww.youtube.com


This article originally appeared last year.

Small talk can be painful, but the FORD method can help.

Some people enjoy small talk and are naturally good at it. For others, it feels like mental and emotional torture. There are many reasons why people are nervous about entering social situations where they have to make small talk, such as a work event, a party where they don’t know many people, or at school. Some people don’t enjoy small talk because they get frustrated talking about seemingly unimportant topics.

At the same time, others are shy and afraid they’ll say the wrong thing or run out of topics of conversation. Psychologists suggest those who are uncomfortable knowing what to say should use the FORD method of conversation starters. It’s an acronym that’s an easy way to remember four different topics of conversation that work with just about anyone.

According to Nicole Arzt, M.S., L.M.F.T at Social Self, the FORD acronym stands for Family, Occupation, Recreation and Dreams. Here are some examples of questions that fall under each category.

Family

Just about everyone has a family, so it’s a great way to ask someone to share some information about their personal lives without being too forward. Arzt suggests the following questions when making small talk:

family, small talk, ford methodYou can ask people about their parents, kids, siblings, grandparents, cousins, aunts and uncles, or just family in general.Photo credit: Canva

Do you have any siblings?

How did you two meet? (if you are meeting a couple for the first time)

How old is your child?

How is your____ (sister, brother, mother, etc.) doing since ____ (event that happened?)

Occupation

Just like a family, almost everyone has a job. Or, if they do not, that can be an interesting topic as well. Here are some starter questions you can ask someone about their job.

jobs, occupations, ford method, small talkeYou can take questions about someone's occupation beyond simply, "What do you do?"Photo credit: Canva

What do you do for a living?

How do you like working at _____?

What’s your favorite part of your job?

What made you interested in becoming a _____?

Recreation

You can learn a lot about a person after knowing how they spend their free time. It’s also an excellent way to determine if someone is like-minded and shares the same interests. Here are some questions to get the ball rolling:

hobbies, what do you do for fun, recreation, ford method, small talkPeople often love talking about what they do for enjoyment outside of work. Photo credit: Canva

What do you like to do for fun?

Have you watched (or read) ______(popular show/book)?

What are you up to this weekend?

Dreams

Learning someone’s hope for the future can tell you much about who they are on a deeper level. They may have just told you about their current job or how they spend their time. But, ultimately, what do they wish to do with their lives? Here’s how to ask someone about their dreams.

hopes and dreams, ford method, small talkeAsking people about their hopes and dreams can be a great way to make more meaningful small talk.Photo credit: Canva

Where do you hope to be working in the next few years?

Where would you like to travel?

What’s something you’d like to try in the future?

Would you ever consider trying _____ (particular hobby or activity)?

Arzt also notes that you shouldn’t just be an interviewer. You have to talk about yourself, too. In other words, you need a mutual take-and-give. “Pay attention to someone else's answers and think about how you can draw from your own experience to connect," she wrote. When you're feeling socially anxious, it can be hard to listen to the other person while also thinking about your own responses, so thinking of the FORD acronym for yourself and having something to share in each category ahead of time can be a way to avoid the dreaded awkward silence that sometimes happens during small talk.

It can also be tricky to know how much you should be talking vs. how much you should be listening. If you're not sure how much to say during a conversation, follow the 43:57 rule. A numbers guy at Gong.io analyzed over 25,000 sales calls with AI and found the perfect speaking-to-listening ratio. Sales soared when the salesperson talked 43% of the time and listened for 57%.

Even though this insight is from business calls, it applies to everyday social interactions. It's really about listening and making the other person feel special. After all, who doesn't love feeling heard and appreciated?

Small talk doesn't have to be torturous, even if it's something you don't look forward to. With a little preparation and some genuine curiosity, it might even become enjoyable as you make new connections with people.

This article originally appeared last year.

About a quarter of people with autism spectrum disorder (ASD) are nonverbal, and while that number seems high, there's been sharp decline from a generation ago when the number was closer to half.

This positive shift is due to an increase in studies on ASD which have resulted in more effective, therapeutic strategies. Children with ASD are often nonverbal, but many go onto acquire language skills. According to a 2013 study, up to 70% of nonverbal children become fluent speakers or can use simple phrases.

Having a child that is nonverbal or speech-delayed can be terribly frustrating because you want them to be able to clearly communicate how they're feeling emotionally and physically. It's also very hard to see them interact with other children without being able to express their full selves like everyone else. So, when a child with autism spectrum disorder makes their first language breakthrough it's a monumental moment for themselves and those close to them.

Photographer Haley McGuire shared her son Micah's wonderful achievement on TikTok in the Fall of 2020, and the inspiring video was favorited over 730,000 times. Today, the video, which stays pinned at the top of McGuire's TikTok page, has been shared nearly 30,000 times and still garners attention and delight from followers and viewers.

The first video she shared was of Micah repeating the names of his family members as they cheer in the background. Every time Micah gets a name right, he leaps in excitement and beams with pure pride.

@haley_mcguire

We love you, Micah 💙 #autisim #autistiktok #fyp #learningtospeak

Since the video was first recorded, Micah has shown no signs of slowing his progress.

"It's been a day and a half now, and everything we ask him to say, he's copying," McGuire told Newsweek.

"He's not going out of his way to say anything on his own, but he's literally copying everything we say, which is crazy because he wasn't talking at all," McGuire continued. "Every now and then, he'd blurt out a word. But when I say 'wasn't talking,' he would go weeks without saying anything. This is crazy. He's been doing great."

The video of Micah repeating the names of his family members was followed up by a new recording where he says his name for the first time that received over 2 million favorites.

@haley_mcguire

Micah 💙 #autisim #speak #ohio #words #proudparents

McGuire says Micah is a very loving child and it's easy to see on the videos.

"Micah has always been a really sweet, tender-hearted, quiet kid," she said. "Obviously, he doesn't talk, but he kind of keeps to himself. He's always been extremely loving. I know that that's not necessarily normal for kids with autism. They like to not be touched and they like to be alone. But he's very affectionate and loving. It's been easy for us to be so happy and encouraging with him."

The videos have warmed a lot of people's hearts online and have been source of inspiration for the McGuire family. But, maybe the best part about the videos is they also give hope to families of children with an autism spectrum disorder, especially those who long for the day they can hear their child first speak.

Nearly five years later, Micah's progress is still going strong. Today, the McGuire family is on a journey to help Micah learn to spell, buoyed by the 2023 documentary, Spellers, inspired by the 2021 book Underestimated: An Autism Miracle (Children's Health Defense) by J.B. Handley and Jamison Handley.

Both the book and film challenge assumptions by "experts" about non-speakers with autism, namely that they're cognitively disabled. McGuire has shared clips of the documentary on her TikTok and has even begun teaching Micah S2C or "spelling to communicate." The method is an augmentative and alternative communication (AAC) designed to help people with autism who also have limited or no verbal abilities to communicate. S2C claims to provide non-speakers with a way to express their thoughts, needs, and feelings through spelling using a letter board or keyboard.

Watch Micah during a lesson:

@haley_mcguire

Learning this new process together #spellingtocommunicate #s2c #spellers #autismawareness #nonverbal

Already, he's moving along wonderfully and making progress.


@haley_mcguire

Working on longer pokes, less prompts and working not to “scroll” as much on his way to the correct letter, or touches the outside letters before hitting the correct one. (This is training him to use his AAC fluently, eventually, for open communication. We still work with AAC and SLP, please don’t continue to tell me what I am already aware of.)

The McGuire's advocacy for this communication method is providing hope, inspiration, and awareness for other families on the same journey. Keep up the good work, Micah!

This article originally appeared five years ago.