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Chaplain who comforted thousands of dying people reveals their most common regret

It's a great lesson that we could all learn from.

via Tampa General Hospital and Canva/Photos

Chaplain J.S. Park and a man on his deathbed.

The regrets of the dying are tragedies for those who are leaving this world. However, for the living, they can be valuable lessons on how to live a happy and meaningful life that benefits others. That way, when we reach the end, we can do so peacefully, knowing that we got the most out of this one lifetime.

Joon Park, who goes by J.S. Park on social media, is a chaplain at Tampa General Hospital who describes himself as a “grief catcher” and is the author of “As Long as You Need: Permission to Grieve.” He has sat at the bedsides of thousands of people who are in the process of passing away, and that’s given him a very unique perspective on life. He knows the greatest gift to give to the dying is listening so they can feel heard before they leave this world.

What’s the biggest regret of the dying?

He told CNN that in his conversations with the dying, there is one regret that he hears the most: “I only did what everyone else wanted, not what I wanted.”

“Many of us near the end realize we were not able to fully be ourselves in life – we had to hide to survive,” he continued. “It was not always our fault. Sometimes, our resources, the systems, and culture around us did not allow us to. My hope is always to fully see and hear this patient, who is now finally free. ”

dying, hospice, j.s. parkA man in the final moments of his life.via Canva/Photos

It must feel terrible to walk through life feeling like a square peg in a round hole, having a job you don’t like, a spouse who doesn’t understand you, or having to live up to standards that you didn’t create. It’s upsetting that many people experience this, and Park’s advice reminds us to ask ourselves a serious question: Am I living my life or the life someone else has chosen for me?

Park said that people's most common fear towards the end of their lives is whether their loved ones will be okay after they’re gone.

“Will my loved ones be OK without me? Who will look after Mom? Who will take my dad to the doctor? How will my son and daughter get along without me? Even my patients who are most at peace with their dying are still anxious about how their own death will affect their family,” he says. The fear shows that even when people are ready to leave this world, they never stop caring for those closest to them.

“This is almost an empathic anticipatory grief, experiencing the grief of the other person’s future loss. We are so connected that often we worry about how other people will be affected by our own death,” Park said.


How to know if you're living your own life

How do we know if we are living our own life and not that of others? It’s a big question, but according to Follow Your Own Rythm, a great place to start is to stop letting fear or society’s expectations dictate your path. Instead, express yourself freely, follow your passions, live by your core values, and spend time with yourself, touching base with your thoughts and feelings. You’ll know you’re living your life when it begins to feel more harmonious and authentic.

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Wellness

Get a better night's sleep with these 10 products

Photo by Jonathan Fink on Unsplash

If you've ever lain in bed awake when you should be sleeping, staring at the ceiling counting the minutes of your life tick away, you know how annoying insomnia can be. Sleep is a basic biological need, but one that eludes far too many of us far too often. In fact, according to the CDC, one in three adult Americans don't get enough sleep. Since our bodies need sleep in order to repair, restore, and rejuvenate, getting a good night's rest should be a top priority for all of us.

Sleep experts recommend keeping a regular bedtime routine and creating sleep-conducive environment to help your senses shut down at night. Here are some products that can help.

Concave molded sleep mask

MZOO/Amazon

Our bodies are wired to be awake when it's light and sleep when it's dark, but that doesn't always happen automatically. Some people need absolute darkness to sleep, and a comfortable sleep mask can make that happen, even when there's some light in the room. A mask also forces you to keep your eyes closed, but this one leaves room for your eyelashes so you don't feel like your eyelids are being squashed to your face.

MZOO Sleep Mask, $16.99; at Amazon

Portable blackout shades

AmazonBasics/Amazon

There are plenty of blackout curtain options for your home, but what about when you're traveling? Sleeping away from home can be difficult, but bringing along your own portable blackout curtains may help. Simply suction cup them to the window and voila! Dark room. (Don't let the fact that these say they are for a baby deter you — they're less expensive than the best-rated non-baby version.)

https://amzn.to/2pTwaEu


Non-digital, non-ticking alarm clock

Tinload/Amazon

Modern life, with all of its lights and digital displays, can disrupt our sleep in many ways. If you're someone who tends look at the clock and calculate how much sleep you're not getting, perhaps an old-fashioned, analog alarm clock will help. This non-ticking clock can help keep your room completely dark and keep you from obsessing over the time.

Silent Analog Alarm Clock, $17.99; at Amazon

White noise maker

Adaptive Sound Technologies/Amazon

A quiet room is recommended for a good night's sleep, but that's not possible for some of us. If you live on a busy street or have loud roommates or regularly get woken up by your cats' midnight shenanigans, a white noise maker might be your best bet. Getting just the right white noise sound without annoying your ears can be a challenge, but with 20 different sounds to choose from and more than 4,000 5-star reviews, this white noise machine seems like a sure bet.

'LectroFan White Noise Machine, $38.96; at Amazon

Noise-canceling ear plugs

BRYSON/Amazon

If white noise isn't your thing, noise-canceling ear plugs might be your ticket to lalaland. This set comes with two pairs of ergonomic, washable, and reusable ear plugs, one with a noise-cancelling feature. One reviewer said that they perform as well as a $300 pair they own, so if sound keeps you up at night, these are worth a try.

Noise-cancelling Ear Plugs, $22.99; at Amazon

Orthopedic knee pillow

ComfiLife/Amazon

Aches and pains keeping you awake at night? According to a 2015 study, knee and low back pains are associated with short sleep duration and poor sleep quality. Sciatica also affects millions of people, making it hard to get comfortable enough to snooze. If you're a side-sleeper, this little knee pillow might help you get your hips and knees aligned for a better night's sleep.

Orthopedic Knee Pillow, $27.95; at Amazon

Cooling mattress pad

oaksys/Amazon

Sleep experts recommend keeping your bedroom at a cool temperature to sleep, but that's not always possible. And some of us are hot sleepers no matter what temperature the room is. This 100% cotton cooling mattress pad is breathable and doesn't trap your body heat beneath you.

Cooling Mattress Pad, $39.95 (queen size); at Amazon

Weighted blanket

Bare Home/Amazon

If anxiety keeps you awake at night, you might want to try sleeping with a weighted blanket. Many people swear by them, both for adults and for children, and their popularity has resulted in an explosion of styles — and thankfully, a significant drop in price. Several years ago, an adult weighted blanket would run you between $100 and $200, but this highly rated blanket comes in several sizes that are less than $50.

Weighted Blanket, $46.40 (prizes vary by size); at Amazon

Magnesium oil blend spray



Seven Minerals/Amazon

Read the reviews from the dozens of chronic insomniacs who swear this spray worked wonders for them. Magnesium has been shown to have a positive impact on sleep, especially for those who suffer from restless leg syndrome. And the manufacturer offers a full refund if you find that the product doesn't work on you, so what have you got to lose?

Sleep Well Magnesium Spray, $19.95; at Amazon

Good night essential oil

Edens Garden/Amazon

If aromatherapy floats your boat, check out this blend of Lavender, Sweet Marjoram, Chamomile, Bergamot, Ylang Ylang, Sandalwood, Key Lime, Lime, and Vanilla essential oils. With more than 1000 five-star reviews,Edens Garden Good Night aromatherapy oil is worth a try. Some people spritz a bit on their pillow, while others use it in an oil diffuser while they sleep. One reviewer wrote, "Better than any sleep aid I've tried, and I've tried them all."

Good Night Essential Oil Blend, $15.45 for 10ml; at Amazon

Here's to a better night's sleep for everyone.

*Upworthy may earn a portion of sales revenue from purchases made through affiliate links on our site.

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Heroes

The 'best weatherman ever' became an internet hero after this viral Hurricane Irma report.

When Hurricane Irma approached the southeastern United States, there was a lot of doom and gloom going around.

The grave warnings of potential devastation and the wreckage the storm left in its wake were everywhere.

But for all the (perhaps rightfully) sensational coverage, there was little talk of the actual storm itself: where exactly Irma would make landfall, how strong it might be when it hit, and how the projections were changing on a minute-by-minute basis.

That's where local Mobile, Alabama TV weatherman Alan Sealls came in.

Sealls delivered a thorough and remarkably calm breakdown of the latest Irma models. For many on the internet, it was a much needed breath of fresh air.

"The models don't control the weather," he explained patiently to viewers. "That's the attempt to keep up with what's going on, calculate, and regenerate another projection."

In thorough yet simple terms, Sealls aggregated and explained each of the main models, or projections, of where Irma might go.

[rebelmouse-image 19531920 dam="1" original_size="617x327" caption="His gesturing was on point too. GIF via WKRG/YouTube" expand=1]His gesturing was on point too. GIF via WKRG/YouTube

"The storm itself hasn't really changed what it's doing," he said. "What's changed is our day-to-day assessment and projection."

The clip quickly spread far beyond Mobile. It made its way onto the front page of Reddit with the headline, "best weatherman ever."

An overnight hero, Sealls suddenly had a fan club millions strong. But why?

In what became a defining moment during the aftermath of Hurricane Harvey, a distraught mother tore into a CNN reporter for sticking a microphone in her face during the most traumatic moment of her life. People online rallied behind the mom, and it became clear we were all hungry for a different kind of storm coverage.

Seall's report, while seemingly straightforward, was exactly what many people needed to hear.

Hurricane Irma was one of the strongest and most ominous storms we've seen. Anyone in the affected areas needed to take it extremely seriously.

But it's still inspiring to see millions of people (the clip on YouTube has over 3 million views as of this writing) coming together in appreciation of science and just-the-facts reporting.

Sealls is right — we can't control the weather. Sometimes when things are out of our hands, though, having a friendly expert with a soothing demeanor just level with you is the most comforting thing there is.

You can watch Sealls' full, viral, and incredibly educational weather report right here:

This post was updated 12/07/2017.

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Why paws and whiskers can be the best therapy for people in need of TLC.

True
State Farm

It was Christmas 1994 when Scarlet Ross and her 10-year-old son went to get photos of their cat and dog with Santa.

Getting a dog — let alone a cat — to cooperate for such a photo op might be tough.

Not for these pets. Neither one seemed fazed by being held by a bearded stranger in a bright red suit.

Scarlet's dog, Tyler, with Santa. Image via Scarlet Ross, used with permission.

Amazed by their calmness, someone approached Scarlet and asked her if she would be interested in getting her animals involved with a new animal therapy group: the Human Animal Bond (HAB).

After all, the stranger explained, if her animals were so even-tempered with Santa, they’d probably make great therapy animals.

Scarlet was immediately intrigued.

She decided to leave the cat at home, but she took her sheltie to Fort Leavenworth, Kansas, to see if he was a good fit. He passed with flying colors, and "That’s just how I got involved," she says. She remains a volunteer with HAB to this day.

Scarlet and Tyler visiting a nursing home resident 20 years ago. Image via Scarlet Ross, used with permission.

The volunteer-run organization was started by the U.S. Military Veterinary Services because they know how strong the bond between humans and animals can be.

The military veterinary services "felt that animals had a particular benefit to army families because of all the moving," explains Ruie Gibson, a long-time HAB board member and volunteer.

Snickers, a greyhound HAB therapy dog, at HAB's annual picnic. Image by Tammy Patton, used with permission.

Not to be confused with service dogs, therapy dogs can provide comfort and support to those who need it. And there is science to back it up.

Psychologists, psychiatrists, and doctors have used, and continue to use, therapy dogs with patients because they have found they can help reduce feelings of depression.

Studies have also shown that simply petting dogs can help lower people’s heart rates and reduce stress and anxiety.

The military wrote a regulation, and the animal therapy group Human Animal Bond was born to help provide this service to those in need of comfort and support.

Families that are interested in being a part of HAB can sign up their dogs, cats, and even rabbits to be therapy pets.

HAB volunteer Erika Chester and her cat, Mia. Image via HAB, used with permission.

If these animals pass the temperament test, they can join the HAB network with their family.

"I would say that 99% of the time, the people who come to us and who want to do this, or think that their pet would be good at this, pass the temperament test no problem," Ruie says. "They wouldn’t even consider it if they didn’t think their dog would like it."

Once they’re members, the families take a special training session once a year — which, Ruie says, is actually more for the owners than the dogs.

After that, the volunteers and their therapy pets sign up for and attend as many HAB events as they can with their schedules.

Two volunteers and their HAB therapy dogs at the annual Veterans Day Parade. Image via HAB, used with permission.

Sometimes the HAB therapy pets go to schools and libraries to meet students.

They even help kids who are having trouble reading practice doing it aloud.

Cobalt, a beagle mix, visits a teacher and her classroom in Leavenworth. Image via HAB, used with permission.

Other times, the pets visit nursing homes, elderly care facilities, or rehab facilities.

Goose, an HAB therapy dog, visiting a rehab facility.  Image via HAB, used with permission.

They also go to a minimum security correctional facility on the military base to visit nonviolent offenders.

"That’s a very popular program," Ruie says, adding that there is always a waiting list of inmates wanting to see the dogs.

Scarlet has now been an active volunteer with HAB for the last 23 years and has had several of her dogs join the program.

"It is very important to me," she says. "It’s very rewarding to see the joy of it."

"A couple of years ago, I had a dog that was blind, deaf, and incontinent, and we would go to the nursing home and talk about that," Scarlet remembers.

Scarlet's dog Aunt Bea was a regular visitor at the local nursing home. Image via Scarlet Ross, used with permission.

This dog, named Aunt Bea, was 12 or 13 when Scarlet adopted her, and she was also missing her teeth. When she went to the nursing home to visit, Aunt Bea "had to wear her Depends," Scarlet continues, but "many of the residents related to her health condition. ... They really enjoyed meeting her."

Today, Scarlet's two dogs — a rescued golden retriever named Josie and a wild-haired shih tzu named Phyllis Diller — are both in the program.

Scarlet and Josie, an HAB therapy dog. Image via Scarlet Ross, used with permission.

"I love sharing my animals with these people that have had animals in the past and can’t have them now," she says. "They get to hug them, they pet them, and I take photos of them with my pet and give it to them so they can have it."

That's why she particularly loves visiting the nursing homes with her dogs.

Tyler with a nursing home resident at Christmas. Image via Scarlet Ross, used with permission.

"So many need a special touch or hug that they used to get," she says.

Being involved with HAB has also helped make Scarlet feel closer to her animals too.

"I love all of my dogs, however, with my therapy dogs there is a special bond and closeness," she explains. "When you work with them like that, that’s a special connection."  

Scarlet's shih tzu, Phyllis Diller, is also a hit at senior facilities because her crazy hair makes them laugh. Image via Scarlet Ross, used with permission.

Whether it's visiting the elderly or helping kids practice reading, it's clear that HAB has been making a difference in people’s lives.

All animal lovers understand the joy their pets can bring. But sharing that joy is a step beyond.

HAB therapy dogs and member families at their 2017 annual picnic. Image via Tammy Patton, used with permission.

All it takes is one visit at a school or nursing home to know your therapy dog is making a difference, Ruie says. "Sometimes they might not even want to touch the dog, but just being in the presence, it’s amazing what a difference it can make."

HAB dog Zorro and Maj. D. Thomas at the Munson Army Health Center. Image via HAB, used with permission.

"You might not know that it raises someone’s mood right away, but after you talk to a nurse, you find out that this patient hadn’t talked all day until they saw the dog."

"It’s amazing the things that do happen in their presence," she adds, "I don’t know how long it stays that way, but at least for a short time, they feel better."

If you think your pet would make a good therapy pet and you live in the Fort Leavenworth area, check out their website for ways to get involved as a volunteer.

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