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Joy

A Canadian shelter sells older cats like used cars, and it's pretty effective...and hilarious.

Can I interest you in a pre-owned cat?

YouTube

Used cars, er cats, for sale!

Ever walk onto a used cat lot? Yeah, you read that right.

That's right, it's a used cat lot! Except, it's not a lot, it's the Calgary Humane Society in Canada and in 2015 they came up with an excellent way to pair older kitties with new forever homes. So, why this approach?

Because in a world where around 7 million pets enter shelters and only around 4 million get out, that's a lot of sad math and a lot of good animals missing out on loving homes.

gif of mustached man showing off different cats

You name it; we got it.

assets.rebelmouse.io

gif of different cats flashing by like an ad

All makes and models of cats.

assets.rebelmouse.io

An escape attempt?

assets.rebelmouse.io

In an attempt to out a stop to that sad math, the kind folks from the Calgary Humane Society got creative.

mustached man in suit advertising a shelter kitty

The top speed of cats...

assets.rebelmouse.io

The fastest domestic cat running speed appears to be 29.8 mph. This salesman knows his product!

gif of mustached man in suit pantomimes cat ears in front of sign for Calgary Humane Society

Felines at the Human Society ready to go.

assets.rebelmouse.io

They discovered some very adept cat performers.

Get yourself a pre-owned kitty.

assets.rebelmouse.io

Call Hollywood!

They pulled out all the stops to help future cat owners realize that pre-owned cats are the way to go!

And in addition to the commercial, the cats were priced to go on a very special Saturday.

Reducing the price.

assets.rebelmouse.io

They get it. Kittens are popular. There's no way around it. They're kittens! I used to be kitten-crazy (I was a child!), but I've adopted older cats and so have my friends. They're special. They're cute. They're soulful. And instead of adorably biting your fingers until they grow up past kittenhood, older cats chill out on your couch and teach you about relaxing.

The simple pleasures of cat ownership.

assets.rebelmouse.io

Older or "pre-owned" cats are wonderful and they deserve homes too. While kittens can be fun for young families, older cats are perfect companions for everyone: kids, adults, and especially older adults who may be living alone. They're calmer, more tolerant, their personalities are fully developed, and they're just looking for a warm place to sleep and an owner to love and snuggle with. Sounds nice, doesn't it? If that doesn't convince you, though, there's always Calgary Humane's awesome commercial to further grease the wheels.

Check it out:

This article originally appeared ten years ago.

From Your Site Articles

Humor

A comedian sparked a fierce debate when she exploded with rage at a male heckler

After the guy got kicked out, Natalie Cuomo read his texts to his friend live on stage.

Unsplash

I once had tickets to see the late, great Mitch Hedberg at a comedy club in Baltimore. I was unimaginably excited about seeing my hero live. A few days before the show, Mitch sadly passed away. The venue got another comic to fill in and my friends and I went anyway, not really knowing what else to do. The new comic was... a lot different from Mitch. We unwisely sat in the very front and that led to me getting brutally roasted for a good portion of the show.

I understood even then that that's how comedy works sometimes, but I admit, it did feel a little mean-spirited at times, and I can't say it was the greatest experience. Comedians, especially in smaller clubs, are known to dish out some good-natured abuse. Sometimes the abuse isn't so good natured. But one of the big questions when it comes to "crowd work" is — if they dish it out, they should be able to take it, right? A viral encounter between a comedian and a heckler is raising questions about proper etiquette at a comedy show — both from the performer and people in the crowd.

Giphy

Comedian Natalie Cuomo was doing crowd work during her set at the DC Comedy Loft when she began interacting with a guy who wasn't willing to play along. Heckling is part of the life of a comedian, especially when they start ribbing the audience. After all, the spectators are real live people -- you never can be sure how they'll react or what they might say back!

But this guy seemed to get genuinely offended at a little jab, and Cuomo called him out on being a little overly sensitive.

"It's not my fault you don't have material," the man shot back. "I can roast you, too. You can't just roast all of us and get nothing." Shortly after, he offered, or maybe threatened, to take the mic from her.

And that's when, in the clip posted by Cuomo to her TikTok page, she went off:

"It's such a hard time in this world right now. There's so many people that came together to be supportive and fucking amazing, and you're putting..." She then knealt down to the guy's eye level. "Look me in the eyes!" she screamed at him. "you're putting negative freaking energy out here! ... You wanna say mean shit to me? OK, so don't fucking do that."

Not long after that interaction, the guy was removed by security, and Cuomo's set continued on.

@nataliecuomo
Right after I said how grateful I was for everyone being there and selling out the show, this little man in the front row decided to let his true colors shine ✨ Always stand up for yourself!! And if you’re going to be rude, at least have the decency to LOOK ME IN THE EYES 👀 ❤️

Generally, comedians are expected to keep their cool and win these battles with wit and not rage. But not always.

Female comics have to put up with an awful lot just to get on stage. There's the being expected to work for free or less pay than male peers, being harassed by other comics and audience members, and being cat-called by people in the crowd. They're judged by their looks in bizarre ways. They have to be pretty but not too pretty so as not to be funny. Guys like the heckler in question sometimes go out of their way to give women comics a rough time.

Maybe Natalie Cuomo had just had enough that night and didn't have the energy to hide her anger with whip-smart jokes — who knows?

"i worked in comedy clubs for two years and saw so many female comics in this position who felt like they had to be funny and not angry. endorse this," one commenter wrote. Others applauded Cuomo's "female rage" and the way she stood up for herself. The live audience was also on her side, chanting her name after the awkward encounter.

But some folks weren't so thrilled with Cuomo's response. "She literally chucked a tantrum on stage," one user wrote under the video.

"a [comedian's] one job is to be funny, so crashing out at your own show over a bad interaction really rubs me the wrong way," said another.

It begs the question: Was the guy's heckling fair game for a comedy show, or was he really out of line? There might be a clue in the conclusion to Cuomo's video: After the heckler was tossed out of the venue, Cuomo noticed that the man's friend was sending texts... so she grabbed his phone.

"Lol, what a fucking clown, I did warn you I would get kicked out," the heckler's had told his friend in a text — which Cuomo kindly shared with the live audience. "Man, she is sensitive, especially for a comedian." Then she texted him back a selfie of her holding up the middle finger.

Sounds like maybe he came prepared to raise a stink with whatever comic was on stage. Whether Cuomo handled the situation perfectly or not, I think we can all agree that's in pretty poor taste.

comedy

Culture

Nate Bargatze brilliantly explains what Xennials are and why they feel caught between generations

Somewhere between GenX and Millennials is a generation all its own.

commons.wikimedia.org

File:Nate Bargatze.jpg - Wikimedia Commons

Never heard of Xennials before? You're not alone! It just so happens, the term Xennial first appeared in an article for GOOD Magazine by writers Sarah Stankorb (who coined the term) and Jed Oelbaum. It was described as "a micro-generation that serves as a bridge between the disaffection of Gen X and the blithe optimism of Millennials." Other unique terms have come to describe this group (roughly figured to have been born between 1977-1983.)

These include The Star Wars Generation, The Oregon Trail Generation, and Generation Catalano, (the latter suggested by Slate writer Doree Shafrir in reference to Jordan Catalano on the hit 90s TV show My So-Called Life.) In @sourcomedy's clip making the rounds on Tiktok, Nate gives us the reasons Xennials are truly awesome. Here are a few hilarious takeaways from Nate's bit on the topic:

Growing up as a young kid felt safe.

boy holding on swing bench Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

"When I was a kid, it felt like the 50s. You'd go outside and your parents just didn't know where you were. We went to school to school and played Oregon Trail on a computer at school! No one had a computer at home - it's like what are you a Zillionaire?"

They still had privacy.

america online email GIFGiphy

While Nate shares he got AOL, a home computer, a beeper and a cell phone in high school, he didn't have social media until he was 26 with Myspace.

"Whatever I did in high school is a rumor. It can't ruin my life!"

You are equally impressed and disappointed by other generations.

@sourcomedy
The Lucky Ones #natebargatze #natebargatzecomedy

On a hotel stay, the Chromecast on his TV stopped working so he called the front desk. "The oldest voice I ever heard answers the phone. This guy was a Civil War survivor. I mean, he was the age where you just go 'Thank you for your service.' So I tell him my Chromecast is not working and I could have just made up a word. I mean, he's never heard of that. I could have said 'My beep bop broke.' He goes, 'Look, I don't know what this is. But there's a younger guy, I'm gonna send him up, he'll be able to help you."

A guy shows up, Nate muses, and he's "his dad's age." Nate immediately determines that if he can't fix it, this guy can't either. "But he's the generation that still wants to give it a try. So he comes into my room, sits on my bed, just a little too far back, I thought."

He then says the guy grabbed the remote and just started pressing everything. Nate suggests, "I'm gonna turn the shower on, open a window, let's try everything!"

The "pressing all the buttons" tactic shockingly doesn't work. Nate shares that the guy finally says, "Alright, there's a younger guy. He's about to come to work. And at this point, I'm like 'I'm the younger guy, man. It's alright dude, I don't need it.' And he goes, 'No, no, no, it's a Millennial." And I was like 'Alright, now we're getting somewhere. This is what the Millennial does. He was born with technology, he's gonna know how to fix this!"

So the guy says the Millennial will arrive to work in an hour. And Nate tells us, "Let me tell you. You know how quick that Millennial fixed it? Well, I'll never know because he just didn't come to work that night."

And guess who relayed this message. "I found out because the old guy called me. He was supposed to fill in for him. He was furious, dude. He hates that Millennial. He goes 'He never comes to work. He doesn't take it serious. He's got a peanut allergy.'"

In the end, it took a Xennial to figure it out. "I ended up fixing it myself, because it was just unplugged. So that's yeah…that's my fault."

From Your Site Articles

nate bergatze

Pop Culture

Billy Crystal's 'Princess Bride' ad-lib was so funny cast and crew had to leave the set

Mandy Patinkin actually bruised a rib from holding back laughter.

LionsgateFilmUK/YouTube

Billy Crystal created most of Miracle Max's lines off the cuff.

Comedic actors know how to deliver lines in just the right way with just the right timing to make an audience laugh. But true comedians are often funnier when they’re allowed to go off-script and let their gift for spontaneous humor shine.

Enter Billy Crystal, whose ad-libbed scene in “The Princess Bride” was so funny it took nearly 30 hours of work to get five minutes of usable footage. Cast members of the cult classic film have shared what happened when director Rob Reiner decided to take the reins off of Crystal, telling him, “Forget the lines, just go for it,” according to actor Cary Elwes. That invitation to improvise would prove to be one of the best—and worst—decisions he could have made for the film.

In the scene, Crystal plays “Miracle Max,” a crotchety old apothecary who argues with his wife (played by Carol Kane) and brings the "mostly dead" Westley back to life with his chocolate-covered magic pill. There were lines written for his character, but he didn't need them. He could—and did—ad-lib for hours, but it proved to be a bit of a problem because the cast and crew just couldn't stop laughing.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

The sound department had to start banishing people off of the set because they were ruining takes with their giggles. Reiner himself, who has a big, boisterous laugh, was one of the first people to go because he couldn't keep it together during the filming. Mandy Patinkin, who played Inigo Montoya and wasn't able to leave, shared that he sustained his only injury in the entire making of the film during the shooting of that scene—a bruised rib from holding in laughter.

Elwes said Reiner told him he needed to lie perfectly still and hold his breath in the scene, but Crystal's "medieval Yiddish stand-up" proved too hilarious and Elwes had to be replaced with his rubber dummy for much of the shoot. Patinkin said that Reiner nearly threw up from laughing so hard, and people in the cast and crew had to bite their hands to keep quiet. Production was nearly shut down for the day and the scene became one of the most expensive scenes in the movie because it used so much film, according to InCinematic. And the vast majority of what was filmed never got seen.

"Unfortunately, there's so many spoiled—brilliantly hilarious takes that we all spoiled," said Elwes. He also wrote in his book about the movie that Crystal never said the same thing or delivered the same line twice. Crystal's improv resulted in some of the most memorable lines from the film, such as the classic, "Sonny, true love is the greatest thing in the world—except for a nice MLT–mutton, lettuce and tomato sandwich, where the mutton is nice and lean…"

Even the look of Miracle Max was from Crystal's brain child. He told his makeup artist that he wanted the character to look like a mix between Casey Stengel, former manager for the New York Yankees, and Crystal's grandmother.

Casey Stengel served as inspiration for the Miracle Max character in "The Princess Bride."Public Domain

People loved hearing about Crystal's comedic genius, wishing the footage that couldn't be used would be released.

"You can't plan a movie like The Princess Bride, when you've got the right people sometimes it just happens."

"Nothing greater as an improvising-comedian actor than hearing the words; 'Forget the lines, just go for it.'"

"Three straight days of Billy off the cuff is pure gold. I would've loved to have been on that set lmao."

"When the comedy is so good, you bruise your OWN RIB tryna hold it in."

"Release the tapes, raw and uncut. The people demand it."

We may not have access to the unseen footage of Crystal's improvised hilarity, but we can at least enjoy the scenes that did make it into the film by rewatching "The Princess Bride," which many fans do annually. The film even returned to theaters briefly for its 30th Anniversary in the fall of 2023, much to the delight of people who yearned to see it on the big screen again.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

From Your Site Articles

movies

Pop Culture

Bizarre optical illusion has people either seeing a car door or the beach

What do you see?

Photos combined from Pixabay.

Car door and the beach.

Ancient sage Obi-Wan Kenobi once remarked, "Your eyes can deceive you, don't trust them." Well, he's right. Kinda.

Our eyes bring in information and it's our brain's job to decipher the image and determine what we're seeing. But our brains aren't always correct. In fact, sometimes they can be so wrong we wonder if we are accurately interpreting reality at all.

After all, our brains can only label things if it knows that they are. If you lived on a deserted island your whole life and a cow showed up on the beach, you'd have no idea what to label it.

The latest baffling image that's making people across the Internet doubt their senses is a picture tweeted out by X (formerly Twitter) user nayem. "If you can see a beach, ocean sky, rocks and stars then you are an artist," the comment reads.

But some people who see it also think it looks like a car door. What do you see?

Beach or a rusty door?

via nxyxm / Twitter

If your brain told you the picture is of a lovely evening laying on the beach then you're definitely an optimist. But, according to the person who posted it, the photo is of the bottom of a rusted out car door. Not very romantic, is it?

The tweet has since gone viral, earning over 5,000 likes.

via nxym /Twitter

Here's what Twitter users thought about the illusion.

Yum.

via X/Twitter.

This guy must be hungry.

A clever call back.

via Twitter.

This guy is having flashbacks to 2015.

Knowing the difference through skills.

via Twitter.

Your perception determines your reality.

Drawing skills.

via Twitter.

This guy explains it perfectly.

Boat on the beach.

via Twitter.

This guy has a great imagination.

So, what's going on?

This photo is just another optical illusion, and it can help us learn a lot about our brains. As mentioned, our eyes and other senses gather information and send it to our brains. From there, our brains create our perception of the world, but it doesn't always reflect reality. According to the American Museum of Natural History, this means is that when the brain is presented with incomplete information, it "fills in the gaps" to create an image or understanding where there wasn't one before. Even more interesting, since no two brains are totally alike, people tend to see optical illusions differently. Research suggests that cultural factors, experiences, and how we process visual information all account for why two people may look at the same illusion and have totally different takeaways.

Neat!

This article originally appeared four years ago.

From Your Site Articles

comedy

Pop Culture

Jimmy Fallon asked his viewers if they've ever been caught red-handed. Here are 15 of the best responses.

You can’t lie about it, you can’t take it back, all you can do is pray for forgiveness.

Photo by Matt Winkelmeyer / Getty Images

There is nothing worse than being caught in the act when you're up to no good. You can't lie about it, you can't take it back, all you can do is pray for forgiveness. "Tonight Show" host Jimmy Fallon asked his viewers if they had ever been caught red-handed and their responses on Twitter were hilarious. Here are 15 of the funniest and/or most embarrassing Tweets.

Called in sick to work one day. Saw one of my students at the beach. We nodded as we both realized we were skipping my class. #IGotCaught
— Perkinskiii 💭 (@thatdrunkfeller) February 15, 2017

sent a sext to my husband... forgot his mom was in a group chat lol #igotcaught
— Christin Hughes (@christinmhughes) February 16, 2017

#IGotCaught looking up a guy's info on a college computer. Heard his voice behind me telling me how to correctly spell his last name.
— Julie W (@auntgirl) February 15, 2017

I called off sick to go to a music festival. The next day my boss said "next time don't stand in the front row." I was on tv #IGotCaught
— Unknown (@notsogoodITguru) February 15, 2017

I went to a sex shop with my wife for the first time, the store assistant greeted me with: "nice to see you again!" #IGotCaught
— Slemp (@leonardo_grossi) February 15, 2017

I snuck out at age 15 to go to a drinking party. The door bell rang, I answered the door, there stood my mom #IGOTCAUGHT
— Complex Simply (@ComplexSimply4u) February 15, 2017

#igotcaught when my boss caught me dozing off at my desk,I raised my head slowly&said "Amen".
— Seabow (@CristySeabow) February 15, 2017

on a first date and sent a text to what I thought was my buddy saying "this date is awful SOS"...sent it to her #igotcaught
— Luke Taylor (@statboyslim) February 15, 2017

I was telling my friend about a guy that had a cute butt. The guy heard me and said Thanks. #IGotCaught @FallonTonight
— Kerri Gray 🍀 (@kerrikgray) February 15, 2017

Parents found out my bro threw a house party after finding the wifi password pinned up evrywhere.His excuse,"I forgot it..a lot" #IGotCaught
— Chloe Pacocha (@AwesomepossumCP) February 16, 2017

This article originally appeared eight years ago.

From Your Site Articles

jimmy fallon

Culture

Dad’s 5-year-old daughter's hilarious answers to his questions have the internet screaming

“Do I have to change my name if I get married? Call me Shredder.”

via James Breakwell / Twitter

Raising kids is tough, but there's a lot of laughs along the way. Comedy writer James Breakwell has four daughters under the age of eight and shares their hilarious conversations on Twitter. And, from Breakwell's tweets, it looks like his five year old has a future in comedy. Here's a sampling of some Breakwell's funniest kid-inspired tweets.

1.

Me: What did you do at school today?\n\n5-year-old: Learned about dragons.\n\nMe: Your class learned about dragons?\n\n5: I learned about dragons. I don't know what everybody else was doing.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1524164098

2.

5-year-old: *stares off into space*\n\nMe: What's wrong?\n\n5: What happens if a kangaroo jumps on a trampoline?\n\nMe: *stares off into space, too*
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1512655067

3.

5-year-old daughter: Why does Mom wear makeup?\n\nMe: To look pretty.\n\n5: But she's already pretty.\n\nMe: Aww.\n\n5: Dad, you should wear makeup.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1434719335

4.

3-year-old: Do boys like Frozen?\n\n5-year-old: Nobody cares what boys like.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1522195727

5.

5-year-old: I wish we all had infinity dollars\n\nMe: That\u2019d wreck the economy\n\n5: I just-\n\nMe: Go to your room until you understand inflation
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1441628973

6.

5-year-old daughter: I think a boy likes me. He drew me a dinosaur.\n\nMe: That could mean anything.\n\n5: The dinosaur had a hat.\n\nOh shit.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1435237545

7.

[watching a guy on TV do CPR]\n\n5-year-old daughter: Why is he kissing her?\n\nMe: He's not. He's saving her life.\n\n5: I'd rather die.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1458752016

8.

Me: Who ate all the cookies?\n\n5-year-old: Ninjas.\n\nMe: I didn\u2019t see them.\n\n5-year-old: No one ever does.\n\nCheckmate.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1433627847

9.

5 y.o.: Why do people congratulate you when Mom is the one making the baby?\n\nMe: I helped\n\n5: How?\n\nMe:\n\n5:\n\nMe: I read her the instructions
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1446746149

10.

Me: You can't like Kylo Ren. He killed his dad.\n\n5-year-old: Maybe he deserved it.\n\nI'm never sleeping again.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1460388284

11.

Me: What happened on the coffee table?\n\n5-year-old daughter: Elsa killed all the stormtroopers.pic.twitter.com/36hCfd1z5s
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1432591871

12.

13.

5-year-old: I'm writing a book.\n\nMe: What's it called?\n\n5: I Ate Too Many Cupcakes.\n\nMe: Oh.\n\n5: It's just pretend because you can never eat too many cupcakes.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1523975066

14.

5-year-old: *eats a cupcake for breakfast*\n\nMe: Cupcakes aren't a breakfast food.\n\n5: I know. They're an all-day food.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1523364754

15.

Me: It snowed last night.\n\n5-year-old: *flops on the floor* We already did winter.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1523279528

16.

Me: You're still in your pajamas.\n\n5-year-old: I'll get dressed soon.\n\nMe: It's 4 in the afternoon.\n\n5: Don't rush me.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1523131531

17.

[spring break]\n\n5-year-old: When do we have to go back to school?\n\nMe: Monday.\n\n5: *slides me a penny* When now?
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1522870699

18.

Me: Wake up. Time to get dressed.\n\n5-year-old: Not again.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1522158012

19.

5-year-old: *won't get out of bed*\n\nMe: I don't want to fight you every morning.\n\n5: Then let me win.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1522847748

20.

Me: Why are you being mean?\n\n5-year-old: I ran out of nice.\n\nIt's going to be a long night.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1522786515

21.

[lightning strike super close to our house]\n\n5-year-old: Missed me.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1522762976

22.

5-year-old: Can we have pizza?\n\nMe: We just had pizza yesterday.\n\n5: The pizza doesn't know that.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1522096312

23.

Me: Hurry.\n\n5-year-old: I am.\n\nMe: You're still in bed.\n\n5: I'm sleeping faster.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1521811809

24.

5-year-old: Leprechauns are fairies.\n\nMe: They are?\n\n5: I thought you went to college.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1521326336

25.

5-year-old: Do I have to change my name if I get married?\n\nMe: Only if you want to.\n\n5: Call me Shredder.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1521585950

His 5-year-old isn't the only (often unintentionally) hilarious child in the house; the 7-year-old and 3-year-old turn up from time to time. There's also a 2-year-old, but she hasn't been the subject of many tweets yet.

26.

Me: *gets burned by bacon grease* Ow!\n\n7-year-old: Love hurts.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1512230800

27.

Me: What are you doing?\n\n7-year-old: Counting the presents under the tree.\n\nMe: There aren't any presents under the tree.\n\n7: I know.\n\nPassive aggressive level 9000.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1511896968

28.

3-year-old: *holds up a baby doll* What's her name?\n\nMe: She doesn't have one. You can name her.\n\n3: *kissing baby* I love you, Stupid Face.\n\nShe'll make a great mother.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1511877311

29.

7-year-old: I'm glad I'm not a boy.\n\nMe: Why?\n\n7: I like being smart.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1512136729

30.

3-year-old: Mommy married you.\n\nMe: Yeah.\n\n3: Why?\n\nWife: Nobody knows.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1522527335

31.

2-year-old: *touches my beard* It's soft like a kitty.\n\nMe: You mean rugged and manly.\n\n2: Purrrr.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1493775467

32.

4-year-old: What happens when you die?\n\nMe: You go to heaven.\n\n4: No, I mean when you die, do I get your stuff?
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1412245842

33.

4-year-old: Why do you go to work?\n\nMe: They pay me a salary.\n\n4-year-old:\n\nMe:\n\n4-year-old: I don\u2019t even like celery.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1425155143

34.

3-year-old daughter: Will I have a baby in my belly someday?\n\nMe: If you want to.\n\n3: No thanks. That's where I put my candy.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1459859421

35.

7-year-old: Why do we have to dress up?\n\nMe: It's Easter.\n\n7: Jesus just wore robes.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1522592817

36.

Me: Do you know why they call it Good Friday?\n\n7-year-old: There's no school.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1522427812

37.

7-year-old: Why does my teacher keep testing what I know?\n\nMe: What should she do?\n\n7: Trust me.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1522246883

38.

7-year-old: You should let me eat more candy.\n\nMe: Why?\n\n7: Then you won't eat it.\n\nShe's my new diet plan.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1522092561

This article originally appeared four years ago.

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