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Take pleasure in little things when you're raising kids.

As a parent, it sometimes feels like you're supposed to be fueled entirely by selfless love and a "spiritual connection" to your children.

But you know what? You matter, too! And there's nothing wrong with needing a little soul-nourishment that doesn't end with you on your knees scrubbing barf out of the carpet.


Yes, it's possible to love your kids deeply but also be a little overwhelmed by what your life has become. It's totally normal to need a little more than just love to keep yourself going.

With that in mind, here are 10 things all parents can agree on about the tiny, but hardly insignificant, pleasures of the daily parent-grind.

1. You've determined that one and a half is the perfect number of drinks.

Perfection.

Drinking alcohol is fun! It's also a brief reminder of what it used to be like when you were allowed to have adult fun. But each drink also increases the amount it will suck if and when the kids wake up early or in the middle of the night.

wine, drinking, alcohol, responsible behavior

The perfect amount of drinks fro healthy relaxing.

Photo by photo pic on Unsplash

The magic number usually tends to be around two drinks, less the half beer left sitting on your night stand after you've just given up and passed out, netting a perfect 1.5.

2. You hate washing dishes, but you love that warm dishwater.

Washing dishes while holding baby? Parenting level: expert.

Children are basically mystical fairies that fill your home with dirty dishes while you aren't looking.

Washing those dishes is an endless, thankless chore, but at least soaking your hands in the hot, frothy water feels kind of nice.

3. You know that silence really is golden.

...

No, no, don't ruin it. Just listen.

Ahhh...

4. You don't drive just to get places.

Most people think cars are just motorized hunks of metal that take you from Point A to Point B.

Parents know that they are, in fact, complex machines designed to make children fall asleep while you pick up dinner at the drive-through, or even just drive aimlessly through an area without a lot of stoplights.

5. You cherish the days where nothing happens.

Getting up, going to work, eating dinner, and going to bed. That's all we really want.

Any day where no one gets sick, injured, or inexplicably, inconsolably cranky is a success.

6. You also love Mondays. (Really.)

Having a young child is kind of like making a bomb out of household items and carrying it around with you. Even if you're really careful, there's a chance it might explode.

Monday (for many of us) means dropping the kids at school or daycare where, short of severe injury or illness, anything that happens after that is their problem.

7. You have a new appreciation for waking up naturally.

bed, morning intimacy, freedom, slumber

Absolute joy when sleeping in and the kids are away.

Photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash

I barely remember what this feels like..

Being kissed awake by the sun's heavenly rays is so rare that when it does happen, you assume your child must have died in their sleep. But once you confirm that all's well and melt back into a peaceful slumber, there's no better feeling in the world.

8. You know that hot showers are everything.

See: Warm dishwater, silence.

9. You hang out with other parents to put everything into perspective.

Hanging around a bunch of parents is amazing. Everyone's wearing sweats, no one's in shape, and showering is totally optional. Everyone's just trying to get by, OK?

And if you have to go home because your kid's having a meltdown, they're all too busy cutting food into small pieces or monitoring timeout to give you the side-eye.

10. You drink coffee like it is the source of all life.

coffee, source of life, trouble sleeping

The pleasure found in a perfect coffee.

Photo by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash

Drinking coffee doesn't really have the same effect as getting more sleep, but it's possible to convince yourself otherwise. Sometimes, though, you'll drink coffee too late in the day and have trouble sleeping.

The only solution to that? Yep. More coffee.

Being a parent is hard. It's OK to admit it.

It doesn't matter if you're tired. It doesn't matter if you're sick. It doesn't matter if it's your birthday. It doesn't even matter if you're tired and sick ON your birthday. (And you will be.)

At least, that's how it can feel.

But psychiatrist Gail Saltz told TODAY Parents, "You have to put your oxygen mask on first," so to speak. "If you go to pieces, everyone is going down with you."

That's why we're all so desperate for that spa day or for a beer with friends. But it might be a while before we can get one on the books.

In the meantime, it pays to look for the little moments in between that give us the juice we need to keep going.


This article originally appeared on 03.15.16

Eight months into the pandemic, you'd think people would have the basics figured out. Sure, there was some confusion in the beginning as to whether or not masks were going to help, but that was months ago (which might as well be years in pandemic time). Plenty of studies have shown that face masks are an effective way to limit the spread of the virus and public health officials say universal masking is one of the keys to being able to safely resume some normal activities.

Normal activities include things like getting a coffee at Starbucks, but a viral video of a barista's encounter with an anti-masker shows why the U.S. will likely be living in the worst of both worlds—massive spread and economic woe—for the foreseeable future.

Alex Beckom works at a Starbucks in Santee, California and shared a video taken after a woman pulled down her "Trump 2020" mask to ask the 19-year-old barista a question, pulled it back up when the barista asked her to, then pulled it down again.


All Beckom did was inform the woman that she needed to keep her mask on, and the scene turned into the woman throwing a fit. She claimed that she didn't have to listen to the barista because "this is America." She said the virus (or the pandemic, or the mask order—it's not clear) is "a hoax." And she berated Black Lives Matter, which had nothing whatsoever to do with the exchange, other than Beckom existing in front of her in her Black skin.

Beckom remained completely professional and friendly throughout the bizarre interchange, even after the woman accused her of discriminating against her for being a Trump supporter, and even after the woman said "F*ck Black Lives Matter," and then yelled the same thing again as she left the store.

"If she thinks she's being discriminated against, that's on her," Beckom told 10 News, San Diego's ABC affiliate. "I never brought up anything about her politics ... I wasn't even angry. I was just like, 'Why is this happening?'"

Beckom had every right to ask the woman to keep her mask on, both due to company policy and the state of California mandate. And no one would blame Beckom if she'd had a more emotional or forceful response considering this woman's rude and inappropriate behavior, but the contrast of her calm reaction beautifully highlighted how off-the-rails the woman's own response was.

The video has had more than 4 million views since Beckom shared it on Sunday, and people have praised the dignity and grace with which the barista handled the situation.

"I think it's important to show this type of behavior shouldn't be normalized and shouldn't be acceptable ..." Beckom told 10 News. "As this behavior continues, the cycle continues, and we need to get this cycle to stop."

Indeed, we do need to get this cycle to stop. People like this woman are partially why the U.S. is in the dismal state that we're in with the coronavirus pandemic. Calling it a hoax, refusing to keep her mask on, berating a lovely young woman who is just doing her job—these kinds of videos are so old, but so indicative of where we are.

But Beckom's response is also an indicator that there is hope to be had in all of this madness. To have such presence of mind and maturity at 19 years old is impressive, and the more we see people doing the right thing, the better. Beckom represents the millions of Americans who work with the public and have to put up with people's nonsense. It's heartening to see someone so young handling it so well.

Keep up the great work, Alex. (And hey Starbucks, maybe give that woman a raise. In the meantime, here's a GoFundMe if you want to give her a tip for her excellent customer service.)

While the nation alternately reels and relishes in the political upheavals of yesterday's elections, America's largest coffee chain is dropping a little simple joy into our day. Hallelujah.

Starbucks has just revealed its annual holiday cup designs—a seemingly benign move that has resulted in several silly controversies in years past. (Who knew that a simple red cup could piss people off so badly?) This year, the reusable red cup includes a cute, celebratory "MERRY COFFEE" design, which will still undoubtedly get under some people's skin. ("Why doesn't it say 'Merry CHRISTMAS?!?!' Oh, the blasphemy!!!")


RELATED: Ellen DeGeneres weighed in on the Starbucks cup controversy. And yes, she nailed it.

Starbucks

It's fun. It's festive. It's full of life-giving coffee. What's not to love?

Oh, and also? It's FREE—but just for one day, so mark your calendars and set a reminder, fellow coffee lovers.

Tomorrow, November 7th, Starbucks will be giving customers who order a holiday beverage at participating stores in the United States and Canada a free, limited-edition, reusable red cup. While supplies last, of course.

A "holiday beverage" includes the following drinks:

  • Caramel Brulée Latte
  • Chestnut Praline Latte
  • Eggnog Latte
  • Gingerbread Latte (available in Canada only—But whyyyy, Starbucks?)
  • Hot Chocolate
  • Peppermint Hot Chocolate
  • Peppermint Mocha
  • Pumpkin Spice Latte
  • Salted Caramel Hot Chocolate
  • Salted Caramel Mocha
  • Toasted White Chocolate Mocha (available in the United States only—sorry, Canadians).

So no cheap drip coffee or cheating with an Americano to get the free cup, folks. By Starbucks decree, you gotta go for the over-the-top, creamy, winter-spiced, sugary goodness if you want the holiday cup included.

And if the red "Merry Coffee" design doesn't quite float your boat, there are other holiday cup designs available as well, including a frosty "Merry Coffee"on a white background, a cute polka-dot design, some fun candy cane stripes, and simple white text on a green background. (Full disclosure: None of them say "Christmas" or even "Holiday," so plenty of opportunity to be offended if that's your thing.)

RELATED: Starbucks' social media team sets an important tone addressing racial bias.

Starbucks

Best of luck as you brave the caffeine-dependent masses to grab your free cup tomorrow! Merry Coffee, everyone.

When two black men were unjustly arrested while sitting in a Philadelphia Starbucks, Americans were rightfully outraged.

After weeks of lackluster public statements and an increasingly infuriated public, Starbucks announced it would close 8,000 of its stores for racial-bias training on May 29.

Starbucks will have to grapple with its missteps over time. But as the mega corporation begins what is hopefully a first step toward establishing a more inclusive and welcoming business, thousands of Americans still need a good flat white to kick off their day.


Want to get some good, fairly priced coffee while also supporting business owners of color?  We've got you covered.

To get through the Starbucks shutdown, we've rounded up some incredibly dope coffee shops from sea to shining sea.

Here are some new places to try in each region of the continental U.S.:

West

Boon Boona Coffee, Seattle  

Known for sourcing coffee from East Africa, Boon Boona Coffee works with coffee farmers across the region to develop relationships and support crop sustainability. The result? Some delectable coffee.

Red Bay Coffee, Oakland

Owned by Keba Konte, a former photojournalist and lifelong adventurer, Red Bay specifically staffs women, people of color, and individuals who have formerly been incarcerated. The coffee shop is known for its impressive role in the community and for its ability to make patrons of color feel right at home.

Photo courtesy of Red Bay Coffee.

Bison Coffeehouse, Portland, Oregon

Touted as the only Native-owned coffee shop in Portland, Bison Coffeehouse serves up "strong, medium, or light" espresso, in-house baked goods, and other yummy treats. It allows visitors to step into an older Portland while also supporting the folks who were there first.  

Watts Coffee House, Los Angeles

A staple in South L.A., Watts Coffee House has coffee, brunch, and everything in between for the bustling, vibrant local community.  

Midwest

Golden Thyme Coffee and Cafe, St. Paul, Minnesota

Nestled in St. Paul, Golden Thyme Coffee & Café offers a chill atmosphere and coffee-based beverages named after some of the world's most famous jazz musicians. They also sell cakes and treats to appeal to the inevitable sweet tooth.

Crazy Coffee Co., Overland Park, Kansas

Crazy Coffee Co. serves up everything one might need for their java fix. The business specializes in drip coffee and offers a variety of flavors for home coffee makers.

Rise and Grind Cafe, Milwaukee

A home for the worker bee, Rise and Grind serves up delectable food options and delicious coffee for visitors. They also offer catering for large events.

Whittier Cafe, Denver

Who doesn't love a good neighborhood cafe? Whittier is just that. With cute sweets, an outdoor patio, a cozy library, and endless coffee options, this is the perfect place to sit, read, and caffeinate before or after a busy day.

Northeast

Amalgam Comics and Coffeehouse, Philadelphia

Owned by Ariell Johnson, Amalgam Comics and Coffeehouse is a super neat space for comic nerds and coffee fanatics.

The self-proclaimed first black women to own a comic book-coffee shop hybrid in the Northeast, Johnson offers a warm smile and works with her staff to create an inclusive space for those who are comic book experts — and those who just want an excellent cup of coffee.

Busboys and Poets, Washington, D.C.

Owned by Iraqi-American immigrant Andy Shallal, Busboys and Poets is a coffee shop, restaurant, bookstore, and bar wrapped into one.

With several locations in the DMV area, Busboys and Poets staff are trained to work with diverse patrons and people of color are visible in leadership positions, kitchen, and bar staff — and everything in between. Enjoy a delicious cup of coffee while reading one of the lounge's many books by authors and scholars of color.

Photo courtesy of Busboys and Poets.

Serengeti Teas and Spices, New York City

For anyone who prefers tea over coffee, Serengeti Teas and Spices is an excellent option. Located in Harlem, this tea shop serves teas from a number of African nations. Their staff — many of whom are African immigrants — offer advice on how to choose the right tea, and the cozy environment will ensure that you feel as peaceful as possible while enjoying your drink.

Black Swan Espresso, Newark, New Jersey

Black Swan Espresso, Newark's first specialty coffee and tea shop, specializes in using international coffee beans in all their roasts. The atmosphere is pretty sweet, too.

Southwest

Tres Leches Cafe, Phoenix

Tres Leches Cafe is owned by Latinx cafe experts. In addition to coffee, the Mexican cafe offers unique treats inspired by Mexican desserts like churros, dulce de leche, and, of course, tres leches.

Kaffeine Coffee, Houston

One of the best ways to get away from the scorching Texas heat is to find a coffee shop that serves up a great iced coffee with lovely customer service. Kaffeine Coffee offers both in the city's hopping downtown area.

Pie + Lattes. Our version of Pilates. • • • • 📸: @jenndguez

A post shared by Kaffeine Coffee (@kaffeinecoffee) on

Piñon Coffee House, Albuquerque

Piñon Coffee House offers espresso-based drinks, nitro cold brew, and other options made with their own classic Dark Piñon coffee.

Throughgood Coffee, Houston

A hip new spot in Houston, Throughgood Coffee caters to millennials, but clearly has coffee standards rooted in the old-school methods. It's staffed largely by people of color and serves the diverse Houston community with respect and Southern hospitality.

Southeast

Dee's Coffee, New Orleans

Stationed in a bustling city of world-renowned music, food, and culture, Dee's Coffee allows people to take a step back from the wildness and enjoy a cozy, safe atmosphere. Owned and staffed by people of color, Dee's Coffee serves tea, a number of coffees, and locally made pastries.  

Cafe Ulu, Atlanta

Atlanta is known for housing businesses with some of the coolest vibes around, and Cafe Ulu handily meets that standard. The cafe centers black culture and the historical influence of coffee and the coffee trade.

Beyu Caffe, Durham, North Carolina  

Beyu Caffee dives into bohemian culture with gusto. In addition to some amazing coffee selections, they offer a full bar and live jazz for patrons.

The Terminal Cafe, Nashville

Perfect for those who are gluten free or health-conscious, The Terminal Cafe offers great coffee with food options like gluten-free waffles and French toast with apples. Lovely vibes are thankfully included.

And these are just a few of the options.

From city to city, state to state, and corner to corner, there are endless coffee shops owned by people of color to match just about any taste. As you explore new coffee and tea shops, support people of color and local businesses by learning, exploring, and opening up to new places.

You may just find some great cold brew along the way.