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chores

Pets

Dog mom shares a funny video of the 'chores' her pitbull pup thinks she’s doing

"We didn't want a freeloader."

via Stiv XTZ/Pexels

A pitbull stares at the window, looking for the mailman.

Dogs are naturally driven by a sense of purpose and a need for belonging, which are all part of their instinctual pack behavior. When a dog has a job to do, it taps into its needs for structure, purpose, and the feeling of contributing to its pack, which in a domestic setting translates to its human family.

But let’s be honest: In a traditional domestic setting, dogs have fewer chores they can do as they would on a farm or as part of a rescue unit. A doggy mom in Vancouver Island, Canada had fun with her dog’s purposeful uselessness by sharing the 5 “chores” her pitbull-Lab mix does around the house.

The mom says Rhubarb has chores because “we didn’t raise a freeloader.”

No freeloaders on my watch 🙅🏻‍♀️ 

@rhubarbthedoggo

No freeloaders on my watch 🙅🏻‍♀️ #pittiesoftiktok #dogtiktokers #dogsoftiktok #pitbulllove #pibblelove #pibbles #pibblemixesoftiktok #pitbullmix #dogfluencers #doggotiktoker #dogmomsoftiktok #dogmomlife #dogmoms #dogtiktokviral #dogmomma #prettypitty #prettypittie #prettypitties #dogrelatable #relatabledogmom #relatabledog

Here are 5 “chores” that Rhubarb has mastered.

1. Makes sure the laundry doesn't get cold

Translation: Sits on top of the clean laundry, ready to be folded.

2. Unlicensed therapist

Translation: Gives us kisses when we're tired or feeling down.

3. Supervise repairs

Translation: She gets in the way when you're in a compromised, uncomfortable position with a wrench in your hand.

4. Alerts us when there's an intruder

Translation: Stands at the window and barks furiously at the mailman.

5. Keeps mum's spot warm

Translation: Lays in her spot on her favorite chair in the living room.

The video inspired some funny responses in the comments.

“He’s carrying that household on his back. Give him a raise,” Tatiana, Esq. wrote. “Obviously the most valuable member of the household,” DJTrainor51 added.


This article originally appeared last year.

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Mental Health

Therapist and mom helps struggling parents by explaining care tasks are ‘morally neutral'

'It's morally neutral' is my new phrase!

Photo by Richard Sagredo on Unsplash
woman in pink knit cap carrying baby in pink knit cap

Parents can sometimes struggle with the responsibility of keeping little people that depend on them alive, healthy and respectful, while also trying to maintain some semblance of a life outside of their kids. Keeping a house running, the lights on and maintaining relationships can result in balls being dropped due to sheer overwhelm. Care tasks like laundry, sweeping, mopping and even showering can end up getting sidelined. Care tasks are simply things that mean caring for one’s self or one’s space, otherwise known as cleaning or activities of daily living. The goal, no matter what you call it, is taking care of yourself.

K.C. Davis, a licensed professional counselor and mom, is known on TikTok for her approach to care tasks by taking the morality and shame out of completing or not completing these tasks. Davis’ catchphrase is “it’s morally neutral” when explaining that homes don’t need to be immaculate to show you care about your space, they just need to be functional.

Let’s take a moment to face an unfortunate fact that still perseveres in our modern society. The brunt of household tasks and family management is handled by the default parent, and in many households, that default parent is the mother. This is also known as invisible labor as it involves tasks that are expected to be completed, typically go unnoticed when they are completed, but are shockingly evident when they go undone.


@domesticblisters

#strugglecare #mentalhealth #caretasks #childhood

Davis makes caring for your home, self and children less of a moral duty that can make you feel like a failure and more like things that engender feelings of empowerment. She encourages the default parent to even the load by having open communication with their partner on what they need to feel supported.

Davis also spends time explaining tips and tricks that help her get things done, like setting a visual timer. We get to witness how she utilizes this timer in her everyday life through her videos showing how she “resets her space.” In the majority of her videos she encourages people to think of the functionality of their space and making it work for them.

@domesticblisters

Reply to @imhailey000 #strugglecare #mentalhealth #ADHD #cleantok #homecare #messismorallyneutral

According to Davis, functionality is key when it comes to care tasks, and she’s prepared with the tools for transforming a space from chaotic to functional. The focus of her videos is never on cleanliness, which can rub some folks the wrong way (as evidenced by her comment section). Her goal is to give primary caregivers and even single people the permission and empowerment to know that they deserve a functional space, and that care tasks are morally neutral.


In her book, "How to Keep House While Drowning," Davis explains how to be gentle with yourself while also caring for yourself and your home in a way that works best for you. Her gentle approach to care tasks is what keeps people coming back. It’s the validation that we all need.


This article originally appeared on 3.25.22

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Family

Mom has the perfect response to teen son who refuses to do 'girl' chores

What exactly are "girl" chores, anyway?

via Krampus Production/Pexels

A boy doing the dishes.

A 41-year-old mom with 3 boys, 12-year-old twins, and a 10-year-old, pays them $10 daily to do their chores. However, their pay is deducted $10 if they miss a day. The boys have to do their tasks 5 days a week, although it doesn’t matter which days they choose to work.

“This system has worked swimmingly for us since it started, the boys have always complied with completing their chores,” the mom wrote on Reddit.

Her 12-year-old son was getting ready to play Fortnite with a friend and told him he’d be ready in 15 minutes once he finished his chores. When the boys started playing the game, he told the friend he was in charge of dusting and sweeping the stairs, to which the friend responded, “It’s a good thing my parents don’t make me do girl chores.”

After learning what the friend said, the mom told her son that chores are genderless.

man cleaning a floor with a mopsilhouette of man standing near glass window during daytimePhoto by Gil Ribeiro on Unsplash

“I spoke with my son and explained to him that knowing how to clean was not specific to any gender, that it was a life skill everyone needed to know. I also told him that I understood that other families functioned differently; however, in our family, everyone did an equal share,” she wrote.

Over the next 3 days, the boy refused to do his “girl” chores. So, when allowance day came, the two brothers who did theirs received $50, but the 12-year-old who refused only got $20. The mom and the boy's father are divorced, so the 12-year-old called his dad to complain that he got $30 less, and the dad took his side.

“My ex-husband then proceeded to call me and tell me that I’m in the wrong for only giving him $20 and to imagine how it makes him feel that his brothers got more than he did. I explained to him that our other sons actually did their chores for all 5 days, so they were rewarded accordingly,” the mother wrote. “And assured him that if he had decided to start giving the boys an allowance, then he can run allowance however he wanted, but this was ultimately the system I had come up with.”

She added that her husband said she is being “insensitive” and “humiliating” their son.

The mom asked Reddit’s AITA subforum if she was in the wrong, and the commenters unanimously agreed that she was right. Other commenters noted that she made a smart decision leaving her ex-husband because he took the side of his child, who refused to do work for sexist reasons.

The only problem the commenters had was that the mom was being a little too generous by giving them $50 a week. That’s $600 a month for 3 kids.

"It’s the real world, you don’t do your job, you don’t get paid, and I actually think $10 a day is pretty generous for allowance," Longjumping-Gur-6581 wrote. "$10/day is insane for that age,” fIumpf added.

“You’re not taking money out of your son’s allowance, you’re not paying him for services not rendered,” Excitedorca wrote. “The sexist, misogynistic reasons behind not completing the chores need to be corrected and that won’t happen by rewarding it.”


This article originally appeared on 9.22.23

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Health

Therapist breaks down how to do household chores when you're depressed. It's a game changer.

'Replace "I'm failing," with "I'm having a hard time."'

Conttonbro via Canva

KC Davis breaks down how to do household chores when depressed.

Mental health struggles impact people from all ethnic and socioeconomic backgrounds. It doesn't matter if you're making millions of dollars or minimum wage, depression can still strike. Knowing how to care for yourself while depressed can make a huge difference in your ability to operate.

KC Davis, author of "How to Keep House While Drowning," breaks down household care tasks to make them more manageable for people struggling with depression. In her TEDx talk, the therapist gives multiple examples of tasks that can be broken down into smaller pieces to make your home functional. The first step in the process is being gentle with yourself and changing your mindset from "I'm failing" to "I'm having a hard time."

In 2020, around 21 million adults ages 18 and up experienced at least one major depressive episode. Depression can be debilitating for some individuals, causing them to have difficulty caring for their own needs or even getting out of bed. In Davis' TEDx talk she explains how to care for yourself even on the days you can't manage to get out of bed. Her advice involves a zip-close bag.

Yup, a plastic baggie. If there are days when you feel you can't get up, Davis' advice is to keep a gallon size zip-close bag on your night stand to put your dirty dishes in. It's a simple fix that seals in any odor the food may produce and won't attract bugs. The dirty dish will stay secured until you have the energy to take it to the kitchen, put it in the sink or wash it.

Small depression hacks like this can help a person feel less shame around the tasks not being done to the standards of society. Davis reiterates that, "care tasks are morally neutral" and "anything worth doing is worth doing half-assed." Check out her TEDx talk below.

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