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Stay-at-home mom shares the frustrating thing it took 8 years to learn about her role

"What’s a safe and secure childhood worth? Nothing technically, but also the entire world."

via EclecticHomeSchooling/TikTok (used with permission)

Syd explains one of the most frustrating parts of being a stay-at-home-mom.

There are many ways for people with careers to feel validated. You can get a raise, a promotion, a great review from your manager, or a professional award. You can also be someone respected in your profession and a mentor to younger people entering your field. These forms of validation help someone feel valuable and accomplished and are all tangible in some way. You can say, "I’m now the vice president of manufacturing," "I won the Excellence in Sales Award," or "I have a larger number on my paycheck."

Syd, a stay-at-home mom named @eclectichomeschooling on TikTok, shared that, unfortunately, moms who work in the home have a hard time finding that same feeling of validation.

stay-at-home mom, motherhoodHow do you measure success as a stay-at-home mom?Giphy

“Something that I think that a lot of people don’t realize about being a stay-at-home mom, whether you are a homeschool mom or your kids are young and you’re staying home with them during those years, is that there’s no measurement of success. There’s no metric,” she begins her video.

“There’s no one saying, ‘Congratulations, you have been promoted; you are the top of the top of this skill.’ None of that,” she continued. There is no award for an outstanding stay-at-home mom, and there is no manager to give her a review or promotion.

She says that being a good mother to her kids “feels good” and “makes us happy” but argues that it isn’t something you can “hold” or “write down.”

@eclectichomeschooling

It’s everyone’s favorite time of the month! Where I post insane, 3-5 minute, PMS ramblings about motherhood! Okay love you, bye! 😎


“We’re going on eight years of not being able to measure [success],” she continued. “I think that that’s a thing that nobody really talks about or that we don’t really get to talk about with each other. Your partner goes to work: they get promoted, they get raises, they complete their work for the day and they ... get to be like, ‘OK, I succeeded.’ But my [work] is just constant, all of the time, and there’s no metric for it.”

The dishes that Syd cleans will be dirty the next day. The laundry she folds on Monday will be worn on Tuesday and rewashed on Friday.

motherhood, homemaking, stay-at-home mom, laundryWork done in the home is never "done" and often goes unrecognized. Photo credit: Canva

Although Syd has yet to find a solution to this problem, she sees other ways to get the validation she craves. “It’s hard, especially because a lot of us don’t prioritize hobbies for ourselves. That’s a great place for us to find success or a feeling of accomplishment,” she said.

Syd’s video struck a chord with many stay-at-home mothers feeling the same way.

A commenter named Leigh noted that the need for external validation comes from the corporate culture in which Americans are raised. “On my best days, it is interesting to notice how tied we are to corporate-style success. On my worst, it is inescapably crushing,” she wrote in the most popular comment.

“It's the neverending loops that are never complete. We never get the satisfaction of a ‘job well done’ because nothing is ever really done,” Hazel added. “Once I started focusing on my own happiness, it got better.”

According to Love, the lack of praise for a job well done also means that it’s easy to be criticized. “When you’re doing everything right, there’s no praise, etc., but if you do anything wrong or are not perfect, then the issue gets thrown in your face in every way. So you end up feeling like a failure,” she wrote.

Syd told Upworthy that her followers have tried to help her recontextualize her feelings of worth. “Since the video, I’ve had a lot of conversations with moms about how we measure worth by being very wrapped up in productivity through a capitalist lens. It can be tough to divest from that, but it is also so important. Like, what’s a safe and secure childhood worth? Nothing technically, but also the entire world. We do that!” she told Upworthy.

motherhood, stay-at-home mom Validation comes in different ways for stay-at-home moms.Photo credit: Canva

She adds that a few of her followers suggested she should take up martial arts as a hobby. “I’m still pondering that one,” she told Upworthy.

Ultimately, Syd’s realization could have caused her to feel down about herself or resign to a never-ending feeling of being unfulfilled. However, she’s seen it as an opportunity to reevaluate her sense of self-worth and possibly as a reason to branch off into new and exciting hobbies outside her family.

This article originally appeared last year.

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Family

Toddler carries a dead cicada everywhere she goes—even to the dentist—and it's so sweet

This is the stuff you simply can't prepare for as a parent.

Image credit: Izzy Wherry/Instagram

It's not every day you see an emotional support cicada.

There are few things in this world more delightful than a child's imagination. Once in a while, we get a clear glimpse into that world when a kid does something that makes us scratch our heads and smile ear to ear in equal measure.

For instance, when a toddler finds a dead cicada and adopts it as a beloved companion.

Mom Izzy Wherry has been sharing her 2-year-old daughter's adventures and escapades with a cicada corpse that are hilariously endearing. The little one found a dead cicada in the family's yard, and for an entire month has been bringing him along with her everywhere she goes. He gets baths, he gets swung on the swing, he has his own remote office outside where he types on his little computer keyboard, and more.

He goes to the park, he's gone on a camping trip, and he even went to the dentist, where he lay next to Wherry's daughter on the dentist's chair as if he were an actual emotional support pet.

People are celebrating the girl's creative and compassionate care for her formerly-living friend as well as the cicada getting to live his best afterlife.

"He's lived a full life since he died 😂"

"Would you still love me if I was a dead cicada?"

"It's going to be the ring bearer on her wedding day."

"If he only knew how loved he is. 😂"

Many people expressed how beautiful it is to see a child just being a quintessential child. Some parents would never let their child carry a bug carcass around like this, but it's clear that this lone, dead cicada means something to this kiddo. Cicadas are loud (when they're alive), large and tough (the fact that he hasn't fallen apart yet is a testament to that), but it's notable that she's so careful and gentle in the way she handles him. Wherry confirmed that her daughter knows that the cicada is actually dead, but she still uses her imagination to bring him to life, which is both hilarious and sweet.

"I absolutely love her imagination and creativity!!!🩷😍😇"

"This so sweet and so innocent. Almost a shame they have to grow up."

"This is sooooo precious i love when parents let their kids be unapologetically kids ❤️"

"My daughter littered our home with rollie pollies and named them all MR. She collected rocks as well in all of her pockets. Wash day was a bit crazy 😂"

"My daughter found a dead ladybug and she made her a jacuzzi from a walnut shell...with saliva..."

"iPad kid ❌ playing with corpses ✅ maybe there is hope for the new generation."

in a world where parents are constantly battling television and tablets and other screen-based technologies, it's lovely to see a child engaging natural play inspired by the outdoors. Carrying around a dead cicada may not have been what her parents had in mind when they took their kiddo outside, but that's the beauty of children engaging with the natural world—you just never know what they're going to discover, create, collect or become attached to. Seeing a child's imagination in action is a fleeting privilege, and to capture and share it with others is a wonderful gift. Thanks to this family and the dead cicada for letting us into a little one's world for a while.

You can follow Izzy Wherry and her daughter's cicada adventures on Instagram.

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Joy

Comedian riffs on how different generations talk about their childhoods and he's not wrong

"Then you've got millennials, who basically had the complete opposite upbringing to Gen X…"

Photo credits: Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash (left and center), Andrea Piacquadio (right)

Memories from childhood vary widely between the generations.

There have always been gaps between generations, though arguably those gaps have grown larger with the accelerated social and technological changes of the past century. Generational differences show up in all kinds of ways, sometimes creating friction or misunderstandings but also providing great material for comedians.

Jake Lambert has created a whole series of videos pointing out some of the differences between how boomers, Gen X, millennials and Gen Z do various things, and they’re hilariously spot on.

One thing that separates one generation from another is the way our upbringings played out, and Lambert’s video “How the different generations talk about their childhoods” nails that fact. Naturally, individual childhood experiences will differ and there's some exaggeration for comedic effect, but overall he's not wrong.

Watch:

“First of all, you’ve got boomers who like to let you know how much the world was a better place when they were younger," he begins. "That people just left their doors unlocked 24 hours a day and that basically crime wasn’t invented until the 1970s.”

Yep, that's the story a lot of boomers tell.

“Then you’ve got Gen X," he continues. "They like to let you know how hard their upbringing was, that they’re from the 'school of hard knocks,' how they were just left to their own devices. If they weren’t at school, they were just told to go outside and keep themselves busy until it got dark.”

Also accurate.

Lambert then describes millennial upbringings, which were basically the polar opposite of Gen X, and then the weird technological paradox Gen Z has grown up with.

People weighed in on Lambert's assessment and shared some of their own childhood experiences.

“Gen X here … every video you hit the nail on the head! I totally relate.”

“As a millennial, I had to warn my boomer parent about the dangers of the internet — we’ve come full circle, y’all.”

“I like to think of my Gen X childhood as feral, and I'm glad I survived.”

“Funny as hell about GenZ parents!”

"It’s the internet is a dangerous place while documenting everything on all the socials for me….🤣🤣🤣"

"I'm an early millennial and got both gen x and millenial upbringing."

"Gen X definitely learned about stranger danger, but we were still outside all the time."

"I was a mix of Millenial and x, was kicked out of the house until the sun came down, but also told about all the strangers that would willingly kidnap me if I talked to them/opened the door/answered the phone."

"Okay, what Gen Xer is complaining about being left to our own devices? Most of us LOVE that facet of our childhood. We had so much freedom and independence. It was the best! 😍"

"I brought up my 'School of Hard Knocks' just last week to an Xer, haha. But, seriously, we were left a little too much alone. We have great childhood stories, though. Kids these days would have the cops on them if they did all we got to do."

"Boomers have very faulty memories! I should know, I am one."

You can follow Jake Lambert on Instagram.

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