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childbirth

For many women, childbirth is the hardest and most empowering thing they'll ever do.

Childbirth is a life-altering experience no matter how you do it, and, thankfully, these days we have choices in how we give birth. Epidurals have given women the option to remove much of the pain of childbirth and modern medicine has made c-sections safer than they used to be. However, there are still many women who choose, for various reasons, to labor and give birth without any medications at all. Some even choose to do it more than once.

One mom perfectly captured the experience many women have had after giving birth unmedicated in a video captioned, "So hard but so worth it after." The first few seconds show the mom immediately after her the birth as the nurse is cleaning up the baby. "Ah, gosh dang," the mom says. "That was terrible." Shortly thereafter, a woman's voice off camera asks, "Should I do it or no?" and the mom laughs through a shaky smile and bluntly says, "No."

woman just after giving birth unmedicated13M views · 85K reactions | so hard but so worth it after😂🤣🥹 #unmedicatedbirth #unmedicatedlabor #midwife #birthstory #noepidural #epidural #birth | My Infertility FightMy Infertility Fight/Facebook.

But it's a whole different story a few days later, when she's seen all smiles holding her newborn. "Me 4 days later already planning on doing it again with my next baby," the text overlay reads.

How did she go from "Terrible, nope" to "Let's do that again!" in a matter of days? Having had three unmedicated births myself, that flip-flop is all too familiar. It's common to reach a place of "OMG WHY DID I DO THIS I WILL NEVER DO THIS AGAIN" sometime in the labor and birthing process as your body is pushed and stretched to its limit. There are moments you're convinced it's impossible and you're pretty sure you can't take another minute of it. How long it takes to get past that point and experience the rush that counteracts the pain varies person to person, but for many women (certainly not all), the overall experience is empowering and exhilarating enough that they end up wanting to do it all over again.

Contrary to popular belief, research indicates that women don't really forget the pain of labor. Like anything else, experiences vary from person to person, but speaking for myself, I still haven't forgotten the pain of childbirth two decades later. The pain part was as gnarly as people describe it, but I prepared for it and did what I could to manage it mentally and physically. Ultimately, I came away from my first birth feeling like a literal superhero with no limit to what I could do. It's hard to describe the power of that feeling, but it's what made me do it two more times.

The mom's video got people asking why on Earth someone would choose to put themselves through the pain of childbirth if they don't have to. "You don't get extra points for that," and "What are women trying to prove?" are common sentiments when someone talks about giving birth without meds, but moms make that choice for a variety of reasons and it's rarely to prove anything to anyone. Sometimes it's because medications come with some risk and they want to avoid those risks, even if they're small. Sometimes it's because women are curious about what the natural process of labor and birth feels like and they want to fully experience it. For some, it's similar to why people run marathons—to see what they and their bodies are capable of. Some have bad experiences with meds or simply don't enjoy the idea of feeling numb or not having control over their body.

Here are some moms' explanations for why they chose unmedicated childbirth:

"I was 100% natural both times because I wanted to fully experience it. The thought of an epidural petrified me more than child birth as well. Like 500x more scared. Wasn't out to prove anything to anyone. WAY before social media was a place to share these things. I just wanted full control."

"Honestly, I did mine naturally purely because as a woman I have always been curious about the feeling of labor and delivery. It’s just something I had to experience and honestly I really enjoyed my experience. I wouldn’t say I suffered either. The pain was manageable."

"I wanted to prove to myself that I could do it. I was also very worried about the first few days of my baby’s life being with me having a spinal headache which I got from a spinal tap. I did unmedi[c]ated for a 35 hour birth with 12 hours on pitocin for my daughter. My son I labored 30 hours unmedicated then tired an epidural for a few hours since I was heading to a C-section. I hated the epidural—I felt so out of control with it. I so much preferred unmedicated."

""Sometimes it just goes too fast! With my first there was no time, and I hadn't planned on getting anything. I have high pain tolerance, so wasn't worried. The gal in the hospital room next to me had had an epidural. I was the 4th mom to room with her in a week. She was going on her second week flat on her back with a bad headache and other side effects. She was not allowed out of bed, and could not hold her baby without assistance. I decided if I had more children all births would be natural. A woman should be free to choose without people judging her one way or the other."

And that's really the crux of it—there's no need to judge someone's experience, no matter how they give birth. Every birth is different, every person has different preferences, and people shouldn't knock another's choice simply because it's not the one they would make. Instead, let's celebrate the fact that we do have choices that our ancestors didn't have and give one another the grace to share our birth experiences in all their glory without making assumptions or judgments about them.

Moms admit they'd choose their life over their child's in childbirth.

Surprise! There's a debate going around social media, specifically TikTok, about mothers who would choose to save their own lives over their baby's life if complications arose during birth. Apparently, the internet is having some big feelings, and surprisingly—or maybe not surprisingly—it's coming from other women.

Honestly, when I first saw the videos going around about this very heated debate, I didn't think much of it. But the conversation continued to grow and the judgment of moms who would choose themselves was abundant, so I decided to have a look-see. The debate started after Anabel Morales went viral on the platform for posting a video with a text overlay.



“To my husband: If I’m giving birth, and the doctor says you need to pick between me or the baby. Please save me. I don’t want Ethan to grow up without a mom, & I don’t want you to have to raise two babies alone while also grieving your wife,” Morales wrote.

Unsurprisingly, many moms agreed, myself included. The thought of leaving behind children to grieve the loss of their mother while being cared for by a father who is also grieving his wife seems unfathomable to some when there's a choice involved. But to others, the clear choice is on the other end of the spectrum because they couldn't imagine living without their child. Currently, the 6-second video has 6.6 million views and over a half million likes.

"My mom sadly passed away because it was either me or her. But no one understands how hard it was for me and my dad. Having him raise me alone and me having to grow up without a mom. So I will choose myself no matter how forced I am to choose the baby. Because I don't want the baby going through what I did. It sucks," one commenter shared.

That certainly adds another layer that I don't think many people considered when having this hypothetical but very possible debate. In America, the pregnancy mortality rate is much higher than in other developed nations, with the 2018 CDC data showing that the pregnancy mortality rate among white non-Hispanic people at 13.7 deaths per 100,000 births. The rate is significantly higher for Indigenous and Black people at 26.5 and 41.4 deaths per 100,000 births, respectively.

@anabelmoralezz

😩😩 #trending #viral #pickme #husbandwife #laboranddelivery #savethemoms #foryou #foryoupage #fy #fyp #momsoftiktok

"I used to say save the baby not me. Now that I have a daughter I think so differently," another mom wrote.

"I had these feelings during my third pregnancy and felt so guilty. I'm glad I'm not the only one that feels this way," someone else commented.

On the other side of the camp, plenty of people said they would choose their baby. While some were more respectful in their word choice than others, the sentiment was clear.

What you would do in a situation where the choice is between you and your soon-to-be Earth-side baby is completely personal. It's something discussed in hopes that the choice never has to be made, but for some families it does, and it's one of those instances where there's no right answer. The choice between grief and grief feels impossible because no matter what, everyone will hurt.

As someone who has given birth to three children and who was raised by a labor-and-delivery nurse, you'd think I'd have a good handle on the physical mechanics of childbirth. But despite knowing all the terminology and experiencing all the details first hand—uterine contractions, cervical dilation, etc.—I'm a visual person, and most of the birth process happens internally. Feeling it and being told what's happening isn't the same as being able to visualize what's actually happening.

Enter high school teacher Brooke Bernal, who teaches consumer sciences. She shared a video on TikTok demonstrating how she teaches her students about childbirth, which she says is her "all time favorite lesson," using a balloon and a ping-pong ball. It's a simple, but-oh-so-helpful demonstration that even helped me get a better grip on the miracle of childbirth. (Without the baby shooting across the room at the end, of course.)


Bernal explains that the big round part of the balloon is the uterus, the skinny tube part is the birth canal, and the opening is the cervix. Then she puts a ping-pong ball into the balloon and shows how the pressure of the contractions causes the ball baby to push on the cervix, causing it to thin out (efface) and open up (dilate).

There's one little hiccup with this demonstration, which is that the "birth canal" isn't actually above the cervix like shown in Bernal's video. The cervix is immediately outside of the uterus, and then the birth canal is the vagina below that. So in a real birth, what you see happening with the cervix would happen before the baby goes through the birth canal (and is, in fact, what allows the baby to do so).

A video that may have served as the inspiration for this one (Bernal told Buzzfeed that she had seen the idea shared in a teacher group on social media but wasn't sure where it came from) illustrates that a bit more clearly:

Use a balloon and ping pong ball to show how the cervix thins and dilates during laborwww.youtube.com

Aside from the birth canal bit, Bernal's video is great. The first awesome part is how she illustrates the difference between Braxton-Hicks contractions and real contractions. For those who haven't experienced the joy of thinking you were in labor half a dozen times before you actually were, Braxton-Hicks contractions are basically practice contractions. It's your uterus running drills. Some people have them for weeks before real labor starts, and they can be pretty uncomfortable..

Real contractions come from the top of the uterus and actually move the baby down into the birth canal. This part of the video makes that difference so clear.

The other part that I found helpful was the effacement and dilation illustrations. Not being able to see your own cervix, it's hard to imagine what a midwife or doctor means when they tell you you're "90% effaced" or "7 cm dilated." You can see it in drawn diagrams, but I don't find those nearly as helpful as watching that balloon opening get thinner and wider as the ball was being pushed down.

"Normally, this demonstration does not faze my students at all," Bernal told Buzzfeed. "They are really just surprised that a ping pong ball can fit into a balloon and that a balloon can stretch like it does without popping. It's just a good visual aid for them."

"And, yes, they know a baby will not actually yeet across the room!" she added. "I personally feel that they get more out of me showing it this way than they would watching birthing videos because it's something that is hands on and they can't just zone out."

I will say, though, that as illustrative as it was to see the mechanics of contractions, effacement, and dilation goes, it's definitely a limited demonstration. First of all, babies are nowhere near the size of a ping-pong ball, and that whole contraction > effacement > dilation > baby popping out process takes a heck of a lot longer and involves a crapton more work than that. It doesn't even touch on the reality of what our bodies go through and what it's really like to grow an entire human being and then push it out through an opening that does not look or feel nearly large enough to do so.

So yes, this demonstration (with the caveat about the birth canal) combined with some real-life footage would go a long way in helping people understand what's happening during childbirth.

Well done, Ms. Bernal.

Photo by Alex Hockett on Unsplash

Imagine being pregnant in the middle of a pandemic, when a hospital full of potentially contagious patients is the last place you want to set foot. Where and how are you going to bring your baby into the world?

Thousands of parents-to-be facing this question have scrambled to make a plan that keep them and their baby safe during the coronavirus outbreak. And many have turned to the experts in safe birthing in non-hospital settings—midwives.

Depending on where you live, midwife-assisted birth in a non-hospital setting may be seen as totally normal, or it may be viewed with suspicions about safety. In the U.S., midwife-attended births had seen an uptick even before the pandemic, but the vast majority of births still take place in hospitals. In other countries, home births attended by midwives is the norm for low-risk births.


With the new coronavirus likely not leaving anytime soon, folks in the U.S. might want to hop on the "this is normal" train. With restrictions on visitors and birth support people, as well as the risk of infection, more and more parents are opting for an out-of-hospital birth experience.

Despite being the first state hit hard by the virus, Washington state has had a "tremendous leg up" on this front, says Jen Segadelli, Co-President of the Midwives' Association of Washington State and Clinical Education Supervisor of the Department of Midwifery at Bastyr University. Decades of relationship-building between the midwives and OBs in Washington has created a strong culture of collaboration, she says, making childbirth care in a pandemic far easier than in states where midwives and OBs operate mostly in separate spheres.

However, even in a state where doctors and midwives work well together, the unique circumstances of a pandemic create an entirely new set of challenges and considerations. Coincidentally—and thankfully—a playbook for handling childbirth during a pandemic had already been partially written in Washington before the virus even hit.

Seattle-area midwife Tara Lawal, who runs Rainier Valley Community Clinic, had written her Masters thesis on developing a midwife-led community-based model of care, which includes midwife-physician collaboration—a vital piece of the pandemic birth equation. And Emily Jones, a current Bastyr University midwifery student, is nearly finished writing her Masters thesis on the role of midwives in disaster preparedness. The central question of her paper: "What happens when hospitals run out of beds?" Talk about good timing.

Segadelli, Lawal, Jones, and other community birth providers in Washington have created a COVID-19 Response Coalition to address the needs of birthing families during the pandemic using the knowledge laid out in those midwives' research. "The goal is to not get ourselves to a place where we are suddenly New York and like 'Aw crap. We might have to divert two thousand births out of the hospital in two weeks, and where are we going to put them?'" says Segadelli.

For midwives, the specifics of "where" aren't as important as simply having a plan. "We can catch a baby anywhere," says Segadelli. "We would just prefer that there be four walls and running water and heat."

Washington has dozens of licensed freestanding birth centers, which offers a degree of out-of-hospital infrastructure in addition to home birth options. But not all states have those facilities. New York, for example, has just two freestanding birth centers, both in Brooklyn. So creative solutions have to be found when hospitals get overrun and birth centers aren't available.

Segadelli says one option is setting up ad-hoc birth centers in hotels or Airbnbs in addition to home births. However, varying state laws and regulations make those options trickier in some states than others. For example, some states don't allow midwives to carry certain life-saving medications, and some don't even allow midwives to legally practice at all.

Segadelli says differing state laws means a hyperlocal approach must be taken:

"This is the downside to the federalist legal system, right? We essentially have 50 different legal systems in this country. Our legality of practices are different state by state, and our scope of practice is different state by state. There are some states where you can't carry anti-hemorrhagic medication. You can't carry Pitocin to stop a postpartum hemorrhage. So the way that those midwives might be forced to manage this is going to look different than it's going to look like for midwives in Washington, who enjoy a pretty liberal scope of practice and a pretty extensive drug legend for emergency management."


Segadellisays midwives has seen a 25% to 100% increase in demand across the state since the pandemic began. Some requests are from patients who are near their due date, which poses an extra challenge for midwives who are used to working closely with patients throughout their pregnancy. Late-term transfers don't allow much time for relationship-building, and patients may not be prepared for the reality of an out-of-hospital birth without the option of an epidural. But in a crisis, people do what they have to do.

And problem-solving in real time is exactly what midwives do. "I think that's what midwives do well," says Segadelli. "We innovate. We problem-solve. We always have." Midwives also have valuable birth care expertise that traditional OBs don't. Doctors have begun approaching midwives in Washington asking how to get patients out of the hospital after birth quickly, which is standard practice for most midwives. Segadelli says that kind of knowledge sharing will serve birthing patients well, not only during this pandemic, but in any potential disaster situation.

"We are hopeful that we have somewhat managed to avert crisis in this state with early action with social distancing and preventative measures," says Segadelli. "But we are also hopeful that this has started a bigger conversation about when this happens again—I won't even say 'if,' we're way too connected as a global society for it not to happen again—or an earthquake or some other kind of crisis or disaster—when we're faced with it, that we've started to lay some groundwork here with our colleagues and as a healthcare system that recognizes we're going to have to have a plan. Because if we don't have a plan, the people who fall through the cracks are the birthing people and the babies."

While OBs are experts in surgical birth and high-risk birth situations, midwives are the experts in normal, low-risk birth. Both kinds of expertise are needed in a crisis, so the more birth care providers work in conjunction with one another, the better the outcome for all birthing families.