A 1965 child birth invention brought to life is terrifying
Have you ever wondered what it would be like to give birth while you're strapped inside an F-15 fighter jet doing a flat spin? Neither have most people who have given birth but that didn't stop someone from inventing something just as concerning. "The Blonsky Device," which should probably be named the baby catapult machine, was invented by George and Charlotte Blonsky in 1965.
The two were trying to find a way to help ease the process of birthing a child as the process looks incredibly painful and can take more than 24 hours at times. Their hearts were in the right place, though their idea probably should have stayed as pillow talk, alas, it did not. The couple scurried to the patent office to secure their invention before anyone else could come up with the same idea.
The Blonsky Device is certainly an interesting way to aid in helping a baby descend the birth canal. What makes the invention so peculiar? Well, doctors would need to manually strap a laboring mother to a metal table, securing her by her wrists, ankles and a heavy duty chest plate. The table then elevates and tilts before it begins to spin until it reaches 8 G-force, which is equivalent to what fighter jet pilots experience.
Flying Top Gun GIF by XboxGiphy
Yes, they planned to take a pregnant person and spin them to use centrifugal force to "aid" in childbirth. If you were worried about the baby, calm your fears. A net is placed just below the mom's feet to catch the newborn being delivered at 8 G-forces, and incase no one notices and infant being shot into the net, there's a bell that will ding to let doctors know the baby has arrived.
Aside from the obvious dangers of this invention, there are so many questions. Will the net be large enough to catch the baby? What happens if the mom has to vomit? Do they stop the table for cervical checks? Thankfully, for birthing people around the world, there has never been a reason to answer these questions because the invention never made it beyond the patent stage.
But the curiosity on how the contraption works and what it would look like has been answered by Science Gallery Dublin, who built a life-sized replica of the machine, and Hashem Al-Ghaili who generated a video of how it would work. Al-Ghaili's video has racked up 4.4 million views on TikTok with actual humans that have given birth weighing in with their thoughts on the device.
"Okay not only is that insane I don’t even wanna think of the fluids that’ll be sprayed 360°," one person says.
"Can you imagine the contraction pain and then the table is just spinning?! Bruh I’d be so mad," another laughs.
"I got overstimulated when the nurse kept rubbing my leg. I fear I'd crash out if I just started spinning out of nowhere," one woman writes.
"I felt like I was gonna throw up the whole time was in labor and I can’t imagine adding spinning to it. I would just be a mess," a different mom adds.
"Yes. Females all over the world have been birthing offspring for millions of years and a man somewhere went, 'I have a better way for women to give birth,'" someone else chimes in.
Many assumed that there was no woman involved in the invention of this hazardous contraption, but it was co-invented by Blonsky's wife, Charlotte. In their defense, they did not have children of their own and sexual education was limited in the 60s, so it's very likely they only had a general idea of how babies were born.
not ready baroness von sketch GIFGiphy
The idea came to them after they witnessed an elephant spin while giving birth. One would gather the elephant was not spinning at any level of G-force given the size and weight of the elephant, as well as...physics. This detail didn't stop the Blonskys from getting creative and thanks to their willingness to think outside the box–way outside the box, we can look back and have a giggle. No babies or birthing people were harmed.