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Woman reconnects with her high school bully and finds out people aren't always who they once seemed

Almost everyone has been bullied. Not even gets to have a surprising reunion.

Photo by Obie Fernandez on Unsplash
girl in blue sleeveless dress

Bullies. So many of us had them. Whether it was the subtle "Mean Girls" digs or full-on being shoved into a locker, there was usually that ONE (or three) person in your younger years who made your stomach drop the moment you saw them. They seemed to live to make your life miserable, and all too often, they succeeded.


i know right mean girls GIFGiphy

A woman took to Reddit and asked, "Who got bullied in school/college? Where are your bullies now?"

Great question. As someone who Insta-stalks every single crush I've had since kindergarten, it never occurred to me to look up the people who hadn’t always been so pleasant.

After the OP posed the question, she told her own story. "There was a group of girls, particularly one girl who'd pick on me. Basically, her boyfriend had broken up with her because he had started to like me. So yeah, she'd bully me a lot, and I never had a good relationship with her in school."

But things took a surprising turn somewhat recently! She adds, "…until a year ago, our best friends from school basically cheated on us with each other. (I don't have a better way to explain this, but yeah, we both got abandoned by our best friends.) This left us dealing with a lot of mental issues. During this time, we both connected with each other online and became each other's emotional support."

It gets even better. "She apologized to me for everything she'd done, and I genuinely forgave her. We've become really, really close now, and it makes me happy to think that things turned out this way."

Many Reddit users chimed in to tell their own tales of bullying and updates on their whereabouts. Said bullies' lives reportedly ranged from fabulous and successful (one runs a Fortune 500 company) to not-so-great and possibly current cult members. One person adds a funny observation about hypocrisy: "A lot of them are now 'life coaches' and 'influencers' who talk about loving yourself and being kind. F-ing irony."

woman in pink tank top and blue denim jeans sitting on yellow chair Photo by Laura Chouette on Unsplash

Instead of befriending their bullies, many on the thread have learned to take their power back by simply ignoring them. One shares, "I get repeated follow requests on Instagram from one of them. He passively stalks me. Two years ago, he DM'd me, and I just saw it and screenshot it. Later, he would proceed to like my Instagram stories and photos, and as usual, I kept ignoring him. LMAO."

Looking Good Social Media GIF by TravisGiphy

She says it didn't even occur to her that this was some sort of victory: "I was so much into my own world that it took me a while to realize how some people can perceive this as a victorious/ 'revenge' moment."

And lastly, there's the perspective that comes with age. A Redditor shares that after attending her 25th high school reunion, she saw this group for what they really were:
"It was glaringly obvious. Once they ascertained my station in life, they grudgingly offered some polite greetings, but they couldn't hide their disdain on their faces. From time to time, they checked if they could get away with laughing at something about me. When they couldn't get any reaction, they looked disappointed."

romy and micheles high school reunion GIFGiphy

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Parenting

Father takes daughter's bullying victim on a shopping trip to teach her a lesson

When Randy Smalls of South Carolina discovered that his teenage daughter was making fun of a classmate over her clothes and makeup, he took swift action.

via Youtube/Strahan, Sara and Keke

Randy Smalls of South Carolina

Bullying is a huge problem. According to DoSomething.org, 1 in 5 students ages 12-18 in the United States are bullied during the school year, and approximately 160,000 teens have skipped school because of bullying. So when Randy Smalls of South Carolina discovered that his teenage daughter was making fun of a classmate over her clothes and makeup, he took swift action.

Smalls instantly felt sympathy for Ryan Reese, a seventh-grader at Berkeley Middle School, having been bullied in his youth. So he took money meant for his daughter and went on a shopping spree with Ryan to get some new clothes and a makeover.

Smalls' wife and Ryan's mother Richauna Reese are friends, but they weren't aware of the bullying until recently. The families got on the phone after speaking to Ryan, and Smalls asked if he could take Ryan to buy new clothes and get a makeover at the beauty salon.

Smalls used money initially intended to buy his 13-year-old daughter some new clothes, but after learning about her bullying, he decided to spend the money on Ryan instead.

"I say, 'When you laugh along, you're co-signing the bullying," Smalls told Yahoo News.

"My daughter was upset, especially because she is into fashion," he said. "So she came with us and helped pick out Ryan's new clothes."

While his daughter was at church, Smalls took Ryan to the beauty salon and paid for twice-a-month appointments until the end of the year.

After hearing about the good gesture, local salons have also offered to keep Ryan looking stylish for the next few months.

Richauna, Ryan's mother, told Yahoo News that her daughter was struggling after the recent deaths of her father, grandfather, and aunt, as well as non-epileptic seizures caused by the stress.

The shopping trip has helped Ryan immensely. "I wasn't expecting it. I just started to cry. It (the bullying) was really sad for me because I had lost my grandpa, father, and aunt, and it really took me deep down in my depression," Ryan explained.

"This is the first time I have seen a parent take such a stance on bullying," Richauna added.

Smalls was overwhelmed by the response and says that it's helped his daughter see her mistake.

"I didn't expect for this to get big but I'm glad if other parents [can learn from it]," Smalls said. "My daughter learned her lesson."

"As parents, we have to take responsibility for what our children do," Smalls told ABC's Strahan, Sara, and Keke. "We can teach our children, but when they go and are around other children they can veer off a little bit. When situations like this happen, we have to take action and be the parent and not the friend."

And the pair seem to be getting along better for the experience. "They're cool now," Richauna said.

Watch to young girls break down the story in this adorable YouTube video:

This article originally appeared five years ago.

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They were targeted by a cruel TikTok challenge. How they responded is an example to us all.

These disability activists are who our kids should look up to as role models.

Lizzie Velasquez/Twitter, Melissa Blake/Twitter

Back in the summer of 2020, a cruel prank began circulating on TikTok that showed how the popular social media platform can be used in some of the oldest forms of bullying. Dubbed the #NewTeacherChallenge, parents shared cruel videos of them telling their kids that they have a new teacher, showing the kids the face of someone who is disabled or who has a facial deformity or disfigurement, and then filming the child's reaction.

If that sounds horrible, it's because it is.

The people whose faces were being used in this challenge have every right to be angry and hurt. There is no excuse for this kind of behavior, and no one would blame them if they colorfully told the whole internet to shove it.

But two of the targets in these challenges are well-known disability activists who somehow manage to always take the high road, serving as an example to the rest of us. Their ability to respond to people's basest behaviors with dignity and strength, calling out the cruelty with clear and calm eloquence, saying over and over again, "It is absolutely not okay to treat me or any other human being this way and here's why," is awe-inspiring. If you want a role model for your kids, look to these ladies.

Lizzie Velasquez was born with a rare congenital disease called Marfanoid–progeroid–lipodystrophy syndrome, which prevents her from putting on weight, among other physical symptoms After being dubbed "The World's Ugliest Woman" at age 17, she became a popular of advocacy for people who are different, for anti-bullying, and for teaching empathy and compassion. She continues to be an ongoing target of horrible memes and jokes, and yet she continues to respond by teaching valuable lessons and showing her own kind heart with her motivational speaking.

She shared a video when the New Teacher Challenge first started surfacing, explaining how the prank was not okay:

This week, she posted another video showing how not to teach your kids about empathy utilizing this challenge. Some parents might use it as a teaching opportunity, getting kids to see why their own reactions are unkind, but if the parent's own reaction to the reaction is to laugh, then kids can get confused and the lesson gets lost.

Responses to Velasquez's videos have been largely positive, but of course she has also received even more cruel messages. And again, she reacts by stating that these people "need help figuring out how to channel their own anger/hate in a way that doesn't hurt someone else." (I would personally like to tell these people to shove it on her behalf, but I will try to follow her example.)

Melissa Blake is another disability activist and writer who has been the subject of countless jokes, memes, and pranks on social media. She wrote an article for Refinery29 about her face being used as a prop for unkindness-as-entertainment in the New Teacher Challenge.

One thing she pointed out was that the parents making these videos aren't just being cruel to her and others with disabilities, but also to their own children.

"I can't help but feel sorry for their children," she wrote. "Imagine your mom filming a vulnerable moment, one where you can't help but burst into tears, and they actually post it for the whole world to see. How is humiliating your child, or watching other children go through that, a source of amusement?"

She was also direct about the impact this cruel treatment has on her personally:

"I want to be clear: I am violated. Every single time. Each photo, taunt, and cruel word is a clear violation of my dignity and my worth as a human being. And every time these platforms fail to take action, they're sending the message that this bullying is okay. So many disabled people have become inured to our appearance being mocked. That's not something we should ever have to get used to."

Blake battles the trolls in a delightfully subversive way—by insisting she be seen in all her glory, refusing to hide away the way some tell her she should, and letting bullies know they will not win in her world.

Not only should we be teaching our kids to understand and embrace that some people are going to look different or move differently or have different abilities, but we should also show our kids outstanding examples of strength, resilience, and respect they can look up to. These women fit that bill to a tee.


This article originally appeared on 8.31.20

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Mom has 10 helpful one-liners for raising kind kids so you can stop having to repeat yourself

"You can be mad, but don't be mean."

via RaisingKindKids/TikTok (used with permission)

Nicole shares 10 of her favorite parenting one-liners.

Clear communication and consistency are essential when dealing with children. An excellent way for parents to be consistent in their parenting is to have a hip pocket full of memorable one-liners that remind their kids to treat everyone respectfully, including themselves. These one-liners also help establish and reinforce family rules.

Nicole, a mother of three and founder of the Raising Kind Kids Club, is going viral on TikTok for a post where she shares the memorable one-liners she uses with her children, who are now teenagers. The one-liners are all examples of kind, gentle and respectful parenting. They are also a great way to reinforce rules and values.

“Cause when we say things over and over and over again, it can feel like ‘Oh my gosh, why do I have to keep repeating myself?’ so we have some one-liners that just make things so much easier and more importantly, they work cause our kids know what they mean,” Nicole shared in her video with over 1.9 million views.

@raisingkindkids

Parenting one liners that work to make parenting easier Like this gem: you can be mad without being mean. Add yours! #par#parentsoftiktokr#parentingtipsr#parentinghacksr#parenting101s#respectfulparentingi#raisingkindkids

Here are 10 of Nicole’s go-to one-liners:

  1. When Nicole’s children complain that their friends get to do things they don’t, she says: “Every family has different rules.”
  1. To remind her kids that it’s never okay to make fun of someone’s appearance, she says, “We don't comment on other people's bodies."
  1. Nicole’s husband has a great line for when her kids mock something someone likes: “Don't yuck someone else's yum.”
  1. Nicole doesn’t believe that her children should be forced into friendships, but she does want them to be respectful, so she reminds them that “You don't have to be friends with everyone, but you have to be friendly.”
  1. To teach her children about consent, she regularly says: "Stop means stop" and "No means no."
  1. When they’re being adventurous and could injure themselves: "Make good choices for your body.”
  1. She confronts disingenuous apologies with: "I'm sorry it's just words a real apology is a change in behavior."
  1. When the kids are being sarcastic, she asks for clear speech: "Say what you mean and mean what you say."
  1. When her children are scared and need to push through the emotion, she helps them gain extra strength by saying, "It's okay to be nervous. You can be brave and scared and do it anyway."
  1. If her kids come to her with a problem, she allows them to choose her response: "Do you want help, advice, or just listening?"

The folks in the comments had some additional one-liners that can also be very helpful for raising kind kids. “I learned a ton more great one-liners from our online community,” Nicole told Upworthy. “But my favorite new line is: ‘You don’t have to like them but you can’t recruit other people not to like them.’ This is from @TheLadySarah and it's a great way to remind kids to avoid 'mean girl' behaviors, which can quickly turn into social bullying behaviors.”

Here are a few other memorable one-liners from folks in the comments:

"We keep surprises, not secrets.”

“All feelings are welcomed. All behaviors are not.”

"Dimming someone else's light does not make yours brighter."

As a disability advocate, she shared her one-liner that teaches tolerance: “Everyone’s brains and bodies work differently.”

Nicole told Upworthy she was inspired to start the Raising Kind Kids Club after her daughter was bullied. “The one thing that saved her mental health (and mine) was the kindness of others,” she said. “Kindness can be taught and we can encourage kids to want to be kind more often, eventually making kindness a habit. And that's how we can change the world around us: raise a generation of kind kids who speak and act with more kindness, more often, who stand up to bullying behaviors, who celebrate each others' differences and who show empathy and compassion to those around them.”

You can read more about Nicole and her followers' one-liners at Coffee and Carpool.

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