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Mom shows the heart-wrenching reality of kids being left out of class birthday party invites

"I'm sad for you cause that's not nice. That's not how we treat other people, right?"

Photo credit: Canva

Mom shows heartbreaking reality of preschool 'mean girls'

A heartbroken mom starts an important conversation about the impact of excluding children after her daughter reveals she was the only child not invited to a classmates birthday party. Nothing hurts a parent's heart like seeing your child cry after someone hurts their feelings. You know the day will come at some point but nothing ever quite prepares you for how you will handle it once it happens.

Young children don't understand why they're being left out of things or why someone would purposely hurt their feelings so it can hit them hard. Alyssa Miller came to the abrupt realization that her daughter was the odd girl out in class after she tearfully confesses she wasn't invited to a classmates birthday party. In the video shared to social media, Miller starts recording in the middle of the conversation while the two are sitting in the car after school pick up.

"How do you know you didn't get invited," the mom asks, to which her daughter replies through tears, "she told me." This revelation is clearly a little jarring for Miller but she tries to remain light and comforting for her child, explaining that it wasn't nice for the other child to say that. While Miller's daughter is only in Voluntary Pre Kindergarten (VPK), this type of exclusionary behavior isn't new for little kids.

Sad Married At First Sight GIF by LifetimeGiphy

"That's not how we treat other people right? And you're so beautiful and you're so kind, okay? This has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them, okay? I love you. You're worthy of great, amazing friends, okay? Sometimes they just take a while to find," the mom says through tears while hugging her crying daughter.

This increase in bullying behaviors in girls as young as five years old has been being discussed for decades. In a study published in 2020 by the National Library of Medicine the authors explain, "Younger preschoolers also exhibit relatively simple and direct relational aggression, such as directly telling a peer they cannot play with them, whereas older preschoolers and school age children start to show more complicated relational aggression, such as playing nice upfront but disseminating malicious rumors behind the back."


@alyssa_miller01 I debated on whether or not to share this. But my girl is just so heart broke. Raising your child to think it’s acceptable to intentionally leave out another child and make them feel less than is something I will never be ok with. Teach your babies to be kind and welcoming to everyone. I thought I would have YEARS before something like this happened but sadly here we are in VPK. #kindness #teachkindness #bekind #bullies #bully #leftout #kidsoftiktok #parentsoftiktok #momsoftiktok ♬ original sound - Lyss

Unfortunately, this type of exclusionary behavior is what Miller's daughter experienced at preschool. In the mom's caption she shares that she knew this day would come but she wasn't expecting it so soon.

"I debated on whether or not to share this. But my girl is just so heart broke. Raising your child to think it’s acceptable to intentionally leave out another child and make them feel less than is something I will never be ok with. Teach your babies to be kind and welcoming to everyone. I thought I would have YEARS before something like this happened but sadly here we are in VPK," she writes.

youtube love GIF by SoulPancakeGiphy

Miller's emotional response to her daughter's pain resonated with other parents who offered the duo support in the comments. Even pop star Meghan Trainor offered support writing in all caps, "ILL INVITE HER OMG TELL HER I LOVE HER," complete with four sobbing emojis.

"Her fixing your hair after you fixed hers, you’re modeling such kindness and love for her, she’s going to be such an emotionally intelligent and kind grownup," one person says.

"You told her all the right things mama how heartbreaking," another chimes in.


Sad Cry GIFGiphy

"This happened to my son, all the kids talked about it at pickup and my son hid behind me crying. Thankfully the teacher reached out to all the parents and said it's unacceptable and not right," someone else shares.

"Oh my gosh! My heart broke!! You’re such a good mama! I loved that you told her It has nothing to with her and everything to do with them!! Please let baby girl know that she is so so loved," a commenter offers.

There were plenty of invites from across the country from people offering to throw the girl her own party to authors wanting to send children's books. The support Miller received from her tearful moment with her daughter was palpable. Hopefully after this negative experience the little girl will have much happier days ahead with friends that will always want her to come to their birthday parties.


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They were targeted by a cruel TikTok challenge. How they responded is an example to us all.

These disability activists are who our kids should look up to as role models.

Lizzie Velasquez/Twitter, Melissa Blake/Twitter

Back in the summer of 2020, a cruel prank began circulating on TikTok that showed how the popular social media platform can be used in some of the oldest forms of bullying. Dubbed the #NewTeacherChallenge, parents shared cruel videos of them telling their kids that they have a new teacher, showing the kids the face of someone who is disabled or who has a facial deformity or disfigurement, and then filming the child's reaction.

If that sounds horrible, it's because it is.

The people whose faces were being used in this challenge have every right to be angry and hurt. There is no excuse for this kind of behavior, and no one would blame them if they colorfully told the whole internet to shove it.

But two of the targets in these challenges are well-known disability activists who somehow manage to always take the high road, serving as an example to the rest of us. Their ability to respond to people's basest behaviors with dignity and strength, calling out the cruelty with clear and calm eloquence, saying over and over again, "It is absolutely not okay to treat me or any other human being this way and here's why," is awe-inspiring. If you want a role model for your kids, look to these ladies.

Lizzie Velasquez was born with a rare congenital disease called Marfanoid–progeroid–lipodystrophy syndrome, which prevents her from putting on weight, among other physical symptoms After being dubbed "The World's Ugliest Woman" at age 17, she became a popular of advocacy for people who are different, for anti-bullying, and for teaching empathy and compassion. She continues to be an ongoing target of horrible memes and jokes, and yet she continues to respond by teaching valuable lessons and showing her own kind heart with her motivational speaking.

She shared a video when the New Teacher Challenge first started surfacing, explaining how the prank was not okay:

This week, she posted another video showing how not to teach your kids about empathy utilizing this challenge. Some parents might use it as a teaching opportunity, getting kids to see why their own reactions are unkind, but if the parent's own reaction to the reaction is to laugh, then kids can get confused and the lesson gets lost.

Responses to Velasquez's videos have been largely positive, but of course she has also received even more cruel messages. And again, she reacts by stating that these people "need help figuring out how to channel their own anger/hate in a way that doesn't hurt someone else." (I would personally like to tell these people to shove it on her behalf, but I will try to follow her example.)

Melissa Blake is another disability activist and writer who has been the subject of countless jokes, memes, and pranks on social media. She wrote an article for Refinery29 about her face being used as a prop for unkindness-as-entertainment in the New Teacher Challenge.

One thing she pointed out was that the parents making these videos aren't just being cruel to her and others with disabilities, but also to their own children.

"I can't help but feel sorry for their children," she wrote. "Imagine your mom filming a vulnerable moment, one where you can't help but burst into tears, and they actually post it for the whole world to see. How is humiliating your child, or watching other children go through that, a source of amusement?"

She was also direct about the impact this cruel treatment has on her personally:

"I want to be clear: I am violated. Every single time. Each photo, taunt, and cruel word is a clear violation of my dignity and my worth as a human being. And every time these platforms fail to take action, they're sending the message that this bullying is okay. So many disabled people have become inured to our appearance being mocked. That's not something we should ever have to get used to."

Blake battles the trolls in a delightfully subversive way—by insisting she be seen in all her glory, refusing to hide away the way some tell her she should, and letting bullies know they will not win in her world.

Not only should we be teaching our kids to understand and embrace that some people are going to look different or move differently or have different abilities, but we should also show our kids outstanding examples of strength, resilience, and respect they can look up to. These women fit that bill to a tee.


This article originally appeared on 8.31.20

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Mom has 10 helpful one-liners for raising kind kids so you can stop having to repeat yourself

"You can be mad, but don't be mean."

via RaisingKindKids/TikTok (used with permission)

Nicole shares 10 of her favorite parenting one-liners.

Clear communication and consistency are essential when dealing with children. An excellent way for parents to be consistent in their parenting is to have a hip pocket full of memorable one-liners that remind their kids to treat everyone respectfully, including themselves. These one-liners also help establish and reinforce family rules.

Nicole, a mother of three and founder of the Raising Kind Kids Club, is going viral on TikTok for a post where she shares the memorable one-liners she uses with her children, who are now teenagers. The one-liners are all examples of kind, gentle and respectful parenting. They are also a great way to reinforce rules and values.

“Cause when we say things over and over and over again, it can feel like ‘Oh my gosh, why do I have to keep repeating myself?’ so we have some one-liners that just make things so much easier and more importantly, they work cause our kids know what they mean,” Nicole shared in her video with over 1.9 million views.

@raisingkindkids

Parenting one liners that work to make parenting easier Like this gem: you can be mad without being mean. Add yours! #par#parentsoftiktokr#parentingtipsr#parentinghacksr#parenting101s#respectfulparentingi#raisingkindkids

Here are 10 of Nicole’s go-to one-liners:

  1. When Nicole’s children complain that their friends get to do things they don’t, she says: “Every family has different rules.”
  1. To remind her kids that it’s never okay to make fun of someone’s appearance, she says, “We don't comment on other people's bodies."
  1. Nicole’s husband has a great line for when her kids mock something someone likes: “Don't yuck someone else's yum.”
  1. Nicole doesn’t believe that her children should be forced into friendships, but she does want them to be respectful, so she reminds them that “You don't have to be friends with everyone, but you have to be friendly.”
  1. To teach her children about consent, she regularly says: "Stop means stop" and "No means no."
  1. When they’re being adventurous and could injure themselves: "Make good choices for your body.”
  1. She confronts disingenuous apologies with: "I'm sorry it's just words a real apology is a change in behavior."
  1. When the kids are being sarcastic, she asks for clear speech: "Say what you mean and mean what you say."
  1. When her children are scared and need to push through the emotion, she helps them gain extra strength by saying, "It's okay to be nervous. You can be brave and scared and do it anyway."
  1. If her kids come to her with a problem, she allows them to choose her response: "Do you want help, advice, or just listening?"

The folks in the comments had some additional one-liners that can also be very helpful for raising kind kids. “I learned a ton more great one-liners from our online community,” Nicole told Upworthy. “But my favorite new line is: ‘You don’t have to like them but you can’t recruit other people not to like them.’ This is from @TheLadySarah and it's a great way to remind kids to avoid 'mean girl' behaviors, which can quickly turn into social bullying behaviors.”

Here are a few other memorable one-liners from folks in the comments:

"We keep surprises, not secrets.”

“All feelings are welcomed. All behaviors are not.”

"Dimming someone else's light does not make yours brighter."

As a disability advocate, she shared her one-liner that teaches tolerance: “Everyone’s brains and bodies work differently.”

Nicole told Upworthy she was inspired to start the Raising Kind Kids Club after her daughter was bullied. “The one thing that saved her mental health (and mine) was the kindness of others,” she said. “Kindness can be taught and we can encourage kids to want to be kind more often, eventually making kindness a habit. And that's how we can change the world around us: raise a generation of kind kids who speak and act with more kindness, more often, who stand up to bullying behaviors, who celebrate each others' differences and who show empathy and compassion to those around them.”

You can read more about Nicole and her followers' one-liners at Coffee and Carpool.

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Mom finds out daughter is bullying kids over their clothes and desperately seeks advice

Her husband called her idea of punishment "cruel," this fed up mom wants to know other people's thoughts.

Photo credit: Canva

Bullying—it's something no parent wants their child to have to deal with.

Bullying is a difficult territory for parents to navigate, even more so when it’s their own kid doing the bullying.

This can of course happen for a variety of reasons, but one really common reason is trying to fit in with a certain friend group. A kid sees one of their friends making fun of someone, and they follow suit in order to gain acceptance. And so, the nasty cycle continues, until this kid is now an adult with these terrible social habits.

Needless to say, that’s why it’s so important for parents to address any bullying activity head on, and immediately, as to prevent it from becoming a character trait.

And that is why one mom desperately sought the advice of folks on the Ask Reddit forum. As she shared in her post, her 11-year old daughter, who was about to enter 6th grade, had been apparently “making fun of kids for not wearing name brand clothing and shoes.”

Considering that their family doesn’t have a lot of money, the mom was floored by her daughter’s attitude. But in order to “impress” her friends, the daughter pretends their situation is otherwise. Just like 5 out of every 10 teen girl movies we ever saw as kids.

“Me and her dad have opposing views,” the mom explained. “I want to take her to Walmart for her back to school clothes and shoes. Her dad thinks it’s cruel.”

(She would later add that his view could be based on the fact that he too was “was often bullied for his clothing and doesn’t want to do that to our daughter.” Though one would think that would make him all the more behind the idea. But that's neither here nor there.)

Hence why she came to Reddit—to see if maybe her idea for punishment was indeed too harsh.

11 yo daughter makes fun of kids wearing Walmart clothing
byu/lovestodance222 inParenting

However, an overwhelming amount of readers sided with the mom.

“It is not cruel,”one person replied. “What is cruel is making fun of people who cannot afford as much, or making fun of their sense of style. Bullying has real impacts on people, sometimes long-term, and I suggest the superficialness your daughter is displaying gets adjusted now before she becomes a teenager. Middle school can already be difficult for many students and I’m sure you don’t want your daughter to be the reason someone struggles with their self-confidence.”

Someone else simply quipped “100% decking her out in Walmart clothes entirely.” While another said “No question this is the solution. I would also make my child work to earn the money for it, if she was making fun of other children for wearing the clothes their family can afford.”

Another top comment suggested that mom first have a “serious discussion” with her daughter in a a neutral location. Then, if the bullying appears to continue, get her more Walmart clothes.

“At least until she understands why this is so inappropriate,” they said. “Give her the chance to mend her ways, but let her know what the consequence will be if she doesn’t. Now the ball is in her court. It’s not cruel as long as she has been forewarned and she understands why you would take this action.”

Another simply reiterated the importance of taking swift action, whatever that action may be.

“It’s not just the effects of bullying on others, I’d also argue that your child runs the risk of entering into the world at a deficit built upon these shallow and materialistic views she’s holding, not to mention the fact that surely bullies suffer psychological damage themselves all of which will need to be adjusted and repaired later in life. (Hopefully) Might as well try to help her see…that nice ‘things’ aren’t what matter most about people/life. Will rocking Walmart clothes help her realize that? Idk. I do think effort should be made to adjust her values and tune her into what being a good person is about,” they wrote.

How to have a conversation with your kid if you suspect they’re bullying

bullying, anti bullyingNobody wants their kid to be a bully. But if it does happen, there are actions that can be taken. Photo credit: Canva

For parents who are in need of having that uncomfortable, but necessary conversation, The Child Mind Institute has these tips:

Be open and direct

Address the issue, how you heard about it, and then give the child time and space to explain what’s going on and how they feel about it. This can be a good time for assessing whether or not professional help might be needed.

Get specific about what you want to see instead

The site gives this example: “If your child excludes other kids, let them know that you expect them to say yes when others ask to play with them.” It also helps to demonstrate these values at home.

Set clear consequences

Seems like the OP might have been onto something. The Child Mind Institute suggest to have some form of punishment, like having their phone taken away, if behavior persist (note that this is AFTER having a conversation though). Alternatively, kids can try to “make amends” by offering a “written apology or doing something nice for the person they hurt.”

Bottom line: Kids who bully aren’t necessarily “bad.” It’s often a coping mechanism for new, intimidating emotional territory. But this is arguably when a kid needs parental guidance the most. So a little tough love is called for.

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