bullies

Having an unusual name that is easy to make fun of can create a world of pain for children because it makes them an easy target for bullies. But that’s not where the pain ends. As adults, people may not have to deal with bullies, but they have to hear the same tired jokes over and over again. Further, studies show that people with unique last names have a harder time finding employment.

All in all, it’s just an extra burden that makes life unnecessarily challenging.

Some ask, ‘If your name causes much trouble, why not change it?’ However, our names are our connection to our family and history, so it can be hard to change something closely connected to our identities.

A dad on Reddit who believes that his last name is “embarrassing” wasn’t sure how to handle the situation with his children, so he reached out to the NameNerds forum on Reddit for advice.

“I have an embarrassing last name (Roach). It’s always bothered me throughout my childhood and adulthood,” the father wrote. “Now I have kids ages 14, 10, and 5. They’ve said that no one has ever really bullied them over their last name but I still feel bad. I know it’s too late to change their last name. Just seeking some advice or input from anyone who has an embarrassing last name and how they deal with passing the name onto their kids.”

The father began to feel insecure about his name after having children.

“I had accepted my last name and was fine with it. The woman I married accepted the last name too so we gave our kids the name. It was after I had kids that I started to think about it again and wondering about their experiences,” the father wrote.

A dad worried about his kids.via Andrea Piacquadio/Pexels

The responses from fellow Redditors supported the father by saying that if the name isn’t affecting the kids, stop worrying about it. Many thought broaching the subject with his kids might worsen the situation.

“Don't borrow trouble,” one commenter wrote. “They don't seem to mind it and you've survived with it thus far, so what's the problem? I agree that Roach isn't the prettiest surname ever, but I've heard before so it doesn't seem that crazy to me.”

Another popular response was simple and to the point: “If they don’t feel bad, then don’t make it weird for them.”

One commenter said that by discussing the topic, he becomes the bully himself.

“If you mention it too much, you may give them the reason they don't currently have to feel insecure about it,” a commenter wrote. “You'd be the one making fun of them for their last name. You'd be their 1st bully. Don't be their 1st bully/the reason they have anxiety.”

“You clearly need to name them Papa,” another joked.

A distracted girl ion school.via RDNE Stock project/Pexels

The father took the comments to heart and realized he should stop worrying about the family name. “I can’t tell if they feel bad or not, but they also don’t complain about it, so maybe that’s a sign that they’re ok,” he reasoned. “I’m probably overthinking it.”

The father’s dilemma is an excellent example of a common problem that many parents have: projecting their insecurities on their children.

"It is natural to worry about your children and have anxieties or worries about them. You want the best for them and do not want them to be burdened with the same issues you faced as a child. However, these thoughts and worries are your own, and you can protect your children from your own fears and concerns if you work on limiting your projection," Heather R. Hayes, LPCC, writes on her website.

Samantha Rodman, PhD, says the best way to stop projecting onto our kids is to realize when it’s happening and ask ourselves why. “Noticing this tendency in yourself is half the battle and the other half is actively engaging in self-talk that counters these negative assumptions,” she writes at HuffPost. “So, you say to yourself, ‘Why is this bothering me? What images or thoughts are running through my head?’”