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17-year-old sought help for his little brother's mysterious 'pee' problem and the Internet delivered

"You are THE MAN he's looking up to right now."

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A 17-year-old recently took to the internet with an... unusual problem. His 12-year-old little brother had come to him looking for advice, as little brothers do, especially for "sensitive matters." Even more pressingly, the teen wrote that he and his siblings lived alone with their 21-year-old sister, so there were no parents around to help — he was on his own with this own.

In a now viral post, the poster wrote: "I was driving my 12 year old brother to school when he told me his pee was white when he was in bed." What a conversation to start the day!

"I was trying my hardest not to laugh but I'm guessing he saw my smile because he punched me and yelled at me saying he was serious. ... How do i talk to him about this, I don't know what to do." At 17, you've barely just begun to figure out how your own body and sexuality works. Being expected to mentor someone else as they discover theirs is a huge burden to carry.

Embarrassed Duck GIFGiphy

Users chimed in to let the kid know: Even if he didn't realize it, this was a huge moment in his little brother's life.

You might recognize this setup as a wet dream, nocturnal emission, or one of the many other names it goes by. (Or you may have just thought the boy drank so much water that his pee ran clear — you wouldn't be the only one!) They're a simple, biological fact of life and a normal milestone boys experience during puberty.

To adults, wet dreams are kind of funny and ridiculous, but to young kids who don't know what's going on, they can be sources of shame, stress, and even fear. Some boys even wake up thinking they're sick or that something is wrong with them! It's crucial that these early conversations are handled well. And without a real adult around, this 17-year-old had his hands full.

Luckily, the folks from r/AskMen had plenty of great advice:

"The fact he's reaching out to you and trusting you in this VULNERABLE moment for him, is huge. Please do not embarrass him or make him feel small. Empower him. Tell him he is walking into manhood. Like others have said give him a high five or a hug or both. If he wants the science get him that info. Tell him he's okay and validate him. Because you are THE MAN he is looking up to right now," one user wrote.

"Just be 100% honest to him. When my son asked me where babies came from, I told him I would be 100% honest and that if he had any questions, I'd answer them. Trust me, being honest goes a long, long way," added another.

They even reassured him that it's OK to laugh about uncomfortable topics.


awkward kenan thompson GIF by Saturday Night LiveGiphy

"I’d just start with 'I don’t want you to be embarrassed because it’s completely normal, but I may laugh just because I’m slightly uncomfortable because of how it was taught to me' or something along those lines. As long as he knows you’re not laughing AT him, that should help."

"Take it seriously but speak casually about it. Take the time yourself to understand (if you don’t already) how the male reproductive organ works and show it to him on one of those anatomy charts or something. Like 'here brother, this is a penis and this is how it works. It just so happens that you‘ve grown up and a new function is available'. ... The taboo is in your own mind. Speak casually about it and he’ll understand.extra context."

Experts agree with the honest, normalizing approach. All the weird and embarrassing things that happen during puberty (like new body hair, having to wear deodorant, etc.) are completely normal and no big deal. And they say that almost any approach to the conversation is better than none at all — leaving boys to get their information from peers or porn is a recipe for disaster.

Boys don't get nearly enough information about sex and their bodies, and everyone pays the price for it.

Surveys show when parents do talk to their sons about sex, it's usually about risk: Pregnancy and STI/STDs, namely, and conversations are often framed in a negative light. Don't have sex, don't have sex without protection, don't have sex with certain types of people... There's a lot of don't, don't, don't.

When college-aged boys were surveyed, a majority of them said they didn't get much information from their parents, and instead learned from peers, the media, and porn. Not ideal! The 17-year-old poster admitted that he never had a male role model explain puberty and sex to him, and he got all of his information from the Internet... which scared the heck out of him.

"I remember going online and just looking stuff up when i ended up on a website talking about HIV and STDs, and i remember getting scared ... I don't want my brother to go thru the same stuff i went through when i was his age."

If boys aren't getting conversations about their body, masturbation, wet dreams, and other uncomfortable topics, you can bet they're not hearing about consent. So not only do boys suffer when they're not prepared for puberty and beyond, so do their future partners.

It's awesome to see a big brother stepping up to the plate in the absence of adults. Armed with a little advice from well-meaning men, dads, and brothers online, the original poster said he felt ready to tackle this conversation, and future ones, with his little bro:

"I'll make sure i talk to my brother honestly and with an open mind and with no judgements, I'll make sure he'll feel like im someone he could talk to about stuff without making him feel like he's being judged. I'll tell him some few but important details about these changes going thru his body and I'll let him ask me questions if he still has some."

Well done!


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Three grown-up brothers create the most epic Halloween photos ever with their baby sister

Patti Schmidt/Instagram

The Schmidt family's Halloween photoshoot has become an annual tradition.

Two of Patti Schmidt's three sons were already well into adulthood when her daughter Avery was born, and the third wasn't far behind them. Avery, now 5, has never had the pleasure of close-in-age sibling squabbles or gigglefests, since Larry, Patrick and Gavin are 28, 26 and 22, respectively—but that doesn't mean they don't bond as a family.

According to People.com, Patti calls her sons home to Point Pleasant, New Jersey, every fall for a special Halloween photoshoot with Avery. And the results are nothing short of epic.

The Schmidt family started the tradition in 2017 with the boys dressing as the tinman, the scarecrow and the cowardly lion from "The Wizard of Oz." Avery, just a toddler at the time, was dressed as Dorothy, complete with adorable little ruby slippers.

The following year, the boys were Luke Skywalker, Han Solo and Chewbacca, and Avery was (of course) Princess Leia.

In 2019, they did a "Game of Thrones" theme. ("My husband and I were binge-watching [Game of Thrones], and I thought the boys as dragons would be so funny," Schmidt told TODAY.)

In 2020, they went as Princess Buttercup, Westley, Inigo Montoya and Fezzik from "The Princess Bride."

Patti shared a video montage of each year's costume shoot—with accompanying soundtracks—on Instagram and TikTok. Watch:

"They laugh a lot during the shoots," Patti told People. "The boys are good sports. They adore Avery."

That much is clear. How lucky is this little girl?

Middle son Patrick, who is a professional surfer, told People "It's fun, and Avery has a blast."

Patti is the one who comes up with the theme, which she surprises the kids with. This year's theme remains a mystery, though she asked followers for ideas. People offered some fun possibilities including:

- Goldilocks and the Three Bears

- "Alice in Wonderland," with the boys going as the White Rabbit, the Mad Hatter and the Doormouse

- "Brave," with Avery going as Merida and the boys as her little brothers

- "Sleeping Beauty" with the boys going as the fairy godmothers

- Frankenstein's Bride, Frankenstein, Dracula and the Wolfman

- "Friends" with Avery going as Phoebe and the boys as Ross, Chandler and Joey

- "Guardians of the Galaxy"

- "Harry Potter"

Patti offered one vague clue for what this Halloween holds when she told TODAY, "There may or may not be a good-natured groan or two when I pull out the next theme." Hoo boy, can't wait to see what it is.

And yes, in case you were wondering, the brother dressed as Westley did yell "As you wish!" as he rolled down the hill.

@pattiaveryschmidt

Reply to @hmccrow Here it is with audio 😄 #bigbrothers #babysister #theprincessbride #halloween #halloweencostume

And no, the boys and Avery don't just get together for Halloween. The boys and Avery do all kinds of things together, which Patti shares on her TikTok page.

"They are close despite not only age differences but physical distance," Schmidt told TODAY. "Our two oldest sons live in different states, but they're within driving distance, and I try to get everyone together as much as possible."

Here they are teaching Avery how to skateboard:

@pattiaveryschmidt

Families that skate together… #goskateboarding #bigbrothers #familytime

Avery is a seriously lucky little girl.

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My white parents adopted African-American twins when I was young. This is our story.

I'm white. My adopted brothers are black. This is how their world differs from mine.

In 1969, my white parents adopted twin, 4-month-old African-American and Mexican-American baby boys.

I was born a year later, making us three children under 3 years old. And, boy, were we a handful.

This was just two years after the landmark United States Supreme Court decision invalidating laws prohibiting interracial marriage, and just five short years after the Civil Rights Act of 1964 outlawed discrimination based on race, forbid racial discrimination in schools, and allowed people of color to drink from the same water fountains as white people.

Many people over the years have asked me what it was like growing up with my African-American brothers as my “real” brothers.

The boring truth is that this was my “normal.” My brothers and I bickered and fought like the close-in-age siblings we were.

Image courtesy of Elena Kennedy.

Our circle of friends included other families who were also interracial. I didn’t even notice at the time that I was the only white kid in my first grade class until years later when I saw my class picture, and there I was  — the only white kid, with a white teacher.

We lived in a pretty progressive town, Montclair, New Jersey. That year, the school system was creating “magnet schools” to help integrate the schools. So while I walked to our neighborhood school, my brothers were bused to the area of town that was primarily white to desegregate and improve integration.

I didn’t really like that my big brothers and I wouldn’t be at the same school. I think, to this day, there are acquaintances of ours that know us separately and don’t put it together that we’re brothers and sister even though we have the same last name.

Although we were being raised in the same family, their experiences were separate and different from mine.

Out in the world, they were being treated differently than I was.

When we went to the same middle school, I remember us walking home together and noticing that one of my brothers said someone was looking at us funny. Billy and Toby would always notice who was looking at us funny, and I never ever noticed.

One time, my brother Billy was chased in a store for taking a shirt off the rack and running back to us to say this was the shirt he wanted our mother to buy. The store clerk followed in hot pursuit, thinking a theft was in progress.

Later, when Billy could drive, I remember him getting stopped by police on the parkway driving home, and the police looked over to the passenger side where my white dad sat and asked if everything was all right. My dad replied: “Yes, my son is just driving us home. Was he speeding?” We knew this was an odd traffic stop because, no, he wasn’t speeding.

Last year, I asked my brother to do me a huge favor and drive my son from New Jersey where we were visiting family to our home in Dayton, Ohio, (where I live now) — a 10-hour drive.

In order to drive my son home, we agreed it would be best to write and sign a letter saying my brother had permission to drive my car and was taking my son home to Ohio and include a picture of my driver’s license in case there was any trouble.

It made all of us feel better to know he had that note. It also made us miserable to write it. And we held our breath the whole way they drove to Ohio and until Billy returned safely back to NYC.

Image courtesy of Elena Kennedy.

My brothers go into the world as African-American men, and the world treats them as African-American men  —  with implicit bias, prejudice, and fear. I go into the world a white woman and I am afforded the benefit of the doubt and second chances.

When I went away to college in Ohio, people were surprised to learn that I grew up with African-American brothers.

“What was it like?” The question stumped me. It was just my normal. I didn’t know anything different to compare it to. Yet, I do know that it’s not everyone’s normal, and in some circumstances, people don’t interact with people of color in their daily lives.

Under different circumstances, I might have been a white person who didn’t regularly interact with people of color. I could have had an understanding of race taken from books, biased news reports, from TV or movies. Instead, I have agonized over my brothers “driving while black,” and I worry for their lives when they come to visit me.

I want to make the world safer and more fair for my family and yours.

Maybe now you’ll speak up when you witness something that seems unjust.

Maybe now you will see an uncomfortable interaction involving a person of color and you’ll think, "What if that were my brother or sister?"

What can you do? You can talk to your friends and neighbors about how you feel about injustices in the world. You can join a racial justice group in your town, your school, or your place of worship.

I am sharing this because I hope my story starts just one constructive conversation today that wouldn’t have happened otherwise.

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These 12 graphics teach us the importance of prioritizing our friends and family.

This post was originally published on Wait But Why.

In a previous post, we laid out the human lifespan visually.

By years:

By months:

And by weeks:

While working on that post, I also made a days chart, but it seemed a bit much, so I left it out. But fuck it.

The days chart blows my mind as much as the weeks chart. Each of those dots is only a single Tuesday or Friday or Sunday, but even a lucky person who lives to 90 will have no problem fitting every day in their life on one sheet of paper.

But since doing the Life in Weeks post, I’ve been thinking about something else.

Instead of measuring your life in units of time, you can measure it in activities or events. To use myself as an example:

I’m 34, so let’s be super optimistic and say I’ll be hanging around drawing stick figures till I’m 90. If so, I have a little under 60 winters left:

And maybe around 60 Super Bowls:

The ocean is freezing, and putting my body into it is a bad life experience, so I tend to limit myself to around one ocean swim a year. So as weird as it seems, I might only go in the ocean 60 more times:

Not counting Wait But Why research, I read about five books a year, so even though it feels like I’ll read an endless number of books in the future, I actually have to choose only 300 of all the books out there to read and accept that I’ll sign off for eternity without knowing what goes on in all the rest.

Growing up in Boston, I went to Red Sox games all the time, but if I never move back there, I’ll probably continue at my current rate of going to a Sox game about once every three years — meaning this little row of 20 represents my remaining Fenway visits:

There have been eight U.S. presidential elections during my lifetime and about 15 to go. I’ve seen five presidents in office, and if that rate continues, I’ll see about nine more.

I probably eat pizza about once a month, so I’ve got about 700 more chances to eat pizza. I have an even brighter future with dumplings. I have Chinese food about twice a month, and I tend to make sure six dumplings occurs each time, so I have a fuckton of dumplings to look forward to:

But these things aren’t what I’ve been thinking about. Most of the things I just mentioned happen with a similar frequency during each year of my life, which spreads them out somewhat evenly through time. If I’m around a third of my way through life, I’m also about a third of my way through experiencing the activity or event.

What I’ve been thinking about is a really important part of life that, unlike all of these examples, isn’t spread out evenly through time—something whose ratio of already done and still to come doesn’t at all align with how far I am through life: relationships.

I’ve been thinking about my parents, who are in their mid-60s. During my first 18 years, I spent some time with my parents during at least 90% of my days. But since heading off to college and then later moving out of Boston, I’ve probably seen them an average of only five times a year each, for an average of maybe two days each time. 10 days a year. About 3% of the days I spent with them each year of my childhood.

Being in their mid-60s, let’s continue to be super-optimistic and say I’m one of the incredibly lucky people to have both parents alive into my 60s. That would give us about 30 more years of coexistence. If the 10 days a year thing holds, that’s 300 days left to hang with Mom and Dad. Less time than I spent with them in any one of my 18 childhood years.

When you look at that reality, you realize that despite not being at the end of your life, you may very well be nearing the end of your time with some of the most important people in your life. If I lay out the total days I’ll ever spend with each of my parents — assuming I’m as lucky as can be — this becomes starkly clear:

It turns out that when I graduated from high school, I had already used up 93% of my in-person parent time. I’m now enjoying the last 5% of that time. We’re in the tail end.

It’s a similar story with my two sisters. After living in a house with them for 10 and 13 years respectively, I now live across the country from both of them and spend maybe 15 days with each of them a year. Hopefully, that leaves us with about 15% of our total hangout time left.

The same often goes for old friends. In high school, I sat around playing hearts with the same four guys about five days a week. In four years, we probably racked up 700 group hangouts. Now, scattered around the country with totally different lives and schedules, the five of us are in the same room at the same time probably 10 days each decade. The group is in its final 7%.

So what do we do with this information? Setting aside my secret hope that technological advances will let me live to 700, I see three takeaways here:

1. Living in the same place as the people you love matters.

I probably have 10 times the time left with the people who live in my city as I do with the people who live somewhere else.

2. Priorities matter.

Your remaining face time with any person depends largely on where that person falls on your list of life priorities. Make sure this list is set by you — not by unconscious inertia.

3. Quality time matters.

If you’re in your last 10% of time with someone you love, keep that fact in the front of your mind when you’re with them and treat that time as what it actually is: precious.

Visit Wait But Why to read the post this post was based on: "Your Life in Weeks."

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