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breastfeeding

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Mother unapologetically shares what it looks like to 'respectfully' breastfeed in public

Where did we go wrong as a society to make women feel uncomfortable about breastfeeding in public? No one should feel they have the right to tell a woman when, where, and how she can breastfeed. The stigma should be placed on those who have the nerve to tell a woman feeding her child to "Cover up" or to ask "Where's your modesty?"

It's particularly ironic given the immense pressure we put on mothers to breastfeed from the very moment they find out they're pregnant. Everyone's heard the expression that "Breast is best," which guilts moms who might not want or be able to breastfeed. But then, for the ones that do choose that road thinking they'll be appreciated for it, we police when, where, and how they're able to do so. We're cool with it, sort of, as long as it's done "tastefully." Even in situations where it's totally legal and acceptable to breastfeed in public, some people will judge whether she does so "respectfully." When, in reality, the only disrespect is coming from those who are being judgmental about how a woman feeds her child.


moms, mothers, motherhood, babies, breastfeeding, public breastfeeding, breastfeeding lawsThis really shouldn't make us uncomfortable, no matter how much skin is showing. Photo by Dave Clubb on Unsplash

One mom is going viral for taking a stand against the idea of "respectful" breastfeeding.

A mother on the Breastfeeding Mom Facebook page posted a powerful image of a woman breastfeeding that shows just what "respectful" breastfeeding looks like.

Spoiler alert: It's really indistinguishable from any other kind of breastfeeding. Here, see for yourself.




via bfmamatalk / Facebook

"Stop telling moms they need to be respectful when they breastfeed in public," the meme says. "When you can't even respect the fact that a baby has just as much of a right to eat in public as everyone else."

Breasts were made to feed babies. Yes, they also have a role in sexual arousal for both men and women, but there's still debate over whether breasts have been sexualized because of something inherent in our biology or because we've learned to sexualize them through media and culture. Some even argue that we find breasts attractive because they're a signal of a woman's fertility, which brings us right back to babies! Besides, anyone who has the maturity of a sixth grader knows the difference between a sexual act and feeding a child. It's pretty obvious, actually. If the woman is holding a child to her breast, she's not being sexual or indecent.

In fact, we should probably rethink whether the idea that a bare breast is indecent in the first place. Men can show off their nipples in public, why can't women? If anything, the societal expectation should be flipped. Providing necessary nourishment to your baby should be the thing that's completely normal.


zoolander, crazy pills, backwards thinking, society, breastfeeding, breastfeeding in public, motherhoodIt's completely backwards that male nipple is acceptable in public, but not a breastfeeding mother'sGiphy

The meme was accompanied by a fantastic explanation.

This is how a mother respectfully nurses a baby. With dignity and confidence.

The way someone chooses to nurse a child "doesn't define the amount of respect they have for themselves and doesn't define who they are. We are all human beings and somehow we are divided by something as natural as breastfeeding."

If you choose to cover up, that's awesome. If you don't, that's awesome too. The purpose of nursing isn't about who shows more boob or who doesn't. The purpose is to feed a child. And whether it's done covered, in a private place, or uncovered in the middle of a restaurant, does not define the amount of respect you have. The stigma needs to end. We are just trying to feed our babies.

Legally, mothers in all 50 states are allowed to breastfeed at any location public or private. Workplaces of more than 50 people are also required to provide a private space other than a bathroom for mom's to use for pumping or feeding. Breastfeeding in public can not be considered an act of public indecency or sexual conduct — most states explicitly state as much, and in the others, it's implied by granting mother's the right to legally breastfeed anywhere at any time.

But these legal protections don't stop the stares and the stigma. Advocacy groups continue to fight for laws that would punish bystanders from harassing breastfeeding moms. Sometimes, mothers have even had the police called on them! It's mind-boggling.

Let's stop litigating the amount of boob or nipple that's showing and equating that to "respect" or "decency." The decent thing to do is leave mothers alone and let them do what's necessary.

This article originally appeared six years ago.

Photo cropped from Facebook page.

Everyone eats sexualized or not.

When it comes to breasts, Americans really have it twisted. We've sexualized them to such a point we no longer see them for their main purpose: feeding babies. This disconnect is so extreme that when women breastfeed their children in public they are often met with scorn or shame. Florida mom and anti-circumcision advocate, Ashley Kaidel, isn't having it anymore.

Facebook, viral photo, motherhood, babies

Not having it.

media1.giphy.com


Kaidel was breastfeeding in an unnamed restaurant when another diner gave her the stink-eye, just for feeding her child in public.

So Kaidel took a photo of herself staring right back at the shamer and posted it to Facebook. The photo quickly went viral, receiving over 420,000 likes.

In her post, she explained why she had such a stern look on her face.

"In the picture, it appears I'm staring off into the distance. In reality, I'm staring into the eyes of a woman staring at me. She is looking at me with disgust and shaking her head with judgement in an attempt to shame me and indirectly tell me without words that I am wrong and need to cover myself.”

Kaidel says she breastfeeds in public to reduce the stigma surrounding it.

"I do this for the person that has the mentality 'Boobs are to be covered. They're for your husbands eyes only. They're intimate. It's a personal/private thing to feed your baby. Cover up out of respect. My kids don't need to see that. Walk out of the room' and any other derogatory, close-minded comments and sentiments alike.”

Then, she cut through all the nonsense surrounding breasts to explain their real purpose.

"[B]reasts were made to sustain your baby's life before they were made to bring pleasure to any other man, woman, partner or spouse. Their sole purpose is to make food and dispense it straight into a baby's mouth. There is nothing weird about this and there's no difference in me feeding my baby with my breast than you feeding yourself with a spoon.

Finally, Kaidel had some strong words for the next person who attempts to shame her for breastfeeding in public.

"No person should be isolated and shunned because they're eating, especially when you yourself are eating while ridiculing how someone else is eating. Is it not certainly easier to avert your eyes from a displeasing sight rather than suggest or demand a mother and child remove themselves from your presence? How pompous and selfish is this? Just look away. It's simple to do so. No harm done at all."

via GIPHY

This article originally appeared 9 years ago.

Family

12 hilariously relatable comics about life as a new mom.

Embarrassing stains on your T-shirt, sniffing someone's bum to check if they have pooped, the first time having sex post-giving birth — as a new mom, your life turns upside-down.

All illustrations by Ingebritt ter Veld. Reprinted here with permission.

Some good and not so good moments with babies.



Embarrassing stains on your T-shirt, sniffing someone's bum to check if they have pooped, the first time having sex post-giving birth — as a new mom, your life turns upside-down.

Illustrator Ingebritt ter Veld and Corinne de Vries, who works for Hippe-Birth Cards, a webshop for birth announcements, had babies shortly after one another.

In the series "#ThingsOnlyMomsKnow" Ingebritt and Corinne depict the reality of motherhood—with all the painful, funny, and loving moments not always talked about.

1. Pee-regnant.

Comic of a pregnant mom needing the toilet

Expectant moms plan for the bathroom.

All illustrations by Ingebritt ter Veld. Reprinted here with permission.

2. How (not) to sleep.

Pregnant woman sleeping on her stomach

Learning how to go with the flow.

All illustrations by Ingebritt ter Veld. Reprinted here with permission.

3. Cry baby.

Comic of parents watching home videos

Moms can be emotional... and dads too.

All illustrations by Ingebritt ter Veld. Reprinted here with permission.

4. The new things that scare you...

Comic of a woman on a flying carpet

Falling in love with the necessary conveniences.

All illustrations by Ingebritt ter Veld. Reprinted here with permission.

5. ...and the new things that give you the creeps.

Comic of man speaking to pregnant woman's belly

People have the ability to make normal situations feel weird.

All illustrations by Ingebritt ter Veld. Reprinted here with permission.

6. Being a new mom can get a little ... disgusting.

Comic of a woman holding a pregnancy test

The convenience of a pregnancy tests is also peeing on a stick.

All illustrations by Ingebritt ter Veld. Reprinted here with permission.

7. And every mom has experienced these postpartum horror stories.

Comic of a woman sneezing and wetting herself

Taking advantage of two bodily functions at one time.

All illustrations by Ingebritt ter Veld. Reprinted here with permission.

8. There are many, many memorable firsts.

Comic of a woman holding a pooping baby

Walking into a house with babies... yep.

All illustrations by Ingebritt ter Veld. Reprinted here with permission.

9. Getting to know your post-baby body is an adventure.

Comic of two women having tea while one lactates

Have a spare shirt ready to go.

All illustrations by Ingebritt ter Veld. Reprinted here with permission.

10. Pumping ain't for wimps.

Comic of a woman pumping her breasts

Looking behind the magic of a breast pump.

All illustrations by Ingebritt ter Veld. Reprinted here with permission.

11. You become very comfortable with spit-up. Very comfortable.

Comic of a baby spitting up on mom

No need to duck.

All illustrations by Ingebritt ter Veld. Reprinted here with permission.

12. Your body, mind, and most importantly, heart, will expand in ways you didn't know possible.

Comic of a woman's changing body

There are going to be changes.

All illustrations by Ingebritt ter Veld. Reprinted here with permission.

This story first appeared on Hippe Birth Cards and is reprinted here with permission.


This article originally appeared eight years ago.

Family

How breastfeeding actually works is seriously awe-inspiring

Let's take a moment to marvel at this miraculous process.

A viral video shows what's happening beneath the surface when a baby breastfeeds.

Let me start by saying I don't care whether you breastfeed or not. Everyone's circumstances are different, no one needs to explain why they did or didn't breastfeed their babies and we'd all be better off with far fewer judgments across the baby-feeding spectrum.

With that disclaimer out of the way, can we at least all agree that breastfeeding is freaking awesome?

I mean, the whole biological process of growing an entire human practically from scratch is mind-blowing all by itself. But the fact that our bodies then create food to feed that human, with a whole system for how and when that food gets made and released, is just so cool.


A CGI video depicting the process in a simple, clear way has people marveling at how it all works. The video gives an internal view of what's happening below the skin's surface as a baby latches on. (The depiction of the latch isn't great, FYI—a proper latch is an important part of breastfeeding working as it should, but what comes after is the cool part.)

We could get into some nitty gritty anatomical terms here, but the high-level explanation of what's happening is that when a baby suckles, a signal is sent to the mother's brain. That signal prompts the release of the hormones prolactin (which stimulates milk production in the alveoli—the grape-like clusters in the video) and oxytocin (which stimulates the muscles around the alveoli to push the milk into the milk ducts—the white tubes).

It's a basic but beautiful biological process, the way the baby, brain and breast communicate and coordinate to make and deliver milk on demand.

Watch:

But that's just the mechanics. There's so much about breastfeeding that's scientific but feels like magic.

For instance, the flavor of breastmilk changes depending on what the person breastfeeding eats, which means baby gets to experience a range of taste sensations starting very early. That may not seem particularly consequential, but studies have found that children who breastfeed tend to be less picky and more willing to try different foods later on.

It can also change color, ranging from blue to green to yellow to pink. Neat, huh?

Breastmilk also changes to meet a child's nutritional needs as they get older. If you watch the last eight seconds or so of the video, you can see the flow of milk stop and then see a reverse flow coming from the baby's mouth. That's the baby's saliva, which contains chemicals that react with the mother's body to adjust the makeup of the breastmilk to meet the baby's needs at any given stage. So cool.

That same saliva exchange can also prompt the mother's body to add germ-fighting elements (leucocytes, antibodies, etc.) to her breastmilk that help fight infections. Such immune boosting can happen when either baby or mom are sick, providing an immune boost for baby.

We may not think of it this way, but breastmilk is actually a living substance containing live cells. And there's still so much we're learning about what it can do, not just for babies but for non-nutritional medicinal purposes as well.

So often, the wonder of it all gets lost in the debates and judgments that surround breastfeeding. Not everyone can breastfeed and there are a million challenges that can get in the way of it feeling like a magical experience, even for those who do it. But that doesn't change the fact that breastfeeding is a miraculous process when it works.

Let's just take a minute to appreciate the incredible way breasts can manufacture and deliver baby food, always at the perfect temperature, through a process that continually individualizes that food to make it ideal at every stage. Our bodies are simply amazing.


This article originally appeared on 8.11.22