upworthy

boomers

Family

Millennials are bonding over their Boomer parents' 'gramnesia.' Here's what the viral term means.

People can't get over how "accurate" it is.

@millennialmomtherapist/Instagram, Photo credit: Canva

Millennials—are you victims of "gramnesia"?

It’s funny how once something sort of abstract experience gets a name attached to it, it suddenly becomes much easier to relate to and talk about. The internet—and primarily TikTok—has been great for that. Sure, things get out of hand quite easily (like the overuse of “therapy speak”) but there has also been quite a lot of validation and meaningful conversations that have spawned from these overnight buzzwords.

Case and point, “gramnesia.”

“Gramneisa,” which combines the words “grandparent” and “amnesia,” has been popping up on Reddit discussions for a while now, though the coiner of the term seems unknown. But only recently has it been really gaining traction.

Back in June, Maryland-based therapist and mom Allie McQuaid, really brought “gramnesia” to the forefront of the conversation when she made an Instagram video all about it.

“I just heard this term called ‘gramnesia’ when grandparents forget what it’s really like having young kids and I can’t stop thinking about how accurate it is,” she said in the clip.

And then in her caption, McQuaid shared how so many of her clients would get “slammed” by their parents about how different (i.e. “easier”) raising kids was for them whenever they brought their own children around.

These hyperbolic memories are, as McQuaid put it, so “ridiculous” that they're clearly “forgot[ten] what it was really like in those early years of parenthood.”

Some example of “gramnesia” statements could be:

“You never had tantrums when you were a kid”

“I potty trained you before you were one”

“You were always happy to eat whatever we fed you.”

“You were spanked and turned out fine!”

Clearly, Mcquaid’s video struck a chord, because it wasn’t long before people begin chiming in with their own stories of gramneis.

“My MIL, over the years, loved to act like her children were perfect growing up. I love to tell the stories of her son (my hubby) getting into all kinds of trouble as a kid - oh the shock.”

“*Baby makes any kind of noise* Grandma: "Oh they must be teething!" Me : "Umm she's 4 months old, She isn't teething yet - just has feelings and is you know - A BABY" grandma: ‘well my kids had all their teeth by 4 months’ 😐🤨”

“5 months old and not sleeping through the night? Did you try rice cereal? Baby not walking ? Rice cereal. Baby not in college yet? Have you tried rice cereal?”

“Ugh my dad literally just said this to me last week… ‘I don’t remember you guys having this many tantrums’… 🙄 right after my boys were upset.”

Mcquaid posited some theories as to why gramnesia exists in the first place.

One could simply be the natural tendency to have a cognitive bias which puts past experiences in a more positive light than they actually were, aka having “euphoric recall.”. As she told Huffpost, we tend to have a “foggier memory of how things truly were” as we get older, “especially if the experience we had was particularly difficult or even traumatic.”

Plus, the first few years of parenthood are often such a blur anyway. Mcquaid herself admitted that I” I even have a hard time remembering the first year of motherhood, and that was only four years ago.”

In addition, Mcquaid theorized that a gramnesia exists because previous generations “were not given space to express emotions or indicate that they were struggling to adjust to motherhood.” Honestly, a sound hypothesis.

And for the frustrated folks itching to confront their boomer parents about this, Mcquaid suggests picking your battles.

“Check your capacity if you have the space or energy to even consider bringing up your frustration with your parents,” she told Huffpost. “You are likely in the throes of parenting right now, and maybe all you can do is smile and nod after hearing for the 100th time how ‘you were never like this.’”

However, if you are determined to bring it up, Mcquaid suggests to keep it centered around you the situation makes you feel, rather than combating their memories. So instead of “that’s NOT how it happened!” try something like “When you said that I never did X when I was Y’s age, it makes me question how well I’m doing as a parent.” Probably easier said than done, to be sure.

And while this sore spot might never come to a full resolution for a lot of millennial parents, at least take some solace in knowing that you’re not crazy, nor are you alone. Clearly.


This article originally appeared last year.

From Your Site Articles
millennials
Pop Culture

Gen Xers and Boomers were asked if life really used to be simpler. Ironically, it's complicated.

Turns out "simple" isn't so easily defined.

Photo credit: Canva

Did life used to be simpler or is that just nostlgia talking?

People have a tendency to look at the past through rose-colored glasses, focusing more on positive memories than negative ones (barring major traumas, which ). So when you ask a group of older people about what life was like in their younger years, you might get some less-than-accurate recollections. Nostalgia is a powerful filter, and time has a way of altering our perceptions of how things used to be.

That being said, times do change and the world has seen some dramatic shifts in our elders' lifetimes. Young folks can only imagine what life was like before the internet and smartphones and map apps that tell us step-by-step exactly how to get where we're going, while older people can look back on personal memories from those "simpler" days.

But was life really simpler then or is that just something people say out of a sense of nostalgia? A 28-year-old asked Gen Xers and Boomers that question, and ironically, the answer is a bit complicated.

In some ways, of course, life was simpler…or at least slower

The pace of everything seems to have accelerated and we find ourselves bombarded with so much stuff coming at us so fast, it's overwhelming. We're in a constant state of overstimulation, without the quiet down time we used to have built into the rhythm of daily life.

media.giphy.com

"Life was slower, which gave you time to deal with life, making it simpler."

""It was quieter. A bit slower. Less overstimulating."

"For every aspect of life made easier and sped up by technology, we're expected to do more to use the time that's been freed up. Doing boring tasks like hand laundry and washing dishes was a real chore, but it offered time to think and slow down mentally. I think this is something many of us lack at this point. Moreover, these days people would probably be watching a video on their phone or listening to a podcast while doing these tasks - that's fine, but it doesn't provide the mental down-time that was built into life much more back in the day. I think that being bored sometimes is probably good for our mental health."

"The speed of our ability to process and act is definitely out of balance with the speed of information."

"Tech evolved faster than our brains. A lot of people are suffering."

Having too many choices has made things feel more complicated

The irony of the modern age is that we have so much easy access to so many things, and those practically limitless choices are a burden on our psyches. The small stresses of so many small decisions add up mentally, making the world feel more complicated.

"Of course it was simpler. The more choices you have in any category (food, music, dating, finance), the more exponentially complicated it becomes. Millions of songs to choose from? 300 TV channels plus streaming services? Apps on my "smartphone" letting me see every available woman in a hundred mile radius? There are so many choices it's hard to make one."

media.giphy.com

"This is a great point. I clearly remember a co-worker in the early 1990s expressing frustration in going to Home Depot to buy black spray paint. He complained about too many choices and longed for the old days when life was simpler. This post made me curious, so I did a quick search, and it seems Home Depot currently offers 19 types of black spray paint."

"This is such a good point. Having only 3 cable channels (4 when fox came along!) made it so much easier to decide what to watch on tv. Now we have thousands of options. I actually get stressed when I’m choosing a new show to stream lol."

"It was simpler because we had fewer options to choose from. Did I need a new pair of steel-toe work boots? Only one store in town sold them. They carried two brands. But only one brand had my size in stock. So I "chose" the only pair available. Simple.

Nowadays, with the internet, I'm supposed to choose from 100 possibilities, do the research, read the reviews. On the one hand, it's a hassle. On the other, I'm more likely to end up with boots that better meet my priorities."

On the other hand, many things are far simpler (or easier) than they used to be

There's no denying that technology has simplified a lot of tasks that used to be much more cumbersome. Vacation planning? Submitting applications for jobs or college? Figuring out how to fix something or finding a random part for a broken item? Being able to listen to a specific song or watch a specific movie? All infinitely simpler today than in the past.

"So many things are easier now. Banking for instance. Paying bills. Finding parts for your lawn mower or dishwasher. There is a YouTube video for any repair. Planning a trip. Almost everything is easier now than when I was a kid. Is it simpler then or now? Life is as simple as you make it. If you don't unnecessarily complicate your life, the ease of things today would make for the potential for a very simple life."

"In some ways, it's WAY simpler now. I want to register for some college classes? No lineups in person, no phone registration...just a few clicks on my laptop and I'm in. I never, ever have to fight crowds to do Christmas shopping. I don't have to wait a week to watch the latest episode of Seinfeld (sub in any current TV show). I want my Costo groceries, but my car's in the shop? Boom--delivered. Oh wait, I can just grab an Evo on the street outside my apartment and drive there! I am remembering my favourite album from fifty years ago? Hey Google, play "Madman Across the Water"! I forgot to pay my Hydro bill! Open laptop...three minutes later: done! Car battery dies? Contact BCAA online, they book me a tech to replace it at my home, and send a link for a map showing the tech's progress to my home. I could go on and on because I think about this [stuff] every day and how much I love it!"

via GIPHY

"Say you wanted to go on vacation. You had to write for information on specific places. You’d then write a hotel for reservations. You could call if they had a 800 number. You get all your reservations, and a map. You get travelers checks and cash from the bank— better get there before 5:00.

You’re on your way. Shit, you got a flat, or your car overheated. You need to walk, hitchhike, or knock on a random door for help. Too bad it’s the weekend. You’ll get a new tire on Monday.

Your destination is beautiful. You have three rolls of film— 36 photos. You pay $20 to get them developed and maybe 8 are decent. That thing you really wanted to see, oof, closed for restoration. Wish you knew.

Nothing is that complicated now. I have the knowledge of the world in my hand. I can drive 8 hours at 80mph and my car is fine, and has AC. I can check my bank account and pay bills 24/7. I know where my kids are all the time and can text them to come help."

As some people pointed out, life was simpler but it was also harder. Is that better? Depends on who you ask. A lot of what makes life feel complicated today are the choices we make about how we use technology, but we also rely on technology so figuring out how to simplify that part of our lives now feels…well…complicated.

There's no putting the genie back in the bottle at this point, but forcing ourselves to slow down, unplug and limit our own choices can help us bring back at least a little bit of the simplicity of the past.

From Your Site Articles
nostalgia
Education

Why Gen Z's idea of 'financial success' is so vastly different than every other generation

A salary of nearly $600,000? Are they serious?

Photo credit: Canva

Gen Z's financial expectations are miles above the rest of us.

Have you ever thought about what threshold of income or net worth would make you feel successful financially? Not merely getting by or making ends meet, but like you've achieved a level of wealth that feels comfortable and secure? That number depends on a lot of factors, of course, depending on whether you have a family, the cost of living in your area and more. But as a survey of over 2,200 American adults shows, it also depends on your generation.

Averaging the numbers overall, Americans said a salary of $270,214 a year and a net worth north of $5.36 million would spell financial success for them, according to research from Empower. But those numbers are greatly skewed by the lofty ambitions of Gen Z, who say they'd need a whopping $587,797 a year salary to feel successful. Compared to Boomers with $99,874, Gen X with $212,321 and Millennials with $180,865, Gen Z's "financially successful" salary (as well as their response of $9.47 million for net worth) seems extraordinarily out of touch.

media.giphy.com

Keep in mind, these numbers come from Gen Zers who are 18 years and older, so it's not like it's skewed by a bunch of 13-year-olds who have zero concept of money management. But how did young adults end up having such high expectations of what financial success means?

Here are a few possibilities:

Gen Z has been bombarded with aspirational content their whole lives

Instagram, TikTok, YouTube—these social media platforms include countless accounts designed to make us drool over aesthetics. Luxury travel. Beautiful homes. Fashionistas flashing name brand everything. The kind of content that used to be confined to "Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous" (yes, I'm dating myself) has moved into the mainstream and is now portrayed as a normalized ideal.

For older generations, "financially successful" generally meant being able to afford a nice house in a nice neighborhood, two new cars, a vacation every year and a solid retirement plan. It meant being able to send your kids to college and pay for a beautiful wedding without going into debt. It meant not worrying about money, but it didn't mean being able to afford all manner of luxury. Perhaps Gen Z sees success differently due to what they've seen on social media—and due to being the most marketed to generation in the least traditional ways.

via GIPHY

Gen Z is influenced by influencers who've gotten rich young

In past generations, wealth came with age and experience. Sure, there have always been people born into generational wealth, but if we were talking $600,000 a year salaries, we'd be talking CEOs and hedge fund managers and heart surgeons other careers that take some time to build.

But Gen Zers see YouTube creators and Twitch streamers their own age making millions doing things they believe they can do themselves. That's got to skew your perception of what's possible and what's a reasonable amount of money you can expect to make. It's entirely possible that a lot of these young adults simply don't realize what a normal salary is. Considering the fact that their "financially successful" amount is nine times the 2023 national average yearly wage, there does seem to be a disconnect between their perception and reality.

Gen Z grew up hearing repeated messages of financial uncertainty

Gen Zers are familiar with financial crises. They just started coming along when 9/11 happened, and they were still little when the housing market crashed. They've grown up hearing their parents talk about financial upheaval and hearing politicians use the economy as a weaponized talking point. The COVID-19 pandemic threw even more economic uncertainty on an already teetery foundation, right when a lot of Gen Zers were just starting to make their own money. Toss in the bonkers cost of college tuition, unaffordable housing and post-pandemic inflation and it's not hard to see why young adults just starting out might be under the impression that they need a megaton of money to feel financially secure.

media.giphy.com

Oddly enough, they're quite confident that they'll get there

One might assume that these sky high Gen Z dreams of financial success would feel out of reach for these young folks, but according to Empower, 71% of Gen Z respondents said they expected to achieve financial success in their lifetimes—more than any other generation. Is that an admirable sense of optimism or the hubris of youth? Are they setting themselves up for success or disappointment with such expectations? Hard to say.

We live in unprecedented and unpredictable times, so anything is possible. And if you're going to have high expectations, you might as well have the confidence to match them. We olders might roll our eyes at Gen Z's standard being so much higher than our own, but maybe they're onto something. (After all, a good chunk of them seem to be getting by without driver's licenses, so who knows what else they're capable of.) Dreaming big has its merits, so more power to you, Gen Z. Only time will tell if reality has other plans.

From Your Site Articles
money
Modern Families

Grandma has the perfect solution for grandparents who buy too many gifts for their grandkids

This is an all too common issue, especially around the holidays.

@morethangrand/TikTok

Gift giving should feel good for the giver and the receiver. But around the holidays, it can be a major cause of stress.

DeeDee Moore, a grandma behind the website More Than Grand, recently shared on the organization's TikTok account that “too much stuff” given from grandparents to their grandkids is one of the main sources of holiday frustration for parents.

“75% of the parents that we surveyed wished grandparents would respect their wishes about gifts,” she explained, noting that while there are myriad reasons why this would be the case, the most common one (and incidentally the one most "waved off” by the grandparents) is the lack of physical space to accommodate.

However, when Moore breaks down the math, it’s a bit hard to deny.

“Say your grandson has four other grandparents and four aunts and uncles. Each of these people get him one gift for a second birthday. That’s already nine gifts plus something for mom and dad. We’re up to 10,” she said.

“If all of those grandparents buy him three things, and two of the aunts get him a little extra something, that’s 22 presents for a 2 year old who would be just as happy with a box.”

Yikes, gotta admit that’s a lot. And that’s not counting the additional problems too much gift-giving can incite listed on the More Than Grand website, which included:

Undermining the parent’s values that they are trying to instill to their children

Damaging a child’s ability to use their imagination

Normalizing overconsumption

Teaching children to associate seeing grandma or grandpa with getting a gift, rather than focusing on the actual relationship

These are all good points, and yet, what to do with all those good intentions and a desire to spoil some precious little nugget? Luckily, Moore has the perfect fix.

“While your grandchildren are faced with getting too many gifts, many children are in the opposite situation. Take some of the things you bought to Toys for Tots or another organization that provides gifts for less fortunate families.”

This allows folks to step into the “true spirit of giving,” Moore concluded.

Viewers by and large seemed to agree, though many also noted how powerful experiential or future-building gifts could be, even if they're not as cute as toys.

“My in-laws opened up a college fund for both my kids. Instead of stuff they put more money in the account. I’m so grateful!” one person wrote.

Another added, “I am giving experiences and putting money in an account for future needs (college, 1st house, starting business, etc).”

In the vein, here are two other tips grandparents can use for intentional gift-giving…

First and foremost: open up a discussion with the parents. See if they need help with a big ticket item, find out which hobby or sport the child is interested in, ask what’s a definite “no.” this can save a lot of headaches for everyone.

Second: prioritize memories over stuff. A trip to the zoo, an education membership, a ticket for two to the movies…these are often the gifts that truly keep on giving.

And grandparents, don’t forget: just because you’re honoring boundaries, it doesn't mean you have to pass up that sweet little something you see in the aisles. It can easily go to a little one who could really use it.

For even more tip on all things grandparenting, give More Than Grand a follow here.

From Your Site Articles
grandparents
Trending Stories