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Millennials are bonding over their Boomer parents' 'gramnesia.' Here's what the viral term means.

People can't get over how "accurate" it is.

@millennialmomtherapist/Instagram, Photo credit: Canva

Millennials—are you victims of "gramnesia"?

It’s funny how once something sort of abstract experience gets a name attached to it, it suddenly becomes much easier to relate to and talk about. The internet—and primarily TikTok—has been great for that. Sure, things get out of hand quite easily (like the overuse of “therapy speak”) but there has also been quite a lot of validation and meaningful conversations that have spawned from these overnight buzzwords.

Case and point, “gramnesia.”

“Gramneisa,” which combines the words “grandparent” and “amnesia,” has been popping up on Reddit discussions for a while now, though the coiner of the term seems unknown. But only recently has it been really gaining traction.

Back in June, Maryland-based therapist and mom Allie McQuaid, really brought “gramnesia” to the forefront of the conversation when she made an Instagram video all about it.

“I just heard this term called ‘gramnesia’ when grandparents forget what it’s really like having young kids and I can’t stop thinking about how accurate it is,” she said in the clip.

And then in her caption, McQuaid shared how so many of her clients would get “slammed” by their parents about how different (i.e. “easier”) raising kids was for them whenever they brought their own children around.

These hyperbolic memories are, as McQuaid put it, so “ridiculous” that they're clearly “forgot[ten] what it was really like in those early years of parenthood.”

Some example of “gramnesia” statements could be:

“You never had tantrums when you were a kid”

“I potty trained you before you were one”

“You were always happy to eat whatever we fed you.”

“You were spanked and turned out fine!”

Clearly, Mcquaid’s video struck a chord, because it wasn’t long before people begin chiming in with their own stories of gramneis.

“My MIL, over the years, loved to act like her children were perfect growing up. I love to tell the stories of her son (my hubby) getting into all kinds of trouble as a kid - oh the shock.”

“*Baby makes any kind of noise* Grandma: "Oh they must be teething!" Me : "Umm she's 4 months old, She isn't teething yet - just has feelings and is you know - A BABY" grandma: ‘well my kids had all their teeth by 4 months’ 😐🤨”

“5 months old and not sleeping through the night? Did you try rice cereal? Baby not walking ? Rice cereal. Baby not in college yet? Have you tried rice cereal?”

“Ugh my dad literally just said this to me last week… ‘I don’t remember you guys having this many tantrums’… 🙄 right after my boys were upset.”

Mcquaid posited some theories as to why gramnesia exists in the first place.

One could simply be the natural tendency to have a cognitive bias which puts past experiences in a more positive light than they actually were, aka having “euphoric recall.”. As she told Huffpost, we tend to have a “foggier memory of how things truly were” as we get older, “especially if the experience we had was particularly difficult or even traumatic.”

Plus, the first few years of parenthood are often such a blur anyway. Mcquaid herself admitted that I” I even have a hard time remembering the first year of motherhood, and that was only four years ago.”

In addition, Mcquaid theorized that a gramnesia exists because previous generations “were not given space to express emotions or indicate that they were struggling to adjust to motherhood.” Honestly, a sound hypothesis.

And for the frustrated folks itching to confront their boomer parents about this, Mcquaid suggests picking your battles.

“Check your capacity if you have the space or energy to even consider bringing up your frustration with your parents,” she told Huffpost. “You are likely in the throes of parenting right now, and maybe all you can do is smile and nod after hearing for the 100th time how ‘you were never like this.’”

However, if you are determined to bring it up, Mcquaid suggests to keep it centered around you the situation makes you feel, rather than combating their memories. So instead of “that’s NOT how it happened!” try something like “When you said that I never did X when I was Y’s age, it makes me question how well I’m doing as a parent.” Probably easier said than done, to be sure.

And while this sore spot might never come to a full resolution for a lot of millennial parents, at least take some solace in knowing that you’re not crazy, nor are you alone. Clearly.


This article originally appeared last year.

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Mom's rallying cry for more 'lazy parenting' is gaining traction and kudos from experts

The key to raising independent kids? "Just be lazier."

@leahova/TikTok, Photo credit: Canva

"Lazy parenting" might not sound like a great approach, but it has its benefits.

Gen Xers and millennials experienced firsthand how damaging the often negligent parenting style of their boomer parents could be. That, combined with the exhausting surplus of parenting information available nowadays (particularly then many, many way in which you could secretly be SETTING YOUR KID UP FOR FAILURE) and it’s no wonder why so many modern day parents feel the need be hypervigilant in protecting their kids.

But this well-meaning intention easily turns into helicopter parenting, which also doesn’t truly help kids out in the long run—and it doesn’t feel great for parents, either.

Which is what prompted Leah Ova, a WFH mom of four, to make a now-viral video advocating for a bit more of what she calls “lazy parenting.”

In the clip, which has now been viewed over 100,000 times on TikTok, Ova shared an anecdote of her getting praise for having “independent kids.”

“We recently had friends visit. One of their kids is ... a year older than my oldest. And my friend was like, ‘I'm doing something wrong,’” she recalled. “I'm like, ‘What are you doing wrong?’ She's like, ‘Your kids are so independent. They go make themselves food. They grab a snack. They like, smear their own bagel.’”

Apparently at her friend’s house, this would not be a normal scenario.

“Her son [would be] like, ‘I want breakfast.’ And basically if she didn't make him a bagel, he ... couldn't have a bagel.”

Ova’s solution to this brekkie conundrum? “Just be lazier.”


@leahova Kids love to feel independent, as long as they know you'll be there if they need you #parenting #lazy ♬ original sound - Leahova


What is “Lazy Parenting"?”

Ova went on to explain, “What is the expression like the best form of parenting is high attentiveness, but low interference? Is that a thing? I think that's a thing. Be around, be there if they need you. But just be like, ‘Honey, I'm literally having a coffee right now. You can get it yourself.’”

Ova added that this is a boundary she has had to put in place more than once in her own household, recalling that often when one of her kids has a friend over, they will ask for a snack like apples, and ask her point blank “are you not gonna cut my apple?”

“And I’m like, ‘Do you not know how to eat an apple when it's not cut?’” Talk about a mom mic drop.

“You can always tell the kids whose parents are like literally doing everything for them. And I want everyone to know you can be lazier. Honestly, it probably makes your kids better. You need to be a lazier parent.”

Down in the comments, other parents showed their full support for this approach.

“That’s not lazy parenting, it’s raising capable humans!🥰” one person wrote, while another said, “My mom's favorite saying: ‘I raised you to leave me.’”

Of course, some people admitted that the patience required for it is very challenging.

One viewer said, “I struggle so hard with this bc they are literally so slow to do EVERYTHING. It's torture 😭.”

Lazy Parenting vs Gentle Parenting

If you go by the actual definition of “gentle parenting,” the two are, essentially, synonymous. It’s worth noting that gentle parenting is often misunderstood as “permissive parenting,” where the parent doesn’t provide a healthy framework of rules or boundaries to create structure. In truth, gentle parenting does set up rules and routines, but kids are often encouraged to figure things out for themselves. Lazy parenting also seems to fall under this category.

However, while both terms mean the same thing, experts seem to think the word “lazy” doesn't really fit, since it fails to acknowledge the actual effort required.

"Referring to it as 'lazy parenting' is funny and self-deprecating,' but it misses the mark," Amy McCready, Positive Parenting Solutions founder, told Parents.com. "What we're talking about is a more intentional approach to parenting that helps prevent entitlement."

Similarly, parenting coach Tessa Stuckey echoed: “The word lazy is defined as unwilling to work. But, I believe, parenting, especially if you are trying to allow your kids to struggle a bit and work through their problems, takes the most work."

Why Lazy Parenting is Important

Still, semantics aside, both of these experts agree that raising children to be independent is crucial, and that cannot be achieved by taking care of everything for them.

"We want to avoid being 'helicopter parents,’ hovering over them at all times so they don’t fail or fall in any way. And we also want to avoid taking on the 'lawn mower' parenting approach, smoothing the path so the child has zero obstacles," Stuckey told Parents.com. "This deprives our kids from building independence, confidence, self-awareness, and the ability to practice life skills." "This deprives our kids from building independence, confidence, self-awareness, and the ability to practice life skills."

"It’s important to approach it as a coach and supporter rather than a rescuer. Our role is to guide them through challenges and encourage problem-solving and resilience," added McCready. "This way, they learn that it's OK to ask for help, but they also develop the confidence to tackle tasks on their own."

It can be hard for parents to say no to helping their children—out of a desire to help them, or to avoid any messes sure to take place as they’re figuring things out. It definitely does require massive amounts of patience. But if the end result is a fully capable adult ready to take on the world, it’s totally worth it.

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Millennials love this grandma's take on disagreeing with her daughter's parenting decisions

Viewers are calling her a "breath of fresh air."

Photo credit: Canva

You don't have to agree to show support.

It’s great when families have involved grandparents to help create those oh-so necessary villages for raising kids. However, when disagreements as to how to raise kids—and the power struggles that follow—arise, it can make for a less-than-peaceful village.

Let’s face it, it’s hard for everyone involved. Parenting has evolved, and things that worked “back in the day” don’t necessarily work now. So many Gen X and millennial parents are painfully aware of things that didn’t serve them as kids, and don’t want to repeat that pattern for their own children. Plus, it’s really hard to instill some kind of structure when that structure is constantly being undermined.

But at the same time, it can be difficult for grandparents to just sit idly by while their adult children make decisions that could come back to haunt them later. After all, the parental instinct to protect doesn’t necessarily expire.

Still, one grandma has some pretty sagely advice for all the well-intentioned grandparents out there.

Maria, better known as “Mom-Mom Maria,” who regularly posts about her life as a grandma, recently shared her strategy for handling parental disagreements with her own adult daughter.

“If I don’t agree with every little decision that my daughter makes for the baby, I usually don’t say anything,” she said. Still she admitted that “sometimes I can’t help myself.”

For this Mom-mom (the common term for “grandma” in New Jersey), the one thing she couldn’t stay silent about was the sippy cup and straw her granddaughter Prue was given to drink milk before bed.

Maria was asked to put Prues’ milk in said supply cup while she and her husband were babysitting for the night. Though she at first resisted because she felt Prue was much too young to drink out of anything but a bottle, she recognized “it’s not my decision. I’m not the decision maker.”

“I’m not the mom: I’m the Mom-Mom, the privileged Mom-Mom that gets to babysit her,” she said.


@mommom.maria #mommom #genxtiktoker #babytok #toddlertok #millennialmom #babybottle #drbrowns #sippycup #grandparentsoftiktok #babysitting ♬ original sound - MomMom Maria


So, Maria did as her daughter instructed, and lo and behold…no problems. Prue drank her milk just fine.

“So I guess my daughter was right and that’s really what I wanted to say to the other grandmothers,” Maria concluded. “You don’t have to agree but you have to do it.”

Down in the comments, so many parents found Maria’s stance to be a “breath of fresh air.”

“Say it louder for the generations that think we don’t know what we’re doing as ‘young’ parents,” one person wrote.

Another quipped, ““I was getting ready to tussle but glad I’m on the grandma’s respecting their kid’s decisions side.”

Even fellow grandparents commended Maria’s take. One wrote, “thank you! Wish more grandparents understood this. I thought the perk of being a grandparent is that you don’t have to make any parenting decisions. You just get to enjoy the grandchildren.”

“That’s right,” echoed another. “Their kids, their rules. I’ve raised my kids, their turn. And yes, blessed to be grandma!”

And perhaps this was the best comment of all: “And the only thing your kid and grandkid will feel is love, support, and respect…and it’s that easy. And we all wish we had someone like you in our lives.”

So true. It might feel uncomfortable to let go of control, but the payoff is a stronger, healthier, more empowered family unit. In the end, it might be a pretty small sacrifice.

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Millennials share the good things they learned from their boomer parents in refreshing turn

It wasn’t all bad.

Photo credit: Canva

Millennials share good things learned from boomer parents

Boomers get a bad reputation for not understanding how expensive the world is today and for not being present for their children. When it comes to those that fit into the age category of boomers, the complaint list is so long you'd believe that they've never done anything good. Surly the people starting to settle into retirement or at least the idea of it have contributed something to the younger generations.

While it may be a trend to dunk on boomers, as a generation they did some pretty cool things. They put the first man on the moon. Many of the older boomers were the college kids protesting for civil rights and against the Vietnam War. They were part of the hippie movement which probably gave way to legalizing birth control for unmarried women in 1972. Boomers were the generation that saw women get the right to open a bank account without their husband or father's signature.

So clearly they folks younger generations like to poke fun at did some pretty amazing things but what good things did they teach their children? Millennials have spoken.

In a Reddit group dedicated to Xennials, the micro-generation between Gen X and Millennials, posed the question, "what do you think was your best lesson learned by being raised by Boomers," and they answered.

"I’m 41. My parents were both born in ‘48. They have always been fairly liberal, artsy types. The best thing I learned from them is that racism, sexism and homophobia is wrong and we should all actively work to make the world a better place. Also, that societal expectations are arbitrary and that you should carve your own path and be yourself," one person writes.

"I was born in ‘79 (mom 1955 and dad 1949 so both boomers). The best thing I learned from then was to not make excuses and be independent. They were not neglectful but they weren’t helicopter parents and let me suffer the consequences of my actions when I messed up," another says.


Photo credit: Canva

"Boomer parents taught me about cool hippie era counter culture stuff and gave me a leg up on having music, literature, and film nerd cred," someone shares.

"My parents very much taught me how to do things for myself. I knew how to fix the minor things on my car, basic plumbing, electric, obviously I could mow a lawn and grow some plants. They taught me to cook more than just the bare bones, but tasty stuff. I could do laundry the right way. And my mom actually took time to teach me how to learn. Back in the day you needed to know how to use encyclopedias and librarians. She told me I needed to know how to ask the right questions to learn what was necessary. I think they did a great job with these," one commenter responds.

For a generation that gets a lot of criticism, they did some pretty cool things and their children taking a moment to recognize the positive things about being raised by them is a positive change.

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