upworthy

boomer parents

Fatherhood

Boomer dad plays song to comfort his daughter going through divorce and it's everything

Sometimes you don't need words.

@jac.rsoe8/TikTok

Some dads just get it.

There’s no shortage of stories out there showing how emotionally distant or out of touch some baby boomers can be. Younger generations are so fed up with it that they have their own catchphrase of frustration, for crying out loud. The disconnect becomes especially visible in parenting styles. Boomers, who grew up with starkly different views on empathy, trauma, and seeking help, have a reputation for being less than ideal support systems for their children when it comes to emotional issues.

But even if they often have a different way of showing it, boomer parents of course have a lot of love for their children, and many try their best to be a source of comfort when their kid suffers as any good parent would. Occupational therapist Jacqueline (@jac.rose8) recently shared a lovely example of this by posting a video of her boomer dad helping her through a divorce in the best way he knew how.

Turns out, it was the perfect thing.

boomers, boomer couple, parents, boomer parents, adult kidsSometimes parents do understand.Image via Canva.

“My husband just said he’s divorcing me and my dad came over and I was non-functional in bed,” Jacqueline wrote her video, adding that “...boomer dad didn’t know what to do, so he played his favorite song, the Dua Lipa ‘Rocket Man’ remix 😂”

In the clip, Jacqueline’s dad is faced toward the window describing what he imagines while listening to the song and performing the sweetest dad dance ever. They go back and forth a little bit, but it's clear that her dad just wants to sit with her in the moment, be a little silly, and provide her with some comfort.

Watch:

@jac.rose8

#divorcetok #divorcesucks #divorcesupport #divorcesupportforwomen #divorcesupportsquad #supportivedad #disabilitytiktok

The heartwarming moment served as a great reminder that a lot of words aren’t always necessary.

‘“I am CRYING. This is so precious, he is trying his hardest to be there for you in any capacity. How pure ❤️,” one person wrote.

Another added, “This would instantly make me feel better.”

Even Jacqueline shared in the comments that her dad “didn’t know what to say but he was there and helped me in such a sweet way. He’s the best 🥰”

Proving that he has multiple love languages, Jacqueline later shared that her dad also went out to Home Depot to replace her lightbulbs. Not only that, but her mom also made Jacqueline’s favorite dinner.

@jac.rose8

Replying to @NatCat1738 #divorcetok #divorcesucks #divorcesupport #divorcesupportforwomen #divorcesupportsquad #supportivedad #supportivemom #disabilitytiktok

It can be easy to sometimes focus a little too much on the generational differences between boomers and everyone else, but really, it goes to show that great parents (and great people) exist in every generation. Part of what makes them great is knowing that they don't need to be perfect in order to show up when things are hard. Being there and sharing their love is enough.

This article originally appeared two years ago.

From Your Site Articles
boomer parents
Joy

Millennial's funny attempts to teach her boomer mom gentle parenting has people rolling

This clip has struck a chord, along with a few funny bones.

@thedailytay/TikTok

“I don’t even know my plan! Do you know your plan?!”

Gentle parenting has been the anxious millennial antidote to the trauma caused by their boomer parent’s not-so-gentle approach to raising kids. This new wave of parents have become determined to not let history repeat itself, to usher in a kinder, more emotionally secure, more confident generation of humans.

And while that intention is certainly admirable, perhaps we millennials, with all our self-deprecating humor, can also laugh at ourselves a bit with just how gentle we strive to be.

A fun, tongue-in-cheek and instantly viral video created by 37-year-old mom of two Taylor Wolfe can help with that.

The clip, which racked up 5.8 million views in less than 24 hours, shows Taylor trying to teach her boomer mother Sandy Wolfe all the ins-and-outs of gentle parenting so that she may use these more compassionate tactics on her grandkids.

Let’s just say, many found her failed attempt completely relatable, not to mention hilarious.

Sandy’s well intentioned “Be careful!” to her granddaughter gets met with Taylor saying, “We don’t say ‘Be careful!’ anymore. Instead say, ‘What’s your plan here?’”

“I don’t even know my plan! Do you know your plan?!” Sandy retorts.

Cut to: Sandy says “Stop. Don’t hit your sister.” Suddenly Taylor pops up from behind a corner to instruct: “Don’t say, ‘Stop,’ say, ‘Gentle.’”

“‘Gentle’…what?” asks a confused Sandy.

“‘Gentle hands,’” quips Taylor, adding. “‘Gentle’ everything.”


@thedailytay GENTLE HANDS. 🙃🫶🏻🤭❤️ #fyp #millennialsoftiktok #momsoftiktok #gentleparenting #parentsoftiktok #foryoupag #comedyvideo ♬ original sound - TaylorWolfe

Sandy can’t even catch a break when she says “I’m so proud of you.” because, as Taylor explains, “you’re not supposed to tell kids you’re proud of them anymore. That’s putting the focus on you.”

Then a classic comedy of errors ensues as Taylor advises Sandy to say “you should be so proud” and Sandy replies “I AM so proud!”

Viewers could help but laugh at their own perhaps overzealous attempts to bring gentle parenting into their life.

“I tried to gentle parent this morning but it turned into ‘OMG GET YOUR FORKING SHOES ON,”” one person wrote, while another added, “I always started with the Mary Poppins approach but sometimes you need to elevate to Judge Judy.”

Others felt like this perfectly depicted how gentle parenting sometimes misses the mark.

“I’m feeling anxious after observing gentle parenting,” one person wrote.

Another simply said, “I stand with grandma.”

This isn’t the first time Taylor and Sandy have given us a good chuckle comparing their different parenting styles. Here’s another funny video from August of 2023 where Taylor is flabbergasted to hear how her mother managed without Google:

Listen, gentle parenting is great for providing parents more mindful, less reactive responses to their kids, which can do wonders for everybody. But there’s also something to be said for not getting so wound up in the minutia of every parent-child interaction, thinking anything and everything could be threatening to a child’s development. As with anything, balance—and a sense of humor—is always key.

Follow along on more of Taylor’s fun and relatable content on TikTok.

This article originally appeared last year.

From Your Site Articles
parenting
Family

Millennials are bonding over their Boomer parents' 'gramnesia.' Here's what the viral term means.

People can't get over how "accurate" it is.

@millennialmomtherapist/Instagram, Photo credit: Canva

Millennials—are you victims of "gramnesia"?

It’s funny how once something sort of abstract experience gets a name attached to it, it suddenly becomes much easier to relate to and talk about. The internet—and primarily TikTok—has been great for that. Sure, things get out of hand quite easily (like the overuse of “therapy speak”) but there has also been quite a lot of validation and meaningful conversations that have spawned from these overnight buzzwords.

Case and point, “gramnesia.”

“Gramneisa,” which combines the words “grandparent” and “amnesia,” has been popping up on Reddit discussions for a while now, though the coiner of the term seems unknown. But only recently has it been really gaining traction.

Back in June, Maryland-based therapist and mom Allie McQuaid, really brought “gramnesia” to the forefront of the conversation when she made an Instagram video all about it.

“I just heard this term called ‘gramnesia’ when grandparents forget what it’s really like having young kids and I can’t stop thinking about how accurate it is,” she said in the clip.

And then in her caption, McQuaid shared how so many of her clients would get “slammed” by their parents about how different (i.e. “easier”) raising kids was for them whenever they brought their own children around.

These hyperbolic memories are, as McQuaid put it, so “ridiculous” that they're clearly “forgot[ten] what it was really like in those early years of parenthood.”

Some example of “gramnesia” statements could be:

“You never had tantrums when you were a kid”

“I potty trained you before you were one”

“You were always happy to eat whatever we fed you.”

“You were spanked and turned out fine!”

Clearly, Mcquaid’s video struck a chord, because it wasn’t long before people begin chiming in with their own stories of gramneis.

“My MIL, over the years, loved to act like her children were perfect growing up. I love to tell the stories of her son (my hubby) getting into all kinds of trouble as a kid - oh the shock.”

“*Baby makes any kind of noise* Grandma: "Oh they must be teething!" Me : "Umm she's 4 months old, She isn't teething yet - just has feelings and is you know - A BABY" grandma: ‘well my kids had all their teeth by 4 months’ 😐🤨”

“5 months old and not sleeping through the night? Did you try rice cereal? Baby not walking ? Rice cereal. Baby not in college yet? Have you tried rice cereal?”

“Ugh my dad literally just said this to me last week… ‘I don’t remember you guys having this many tantrums’… 🙄 right after my boys were upset.”

Mcquaid posited some theories as to why gramnesia exists in the first place.

One could simply be the natural tendency to have a cognitive bias which puts past experiences in a more positive light than they actually were, aka having “euphoric recall.”. As she told Huffpost, we tend to have a “foggier memory of how things truly were” as we get older, “especially if the experience we had was particularly difficult or even traumatic.”

Plus, the first few years of parenthood are often such a blur anyway. Mcquaid herself admitted that I” I even have a hard time remembering the first year of motherhood, and that was only four years ago.”

In addition, Mcquaid theorized that a gramnesia exists because previous generations “were not given space to express emotions or indicate that they were struggling to adjust to motherhood.” Honestly, a sound hypothesis.

And for the frustrated folks itching to confront their boomer parents about this, Mcquaid suggests picking your battles.

“Check your capacity if you have the space or energy to even consider bringing up your frustration with your parents,” she told Huffpost. “You are likely in the throes of parenting right now, and maybe all you can do is smile and nod after hearing for the 100th time how ‘you were never like this.’”

However, if you are determined to bring it up, Mcquaid suggests to keep it centered around you the situation makes you feel, rather than combating their memories. So instead of “that’s NOT how it happened!” try something like “When you said that I never did X when I was Y’s age, it makes me question how well I’m doing as a parent.” Probably easier said than done, to be sure.

And while this sore spot might never come to a full resolution for a lot of millennial parents, at least take some solace in knowing that you’re not crazy, nor are you alone. Clearly.


This article originally appeared last year.

From Your Site Articles
millennials
Family

Mom's rallying cry for more 'lazy parenting' is gaining traction and kudos from experts

The key to raising independent kids? "Just be lazier."

@leahova/TikTok, Photo credit: Canva

"Lazy parenting" might not sound like a great approach, but it has its benefits.

Gen Xers and millennials experienced firsthand how damaging the often negligent parenting style of their boomer parents could be. That, combined with the exhausting surplus of parenting information available nowadays (particularly then many, many way in which you could secretly be SETTING YOUR KID UP FOR FAILURE) and it’s no wonder why so many modern day parents feel the need be hypervigilant in protecting their kids.

But this well-meaning intention easily turns into helicopter parenting, which also doesn’t truly help kids out in the long run—and it doesn’t feel great for parents, either.

Which is what prompted Leah Ova, a WFH mom of four, to make a now-viral video advocating for a bit more of what she calls “lazy parenting.”

In the clip, which has now been viewed over 100,000 times on TikTok, Ova shared an anecdote of her getting praise for having “independent kids.”

“We recently had friends visit. One of their kids is ... a year older than my oldest. And my friend was like, ‘I'm doing something wrong,’” she recalled. “I'm like, ‘What are you doing wrong?’ She's like, ‘Your kids are so independent. They go make themselves food. They grab a snack. They like, smear their own bagel.’”

Apparently at her friend’s house, this would not be a normal scenario.

“Her son [would be] like, ‘I want breakfast.’ And basically if she didn't make him a bagel, he ... couldn't have a bagel.”

Ova’s solution to this brekkie conundrum? “Just be lazier.”


@leahova Kids love to feel independent, as long as they know you'll be there if they need you #parenting #lazy ♬ original sound - Leahova


What is “Lazy Parenting"?”

Ova went on to explain, “What is the expression like the best form of parenting is high attentiveness, but low interference? Is that a thing? I think that's a thing. Be around, be there if they need you. But just be like, ‘Honey, I'm literally having a coffee right now. You can get it yourself.’”

Ova added that this is a boundary she has had to put in place more than once in her own household, recalling that often when one of her kids has a friend over, they will ask for a snack like apples, and ask her point blank “are you not gonna cut my apple?”

“And I’m like, ‘Do you not know how to eat an apple when it's not cut?’” Talk about a mom mic drop.

“You can always tell the kids whose parents are like literally doing everything for them. And I want everyone to know you can be lazier. Honestly, it probably makes your kids better. You need to be a lazier parent.”

Down in the comments, other parents showed their full support for this approach.

“That’s not lazy parenting, it’s raising capable humans!🥰” one person wrote, while another said, “My mom's favorite saying: ‘I raised you to leave me.’”

Of course, some people admitted that the patience required for it is very challenging.

One viewer said, “I struggle so hard with this bc they are literally so slow to do EVERYTHING. It's torture 😭.”

Lazy Parenting vs Gentle Parenting

If you go by the actual definition of “gentle parenting,” the two are, essentially, synonymous. It’s worth noting that gentle parenting is often misunderstood as “permissive parenting,” where the parent doesn’t provide a healthy framework of rules or boundaries to create structure. In truth, gentle parenting does set up rules and routines, but kids are often encouraged to figure things out for themselves. Lazy parenting also seems to fall under this category.

However, while both terms mean the same thing, experts seem to think the word “lazy” doesn't really fit, since it fails to acknowledge the actual effort required.

"Referring to it as 'lazy parenting' is funny and self-deprecating,' but it misses the mark," Amy McCready, Positive Parenting Solutions founder, told Parents.com. "What we're talking about is a more intentional approach to parenting that helps prevent entitlement."

Similarly, parenting coach Tessa Stuckey echoed: “The word lazy is defined as unwilling to work. But, I believe, parenting, especially if you are trying to allow your kids to struggle a bit and work through their problems, takes the most work."

Why Lazy Parenting is Important

Still, semantics aside, both of these experts agree that raising children to be independent is crucial, and that cannot be achieved by taking care of everything for them.

"We want to avoid being 'helicopter parents,’ hovering over them at all times so they don’t fail or fall in any way. And we also want to avoid taking on the 'lawn mower' parenting approach, smoothing the path so the child has zero obstacles," Stuckey told Parents.com. "This deprives our kids from building independence, confidence, self-awareness, and the ability to practice life skills." "This deprives our kids from building independence, confidence, self-awareness, and the ability to practice life skills."

"It’s important to approach it as a coach and supporter rather than a rescuer. Our role is to guide them through challenges and encourage problem-solving and resilience," added McCready. "This way, they learn that it's OK to ask for help, but they also develop the confidence to tackle tasks on their own."

It can be hard for parents to say no to helping their children—out of a desire to help them, or to avoid any messes sure to take place as they’re figuring things out. It definitely does require massive amounts of patience. But if the end result is a fully capable adult ready to take on the world, it’s totally worth it.

From Your Site Articles
community
Trending Stories