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Boomers often forget what it's like having young kids. Millennials call it 'gramnesia.'

"You never had tantrums when you were little!"

@millennialmomtherapist/Instagram, Photo credit: Canva

Millennials, are you victims of "gramnesia"?

If there's one thing we're really good at in 2025, it's giving specific phenomena a catchy, viral name. It’s funny how once a sort of abstract experience gets a name attached to it, it suddenly becomes much easier to understand and relate to. The Internet—and primarily TikTok—has been great for that. Sure, things get out of hand quite easily (like the overuse of “therapy speak”), but there has also been quite a lot of validation and meaningful conversations that have spawned from these overnight buzzwords.

Case and point: “Gramnesia.”

“Gramnesia,” which combines the words “grandparent” and “amnesia,” has been popping up on Reddit discussions for a while now, though the coiner of the term seems unknown. But only recently has it been really gaining traction.

Back in June of 2024, Maryland-based therapist and mom Allie McQuaid, really brought “gramnesia” to the forefront of the conversation when she made an Instagram video all about it.

“I just heard this term called ‘gramnesia’ when grandparents forget what it’s really like having young kids and I can’t stop thinking about how accurate it is,” she said in the clip.

In her caption, McQuaid shared how so many of her clients would get “slammed” by their parents about how different (i.e. “easier”) raising kids was for them whenever they brought their own children around.

These hyperbolic memories are, as McQuaid put it, so “ridiculous” that they've clearly “forgot[ten] what it was really like in those early years of parenthood.”

Some examples of “gramnesia” statements could be:

“You never had tantrums when you were a kid”

“I potty trained you before you were one”

“You were always happy to eat whatever we fed you.”

“You were spanked and turned out fine!”

Clearly, McQuaid’s video struck a chord, because it wasn’t long before people begin chiming in with their own stories of gramnesia:

“My MIL, over the years, loved to act like her children were perfect growing up. I love to tell the stories of her son (my hubby) getting into all kinds of trouble as a kid - oh the shock.”

“*Baby makes any kind of noise* Grandma: "Oh they must be teething!" Me : "Umm she's 4 months old, She isn't teething yet - just has feelings and is you know - A BABY" grandma: ‘well my kids had all their teeth by 4 months’ 😐🤨”

“5 months old and not sleeping through the night? Did you try rice cereal? Baby not walking ? Rice cereal. Baby not in college yet? Have you tried rice cereal?”

“Ugh my dad literally just said this to me last week… ‘I don’t remember you guys having this many tantrums’… 🙄 right after my boys were upset.”


parenting, conflict, kids, parents, gramnesia These moments may be harder to remember. Image via Canva

McQuaid posited some theories as to why gramnesia exists in the first place.

One is that it could simply be the natural tendency to have a cognitive bias which puts past experiences in a more positive light than they actually were, aka having “euphoric recall.” As she told Huffpost, we tend to have a “foggier memory of how things truly were” as we get older, “especially if the experience we had was particularly difficult or even traumatic.”

Plus, the first few years of parenthood are often such a blur anyway. McQuaid herself admitted that ”I even have a hard time remembering the first year of motherhood, and that was only four years ago.”

In addition, McQuaid theorized that gramnesia exists because previous generations “were not given space to express emotions or indicate that they were struggling to adjust to motherhood.” Honestly, a sound hypothesis.

And for the frustrated folks itching to confront their boomer parents about this, McQuaid suggests picking your battles.

“Check your capacity if you have the space or energy to even consider bringing up your frustration with your parents,” she told Huffpost. “You are likely in the throes of parenting right now, and maybe all you can do is smile and nod after hearing for the 100th time how ‘you were never like this.’”

However, if you are determined to bring it up and set the record straight, McQuaid suggests to actually keep it centered around you and how the situation makes you feel, rather than combating their memories. So, instead of saying, “That’s NOT how it happened!” try something like, “When you said that I never did X when I was Y’s age, it makes me question how well I’m doing as a parent.” Probably easier said than done, to be sure.

And while this sore spot might never come to a full resolution for a lot of millennial parents, at least take some solace in knowing that you’re not crazy, nor are you alone.

parenting, parenting life, parents, babies, having children You'll probably forget the stress of these days too. Image via Canva.

This article originally appeared last year. It has been updated.

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15 millennial parenting struggles Boomer parents never had to deal with

"I'll go first ---> the cost of childcare."

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Millennial parents share how parenting has changed compared to Boomer parents.

Raising kids has changed with every generation. For Millennials raising kids, the parenting landscape has changed immensely since the experiences of their Boomer parents.

In an online parenting community, member @Eclectic7112 posed the question to fellow Millennials: "Millennials with kids, what's something you have to deal with, that your parents didn't have to deal with at the same level or at all?"

They followed it up with more details. "A lot has changed in the last 40 years. This includes raising kids. If there was something that you had to explain to your parents that's 'different' than it was when they raised us, what would it be?

parents, parenting, dad, babies, gif Come Here Season 6 GIF by This Is Us Giphy

As the first response, @Eclectic7112 shared, "I'll go first ---> the cost of childcare." And their peers did not hold back on their responses. Millennial parents opened up about 15 major changes they've faced as parents compared to the previous generation, from technology to sports to momfluencers.

1. "The expectation that work never ends and you should be reachable after work hours and weekends." - Beberuth1131

2. "My kids expect me to play with them ALL the time. I’m pretty sure I wasn’t allowed to talk to my dad while he was watching TV." - Dadbod646

kids, playing, parenting, playing with kids, playtime Work From Home Kids GIF by MOODMAN Giphy

3. "Having grandparents who don't help. My grandma helped, and I spent months with my grandparents during the year." -SandiegoJack

4. "Prices of stuff in general. My mom managed to raise three kids on one income at a gas station and we always had everything we needed. Did she struggle? Of course, but it was still do-able. It is beyond impossible now, even at my $20/hour paycheck." - Old-Capital5079

5. "Momfluencers." - Puzzleheaded-Sphinx

6. "Sports are so different now. I'm 43. My kid is 9 and plays hockey. Youth sports have gotten nuts. When I was a kid, you played hockey in the winter. You played for your town's team. You had a practice each week and a game each week. Now there are spring leagues, and summer leagues. There are 'competitive' triple A programs that cost tens of thousands of dollars a year. Practices are 2+ times a week or more. I've talked to other parents who are already talking about college scholarships or going pro... it's nuts. Like you don't HAVE to sign up for all of it but once you put your kid in a sport there is SO MUCH pressure to do more. I used hockey as an example but I have friends with kids who've had the same experiences in baseball, cheerleading, gymnastics, swimming, soccer..." - seanofkelley

cheerleading, cheerleader, kids cheer, cheer squad, cheerleading sport bring it GIF by Lifetime Giphy

7. "Play dates... apparently nobody can be trusted enough to watch your kid until they're like 8 or 9." - JP96

8. "The fact that technology is so integrated with school. I can’t keep my kids off screens because that’s how they do 90% of their schoolwork. Their schools start providing Chromebooks in kindergarten. Half of their assignments require watching Youtube videos. They have to fill out google forms for school events. And my kids’ band director pushes out music and drill on google drive. I constantly have to find new ways to try to give them access to what they need but still limit the constant unfettered access to the internet." - UnhappyDimension681

9. "How we sit in cars. We kind of just laid in the back on road trips. Now they're in boosters until their big. I understand safety obviously but big difference in Long road trips!" - Jessssiiiiccccaaaa

minivan, road trip, travel with kids, traveling, car Happy Honda GIF Giphy

10. "Social media and keeping-up-with-the-Jones. Almost every 8-year old in my daughter's class has a cell phone OR an Apple Watch. It's hard for my wife and I to explain to our daughter why we don't think it is a good idea for her yet. There was even some TikTok drama at her school that got the district's attention where some 5th graders were randomly matching up 5th graders as if they were dating." - dr_z0idberg_md

11. "Monitoring their consumption of media is far and away the hardest thing. I haven't caught them watching anything TOO out of bounds, but the other day we were talking about someone who'd only go on a trip if someone else was paying for it, and my 10 y/o daughter asked 'You mean like a sugar baby?' and I just...how? Where? She likes watching Youtube shorts and tutorials and those "oddly satisfying" videos, and sometimes looks up musicians she likes, but I can't screen everything she can get her hands on. I looked at her history and nothing pops out, and maybe it was someone from school, but I just don't know." - andmewithoutmytowel

12. "Summer camp. My ass was out from morning to 7 at night." - awiththejays

summer camp, camp, sleep away camp, overnight camp, kids camp summer camp GIF Giphy

13. "School drop off and pick up. I walked to school and home from school as an elementary school kid. Now, if your elementary school kid tries to walk to the school door without a parent, they’d be on the phone with CPS before your kid’s butt crossed the threshold. Walking to/from school is still a common practice in other countries but sadly not here anymore." - TrickyOperation6115

14. "Every birthday party needs a theme now." - Janeheroine

15. "The fact that we can never watch tv because the kids can watch exactly what they want on demand at anytime, not having to wait for the cartoons to come on." - Woefulraddish


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Gen X's unique mid-life crisis: Caring for teens and aging parents at the same time

For real, though, how are we supposed to do this?

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Midlife for many Gen Xers means playing two major caretaking roles.

The term "mid-life crisis" has been used for generations to describe the phase of identity-seeking and introspection that hits sometime in your 40s or 50s. Stereotypically, a mid-life crisis is marked by restlessness, dissatisfaction, and a desire for a significant life change.

Gen Xers are now fully immersed in their mid-life era, and many have a crisis on their hands that can't be resolved with a shiny sports car or a change of scenery. Millions in the "forgotten generation" are finding themselves knee deep in two major roles— parenting teens and young adults and caring for their aging parents—and it's not going so great. It's like the mid-life version of "Reality Bites."

reality bites, gen x, forgotten generation, sandwich generation, 90s movies How is Gen X middle-aged already? Giphy

Of course, every generation has had to navigate parenting and caring for elders, but cultural and economic shifts have put Gen X in a unique position of navigating both at the same time and in a more intense way than previous generations did. Many Gen Xers started families in their later 20s and early 30s, pushing the parenting teens and young adults stage a bit later than previous generations. Add on the fact that Gen X's boomer parents are living longer and have more chronic health problems than previous generations, and we have a perfect storm of caretaking overload that can feel wholly unsustainable.

Let's start with the emotional toll of navigating both of these roles at once. Everyone knows that parenting teens isn't easy, but it's arguably more complex now than it used to be. Previous parenting generations didn't have the internet and social media to contend with, and the mental health crisis of Gen Z means parents spend lots of time helping kids navigate emotional and psychological challenges. Today's young people are awesome in so many ways, but parenting them is a more intensive experience than, say, raising Gen X, who were largely left to our own devices (for better and for worse).

gen x, gen z, parenting, teens, mental health crisis Gen Z teens and young adults often confide in their parents, which is great. It also means more intensive parenting than previous generations.Photo credit: Canva

Then add on the reality of parents getting older and starting to decline physically and mentally, and the fact that there's a lack of dementia doctors for the growing population of boomers needing care, and the frustration of Gen Xers having to help navigate the increasingly confusing healthcare system on behalf of their parents, and it's easy to see why the sandwich generation might feel a little burned out.

Oh, and just for funsies, women in this age group are also going through perimenopause and menopause and dealing with all of the delightful symptoms that comes with those stages. Good times.

gen x, midlife crisis, middle age, perimenopause, menopause Hot flashes are only one of dozens of perimenopause and menopause symptoms. Giphy

And let's not forget the financial weight of it all. Theoretically, Gen Xers are at the peak of their careers and should be reaping the financial benefits of seniority and experience, but the fluctuating economy hasn't really allowed for that. According to Forbes, the average Gen Xer is "woefully unprepared" and "may require a miracle" to be able to retire, with only a small fraction of the money they should have in their retirement accounts (if they even have a retirement account at all). Plus, Gen X is apparently being passed over for leadership positions as boomers hold onto executive roles longer and companies look to younger generations to replace them, so that's neat. Trying to catch up on retirement savings while also just dealing with the cost of daily living would already be a lot, but many Gen Xers are doing that while also taking on expenses from their kids and parents both.

Gen X is putting kids through college in an era of ridiculous tuition costs, some while still paying off their own student loans they assumed would be paid off by now. Gen Z young adults also aren't launching as early as previous generations since wages haven't kept up with the cost of living, and housing is simply unaffordable for many young people on beginner salaries. So even post-college, many are still living at home with their Gen X parents to save money and rely on their parents for financial help.

And on the other end, we have the exorbitant cost of elder care, especially when there are physical or cognitive issues that require extra assistance. A lot of boomers aren't able to afford assisted living, which puts them and their families in a bind when that becomes a necessary option. The estimated median cost of living in an assisted living facility in 2025 is a whopping $72,924 a year—who can afford that but the wealthy? Even if Gen Xers bring their parent with extra needs into their home to live with them, most middle-agers are working full-time and would need to hire someone to provide their parent care during the work day. Home health care is covered by Medicare with certain medical conditions, but it's not covered if an elderly loved one only needs help with basic living activities like bathing, dressing, cooking, using the bathroom, etc. Caregiving isn't cheap, nor should it be, but someone has to shoulder those costs and Gen X is increasingly bearing the brunt of it.

What's to be done about this growing crisis? It's not like we can snap our fingers and make life more affordable for our kids or prevent our parents from needing our help as they age. What we can do is try to manage the stress that comes with these roles.

Changebridge Medical Associates offers 9 tips for the sandwich generation to lessen the stress of this stage of life. Some may feel more doable than others, but :

Communicate openly. Be open and honest in your communication. The ability to say, ‘I’m overwhelmed’ or ‘I need to step away,’ has become even more important. Remember that you are not alone, and that other people are struggling, too.

Identify stressors: What events or situations trigger stressful feelings? Are they related to your children, family health, financial decisions, work, relationships, or something else? Be sure to clearly identify the cause of your stressors so you can deal with them effectively.

stress, gen x, caregiving, parenting, midlife crisis Gen X is facing multiples stressors on multiple fronts.Photo credit: Canva

Be kind to others. Understand that we are all in the same predicament. If someone is having a tough day or hard time with something, showing kindness to each other can bring you even closer with your colleagues and friends.

Set boundaries in your home. Prioritize and delegate responsibilities. Identify ways your family and friends can lessen your load so that you can take a break. Delay or say no to less important tasks and do not feel guilty using the word “no."

Be clear on what your must-dos are. Make lists and cross off items as they are accomplished. Some people find gratification in writing a To Do list every day and crossing off things as they are completed. I know quite a few people who use Notes on their phone or utilize their calendar to set daily reminders. Whatever works best to stay organized throughout your day is what you need to do to set daily goals and tasks for yourself.


to do list, checklist, staying organized, prioritizing, must-dos Prioritizing is one key to avoiding overwhelm and burnout. Giphy

Set a routine. Keeping yourself and your family on a daily routine, especially during the week can be quite helpful. Setting expectations that your family can abide by and rely on is helpful in maintaining household organization which will ultimately bring you peace of mind. Creating a weekly menu to plan your food shopping alleviates a lot of pressure and stress.

Prioritize sleep. Sleep instead of watching more TV and scrolling through your phone. Add the extra minutes onto your sleep schedule. We all know how much sleep we need for optimal functionality. Do not shortchange yourself. Rest when you can. Do not be afraid to close your bedroom door for a power nap or some alone time. It is important for us all to take care of ourselves so we can be present for others.

Take Time for You. This is by far the most important tip. It is crucial for you to take time for yourself every day doing something that you love in order for you to destress. Focus on your own health and wellness by eating right, drinking a lot of water, and exercising. We spend so much time taking care of our families that we do not often stop to focus on our own wellbeing. Sign up for a local yoga class, take a walk or bike ride around your neighborhood, join a neighborhood walking or running club, or grab a book and find a quiet place in your home where you can close a door. Whatever it is that will give you time to recharge and pause from the day to say stressors is important for your physical and mental health.

me time, relaxation, self-care, destress, managing stress It might feel impossible sometimes, but caregiving requires self-care, too. Giphy

Ask for professional support: Accepting help from supportive friends and family can improve your ability to persevere during stressful times. If you continue to be overwhelmed by stress or the unhealthy behaviors you use to cope, you may want to talk with your primary care physician and/or a psychologist who can help you address the emotions behind your worries, better manage stress, and change unhealthy behaviors.

The one benefit of so many Gen Xers finding themselves in this boat is that no one is alone in it. Support and solidarity go a long way toward lightening the load, even in the face of unchangeable realities. Hopefully, that acknowledgment and the resilience that has always been a hallmark of Gen X will help us navigate these challenges as we walk through them together.

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5 ways old-school parents decompressed before cell phones and Netflix

"Get them to bed ON TIME. No flexibility."

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Parents in the 70s through the early 2000s had unique ways of relaxing before cell phones were prevalent.

Parents are more stressed out than ever. While the fundamentals of raising kids haven't changed much over the years, the environment in which we do it has rapidly become more complex and demanding. Social media bombards us with visuals of other parents' seemingly perfect lives and influencers who are constantly trying to sway us into their way of thinking. The demands on parents to be hyper-engaged and always "on: are rising. We get dozens of emails and texts from school and daycare every week that must be read, digested, and sometimes responded to. Securing childcare for summers and school breaks takes 100 hours of planning every year.

In short, parents are, on average, working more and doing more hands-on childcare than in decades past. You don't have to have a PhD in mathematics to know that the hours in the day just don't add up. So many parents are trying to cope in any way that they can, trying anything that might help them decompress, which includes a lot of different coping mechanisms like alcohol, THC gummies and weed, and mindlessly watching Netflix until they fall asleep. They're also withdrawing socially, over or undereating, and bottling up their feelings. Overall, it's not a great recipe.

One honest mom took to social media to make a confession. In a Reddit post, she confessed that sitting and mindlessly scrolling on her phone was the only thing she had that helped her decompress, and she wasn't feeling great about it.

She also asked for some advice from older generations who didn't have all the pressure to go-go-go, and who didn't have the option of numbly flicking through Instagram to pass the time: "Older parents, how did you decompress from toddlers? I’m a single mum and sometimes scroll my phone while she plays, esp. at noisy play gyms, just to mentally/physically reset. I feel guilty."

Older folks who were parents back in the 70s, 80s, 90s, and even early 2000s chimed in with plenty of timeless advice:

1. Put the kids to bed on time. No exceptions.

parents, parenting, old school parenting, gen x parents, boomer parents, boomer grandparents, millennial parents, kids, family For older generations of parents, bedtime was non-negotiable,. Photo by Anna Hliamshyna 💙💛 on Unsplash

Universally, the one thing older parents will always tell you is that you need to get your kids to bed on time and without feeling guilty about it. Personally, I struggle with this all the time. As your kids get older, they learn how to work you and guilt you into letting them stay up later and later. And, honestly, it's pretty awesome when your kids want to hang out with you by watching a show or playing a game together late into the evening.

But mommy and daddy need time to wind down before bed, too. Older generations were definitely better at sticking to the routine without exception.

"Get them to bed ON TIME. No flexibility except in emergencies or family events. Just seeing the bed time approaching, started my unwind. Then TV and books," one user wrote.

"My kids were ALWAYS in bed by 7:00. Then it was bath time with a good book for me. I was also a single mom and the sense of peace when they were finally asleep was exquisite!" said another.

"Set routines. That's it. No flexibility when it comes to meals, bedtime, etc. You can break that routine for very special occasions such as Birthdays, Christmas, etc however the routine is the ironclad rule of the household. This is for the kids to learn structure, and for you as the parent to get time to yourself," someone agreed.

Once the kids are firmly in bed, parents agreed that a whole wide world was open to you. You could do a puzzle, take a bath, enjoy a glass of wine. Or just go to bed yourself and get that coveted extra sleep!

2. Let them play unsupervised. Feel no guilt.

parents, parenting, old school parenting, gen x parents, boomer parents, boomer grandparents, millennial parents, kids, family Kids need unsupervised play time, and so do adults. Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

It's been a hot topic of debate as to why kids these days seem more anxious than previous generations. A lack of unstructured, unsupervised free play is definitely a factor. And, ironically, it's contributing to parents' stress, too.

This is definitely the making of the younger generation of millennial parents. Gen X and Baby Boomer parents had no issue with letting kids take advantage of their freedoms, and they were a lot more relaxed as a result.

"[My parents] let sleeping dogs lie so to speak. If it wasn't broke, they didn't look to fix it. If we were achieving as we should in school and not arrested as teenagers, they assumed we were doing fine and on track to get to college. Even as young kids we had enormous physical freedom to roam around the neighborhood on our own - and I grew up in Brooklyn and not an idyllic suburb. Both my parents worked and after we sat down to a home cooked meal on almost all week nights my parents essentially retreated to the living room and watched television or read and we kids also retreated," one user said.

"When my kids were little, I just let them play outside. They would ride their trikes back and forth on the sidewalk in front of the house. Usually a neighbor or two would also come out and we would visit while the kids ran around. After that, it was dinner time, maybe a little TV, and then bedtime. When they were older, we would go to the park and hang out with their friends while I chatted with the moms," said another.

3. Read. (Books, that is.)

parents, parenting, old school parenting, gen x parents, boomer parents, boomer grandparents, millennial parents, kids, family Reading instead of scrolling can make a huge difference. Photo by Marga Santoso on Unsplash

If you're getting the kids to bed at a decent hour or finding yourself with a few minutes of freedom in the middle of the day while they play outside, the older generations are begging you: Pick up a book instead of your phone.

"I had a book with me literally everywhere I went. If I had 30 seconds where total attention wasn't required, I was reading. Now I keep books on my phone so nothing's really changed except the medium," someone wrote.

"My mum used to lock herself in the toilet (as it was the only room with a lock) and read a lot of a book sat on the toilet," added another.

Reading books has tons of benefits for the brain, like making you sharper, more intelligent, and lowering stress. Screen time, on the other hand, is "empty calories" for the brain—it's easy and fun, but harmful in large amounts as it can lead to sleep issues and more anxiety, for starters.

Luckily, you can get a Kindle for pretty cheap and have easy, instant access to tons of books. The screen is easier on your eyes than a phone, and you won't get distracted by social media or texts.

4. Ask for help.

parents, parenting, old school parenting, gen x parents, boomer parents, boomer grandparents, millennial parents, kids, family Parents need more community support. Photo by Tim Mossholder on Unsplash

America has always been known as a heavily-individualistic culture. But over the years, the extended family unit has definitely suffered. A Surgeon General's advisory from 2023 shows that people communicate with family outside their immediate household far less often than in years past.

That's a shame, because older parents survived and thrived in part because they got more help. But help can take many forms, from grandparents to neighbors to friends. You might just have to learn how to ask for it:

"One more thing that probably made a big difference is grandparents. Back in the day when my kids were young, grandparents were probably a lot more available and active in the grandkids' lives than they are now. They gave us respite before we got to the point of feeling like we needed it," one user wrote.

"We collaborated with relatives or friends. get a pool of parents going, have meet ups with kids of similar age. you can then rotate with those parents if you have an appointment or just need an hour or two of sanity," said another.

"When my kids were young, we spent a lot of time with other families so the kids could go off and play together and we could have adult time. Kids could play safely outside and did so on a regular basis, mostly because parents were also outdoors more and adults who happened to be outside looked after other people's kids. Having strong communities, strong ties, made things a lot easier."

5. Zone out.

The more things change, the more they stay the same. Just because older generations didn't have smartphones and streaming doesn't mean they didn't turn their brains off every now and then.

Their advice? Stop beating yourself up, even for your less-than-ideal coping habits. This stuff is hard.

"I would strap [my kids into] their car seat, close the door, and then walk around the car to the driver's seat. That short walk around the car was my happy place. An oasis of calm. A short interlude of bliss," one commenter joked.

"I was also a single mom. Phones weren’t as prevalent when the youngest was a toddler in 2008. I believe I would zone out. It was a form of meditation in a way. I was disassociating but if I scroll and dissasosiate on the phone I feel worse. Don’t beat yourself up. Hang in there!" said another.

"Peace in engagement, in quietly watching, quietly observing, especially since time flies and when you pick up your phone it flies even faster. Which creates more guilt and anxiety. Try it. Look at the time, play on your phone, see how fast time goes. But sit and do nothing but watch, and time slows down and you can rest."

One thing older generations of parents can all agree on is that the pressure today's parents face has gotten completely out of control. The truth is, the world is different, and not all of the "old ways" still work. But it doesn't mean we can't learn anything from how things used to be.

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