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body language

Education

Pillow hugger or stool rester? What your couch sitting style uncovers about your personality

How we sit says a lot.

Photo credit: Canva

A psychologist breaks down what 5 comon couch sitting styles reveal about our personality.

Many of the most seemingly mundane of activities can reflect deeper aspects of our psyche—be it how we use our body language, or even what side of the bed we sleep on.

Even the way we sit on the couch can uncover clues to our personality, according to psychologist Dr Rebekah Wanic.

As reported by The Mirror, Dr. Wanic partnered with Sofa Club to analyze five common couch sitting positions and determine likely character traits associated with each one—from a need for control to complete laissez faire-ness, and everywhere in between.

Curious as to what your go-to move says about you? Read on.

Sitting criss-cross

Photo credit: Canva

Those who like to sit criss-cross-applesauce, aka Criss-Crossers, often have a “desire to project an image of sophistication and composure,” says Wanic.

Ultimately, Criss-Crossers want to appear “polished and controlled.” Or maybe they do a lot of yoga, who knows.

Lounging back

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If you’re a “Lay Back Lounger,” Wanic surmises that you’re all about “relaxation and comfort” and are perfectly confident taking up the space to do so.

Sitting with knees curled up

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Those who sit with their knees curled up, nicknamed “Snug Sitters,” also value comfort, along with peace. That “may also be less interested in gaining attention but more focused on enjoying their experience,” says Wanic.

Propping feet on a stool

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“Footstool Fans,” as Wanic calls them, are likely to be very practical, yet adaptable…which is something my recliner-loving husband will surely rub in my face from now on.

Hugging a pillow while sitting

Photo credit: Canva

Lastly, Wanic said that “Cushion Cuddlers” are most likely to be more on the shy, introverted side who prefer “blending in” to standing out.

Of course, these labels aren’t necessarily gospel. An extrovert can certainly enjoy hugging a pillow from time to time. Maybe you just want to prop your feet up to take some pressure off your back. Or maybe you’re like me and go through all six of these positions in a single hour.

While non verbal communication has relevance, many people erroneously believe in body language myths that have little evidence to back them—thanks in no small part to TikTok. Many still believe, for example, that speaking while looking in different directions indicates deceit, though that has long been debunked. Or that crossing your arms signals discomfort (spoiler: not necessarily).

Humans are complex creatures, even when they’re sitting on the couch. We can’t determine the full scope of all their inner workings from just one thing. But, certain patterns of behavior can tell a story. As the saying goes, “"We are what we repeatedly do.” Plus, just like with taking an online quiz or reading your horoscope, it’s nice to quell our curiosity, gain a better sense of ourselves and others, maybe even feel some validation. Not to mention, it’s just fun!

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Parenting

Mom teaches son consent through non-verbal body language cues in brilliant video

She uses hugs to show enthusiastic consent and body language that says no.

Kelsey Pomeroy|Instagram

Mom uses body language to teach son about consent

Fostering an environment where consent is expected and respected can be difficult if you don't quite know how to make it work. Consent has been a big conversation in society since the "Me Too" movement where people shared their stories of sexual assault or sexual violence. A theme began developing around consent and it became clear that not everyone understood what consent and non-consent looks like in a hormone-fueled moment.

This has led to parents trying to figure out the best ways to teach their children about verbal consent and enthusiastic consent. But there's one area that sometimes gets overlooked and one mom is taking to social media to show how she teachers her sons to recognize non-verbal body language that can mean consent and non-consent.

Kelsey Pomeroy, a mom of two boys, recently shared a video showing how she is teaching her children to not only listen for verbal consent but to look for signs of physical consent as well.

In the video she's standing in the kitchen and the text overlay reads, "I am a mom of 2 boys and we play the body language game to teach consent." It starts off by her telling her young son that she's not going to be speaking during the game but he has to figure out from her body language if she is saying yes or no. Her son immediately understood when it was okay to hug and not okay.

"We talk about how even if someone isn't saying 'no' with their words, they might be saying 'no', 'I don't like this', or 'I'm uncomfortable' with their body language. That means we stop," Pomeroy writes in the caption.

The mom of two says that they also reverse the roles so her sons get practice saying "no" with their words and their body. There are also conversations about standing up for others and reading body language in other situations, and parents are applauding her lessons.

"As the mom of 2 girls, I cried watching this, thinking of the future respectful men my girls will get to interact with because of awesome moms like you. Thank you," one woman writes.

"As a mom of a 2 yr old boy who LOVES to give hugs to other little girls, this is so freaking smart!!! I've defaulted so many times with trying to tell the little girl to tell him no, and I'm totally perpetuating patriarchal Norms by doing that. What a great exercise to do with your little one (especially little boys). Thank you so much for sharing this," another mom praises.

"I don't have kids, but I work with them! I love that you're able to teach this with your son and I really wish more parents would teach their kids this!! Especially teaching him body language cues, since not everyone is ABLE to speak with their words," someone else says.

Clearly this message is much appreciated by other parents who are now taking notes on how to play the body language game with their own children. Teaching consent doesn't have to be hard and it's always worth it.

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Education

Former FBI agent and spy catcher shares the body language myths we erroneously believe

Joe Navarro's insights are fascinating—but you probably don't want to play poker with him.

Photo by Tyler Nix on Unsplash
man standing on concrete pavement

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If there's one guy you don't want to play poker with, it's Joe Navarro.

As a former FBI agent, Navarro's job was to catch spies—people whose entire job entails tricking people into thinking they are something they're not. In his 25-year career with the FBI, Navarro became an expert in body language and non-verbal communication. In fact, he's written multiple books on the subject, including "What Every Body Is Saying: An Ex-FBI Agent's Guide to Speed-Reading People" and "The Dictionary of Body Language: A Field Guide to Human Behavior."

Navarro shared with WIRED some of the myths surrounding body language—or "non-verbals"—and some of them are so common, we probably don't even question whether they're true.

For instance, crossing your arms is commonly seen as a "blocking" behavior, to place a barrier between you and whoever you're talking to. In reality, says Navarro, it's a self-soothing behavior. Other common myths are that looking in one direction or the other is a sign of deception or that people who cover their mouth or nose are lying. It's natural for people to look in various directions as they're processing information and touching the nose or covering the mouth are soothing behaviors.

"We humans are lousy at detecting deception," Navarro says. Sometimes there are clues in specific non-verbals. He shares how someone's hair, forehead, eyes, nose, mouth and neck can offer information about a person. How a person carries themselves can tell us something as well. But there's not one single indicator that a person is lying.

"When we study non-verbals, it's not about making judgments," he says. "It's about assessing 'What is this person transmitting in that moment?'"

Watch:

Navarro explained that reading people's body language is often about noticing how their non-verbals change rather than just what they are in any given moment. Sometimes it's about someone trying to hide a certain instinctual behavior, which means the person is trying to manage people's perception of them. And sometimes it comes down to knowing cultural differences, like how people in Eastern Europe carry flowers vs. how Americans do.

And as for poker? His analysis of what each player was doing at the table at different times was quite fascinating.

"The similitudes of sitting across from a spy or sitting across from players—it's their reactions to a stimulus. We have behaviors indicative of psychological discomfort that we use at home, at work, or at the poker table," he says. From head movements to chair shifting to where people place their hands, the players are saying something. Navarro's advice to watch someone's body language on double speed to see what movements really stand out was particularly interesting.

As Navarro says, most of our communication is actually non-verbal, so it's good to know what people are "saying" with their bodies. But as it turns out, it's not always as simple to figure out people's body language as we've been led to believe.

You can find Joe Navarro's books on body language here.


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Identity

Trans man shares the body language he learned to work with ‘intimidating’ men at steel mill

A brilliant cheat sheet for men everywhere.

via TheGravelBro/TikTok and PEO ACWA/Flickr

Leo Macallan transitioned to male and joined the blue-collar workforce.

Leo Macallan is an actor, trans model, author and a confessed keen observer of human behavior. As a transgender man, he is in the unique position of being able to understand gender-based behavior from multiple perspectives.

After transitioning, Macallan worked blue-collar jobs alongside a lot of men who weren't exactly accepting of transgender people or those who were different. So, he had to learn to adjust his body language and communication style to feel comfortable and project an air of confidence in an aggressive environment.

To share his knowledge with others who may be uncomfortable in male-dominated environments, he created a video where he revealed his body language and communication tips. Macallan also shared how to observe the group of men to determine the hierarchy and how to react to offensive behavior.


Here are his 4 most important tips:

Some advice from papa bear

@thegravelbro

some advice from papa bear #ftm #transgender #fyp #transman #beard

1. Go Slow

"Walking fast, fast hand movements, they just read nervous,” he said. “Even when I do the dumbest things, I do them slow. Say I was at the supermarket and I dropped [a bottle of soda]...I would lean down very, very slowly, very casually, like the laziest lion in the den."

"It's all about the presentation and the perception of who you are and what you're doing," Macallan added.

2. Body language

"I want you to spread out as much as you can,” he said. “Put your arm across the chair. Any time I'm sitting down and there's a chair next to me, guess what? I'm pushing the chair out, I'm putting my whole arm over it and I'm leaning back with my chin up and I'm crossing my legs or stretching them out. Don't do that around girls.”

He says that spreading out is a "powerful stance," and it will trick your mind into calming down.

3. Control your laughter

"If you're within a dude and he's making a joke and you don't think it's funny, don't laugh,” he said. “Just sit there. The art of not filling space also emanates confidence. You don't have to fill the space. If they say something really offensive or are trying to f*** with you, all you have to say is, 'What was that? Can you repeat that?' and say it real loud. Watch them squirm."

4. Be the observer

"You need to practice being the observer and not the observed,” he said. “The minute you switch that perspective, you can calm down."

Macallan’s final takeaway is that even though men you’ll find on blue-collar work sites may appear to be in control and know precisely what they’re doing, a lot of it is actually an act. The best part, it’s one that you can learn, too.

"I can't tell you how many times I stood in that steel mill with a bunch of other dudes around me and they're all scratching their bellies like confused orangutans, but they're making a s***ton of money, " he said. "So, keep that in mind. That helped me face a lot of my fears."

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