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'Making everyone feel included': 14 of the most 'attractive' social skills you can have

"A very underrated one is being able to make the person you are talking to feel good/smart about themselves."

via Canva/Photos

A man and woman hitting it off on a date.

When people talk about those with excellent social skills, we often say they are charismatic, have a way with people, or were born with the gift of gab. They may have an “infectious energy” or be able to talk to anyone. It can often seem like these are innate qualities that someone is born with, but they are also skills most can learn.

One of the easiest ways to become more sociable is to improve your listening skills. Studies show that people who are great at listening ask genuine questions, are attentive, and pay attention to body language. Also, by presenting positive body language, you can give the impression to others that you are more approachable and are intently listening to what the other person is saying.

That being said, some barriers make it harder for some people to develop excellent social skills. A lot of it has to do with how they were raised. “Learning social skills can be difficult if you weren’t exposed to traditional group dynamics as a child, if you struggle with a mental illness like anxiety or depression, or even if you just didn’t have a lot of positive role models when you were growing up,” Eric Ravenscraft writes for The New York Times.

conversation, attractive social skills, great conversationalistTwo women having a great converation. via Canva/Photos

Another way to improve one’s social skills is to find what other people find attractive, not just in a romantic sense, but what makes them enjoyable to be around. A Redditor on the Social Skills subforum asked people what the “most attractive “social skill” and people sounded off the things that make people a pleasure to talk to and be around.

Here are 14 of the “most attractive” social skills.

1. Making everyone feel included

"Being able to make everyone feel included. I am a bit of an anxious mess sometimes, and I LOVE the type of person that just makes you feel accepted/included/ a part of the group."

2. Appropriate amount of eye contact

"Not afraid to break eye contact, but not too long enough to make the other person feel uncomfortable. Not being afraid to open up or tell something vulnerable."

"Knowing how to break away eye contact is never emphasized. Like, aren't people aware that intense eye contact looks psychopathic, creepy, or disturbing?"

3. They make people feel smart

"A very underrated one is being able to make the person you are talking to feel good/smart about themselves. I had a few mentors that did this. Anytime I’d say something, they would make me feel smart/good by responding, 'Yes, you are totally right,' or something along those lines. Of course, it needs to be genuine, but you can tell the difference in how people react. Also, if you know someone has knowledge about something, asking them questions about is great too."


conversation, attractive social skills, great conversationalistA man and woman having a great conversaion.via Canva/Photos

4. Being a good listener

"Being a good listener. I don't mean by just nodding and agreeing with the person and forgetting what they've told you or submitting yourself to a ranter because you're a people pleaser. I mean when someone makes you feel comfortable speaking, they ask questions, they engage, etc. Extra bonus if the speaker is also a listener and hasn't had anyone else to listen to them because others just use them."

"Women have this joke about 'Let a man speak for ten minutes and he’ll think he’s in love with you' but there’s reasons for that lol. For one thing, so many people are terrible listeners, so it is genuinely attractive. They’ve probably just never shut up for more than a few minutes in their life before. l And the other is that men are so deprived for healthy interactions like this where the other person actually cares about what they’re saying, that it genuinely means a lot to them because it’s so rare."

5. Laughing on cue

"As an awkward person, letting someone else take over the conversation while I smile and nod has never failed me."

6. Being funny

Humorous people aren't just fun to be around; studies show that when both men and women read someone's dating profile, those who are funny are more attractive. Research has found that one of the most important reasons is that funny people signal adaptability and creative problem-solving—traits crucial for maintaining long-term relationships. "In this sense, humor isn’t just about making people laugh—it may reflect an individual’s ability to approach challenges with flexibility and innovation, key traits for navigating a relationship’s ups and downs," Brian Collisson Ph.D. writes at Psychology Today.

7. A free-thinker

"Anyone who is able to unapologetically separate themselves from the Hive-Mind. It’s so easy to get caught up in the crowd and develop thoughts, opinions, and ideas of those you surround yourself with. So, anyone with the ability to objectively approach any situation, topic, or person without immediate judgement and rationally decipher thru all the bullsh*t regardless of what others may think or say…extremely attractive…and rare."

8. A good dancer

"I was going to say partner dancing lol. I've been learning to salsa dance at a social dance club near me, and it's been a blast. Have loved it so far."

"There’s a lot of communication and give and take going on in salsa dancing and other traditional Latin dances that are invisible to the naked eye. Definitely adds like 10 points if you’re good at it lol."


9. Soothing tone of voice

"People sometimes think connecting is about so many specifics: these particular words, that length of eye contact, some sort of posture etc. When, in fact, what people are MOST affected by is your tone of voice. If you're able to convey WARMTH you can win over 95 percent of people. I would define warmth as friendliness, extending an invitation with your voice, ACCEPTING people using your tone, and kind of an inherent confidence while doing that. It's something that I call a 'Vocal Hug.' Once you know how to do this, almost everything else falls into place."

10. True charisma

"You won’t get an answer 'cause it’s not something that can be described in words, just a feeling. When you’re there you know and when it’s done to you you know."

"It’s so obscure, but we all recognize it when we meet someone that has it. It’s a feeling. It’s all psychological."

11. Easy banter

"I love banter. I love an easy back-and-forth that doesn’t feel caustic or uncomfortable the way that teasing sometimes does, where you have to guess or overthink whether that comment was meant to push at your boundaries or not."


conversation, attractive social skills, great conversationalistA man and woman having a fun conversation.via Canva/Photos

12. They're great 'explainers'

"For me, the most attractive social skill is the ability to explain something confidently in a way that makes everyone listen and understand."

13. Good words on a bad day

"Having nice words left despite being in a bad mood. Everyone knows following situation: Someone comes to work with a bad mood, starts getting mad about the smallest stuff, colleagues get pissed because they get yelled at for the smallest stuff and suddenly everyone is is pissed at each other. I have big respect for people that can be surrounded by such negativity and still find the time to give a smile, compliments and ask how you're doing."

14. They enjoy silence

"The people who don’t rush to fill every silence or feel the need to are AMAZING …. I wish one day i’ll meet someone i can enjoy silence with."

"Comfortable silences are always greatly appreciated. Conversation can be great and helpful at passing the time, but it’s a healthy sign that one is mentally/emotionally mature enough to realize that neither need to be constantly entertained like children. It can also indicate a person who genuinely enjoys being around you and is comforted by your presence."

"Facts. Silence isn’t awkward unless you make it awkward."


- YouTubewww.youtube.com

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Health

Body language expert reveals hack that shows the 'true emotion' on someone's face

There's one thing they can't hide.

via Cottonbro Studio/Pexels and Cottonbro Studio/Pexels

You can learn a lot by alayzing faces.

There are countless situations in life where we have to figure out how someone really feels, but they have a good poker face that keeps their feelings well-hidden. According to body language expert Terry Vaughan even the most deceptive people in the world have a tell: the left and right sides of their face don’t usually match.

So, which side do we believe? Vaughan says the left.

“The reason this is a powerful hack is because the left side of the face is more likely to reveal the ‘true emotion’ or the ‘dominant’ emotion if there’s a mix,” Vaughan says. The reason? “The right hemisphere of our brain does more heavy lifting in dealing with processing emotions. The left hemisphere…is a little more analytical or ‘strategic.’”

If someone is trying to be deceptive and “present” a dishonest emotion, their true feelings or “dominant emotions” will be noticeable on the left side of their face. When you’re talking to a salesman and you don’t really know how they feel about the used car they're selling, pay attention to the incongruity between both sides of their face.

@terryvaughan_

#creepy #dangerous #stalked #personalsafety #bodylanguage #facereading #tvempowers

“Focus all of your visual attention on the left side of the individual’s face rather than the whole thing or the right,” Vaughan instructed.

The body language hack is a big hit on TikTok with over 10 million plays.

"OMG I've always covered one eye on people's pictures to see the real them! My family thought i was crazy! Now I know I was right in doing so," LT wrote in the comments. "I love this... but imagine this scenario, carrying a cardboard to the next coffee date, pulling it out and halfing their face to check," Maria_me joked.

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Parenting

Mom teaches son consent through non-verbal body language cues in brilliant video

She uses hugs to show enthusiastic consent and body language that says no.

Kelsey Pomeroy|Instagram

Mom uses body language to teach son about consent

Fostering an environment where consent is expected and respected can be difficult if you don't quite know how to make it work. Consent has been a big conversation in society since the "Me Too" movement where people shared their stories of sexual assault or sexual violence. A theme began developing around consent and it became clear that not everyone understood what consent and non-consent looks like in a hormone-fueled moment.

This has led to parents trying to figure out the best ways to teach their children about verbal consent and enthusiastic consent. But there's one area that sometimes gets overlooked and one mom is taking to social media to show how she teachers her sons to recognize non-verbal body language that can mean consent and non-consent.

Kelsey Pomeroy, a mom of two boys, recently shared a video showing how she is teaching her children to not only listen for verbal consent but to look for signs of physical consent as well.

In the video she's standing in the kitchen and the text overlay reads, "I am a mom of 2 boys and we play the body language game to teach consent." It starts off by her telling her young son that she's not going to be speaking during the game but he has to figure out from her body language if she is saying yes or no. Her son immediately understood when it was okay to hug and not okay.

"We talk about how even if someone isn't saying 'no' with their words, they might be saying 'no', 'I don't like this', or 'I'm uncomfortable' with their body language. That means we stop," Pomeroy writes in the caption.

The mom of two says that they also reverse the roles so her sons get practice saying "no" with their words and their body. There are also conversations about standing up for others and reading body language in other situations, and parents are applauding her lessons.

"As the mom of 2 girls, I cried watching this, thinking of the future respectful men my girls will get to interact with because of awesome moms like you. Thank you," one woman writes.

"As a mom of a 2 yr old boy who LOVES to give hugs to other little girls, this is so freaking smart!!! I've defaulted so many times with trying to tell the little girl to tell him no, and I'm totally perpetuating patriarchal Norms by doing that. What a great exercise to do with your little one (especially little boys). Thank you so much for sharing this," another mom praises.

"I don't have kids, but I work with them! I love that you're able to teach this with your son and I really wish more parents would teach their kids this!! Especially teaching him body language cues, since not everyone is ABLE to speak with their words," someone else says.

Clearly this message is much appreciated by other parents who are now taking notes on how to play the body language game with their own children. Teaching consent doesn't have to be hard and it's always worth it.

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Education

Former FBI agent and spy catcher shares the body language myths we erroneously believe

Joe Navarro's insights are fascinating—but you probably don't want to play poker with him.

Photo by Tyler Nix on Unsplash
man standing on concrete pavement

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If there's one guy you don't want to play poker with, it's Joe Navarro.

As a former FBI agent, Navarro's job was to catch spies—people whose entire job entails tricking people into thinking they are something they're not. In his 25-year career with the FBI, Navarro became an expert in body language and non-verbal communication. In fact, he's written multiple books on the subject, including "What Every Body Is Saying: An Ex-FBI Agent's Guide to Speed-Reading People" and "The Dictionary of Body Language: A Field Guide to Human Behavior."

Navarro shared with WIRED some of the myths surrounding body language—or "non-verbals"—and some of them are so common, we probably don't even question whether they're true.

For instance, crossing your arms is commonly seen as a "blocking" behavior, to place a barrier between you and whoever you're talking to. In reality, says Navarro, it's a self-soothing behavior. Other common myths are that looking in one direction or the other is a sign of deception or that people who cover their mouth or nose are lying. It's natural for people to look in various directions as they're processing information and touching the nose or covering the mouth are soothing behaviors.

"We humans are lousy at detecting deception," Navarro says. Sometimes there are clues in specific non-verbals. He shares how someone's hair, forehead, eyes, nose, mouth and neck can offer information about a person. How a person carries themselves can tell us something as well. But there's not one single indicator that a person is lying.

"When we study non-verbals, it's not about making judgments," he says. "It's about assessing 'What is this person transmitting in that moment?'"

Watch:

Navarro explained that reading people's body language is often about noticing how their non-verbals change rather than just what they are in any given moment. Sometimes it's about someone trying to hide a certain instinctual behavior, which means the person is trying to manage people's perception of them. And sometimes it comes down to knowing cultural differences, like how people in Eastern Europe carry flowers vs. how Americans do.

And as for poker? His analysis of what each player was doing at the table at different times was quite fascinating.

"The similitudes of sitting across from a spy or sitting across from players—it's their reactions to a stimulus. We have behaviors indicative of psychological discomfort that we use at home, at work, or at the poker table," he says. From head movements to chair shifting to where people place their hands, the players are saying something. Navarro's advice to watch someone's body language on double speed to see what movements really stand out was particularly interesting.

As Navarro says, most of our communication is actually non-verbal, so it's good to know what people are "saying" with their bodies. But as it turns out, it's not always as simple to figure out people's body language as we've been led to believe.

You can find Joe Navarro's books on body language here.


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