upworthy

body image

Celebrity

Kate Winslet regrets not calling out 'bullying' journalists. Young women, please take note.

"If I could turn back the clock, I would have used my voice in a completely different way."

Photo credits: Maggie (Maggiejumps) (left) GabboT (right)

Kate Winslet reflects on how her younger self interacted with the media.

When you're a celebrity in the spotlight, especially if you're a woman, your looks are constantly placed under a microscope. Every wrinkle on your face, every pound you gain or lose, every time the paparazzi catches up to you on a bad hair day, it's all fodder for a hungry entertainment media machine that thrives on scrutinizing beauty.

Kate Winslet should know. As an actress who made a name for herself in Hollywood as a young woman, her body size and shape was often a topic of conversation. Winslet was 22 years old when she played the role of Rose in "Titanic," and she has said that the fame that followed that film was "horrible," largely because of the media attention and the pressure to look a certain way.

“Apparently I was too fat,” Winslet said in an interview on the "Happy Sad Confused" Podcast in 2022. “Why were they so mean to me? They were so mean. I wasn’t even f--ing fat." Some media commentators were unabashed in their fat shaming, and commentary about her body went on for years.

Winslet expressed regret that she didn't push back more against "bullying" and "borderline abusive" journalists back in the day, and it's a good reminder for younger women today to use their voices to speak up when this kind of thing happens.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

"If I could turn back the clock I would have used my voice in a completely different way," Winslet said. "I would have responded to journalists: 'Don't you dare treat me like this. I'm a young woman. My body's changing. I'm figuring it out. I'm deeply insecure. I'm terrified. Don't make this any harder than it already is.' That's bullying, you know, and actually, borderline abusive, I would say."

She said it's "getting better" but there's still a long ways to go. "Even if an actress walks out on a red carpet and happens to look amazing in whatever she's wearing, the fact that people will say, 'Looks honed and toned' or, dreadful word, 'svelte.' Don't even say it! It's such an irresponsible thing to do, and it feeds directly into young women aspiring to ideas of perfection that don't exist, aspiring to have bodies that the press are saying that we have."

kate winslet win GIF by BAFTAGiphy

Then she laid down the raw, real truth about those fancy red carpet events: "It's for one night and one night only that we're in that damn dress. And believe you me, mine comes straight off the second I'm in the car on the way home, and I'm in my pajamas, eating chips and farting. That's what we do!"

It's not always easy to know what to do or say in the moment when you are being mistreated, but hearing Winslet say what she wished she had said is a lesson for younger women everywhere. At the time, she may have felt helpless, but she wasn't. She had a voice and laments not using it.

Winslet also spoke to 60 minutes in 2024 and recalled the comments made about her on the red carpet during "Titanic" awards season, when journalists said she looked "a little melted and poured into that dress" and that she needed to have gotten one "two sizes larger."

“It’s absolutely appalling,” Winslet said. “What kind of a person must they be to do something like that to a young actress who’s just trying to figure it out?”

She said she did confront someone in the press face-to-face once, saying, "I hope this haunts you." Tearing up remembering that time, Winslet said, "It was a great moment. It was a great moment because it wasn't just for me. It was for all those people who were subjected to that level of harassment. It was horrific. It twas really bad."

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Kudos to Kate Winslet for once again being a real one, reminding us that beauty is something far more than the way someone looks and that bullying or harassment of anyone, even people in the public eye, is never okay.

Love Stories

'Fat girl meets hot guy' love story has happy ending and plenty of haters

This one's for anyone who's ever been told "you'd be so beautiful if only you lost a little weight."

Unsplash

Sierra Hufham was on vacation in the Dominican Republic when she got to chatting with a nice older couple by the pool. The three of them hit it off so well, Hufham — single at the time — decided to take a chance: "If you have any kids, I'm daughter-in-law material."

The couple introduced her to their son, Brandon, but there was a problem: “It was like, love at first sight. It was magical," she tells People. But..."I was shocked because he was this hot, ripped guy. And here I am, this big girl.”

The unspoken rules of our society dictate that a relationship like this could never work out, between a self-described fat girl and a fitness-obsessed dude with six pack abs. But a few years later, Sierra and Brandon got married and, despite the odds, they're happier than ever.

Sierra recently explained the ups and downs of her unique love story on TikTok, where it went viral.

Sierra shares her journey under the handle @the_fatgirldiaries. In her most popular clip, she bluntly asks and answers the question: "Can fat girls date hot guys?"

"The answer is 100% unequivocally Yes," she says. "Because I landed one."


Ariana Grande Singing GIF by The VoiceGiphy

"I don't want you to feel like if you are fat, that you are a fetish. Because you're just a person, you're a person just like a skinny girl. As a person you have personality, you have beauty, you have style, you have finesse just like a skinny girl does. So don't feel like anybody's out of your reach. Because they're not."

Sierra goes on to explain that she was told her whole life that she'd never be able to make an attractive man fall in love with her, and it took years and years of work to undo that programming and rebuild her confidence.

"[My own mother] used to say to me 'You know, you're so pretty but if you just lost 100 pounds, you'd be a knockout and then you could get a really good looking guy.' ... That ruined my self-esteem for a long time."

"But she was wrong 'cause I got literally like the hottest guy in the world and I'm 150 pounds heavier than him. And he loves me as I am and not as a fetish. You can land anybody you want to, weight is not the issue here. It's peoples mindsets and their hearts and that's what matters."

Watch the full video here:


@the_fatgirldiaries

Channeling my inner @Alicia Mccarvell for this one because her marriage inspires me daily and I feel such a similar way🫶🏼 My husband has loved me thin and he has loved me overweight. Because he fell in love with who I am as a person, my weight does not matter. My husband is into fitness and the personal training type world and it interests us both. Weight and food has always been my issue, but that doesn’t have anything to do with love, attraction, or our relationship. Yes, some of us have preferences and thats totally okay but in the end it should be all about the person’s heart and values, goals and dreams, humor and lifestyle, and thats what he fell in love with. I know that no matter my weight, this man supports and loves me and it is not a fetish of any kind. Its because we’ve invested and put effort into our relationship and built a beautiful life together. I couldnt be more thankful for this man and how he refuses to judge me. Yes, he wants me to be my healthiest, but that does not include a number on the scale. Ladies, you are all beautiful no matter your weight and you can land anybody you want to. The world is your oyster. Love goes beyond looks. Everything is about heart. Love you forever baby😘 #weightlossjourney #relatable #fat #fatgirl #plussize #biggirl #viralvideo #loseweight #diary #glp1 #glp1journey #tirzepetide #weightlosscommunity #glp1community #controversial #hubby


The video got over 800,000 views and counting, along with thousands of comments. The overwhelming majority showed Sierra really struck a cord with women everywhere.

Clearly Sierra isn't the only one who felt, or was repeatedly told growing up, that they'd never find love without losing weight.

"Literally the stuff my mom said to me wrecked me still 25 yrs later," one user wrote.

"My whole life has been 'You have such a pretty face, if you only lost X pounds...'" said another.

"This actually made me cry. I grew up in a household that said mean things like the things your mother said to u and it diminished my confidence. I’m working on my confidence. Thank you for this," another user added.

Comments just like this poured in over and over. Sierra's video was cathartic for so many women who had experienced the same struggles and were overjoyed to finally have some hope for their own happy ending.

@the_fatgirldiaries

Replying to @mvtroffa You all asked and I answered! Fat girls can get hot guys too! Dont count yourself out just because you are bigger! Your heart, personality and confidence are what is going to shine through. You deserve all the love in the world. #fatgirl #biggirl #relationshiptiktok #fyp #weightloss #fat #relatable #controversy #controversial #hubby #couplegoals

But Sierra says she gets plenty of haters, too, and lots of "rough" comments. But it doesn't stop her from continuing to spread her journey of acceptance, love, and positivity.

There's a ton of stigma around thinner men dating fatter women. Women like Sierra get told constantly that their "hotter" spouses can do better, will eventually cheat on them, or that they don't deserve the love that they've found. Fat women are expected to be grateful to get any attention at all and to accept poor treatment or even abuse in relationships.

Frustratingly, it doesn't really seem to go the other way. Larger men who date women who are thinner than them also receive scrutiny, but not nearly to the same level. In fact, they're more likely to get a high five for somehow pulling off such a coup!

Even some of those who aren't openly critical of Sierra's story remain skeptical. "Your husband is one in a million," a commenter wrote. "Most men don't like chubby. They don't look past the weight," said another. "Yeah they like use behind closed doors not in public," someone wrote.

Sierra, through her social media following, is out to prove those people wrong, and that weight is just a number. She believes confidence is the sexiest trait a person can have, and she's living proof that it just might be true.

Image from YouTube video.

An emotional and strong Matt Diaz.


Matt Diaz worked extremely hard to lose 270 pounds over six years.

But his proudest moment came in March 2015 when he decided to film himself with his shirt off to prove an important point about body positivity and self-love.

Matt had lap-band surgery in 2009 at age 16.

Through the course of his weight-loss journey, Matt became passionate about promoting body positivity for people of all shapes and sizes.
before and after weight loss photos of young man

Here's Matt at 16 years old and 497 pounds versus recently after his surgery — at 22 years old and 220 pounds.

Images via Matt Diaz, used with permission.

To stay motivated, he started sharing his journey on social media, posting before-and-after photos, answering questions and giving support to followers, and even sharing his meals and favorite workouts. Six years later, Matt is down over 270 pounds and is a very active voice in the online body-positivity movement.

But in all his years of sharing his story, the one thing he's never done is showed what his body looks like after 200+ pounds of weight loss. So he uploaded the video above to show his followers his true self.

man shows excess skin post weight loss

Sharing what happens with extreme weight loss.

Images via Matt Diaz, used with permission.

man crying beside comment

Working through fear...

Images via Matt Diaz, used with permission.

man crying beside comment

Loving myself.

Images via Matt Diaz, used with permission.

man crying beside comment

Scary and important.

Images via Matt Diaz, used with permission.

Shortly after he posted the video online, originally to Tumblr, it quickly went viral and garnered thousands of shares and comments from people around the web. I was one of the thousands touched by the video, so I reached out to Matt to find out more about what motivated him and what he hopes others can take away from his story. Here's what he had to say:

Upworthy (UP): Why was it so important for you to post this video?

Matt Diaz (MD): "I'm a really big advocate for self-love and body positivity. I think it's important that we learn to love the bodies we're in, even if we don't necessarily like every little thing about them. However, in the time I'd been writing and talking about it, I'd never actually shown my excess skin to anyone. It felt dishonest somehow, to others and to myself. I couldn't tell others that I wanted them to love themselves and keep myself hidden away and ashamed of my skin."

"I know what it feels like to hate your body, and to be depressed about it, and I never want anyone to feel that way again. So, if making myself vulnerable can help one person, why not?"

UP: What's the response been like? Anything particularly unexpected?

MD:"I think that putting any opinion on the Internet will garner a certain amount of negativity and cynicism, but I haven't seen anything like that at all. I've read every comment and message since the video has gone up, literally thousands, and they're all so thoughtful.

A really surprising side-effect were the number of transgender people who've thanked me saying that they understood my struggle, even though their body-related insecurity grew from different roots. I'd never even begun to [think] of what that must be like, and the fact that my message could help even though my problems began somewhere else is really incredible.”

UP: What advice or words of encouragement do you have for someone who's struggling to love their body?

MD:"I know it's difficult, especially when you're starting out. I want you to remember that you are not the problem, certain aspects of society are the problem. You'll constantly be told that you're too heavy or too tall to be attractive, or you're not masculine or feminine enough, or that your skin isn't the right tone or your hair isn't the right color, and these people are always always always wrong.

Luckily, we're slowly starting to see these ideas get phased out by modernity. Plus-sized, un-retouched models are getting more attention in major brands, more attention is being put on the alternative scene for high fashion, it's becoming clear that these negative ideas are not going to last, though it's going to take a while."

"Understand that to love yourself is to contest the negative things that were put into your head. Every smile, tattoo, bathing suit, and crop top is a small revolution. Tell yourself you're beautiful every day, and I promise you will be."

Watch video below:

Matt's story is a personal one, but it's one we can all learn from.

I think the most important thing to take away here is that self-love takes time and is different for everyone no matter what they look like. It's also worth noting that for Matt, losing weight was an important part of his journey, but that might not be the case for everyone. Even so, our society has such incredibly high and unrealistic body standards that even many of those who do work to lose weight end up feeling uncomfortable or being shamed for not having "perfect bodies" once they've lost weight.

There's no such thing as a "perfect body" because everyone is different, which is what makes us beautiful and great! I'm glad there are people like Matt in the world who are not only willing to share their stories but also to inspire others by showing that body confidence comes in all shapes and sizes, and that everyone deserves to feel good about who they are. Here's hoping Matt's inspiring words can help others begin to love and accept themselves, no matter where they're at in their journey.


- YouTube


UPDATE: In May 2016, Diaz, who now goes by they/them pronouns, underwent skin removal surgery with top New York City Plastic Surgeon, Dr. Matthew Schulman. They had 43 pounds of excess skin removed and appeared on Schulman's show, The Doctors, for their big reveal. Keep up with Diaz and their life on Instagram where they've recently shared their wedding. Congratulations!


This story originally appeared ten years ago.

What you look like in a selfie camera isn't really what you look like in real life.

We've all done it: You snap a selfie, look at it, say, "OMG is my nose swollen?" then try again from a different angle. "Wait, now my forehead looks weird. And what's up with my chin?" You keep trying various angles and distances, trying to get a picture that looks like how you remember yourself looking. Whether you finally land on one or not, you walk away from the experience wondering which photo actually looks like the "real" you.

I do this, even as a 40-something-year-old who is quite comfortable with the face I see in the mirror. So, it makes me cringe imagining a tween or teen, who likely take a lot more selfies than I do, questioning their facial features based on those snapshots. When I'm wondering why my facial features look weird in selfies it's because I know my face well enough to know that's not what it looks like. However, when a young person whose face is changing rapidly sees their facial features distorted in a photo, they may come to all kinds of wrong conclusions about what they actually look like.

Not that it should matter, of course. But we're talking about people living in a society obsessed with personal appearance. It's going to matter to a lot of people, and if they get the wrong impression of their face, some people will go to all sorts of lengths to change it. That's why understanding a bit about how focal lengths on cameras can impact what we see in photographs is vital.

Writer Evey Winters shared some of that education in a post on Facebook. She writes about this topic through a trans and dysmorphia lens, but it applies to everyone.

Winters points out that if someone is thinking of doing surgery to change their bodies, they should seek sources outside of themselves and a cellphone camera.

"I have dysmorphia and recognize that in myself," she wrote, "but even if I didn’t, there’s not a selfie I’ve ever taken that would accurately help me make choices about my face. Mirrors are slightly better only for their minimal distortions."

"If you want the best chance at getting good feedback pre-op about what you might want to change," she added, "I’d recommend a skilled photographer take a series of photos of you at different focal lengths and even then none of these will be entirely accurate as none of these employ humans binocular vision and filtering."

Winters shared a collage of photos of the same girl's face at different focal lengths to show the significant difference it makes. "Notice how in different photos this child’s eyes may appear to be slightly hooded," she wrote. "The nose appears enlarged disproportionately. Hairline seems to shift with every snap. So does jaw shape, face shape, and even the width and size of the ears."

The difference between each of these photos is significant, but the difference between the first and the last is stunning. Cellphone selfie cameras usually have an even smaller focal length than the 40 mm shown here (Winters points out that the iPhone 13 Pro Max selfie camera has the equivalent of a 23 mm focal length), so they distort facial features even more. It also depends on how far away from the camera you are—the closer you are, the more distortion you'll see. Lighting matters, too, but even the best lighting can't cancel out what the focal length is doing.

Vox shared a video specifically about the "big nose" phenomenon with selfies, showing how drastic the distortion can be.

As a parent of two teens and a young adult, I find these photos to be fantastic tools for teaching my kids not to put too much stock in what they see in a selfie. Far too many people are increasingly seeking out plastic surgery to change a nose or a forehead or a jawline that doesn't even really exist. Imagine looking in a funhouse mirror and thinking you need to do something to change how you look. Selfie cameras are basically mini funhouse mirrors. Smartphones and apps are getting better at making filters that adjust for those distortions, but none of us should be relying on selfies of any kind to see what we really look like, much less taking major measures to alter our appearance based on what we see in them.

Even if you have some physical feature you simply can't accept and want to change, make sure you get a skilled photographer to give you the most accurate picture of what it actually looks like. As Winters concluded at the end of her post: "Make sure you’re not reshaping your body for a you that only exists in selfie cams."

Thank you for the reminder, Ms. Winters.


This article originally appeared three years ago.