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'Bridgerton' star Nicola Coughlan's pleas for fans to stop commenting on her body

Many celebrities have been taking a stand on receiving fan commentary about their weight. Nicola's hits a bit differently.

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Bridgerton actor Nicola Coughlan in 2021.

The internet, for all its many wondrous things, can also be a cesspool of body-shaming, both outright and insidious. We see this most persistently perhaps with celebrities, who take on the role of dissection subjects regarding their weight. Whether being deemed “too thin” or “too fat,” comments about a public figure’s weight seems acceptable to some, simply because they signed up to be in the spotlight. But our better judgment knows this is not the case.

Nicola Coughlan, who plays the plot pivotal role of Penelope Featherington on the hit Netflix show “Bridgerton,” is no stranger to being inundated with this type of harmful, completely unnecessary feedback from fans.

So much so, that she recently posted her own truly heartfelt plea to her Instagram, asking for people to stop commenting on her body. Though we've seen multiple celebrities justifiably speak out against this, it’s hard not to be moved by her words in a whole new way.

Coughlan began her post with both civility and directness. “Hello! So just a thing- if you have an opinion about my body please, please don’t share it with me.”

This was apparently after receiving messages every single day following her breakout role.

She continued:

“Most people are being nice and not trying to be offensive but I am just one real life human being and it’s really hard to take the weight of thousands of opinions on how you look being sent directly to you every day.”

Her approach reminds us of the very real people we are often damaging through projections of outdated beauty standards and downright unfounded opinions.

“Yellowjackets” star Melanie Lynskey had also recently been invaded by an influx of supposedly well-intentioned spectators since the hugely successful Showtime series premiered.


“Most egregious are the ‘I care about her health!!’ people,” Lynskey tweeted. “You don’t see me on my Peleton! You don’t see me running through the park with my child. Skinny does not always equal healthy.”

And of course, she’s not wrong. Despite our general assumptions, being thin is no real indication of a person’s health. And in some cases, it can reveal a risk for certain diseases. Even the formerly gold standard of measuring a healthy weight, the BMI, aka body mass index, is considered flawed today by experts.

Clearly, the only weight needing to be shed is our truly unhealthy relationship with outdated body expectations.

Coughlan knows that being a public figure often invites a public examination. “If you have an opinion about me that’s ok, I understand I’m on TV and that people will have things to think and say,” she wrote, with the caveat, “but I beg you not to send it to me directly.”

Certainly, Coughlan shouldn’t have to resort to begging. But here we are. And maybe this is how the message needs to be heard. When it’s so easy to leave thoughtless or downright toxic messages on social media, we need to be reminded how it affects the hearts of real people on the receiving end. Empathy online is just as important as it is IRL.

That’s what makes her plea a masterclass in grace. She speaks out without anger or accusation, though she could. Instead she comes from a place of compassion.

Coughlan ended her post by saying, “anyways here’s a pic of me in my hotel in NY about to go to SNL, it’s unrelated to this post but delighted with my hair in it.”


Even in a battle for boundaries, Coughlan’s never one to refrain from having a sense of humor (she did also star in the hilarious “Derry Girls”, after all). And, she wasn’t wrong about the hair.

Reading Coughlan’s post, I can’t help but wonder, if she was able to treat perfect strangers with so much respect and kindness, can we not return the favor?


This article originally appeared on 1.31.22

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Joy

Here are 19 'unconventionally attractive' types people love, proving everyone is beautiful

“What a wonderful, body-positive thread.”

via Stronganova/PixaBay

A couple hiding a kiss

As a culture, we are always talking about the fact that the “ideal” man or woman we see represented in advertising is so unattainable that it damages people’s mental health. But the reality is that when it comes to dating, 99% of us aren’t out there looking for someone the media thinks is ideal. We’re much more likely to search for the “type” we like best. And what's cool is that just about everyone is somebody’s type, whether they know it or not.

The funny thing is that some people have a very specific type, while others cast a much wider net.

A Redditor by the name of MyPasswordIsABC999 asked people on the forum to share a “type” they’re attracted to but “too embarrassed” to tell anyone. The question was a big hit, receiving over 17,000 responses, and most were proud of their type. In fact, the most popular comment on the thread was, “So many of these aren’t embarrassing."

People shared all the different types they’re into, whether it’s those who are larger, thinner, have big or small features, and are tall, short or medium height. They also shared their favorite personality types, whether geeky, assertive, nice or mean.

"You know what I just love about this whole entire thread? Basically, every person in the world is attractive to someone else…that’s just so damn wholesome," Runningprofmama wrote.

Another commenter was pleased by the refreshing tone of the thread. "What a wonderful body-positive thread. This is rare," WhaleSexOdyssey wrote.

The thread might have been responsible for some love connections, too, as some people pointed out they were the type the commenters appreciate.

Here are 19 of the best responses to the question: “What’s a ‘type’ you’re attracted to but too embarrassed to tell anyone?”

1. Mad scientists

"What about a German scientist that is a high achiever with publications, patents, 80% of a PhD, and their own lab? Oddly specific, I know." — DAngerscientist

2. Mean-looking women

"I like women that are kind of mean or at least look mean and stern." — Juicecalculator.

3. Stabby-adjacent

"Crazy enough that I think I might actually get stabbed, but not crazy enough to actually do it." — CryaxisOG

4. Girls with big noses

"Girls with big noses. I’m not quite sure why. Something about a prominent nose just adds a unique sexiness to a woman’s face." — Wokeupstilltiredwrote.

6. Any type

"I literally have no type and no girl ever believes me. Scrolling through this post proves it. I'm just like yep strong girls love 'em, thick girls love 'em, goth girls love 'em, tomboy girls love 'em, tall girls love 'em, short girls love 'em." — Hydroxs

7. Gray-haired men

"I’m 38, and I’m starting to be attracted to men with gray hair, or at least salt and pepper hair, which is completely age-appropriate, but it feels really weird." — Meansecurity

8. Larger girls

"I’ve always been attracted to larger girls. I was embarrassed about this when I was younger, but fortunately got over it." — shoesofwandering

9. Strong woman

"Assertive, not in a bossing around kind of way, more a she gets what she wants kind of way while still being a kind person." — HelferleinLarger girls

10. Shy girls

"Super shy girls. Dating one currently and I love her so much. I feel like people assume if you like shy quiet women that you just want someone subservient. But the truth is I just like taking care of her and I love the way she looks at me when I predict what she wants and is so happy because I pay attention to her so I know how to love her and serve her." — AbyssWankerArtorias

11. Larger men

"I only discovered this about myself with the guy I’m dating now. Was always into really skinny dudes and only dated skinny dudes and then I saw my guy one day, thought he was really cute, immediate crush.

He was wearing a mask for the first few months of knowing him (only knew him as a coworker), and then one day I see him walking around without his mask and oh my god he is gorgeous. I had to physically avert my eyes because I couldn’t stop looking at him. I’m pretty shy and unapproachable to people I don’t really know, so he stopped talking to me but I couldn’t stand it, overcame my shyness and went and confronted him about it one day (playfully), took his phone and put my details in it, and told him to talk to me. A month later we were dating. Anyway. I like thinking about it.

He’s soft and comfy and so strong so I feel really safe with him. I call him my pillow bf I’m seeing him later and I can’t wait." — PsychicNinja_

12. Geeky guys

"The awkward geeky guys with glasses, the ones who are confident in the things they love but just a bit awkward.
There's just something I love about winding them up, because sometimes they'll try and give as good as they can get. But once they don't know what to do they're usually smiling and having fun but have no idea what to say. That's the bit I like.
The minute I see I can get that reaction out of someone I'm hooked.

But it's also an issue, because usually they have low self-esteem so at some point it turns into a why are you dating someone like me." — AddictiveMischief

13. Big beefy men who are nerds

"Big boys. Human equivalents of bears. Tall and broad with thick arms and soft bellies, that could just pick me and throw me around. There is no too big. I loved climbing trees as a kid and now I'm rediscovering that hobby.

Men who watch anime and play video games and have any other nerdy hobby. I'm not joking. I was a weird anime kid growing up, it contributed to my bullying, I refused to give up on my interests." — ghostyface6

14. Girls with crooked teeth

"Absolutely. I never knew I liked this so much until I realized some other folks are into it, too. I find it very humanizing and interesting. Add in some sorta sleepy eyes (just a little bags under the eye) and I'm SOLD." — PolkaWillNeverDie00

15. Tall and slim guys

"I really like looking at this type aesthetically. They just make visually pleasing lines, especially if they're leaning against a wall with their hands in their pockets or sitting in a rocking chair." — CCVeediVee

16. Buff women and twinks

"I like women that are manly and men that girly. Call that the bisexual agenda." — heyhihaiheyahehe

17. Whatever Jack Black is

"Whatever the f*** Jack Black is, but I’m NOT embarrassed. He’s f***ing hot to me. Fat, bearded, talented, and passionate. My kind of man. WOOF!" — Lostswansong

18. Red-haired men

"Men with red hair! Although I’m not embarrassed! Although a bit embarrassed to have a 'type.' It seems kind of shallow. It just seems to be unusual to love a specific hair color!" — Hagrid'sSexyNipples

19. Ice queens

"Every woman I've ever been with is cold, detached and acts like an aloof cat." — Dammulf

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Fans had the best response after Emilia Clarke was mocked by gamer for sharing candid selfie

The comment sparked a bigger conversation about how we react to women aging.

Fandom.com, @MillerStream/Twitter

An innocent selfie became the subject of harsh criticism.

Emilia Clarke is best known for her portrayal of Daenerys Targaryen in HBO’s fantasy series “Game of Thrones.” Clarke was 24 years old when she took on the iconic role, and during the filming process, she survived two life-threatening brain aneurysms. The actress has since become an advocate for other survivors of brain trauma, not to mention a fabulous role model for relentless optimism.

It is now 12 years after “Game of Thrones” premiered. Understandably, Clarke does not look the same way she did when she was a younger woman (after a lengthy stint in the makeup chair and under well-curated lighting, no less). And yet, a candid selfie that was posted to her Instagram received multiple remarks lamenting that her face looked different than it did over a decade ago.

Fans were quick to rush to Clarke’s defense, and in the process it led to a more universal conversation about how society often views women as they grow older.

The post in question was a photo sharing a gift from Clarke’s mom—a mug which read “You’re doing f**king great.”

“Mum got me a mug. I felt it was important to share this new found wisdom. Use it and reap the rewards 🤌💪🏻🥳❤️” Clarke wrote in the post’s caption.

While many fans shared their appreciation for Clarke’s infectious positivity, a few were, shall we say…not so kind.

Gamer Jon Miller shared a screenshot of Clarke’s post to Twitter, writing, “Lmao wow Daenerys Targaryen didn’t just hit the wall she flew into it full speed on a dragon.” While Miller’s wasn’t the only rude comment, this one in particular went viral.

Many people felt this was further proof that, especially with the rising popularity of cosmetic procedures and extreme beauty filters on social media, we have collectively forgotten that aging is a completely natural process.

One person wrote in a Twitter comment: “The rise of surgical and procedural interventions has seriously warped people’s perception and acceptance of other people.....checks notes..... aging naturally.”

Another quipped: “hitting a wall apparently means your eyes wrinkle a little when u smile now.”

And another added: “This is a normal looking woman?? Do people not know anymore how people outside of edited social media posts look like?????????”

As many pointed out, Clarke is far from the only woman to be criticized for showing a wrinkle or two. “This trend of shaming women for aging (which is uncontrollable and happens to everyone) is really weird,” wrote one person.

Thankfully, plenty of people noted how bonkers this viewpoint is.

One fan wrote: “Emilia Clarke was beautiful when she was 22, she’s still an extremely beautiful woman here. She’s just aged…which hasn’t made her any less beautiful. I fail to see the problem with this picture.”

Another said: “Aging is a privilege and doing it so naturally and with such grace in a world of filters and plastic surgery is even more so.”

Clarke herself has previously shared her own thoughts on aging, telling Elle: "You've got this idea of aging, and then you've got the idea of what aging makes you look like. At 34, I am wiser, more intelligent, I've had more experiences, I've done all this stuff, and I'm proud of that. You can only do that because you are the age you are. Time is the only thing that allows you to do those things. So, if my face is gonna reflect the time that I've spent on this earth, I'm down for that.

While it seems like the Mother of Dragons is far from fazed by any criticisms of her appearance, many people are impacted (and harmed) by unfair beauty standards. That’s why it’s important to bring these types of conversations to light. For as much progress as there has been, clearly there is still some work to do if we want to collectively move past treating women as though their value comes with an expiration date, and instead, let them just live their lives.

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TikTok's scarily precise, too-real beauty filter has people rightfully freaked

Women should not feel 'devastated' by their real faces, yet here we are.

Annie Reneau/TikTok

The Bold Glamour filter on TikTok takes social media filters to a whole other level.

First, allow me to introduce myself—and my "Bold Glamour" alter-ego—via TikTok:

Freaky, right?

Normally, I'm good with the way my face looks. (One of the gifts of your late 40s is fully embracing your face in all its glory.) But I was surprised to find that the longer I used that filter, the more…well, homely my real face started to feel. There's just no way for my real face to compare to the model-like one in that video, because this filter isn't just a faux makeup job. It basically gave me plastic surgery, botox and a Photoshop airbrush to boot, and as overdone as it is, looking in the mirror after making that video really did trigger some insecurities about my real face that I didn't think I had.

If a beauty filter can make me start to feel "meh" about my looks, I can only imagine what it's doing to the psyches of young women who don't have decades of life experience and confidence-building behind them.

Visual artist Memo Akten shared a thread on Twitter illustrating how scary these unreal-yet-too-real filters are, with examples from women illustrating how they do a number on our brains.

“I don't wanna be known as the TikTok filter guy, but ICYMI after attacking GenX w teenage filter, TikTok just dropped a new filter to take out Millennials & GenZ," he wrote. "'Beauty filters' are not new, but the precision on this is beyond uncanny. This is psychological warfare & pure evil.”

Women are sharing how a hyper-real filter like this breeds and fuels insecurity, which is the last thing we need when we are already fighting body image and beauty standard battles on multiple fronts.

@meghan__lane__

Yall gotta take this filter down i dont know her SHES A WHOLE DIFFERENT PERSON

Video filters in general can be a lot of fun. My teens and I have a blast playing around with Snapchat filters that make everyone look like they're crying or turn people into cartoon characters and all kinds of silly things. But this is not that. This is leaning fully into Kardashian-esque beauty culture and creating an illusion that impossible beauty standards might actually be possible. Seeing is believing, after all.

Consciously, we know it's an illusion. It's just a filter. It's not real. But that doesn't change how our minds process seeing our filtered faces, nor does it change the very real impact they have on our self-image.

"I definitely see a new theme to body dysmorphic concerns," Dr. Josie Howard, a board-certified psychiatrist who specializes in psychodermatology told InStyle. "People begin to expect themselves to look like their filtered self and can become obsessed with achieving that in the real world, which leaves them depressed, anxious, lonely, and disappointed."

Experts have been sounding the alarm about the link between augmented reality filters and body image issues. As Harvard Business Review reports, "Physical appearance is a key component of identity and as such it can have a substantial impact on psychological well-being. Studies have shown that virtually modifying appearance can provoke anxiety, body dysmorphia, and sometimes even motivate people to seek cosmetic surgery."

But we don't even have to tap professional researchers to tell us all this. Just ask any portrait photographer about the changes they've seen in their clientele since the advent of social media filters. Here's one photographer describing how she sees beautiful women feeling "devasted" by how they look in photos because they want to look like what they see in their filtered social media posts.

@coffeetillvodka

This filter is INSANE! Its so real, and i can see how damaging this could be. #filters #women #aging #youth #beauty #reality #photography #womensempowerment #mentalhealth

Photo editing and filters have been around for a long time, but that doesn't mean they haven't gotten more ubiquitous and more damaging. A shift in lighting to get rid of unflattering shadows is a very different beast than a filter that changes your entire facial structure and texture to look like a magazine ad.

I would argue that this too-real video filter, which allows you to see yourself in real-time with a model-perfect face, is far more problematic than already-problematic-enough photo filters. Having your face altered that way and having your own movements and your own voice attached to it…it messes with you, even when you know it's not real. I experienced it myself in just a matter of minutes, and I consider myself fairly immune to such things.

For young women and girls who are just in the early stages of forming their self-image, it's an extremely dangerous social experiment. Parents, please talk to your kids about the psychological impact beauty filters like these can have, and maybe encourage them to stick to ones that turn faces into horseheads or make flowers fly out of their mouths instead. Those who profit off of women's insecurities aren't going to altruistically change, so it's up to all of us to make sure young people internalize that filters are phony and their faces are fine, just as they are.

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