upworthy

baby boomers

Modern Families

Woman calls out double standard of baby boomer parents who begged her to have kids

You can't have it both ways.

via Canva/Photos

A stressed mother and her baby boomer parents.

There is a strange phenomenon that occurred in the 1970s, 1980s, and 1990s, when Gen Xers and older millennials were raised: their baby boomer parents were not around very much. This generation of children was often taken care of by daycares or attended school with keys strung around their necks, and when they came home, they were told not to answer the door until a parent arrived. They were the children raised during both the divorce epidemic and the time when, for many families, both parents had to work.

However, the least parented generation in American history had great relationships with their grandparents, who loved to spend time with them and take on babysitting duties. But now that the kids raised in the ‘70s, ‘80s, and '90s have children, they’re noticing something interesting: the parents who weren’t around to raise them aren’t that into being grandparents either.

There is a lot of talk about the differences between baby boomers as grandparents and their parents from the Silent Generation. Some believe it’s because baby boomers have more money than their parents, who were raised at a time when grandparents played a more significant role in child-rearing. After all, they didn't expect to travel or have busy social lives.

baby boomers, parenting, grandparents, baby boomer grandparents, me generationA baby boomer couple.via Canva/Photos

This generation trend begs the question: Why do boomer parents beg their kids to have children, but shy away when it comes to spending time with them? An upset mother shared about the double standard on Reddit.

“My mother, a devout Christian, always preached the importance of getting married and having children. Now that I’ve done both (and happily so) and moved to be closer to her, she has very little interest in hanging out with us and never, ever offers to watch her grandkids,” she wrote. “I’ve been reading up on this, and it seems that it’s not uncommon. After moving across the country during COVID, I had dreams of my mom wanting to be an active part of our lives. The sad truth of it is, is that I see her maybe once more a year than when I lived across the country…and it’s not for lack of trying on my part.”

The post resonated with many mothers her age who had experienced the same problem. Their boomer parents begged them to have children, but they won’t lift a finger to see them.

“Yup, completely describes my boomer parents. They begged and begged for us to relocate back to my home city. Still, as we began searching for new job opportunities/places to live, we naturally discussed the possibility of them spending some alone time with the grandkids from time to time,” another mom wrote. “That was a full stop for them. Both my parents insisted they’d retired from child watching duties and would not ever be utilized as ‘babysitters.’ The only acceptable option for them was for us to be present the entirety of the time their grandkids were interacting with them.”

baby boomers, parenting, grandparents, baby boomer grandparents, me generation, grandma, gardeningA grandma in the garden. via Canva/Photos

“I think you hit the nail on the head. A lot of the boomers want to be 'seen' as 'good grandparents' while not doing a damn thing,” another mom added.

Another mom noted that their grandparents were amazing, but their parents are the exact opposite. “What’s crazy is I spent TONS of time with my grandparents as a child. I’d routinely be dropped off on the weekends and weeknights,” the mother wrote. “My grandparents picked me up from school regularly. It’s not like my grandparents were doing the same behavior, and therefore it’s a learned generational thing.”

baby boomers, parenting, grandparents, baby boomer grandparents, me generation, Baby boomers throwing up a peace sign. via Canva/Photos

One mother in the thread had some sympathy for baby boomers who felt a lot of pressure to have children, regardless of whether they wanted them or not. She believes that now they’re getting their time back. “It’s because even though Boomers had the physical choice to become parents, they didn’t have the cultural/social choice. Whenever I hear this story, I figure the grandparents didn’t really want children. It also explains why we were at our grandparents so often: anything they could do to not be around us, they took it up,” she wrote.

It’s wrong to paint an entire generation with the same brush, and there are, no doubt, plenty of wonderful baby boomer grandparents out there. However, it’s not surprising that a group of people once called the “Me Generation” is more reluctant to spend time with their families than those who came before them. One wonders if their feelings toward family will change when they become the ones who need to be cared for?

From Your Site Articles
baby boomers
Modern Families

Millennial mom gets real about 'absent boomers' who won't make time for their grandkids

They always seem to have time for vacations. Grandkids? Not so much.

via Canva/Photos

A stressed millennial mom and her parents.

The baby boomer generation is often called the "Me Generation" because after the social upheaval of the ‘60s, they began to focus on themselves, prioritizing wealth accumulation, personal growth, self-help programs, and fitness. Now that baby boomers are grandparents, some millennials aren’t too happy that the Me Generation has taken that ethos into their golden years.

Although it’s important not to paint every generation member with the same brush, many older millennial parents feel that their baby boomer parents, known for being the least involved in recent history, are acting the same way as grandparents. Mother Phyllis, a popular TikToker with much to say about boomer grandparents, recently shared a video about how her parents live 40 minutes away and put very little effort into being grandparents, but brag about how much they love their grandchildren on social media.

The crux of Phyllis’ point is that older millennials had grandparents involved in their lives, but their parents don’t have the same dedication.

@motherphyllis

Can anyone else relate?????? I should’ve said absent grandmother’s not grandparents but y’all know what I mean 🤣 #fyp #fypシ #fypage #viral #fyp #viral #millennial #boomer #momlife #mom #sahm #funny @laneige_us

“My mom comes over for her yearly visit and snaps a picture of the kids. Or sometimes she doesn't even do that. She'll just take a picture off my Facebook page, post it to her Facebook page, and say, 'I love hanging out with my grandkids so much,'" Phillis says in a video with over 200,000 views. “They're so amazing. And then her friends comment and say, ‘Being a grandparent is so amazing, it's just so great.’” Phyillis adds that when she had a child, her boomer parents didn’t show much interest in helping after her birth, saying that helping out was her husband's job.

millennials, baby boomers, baby boomer grandparents, absentee grandparents, generational complaints, active grandparentsA boomer grandma ready to post on Facebook.via Canva/Photos

The post resonated with many people in the comments who are having the same struggles with their boomer parents. "Their parents raised us. They didn’t even want to be parents, so they’re sure as hell not gonna be grandparents," Kim wrote. "I mean, you think having boomer grandparents are bad, try having them raise you. Generation X basically raised ourselves because they’re busy," Queen added.

A big reason why parents like Phyliis feel betrayed by their parents for refusing to be involved in their children’s lives is that they probably had grandparents who were involved in theirs. Many older millennials and Gen Xers had grandparents involved in their upbringing, providing daycare, babysitting, and making social visits, because their grandmothers were raised to be homemakers and didn’t have jobs. So their lifestyle was more geared to taking care of children. Boomer women were much more likely to have had careers and still work to this day.

@motherphyllis

Millennials just can’t understand the way some boomers act If I’m being honest ##fyp##foryoupage##fypシ##fypage##mom##sahm##momlife##honest##truth##relatable##millennial##boomer##generation##millennialstothemoon##phyllis

“Here’s the thing, though: it’s statistically more likely that your own grandmothers were homemakers, at least from the time they had children,” DeeDee Moore, a grandparenting influencer, writes for Scary Mommy. “They were home to watch you after school, or host you and your cousins for weeks during the summer. Starting with the baby boomer generation, women were more likely to be in the workforce, making babysitting grandkids and cousin camp harder to pull off.”

While parents like Phyllis have a good reason to be upset that their parents aren’t involved in their children’s lives, everyone’s situation is different, so we can’t bash all boomers for being uninvolved in their grandchildren’s lives. However, their accusation does follow a significant generational trend: Gen Xers and older Millennials, known by some as Generation Goonie, were raised in a world with very little parental involvement. So, it's unsurprising that their children have grandparents who may not be around much.

From Your Site Articles
baby boomers
Culture

Gen Xers are admitting the 17 things that baby boomers got right

Got to give credit where credit is due.

via Shvets Production/Pexels

A baby boomer lifting weights.

It’s a tale as old as humanity itself; as the older generations age, the younger ones will criticize them for the world they left them. These days, baby boomers (1946 to 1964) are taking the most heat from the generations who came after, Gen X (1965 to 1980), millennials (1981 to 1996), and Gen Z (1997 to 2012). A big reason boomers take a lot of heat is that some believe they changed their values from the hippie days of the late ‘60s and early ‘70s to become the self-absorbed “Me” generation.

Baby boomers are also often criticized for hoarding wealth while younger generations struggled and for being in power during years of environmental neglect. Boomers are also known for having a “bootstraps” mentality where they more likely to tell young people to “suck it up” instead of seeing systemic inequalities that make it harder for young people to achieve the same success as those who came before.


However, the boomers didn’t do everything wrong. Younger people should give them credit for how they advanced society, especially in the world of women’s rights. They should also acknowledge their incredible contributions to music, whether it’s the rock revolution of the late ‘60s. Pop artists such as Prince and Michael Jackson and great filmmakers who rose to prominence in the '70s, such as Steven Spielberg and David Lynch.

To give credit where credit is due, a Redditor posted on the Gen X page asking fellow members of his generation to admit the things boomers were right about. “It’s become fashionable to blame Boomers for all ills in the world and to demonize them. As Gen-X, Gen Z will even give us the ‘Okay, Boomer’ tripe,” they wrote. “But from a Gen X perspective, what do you see as them being right about?”

Here are 17 things that Gen Xers say boomers were right about.

1. Boomer women changed the workplace

"Boomer women paved a huge path for younger generations in the workplace. It wasn’t until the early 70’s that women could get credit cards or even bank accounts without their husband’s permission. It’s actually really sad that we have forgotten how hard it was for previous generations of women."

"Tag onto this, mortgage and housing laws! No woman could get a mortgage without her father, brother, or husband co-signing no matter HOW MUCH money she made. Same for redlining and fair lending laws."

2. Music

"Those boomers came up with some pretty f***ing fantastic music."


3. Casual clothing

"I appreciate that they introduced comfortable, casual clothing as an everyday thing. Earlier generations had mostly very structured clothing, but the young boomers burned their bras."

"It’s crazy to look at old photos and see even impoverished people (by western standards) wearing thick scratchy wool suits whenever they’re out in public. I’m so grateful for my Adidas athleisure clothes!"

"My uncle mentioned that one year in the late '60s everyone just stopped wearing a tie to their college classes."

4. Modern technology

"The boomers brought us the computers, software and cellular phones we’re all using to bitch about them. Pretty rich."


5. They were good teachers

"Controversial take...teaching. My boomer teachers in high school were fantastic. Public schooling was totally different back then (1970s thru 80s), but they "liberalized" public education from the Eisenhower era. I'm glad I had hippie teachers."

"I think with this it’s important to remember that that there were fewer jobs that women were able to enter with ease, even back in the 80’s, so we had the cream of the crop in terms of teachers then, IMO."

6. They ended rampant sexual harassment

"As I mentioned in a previous discussion, it would largely have been Boomers (more the later Generation Jones side rather than the earlier ones) who pushed to reduce sexual harassment in the workplace. This occurred mostly through law, but also through social norms."

7. They were more collective

"Overall, they are still a more of a collective culture. More sense of community, whether church, neighborhood association, meetup groups, etc. I feel like we've swung too far in the other direction. Every following generation seems more lonely- people are more aloof and not loyal to any particular group. People don't know their neighbors."

"There was this understanding that you talked to your neighbors, even if you didn't really like them. And sometimes you might change your mind. Toleration, even with people you're not fond of."

8. The hippies

"I will always love the peace, not war, flower child. Let’s all take psychedelics and love each other thing. Too bad it didn’t last. It might have been a disaster, but considering where we are now?"


9. They raised (some of) Gen X

"Us."

"Yes, but in a twisted way: they got us right by neglecting us to the point of ferality, and that’s why we are who we are now. Wouldn’t trade it but can’t necessarily give them props for it."

"But which generation is more likely to survive an apocalypse? And the world seems to be headed that way, so our feral upbringing might come in handy."

"My mom told me to go outside and play. All the bike riding, running around and swimming has made us healthier than the younger generations."

10. They're more sociable

"Being able to have nice conversations at the workplace. Now I work with GenZ and Millennials and nobody can carry a conversation."

"I have noticed that too. Not all of them, but a lot. It's so sad, and a little dangerous when you aren't paying attention to what is going on around you."


11. Hard workers

"Boomers had tremendous work ethic, and lay the foundation of many institutions we still rely on today. These may need to evolve and be upgraded over time, but it shouldn't take away their achievement what they were able to advance. Many boomers worked through absolutely shitty labor conditions with half the protections we have today, and did it to feed their families."

"They understood you needed to work/work hard to get the things you wanted in life, earning your place in the workplace...instead of showing up on day 1 being entitled to be at the top of the salary scale."

12. They shook things up

"In all honesty, and I think it depends on how you're brought up whether you see this as a positive or negative, but they were instrumental in the cosmic level change in American culture. Whether we are talking about something simple like "acceptable hairatyles" and clothing to more heavy topics like attitudes towards sex and sexuality and equal rights. The reality is that they shook up the standards of the time. And for the most part, I think it has had positive impacts. When we look at what people complain about now through the lens of the '40s and '50s, one can't deny that many of those topics would never see the light of day and could lead to dangerous outcomes for those bringing them up. And I'm not talking about the heavy hitters (for that time) like gay marriage (or gay anything, really) or interracial relationships, but the trivial stuff like women wearing pants, saying words like 'pe is' and 'vagina' out loud, or wearing dark socks with tennis shoes and/or shorts on."


13. Lowered the voting age

"They lowered the voting age to 18. They were being sent to war, and they weren’t old enough to vote for the f***ers who were sending them."

14. Expanded America's palate

"I feel boomers are where food started to get more diverse in the USA. I collect old cookbooks and it's interesting to see the changes in menus."


15. They used their numbers to their advantage

"Baby boomers used their vast numbers in the US to influence policy. While the decision makers were older, BB’s in their twenties were out there taking collective action to bring attention to important social and environmental causes. They taught us not to feel helpless and to act on your principles. (At least some of them did. A bunch of them were yuppies too! Because in the end, there is variety in people and in their values.)"

"Civil rights greatly advanced. Things aren’t perfect yet but the amount of progress the Boomers brought to the status quo at the time should not be forgotten."

16. Ended the draft

"They successfully ended the draft. However, I'd say Nixon and the gang figured out that actually works better for the War Machine. See, an all-volunteer Army has recruitment issues all the time, but before when Johnny was drafted and killed in a 'senseless war,' the whole neighborhood got very upset and vocal. Today, when Johnny (Gen X) volunteers, it's just a job. When Johnny gets killed by an IED in Iraq, it's a shame and everyone's sad, but the neighborhood can brush off the grief and say, 'Well, he did volunteer...'"

17. They had good sound systems

"The commitment some boomers had to home stereo systems and record collections. I learned just how good music could sound from boomer relatives who spent a small fortune on speakers, components, LPs, reel to reel, etc. It inspired me and I’ve always taken home stereo seriously, buying the best that I could afford while saving money by not buying things like digital surround sound systems and nice TVs. I’d rather spend the money on records and better speakers!"

From Your Site Articles
baby boomers
Modern Families

Millenials share their boomer parents’ 15 quirky (and frustrating) habits they just don't get

"They act jealous of us traveling but refuse to go anywhere."

via Canva/Photos

Boomer parents who don't like to travel, but say they do.

When it comes to intergenerational conflict, you never hear too much about Gen Z having a hard time with Generation X or the silent generation having beef with the baby boomers. However, there seems to be some problem where baby boomers and millennials just can’t get on the same page.

Maybe it’s because millennials were raised during the technological revolution and have to help their boomer parents log into Netflix. There’s also a political divide: Millennials are a reliable liberal voting bloc, whereas boomers are the target demographic for Fox News. Both generations also have differing views on parenting, with boomers favoring an authoritative style over the millennials' gentler approach.

A Redditor asked Xennials, older millennials, and younger Gen Xers born between 1977 and 1983 to share some quirks of their boomer parents, and they created a fun list of habits that can be both endearing and frustrating. The users shared that millennials are frustrated with their parents' abilities to use technology but are touched when they send them a greeting card.



Of course, it is reductive to reduce generations into a series of stereotypes, whether it’s millennials or baby boomers. But, for many, hearing that they aren’t the only person who gets frustrated with their boomer parents can be pretty cathartic and make them feel less alone.

Here are 15 boomer parent quirks that Millenials just don’t understand.

1. They save everything

"They save EVERYTHING (containers, jars, boxes, etc.) just in case they might be able to use it for something later. I feel like this habit was handed down from our grandparents' Great Depression upbringing."

"Absolutely! Shopping bags, empty yogurt containers, boxes that some product came in…..although I love me a 'good box!' I have all my iPhone boxes for no reason."


person using laptop attach to vehicle near green leaf plant during daytime Photo by Brina Blum on Unsplash

2. Scary texts

"Will text something foreboding like 'we need to talk;' then turns out she forgot a recipe."

"My dad will text me 'You need to call me right now' when it’s nothing. And not tell me major life events until well after the fact. Like my aunt had a heart attack and I found out a week later from her son. (And my dad did know.)"



3. Stranger death toll

"My mom is ALWAYS telling me about dead people I’ve never met. I really do not care. I know that sounds awful, but I don’t have it in me to be sad for everyone on the planet when they pass."

“You remember my friend Carol? Her aunt had that above-ground swimming pool in her backyard. We swam in it a couple times one summer when you were about 9. Anyway, Carol’s mom just lost her brother-in-law. They were very close. Thought you’d want to know.”

4. They don't travel

"They act jealous of us traveling but refuse to go anywhere."

"Ooh good one. Mine act jealous of anything we do/buy that they can't solely because they can't get out of their own way and actually make things happen."


man and woman sitting on blue sofa Photo by Gift Habeshaw on Unsplash

5. They print everything

"My Boomer FIL prints out EVERYTHING from his computer. I understand printing out instructions or recipes to help remember but do you really need a file cabinet full of forwarded emails from friends and sale adverts from 5 years ago? Oh well, at least he keeps it organized. Also, both TVs in the house run 24/7 playing reruns of 'CSI: Who Gives a Sh*t Anymore?'"

"I'm not on Facebook, but my dad is. Last year, he made a celebratory post on my birthday and all his church friends liked and commented on it. He printed up the post and all of the comments, stapled it into a little book, and MAILED me the printed Facebook comments..."



6. 'From, dad' texts

"My dad sends text messages with, 'From, Dad' at the end of them. It cracks me up every time. He also states who he is every time he calls me."

7. Irrational fears

"One quirk my dad had was that he was deathly afraid of the house burning down. Not from the standpoint of the danger of fire but when he was growing up, if your house burnt down, you were basically homeless and destitute. My mom is much more level headed about it. She always told my dad, that is why we have homeowners insurance."


A man in a hard hat inspects an electrical boxman in brown and white plaid dress shirt and yellow hard hat holding black and orange Photo by Emmanuel Ikwuegbu on Unsplash

8. Expired food

"My mother-in-law doesn't throw out expired food. She has food in her pantry that is several years past their expiration dates. Same with condiments in her fridge. You just can't trust any of the food she has on hand because more than likely than not it's way expired. When we have brought this up, that she needs to throw some stuff out, she insists it's absolutely fine. It's not. "

"My grandmother is the same way. Once, she opened her refrigerator, and there was a jar of pickles with mold floating on the surface of the liquid. I pointed it out, and she said it was still good. She would just scoop the mold out at a later time. She has an incredibly strong stomach and immune system."



9. Smartphone addiction

"You always hear a kids 'these kids always on their damn phones.' But when it comes to phone addiction, boomers are far worse."

"My mom drives five hours to see us, then spends the whole time texting people from her church or looking at Facebook."

"I once sat in their living room for over an hour before they decided to put their phones down and speak to me, only to phub me and pick them right back up."

10. Rigid gender roles

"My dad still clings to the traditional division of 'men's/women's work.' He'll fix a car, do any outside work, clean out a clogged drain. Cooking? If it's any more complicated than making coffee or calling in a pizza, he can't/won't. I don't think he even grills anymore. Laundry? Hell no. Taking care of small children? He'll play with them but that's it."


A man stands over an open hood of a green carman in blue top fixing green car during daytime Photo by Elvis Bekmanis on Unsplash

11. The TV is constantly on

"In-laws leave the TV on for all waking hours. And FIL gets irritated if someone talks over the episode of MASH or Walker, Texas Ranger, that he's already seen 50 times. Like clenching his teeth and stomping the floor."

"TV on 24/7. Constantly flipping between some version of Law and Order, HGTV, and Guy Fieri. Asking me 'did you see that commercial where…' No mom. I don’t have cable. I don’t see commercials. All of the time."



12. They are always right

"My dad...he's has to be right about everything and doesn't know what to do if you beat him to the point on something. He once was giving me a recipe that required cinnamon, cardamon, and clove and told me just to use Pumpkin Pie Spice! It's the greatest thing! 'Dad, I don't need to. I have all those spices on hand (I bake)' But...no! You have to use this. 'No, I don't. I don't need to buy something that I already have" It happens all the time."

"My parents are always right and they are not impressed about anything."

13. Obsessed with the weather

"Yes, my dad should have been a meteorologist. He used to have a weather alert radio that would sound off in the middle of the night and he would watch the weather channel constantly. We all had to quiet down when your local weather forecast on the 8's came on. He gets really excited about severe weather like when we might get thunderstorms or a tornado."


Three people with umbrellas walk in the rainselective color photography of three person holding umbrellas under the rain Photo by Ryoji Iwata on Unsplash

14. One more thing

"Without fail, every time I'm leaving my mother's house and backing down the driveway, she comes back out of her house and stops me to say something else, even though we'd just spoken."

15. Mail stress

"My mom has an anxiety attack during the entire journey of a package or piece of mail she dispatched to me. No, she doesn’t know how to track. She will not rest until she knows that a package has arrived or a nominal check has been cashed. She calls when she is thinking about sending something, when she sent it, when it’s en route, and when it’s expected to arrive. God forbid it’s late. And if I don’t issue a prompt thank you, she will guilt me."

This story originally appeared in January.
From Your Site Articles
baby boomers
Trending Stories