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Golden Years

'Boomer panic' is a real phenomenon, and there's a heartbreaking reason for it

This isn't just young generations bashing the old.

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Boomer panic is real.

In a video posted in September 2023, TikToker @myexistentialdread used the phrase “boomer panic” to explain how baby boomers (1946 to 1964) can quickly become unhinged when faced with the most minor problems. It all started when she visited a Lowe’s hardware store and encountered a boomer-aged woman working at the check-out stand.

“I had a dowel that didn’t have a price tag on it, whatever, so I ran back and took a photo of the price tag. And as I was walking back towards her, I was holding up my phone… because I had multiple dowels and that was the one that didn’t have the price tag on it,” she said in the video. “And she looks at me and she goes, ‘I don’t know which one that is,’ and she starts like, panicking.” The TikToker said that the woman was “screechy, panicking for no reason.”

 older woman upset, boomer reactions, boomer panic Older people can become frustrated over seemingly small things.Photo credit: Canva

Many people raised by boomers understood what she meant by "boomer panic." "Boomer panic is such a good phrase for this! Minor inconvenience straight to panic," the most popular commenter wrote. And while there was some unfortunate boomer-bashing in the comments, some younger people tried to explain why the older folks have such a hard time regulating their emotions: “From conversations with my mother, they weren’t allowed to make mistakes and were harshly punished if they did.” The TikToker responded, “A lot of people mentioned this, and it breaks my heart. I think you’re right,” Myexistentialdread responded.

A follow-up video by YourTango Editor Brian Sundholm tried to explain boomer panic in an empathetic way.

 

“Well, it's likely that there actually was a reason the woman started panicking about a seemingly meaningless problem,” Sundholm said. “Most of us nowadays know the importance of recognizing and feeling our emotions.” Sundholm then quoted therapist Mitzi Bachman, who says that when people bottle up their emotions and refuse to express them, it can result in an "unhinged" reaction.

TikToker Gabi Day shared a similar phenomenon she noticed with her boomer mom; she called the behavior “anxiety-at-you.”

Day’s boomer mother was “reactive,” “nervous,” and “anxious” throughout her childhood. Now, she is still on edge with Day’s children. “She's immediately like gasping and just really like exaggerated physical reactions, and then, of course, that kind of startles my kid,” Day said. “Again, I know that this comes from a place of care. It's just a lot,” she continued.

@itsgabiday

It comes from a place of love but it is exhausting 🫠😬 #millennialmomsoftiktok #boomergrandma #reparenting #gentleparenting

 

There is a significant difference in emotional intelligence and regulation between how boomers were raised and how younger generations, such as Gen X, millennials, and Gen Z, were brought up. Boomers grew up when they had to bottle up their feelings to show their resilience. This can lead to growing anger, frustration with situations and people, chronic stress, and anxiety—all conditions that can lead to panicky, unhinged behavior.

Ultimately, Sundholm says that we should sympathize with boomers who have difficulty regulating their emotions and see it as an example of the great strides subsequent generations have made in managing their mental health. “It may seem a little harsh to call something 'boomer panic,' but in the context of how many of them were raised, it makes a lot of sense,” Sundholm says. “It also underlines the importance of emotional regulation skills and teaching them to future generations. And maybe most important, having compassion for those who never had a chance to learn them.”

 older person's hands holding a younger person's hands, compassion for elderly Having compassion for older generations can go a long way.Photo credit: Canva

This article originally appeared in March.

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Modern Families

Millennial mom gets real about 'absent boomers' who won't make time for their grandkids

They always seem to have time for vacations. Grandkids? Not so much.

via Canva/Photos

A stressed millennial mom and her parents.

The baby boomer generation is often called the "Me Generation" because after the social upheaval of the ‘60s, they began to focus on themselves, prioritizing wealth accumulation, personal growth, self-help programs, and fitness. Now that baby boomers are grandparents, some millennials aren’t too happy that the Me Generation has taken that ethos into their golden years.

Although it’s important not to paint every generation member with the same brush, many older millennial parents feel that their baby boomer parents, known for being the least involved in recent history, are acting the same way as grandparents. Mother Phyllis, a popular TikToker with much to say about boomer grandparents, recently shared a video about how her parents live 40 minutes away and put very little effort into being grandparents, but brag about how much they love their grandchildren on social media.

The crux of Phyllis’ point is that older millennials had grandparents involved in their lives, but their parents don’t have the same dedication.

@motherphyllis

Can anyone else relate?????? I should’ve said absent grandmother’s not grandparents but y’all know what I mean 🤣 #fyp #fypシ #fypage #viral #fyp #viral #millennial #boomer #momlife #mom #sahm #funny @laneige_us

“My mom comes over for her yearly visit and snaps a picture of the kids. Or sometimes she doesn't even do that. She'll just take a picture off my Facebook page, post it to her Facebook page, and say, 'I love hanging out with my grandkids so much,'" Phillis says in a video with over 200,000 views. “They're so amazing. And then her friends comment and say, ‘Being a grandparent is so amazing, it's just so great.’” Phyillis adds that when she had a child, her boomer parents didn’t show much interest in helping after her birth, saying that helping out was her husband's job.

 millennials, baby boomers, baby boomer grandparents, absentee grandparents, generational complaints, active grandparents A boomer grandma ready to post on Facebook.via Canva/Photos

The post resonated with many people in the comments who are having the same struggles with their boomer parents. "Their parents raised us. They didn’t even want to be parents, so they’re sure as hell not gonna be grandparents," Kim wrote. "I mean, you think having boomer grandparents are bad, try having them raise you. Generation X basically raised ourselves because they’re busy," Queen added.

A big reason why parents like Phyliis feel betrayed by their parents for refusing to be involved in their children’s lives is that they probably had grandparents who were involved in theirs. Many older millennials and Gen Xers had grandparents involved in their upbringing, providing daycare, babysitting, and making social visits, because their grandmothers were raised to be homemakers and didn’t have jobs. So their lifestyle was more geared to taking care of children. Boomer women were much more likely to have had careers and still work to this day.

@motherphyllis

Millennials just can’t understand the way some boomers act If I’m being honest ##fyp##foryoupage##fypシ##fypage##mom##sahm##momlife##honest##truth##relatable##millennial##boomer##generation##millennialstothemoon##phyllis

“Here’s the thing, though: it’s statistically more likely that your own grandmothers were homemakers, at least from the time they had children,” DeeDee Moore, a grandparenting influencer, writes for Scary Mommy. “They were home to watch you after school, or host you and your cousins for weeks during the summer. Starting with the baby boomer generation, women were more likely to be in the workforce, making babysitting grandkids and cousin camp harder to pull off.”

While parents like Phyllis have a good reason to be upset that their parents aren’t involved in their children’s lives, everyone’s situation is different, so we can’t bash all boomers for being uninvolved in their grandchildren’s lives. However, their accusation does follow a significant generational trend: Gen Xers and older Millennials, known by some as Generation Goonie, were raised in a world with very little parental involvement. So, it's unsurprising that their children have grandparents who may not be around much.

This article originally appeared in April

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Humor

Comedian Jason Salmon explains the one joke Boomers and Millennials can laugh at together

"I think the key to understanding a generation is you've gotta understand the world they grew up in."

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A boomer, comedian Jason Salmon, and a millennial.

It's no secret that comedian Jason Salmon is an expert on generational differences. His stand-up is riddled with insightful jokes that perfectly encapsulate how many of us are, in part, a product of the times we grew up in.

He's a proud (fellow) Gen X-er and feels lucky to have been born to that generation. In his stand-up special Biscuits and Gravy, he discusses the many ways that Gen X is super special.

"It's easy to spot that we're a lucky generation, because we're sandwiched between the two most dynamically angry generations currently alive. Boomers and millennials hate each other. I hear it all the time! 'You're an idiot.' 'No, you're an idiot!' I'm like, 'Hey, you're both right.'"

 

But the truth is, he gives a graceful pass to all generations. "I think the key to understanding a generation is you've gotta understand the world they grew up in."

He admits that timing is everything. "Gen X was in that sweet spot in American history. After the Boomers had taught us to 'just say no' but before millennials taught us that 'no MEANT no.' But we were having a good time, we were!"

Upworthy spoke to Salmon who talks about how Gen X can help bridge generation gaps. "I think Gen X is uniquely positioned to help bridge divides, because we have one foot in the old school world of institutions and collective consciousness and one foot in the new age of social media and individualism."

  - YouTube  www.youtube.com  

In his comedy special, he also jokes that it's his calling to help generations understand each other. For example, "Boomers experienced Spider-Man only as a comic book and millennials think that his superpower is that every time he takes off his mask he's a different actor. That's too big of a chasm, so I feel like it's my job to translate between the generations."

He also gives a profoundly existential reason for that "chasm" between the two generations, using how they grew up getting directions as another example. "Millennials grew up with GPS. Every time they went on a journey, sitting next to them was this robot navigation butler, just whispering precise step-by-step instructions in the soothing voice of their choosing. And then when they look at the map, it's telling them they're the center of the universe. No matter how far they go or which direction they're headed, they're just this bright blue orb of hope that the entire world just arranges itself around. That's gotta mess with your sense of self."

Boomers, he claims, had quite the opposite experience. "Of course it's gonna irritate boomers because every time they went on a trip, the thing giving them directions was a disappointed spouse or parent. And NOT in the voice of their choosing, but in the voice they hated the most in the whole world."

 maps, baby boomers, confusion, generations, gif Confused person looks at a map.   Giphy GIF by Lidl Voyages 

He points out how many of them were anything but universe-centered. When Boomers went on trips, "they had to start preparing the night before by unfolding a map sometimes the size of their house. And the first thing they had to do was figure out where they were on the map. Think about that! If every time you went on a trip, your first step was to find yourself? Do you realize the level of existential stability that requires?"

When we asked Salmon what his favorite part of being a Gen X-er is, he answered unequivocally: "We were the only generation not tied to a phone. Boomers had to stay home or miss a call. Younger generations depend on their phones for everything." But Gen X "had answering machines—like a babysitter for our phone. We'd go out for the night and leave our phone at home. When we came home, we'd know if something happened because a red light would be flashing on the answering machine. Then we'd press the button and get the lowdown on what happened while we were out."

At the end of the day, he believes that people are responding so positively to generational humor, because "most people are dealing with similar things in different incarnations." He adds, "For me, Gen X comedy helps to parallel those generational similarities because the two most dynamically different generations—and the biggest—are millennials and baby boomers. One just dipped a toe in the analog world and the other did the same in the digital world."

 Gen X, Mario Brothers, 1980s, 1990s, generations Mario and Luigi stand with their arms crossed.  Giphy, GIF by Bombay Softwares 

A commenter under his YouTube clip backs this up. "Gen X was the first generation to become familiar with the VERY rapid development of technology, and grew up knowing they had to keep up… We can set up a VPN, beat Super Mario Brothers in one life, fix a roof and toilet, and were there when Tool and Rage Against the Machine were brand new (not just being 'rediscovered'). Fear us—we're bulletproof."

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Family

Millennial mom calls out absent baby boomer grandparents for their misleading Facebook posts

They love their grandkids on social media, but...

via Canva/Photos

An older couple proudly staring at a laptop.

In many ways, millennials have had the short end of the stick when it comes to generational luck. They grew up during the Great Recession, and by the time they were old enough to make it on their own, they had to deal with an incredible increase in the cost of living. For many millennials, the American dream seems to be fading away. It’s no wonder so many say they are exhausted.

Life can be even harder for millennial parents who need all the support they can get trying to raise a family at such a difficult time. The unfortunate reality for many is that their baby boomer parents, or their kids’ grandma and grandpa, aren't around to help. A big reason why baby boomers aren’t around for the grandkids is that they have more money than previous generations and spend a lot of time on vacation or pursuing their hobbies. For many, it's no shock that the cohort dubbed the "Me Generation" in the '70s has taken that ethos into their golden years.

 baby boomers, boomer grandparents, grandparents facebook, boomers laptops An older woman looking at a laptop.via Canva/Photos

Boomer grandparents on Facebook

Even though many boomer grandparents aren’t there for their children and grandchildren, many like to pretend they are by sharing photos of their grandkids at events they didn’t even attend on Facebook. Popular millennial TikToker @MotherPhyillis, who has a lot to say about absent boomer grandparents, took a shot at her parents in a video in which she mocked their misleading Facebook posts.

@motherphyllis

That’s why I don’t post anymore When the absent grandparent reposts the pictures acting like they know what’s going on #foryoupage #momlife #mom #relatable #fypシ #millennial #fypage #generations #funny

In the video, Phyllis pretends she's on the phone with her mother, describing the photos she took of her kids, only to realize she has already posted them on Facebook. The video touched a nerve with many millennial mothers who have had the same experience. “I stopped posting altogether. For that reason,” one wrote. “My mom tags herself like she was there,” another added. “I blocked my mother-in-law because she would do the same thing and I can’t stand when she would act like she was seeing my son all the time when it’s only on his birthday and some holidays,” wrote another.

“I stopped posting. My mother posts things on her FB about how she misses her grandkids but she doesn’t even call them on their birthdays,” another frustrated mom wrote. “My monster in law doesn’t get to see anything I post because I have the privacy settings on. She thinks I never post pictures,” one more added.

 young mom, stressed mom, baby, mom and baby, baby in bed, tired mom A young mom who's exhausted.via Canva/Photos


Why are millennial parents so exhausted?

The topic of absentee boomer grandparents must be on many millennials' minds because one of Phyllis' videos, where she explains why her generation is “exhausted,” received over nine million views.


@motherphyllis

These new age grandparents got it made. I love my kids to death, but a night out with my husband with out finding a babysitter would be nice 😊 #fyp #fypシ#mom #momlife #sahm #truth #viral #love @laneige_us

“If our parents were exhausted or just needed a weekend off, weekend away, call grandma. We go stay the night at our grandparents for the weekend, and we had a blast. It was so fun. They wanted to spend time with us. That's the difference. They wanted to,” Phyllis said. “These new age grandparents, where they at? And don't even get me started on, ‘Oh, times have changed. Things are expensive.’ You can still hang out with your current grandkids.”

Obviously, it’s wrong to paint all boomer grandparents with the same brush. However, the ones who aren't there for their grandkids are a popular topic on social media. Talking about their absence may not make any grandparents wake up and help out, but at least it can help the millennials who have to raise their kids all by themselves feel less alone.

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