upworthy

baby boomers

Modern Families

Woman calls out double standard of baby boomer parents who begged her to have kids

You can't have it both ways.

via Canva/Photos

A stressed mother and her baby boomer parents.

There is a strange phenomenon that occurred in the 1970s, 1980s, and 1990s, when Gen Xers and older millennials were raised: their baby boomer parents were not around very much. This generation of children was often taken care of by daycares or attended school with keys strung around their necks, and when they came home, they were told not to answer the door until a parent arrived. They were the children raised during both the divorce epidemic and the time when, for many families, both parents had to work.

However, the least parented generation in American history had great relationships with their grandparents, who loved to spend time with them and take on babysitting duties. But now that the kids raised in the ‘70s, ‘80s, and '90s have children, they’re noticing something interesting: the parents who weren’t around to raise them aren’t that into being grandparents either.

There is a lot of talk about the differences between baby boomers as grandparents and their parents from the Silent Generation. Some believe it’s because baby boomers have more money than their parents, who were raised at a time when grandparents played a more significant role in child-rearing. After all, they didn't expect to travel or have busy social lives.

 baby boomers, parenting, grandparents, baby boomer grandparents, me generation A baby boomer couple.via Canva/Photos

This generation trend begs the question: Why do boomer parents beg their kids to have children, but shy away when it comes to spending time with them? An upset mother shared about the double standard on Reddit.

“My mother, a devout Christian, always preached the importance of getting married and having children. Now that I’ve done both (and happily so) and moved to be closer to her, she has very little interest in hanging out with us and never, ever offers to watch her grandkids,” she wrote. “I’ve been reading up on this, and it seems that it’s not uncommon. After moving across the country during COVID, I had dreams of my mom wanting to be an active part of our lives. The sad truth of it is, is that I see her maybe once more a year than when I lived across the country…and it’s not for lack of trying on my part.”

The post resonated with many mothers her age who had experienced the same problem. Their boomer parents begged them to have children, but they won’t lift a finger to see them.

“Yup, completely describes my boomer parents. They begged and begged for us to relocate back to my home city. Still, as we began searching for new job opportunities/places to live, we naturally discussed the possibility of them spending some alone time with the grandkids from time to time,” another mom wrote. “That was a full stop for them. Both my parents insisted they’d retired from child watching duties and would not ever be utilized as ‘babysitters.’ The only acceptable option for them was for us to be present the entirety of the time their grandkids were interacting with them.”

 baby boomers, parenting, grandparents, baby boomer grandparents, me generation, grandma, gardening A grandma in the garden. via Canva/Photos

“I think you hit the nail on the head. A lot of the boomers want to be 'seen' as 'good grandparents' while not doing a damn thing,” another mom added.

Another mom noted that their grandparents were amazing, but their parents are the exact opposite. “What’s crazy is I spent TONS of time with my grandparents as a child. I’d routinely be dropped off on the weekends and weeknights,” the mother wrote. “My grandparents picked me up from school regularly. It’s not like my grandparents were doing the same behavior, and therefore it’s a learned generational thing.”

 baby boomers, parenting, grandparents, baby boomer grandparents, me generation,  Baby boomers throwing up a peace sign. via Canva/Photos

One mother in the thread had some sympathy for baby boomers who felt a lot of pressure to have children, regardless of whether they wanted them or not. She believes that now they’re getting their time back. “It’s because even though Boomers had the physical choice to become parents, they didn’t have the cultural/social choice. Whenever I hear this story, I figure the grandparents didn’t really want children. It also explains why we were at our grandparents so often: anything they could do to not be around us, they took it up,” she wrote.

It’s wrong to paint an entire generation with the same brush, and there are, no doubt, plenty of wonderful baby boomer grandparents out there. However, it’s not surprising that a group of people once called the “Me Generation” is more reluctant to spend time with their families than those who came before them. One wonders if their feelings toward family will change when they become the ones who need to be cared for?

This article originally appeared in May.

From Your Site Articles
baby boomers
Family

Millennial mom calls out absent baby boomer grandparents for their misleading Facebook posts

They love their grandkids on social media, but...

via Canva/Photos

An older couple proudly staring at a laptop.

In many ways, millennials have had the short end of the stick when it comes to generational luck. They grew up during the Great Recession, and by the time they were old enough to make it on their own, they had to deal with an incredible increase in the cost of living. For many millennials, the American dream seems to be fading away. It’s no wonder so many say they are exhausted.

Life can be even harder for millennial parents who need all the support they can get trying to raise a family at such a difficult time. The unfortunate reality for many is that their baby boomer parents, or their kids’ grandma and grandpa, aren't around to help. A big reason why baby boomers aren’t around for the grandkids is that they have more money than previous generations and spend a lot of time on vacation or pursuing their hobbies. For many, it's no shock that the cohort dubbed the "Me Generation" in the '70s has taken that ethos into their golden years.

 baby boomers, boomer grandparents, grandparents facebook, boomers laptops An older woman looking at a laptop.via Canva/Photos

Boomer grandparents on Facebook

Even though many boomer grandparents aren’t there for their children and grandchildren, many like to pretend they are by sharing photos of their grandkids at events they didn’t even attend on Facebook. Popular millennial TikToker @MotherPhyillis, who has a lot to say about absent boomer grandparents, took a shot at her parents in a video in which she mocked their misleading Facebook posts.

@motherphyllis

That’s why I don’t post anymore When the absent grandparent reposts the pictures acting like they know what’s going on #foryoupage #momlife #mom #relatable #fypシ #millennial #fypage #generations #funny

In the video, Phyllis pretends she's on the phone with her mother, describing the photos she took of her kids, only to realize she has already posted them on Facebook. The video touched a nerve with many millennial mothers who have had the same experience. “I stopped posting altogether. For that reason,” one wrote. “My mom tags herself like she was there,” another added. “I blocked my mother-in-law because she would do the same thing and I can’t stand when she would act like she was seeing my son all the time when it’s only on his birthday and some holidays,” wrote another.

“I stopped posting. My mother posts things on her FB about how she misses her grandkids but she doesn’t even call them on their birthdays,” another frustrated mom wrote. “My monster in law doesn’t get to see anything I post because I have the privacy settings on. She thinks I never post pictures,” one more added.

 young mom, stressed mom, baby, mom and baby, baby in bed, tired mom A young mom who's exhausted.via Canva/Photos


Why are millennial parents so exhausted?

The topic of absentee boomer grandparents must be on many millennials' minds because one of Phyllis' videos, where she explains why her generation is “exhausted,” received over nine million views.


@motherphyllis

These new age grandparents got it made. I love my kids to death, but a night out with my husband with out finding a babysitter would be nice 😊 #fyp #fypシ#mom #momlife #sahm #truth #viral #love @laneige_us

“If our parents were exhausted or just needed a weekend off, weekend away, call grandma. We go stay the night at our grandparents for the weekend, and we had a blast. It was so fun. They wanted to spend time with us. That's the difference. They wanted to,” Phyllis said. “These new age grandparents, where they at? And don't even get me started on, ‘Oh, times have changed. Things are expensive.’ You can still hang out with your current grandkids.”

Obviously, it’s wrong to paint all boomer grandparents with the same brush. However, the ones who aren't there for their grandkids are a popular topic on social media. Talking about their absence may not make any grandparents wake up and help out, but at least it can help the millennials who have to raise their kids all by themselves feel less alone.

From Your Site Articles
baby boomer grandparents
Internet

Gen X has been designated the 'worst grandparents.' Sadly, their explanation makes sense.

The latch-key generation doesn't hate their family, they're burnt out.

Photo credit: Canva

Gen X designated the 'worst grandparents' by Millennials

Generation X, typically the children of Baby Boomers born between the years of 1965-1980 tend to have a complicated reputation depending on who you ask. Some view them as a feral generation never to be spoken of poorly without consequence, while others view them as innovators pushing us into the future. But in recent years, Gen Xers have been dubbed the "worst grandparents" by social media users.

This multi-year conversation started when a video went viral calling Gen X out for being "terrible" grandparents, claiming that they never want to help with grandchildren. It didn't take long before other Millennials piled on to air their own grievances about Gen X grandparents. Most people criticizing the "new grandparents" were genuinely perplexed as to how they did not want to be more involved in the lives of their grandchildren.

Gen X; Gen X grandparents; absent grandparents; Gen X worst grandparents; Millennials; worst grandparents; Gen ZFamily baking fun in the kitchen.Photo credit: Canva

Kylie Muse reveals in a video that she felt neglected by her Gen X parents growing up, saying, "It's quite a common theme for Gen X parents to be neglectful in some capacity and it's just crazy to me how more of them haven't learned from the past 20 to 30 years, instead of these grandparents seeing their kids having kids as an opportunity to restore the health in their relationships with their kids by showing up and helping them during the hardest transition of their lives, they would rather double down and compromise their relationship with that next generation. All for the sake of hyper-individualism and pride."

 
 @kylies.muse Gen x grandparents and their beloved empty nest 🥴 just say you hate having a family 😭 #grandparents #grandparentsoftiktok ♬ original sound - Kylie ꩜ 
 
 

The critique coming from the younger generation is not lost on Gen X, and they started coming out in force to respond with such vigor you'd think John Hughes had just announced the re-release of The Breakfast Club. It would seem that some of the people complaining of the lack of involvement have not considered that Gen X could have valid reasons for not immediately jumping in to take on grandparenting in the way some expect. A man by the name of John S. Blake gives a candid look into why Gen X was neglected as children and, in turn, became hype-independent at an early age.

"As a Gen X who's been on this earth long enough to have some hindsight I can tell you this, being independent at a young age is not a flex, what it actually means is capitalism is so brutal that our parents were forced to neglect their own children to stay alive. My generation was struggling so much that we had to leave our children unattended in order to produce enough so that we could afford to exist," Blake says.

 
 @blackfluidpoet Replying to @ellens0061 #foryoupage #homealone #fyp #foryou ♬ Slippin' - Re-Recorded - DMX 
 
 

But perhaps one of the most heart wrenching explanations comes from an elder Millennial who goes by the name Amazing Dea. In response to another Millennial who asks about Gen X being let off the hook, Dea shares, "Being as though you look like you might be a younger Millennial, let me go ahead and enlighten you. Generation X and older Millennials had to live through more than just this pandemic. We had the crack epidemic, we had the AIDS epidemic and let me tell you something, it was scary as f***."

Dea went on to explain that there were apartment complexes burned due to high populations of people with AIDS living in them and how they would witness people go from being completely normal to being addicted to crack in a matter of weeks. It seems that depending on socioeconomic status, Gen Xers lived wildly different lives with the common theme being growing up entirely too fast at an extremely young age.

Gen X; Gen X grandparents; absent grandparents; Gen X worst grandparents; Millennials; worst grandparents; Gen ZThree generations smiling by the sea.Photo credit: Canva

Another person kindly breaks down the confusion over why Gen X isn't rising to the occasion of being award-winning grandparents. In response to the criticism she replies, "We grew up in a different time, first of all. A lot of us, meaning me, Gen X, I was raised by boomers. A lot of us did not get raised by our grandparents. We were like the feral kids, like by 7 and 9 years old we were actually babysitting our brothers and sisters, alright."

The woman explains further in the video that Gen X doesn't want to raise their grandchildren or simply be babysitters, that there's a difference between expecting grandparents to be involved and expecting them to be babysitters.

 
 @that1crazy72 Let’s take it a step further. You share DNA with your grandkids they are part of you not everyone gets the privilege of being a grandparent so if you are one take that as a blessing #genxgrandparents ♬ original sound - That1crazy72 
 
 

In many of the response videos shared by Gen Xers, they certainly seem to love their grandchildren and children alike, but there's a discrepancy in expectation. The consensus of the forgotten generation seems to be that they had adult responsibilities much too early, were exposed to adult life experiences at a young age, and were often left to their own devices for long periods of time while also being told that their voices didn't matter.

While the argument seems to be around their lack of involvement as grandparents, they appear to be saying that they want to enjoy the freedom they didn't have as children, while being valued as a person and not a babysitter. In many follow up videos, Gen Xers gushed over their grandchildren and how they loved when they were around. It's just that they draw the line at raising them. Maybe for some, their experiences with their own childhood isn't enough to move Gen X out of the "worst grandparents" category, but for others it provides much needed context.

From Your Site Articles
gen x worst grandparents
Family

Psychologist says baby boomer 'three-quarter crisis' has left millennial parents 'abandoned'

Young parents need support and they aren't getting it.

via Canva/Photos and Gustavo Fring/Pexels

A mom struggles while his father is on vacation.

Canadian psychologist Elliott Jacques coined the term "mid-life crisis" in 1965 to describe a time in people’s lives when they begin to grapple with meaning, purpose, and mortality. This developmental state can inspire people to become more spiritual and improve their health. It can also cause people to seek extramarital affairs and buy a flashy car.

As baby boomers came of age, they were among the first generations to openly struggle with the mid-life crisis. You saw this often in '80s and '90s pop culture when men would buy sports cars and get their ears pierced to appear young and virile. Now that they’re at retirement age, boomers are embracing the three-quarter life crisis, where they're facing their mortality by travelling, taking risks, and living it up while they can. The problem is that this has taken them away from their roles as grandparents, and their millennial children feel abandoned.

What’s wrong with boomer grandparents?

baby boomers, grandparents, older couples, man and woman, couple in 60sA married man and woman in their late 60s.via Canva/Photos

Recent generational trends show a big rift between millennials and their boomer parents. The older generation isn’t keen on spending time with their grandchildren or helping their kids raise their families. At a time when the cost of living is through the roof, especially childcare, young families need more support than ever, and it feels like the baby boomers have dropped the ball by prioritizing their well-being over the children and grandchildren.

"It is a really common struggle," Leslie Dobson, a psychologist in Los Angeles, told Business Insider. "You have children, and it feels even more like an abandonment that they've chosen their life over meeting their grandchildren and building these relationships. There's almost like this three-fourth life crisis that [boomers are] in. And they're really looking at this as, 'Oh, my God, my life's almost over. When is my last day, and how am I going to live my best life?'"

stressed mom, milennial mom, baby, mom and baby, empty roomA mom an dher baby.via Canva/Photos

The crux of the generational rift is whether boomers should have to sacrifice their remaining years putting family first or whether they deserve to have fun while they can. Many in the younger generation see the decision to put good times and personal development before family as a hallmark of a group deemed the “Me Generation” in the ‘70s.

Do millennials and boomers parent differently?

To make things worse, when boomers are around to care for their grandchildren, their old-school, authoritarian approach to parenting often clashes with the more gentle, nurturing style adopted by the millennials. "What I've seen in my clients is there's a huge differentiation in parenting," Dobson said. "If you ask a millennial, the boomers are overly harsh and not good at parenting the younger children. And millennials are very aware of what could potentially be traumatizing, what is not gentle parenting."

Popular millennial parenting influencer Paige Connell went viral on TikTok recently for pointing out a big problem with boomer grandparents: they insist on doing it their way and won’t listen to their children. “It's so strange being a millennial parent with boomers who are now grandparents to your children. Because we all want them to have this, like, really close, loving relationship, but struggle for so many reasons,” she opens her video. “I think one of the biggest reasons is just the blatant disregard for any parenting decisions we make, and so this can look so many different ways, I think it starts when they're born, right.”

@sheisapaigeturner

This is a PSA for Boomer grandparents. If you value time and closeness with your kids and grandkids, I highly recommend that you learn what their boundaries are around parenting, and respect them respecting your children as they become parents goes a very long way for your relationship. ##boomergrandparents##boomerparents##boomervsmillennial##millennialmoms##boundarysetting##grandparentsoftiktok##momof4kids ##parentingstyle

Ultimately, the millennial-boomer generational divide isn’t just about parenting styles; it’s about expectations, values, and priorities. As millennials struggle with young children, boomers are off chasing joy and fulfillment in the final quarter of their lives. Hopefully, they can both understand each other and meet in the middle.

From Your Site Articles
baby boomers
Trending Stories