Woman with 'insecure attachment' shows the reality of marrying into an affectionate family
"I want to say I love you back but my brain glitches."
Reality of marrying into affectionate family when insecurely attached
Attachment style is something that seems to have gained a lot of popularity on social media, which can translate to real life interactions like dating. Everyone wants to have the "gold star" attachment style–secure attachment. Not everyone can have a secure attachment style, but that doesn't mean they'll never have one since this is not a fixed trait.
Shantel Smith, has a self proclaimed insecure attachment style, which can cause people to be a bit more guarded in their approach to interpersonal relationships. The social media creator recently made a video about what it's like to have an insecure attachment style while integrating into a family that is very affectionate.
Smith recently got married and became a stepmother to three children. From the looks of the video, she is adored by her stepchildren and their father, but all of the affection seems to be a bit overwhelming for the new mom.
In the video, Smith gets an unexpected hug from one of her step-kids and appears to be confused and uncomfortable. The next frame highlights "goodbye rituals" where we hear one of the children telling her bye before leaving but continuing to say "I love you" louder and louder until the new stepmom says it back.
Smith writes in the caption of her video, "there was love in my household as a child for sure but affection wasn’t shown the way it is now with my family that I’ve joined."
The video struck a chord with several people in the comments who expressed their own discomfort with being affectionate due to their attachment style or upbringing.
@shantelmsmith Can you say insecure attachment?! This is me keeping it so vulnerable and real with yall. There was love in my household as a child for sure but affection wasn’t shown the way it is now with my family that I’ve joined. Sometimes i find myself asking like “what do they want from me?” Becasue people are not this verbally affectionatebynless they want something from you. Mercy. It truly is a blessing and I’m growing through it lol it is hard some days to receive love, we have in my household,but we have in our household what we call “i love you Shan sundays” thats the day when they can say it as many times as they like without me being weird about it. So im learning to recieve this abundant gift of love and joy and they are learning that its gonna take me some time. #familylife #familytime #parenting #affection #comedy #healing #traumahealing #marriage ♬ All The Way Up (feat. Infared) - Fat Joe & Remy Ma & French Montana
"Just overstimulated and mad after a certain amount of loving," one person says.
"OMG I thought I was the only one thank you for making feel like others understand me," another writes.
"I just felt so seen and triggered at the same time," someone reveals.
"It’s crazy because I’m really trying but it feels weird and I love my family but why you hugging me," one mom says.
"First time my dad said “I love you” I was 24 and I called my brothers bc I thought he was sick or something," a commenter laughs.
Marrying into a family is a big step and takes some adjusting for everyone. While it seems like Smith is still learning, she reveals, "we have in our household what we call “i love you Shan Sundays” thats the day when they can say it as many times as they like without me being weird about it. So I'm learning to receive this abundant gift of love and joy and they are learning that its gonna take me some time."