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Adults share things teens 'aren't ready to hear,' and it's some solid advice for all ages

'Social media is not reality and your entire life should not revolve around it.'

Photo by Sarah Brown on Unsplash

Some trends aren't even worth experimenting with.

With age comes the gift of wisdom, along with maybe a wrinkle or two. As we grow older we inevitably learn things about life that can only be taught through experience and time. However, passing along that hard-earned knowledge isn’t always easy. After all, when we’re younger, the world seems to be much more simple. We are not yet fully aware that things never stop changing—trends that were once "in" will eventually go "out" (and probably become a source of embarrassment). Or worse, they come back around as a as the latest “retro” or “nostalgic” trend. Ouch.

Of course, we’re not just talking about fashion or taste in music. Hopefully, we all expand our worldview after our teenage years, growing more mature, grounded, and less self-absorbed. That’s not always the case, of course, but it is the goal.

In 2022, now-deleted Reddit user u/Slight_Weight asked folks to share things that teens today “are not ready to hear” and honestly, I expected to find cynical, snarky “kids today don’t know anything” type of comments. On the contrary, a lot of it was really just tough love; much of the advice isn’t age-specific and fall into “be a kind human” reminders all around. Of course, other answers were just plain funny.

Check out 17 of the best answers. For the youngsters, just trust us on this. And for the…um…more refined crowd, you’ll probably relate to them all.

1. “Everything you do as a teenager will be cringe to your children.” – @divinetrackies

2."You won't 'feel' different when you're older, or have kids. You'll just be you, it's weird.” – @Poshspicer

3. “Today's eyebrows are yesterday's clown makeup.” – @Lardinho

Thick? Thin? Polka dotted? Which is it???

Giphy

4. "In 15 years you’re going to think the kids have gone too far and they’re going to think you’re old-fashioned.” – @neat_machine

5. “Getting good at stuff will take time. Sometimes lots of time. And sometimes, you'll spend lots of time on something, and you still won't get good at it. That's the human experience. Some things you struggle with will come very easily to others, but some things they struggle with will come very easily to you. Don't be mad that someone possesses skills you don't, and don't be a jerk for possessing skills that many other people don't.” – @OskeeWootWoot

6. “Nobody else wants to hear whatever TikTok you’re watching. Buy some headphones.“ – @EmiliusReturns

Nick Offerman as Ron Swanson puts on headphones

Okay, maybe the cute cat videos.

Giphy

7. "Being controversial isn't the same as being interesting.” – @HezFez238

I bet teens don't even know who this is.

Giphy

8. “School has a system in place to keep you from falling behind, life doesn’t.” – @Corey854

9. “Just because you fucked up does NOT mean you’re a fuckup.” – @Mr_Murder1

10. “Things will likely take significantly longer to achieve than you think.” – @Dull-College

11. "Life is NOT like a video game where you just keep leveling up. Sometimes, what you built will fall apart, and you will have to repeatedly do the same thing over and over…However, don't beat yourself up about it - this is normal. And with experience, you will also become more adept at facing and resolving problems, so each time the same problem repeats, you will be better at solving them.” – @EmpRupus

12. “Not everybody can be an internet sensation, somebody has to drive the dump truck.” – @Raggydasavage

13. “Social media is not reality and your entire life should not revolve around it.” – @RickGrimesSnotBubble

14. “One day you too will be old and uncool. And it'll happen faster than you think.” – @omguseries

Welcome to Cringeville.

Giphy

15. “Just because it's new to you doesn't mean it's new.” – @Broad_word_1690

16. “As you get older you just keep realizing how dumb you were last year.” – @Comparison_Past

17. “That heartache you're going through? It consumes everything now but it will be nothing but a footnote in the future. You'll rarely think about it later - & when you do, it won't hurt you. It's hard to hear that your pain isn't the worst in the world when you're feeling it. But it does help to know that it won't mean as much as it does in this moment.” – @st3washere1

This article originally appeared three years ago.

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Parenting

Man asks how to help his wife who works full-time with a baby at home and keeps getting the same answer

More and more families are trying to scrape by — by trying to do it all

Photo by Katie Emslie on Unsplash

There are times in parenting where you just feel kind of useless. You can't carry the baby, take a late-night breastfeeding shift, or absorb any of the pain and discomfort of childbirth. Sometimes the best you can do is to try to take care of your partner. That's what brought user u/DietyBeta to the AskParents subreddit with a well-meaning question.

"My wife watches our 1yo, works, and is 12 week pregnant. How can I make her daily life easier while I'm away at work?"

He says that when he gets home from work, he takes over all parenting and homemaking duties.

But yeesh! That's still... a lot to handle. No wonder his wife is stressed out.

A few folks chimed in to pat the OP on the back. After all, it's great to see a dad who realizes how much is falling on mom's shoulders and actively looking for ways to lighten the load!

Some helpful suggestions rolled in, like taking over meal prep and making her easy lunches to heat up, hiring cleaners, or paying someone to walk the dogs.

woman in black shirt lying on couch Photo by Alexander Grey on Unsplash

But then even more people came in to the comments asking the same question over and over: If mom is working, why isn't the 1-year-old in daycare?

u/young-mommy wrote: "Is the one year old in daycare? If not, I would start there. Working from home with a child gets harder and harder as they enter toddlerhood"

u/min2themax said: "It’s nice of you to be asking how to help her but she really is getting the fuzzy end of the lollipop here. It sounds like she is literally always working or parenting. Sometimes both at the same time. Walking the dogs and making her lunches and prepping meals and doing laundry is all well and good but this is not at all sustainable."

u/alternative-box3260 said: "Have the one year old in daycare. I was in a similar situation and it’s impossible. I was able to breath after that, not before."

And u/sillychihuahua26 wrote: "She’s caring for your 1.year old while working? That’s a horrible plan. You guys need childcare like yesterday."

We have a legitimate childcare crisis in our country, and stories like this one really bring it to life.

Childcare in the United States isn't nearly accessible or affordable enough for most families. Period.

ChildCare Aware found that that average cost of childcare in 2022 was $10,853 per year, or roughly 10% of a median family income (in 2024, it's likely even more than that — yet the actual workers at childcare centers are somehow severely underpaid).

But even that eye-popping number is conservative. Anyone who lives anywhere close to a city (or in California or New York) knows the number will be way higher. It's just not feasible for most families to put their child, let alone multiple children, in full-time care while they're young.

And yet! The percentage of households with two parents working full-time has been rising for decades. Life is more expensive than ever, and the extra income from two working parents really helps, even if it's offset by those child care costs.

More and more families are trying to scrape by — by trying to do it all

woman in white shirt sitting on brown wooden armchair Photo by Keren Fedida on Unsplash

Now we don't know whether the OP's family can afford childcare for their 1-year-old or not, although in a later update to the post he wrote:

"As far as daycare, she doesn't want to because she feels like she would be missing out on the time"

So even if you can afford childcare, there's the still the crushing guilt of shipping your child off to be raised by strangers to deal with! Classic.

(Take one guess who shoulders most of the daycare guilt — dads or moms?)

The work-from-home revolution has been a Godsend for parents in certain ways — flexibility, balance, less commuting time — but its also saddled many of them with double duty.

'Hey how about you work full-time because we need the money AND keep an eye on the kids, since you're home anyway!'

But it doesn't work like that, and trying to do both is crushing modern parents.

In fact, the Surgeon General of the United States just put out an official advisory based on the plummeting mental state of today's parents.

We know parents are having a hard time and that it's getting picked up in the national conversation. But hearing about a mom working full-time with a 1-year-old on her hip while pregnant, and a dad stuck working out of the house who's at a total loss for how to make things better really paints a pretty bleak picture.

No one should have to work full-time and parent full-time, at the same time.

A fridge full of microwavable lunches and a fleet of dog walkers isn't going to make it any better until things start changing from the very top.

This article originally appeared in September.

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Pop Culture

Europeans are admitting these 15 everyday American conveniences feel like a 'luxury'

Sometimes, you don't know how good you have it.

via Franchise Opportunities/Flickr and SridharSaraf/Flickr

15 things Europeans really like about America.

Even though European countries and America are roughly on the same level regarding development, there are still some stark differences in their ways of life. Americans may look to Europe and feel a bit jealous over their free healthcare systems and more laid-back approach to their professional lives.

But Europeans who visit America are also in awe of some of the everyday things that Americans take for granted, which seem to be luxuries. A Reddit user named Prof_XdR asked Europeans on the AskReddit subforum to share the everyday American things that they believe are luxuries, and the question received nearly 13,000 responses.

Clearly, Europeans admire many things about the American way of life.

Here are 15 of the best responses to the question: “Europeans of Reddit, what do Americans have every day that you see as a luxury?”

1. Disability access

"Disability access everywhere. I can go to any place -- theater, store, office, school, whatever -- with confidence that I'll be able to navigate fine in my wheelchair. They'll have ramps and/or elevators." — 5AgainstRhoneIsland

"Of all the things in this thread, the disability access is it IMO. The Americans with Disabilities Act of 1990 was an absolute game changer, and European countries and the EU as a whole should be embarrassed for not having something like it." — Jedrekk

2. Climate changes

"You can pretty much choose to live in any climate you like when you live in the USA and still be in the same country. You like 4 seasons: Move to the Northeast. You like the humid ocean climate - move to Seattle. You like dry warm weather - move to Los Angeles. You like deserts, move to Arizona. You like warm and humid weather - move to the Southeast." — DachauPrince

"I work as an ecologist and the amount of biodiversity in California is insane. I'll do biological surveys a few hundred miles apart and see so many different plants and animals at each site. I've even done work at sites fairly close to each other (sub 50 miles apart) and will still find stark differences between sites. It's a magic state for wildlife biologists." — Skinsnax

3. Big kitchens

"Big kitchens and big refrigerators/ freezers. Even in my student apartment, we had a pretty good-sized kitchen. I was dating a Czech girl and her parents came to visit. When they went to my apartment for dinner, the mom was just amazed at the size of my fridge. They were amused when I dumped the scraps in the sink and turned on the garbage disposal. They’d heard about it but had never seen one." — Granadafan

4. Square footage

"The massive houses, a special room just for your massive washer and dryer units, 2 car garage, basically you have tons of space." — Howiebledsoe

"The size of your homes in places like Utah and Texas. There's a dedicated room for everything. Kids playroom that isn't the living room or the kid's bedroom, walk-in pantry room, a laundry room." — mcnunu

5. Free refills

"As an American, it's so easy to take this for granted. Similarly, getting free ice water in the US as well is something I often forget isn't exactly a thing in many other parts of the world." — Gaveuptheghost

6. National parks

"There’s just human development on virtually every inch of large parts of Europe. So even when there are parks, they’re not always as untouched as American parks. And the population density in large parts of Europe means you see a lot more people in the parks. America has national parks that are so untouched and massive that you can really be alone if you want to be." — CactusBoyScout

7. A/C

"Americans pump it all summer long." — Websurfer49

8. Two peaceful neighbors (Mexico and Canada)

"Remember, the world's longest undefended border is between Canada and the United States. That says something about our relationship." — Dervishler

"We Europeans both love and hate each other in ways that Americans will never understand. But basically, not being French should be enough." — TitanFox98

10. Big schools

"My high school just had a pool, 3 gyms, an agricultural barn with stalls for students to keep the animals they were raising to show at the rodeo, a few labs, a theater, a full-size kitchen that was used for the culinary classes to share (not the cafeteria), 3 tennis courts, 2 soccer fields that were also used for football practice, and a football stadium with a Jumbotron. At the end of the year, the culinary classes would cook breakfast for the graduating class." — Elephantepiphany

11. Free bathrooms

"As an American who lived in Europe with little kids, this was frustrating. My wife found an app of free public restrooms in Europe." — QuotidianPain

12. Mexican food

"Real Mexican food. We have Mexican restaurants in my home country, but the owners are usually not Mexican and it’s just not the same. Now, I’m living in Japan and it’s the same problem… Mexican food is so delicious." — punpun_Osa

13. Supermarkets

"Enormous supermarkets with abundant choice. I always feel like I'm in Willy Wonka's chocolate factory when I enter one. There's so much stuff!" — Better protection

14. Big showers

"This stands out - I have two really great friends (an expat woman and her husband) that live in the UK, and when I went to stay at their first place together, their shower was like a 2-foot-wide plastic shield outside of the bathtub. I had to stay so close to the wall, so I didn't spray water all over the bathroom." — IGNSolar7

15. Money

"There’s a huge gap between the volume of physical/material stuff Americans count as normal and what Europeans consider normal. An American home might have three TVs versus one, six or seven rooms full of furniture instead of two or three, extra small appliances added all the time like air fryers and espresso machines, new PCs and phones every couple of years because of constant upgrade marketing … the American perception that there’s not enough money is partly down to the giant volume of things Americans regard as minimum equipment." — AnotherPint

"In effect, when you account for wages and cost of living, luxuries (which usually have similar prices around the world) are proportionally cheaper for Americans. They make up less of their wage and, therefore, make less of a difference. Standard of living is completely different for a working-class American because they can afford luxuries people from working class in other countries can't." — ltlyellowcould

This article originally appeared in January.

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Pop Culture

Younger people are admitting baby boomers got these 17 things right

"Kids shouldn't be on phones or iPads all the time. It makes them weird."

via Christian Buehner/Unsplash

Baby boomers didn't get everything wrong.

In recent years, baby boomers have often been the target of criticism from younger generations. The most common accusations are that boomers are selfish and don’t care about leaving ample resources (whether financial or environmental) to subsequent generations. They also come under fire for not being able to acknowledge that it was easier for people of their generation to come of age when things were more affordable and life was a lot less competitive.

However, we should also understand that many of today’s problems are not the boomers’ doing, especially when it comes to the issues that stem from entitled children and technology run amok. In hindsight, there’s something to be said about the importance that boomers placed on self-reliance, letting kids be kids and having a healthy skepticism towards technology.

In the end, each generation contributes to the tapestry of society in its unique way, whether good or bad, even baby boomers. This became evident after a Reddit user named Youssef4573 asked the AskReddit subforum: ‘What is something you can say ‘I'm with the boomers on this one’ about?” Over 4,700 people responded to the prompt, and the most prevalent problems mentioned by the younger generations were overreliance on technology, the modern world’s lack of human touch and how Gen Xers and millennials have raised their children.

Here are 17 things that younger people are “with the boomers” about.

1. Public filming

"Just because I’m in public doesn’t mean I want to be filmed. Yeah, I know legally you can, but common courtesy people." — Jayne_of_Canton

2. Customer service

"I want to talk to a person in customer service, not a machine." — lumpy_space_queenie

"And also a person that actually works at the company I bought the product from, not a teenager at an outsourced call center with a script to follow and who answers calls for 15 different companies on the same day." — Loive.

3. Turn up the dialog

"For the love of all that is holy, can we fix the audio in movies so that the music and sound FX aren’t drowning out the dialogue?" — Caloso

"And the action sequences don’t burst your eardrums or the dialogue is whispers." — Whynottry-again

4. Bring back buttons

"No, I don't need everything in my car to be electronic. Some stuff needs buttons." — LamborghiniHEAT

"This was the big thing for me in my last car - trying to adjust volume or change songs while driving is way more dangerous when it’s all touch screen. Thankfully my current car has physical knobs for everything." — GeekdomCentral

5. App overload

"Every store/service does not need an app." — BigDigger324

"I was standing at a car rental counter at an airport (boomer here) to rent a car. My daughter’s car broke down on the way to pick me up. While standing at the counter, with a customer service rep right there and not busy, I had to log in to their site, create an account, and reserve a car. It seemed ridiculous and it took a long time, filling in my license information and all that. This was last September." — Cleanslate

6. Bring back DIY

"Learning DIY skills is crucial. I had basically zero DIY skills when I bought my house because I had lived in apartments for so long and I've had to learn a lot. YouTube tutorials are absolutely clutch." — JingleJongleBongle

7. Turn off the speakerphone

"I hated this when I worked at Walmart. So many of my coworkers would talk on speaker or watch TikTok at full volume. It's just trashy imo, nobody wants to hear your media." — WhiteGuy1x

"I work at an emergency medical office and holy sh*t the amount of people that sit in a quiet, peaceful lobby and just have the LOUDEST conversations on their phone…. Speaker or otherwise. Not to mention the people that still watch sh*t without headphones. Like do you not see the plethora of other people around you that you’re disturbing?" — Cinderpuppins

8. Ban QR code menus

"I think menus should be tangible." — Limp-Management9684

"QR codes kill the vibe. We’re all on our phones constantly throughout the day and then when you go to spend some quality time with someone, it’s another excuse to whip out the phone and stare at it. There’s an intimacy to a physical menu. You’re looking at what the other person is reading, you’re each pointing to parts of the menu. You’re noticing the lighting of the restaurant. QR codes feel chintzy and kill the ambiance completely." — VapeDerp420

9. Stop subscriptions

"When I was your age, you only had to pay for a video game once to own it." — CattonCruthby

10. Free the children

"A kid in 2024 should have the same freedom to exist unsupervised and move about their community independently as a boomer did growing up." — PixelatedFish

"The world is safer than it's ever been and people are more scared than ever. I blame true crime and local news." ⲻ Unhappyhippo142

11. Kids need to touch grass

"Kids shouldn't be on phones or iPads all the time. It makes them weird." — Ubstantial_Part_952

"The same could be said about most adults." — DrunkOctopus

12. Stop being so sensitive

"People in our generation are far, far too sensitive. Don't get it twisted; empathy is, by and large, a good thing and it takes some serious doing for me to say it's gone too far. But collectively, we've become people willing to throw every last bit of energy fighting against every slight and making sure our pet cause gets top billing to the point of fighting amongst each other even if we're in almost complete agreement otherwise. Emotional energy - like any other kind of energy - is very much a finite resource. Whereas boomers could at least generally agree to disagree and get on with things (obvious cross-wielding exceptions doth apply). Culturally, we've lost sight of the adage of 'winning the battle, losing the war.'" — almighty_smiley

13. Stop delivery

"Food delivery services are a complete ripoff; if you use them regularly, you’re terrible with money. Get off my lawn." — VapeDerp420

14. Parking meters

"So rather than throwing a few coins in your meter, you have to now get your license plate #, get your meter number, go to the meter station, stand in line with everyone waiting to pay their meter, then you're set. It's an unnecessary amount of extra steps. I don't carry cash much anymore, but I can hide a small amount of coin in my car to quickly pay a meter." — Luke5119

15. Kids should know their place

"Not letting your children rule the roost. When did it become acceptable to let your kids back-talk to you, slap you, climb all over shi*t in public places? As we've raised ours, I've witnessed so many parents around us just let these behaviors slide. It's kind of sad when I'm the one saying things like, "Did I just hear you just say that to your mom?!?!?!?! That is not ok. You go and apologize right now!!". Then I get this stunned "deer in headlights" look back that tells me they aren't used to someone calling them out on their behavior." — Cobblestone-Villain

16. Pride in ownership

"Seems that a lot of boomers have pride of ownership and enjoy maintaining what they have." — Awkward_Bench123

17. Don't follow leaders

"My dad (a solid boomer) has been saying that ALL politicians are crooks since he became disenchanted with politics around the Nixon era. He was starry-eyed before that, trying to make social change, yada yada. He still votes, but holds his nose. Can’t say I disagree with him." — Thin_white_duchess

This article originally appeared in January.

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Joy

Gen Zers asked Gen Xers to share the things they don't realize will affect their life

Here are 14 things that people in their 20s should seriously consider.

via Canva/Photos

A woman in her 40s and one in her 20s staying fit.

When you’re in your 20s, you feel indestructible. You’re hip, healthy, and look good and there’s no way you’ll fall for the pitfalls that plague people as they age, whether it’s poor health, bad financial decisions, or deteriorating personal relationships.

Well, once most people reach 40, the idea that they’re indestructible has fallen by the wayside. You realize that you’re not perfect and are subject to the whims of Father Time, just like everyone else. At this point in life, you look back and think of everything you could have done to set yourself up for your second act. You start to consider whether you put enough effort into saving money, building friendships and working out.

The chasm between how we see life in our 20s versus 40s is the crux of an interesting conversation on Reddt’s AskReddit subforum. A user asked people in their 40s (younger Gen Xers and older Millennials) to help Gen Z by sharing the things people in their 20s don’t realize will affect them later in life.

Gen Xers are good people to for advice these days because they have recently entered a unique “sandwich generation” phase, where many are both caretakers for their elderly parents and their younger children. This gives them a better understanding of how your choices when you're younger affect you in old age. They also understand their children's fast-paced, tech-enabled world, many of whom are in their teens.

Gen Zers, on the other hand, are ages 12 to 27 and in the prime of their youth. So they’re either focused on becoming self-reliant adults or enjoying life as teenagers.

Here are 14 of the best answers to the question posed to people in their 40s: What do people in their 20s not realize will affect them later in life?

1. Be concerned about your parents' health

"What's really going to affect you is your parents' health, presuming they're still alive and you have a good relationship with them. If your parents live into old age, they will need more and more help. They won't understand how things work. They'll be more susceptible to scams. If they're like mine, they'll be stubborn and won't acknowledge their weakening faculties. Try getting someone who's driven for 60 years to surrender their license because their eyes aren't so good. And when one dies, the other will likely have fallen into a very co-dependent lifestyle, and the structure is completely destroyed. You know it's going to happen, but you don't realize how it'll manifest itself until it plays out."

2. Keep moving

"Don't stop moving. I started working from home in my mid-30s. I went from walking back and forth in the office from the printer to my desk 100 times a day, to not moving. I have major issues now, 14 years later. Part of those are caused by not moving! Get up and take a walk, dance, ride a bike, swim.

"Keep moving people, if you don't, you eventually won't be able to move without great pain!"

3. Protect your hearing

"Wear ear protection at concerts, dammit!"

"Wear ear protection AT WORK. I’m left-handed and almost completely deaf in my left ear from working on diesel engines most of my life. I’m 37."

4. Wear sunscreen

"Wear some freaking sunscreen. Skin cancer sucks!"

"I’m 41 and just got a bunch of sun damage lasered off my face yesterday. I was a lifeguard from 2002-2006. And regularly went to tanning beds until 2010 like all good Oregon Trail millennial girls back in the day. For the love, wear your sunscreen and don’t do what I did!"

5. It CAN be you, pt. 1

"Everyone thinks it won't be them: You won't get in a car accident, you're a safe driver. You won't get diabetes, you've always been good about sweets. You'd never fall for propaganda, you're too smart for that. You'd never end up in a cult, only gullible people believe in stuff like that. You'll never end up on the streets or in prison, you would never commit a crime. You'll never get cancer, that's something that happens to old people, or smokers, or people exposed to radiation. You'd never fall for obvious advertising, you're too smart to be caught by tricks like word choice or urgency or edited photos. You'll never fall for a scammer, you know better than that.

Become comfortable with the fact that things WILL happen to you. That you'll get sick or injured or develop a chronic illness. You'll get taken in by what, in hindsight, will be an obvious scam. That you'll believe someone's lies or end up impoverished or desperate, or if YOU were in such-and-such situations, you very probably would make the same mistakes that anyone in that situation would. Being aware that you aren't likely to be the exception to the rule is a kindness to yourself and others."

6. It CAN be you p. 2

"On the flipside of this argument...it CAN be you, so write that novel, make that indie movie, play in that band...do whatever it is that you're passionate about. Don't let your soul-crushing job rob you of the joy of your passions."

7. Understand compounding interest

"The power of compounding interest. For the love of god, start socking some money into your retirement as early as possible. Look at the charts online of the difference between starting to save a little when you’re younger versus how much you have to put away when you’re older to actually retire one day."

A great way to learn how the money you save today can be extremely valuable when you reach retirement age is to play around with this compound interest calculator. It may not seem like much, but 6% annual interest, compounded over a few decades, can turn into a lot of money.

8. Physical jobs are hard on your body

"That physical job is not paying you for the damage it does to your body. I did flooring for 18 years before I got out of it. I was a subcontractor and made great money. Until I realized that it wasn't enough to fix my joints. I have shoulder problems from carrying rolls of carpet and pad up endless flights of stairs. I was lucky and somehow my knees are ok."

9. Stretch younglings, stretch

"I’m a 27F who has been working from home since 2020. I never exercised or stretched until about a month ago, when I fully committed to a home workout routine. When I first tried to reach for my feet, I could barely bend far enough for my fingertips to touch my knees—it was painful! Thanks to daily stretches, I can almost reach my toes without discomfort. Progress! I’m getting there."

10. Beward of cynicism

"Cynicism. You'll disguise it as 'realism.' But you gotta get past that sh*t to wisdom. And even then, if you're lucky, you get a tiny kernel of wisdom. But it's better than sauntering through life feeling hard done by. I've moved on from friends who thought this way, people who don't lift you up and are only too happy to help you down."

11. People rarely change

"Avoid sticking with a person you are never going to change. Worst mistake ever."

12. Get rid of the negative energy in your life

"That includes bad habits and bad people... even if they're family. I've seen some people keep losers (male & female) around for far too long, and they got bogged down with their problems. then, when they needed help, the losers pulled them down even more.
the people you choose to have in your life can greatly affect the course of your life... make sure they're adding and not subtracting."

13. The bricks can bring you down

"People in their 20s don’t realize that every year they live isn’t just another trip around the sun; it’s another brick added to the backpack you’re carrying through life. When you’re young, that bag’s practically empty—light as hell. You’ve got a few memories, a couple of heartbreaks, maybe a regret or two, but nothing that really weighs you down. You’re sprinting through life thinking it’ll always feel this fresh and easy.

But by the time you hit your 40s, that backpack’s packed to the brim. Every relationship you’ve had, every choice you made—or didn’t make—starts to add up. It’s not just the passage of time; it’s the weight of that time. You’ve got the good stuff—family, love, achievements—but you’ve also got the “what-ifs,” the missed opportunities, and the regrets. Those regrets? Man, they’re like invisible bricks—things you didn’t even know would haunt you later. Not calling someone when you should’ve, passing on that one big risk, staying in a bad situation too long... all that stacks up."

14. Put effort into relationships

"I remember my best friend's father saying that in your 20s a social life is easy and natural. Keep strong connections with people who matter in your life. Divorce, lost a job, bankruptcy and illness—one or another are very usual in your 40's—can suddenly show how alone someone really is and hit hard. One is the most dangerous number."

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Community

People share small acts of kindness that can be used every day, and some are brilliantly simple

Being spatially aware has a surprisingly profound effect.

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Small actions lead to big movements.

Acts of kindness—we know they’re important not only for others, but for ourselves. They can contribute to a more positive community and help us feel more connected, happier even. But in our incessantly busy and hectic lives, performing good deeds can feel like an unattainable goal. Or perhaps we equate generosity with monetary contribution, which can feel like an impossible task depending on a person’s financial situation.

Perhaps surprisingly, the main reason people don’t offer more acts of kindness is the fear of being misunderstood. That is, at least, according to The Kindness Test—an online questionnaire about being nice to others that more than 60,000 people from 144 countries completed. It does make sense—having your good intentions be viewed as an awkward source of discomfort is not exactly fun for either party.

However, the results of The Kindness Test also indicated those fears were perhaps unfounded. The most common words people used were "happy," "grateful," "loved," "relieved" and "pleased" to describe their feelings after receiving kindness. Less than 1% of people said they felt embarrassed, according to the BBC.

So, maybe with kindness, we need to put our social anxieties away and act without overthinking (to a certain point, of course). Perhaps it’s best to find the simplest actions we can commit to on a daily basis, rather than formulating some grandiose gesture.

Reddit user u/tacoabouttoeat asked the online forum “what’s a small act of kindness that literally anyone can do/practice everyday?” and people gave some brilliantly simple ideas.

Here are eight easy-to-accomplish crowdsourced answers that might bring us one step closer to a more peaceful world:

1. Be aware of your surroundings.

It takes zero effort.

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“Either move with the flow of traffic or get to the side if you have to situate yourself.” – @JoeMorgue

2. Use headphones when taking public transport.

A tune we can all groove to.

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“If you don’t have them - you can go 20 minutes without making excessive noise while sharing a small space with other people.” – @cynthiayeo

3. Give compliments.

Does anyone not like feeling appreciated? Anyone?

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“If you have a charitable thought about someone, even a stranger, say it out loud to their face. It is free, it is easy, and it might be the best thing that has happened to that person all week. Nothing creepy or overtly sexual or flirty, just kind words. ‘That shirt is really your color! Your haircut is beautiful. I appreciate your help, you were a real lifesaver!’ It doesn't cost you anything and it means the world to the people you are talking to.” – @Comments_Wyoming

4. Hold doors open for people.

An instant warm welcome no matter where you are.

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“Makes a big difference in one's day.” – @sconnie64

5. Don’t act on “road rage."

Be like bond. Keep it cool.

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“After several years of commuting I came to the realization that with a few exceptional days, I always got home at the same time. Regardless of how many people ‘cut me off’ or drove too slowly and whatever. I started to just ‘go with the flow’ and always let people in when needed, always give extra room, and just enjoy my music/podcast. Life changing.” – @CPCOpposesAbortion

6. Have patience.

You never know what someone is going through.

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“You never know what someone else is going through. Could be a breakup, their dog just died, granny finally made it to heaven, or maybe mom just broke the news that she's got end stage cervical cancer and has weeks left to live. You never know, so be patient. After all, wouldn't you want someone to be patient with you?” – @mamalion12

7. Thank the people you live with for taking care of things around the house.

No, thank YOU for the "thank you."

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“It doesn’t have to be over the top, but everyone feels better about doing chores when it is noticed and appreciated. ‘Thanks for folding my laundry’ or ‘thanks for always keeping track of our bills, you’re awesome at managing money!’” – @Mrshaydee

8. Leave a place you visit just a little bit nicer than when you found it.

Your future self will thank you for it.

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“Pick up a piece of litter at the park. Give that mat with a pucker ready to trip someone a little tug to get it to lay flat in the business you're at. Let an employee know when you spot a leaky dairy product on the shelves so they can deal with it. Return someone else's grocery cart.” – @BlueberryPiano

This article originally appeared on 10.4.22

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'Flattery works': Plus, 14 other things 'everyone knows' but is afraid to say in public

Here's a glimpse into what people really think.

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A woman keeping herself from dropping truth bombs.

For most of us, there is an enormous chasm between what we think and say aloud. Comedians, artists and writers have the privilege of being able to speak their minds publicly, but for most of us, it’s hard to find the right time to be brutally honest.

That causes a big problem because many of us are tortured by thoughts and feelings that we think may be inappropriate. When, in reality, many folks feel the same way, they just can’t share them either.

That’s why the internet is so awesome. It gives us a place to be honest and share what we wouldn’t discuss at a polite cocktail party.

A Redditor named Fastenbauer asked folks on the AskReddit forum to share something that “everybody knows” but “nobody says aloud,” and it received over 3,500 responses. Many revolved around ways life is inherently unfair and how human civilization is more precarious than we’d like to admit.

Some of the ideas the posters shared are a little dark, but that’s okay if it lets some people know they're not the only one who thinks that way.

Here are 15 things that everybody knows but nobody says out loud.

1. Sane parents are a privilege

"Having mentally sane parents is one of the most important privileges in life, yet it isn't talked about nearly as much as race, class etc."

"I don’t think that people who do have mentally sane parents know this or will ever truly understand this."

2. Friendships are fragile

"Some friendships only last as long as they're convenient or beneficial."

"Not all friendships need to be deep and permanent. I don't stay in touch with most of my friends from my former job, but that doesn't mean we weren't friends. If circumstances brought us together again, we'd probably easily continue where we left off."

3. Looks matter

"Looks do matter, and they matter a lot."

"As someone that went from a chubby neckbeard gamer type to a ripped athletic type that actually does skincare and grooming...yeah, yes it does and a lot. It is a night and day difference the way people interact with you."

"Looks determine whether you will get a job, If you can get a date or If a person in public will be nice to you or give you contempt and definitely how people perceive you."

4. Money matters

"And it does buy happiness. Yeah, there are diminishing returns after a certain amount, but more money usually means a happier individual."

"This is because money means financial security. Buying food when you're hungry. Having a home without fear. Freedom to travel an appreciable distance. Not having to worry so much about personal life changes like job loss, pregnancy, or health problems."

5. Flattery works

"Flattery will, in fact, get you everywhere."

"Yeah, you might be the most skilled person in your field, but at some point, you WILL have to play along if you want to get a better salary/position/situation."

6. Being alive is strange

"That being alive at all and conscious is just really, really weird."

"It's like when you wake up from some messed up dream and think, 'What the hell was that? Thank god I'm back in the real world,' only to then realize that you still really have no idea what's going on and never can or will know."

"Why is there anything at all? Seems more probably there would be absolutely nothing. No stuff, life, atoms, etc. everything just never having ever existed. Why is there anything at all?"

7. We all have dark thoughts

"We all have dark thoughts that we don't act on."

"Learning the name for this (intrusive thoughts) and that it's not uncommon was such a huge relief. I love the internet."

8. Emotional intelligence is underrated

"Something I’ve noticed among colleagues is that the ones with strong EI/communication are the ones that are thriving in this difficult market. The soft skills are HUGE and unfortunately only business students learn about it."

"Most people don't even know what it is, and when you tell someone they don't have it, they get angry with you because of it... showing they don't have it."

9. Adulthood doesn't exist

"We are all just kids walking around in grown-up bodies."

"I’m 50. Looking around and NOT seeing any grown-ups is terrifying"

10. Nothing really matters

"Our world is a house of cards. It’s all meaningless, but we all rely on the structure, so no one wants to knock it down."

"The idea of meaning was created by us. There is no meaning or value inherent to anything. We make things have meaning or value through our biased perception."

11. Do you really care?

"When someone asks 'How are you?' they don't actually want to hear how you are."

"The thing is, it’s not actually a question. It’s a polite, perfunctory greeting disguised as a question. And the appropriate counter-greeting is something along the lines of, 'Fine, thanks. And you?' Answering honestly isn’t being radically honest. It’s just messing up the flow of the greeting."

12. Luck is huge

"Everybody knows that success often comes from luck and timing, but we rarely admit it. We prefer to believe it's all hard work and talent."

"To credit something other than hard work is to admit that people aren't fully in control of their own circumstances, which breaks the whole 'work hard, get ahead' schtick."

13. People who get paid the least do most of the work

"Anyone working a fast food job is working way harder than most of us."

14. We're trying our best

"No one actually knows what they're doing. We're all just trying our best."

"Been working at a cellphone retailer for 2 months now and it’s amazing how many guys have been here for years and literally have no idea what buttons do when they’re pushing when doing a sale. There’s maybe one or two that actually understand what they’re doing."

15. Complaining vs. fixing

"Most people spend their time complaining about things out of their control rather than fixing things in their control."

"Also why people get annoyed when you point out solutions, because they tend not to want to focus on solutions to their problems. Only venting about them."

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