A woman is depressed over her husbands restrictive diet.
A woman (42) is wondering whether she's correct in feeling that she’s been pushed too far by her neurodivergent husband (48), who has extreme dietary restrictions. “My husband is ND and extremely successful in his career, but struggles with day-to-day functioning. He has a lot of dietary restrictions, and over the years, I was happy to work around those--mostly, we now eat homemade salad and baked chicken, in various forms. Unfortunately, this resulted in a situation where I do ALL the cooking,” she writes.
Her husband also suffered from long-term COVID, which has added to his dietary restrictions, and he has become allergic to wood dust and the gas stove, so she has to cook his chicken in a tiny toaster oven. In addition, she does the majority of household chores while working as an academic at 2 different schools. She has also recently lost her father, to which she was the primary caretaker.
To make things worse, he hasn’t made an effort to get professional help for his problems. “He has pursued no medical solution aside from an inhaler from his PCP. His symptoms are mysterious and variable. He has not seen an allergist or rheumatologist in spite of my pleading,” the woman said.
A couple haing a disagreement.via Canva/Photos
“This morning, finally, I realized that perhaps I needed to remove myself from this whole emotional food-centered loop and told my husband he can cook and shop for himself, and I will cook and shop for myself and the dogs. He was not happy about this at all,” she concluded her post on the AITA Reddit subforum. She asked the subforum if she was doing the right thing and received tremendous support for a decision that she wasn’t very sure about.
The sticking point with many commenters was that the husband has done little to get help for his ailments and still expects his wife to do everything.
“Are you saying your husband has decided that he has all of those bizarre allergies (wood dust, gas stove, etc) on his own without meeting with an allergist?” one commenter wrote. “He is putting an insane burden on you and doing nothing to help. I’ll be honest — he’s mean and selfish for expecting you to sacrifice your quality of life for all of his whatnot. I would for sure stop cooking for him. I would cook my own food however I want to. I would tell him if he doesn’t go to multiple doctors to assess all this, then the marriage is over.”
Another commenter thought that she was doing the right thing. “Stop. Just stop the madness. In addition to cooking your own meals, use the gas stove until he sees a medical provider and assign him some chores. Is he going to like it? Probably not. But listen to yourself: you are exhausted, traumatized, lost, and angry. If anyone needs self-care, it’s you,” another commenter wrote.
“That’s not a husband, that’s a leech, and you’re a servant. I hope you get yourself out of this. Life can be hard, but it shouldn’t be this miserable,” a commenter wrote.
A man blowing his nose.via Canva/Photos
Another interesting topic discussed in the thread is seldom discussed: long-term COVID is associated with developing new allergies. So, that could be a reason why he’s developed more allergies recently. However, that doesn’t free him from the responsibility of seeing a doctor to get help for his numerous ailments.
Finally, the woman’s post and the helpful comments helped her make peace with her decision to stop cooking for her husband. It’s a great example of how random people on the internet can be a big help. Thank you. “I didn’t expect so many people to have insights into what felt like the impossible frustrations of this situation,” she wrote. “It feels much less impossible when other people share that their own families are experiencing similar things in different ways.”
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