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What's in a response?


Have you ever wondered why people don't seem to say “you're welcome" anymore?

The phenomenon has really caught on lately but it's roots go further back. In 2015, author and professor Tom Nichols tweeted out an angry response after receiving what he thought was poor customer service:



“Dear Every Cashier in America: the proper response to 'thank you' is 'you're welcome,' not 'no problem.' And *you're* supposed to thank *me.*" The angry tweet elicited a number of mocking responses from people on social media.


But eventually one person chimed in with a detailed and thoughtful response that just might give you pause the next time you or someone you know says, “no problem."

two women on opposite sides of a counter completing a transaction

Just because it's different doesn't mean it's impolite.

Photo by Christiann Koepke on Unsplash

It's not about being polite. Our views on gratitude are evolving.

In a response that is going viral on Reddit, one person writing under the name "lucasnoahs" laid it all out:

Actually the “you're welcome/no problem" issue is simply a linguistics misunderstanding. Older ppl tend to say “you're welcome," younger ppl tend to say “no problem." This is because for older people the act of helping or assisting someone is seen as a task that is not expected of them, but is them doing extra, so it's them saying, “I accept your thanks because I know I deserve it."
“No problem," however, is used because younger people feel not only that helping or assisting someone is a given and expected but also that it should be stressed that you're need for help was no burden to them (even if it was).

Basically, older people think help is a gift you give, younger people think help is an expectation required of them.

Nichols took a lot of flack for his comment. But the insightful response reveals something important about gratitude.

The thoughtful response from “lucasnoahs" doesn't apply to everyone. After all, there are certainly a lot of people of any age group for whom acts of kindness and gestures of gratitude are “no problem."

Still, his message conveys an important idea that doing well for others does not have to be a grand gesture. It can be a simple act -- and the additional act of letting someone know that it's really no problem helps relieve any potential sense of debt or guilt the person receiving the gesture might otherwise take on.

Most of the time, doing the right thing is indeed no problem. In fact, it might be the solution to a lot of the daily problems we grapple with.


This article originally appeared six years ago.

via PipiLongstockings / Flickr

National treasure Dolly Parton recently turned 74 years old and is showing no signs of slowing down. In fact, she wants to celebrate her 75th birthday by appearing on the cover of Playboy magazine for the second time.

Her first appearance was in October 1978.

"I don't plan to retire. I just turned 74 and I plan to be on the cover of Playboy magazine again," she told "60 Minutes Australia." "See I did Playboy magazine years ago and I thought it'd be such a hoot if they'll go for it — I don't know if they will — if I could be on the cover again when I'm 75."


If Playboy decides to put Parton on its cover, at 75, she'd be the oldest woman to do so. Jane Seymour appeared on the cover of the iconic magazine at the age of 67 in 2018.

Who knows whether Playboy will be into the idea. The magazine has gone through some big changes since its founder Hugh Hefner died in 2017. The explosion of nude imagery online and the slow decline of the magazine industry has forced Playboy to rethink its business model.

It has also struggled to update its brand image in the new Millennium.

In 2015, the magazine stopped having nude women on the cover. In 2018, it brought the nude covers back. In 2019, it rebranded with a new team of Millennials in an attempt to stay relevant amid changing social norms surrounding the ideas of gender and sexuality.

The New York Times describes the new Playboy magazine as "a newer, woke-er, more inclusive Playboy."

What's more inclusive than featuring a 75-year-old on the cover?

via Dolly Parton.com

In 1978, Parton became the first country singer to appear on the cover of Playboy. But she did so with very specific parameters that didn't involve nudity.

"I have been asked, back in the day, but that was so totally not me. I would never do that… But that was a good article they ran in there, and it was just a fun thing to do," Parton says on her website. "That was just another way I was trying to market myself, at that time, to kinda get in the mainstream…"

She appeared in the magazine wearing the iconic bunny outfit that was a staple of the magazine.

Parton isn't afraid to show off her body in Playboy because she's still has her brassy, unflappable confidence bolstered by some help from medical professionals.

"I've had about all the nips and tucks I can have," Parton said. "The good part with me though, I have my own look. I look kind of cartoonish and cartoons don't really age that much."

Parton thinks she can still wear the bunny outfit, too. "My boobs are still the same!" she said.

Pink is a grade-A 100% certified badass. Full stop.

The multi-award winning (Grammys, Emmys, Brits, she's even got a couple of VMA Moon Men), best-selling, stadium-filling artist is a legend.

If you didn't bop to her songs in high school (I did!) or blast her anthem about not giving a **** and being a *************** rockstar from your open car windows, then you must watch her perform her own acrobatics at the Grammy Awards in 2009.


Even if you're not a fan of her music, it's easy to get behind someone who preaches self-love so consistently (she made a PowerPoint of her daughter's comment about feeling "ugly") and has no time for haters. She didn't take insults laying down when people came for her weight, or when she read mean tweets on "Jimmy Kimmel."

So when a Twitter troll came at her about "being old," you best believe she wasn't about to let that slide.

Pink gave a master class in how to respond to ageism.

Yesterday, a Twitter-user suggested that the 38-year-old artist might be past her prime.

While Pink's initial response was a little harsh, the artist then dropped some valuable knowledge about aging, and why it isn't something to be ashamed about.

All of us should embrace every line and wrinkle. Why? Because it means we're still out here, living, raising hell, and creating meaning out of this big old mess of a world.

The mean tweet once again reveals the immense pressure women everywhere are under "not to age."

While men are praised for looking "mature," "debonair," and "distinguished," as women age, the media and the fans criticize them for not doing it in a way that is deemed "appropriate."

As more people with platforms speak out about it, the more we can become aware of the toxic culture around women's worth, and what determines it, actually is.

In a perfect world, Pink wouldn't have had to drop this perfect response.

We're not there yet, but even simple clapback tweets are a step in the right direction.

Until the only questions asked about Pink and all women in the limelight are "Is she talented?" or "Is she rocking the arena?" or "Do you get entirely too emotional when that one song about 'giving just one reason' comes on the radio?," we'll cheers to this pop-punk goddess.

Plus, it's clear Pink's not slowing down anytime soon.

Image via Twitter.

Wrinkles and rolls tour here I come!

Melissa McCarthy is the latest cover girl for Glamour. And, per usual, the A-list actress is looking fab.

McCarthy's feature in the magazine's May Money issue is chock-full of great tidbits about her own financial struggles and successes.

The story gets real, laying out how McCarthy went from asking her parents for cash as a stand-up comic in her 20s to developing "fists of justice" at the negotiating table as one of Hollywood's highest paid artists. (Hell yes.)

But one particularly inspiring observation by McCarthy came when the star discussed the timing of her fame and fortune.


After years of gaining traction through smaller TV roles, the actress became the hilarious breakout star of 2011's "Bridesmaids" only after decades of struggle. Here's what she had to say about hustling to make ends meet in a daunting, cut-throat industry (emphasis added):

"When you spend 20 years working your butt off, you know yourself better. If you’re handed everything you want at 19 or 20, you may actually believe all of the people who are like, 'You’re amazing.' I think I would have been probably cuckoo [if I’d been successful] at 18. I think the best thing I could have done was struggle until I was 30. I always assume every job is my last. Twenty years of desperately trying to get a single job gets deep in your DNA."

Melissa McCarthy and her husband, Ben Falcone. Photo by Frazer Harrison/Getty Images.

OK, real talk. How refreshing was that to hear?

For many of us, "overnight success" at age 22... isn't a realistic thing. We have families to raise and bills to pay while perfecting our crafts and juggling multiple jobs — often, with little to no payoff.

Like McCarthy, we didn't peak at age 18. And that's OK.

Steve Carrell wasn't cast in "The Office" until he was 40. At an age when most people are gearing up for retirement, Colonel Sanders was franchising his very first Kentucky Fried Chicken. A producer in Baltimore once told a young Oprah Winfrey she was "unfit for television news" and gave her the boot.

And let's not forget about a woman named Amy Craton, who dropped out of college to raise her kids but decided to return to school at Southern New Hampshire University; she got her diploma last year, at age 94.

Dream big, work hard, and believe in yourself, kids — you do have it in you.