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Woman's math on when someone should be considered an adult makes a lot of sense

"Pretending that 18 year olds are adults is the biggest disservice to all of us collectively."

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Woman argues that you're not an adult until 36. It makes sense.

In America, 18 is the magic number that makes you an official adult. Seventeen year olds go to bed as a teenager still in need of adequate supervision and guidance only to wake up eight hours later a full blown adult ready to make all of their decisions unassisted. Of course this isn't developmentally true, most 18 year olds are still in high school and need just as much guidance as they did the day prior to this magical change. But this developmental reality isn't always respected by the law, some parents, or other adults.

The teens themselves consider themselves adults since that's the age everyone tells them means adulthood and most don't have the life experience to know any different. TikTok user Sam Kochman recently explained why she doesn't believe 18 year olds should be considered adults, and she makes some really valid points. The woman advocates for raising the age of what is considered "grown up" to 36, and while that might sound ridiculous, people agree with her reasoning.

"Pretending that eighteen year olds are adults is like the biggest disservice to all of us collectively, because 18 is zero," the woman argues.

gif of Andy Samberg saying "I'm an adult" in an SNL skit.Saturday Night Live Snl GIF by SeesoGiphy

The logic being that when you turn 18, you've had 18 years of childhood with zero years of adulthood so at 19 you're a one year old adult. According to Kochman, she wouldn't even start counting adult years until 22, likely due to the legal age to consume alcohol being 21. But for the sake of the national "congratulations you're an adult age," she starts with 18 as year zero of adulthood.

Whether you start adult years at 18 or 22, developmentally, a person's prefrontal cortex doesn't stop developing until they're between 25 to 26 years old. This means their decision making will likely be much more impulsive, less informed, and they'll take more risks, have difficulty planning, stronger emotional responses, and act without fully considering the consequences.

Kochman says, "At 36, then you're 18. Then...then you're what we all pretend you are at 18. Then you're an 18 year old adult. Do you know what I'm saying?"

gif of an older woman saying, "Welcome to being an adult. It sucks." Sucks Annie Potts GIF by CBSGiphy

People overwhelmingly agree with that logic, with one person writing, "This is such a good take. I’m 36 and I finally feel like a fully formed adult. YOU ARE SO RIGHT. My head is exploding rn."

One person says, "Being 25 you realize how young college kids are."

"6 months after I turned 18 I lost a (very toxic) friend who got mad at me for making a mistake because 'I'm a fully grown adult and I should know better' bro I was in high school 2 weeks ago what," someone shares.

Another person explains, "Literally!!! All we’ve known is school and then they just act like you’re ready for life and to be on your own cause you’re 18?!?!"

@samkochman 36 is 18. 36 is start of adult.
♬ original sound - sam

"This makes perfect sense. I had my daughter when I was biologically 19 and thought I was grown. Now she’s biologically 19 but she’s actually a baby - I couldn’t imagine her having a baby," one mom exclaims.

Someone else suggests, "18-25 should be called periadulthood like the phase pre-adulthood."

Of course, there were a few people who disagree with the take. But, of the ones who disagreed, there seemed to be a misunderstanding that doing adult things constituted adulthood. The commenters that agree, which is an overwhelming majority, are focused on brain development and the general feeling of being an adult without having to defer to others. The general consensus seems to be that treating an 18 year old like someone in their 30s isn't helpful and more grace should be extended to those just entering adulthood. What do you think? Should 18 year old teenagers be expected to be just as adult as someone much older?

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These 11 childhood cliches are still totally on point.

If we follow the voice from childhood still ringing in our heads, we might do better at adulting.

Did your parents set boundaries for you when you were a kid? Mine did.

But if you were anything like me as a kid, you questioned all of it. I wondered why I couldn't stay up all night at a sleepover, or why I couldn't eat a bowl of Fruit Loops at bedtime. (My mom always said, “You think you’re hungry, but you’re really just tired. Go to bed.” Thanks, Mom.)

Me and my mom. Photo courtesy of the author, used with permission.

Even if you come from a family that suffered from a lot of dysfunction (like mine) and your parents didn’t win “Discipliners of the Year,” I bet you still have some valuable lessons they taught you buried deep in your memory.

As I transition into adult life, I’m trying to learn how to set my own boundaries. Ironically, I’ve realized there are dozens of things I can learn about boundaries from my childhood — things that will help me live a fuller life as an adult.

Here's what I’m trying to remember in every part of my life, from work to home and everywhere in between:

1. Just because Julie gets to have it doesn’t mean I get to have it.

This rule used to apply to a new scooter with tassels or a new Game Boy. In adult life, I’ve learned that it’s more about wanting what other people have, like babies and functional families.

According to psychology professor and researcher Sonja Lyubomirsky, unhappy people compare themselves to others because they have bought into the idea that true happiness comes when our friends fail and we succeed. Comparison is a thief that will rob us of every ounce of happiness — if we let it.

2. Life isn’t fair.

Some people get spa memberships while others get eviction notices. Some people get Christmas bonuses while others get laid off. Some people get great health insurance that covers everything while others get bad health insurance that equals heaping piles of late bills. You get the point. Adulthood — and life — isn’t fair and balanced.

Image via iStock.

Slowly, I am learning to accept that we all taste a different flavor of pain and brokenness and heartbreak at different points in our lives. But I also won’t give up on fighting hard every day for equality in things that matter. I will speak up as the voice for people who don’t deserve their flavor of pain and injustice.

3. It’s OK to cry.

When my dad missed a cheerleading competition that I’d been practicing for all year and then my team lost, it solidified a very bad day, and my mom held me close and used her soft hands to wipe away and validate my tears.

In every moment when you feel the weight of life not being fair as an adult, it’s OK to cry. Life is life.

4. Family comes first.

As a kid, I remember waiting by the car in my party dress to drive to my friend’s birthday party, but all of the sudden our car needed to change routes to go visit my grandma in the hospital. Do you remember the tears from your childhood when you didn’t get what you wanted because family called and needed help? It’s rough, but it teaches you how to love.

Today, if my dad calls and he’s struggling with his addiction, I’ll answer the call — no matter what’s on my social calendar. If my uncle needs surgery, I’ll get on a plane and watch the clock tick with my family in the waiting room. Even when it means missing something important, I’ll fly to you. I’ll be there. Because I love you more than anything I think is bigger and better on my agenda.

5. Think before you speak.

When I’m on the phone with customer service complaining about the fourth failed attempt at delivering a new washing machine I purchased weeks ago, all of the rules of manners fly out the window. I want what I want when I want it. Now. Yesterday.

But what if that customer service representative just came into work after an all-nighter with a loved one who suffers from anxiety? I’m not exactly being very loving to a person who is really just exhausted. So maybe — just maybe — all the moms were right about this golden rule.

6. Eat ice cream for dinner.

Go big! Buy 20 different snacks from the vending machine. Totally go "Gilmore Girls" style: Just decide not to decide and try out all the assortments.

Image via iStock.

We all need days to relax from the routine and make a childish decision that throws out all attention to an adult budget. Do I need Cheez-Its and Sour Straws AND Oreos? Probably not. But I need a day where I get to be a kid again and follow mom’s advice to eat ice cream for dinner. (OK, she was probably just too tired to make dinner that night, but aren’t you too tired to make dinner too?)

7. Save the world.

My brother and I attended the low-income elementary school where my mom taught, even though we weren’t districted to go there. One day, my brother came home from school and asked why his friend always wore the same clothes every day. My mom tackled the tough questions head-on, and we went through our closets to anonymously donate clothes to our friends who needed help.

Where has this child-like enthusiasm for saving the world or just helping a friend gone? I want to open my eyes and ask hard questions, and remember why I cared.

8. Say you’re sorry.

I remember those forced awkward apologies when I said something sassy to a friend and then she tattled on me. We learn the script of apologies as a kid, but it took me a while to learn how and when to say it and mean it.

When my dad tried to say sorry for relapsing in his addiction, I didn’t know how to look him in the eye and accept his apology. When a friend told me why she felt I let her down, I didn’t suck it up and say I’m sorry. But I’m still trying. I want to be first to the “I’m sorry” line — not the person who waits for someone else to point out I owe them an apology. And when people I love are brave enough to apologize to me, I want the same kind of bravery to look up and listen.

9. Write “love” notes (not the mushy kind).

I’m convinced that 1. Life is really, really hard for everyone, and 2. We all need more love letters. My mom used to write me love notes every day on a napkin that she put in my lunch box.

Image via iStock.

Who in my life needs to know that I love them? Who needs a napkin every day as a reminder that someone in this big world sees them and hears them and knows them?

10. Talk it out (especially with bullies).

Me and my little-girl band of hair-pulling friends earned ourselves a weekly session on our school counselor’s couch. We learned the classic: “I feel [blank] when you [blank].” Really, we wasted hours bullying each other and then were forced to talk it out when it would have been easier to cross our arms and pout.

I know the takeaway here because life would be a whole lot easier if we just talked about it. But it’s not easy. In fact, I stubbornly would rather just keep avoiding hard conversations. However, I’m trying to swallow my fear and go to the hard places with people who hurt me, communicating when and how I feel unloved.

11. Mess up. Try again. Repeat.

Every day, I mess up and I do something (or many somethings) wrong. I hurt people’s feelings. I go down the wrong road. I shut down when I should listen. I lie or fabricate when I should tell the truth.

The good news is that we all make mistakes. When I say something sarcastic that comes out sounding rude, I’ll wake up and try again at this whole life-with-humans thing.

Our days of chore charts and bedtimes might have ended, but we can still learn how to play nice in the sandbox.

Image via iStock.

Rules and boundaries can help us live productive and fulfilling lives, just like the days mom proudly displayed our “Student of the Month” certificate on the fridge.

My parents used to tuck me in at night and send me off to school in the morning, always whispering “I love you.” I want to get back to my roots. I want to find my way back home — to the place where all the rules were made with love.

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5 hilarious comics that prove you can be a good parent and still act like a child.

When I was younger, I thought that when I became an adult, things would make more sense and life would be easier.

I believed this because I didn’t see adults having temper tantrums. I just assumed that, once people became adults, things got smoother. I assumed the world of chaos and confusion would magically dwindle and subside.

But my 18th birthday came and went, and the feeling of "adult" was nowhere to be found. Sure, I wasn’t having temper tantrums anymore (or should I say, too many temper tantrums), but my life still seemed chaotic and confusing.

So I decided that maybe it would happen when I was a parent — when I became a mom, I’d feel like an adult.

But again, my ideas dissolved as I attempted to parent using the recommended "shoulds" and "musts" of mainstream parenting books.

Sara Zimmerman/Unearthed Comics.

Eventually, I’ve come to realize that I’m just a big kid stuck in an adult’s body.

I always thought at some point my body AND mind would develop into a full-grown human who acted mature and could handle the world in both its glory and devastation (aka an "adult"), but that’s still not the case. And no, this doesn’t mean I am irresponsible. Yes, I love my daughter like any parent would.

It just means that I am constantly redefining what I feel it means for me to "adult" while parenting and simultaneously trying to NOT mess up too terribly.

Sara Zimmerman/Unearthed Comics.

To be honest, I sometimes wonder if life might be simpler for me if I did act like a "real adult."

You know, someone who acts more mature, dresses neatly, drives without blasting rock n’ roll, doesn’t cuss or dance like a goddess invoking earth spirits at outdoor music festivals, makes pretty casseroles and actually enjoys watching swim practice at overly stuffy chlorinated pools.

But, that’s not me.

Sara Zimmerman/Unearthed Comics.

As other moms make their homes spotless before parties, I shuffle junk into corners and throw decorative sheets over the piles.

As others make Pinterest-perfect hors d'oeuvres, I bring organic Fruity-O’s bracelets and bags of snacks laid out on a picnic blanket. As others talk about the weather, I’m asking what makes us feel alive and wondering, "Why we aren’t doing these things now!"

And between work, exercise, relationship building, and my own play, I dedicate that time for me and my daughter. This is time where, despite me not being that perfectly mature adult, I try to be present with just her, whether it’s in the sandbox, playing pretend, doing art, or just cuddling on the couch.

Though I probably "should" be teaching her how to cook a perfect lasagna and act politely, I’d much rather let her be 8 years old for a bit longer and teach her how to make that perfectly bizarre silly face or dance crazy to rock n’ roll or pretend we’re fairies in a forest, or explain how to properly wear underwear on her head as we fold the laundry.

Sara Zimmerman/Unearthed Comics.

In all this trying, my main goal is to parent the best I can while still remaining me, which means nope, I’m not a "real adult."

I am not perfect. And yep, there will be a lot of immaturity, silliness, and messing up while I try with my best intentions.

And, hopefully, just hopefully, my daughter will learn how to honor that incredible childlike innocence and playfulness by bringing it through her entire life, too, so she also can feel free in non-adulting as she makes waves in her world.

Sara Zimmerman/Unearthed Comics.

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These 5 money-saving details about your credit card are unforgettable.

These fine-print tips could help you better understand what you're signing up for.

When a shiny new credit card shows up in the mail, what's the first thing you do?

If you’re like most people, you activate it, peel off that sticker, and load it into your wallet like artillery in a spending cannon.

Welcome to adulthood! Image by Sean MacEntee/Flickr.

But what about all that other stuff that comes along with the card? Petite as they are, credit cards usually arrive in thick envelopes, jam-packed with all the information issuers have to disclose by law.

That, my friends, is your credit card agreement, and every time you swipe that cut of beveled plastic, you’re giving two thumbs up to everything therein.

During my first few years out of college, I had no idea what terms like "overdraft protection" or "cash advance" meant.

I paid plenty of fees as a result, some of which I got refunded by calling and asking nicely. But if I’d read and understood my credit card agreement, it would have saved me hours of frustration.

Recently the CARD Act outlawed a few of the worst practices that some credit card issuers use (things like "universal default" and "double-cycle billing"). But no matter what, you do need to know the nitty-gritty details of credit cards before you start swiping. Here are five areas of your credit card agreement that could throw you for a loop if you’re caught unaware.

1. Cash advances

First, you should definitely check out the Schumer box on your credit card agreement, which outlines stuff like annual percentage rate (APR), grace period, and annual fees (if applicable). That’s a good place to start. (If you're like me and you’ve already tossed your credit card agreement, you also can pull up a copy online, either on the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau’s credit card agreement database or on your card issuer’s website.)

Photo by _Dinkel_/Flickr

But here’s something I found out after I’d had a credit card for a while: Many issuers charge a transaction fee for cash advances on a credit card, plus interest that starts immediately, not after a grace period. "Even if you did read all the fine print, that’s something you might not understand,” says Beverly Harzog, credit expert and author of "The Debt Escape Plan: How to Free Yourself from Credit Card Balances, Boost Your Credit Score, and Live Debt-Free."

Unfortunately, it’s easy to take a cash advance without even realizing it. For instance, if you overpay your bill and transfer the extra money back to your bank account (as I once did) or you mistakenly use your credit card instead of a debit card at an ATM.

2. Late payments

Grace periods can vary from card to card and not every card has one. Paying your bill late not only damages your credit score, but if you pay more than 60 days late, it could trigger a higher penalty APR. “You could end up with that penalty rate retroactively against your whole balance,” Harzog says.

Plus, your issuer could revoke any rewards you’ve earned (buh-bye, Bermuda trip!). "If you do make a late payment, call the issuer right away and let them know what happened," Harzog says. "If you’ve got a good payment history, they might not do anything to your rewards."

3. Fees on top of fees

You probably know you’ll be charged interest on any unpaid balances. But what about things like balance transfers, foreign transactions, and overdraft protection? Alas, you don’t even have to leave your home country to get hit with a foreign transaction fee, I’ve learned. If you’re ordering online from a company that uses a foreign bank, the fee may still apply and it typically adds 1-3% to your transaction.

Photo by wsssst/Flickr.

With a prepaid or secured credit card, your issuer may also charge you a monthly fee and other fees that you may not expect unless you read the agreement closely. Knowledge is power, people!

4. Mandatory arbitration

If something goes wrong, you can always take them to court, right? Power to the people! But not so fast ... some credit card agreements actually strip you of this right, so if something goes wrong, you can’t sue them in court. Instead, a third-party arbiter would rule on your dispute and their decision would be binding.

In some cases, you even have to pay filing fees if you initiate the claim. Total lame sauce!

5. Terms are subject to change

Now that you’ve untangled the terms of your credit card agreement, here’s the kicker: Almost everything is subject to change. That’s right: card issuers can devalue your rewards, increase your APR (although usually not in the first year you have the card), or remove perks like warranty coverage or travel accident insurance.

For most changes, they must notify you in writing, so don’t toss any communications from your credit card issuer before reading it thoroughly. If you have a card with a low introductory APR, the card issuer doesn’t have to notify you when the introductory period ends and a higher APR kicks in automatically.

The bottom line: Read your credit card terms carefully, no matter how boring they are.

That's true adulting. “If you don’t understand something, call the company and ask,” Harzog says. “If the customer rep doesn’t understand, ask to speak to their manager.”

It's better to spend a few minutes familiarizing yourself with the agreement and to walk away armed with knowledge than find out the hard way about late payment fees or penalty APRs. Take it from someone who's been there.

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