upworthy

adhd

via BiancaMcIntyre.com and Canva/Photos

Brian a McIntyre and a man who doesn't understand women with autism.

It’s a common fact that good-looking people have a lot of advantages, whether it’s being seen as smarter and more capable or having a much easier time on dating apps. Good-looking people also have it easier in the workplace, where they are more likely to receive raises and promotions and be listened to in meetings.

It’s taboo for good-looking people to complain about the problems that come with being attractive. Still, Bianca McIntyre, a woman in Australia, says that when you’re “conventionally attractive” and have autism, it can cause potential romantic partners to have disturbing reactions. This can lead the autistic person to become hyper-fixated on their appearance out of fear that, if not for their looks, they’d be ostracized.

McIntyre is a borderline personality disorder specialist who has the disorder and was diagnosed with ADHD and autism later in life. She uses her lived experience to help people through one-on-one sessions, short-form content, educational talks, webinars, and videos. She explained the trouble that happens when you’re conventionally attractive and the person you're dating discovers you are “weird” in a viral TikTok video with over 1.4 million views.

@putting_the_b_in_bpd

Have you had this experience? Have you taken time to unpack the shame that may have come from this type of environment? 💜 #asd #autism #austisminwomen #audhd #puttingthebinbpd #bipittyfriends #nd #neurodivergent #attractiveness

“When you grow up, and you find out that people consider you conventionally attractive, you have an ability to attract people. But then you get to see in real-time as they viscerally find out how weird you are,” she says in the video. “I used the word viscerally because it's this almost cognitive dissonance that happens in real-time, in physical distance, where they can't comprehend how you look a certain way, but you don't behave the way that a person who looks like that should behave.”

She adds that when potential romantic partners go through this experience, they get very angry because they feel like they have been fooled. This can lead to disturbing behavior, such as bullying, and eventually, they leave her. After repeatedly suffering this treatment, McIntyre became fixated on her looks to compensate for her unique personality. “You place all of your value as a human being on what you look like. That's a really difficult thing. That's a really exhausting mindset,” she continues.

adhd and autism, autistic women, attractive women, pretty privilege, depression, shameA woman is upset in her car.via Canva/Photos

Another problem that women McIntyre works with often face is a cycle of hypersexualization, where autistic women find themselves in compromising situations they wouldn’t have entered if they had a stronger sense of self. This dangerous cycle can lead to bouts of shame and depression and lead to sexual victimization.

Some may have a problem with McIntyre explaining the drawbacks of being “conventionally attractive,” but she isn’t denying the advantages. In the video, she understands that speaking about being good-looking is taboo and that there are “inherent positives” to being attractive. But ultimately, she made the video to open a dialog with other women who have struggled with the same issue, especially those who are young.

adhd and autism, autistic women, attractive women, pretty privilege, depression, shameA woman upset on her bed.via Canva/Photos

“I want you to know that you're not alone, and more importantly, if you are a younger autistic woman and you find yourself in this situation, in this headspace, that ‘I am pretty and that is worth more than my personality. My personality is weird, I'm a weird person, but at least I'm conventionally attractive,’” she said. “I really want you to understand that your inherent value does not revolve around whether you can attract, entertain or arouse those around you. Your inherent value comes from being a human being.”

Mental Health

Do you have RSD? How to combat the rejection disorder that many unknowingly live with

Everything doesn't have to be taken personally but RSD may make you believe it does.

Many people live with RSD but have no idea, this can help

RSD is a disorder that many still don't know exists, even though they may be impacted by it personally or know someone who is. The acronym stands for Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria and while it's not yet formally recognized by the American Psychiatric Association, many clinicians treat clients who display the symptoms.

RSD typically impacts people with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder and Autism Spectrum Disorder to varying degrees. It's called a dysphoria because in involved perceived rejection which oftentimes results in extreme feelings of unease. The rejection isn't always happening but a person with RSD has a heightened sensitivity to being rejected so until they receive reassurance, they can become tearful or anxious.

During a moment of RSD someone may cry, tremble, breathe heavily or even have a full blown panic attack at the rejection or fear of rejection. The person that might have triggered the response likely never witnesses the full reaction as the initial response can look like anger or suddenly going silent. So what triggers someone's RSD? It's not always rejection in the traditional sense.

Pop Tv No GIF by Schitt's CreekGiphy

Cherry, a mom with RSD shares a video of what it looks like when she's struggling with the disorder and things that can trigger it for her.

"This is what rejection sensitivity dysphoria (rsd) looks like: you shake, you sweat, you cry and you can't think of anything but the perceived or real rejection/judgement. This happens every time you feel judged, disliked, excluded, rejected, disagreed with or disapproved of causing an intense fear of rejection," Cherry shares via text overlay before showing how badly her hands are trembling.


@cherry.adhd this was hard in so many different ways. 1 to film and edit but 2 to experience yet again. this is very vulnerable but I hope posting it will make some of you feel less alone and hopefully one step closer to healing and feeling better because I know you've got this. you deserve to love yourself regardless of what other people think ❤️ #adhdinwomen #rsd #rejectionsensitivedysphoria #adhdrsd #adhdmentalhealth ♬ Escapism. - Super Sped Up - RAYE

Because people who live with RSD feel rejection so strongly, they can start to avoid interactions with others in an attempt to avoid rejection. To outside eyes, this may appear to be social anxiety or introversion, but in reality many crave connection with others but are afraid they may be rejected.

Avoiding interacting with other people doesn't always end at social interactions with friends, this can also impact jobs, dating or communicating with other parents if the person has children. But avoidance isn't the only response people with RSD have. They can also become overly accommodating, otherwise known as "people pleasers." In order to avoid the sting of rejection, some people with the condition will work really hard to do things that make other people happy with them even if it's to their own detriment.

The Office I Give Up GIFGiphy

They can develop low self-esteem, an inferiority complex, perfectionism and negative self-talk. This disorder is suspected to be genetic and neurologically linked to ADHD, it can be compounded upon by a buildup of feelings of rejection from childhood. The overcorrection of behaviors that are typical of children with undiagnosed or untreated ADHD. Kids with ADHD can also experience painful rejection from their peers who deem their behaviors "weird" or "rude," like the constant need to move or excessive verbal interruptions.

Playing Happy Children GIF by MOODMANGiphy

Children can internalize the constant correction from caregivers and the negative response from peers as rejection to natural parts of themselves. These small moments continue to add up over a person's lifetime which can add to symptoms of RSD as an adult. But there are a few things people can try on their own to reduce or shorten their symptoms.

1. Therapy

Individual therapy with a therapist trained in treating people with ADHD can help you develop skills to use in the moment. Don't be afraid to shop around to find he right fit for you.

2. Grounding exercises

When you're experiencing moments of RSD, your body feels very dysregulated. Try doing box breathing to help calm your nervous system. You do that by breathing in through your nose for four counts, hold for four, then out through your mouth for four counts. Repeat as often as you need in order to feel regulated.

Lay Down Round Table GIF by DiscipleGiphy

3. Thought stopping

Thought stopping can come in many forms, some people like to visualize a stop sign while others use a stimuli like the snapping of a rubber band on their wrist. This helps to break the negative thought pattern giving you time to utilize a coping skill.

4. Positive self-talk

The best way to combat negative-self talk is to actively shift it to positive self-talk. If your brain is saying everyone hates you, drown it out by pointing out how likable you are. It sounds and feels silly at first but it's effective.

5. Ask

If you just can't stop ruminating on if someone is upset with you or is no longer interested in being your friend, you can take a deep breath and ask. Will it be scary? Yes. Are you already holding back tears from the feeling of rejection that may or may not have occurred? If the answer is yes, asking will give you a definitive answer. Have ice cream and tissues on standby, but chances are you won't need them.

This article was written by Jacalyn Wetzel, Licensed Clinical Social Worker and practicing therapist.

Woman recreates "Inside Out" from a neurodivergent standpoint.

Remember the hit Pixar movie Inside Out? Of course you do! It resonated with fans of all ages and the recent sequel, Inside Out 2, made just as big a splash after its June 2024 release. If you're not familiar with the films, they're about personified emotions in a young girl's head that allow the audience to see who each emotion is, what they're thinking, and how they work as the protagonist (Riley) grows up. It's a really sweet, funny, and deeply emotional concept that many connect with. But in February 2023, a woman who goes by Georgia Productions on YouTube took that concept and decided to recreate it using different types of neurodivergent diagnoses and features.

In the video, Georgia plays all of the characters who all interact with each other as they work on controlling what the human they're inside does. The characters are "General Thoughts," "Dyslexia," "ADHD," "Sensory Issues," "OCD" and "Anxiety."

Georgia is attempting to make dinner, but it's a pretty intense process with all of these characters getting in the way, and while General Thoughts attempts to keep everyone on track, it...uh...doesn't work out so well.

Watching how Anxiety and OCD feed into one another while ADHD drives just about everybody to the point of dysregulation is a pretty accurate portrayal of what it's like to have "neurospicy" tendencies. Commenters applauded Georgia on the accuracy and felt seen by the creative display of what it's like to live with neurodivergence.

"Omg I’m neurodivergent and I can’t describe how relatable this is both me and my mum are and we sat down and watched it together and I don’t think I’ve ever seen something more relatable xx thank you for doing things like this xx," Estella Sylvester wrote.

"As a person with anxiety, OCD, and PTSD this video made me tear up. The accurate acknowledgment of conditions that are so stigmatized or romanticized means an indescribable amount to me, especially coming from a creator I've followed since I was a kid. We're not defined by our conditions, but they follow us through every moment of every day, and that's okay. Thank you for this Georgia, we love you <3," Elle commented.

"I have autism and ADHD and my brain is literally like this... I always thought that no one would understand me. This video means everything to me and I'm so happy and relieved to know that I am not alone. Thank you and I love you Georgia," Tess Sexton wrote.

If you're neurodivergent, watch the video below to see how well Georgia portrayed neurodiversity. If you're not neurodivergent, check out the video to get the inside scoop on how neurodivergent brains work. You may find it fascinating.

This article originally appeared two years ago.

A mother is shocked by her daughter's newfound artistic talents.

One of the big myths surrounding ADHD medication is that it turns kids into “zombies” who lose their personality, creativity and emotions. According to an article reviewed by clinical expert Roy Boorady, MD, ADHD medications should not change a child’s personality. “If a child taking a stimulant seems sedated or zombie-like, or tearful and irritable, it usually means that the dose is too high and the clinician needs to adjust the prescription to find the right dose,” the article says.

ADHD is caused by a lack of the neurotransmitter dopamine, which plays a significant role in attention and focus. When someone with ADHD takes a stimulant such as Ritalin or Adderall, their brain reaches the dopamine level of someone who doesn't have ADHD. Child Mind warns that if a child has a dramatic personality swing after taking ADHD medication, the dosage may be too high.

A recent video on TikTok by a mother and musician named Harlie, shows the dramatic effect that can happen when a child takes ADHD medication and can finally concentrate on their art. “I need to show you something that has been just been absolutely crazy,” Harlie said in a video with over 1.1 million views.

@thisisharlie

Has anyone had this happen to them or their kids? Like why did my daughter’s drawings change this much after adhd meds? #adhdtiktok #adhdmedication #adhdartist #neurodivergent #neurospicy

Harlie then flipped through a book of art that her daughter made before starting ADHD medication. She referred to it as "standard kid drawings" of shapes and a flower in sunlight. But then, after taking 10 mg of Vyvanse for four days, Harlie couldn't believe her new drawings that closely resembled classic Japanese anime characters. Harlie told Upworthy she had been a fan of Japanese art since she was 5 but had just now had the concentration to create it herself.

"A switch flipped in her brain," a shocked Harlie said. "You just don't go from like that to this. Is this normal?" she asked her followers. “This is the first time she’s ever been able to show a drawing and not have someone ask ‘What did you draw?’ she told Upworthy. “So she’s very excited that commenters were recognizing the characters.”

In a follow-up video, Harlie explained that she put a lot of thought into the decision to put her daughter on ADHD medications. A big reason for her trying the medication was to hopefully overcome the disorder. “After doing more research there are multiple studies out there that are showing that early intervention actually helps correct brain development,” she said. “So if we get her on these medications now, there is a percent chance that she can grow out of it.”

@thisisharlie

Replying to @hi_sma here’s a before & after of her handwriting, as well as symptoms and why we chose to medicate! ♥️ #adhdtiktok #adhdmedication #neurodivergent #neurospicy #adhdmom

She added that when people start ADHD medications as children, they have a lower chance of developing substance abuse and that the medications expand life expectancy.

Ultimately, the final decision was her daughter’s. “I am a very firm believer that this should be her decision. Her dad and I have sat with her and we've had conversations about how she can expect to see a lot of positive feedback," Harlie said. "We talked about how her friends might be complimenting her being able to sit still. We talked about how TikTok is complimenting her drawing abilities now and we also talked about how none of that should be a reason to stay on the medication. We are raising a happy kid and not a productive kid.”