adam sandler daughter speech

Sandler first explained that his daughters found it “rude” that he was “too f—king tired” to write his own speech, so they would offer their services. Of course, Sandler agreed, since it would be nice to see them “doing something other than watching YouTube or going to f—king Lululemon every f—king weekend.”

Reading the entire thing as his daughters requested—in the “goofy Southern accent you do all your dumb speeches in”—Sandler struggled not to split at the seams.

Full video is below, but the speech starts around the 6:39 mark:

He managed to gracefully thank the “well-dressed dignitaries, highly educated hipsters and various other plus-ones of the Gotham Awards,” but completely lost it after having to say, “It means a lot to him seeing how most of the awards on his trophy shelf are shaped like popcorn buckets, blimps or fake mini-Oscars that say 'Father of the Year,' which he sadly purchased himself while wandering in a self-pitying fog through the headshops of Times Square.” Wow. Shots fired!

Things only got more brutal as they reviewed “Daddy’s silly film career,” which apparently was formed by "two guiding principles: people in prison need movies too and TBS needs content.”

Though Sunny and Sadie were bummed to not be there at the awards, they informed the audience that they would be at home enjoying all the things they weren’t normally allowed to do, the most daring activity being to "laugh out loud at Ben Stiller movies.”

"The last time Daddy caught us chuckling away at the ‘Meet the Parents’ trilogy,” they teased, “he immediately stormed into the room he calls 'The Screaming Room,' which we just call the shower, and bellowed out the phrase, 'Only the Sandman makes people laugh! F—k every other comedian!'"

Sandler finally dropped the accent after the speech was complete, but didn't leave before thanking his wife, whom his daughter thinks is more deserving of a lifetime achievement award for “putting up with daddy and his crazy f—king mood swings all these years.” Sandler concurred.