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The surprising history behind 9 of everyone's favorite Christmas songs

What do you mean "Jingle Bells" was originally a THANKSGIVING song?!

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Photo credit: Canva

Even if we've heard them a million times, there's still something new to learn and appreciate.

Even the Grinchiest among us probably has a Christmas song that lifts their spirits. After all, we’ve got so much more than traditional carols now—virtually every genre has a tune dedicated to the holiday, religious or otherwise.

In fact, as of 2019 there were an estimated 9,274 songs with the word “Christmas” in the title. And that’s obviously not counting the songs that don’t contain the word “Christmas” but are still very much Christmas songs, like "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” and "Frosty the Snowman.”

But did you know that many well known Christmas songs weren’t Christmas songs at all? Or that some have very close ties to war history? Or that some didn’t even become famous until many years later?

Read below for some pretty fascinating stories behind the songs that usher us into those holiday feels…some as early as Oct 25th…

"Jingle Bells"

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Believe it or not, this festive, well-known Christmas staple was originally written to be sung on Thanksgiving. James Lord Pierpont composed the song, originally named ‘The One Horse Open Sleigh,’ for his Thanksgiving Sunday school class in 1850, so it makes sense that Pierpont’s lyrics contain zero mention of Christmas. They do however celebrate the New England sleigh races that were popular in the era (which is what the jingling bells refer to), and even involve a high-speed crash. Exciting!

Decades later in the 1940s, Bing Crosby removed some of Pierpont’s lyrics, renamed the song ‘Jingle Bells’ and transformed it into a Christmastime hit.

"Silent Night"

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

The year was 1816, not long after the 12 year Napoleonic wars had taken their toll. A young priest in Austria named Joseph Mohr went for a walk seeking inspiration for poetic verses to convey to a traumatized and poverty-stricken congregation that God was still there. As he looked out over the quiet, peaceful winter-laden town, Mohr got his wish.

And then on Christmas Eve in 1818, it was performed for the first time in an Austrian village—a simple acoustic set, played by Mohr and a friend who helped him arrange the music. ‘Silent Night Unplugged,” if you will. It was immediately well received, and quickly traveled throughout northern Europe thanks to traveling folk singers.

Cut to Christmas Truce of 1914 at the height of World War I, when fighting was temporarily suspended along several fronts in Europe so soldiers on both sides could tune their radios to hear Ernestine Schumann Heinke, a beloved Austrian opera star, perform the song. The song’s message of seeking peace even during times of great suffering probably never rang more true.

"Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer"

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Listen, we know that capitalism has its hold on Christmas. So it’s probably not the biggest surprise that this lovely ditty about misfit cervids was actually created by a corporation.

Robert L. May, a copywriter for Montgomery Ward, was tasked to come up with a children’s storybook that could be sold at Christmas. May, who happened to be a bit of an outcast himself, based much of the book on his own experience of being teased, as well as the classic Ugly Duckling story. According to TIME, the idea almost got shelved, primarily because a focus group was concerned the red nose had “connotations of alcoholism.”

And yet, it was indeed published, and became a bestseller. But it wouldn’t truly become world famous until May's brother-in-law, Johnny Marks, adapted the story into a song. The song was first introduced live on New York Radio in 1949, then was sung by singing cowboy star Gene Autry, and quickly became the first number one song of the 1950s.

Perhaps most important of all, TIME reports that while the success of Rudolph helped May get out of serious debt and put his children through college, he was also grateful to have created something that taught children “tolerance and perseverance can overcome adversity.”

“Christmas Rappin’”

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Not only did Robert “Rocky” Ford’s idea for a holiday rap song become a Christmas classic, it also helped legitimize hip-hop as a genre. At the time of its debut, 1979, virtually no one even knew what rap was. But once the song achieved crazy commercial success, the industry finally took rap and hip-hop seriously.

The song was performed by Kurtis Blow, who, after the song took off, received a full album contract from Mercury Records, making him the first rapper to land a major label album deal. He later released “The Breaks,” which became the first rap song to go gold. And the rest is music history.

“Feliz Navidad”

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Christmas can be a time for homesickness, and that was exactly what José Feliciano was feeling in 1970 as he was stuck in a recording studio during the holidays. He longed to celebrate Christmas Eve, aka Noche Buena, with his brothers, eating traditional Puerto Rican foods, drinking rum, and going caroling. In an effort to feel less lonely, he came up with the upbeat and jovial "Feliz Navidad.” Knowing English stations might not play the song with only Spanish lyrics, he added translated lines, making it the timeless, cross cultural hit we love today.

“Carol of the Bells”

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Again, this popular tune, which is actually a centuries old Ukrainian folk song, was meant for a different holiday—New Year's.

Originally titled “Shchedryk,” derived from a Ukrainian word meaning “bountiful,” the four-note melody tells the story of a swallow flying into a household to proclaim the year of abundance that a family will have. It was one of many well-wishing tunes sung in many Ukrainian villages on Jan. 13 (New Year’s Eve on the Julian calendar), usually by adolescent girls going house to house in celebration of the new year in exchange for baked goods or other treats.

Then, in 1916, Ukrainian composer Mykola Leontovich used the melody to create a song for a Christmas concert, during a time of political upheaval for the country. Leontovich’s creation was hailed a masterpiece. And in 1918, when Ukraine declared independence from the Russian Empire, the song was also used as a diplomatic tool by the newly formed Ukrainian government, which sent a choir of 100 singers on a European tour to sing Ukrainian songs and promote Ukrainian identity around the world.

This of course included the United States, where the song was first performed to a sold-out audience in Carnegie Hall Oct. 5, 1921. When American choir director and arranger Peter Wilhousky eventually he was of bells. So in 1936 he wrote new lyrics and titled it "Carol of the Bells.”

In a time when Ukraine yet again fights for its cultural identity, this one feels pretty poignant to know.

“White Christmas”

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Crazy to think that this biggest-selling holiday track of all time (not to mention biggest-selling song ever, according to Guinness World Records), initially performed poorly.

It is said that songwriter Irving Berlin, who lost his son on Christmas Day, channeled some of the heartache he felt after visiting his grave each year as he wrote what was supposed to be a song for a Broadway revue that never happened. It did end up making its first appearance in the 1942 musical film Holiday Inn, starring Bing Crosby and Fred Astaire.

At first, "White Christmas" didn’t perform as well as "Be Careful, It’s My Heart," another tune in the movie, but its melancholy lyrics perfectly captured the longing felt by soldiers in World War II, who flooded the Armed Forces Network with requests.

"White Christmas" would end up earning Berlin his first Oscar for Best Original Song in 1943 and changing Christmas music forever, establishing now steep themes of home and nostalgia. It also revealed the huge potential market for secular Christmas songs.

“Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)”

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Written by Phil Spector, Ellie Greenwich, and Jeff Barry and performed by Darlene Love, this doo-wop holiday song had the ill fortune of being released on November 22, 1963—the same day President John F. Kennedy was assassinated. As Spector said a half-century later. “No one was celebrating anything. There really was not a Christmas that year.” Both the song and the entire album were temporarily pulled from stores.

“Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)” remained in obscurity until the 1980s, when Love once again performed it—and brought the house down—on David Letterman. This started off a tradition that lasted until Christmas 2014, as Letterman retired the next May. Still, Love continued the tradition on The View, which gave the song its all-time chart peak, breaking into Billboard’s Top 20.

“All I Want for Christmas Is You”

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Can you even write about Christmas songs without covering this one? We think not.

Surprisingly, Mariah Carey was at first hesitant to even create the song that would end up making her Mother Christmas, since she was concerned that a seasonal album would get her written off as a singer past her prime and alienate her hip-hop fans.

“Obviously, I couldn’t have been more wrong,” she would later tell Entertainment Weekly.

Carey made several nods to song producers of Christmas past with this modern day holiday staple, borrowing some of the styles of Phil Spector’s already established seasonal standards and giving herself a Ronette makeover for the music video.

In her 2020 memoir, The Meaning of Mariah Carey, the singer revealed that growing up, her holiday experiences weren’t actually that merry, and thus partially wrote “All I Want for Christmas Is You” as a way to heal her inner child and honor her “early fantasies of family and friendship.”

There you have it folks. So many of these beloved pieces of art were written as a way to find joy no matter what, which in itself is a Christmas lesson, isn’t it? May your holiday listening be that much more impactful knowing how they came to be in the first place.

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5 wholesome things to do this weekend: Stream this movie, make your own bucket list, and more

Easy and fun things you can do this weekend that will make your life (and the people around you!) happier

Blink, a new documentary from NatGeo, is now streaming on Disney+ and Hulu.

True

It’s December, and we’re all currently in the thick of it: Wrapping presents, baking cookies, and scouring the toy aisles for that must-have gift of the season. But in the middle of all the holiday chaos, it’s easy to lose sight on what the season is really about: making meaningful memories with our loved ones.

From volunteering to building a bucket list to watching maybe the most uplifting documentary we’ve ever seen, we’ve put together five simple and wholesome activities that will leave you and the entire family a little more connected and a whole lot happier. Ready to make memories that last? Let’s dive in.

Make a difference close to home

littlefreepantry.org

A 2023 analysis from the journal Frontiers in Psychology showed that people who regularly volunteered in their communities had greater self-esteem, more self-reported happiness, and a greater sense of personal fulfillment. (Um, yes, please.) If that sounds like something you want to experience as well, then you're in luck: There's no better time to lend a helping hand than during the holiday season. You could shovel a neighbor's driveway, buy presents for kids in need, or—who knows? You might want to be super ambitious, like setting up a food pantry or volunteering as an "interim parent" like this woman, who cares for babies and young children while their adoptions are being finalized. The sky is the limit.

Watch this feel-good, family flick

Get the tissues ready: This is maybe the most uplifting documentary you’re ever going to see. The film, “Blink,” follows a family with four children, three of whom have a rare genetic disease called retinitis pigmentosa (RP). With RP, the cells of the retina slowly die off, leaving a person with tunnel vision that shrinks until they are nearly—or totally—blind.

The parents, Edith Lemay and Sébastien Pelletier, decide to gift their children with incredible sights and experiences so that they can treasure them forever, even after their sight is gone. The film follows the Pelletier family as they make a bucket list and set out on a year-long journey across 24 countries to make some incredible memories.

For some seriously wholesome holiday goodness, stream "Blink," now on Disney+ and Hulu.

Make your very own bucket list

person writing bucket list on bookPhoto by Glenn Carstens-Peters on Unsplash

To fulfill their dreams, the Pelletier family in the National Geographic documentary "Blink" created a bucket list with every kind of memory they wanted to fulfill, from seeing a sunrise on a mountain to "drink[ing] juice on a camel." (Because, sure. Why not?) Spend some time thinking of your own dreams you'd like to fufill. This is the perfect activity if you're looking for something creative and family-friendly—just gather the kids around for a brainstorming sesh and let the ideas fly. You might not actually complete all of these items (or any of them), but dreaming them up and spending time together is half the fun.

Spread some holiday cheer


Whatever your family’s ages and interests, there are a thousand different ways to spread holiday cheer this season, whether you’re singing Christmas carols door-to-door or just exchanging a warm holiday greeting. If you need inspiration, look no further than John Reichart, 74, who (just like the Pelletier kids) wants to create new memories for his family while he's still able to. Following his wife Joan’s Alzheimer’s diagnosis, Reichart set out to decorate every house in their neighborhood with lights and decorations purchased out of his own pocket. Simply inspirational.

Make someone's life a little easier. 

I need this goober in my life.
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The holiday season is all about giving and togetherness, but let’s be real, it’s no easy feat. Sometimes we can get stressed, overwhelmed, and exhausted. One surefire way to make this world a better place is to think of ways to make someone’s life just a little easier, like this mom who picks up her teenager’s bedroom every morning after he goes to school. You could even send a note of encouragement to someone who needs it, or bake some treats and leave them out for a hangry delivery driver.

It’s probably easier than you think to spread the love and leave the world a little happier than you found it.

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Mom shocked by how daughter's artistic talents completely changed after 4 days of ADHD meds

"Has anyone had this happen to them or their kids?"

via ThisIsHarlie (used with permission)

A mother is shocked by her daughter's newfound artistic talents.

One of the big myths surrounding ADHD medication is that it turns kids into “zombies” who lose their personality, creativity and emotions. According to an article reviewed by clinical expert Roy Boorady, MD, ADHD medications should not change a child’s personality. “If a child taking a stimulant seems sedated or zombie-like, or tearful and irritable, it usually means that the dose is too high and the clinician needs to adjust the prescription to find the right dose,” the article says.

ADHD is caused by a lack of the neurotransmitter dopamine, which plays a significant role in attention and focus. When someone with ADHD takes a stimulant such as Ritalin or Adderall, their brain reaches the dopamine level of someone who doesn't have ADHD. Child Mind warns that if a child has a dramatic personality swing after taking ADHD medication, the dosage may be too high.

A recent video on TikTok by a mother and musician named Harlie, shows the dramatic effect that can happen when a child takes ADHD medication and can finally concentrate on their art. “I need to show you something that has been just been absolutely crazy,” Harlie said in a video with over 1.1 million views.

@thisisharlie

Has anyone had this happen to them or their kids? Like why did my daughter’s drawings change this much after adhd meds? #adhdtiktok #adhdmedication #adhdartist #neurodivergent #neurospicy

Harlie then flipped through a book of art that her daughter made before starting ADHD medication. She referred to it as "standard kid drawings" of shapes and a flower in sunlight. But then, after taking 10 mg of Vyvanse for four days, Harlie couldn't believe her new drawings that closely resembled classic Japanese anime characters. Harlie told Upworthy she had been a fan of Japanese art since she was 5 but had just now had the concentration to create it herself.

"A switch flipped in her brain," a shocked Harlie said. "You just don't go from like that to this. Is this normal?" she asked her followers. “This is the first time she’s ever been able to show a drawing and not have someone ask ‘What did you draw?’ she told Upworthy. “So she’s very excited that commenters were recognizing the characters.”

In a follow-up video, Harlie explained that she put a lot of thought into the decision to put her daughter on ADHD medications. A big reason for her trying the medication was to hopefully overcome the disorder. “After doing more research there are multiple studies out there that are showing that early intervention actually helps correct brain development,” she said. “So if we get her on these medications now, there is a percent chance that she can grow out of it.”

@thisisharlie

Replying to @hi_sma here’s a before & after of her handwriting, as well as symptoms and why we chose to medicate! ♥️ #adhdtiktok #adhdmedication #neurodivergent #neurospicy #adhdmom

She added that when people start ADHD medications as children, they have a lower chance of developing substance abuse and that the medications expand life expectancy.

Ultimately, the final decision was her daughter’s. “I am a very firm believer that this should be her decision. Her dad and I have sat with her and we've had conversations about how she can expect to see a lot of positive feedback," Harlie said. "We talked about how her friends might be complimenting her being able to sit still. We talked about how TikTok is complimenting her drawing abilities now and we also talked about how none of that should be a reason to stay on the medication. We are raising a happy kid and not a productive kid.”

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How Matilda Gage, history's long lost suffragist, inspired the witches of Oz

Her radical views shaped the way we view witches today—and we don't even know it.

Universal Pictures/YouTube, Wikipedia

A feminist icon deemed too radical for society? Sounds pretty witchy, if you ask us.

Part of what makes L. Frank Baum’s The Wonderful Wizard of Oz, such an enduring story—providing inspiration for countless other books, movies, television shows, musicals and beyond—is its compelling, dynamic, self-possessed female characters…which is all the more impressive when you remember that women weren’t even allowed to vote at the time of Baum writing it.

And yes, while the kind, compassionate, and brave Dorothy is certainly compelling in her own right, we all know that it’s the witches that really leave us spellbound. Both Glinda of the North and the Wicked Witch of the West (or Galinda and Elphaba, for Wicked fans) have given us a lasting image for the complex theme of good and evil.

via GIPHY

But very few know that these witches, or our current views of witches in general, might have never been conjured up in the first place, had it not been for an unsung hero of the 19th-century women’s rights movement, who just so happened to be Baum’s mother-in-law—Matilda Electa Joslyn Gage.

Gage was a suffragette who co-founded National Woman Suffrage Association along with Susan B. Anthony and Elizabeth Cady Stanton. However, unlike her well-known cohorts, Gage was much more outwardly combative. In 1886 she famously showed up to the unveiling of the Statue of Liberty on a cattle barge with a megaphone, shouting that it was “a gigantic lie, a travesty and a mockery” to portray liberty as a woman when actual American women had so few rights.

Unlike Anthony Stanton, Gage also supported the 15th Amendment, and sheltered runaway slaves, and became a beloved ally to local Indigenous tribes, who adopted her as one of their own.

Gage would eventually cut ties with Anthony and Stanton after they aimed to get the support of the Woman’s Christian Temperance Union, an organization which wasn’t as much fighting for women’s rights as it was trying to dismantle the separation of church and state and make America a “dry and moral” country. And instead, she created a new group called the National Women’s Liberal Union.

During her time as an activist, Gage railed against religious leaders and politicians for oppressing women by accusing them of heresy and witchcraft. This is a theme most of us are extremely familiar with, thanks to her.

While writing her revolutionary manifesto Woman, Church and State: The Original Exposé of Male Collaboration Against the Female Sexin1893, Gage became an expert on the centuries long witch-hunts that forced women to be put to death by fire, hanging, torture, drowning or stoning. And she spared no expense when it came to depicting those scenes, or her thoughts about them.

m.media-amazon.com

For example, she wrote about 400 women burning all at once in a French public square “for a crime which never existed save in the imagination of those persecutors and which grew in their imagination from a false belief in woman’s extraordinary wickedness.”

For Gage, the link between religion and oppression was unseverable.

“As soon as a system of religion was adopted which taught the greater sinfulness of women, the saying arose: One wizard for every 10,000 witches, and the persecution for witchcraft became chiefly directed at women.”

And how exactly did Gage’s male critics respond to her message? By calling her a “satanist” and a “heretic.” Thus proving her point, really.

Though Baum didn’t instantly win over his fierce mother-in-law, over the years she did become a spiritual mentor to him, not to mention his muse on multiple levels.

First off, Gage was the one who encouraged Baum to actually write down his whimsical tales in the first place, which previously he only spoke aloud with his children.

Second, Baum was fascinated by her evocative descriptions of witches, and the feminist ideals they represent, which we undoubtedly see in his work. His wizard coerces Dorothy into killing a fellow woman, the Wicked Witch of the West, and then is revealed to be an empty god. And then, through the help of another woman, Glinda the Good Witch, Dorothy learns the power was inside her all along.

Third, Gage introduced Baum to The Theosophical Society, which was basically an amalgamation of Buddhist and Hindu principles that spoke of following life’s golden path to enlightenment and would later be represented by the Yellow Brick Road.

via GIPHY

Lastly, it was Gage who suggested incorporating the tornado that would take Dorothy off to Oz in the first place. Cause how else was she gonna get there?

And to think, none of this show’s up in Gage’s measly 205-word New York Times obituary, stationed below Tiffany & Co. ad which simply credits her for being “one of the earliest champions of woman’s rights in America.” In fact, it wasn’t until new research was found, mostly in the form of newspaper writings by Baum and as unpublished letters from Gage, that people began to link her to his work.

Gage’s unwavering radical views removed her from her rightful place in history, especially due to deliberate actions taken by Susan B. Anthony to distance Gage and her “dangerous” ideas from the suffragist movement altogether. But through the work of her son-in-law, she formed a different kind of legacy—one that continues to inspire women everywhere to click their heels three times and find their own courage, value their empathy, and believe in the power of their own intelligence.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

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Big Bird is soon to be homeless as the cancellation of 'Sesame Street' is likely imminent

"Sesame Street has been teaching kids and celebrating the power of community for over 50 years."

Photo credit: Wikimedia

Big Bird is homeless as HBO cancels beloved 'Sesame Street'

Everybody's favorite bird is about to be without a home, along with all of his friends. The characters of "Sesame Street" have been a part of people's childhoods for multiple generations now, with it's first episode airing in 1969. It was a way that "television could help prepare disadvantaged children for school," according to Sesame Workshop.

"Sesame Street" teaches everything from letter and number recognition, counting, emotional regulation and what it means to be in a community. The show tackles difficult topics on a level that young children can understand. There have been episodes about autism, homelessness, even breast feeding. "Sesame Street" has been a massive family classic for more than 50 years, with all the educational goodness available for free on local PBS channels.

But with the rise of streaming, it became difficult for the preschool staple to maintain being on PBS due to licensing fees once DVD and video sales tapered off. "Sesame Street" simply couldn't maintain staying on PBS without the revenue needed to produce the show, which is when HBO stepped in. But after completing their five-year deal, HBO, now known as Max, is shifting its focus to content for adults and families according to Variety.

Sesame Street Fainting GIF by MOODMANGiphy

The 55th season of the children's classic will be the last new season premiered on the streaming service, which is set to air in 2025, though Max will host episodes from the "Sesame Street" episodes library until 2027.

“It has been a wonderful, creative experience working with everyone at ‘Sesame Street’ on the iconic children’s series, and we are thrilled to be able to keep some of the library series on Max in the U.S,” said a spokesperson for Max in a statement. “As we’ve launched Max though and based on consumer usage and feedback, we’ve had to prioritize our focus on stories for adults and families, and so new episodes from ‘Sesame Street,’ at this time, are not as core to our strategy.”

Happy Its Friday GIF by Sesame StreetGiphy

And just like that, the beloved characters of "Sesame Street" are homeless, looking for a new place to rest their feet. Being aware of the change in children's viewing habits, the legendary preschool staple is hoping to give the show a little update in the 56th season. The organization is hopeful it will get picked up by a streaming giant or be able to make its way back to PBS somehow so generations of kids can continue to benefit from the programming.

The news of the show's cancellation even got the attention of former secretary of state and former first lady Hilary Clinton, who shared it with her audience. People are struggling with the idea of such a beneficial show like "Sesame Street" getting cancelled.

Sesame Street Oscar GIFGiphy

"Sesame Street was such a big part of my childhood, along with the other PBS shows like Mr. Rogers Neighborhood and Reading Rainbow. My kids are teens so I haven't actively watched in a long time, and had no idea that HBO bought it! I am in the field of early childhood education though, and I know how important equal access to high quality programs is for children. I just donated, and I hope Sesame Street and Big Bird find a deserving home and continue to spread love, kindness, and education for generations to come," one person shares.

"This is so sad and wrong. Sesame Street has been the source of learning for millions of children. That show taught letters, numbers, character traits like kindness, compassion, and it made learning fun. Bring it back to PBS, find a way to make it happen. The money is there, corporations just don't want to invest in children," another commenter adds.

Sesame Street Reaction GIF by Muppet WikiGiphy

To be clear, Max does not own "Sesame Street," they were licensed to produce new episodes of the beloved show, which still air on PBS several months after they air on Max. It allowed for the show to make new shows behind a paywall while still being able to provide free episodes to underserved youth. PBS is funded by donations from private foundations and citizens, as well as membership dues and Corporation for Public Broadcasting (CPB) in order to keep shows on the air. Mr. Rogers once famously spoke in front of Congress to advocate for funding for children's programming on public broadcasting.

While "Sesame Street" is currently without a permanent home, there seems to be something that can be done that is within the power of regular citizens—contact members of Congress to ensure they fight to keep funding the CPB and increase the funding provided and donate to PBS and Sesame Workshop, which is the nonprofit that funds "Sesame Street."

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Tired of 'hacks?' Here are 20 of the best life tips sourced from 21.9 million real people.

All of them are simple and practical. A few might just change your life.

via Arjun Mahadevan/Twitter

Arjun Mahadevan's life pro tip Twitter thread

Arjun Mahadevan gave the world a gift when he crowdsourced the best “life pro tips” from nearly 22 million people. He shared the top 20 in a Twitter thread that’s got over 619,000 views. Mahadevan sourced the tips from the Life Pro Tips subforum on Reddit, which has been running since 2010.

Mahadevan is the CEO of doolaHQ which he calls the “business-in-a-box” for LLCs.

Mahadevan labeled his advice “20 life tips you wish you knew when you were 20,” but they are helpful for everyone regardless of age. They’re useful for anyone who is in a relationship, has a job, or wants to stay sane in an aggravating world.

Many ideas involve reframing how we judge others to see them with more compassion. Mahadevan also has some advice for professionals to prevent them from making embarrassing mistakes or wasting other people’s time.

Sometimes the simplest change in behavior or perspective can drastically affect our lives. Here are Arjun Mahadevan’s 20 life tips you wish you knew when you were 20:

1. "If you’re stuck on an annoying call, put your phone on airplane mode instead of just hanging up. The other person will see 'call failed' instead of 'call ended.'"

2. "When you sign up for anything online, put the website’s name as your middle name. That way when you receive spam/advert emails, you will know who sold your info."

3. "Always tell a child who is wearing a helmet how cool you think their helmet is. It will encourage them to always wear it in the future."

4. "When you don't have all the facts, try to give people the most generous reason you can for their behavior. Annoyingly slow driver? Maybe it's a mom with a birthday cake in the back. This mindset will gradually make you less reactive and more compassionate."

5. "Do not try to be the man your father would want you to be. Be the man you would like your son to be. It more clearly defines your own convictions, desires, goals and motivates you to be your best."

6. "When a friend is upset, ask them one simple question before saying anything else: 'Do you want to talk about it or do you want to be distracted from it?'"

7. "After a bad breakup, do 10 things that your ex would never do with you. You'll feel better and realize how much of yourself was being held back."

8. "Before you give your child a unique name, try it out first. Use it on food orders, reservations, appointments where applicable, etc. It’ll give you a glimpse of what they’ll deal with when they’re older and could prevent future issues."

9. "If you need to cancel a hotel reservation but are unable to because of a 24-hour policy, call the company and move your reservation to a later date. Call back within a few days and cancel for no charge."

10. "If you tell someone you need to talk to them, for the love of God give some indication of what you need to talk about, or at least that it's not bad news."

11. "Never send a work email when you’re emotionally compromised. Type it up, save it as a draft, and walk away. Ideally, sleep on it. You’ll make a smarter choice when you're not heated."

12. "Don't just let kids win at games. You can slow it down, you can teach them strategy, but keep it real. Someday, they will beat you fair and square, and it will be a moment they always remember with pride."

13. "When cooking things on aluminum foil, first scrunch the foil up, then lay it loosely flat again out on your baking tray. The juices will stay put—and the food will not stick to the foil half as much, if at all."

14. "If you think of a good idea, write it down. Your brain will try to trick you into thinking you will remember it later, but it's a liar! Therefore: Write it down!"

15. "It takes 4 minutes a day and almost no cost to maintain dental hygiene. It takes a lifetime and a lot of money to correct it. 2-minute brush and mouthwash in the AM, 2-minute brush and floss in the PM."

16. "Don’t wait until you have 'time' to start a fitness program. Because then when you get busy again, you’ll stop. The best time to start is actually when you’re busy. Learning how to fit it in when times are tough means you’ll stick with it over the long haul."

17. "When using text messages or IMs for business, say everything you need to say in the first message. Don’t just say 'hi' or 'hey' or 'are you there' or 'are you busy.'"

18. "Instead of feeling that you've blown the day and thinking, 'I'll get back on track tomorrow, think of each day as a set of four quarters:

• Morning• Midday• Afternoon• Evening

If you blow one quarter, you get back on track for the next quarter."

19. "Many problems in marriage are really just problems with being a bad roommate. Learn how to be a good roommate, and it will solve many of the main issues that plague marriages. This includes communicating about something bothering you before you get too angry."

20. "Ask yourself 'what does it matter to me' the next time you find yourself judging someone for their clothing or hobbies. The more you train yourself to not care about the personal preferences of other people, the more relaxed and nicer you become as a person."

This article originally appeared last year.

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Mom shares how to respond to an apology confidently. It's great advice for kids and adults.

Sometimes, "It's okay," just isn't okay.

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A man asking a woman for forgiveness

Yasmina Elmerkaoui, a beauty influencer and founder of Merkau, is getting a lot of love on TikTok because she reminds everyone that there is more than one way to respond to an apology. Sometimes, all you have to do is say, “Thank you.” If you were the one who was wronged, why does someone get to control your reaction just because they apologized?

Her thoughts were eye-opening to many people conditioned to give a knee-jerk “It’s okay” response when someone apologizes, even though what they ask forgiveness for probably isn’t “okay.” Elmerkaoui shared her thoughts on a September 2024 episode of the “Hanging for More” podcast she hosts with Maggie Younan.

What's the best way to respond to an apology?

“I’ve taught my kids to say, ‘Thank you for apologizing,’ rather than, ‘That’s OK,’ because the behavior isn’t OK,” Elmerkaoui says. “The apology is welcomed, so it also draws a line and reminds you, no, no, no, that isn’t OK.”

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How to respond to “sorry” 🙏

Elmerkaoui’s response provides a solid distinction between thanking someone for admitting they were wrong without going so far as condoning their actions. The “thank you” response is also a way to prevent people from acting out of line again. If you tell someone their bad behavior is “okay, " they are more likely to do it again, causing a terrible cycle of poor behavior and apologies. “It reminds everyone else in their life as well that the apology is welcome, but the behavior isn’t okay and I won’t accept it,” she continues.

Elmerkaoui doesn’t expect an “It’s okay” even from her own son because she believes it teaches him poor boundaries. “They say the same to me, like, ‘Thank you for apologizing,’” she goes on. “I’ll even pull them up if they say, ‘That’s okay.’ Noah, especially, he’s such a mama’s boy, he’s like, ‘Mom, that’s okay, you did nothing wrong.’ And I’m like, “No, I did.”


“This is so important. It’s not ok to mistreat others and hide behind an apology. It becomes a cycle,” Rafaela wrote in the comments. “There’s power in saying ‘I forgive you’ too when you genuinely do, but absolutely never ‘it’s fine,’” Allison added.

Some people had never even considered simply saying thank you. “Why have I never thought of this? I've been actively thinking of what a better response would be. I'm trying to stop saying "it's okay,’” Kaitlin wrote.

Karina Schumann, a psychology professor who studies conflict resolution, apologies, and forgiveness at the University of Pittsburgh, agrees with Elmerkaoui’s approach but stresses that we respond to the apology authentically. “It’s important to be genuine without being hostile,” says Schumann. “Research shows that using a ‘constructive voice’ — where you voice your concerns in a positive, calm way — is the most effective way to invite behavioral changes and better relationships. Sweeping things under the rug and pretending to forgive when you’re not ready are not going to fix the problem.”

Yasmina Elmerkaoui’s simple yet powerful apology approach brought up a meaningful conversation about authenticity and boundaries. Her advice to shift from saying “It’s okay” to “Thank you” encourages a healthier dynamic that doesn’t condone bad behavior but places a high value on accountability. It acknowledges the hurt while bringing things to a sincere resolution. Elmerkaoui’s advice reminds us that we may not be able to control how people treat us, but we have complete power over how we respond.

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