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The surprising history behind 9 of everyone's favorite Christmas songs

What do you mean "Jingle Bells" was originally a THANKSGIVING song?!

christmas fm, christmas songs, christmas

Photo credit: Canva

Even if we've heard them a million times, there's still something new to learn and appreciate.

Even the Grinchiest among us probably has a Christmas song that lifts their spirits. After all, we’ve got so much more than traditional carols now—virtually every genre has a tune dedicated to the holiday, religious or otherwise.

In fact, as of 2019 there were an estimated 9,274 songs with the word “Christmas” in the title. And that’s obviously not counting the songs that don’t contain the word “Christmas” but are still very much Christmas songs, like "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” and "Frosty the Snowman.”

But did you know that many well known Christmas songs weren’t Christmas songs at all? Or that some have very close ties to war history? Or that some didn’t even become famous until many years later?

Read below for some pretty fascinating stories behind the songs that usher us into those holiday feels…some as early as Oct 25th…

"Jingle Bells"

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Believe it or not, this festive, well-known Christmas staple was originally written to be sung on Thanksgiving. James Lord Pierpont composed the song, originally named ‘The One Horse Open Sleigh,’ for his Thanksgiving Sunday school class in 1850, so it makes sense that Pierpont’s lyrics contain zero mention of Christmas. They do however celebrate the New England sleigh races that were popular in the era (which is what the jingling bells refer to), and even involve a high-speed crash. Exciting!

Decades later in the 1940s, Bing Crosby removed some of Pierpont’s lyrics, renamed the song ‘Jingle Bells’ and transformed it into a Christmastime hit.

"Silent Night"

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

The year was 1816, not long after the 12 year Napoleonic wars had taken their toll. A young priest in Austria named Joseph Mohr went for a walk seeking inspiration for poetic verses to convey to a traumatized and poverty-stricken congregation that God was still there. As he looked out over the quiet, peaceful winter-laden town, Mohr got his wish.

And then on Christmas Eve in 1818, it was performed for the first time in an Austrian village—a simple acoustic set, played by Mohr and a friend who helped him arrange the music. ‘Silent Night Unplugged,” if you will. It was immediately well received, and quickly traveled throughout northern Europe thanks to traveling folk singers.

Cut to Christmas Truce of 1914 at the height of World War I, when fighting was temporarily suspended along several fronts in Europe so soldiers on both sides could tune their radios to hear Ernestine Schumann Heinke, a beloved Austrian opera star, perform the song. The song’s message of seeking peace even during times of great suffering probably never rang more true.

"Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer"

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Listen, we know that capitalism has its hold on Christmas. So it’s probably not the biggest surprise that this lovely ditty about misfit cervids was actually created by a corporation.

Robert L. May, a copywriter for Montgomery Ward, was tasked to come up with a children’s storybook that could be sold at Christmas. May, who happened to be a bit of an outcast himself, based much of the book on his own experience of being teased, as well as the classic Ugly Duckling story. According to TIME, the idea almost got shelved, primarily because a focus group was concerned the red nose had “connotations of alcoholism.”

And yet, it was indeed published, and became a bestseller. But it wouldn’t truly become world famous until May's brother-in-law, Johnny Marks, adapted the story into a song. The song was first introduced live on New York Radio in 1949, then was sung by singing cowboy star Gene Autry, and quickly became the first number one song of the 1950s.

Perhaps most important of all, TIME reports that while the success of Rudolph helped May get out of serious debt and put his children through college, he was also grateful to have created something that taught children “tolerance and perseverance can overcome adversity.”

“Christmas Rappin’”

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Not only did Robert “Rocky” Ford’s idea for a holiday rap song become a Christmas classic, it also helped legitimize hip-hop as a genre. At the time of its debut, 1979, virtually no one even knew what rap was. But once the song achieved crazy commercial success, the industry finally took rap and hip-hop seriously.

The song was performed by Kurtis Blow, who, after the song took off, received a full album contract from Mercury Records, making him the first rapper to land a major label album deal. He later released “The Breaks,” which became the first rap song to go gold. And the rest is music history.

“Feliz Navidad”

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Christmas can be a time for homesickness, and that was exactly what José Feliciano was feeling in 1970 as he was stuck in a recording studio during the holidays. He longed to celebrate Christmas Eve, aka Noche Buena, with his brothers, eating traditional Puerto Rican foods, drinking rum, and going caroling. In an effort to feel less lonely, he came up with the upbeat and jovial "Feliz Navidad.” Knowing English stations might not play the song with only Spanish lyrics, he added translated lines, making it the timeless, cross cultural hit we love today.

“Carol of the Bells”

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Again, this popular tune, which is actually a centuries old Ukrainian folk song, was meant for a different holiday—New Year's.

Originally titled “Shchedryk,” derived from a Ukrainian word meaning “bountiful,” the four-note melody tells the story of a swallow flying into a household to proclaim the year of abundance that a family will have. It was one of many well-wishing tunes sung in many Ukrainian villages on Jan. 13 (New Year’s Eve on the Julian calendar), usually by adolescent girls going house to house in celebration of the new year in exchange for baked goods or other treats.

Then, in 1916, Ukrainian composer Mykola Leontovich used the melody to create a song for a Christmas concert, during a time of political upheaval for the country. Leontovich’s creation was hailed a masterpiece. And in 1918, when Ukraine declared independence from the Russian Empire, the song was also used as a diplomatic tool by the newly formed Ukrainian government, which sent a choir of 100 singers on a European tour to sing Ukrainian songs and promote Ukrainian identity around the world.

This of course included the United States, where the song was first performed to a sold-out audience in Carnegie Hall Oct. 5, 1921. When American choir director and arranger Peter Wilhousky eventually he was of bells. So in 1936 he wrote new lyrics and titled it "Carol of the Bells.”

In a time when Ukraine yet again fights for its cultural identity, this one feels pretty poignant to know.

“White Christmas”

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Crazy to think that this biggest-selling holiday track of all time (not to mention biggest-selling song ever, according to Guinness World Records), initially performed poorly.

It is said that songwriter Irving Berlin, who lost his son on Christmas Day, channeled some of the heartache he felt after visiting his grave each year as he wrote what was supposed to be a song for a Broadway revue that never happened. It did end up making its first appearance in the 1942 musical film Holiday Inn, starring Bing Crosby and Fred Astaire.

At first, "White Christmas" didn’t perform as well as "Be Careful, It’s My Heart," another tune in the movie, but its melancholy lyrics perfectly captured the longing felt by soldiers in World War II, who flooded the Armed Forces Network with requests.

"White Christmas" would end up earning Berlin his first Oscar for Best Original Song in 1943 and changing Christmas music forever, establishing now steep themes of home and nostalgia. It also revealed the huge potential market for secular Christmas songs.

“Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)”

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Written by Phil Spector, Ellie Greenwich, and Jeff Barry and performed by Darlene Love, this doo-wop holiday song had the ill fortune of being released on November 22, 1963—the same day President John F. Kennedy was assassinated. As Spector said a half-century later. “No one was celebrating anything. There really was not a Christmas that year.” Both the song and the entire album were temporarily pulled from stores.

“Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)” remained in obscurity until the 1980s, when Love once again performed it—and brought the house down—on David Letterman. This started off a tradition that lasted until Christmas 2014, as Letterman retired the next May. Still, Love continued the tradition on The View, which gave the song its all-time chart peak, breaking into Billboard’s Top 20.

“All I Want for Christmas Is You”

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Can you even write about Christmas songs without covering this one? We think not.

Surprisingly, Mariah Carey was at first hesitant to even create the song that would end up making her Mother Christmas, since she was concerned that a seasonal album would get her written off as a singer past her prime and alienate her hip-hop fans.

“Obviously, I couldn’t have been more wrong,” she would later tell Entertainment Weekly.

Carey made several nods to song producers of Christmas past with this modern day holiday staple, borrowing some of the styles of Phil Spector’s already established seasonal standards and giving herself a Ronette makeover for the music video.

In her 2020 memoir, The Meaning of Mariah Carey, the singer revealed that growing up, her holiday experiences weren’t actually that merry, and thus partially wrote “All I Want for Christmas Is You” as a way to heal her inner child and honor her “early fantasies of family and friendship.”

There you have it folks. So many of these beloved pieces of art were written as a way to find joy no matter what, which in itself is a Christmas lesson, isn’t it? May your holiday listening be that much more impactful knowing how they came to be in the first place.

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Levi Strauss Foundation

The Levi Strauss Foundation advances the human rights and well-being of underserved people in places where the company has a business presence

Modern Families

Once a refugee seeking safety in the U.S., Anita Omary is using what she learned to help others thrive.

Even in divided times, small acts of friendship help create vibrant communities where everyone feels safe.

Once a refugee seeking safety in the U.S., Anita Omary is using what she learned to help others thrive.

Pictured here: Anita Omary; her son, Osman; and Omary’s close friends

Pictured here: Anita Omary; her son, Osman; and Omary’s close friends

True

In March 2023, after months of preparation and paperwork, Anita Omary arrived in the United States from her native Afghanistan to build a better life. Once she arrived in Connecticut, however, the experience was anything but easy.

“When I first arrived, everything felt so strange—the weather, the environment, the people,” Omary recalled. Omary had not only left behind her extended family and friends in Afghanistan, she left her career managing child protective cases and supporting refugee communities behind as well. Even more challenging, Anita was five months pregnant at the time, and because her husband was unable to obtain a travel visa, she found herself having to navigate a new language, a different culture, and an unfamiliar country entirely on her own.

“I went through a period of deep disappointment and depression, where I wasn’t able to do much for myself,” Omary said.

Then something incredible happened: Omary met a woman who would become her close friend, offering support that would change her experience as a refugee—and ultimately the trajectory of her entire life.

Understanding the journey

Like Anita Omary, tens of thousands of people come to the United States each year seeking safety from war, political violence, religious persecution, and other threats. Yet escaping danger, unfortunately, is only the first challenge. Once here, immigrant and refugee families must deal with the loss of displacement, while at the same time facing language barriers, adapting to a new culture, and sometimes even facing social stigma and anti-immigrant biases.

Welcoming immigrant and refugee neighbors strengthens the nation and benefits everyone—and according to Anita Omary, small, simple acts of human kindness can make the greatest difference in helping them feel safe, valued, and truly at home.

A warm welcome

Dee and Omary's son, Osman

Anita Omary was receiving prenatal checkups at a woman’s health center in West Haven when she met Dee, a nurse.

“She immediately recognized that I was new, and that I was struggling,” Omary said. “From that moment on, she became my support system.”

Dee started checking in on Omary throughout her pregnancy, both inside the clinic and out.

“She would call me and ask am I okay, am I eating, am I healthy,” Omary said. “She helped me with things I didn’t even realize I needed, like getting an air conditioner for my small, hot room.”

Soon, Dee was helping Omary apply for jobs and taking her on driving lessons every weekend. With her help, Omary landed a job, passed her road test on the first attempt, and even enrolled at the University of New Haven to pursue her master’s degree. Dee and Omary became like family. After Omary’s son, Osman, was born, Dee spent five days in the hospital at her side, bringing her halal food and brushing her hair in the same way Omary’s mother used to. When Omary’s postpartum pain became too great for her to lift Osman’s car seat, Dee accompanied her to his doctor’s appointments and carried the baby for her.

“Her support truly changed my life,” Omary said. “Her motivation, compassion, and support gave me hope. It gave me a sense of stability and confidence. I didn’t feel alone, because of her.”

More than that, the experience gave Omary a new resolve to help other people.

“That experience has deeply shaped the way I give back,” she said. “I want to be that source of encouragement and support for others that my friend was for me.”

Extending the welcome

Omary and Dee at the Martin Luther King, Jr. Vision Awards ceremony at the University of New Haven.

Omary is now flourishing. She currently works as a career development specialist as she continues her Master’s degree. She also, as a member of the Refugee Storytellers Collective, helps advocate for refugee and immigrant families by connecting them with resources—and teaches local communities how to best welcome newcomers.

“Welcoming new families today has many challenges,” Omary said. “One major barrier is access to English classes. Many newcomers, especially those who have just arrived, often put their names on long wait lists and for months there are no available spots.” For women with children, the lack of available childcare makes attending English classes, or working outside the home, especially difficult.

Omary stresses that sometimes small, everyday acts of kindness can make the biggest difference to immigrant and refugee families.

“Welcome is not about big gestures, but about small, consistent acts of care that remind you that you belong,” Omary said. Receiving a compliment on her dress or her son from a stranger in the grocery store was incredibly uplifting during her early days as a newcomer, and Omary remembers how even the smallest gestures of kindness gave her hope that she could thrive and build a new life here.

“I built my new life, but I didn’t do it alone,” Omary said. “Community and kindness were my greatest strengths.”

Are you in? Click here to join the Refugee Advocacy Lab and sign the #WeWillWelcome pledge and complete one small act of welcome in your community. Together, with small, meaningful steps, we can build communities where everyone feels safe.

This article is part of Upworthy’s “The Threads Between U.S.” series that highlights what we have in common thanks to the generous support from the Levi Strauss Foundation, whose grantmaking is committed to creating a culture of belonging.

Scientists discovered a fascinating trick to feeling like you slept great even if you didn't

"Placebo sleep" can be extremely powerful.

sleep, sleep tricks, sleeping techniques, science, scientific research, placebo effect, placebo

Photo credit: Canva

Tired man (left); energized man (right)

The benefits of getting a good night's sleep are too vast to name. Sleep is as essential for our brains as food and water are for our bodies. If you're not getting enough, sleeping better has been shown to elevate your mood, improve your memory, and even boost your physical health. And then there's the obvious: when you don't sleep well, you'll have less energy and generally perform worse on tasks that require any kind of effort or thought.

However, we're all human, and, sometimes, humans sleep terribly. Your infant might wake you up, or a car alarm might go off outside, interrupting your regularly-scheduled REM. It's not always our fault when we don't sleep well, but there might be an interesting way to fix it.

A study from 2014 may have demonstrated the existence of something called "placebo sleep," or tricking your brain into believing you slept better than you did.

sleep, sleep tricks, sleeping techniques, science, scientific research, placebo effect, placebo a man sitting at a desk with his head on his arms Photo by Vitaly Gariev on Unsplash

The placebo effect, of course, has been studied relentlessly over the years and has shown that the human body can do amazing, almost impossible things, when the brain gets on board. The classic example is when symptoms of disease get measurably better after a patient takes a "fake" pill. Another study out of Harvard showed that people who were told their jobs qualified as exercise showed improved health and fitness markers compared to people who did the same job. Placebos even work when the person knows they're taking a placebo. It's called an "honest placebo" and is considered a legitimate, ethical treatment method for many ailments.

The researchers in 2014 wanted to find out if the placebo effect could also apply to sleep. So, they lectured a group of participants about the importance of REM sleep and how it can effect cognitive functioning. The participants were then split into two groups and monitored overnight while they slept. The next morning, one group was told they achieved 28.7% REM sleep, which is terrific, and the other group was told they only spent 16.2% of their sleep time in REM, which is below average. The numbers, however, were complete fiction.

Stunningly, the participants who believed they achieved top quality sleep performed better the next day on a series of arithmetic and word association tests compared to the other groups.

In their conclusion, the authors wrote, "These findings supported the hypothesis that mindset can influence cognitive states in both positive and negative directions, suggesting a means of controlling one's health and cognition."

According to Smithsonian Magazine, follow up experiments confirmed the findings.

The key to feeling great and performing as if you had a great night's sleep may lie in simply believing that you did.

There are a lot of ways to "placebo your sleep" in order to generate that belief. For starters, you can adopt a new routine or technique or even supplement in order to prime your brain.

John Cline Ph.D. asserts for Psychology Today that the popularity of sleeping aids like melatonin may be tied less to the fact that they work, and more to the fact that people believe they work. But you don't need to take any supplements or medications. Having a slow evening wind down with a book and an herbal tea, trying a new sleeping position, or practicing some measured breathing might work just as well. Or, rather, they might work precisely because you believe they will.

sleep, sleep tricks, sleeping techniques, science, scientific research, placebo effect, placebo Can a warm cup of tea help you sleep better? If you believe it, then yes. Photo by Dana Ciurumelea on Unsplash

You could take the concept a step further and alter your morning routine on nights you know for a fact you didn't sleep well. Perhaps it's by using a new coffee brand, doing some stretches before getting out of bed, or meditating before starting your day. Anything that you truly believe might help make you more alert and focused may just work.

One viral social media sleep trend capitalizes on this research perfectly. Researchers have shown that forcing your mouth into a smile has been shown to improve your mood. Turns out, similarly, you may be able to get sleepy by pretending to be super tired. Psychologist Erica Terblanche calls it the "alpha bridge," and it involves gently closing your eyes, fluttering them open just a tad, and then closing them again as you relax and breath. It simulates the feeling of "nodding off" and is said to create the alpha brainwaves that transition your brain from wakefulness to sleep. It's another clever way of tricking your own brain.

@erica.terblanche
Here's a skill to help you fall asleep on an airplane or anywhere else for that matter. . Its called going over the Alpha Bridge. #EricaTerblanche #ThriveGuru #motivation #sleeping

It sounds cheesy, but the power of mindset and positive thinking is truly tremendous. Our beliefs and thought patterns can greatly influence our body, our behavior, and our mood. Sometimes, our mindset can even be stronger than actual reality. Now we have the data to prove that it applies to our precious sleep, too.

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Resurfaced video of French skier's groin incident has people giving the announcer a gold medal

"The boys took a beating on that one."

skiing, skier, downhill ski race, alpine skiing, super-g

Representative photo credit: Canva

Downhill skiing is a sport rife with injuries, but not usually this kind.

A good commentator can make all the difference when watching sports, even when an event goes smoothly. But it's when something goes wrong that great announcers rise to the top. There's no better example of a great announcer in a surprise moment than when French skier Yannick Bertrand took a gate to the groin in a 2007 super-G race.

Competitive skiers fly down runs at incredible speeds, often exceeding 60 mph. Hitting something hard at that speed would definitely hurt, but hitting something hard with a particularly sensitive part of your body would be excruciating. So when Bertrand slammed right into a gate family-jewels-first, his high-pitched scream was unsurprising. What was surprising was the perfect commentary that immediately followed.

This is a clip you really just have to see and hear to fully appreciate:

- YouTube youtu.be

It's unclear who the announcer is, even after multiple Google inquiries, which is unfortunate because that gentleman deserves a medal. The commentary gets better with each repeated viewing, with highlights like:

"The gate the groin for Yannick Bertrand, and you could hear it. And if you're a man, you could feel it."

"Oh, the Frenchman. Oh-ho, monsieurrrrrr."

"The boys took a beating on that one."

"That guy needs a hug."

"Those are the moments that change your life if you're a man, I tell you what."

"When you crash through a gate, when you do it at high rate of speed, it's gonna hurt and it's going to leave a mark in most cases. And in this particular case, not the area where you want to leave a mark."

Imagine watching a man take a hit to the privates at 60 mph and having to make impromptu commentary straddling the line between professionalism and acknowledging the universal reality of what just happened. There are certain things you can't say on network television that you might feel compelled to say. There's a visceral element to this scenario that could easily be taken too far in the commentary, and the inherent humor element could be seen as insensitive and offensive if not handled just right.

The announcer nailed it. 10/10. No notes.

The clip frequently resurfaces during the Winter Olympic Games, though the incident didn't happen during an Olympic event. Yannick Bertrand was competing at the FIS World Cup super-G race in Kvitfjell, Norway in 2007, when the unfortunate accident occurred. Bertrand had competed at the Turin Olympics the year before, however, coming in 24th in the downhill and super-G events.

As painful as the gate to the groin clearly as, Bertrand did not appear to suffer any damage that kept him from the sport. In fact, he continued competing in international downhill and super-G races until 2014.

skiing, skier, downhill ski race, alpine skiing, super-g Alpine skiing is a notoriously dangerous sport. Photo credit: Canva

According to a 2018 study, Alpine skiing is a notoriously dangerous sport with a reported injury rate of 36.7 per 100 World Cup athletes per season. Of course, it's the knees and not the coin purse that are the most common casualty of ski racing, which we saw clearly in U.S. skier Lindsey Vonn's harrowing experiences at the 2026 Olympics. Vonn was competing with a torn ACL and ended up being helicoptered off of the mountain after an ugly crash that did additional damage to her legs, requiring multiple surgeries (though what caused the crash was reportedly unrelated to her ACL tear). Still, she says she has no regrets.

As Bertrand's return to the slopes shows, the risk of injury doesn't stop those who live for the thrill of victory, even when the agony of defeat hits them right in the rocks.

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How to keep your mouth shut in conversations when you know you should really stay quiet

Most people never regret just staying silent.

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via Canva/Photos

A woman with her finger over her mouth.

It can be hard to stay quiet when you feel like you just have to speak your mind. But sometimes it's not a great idea to share your opinions on current events with your dad or tell your boss where they're wrong in a meeting. And having a bit of self-control during a fight with your spouse is a good way to avoid apologizing the next morning.

Further, when we fight the urge to talk when it's not necessary, we become better listeners and give others a moment in the spotlight to share their views. Building that small mental muscle to respond to events rather than react can make all the difference in social situations.

argument, coworkers, angry coworkers, hostile work enviornment, disagreement A woman is getting angry at her coworker.via Canva/Photos

What is the WAIT method?

One way people have honed the skill of holding back when they feel the burning urge to speak up is the WAIT method, an acronym for the question you should ask yourself in that moment: "Why Am I Talking?" Pausing to consider the question before you open your mouth can shift your focus from "being heard" to "adding value" to any conversation.

The Center for The Empowerment Dynamic has some questions we should consider after taking a WAIT moment:

What is my intention behind what I am about to say?
What question can I ask to better understand what the other person is saying?
Is my need to talk an attempt to divert the attention to me?
How might I become comfortable with silence rather than succumb to my urge to talk?

tape over muth, sielnce, be quiet, mouth shut, saying nothing A man with tape over his mouth.via Canva/Photos

The WAIT method is a good way to avoid talking too much. In work meetings, people who overtalk risk losing everyone's attention and diluting their point to the extent that others aren't quite sure what they were trying to say. Even worse, they can come across as attention hogs or know-it-alls. Often, the people who get to the heart of the matter succinctly are the ones who are noticed and respected.

Just because you're commanding the attention of the room doesn't mean you're doing yourself any favors or helping other people in the conversation.

The WAIT method is also a great way to give yourself a breather and let things sit for a moment during a heated, emotional discussion. It gives you a chance to cool down and rethink your goals for the conversation. It can also help you avoid saying something you regret.

fight, spuse disagreement, communications skills, upset husband, argument A husband is angry with his wife. via Canva/Photos

How much should I talk in a meeting?

So if it's a work situation, like a team meeting, you don't want to be completely silent. How often should you speak up?

Cary Pfeffer, a speaking coach and media trainer, shared an example of the appropriate amount of time to talk in a meeting with six people:

"I would suggest a good measure would be three contributions over an hour-long meeting from each non-leader participant. If anyone is talking five/six/seven times you are over-participating! Allow someone else to weigh in, even if that means an occasional awkward silence. Anything less seems like your voice is just not being represented, and anything over three contributions is too much."

Ultimately, the WAIT method is about taking a second to make sure you're not just talking to hear yourself speak. It helps ensure that you have a clear goal for participating in the conversation and that you're adding value for others. Knowing when and why to say something is the best way to make a positive contribution and avoid shooting yourself in the foot.

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Psychologists say there are 4 types of introverts. These are the personality traits of each one.

The four types of introverts: Social, Thinking, Anxious, and Restrained.

introvert, introvers, types of introverts, introverted, introvert types, 4 introvert types

Photo credit: Canva

A woman sits in a chair reading a book.

Introverts can have many personality stereotypes. Many people assume they are quiet homebodies who prefer alone time, but not all introverts are the same.

Psychologist Jonathan M. Cheek, along with his colleagues Jennifer Grimes and Julie Norem at Wellesley College, presented findings in a 2011 study identifying four types of introverts: Social, Thinking, Anxious, and Restrained (STAR).

"Many people assume introversion is fixed, but introversion is on a spectrum," Chloë Bean, a somatic trauma therapist in Los Angeles, told Upworthy.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

Essentially, there is no one-size-fits-all type of introvert.

"It can shift depending on life phase, your stress level, burnout, support system, and trauma history," Bean said. "What looks like 'being introverted' is sometimes the nervous system doing it's job, protecting you especially when you're feeling overwhelmed or need to connect with yourself more."

Four types of introverts

In an interview with The Cut, Cheek explained that these introvert "types" are more like "shades," and that introverts are often a mix of each one. Here's what you need to know about each type of introvert:

introvert, introverts, being introverted, social introvert, introverts hanging out Three women sit on a blanket in the park. Photo credit: Canva

Social introverts

Bean noted that social introverts may be selective about who they connect with. They enjoy spending time with others but need downtime to recover.

"They prefer to stay home with a book or a computer, or to stick to small gatherings with close friends, as opposed to attending large parties with many strangers," Cheek explained.

How to tell if it's you:

"You may tend to lose a lot of energy when socializing in large groups even when they're fun and prefer one-on-one time," said Bean. "You may feel more regulated with one person at a time, as you can feel overstimulated with more than one person at a time."

Thinking introverts

Thinking introverts are internally rich, deep, and active but appear quiet on the outside, Bean noted. They spend a lot of time reflecting, imagining, creating, or analyzing.

"You're capable of getting lost in an internal fantasy world," Cheek said. "But it's not in a neurotic way, it's in an imaginative and creative way."

How to tell if it's you:

"You feel energized and excited by ideas but you feel exhausted when there is constant feedback and stimulation externally," Bean explained. "You need time to be with your thoughts to come to your conclusion so staying with your inner voice and process is supportive because you can get easily distracted by others' thoughts and opinions."

@onlyjayus
The 4 Types Of Introverts

Anxious introverts

Bean said that anxious introverts deal with anxiety and avoidance driven by fear, as the body anticipates rejection or not being accepted socially.

How to tell if it's you:

"You might replay conversations, dread upcoming plans and cancel them when the tension and anxiety gets too strong," Bean shared. "This is often less about your personality and more about your nervous system feeling dysregulated by thoughts about socializing."

Restrained introverts

Restrained introverts are highly observant, take time to warm up to others, and are cautious about who they spend their energy with, Bean explained.

How to tell if it's you:

"It might take you some time to feel like you can trust others and feel safe enough to speak up," Bean said. "You might also avoid being put on the spot or being the center of attention."

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Teacher demonstrates simple but powerful 'common ground' vs. 'find a problem' conversation hack

Made for kids, necessary for adults.

conflict resolution, conflict resolution for kids, finding common ground, conversation tips, ending an argument, substitute teacher

via @brightsignslearning/TikTok, used with permission

A teacher shared how encouraging her student to find common ground instantly stopped an argument

Tennessee-based educator Shelby Rideout was substituting for a third-grade class when she noticed two young girls, who were otherwise “really sweet, fun, kind,” start arguing with one another. The solution she found to instantly ease that conflict was surprisingly simple.

She encouraged them to “Look for some common ground.”

Without missing a beat, the girls were able to make one connection after another (“Jesus” and “Ethiopian food,” in this case) without any further guidance from Rideout. Within minutes, they went from bickering to “hootin’ and hollerin’ and laughing.”

Rideout shared this story to her TikTok, with the message that: “It is literally that simple. I feel like we’re a world where everyone is looking for a problem…why not look for how to get along?”

@brightsignslearning #teachersoftiktok #storytime #foru #kindness #kids ♬ original sound - brightsignslearning

“I don't care if it’s just that you both like peaches,” she quipped. “That’s a start. That’s how we start.”

In an interview with Today, Rideout even argued that this method of finding common ground is how we ease conflict in the adult world. “Whether someone leans left or right,” she said, “most people are motivated by the same goal: to make things better.”

Several viewers even proved this point by sharing some of their own positive anecdotes that came from incorporating this mindset into their everyday lives.

“I was an elected official for 24 years. I used a version of your solution often, especially with elected officials of the other party,” one person wrote.

Another added: “I made a conscious decision to befriend a co-worker who I was really struggling with. I started going out of my way to extend extra kindness to them. We now get along beautifully!”

In this day and age, it’s easy to forget that most people are not as far apart as they think. Thankfully, they just need a starting point that reminds them of their shared humanity.

If you want to try Rideout’s "common ground" approach in your own life, here are a few simple ways to start.

conflict resolution, conflict resolution for kids, finding common ground, conversation tips, ending an argument, substitute teacher Two women engaging in a pleasant conversation inside a coffee shopPhoto credit: Canva

First, ask open-ended questions. Instead of focusing on what you disagree about, ask about hobbies, favorite foods, music, or weekend plans. Shared interests often appear quickly when the conversation is relaxed.

Second, listen for common values. Even when opinions differ, people often care about the same underlying goals, such as safety, fairness, family, or community. Naming those shared values can shift the tone of a conversation.

Third, keep it small. Common ground does not have to be profound. Maybe you both love a certain coffee shop. Maybe you both dread Monday mornings. Small points of connection can build trust over time.

Fourth, lead with kindness. A smile, a compliment, or a moment of patience can make someone more willing to meet you halfway. Kindness often opens the door to connection.

Finally, remember that, as Rideout mentioned, common ground is a beginning, not a solution to every problem. You can still disagree. You can still set boundaries. But starting from a place of shared understanding makes it easier to move forward with respect.

conflict resolution, conflict resolution for kids, finding common ground, conversation tips, ending an argument, substitute teacher Two men engaging in a peaceful disagreement.Photo credit: Canva

Bottom line: Rideout’s classroom moment is a reminder that the tools for better communication are often simple and accessible. Two third graders found their way back to laughter by naming what they shared. Adults can do the same.

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