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Something to keep in mind next time you're getting your wanderlust on.

I left Canada to travel the world for a year. A generation earlier, my father escaped Vietnam in a small boat. Don’t take your freedom of mobility for granted.

In August of 1983, at the height of the international humanitarian crisis in the aftermath of the Vietnam War, my father leapt onto a boat headed for the Gulf of Thailand — an escape he had already attempted 10 times before.

"If we’d stopped, they would shoot," my dad told my sisters and me, referring to the cảnh sát, or police. We looked at my mother, incredulous. She was nodding emphatically.


This tenth time, my father was lucky. Their boat managed to evade the Việt Cộng at every checkpoint; soon, they were out at sea. For two days, my father waited in the open waters that had already swallowed the lives of those brave enough to go before him. But again, he was lucky. Their crew was spotted by the knightly Chevalier, and the Frenchmen brought my father to safety at the Singaporean shore.

My father waited in a camp while Western deities deliberated his fate. Switzerland staked a claim, but he didn’t accept their offer; English was already difficult enough to learn, let alone German or French. Eventually, he was flown across the world and dropped off in Toronto, a cold, foreign city he would try his best to make his new home.

Like my father, I, too, have crossed continents and traveled far from home. At 20, filled with wanderlust, I embarked on a trip around the world. I visited a friend in Israel, toured ancient temple ruins in Myanmar, interpreted for doctors in Vietnam, interned at an NGO in Phnom Penh, partied in Siem Reap, partied some more in Koh Phangan, bathed in the Ganges river, practiced yoga at an ashram in Rishikesh, and taught English to monks in exile in Dharamshala. I went to many places far and foreign. I met new people, ate new foods, and learned new things.

But the circumstances that led to my travel, as opposed to my father’s, could not be more different.

My father, a Vietnamese army doctor turned political dissident, crossed the Pacific Ocean because he had no choice. My father traveled to escape a regime where enemies and academics were sent to ruthless "reeducation" (i.e. prison) camps. He had to leave behind his homeland, a country where kids walking home from school, including my mother growing up, knew to run into neighbors’ homes and hide under their beds when Cobra choppers and jet fighters and banana helicopters arrived overhead; rockets and grenades and explosives were about to be next.

Just one generation later, I had a powerful Canadian passport in my pocket and disposable income at hand. My travel was a choice.

One morning last year, I woke up and opened my laptop to see that an acquaintance — let’s call her Elizabeth — had posted on Facebook to encourage her virtual friends to seize the day and travel the world. Elizabeth, a recent American University graduate and a former sorority sister, was still high off a "transformative" trip to Indonesia earlier that year, a trip that mainly entailed hopping from one island to another, drinking cheap cocktails, and riding on exotic elephants (or at least, that’s what I gathered from her pictures). Life-changing indeed.

No one contested her point of view; an outpouring of likes and comments validated Elizabeth’s motivational status update. Even I found myself nodding my head in agreement. Change the world, and it’ll change you!

It’s so easy to forget that others may have had to make immense sacrifices to do something you’ve come to see not only as a rite of passage, but indeed, a right in itself.

Is travel a right? In the strictest legal sense of the word, I suppose you could argue "yes." The right to mobility is enshrined in Article 13 of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights, which asserts that "everyone has the right to leave any country, including his own, and to return to his country." In the United States, the freedom of movement is protected in the United States Constitution, and in the 1958 Kent v. Dulles decision, Justice William O. Douglas opined, "Travel abroad, like travel within the country … may be as close to the heart of the individual as the choice of what he eats, or wears, or reads. Freedom of movement is basic in our scheme of values."

Everyone should have the right to travel, but, of course, that doesn’t hold up to reality.

For one, not everyone can afford it. My eight-month trip was paid for by two years of disposable income saved from my part-time campus job. Halfway through, I managed to squander all my own money, but I was lucky; my parents swooped in to finance the rest of my journey of self-discovery. Because of them, I was able to continue living my life-transforming, resume-padding life abroad. Thanks, Mom and Dad!

In any case, our carefully curated Instagram grids, full of lush Airbnb homes and landscapes with the ever-trendy "fade" filter applied, seldom mention how much the plane ticket to Byron Bay cost or who’s financing our Alternative Break to Myanmar (yes, my parents paid for that too). Instead, we use hashtags like #blessed, #wanderlust, and #35mmfilm and call it a day.

There’s also the opportunity cost of traveling. I wasn’t in a rush to start earning money, but many college students are. Over 70% of all "gappers" come from families whose parents have an estimated annual parental income of over $100,000. Case in point: At my ultra-altruistic, ultra-worldly, ultra-expensive alma mater, the average student’s family income is $107,753.

Besides the cost of travel, remember that this "right" is granted only to those who own an actual passport — and the nationality associated with your passport can determine whether foreign borders will invite you in or shut you out.

For many, the notion of traveling probably conjures up images of white sand beaches, modern skyscrapers, or pastel-colored colonial architecture as well as feelings of leisure, self-discovery, adventure, and hope.

But for millions of others, traveling comes with the credible fears of embarrassment, rejection, and even death.

According to various accounts, an estimated 200,000 to 400,000 Vietnamese boat people drowned at sea by the time the United Nations resettlement efforts ended in 1996. My father and his siblings were among the luckiest to have, quite literally, made it out alive.

Shortly after arriving in Canada, my penniless father (a doctor in Vietnam) went job hunting. An old family friend in Vietnam had told him to answer "yes" to every question in every interview. A pizzeria owner asked him if he knew how to make pizza, and my father, who had never seen a pizza before in his life, enthusiastically answered "yes." He was hired and, needless to say, fired a couple days later. My mother, also a doctor back in Vietnam, humbly spent her first couple of years in Toronto working in an electronics factory.

When my mother and her family arrived in Toronto as sponsored immigrants, they were reunited with their siblings, who had weathered the trip by boat six years earlier. The family of seven spent the years shortly thereafter sharing a two bedroom apartment.

While the teenage kids passed their days in high school classrooms, the adults worked their way toward becoming doctors, pharmacists, and engineers again. Although most of their education and retraining was supported by scholarships and loans from the Canadian government, everyone worked long hours and extra shifts at factories and restaurants in order to make ends meet. At their jobs, they endured not only laborious pain, but constant discrimination as well.

As a medical resident, my mother was examining a young boy’s ear when his mother angrily eyed her and pulled her son away. The boy’s mother asked for the doctor, even after my mother had already introduced herself as the doctor. The woman then exclaimed that she wanted another doctor, and kept insisting until the attending physician — an older white man — came into the room and to my mother’s defense.

But my mother knew not to cause a scene and remained silent. In fact, my mother’s had a lot of practice with staying quiet and obedient; the sassy, mouthy woman I know now had learned very quickly back then to keep her head down and her mouth shut when the white folks volleyed racial insults at her from across the factory assembly hall.

Welcome to Canada, they said.

My parents came to Canada with nothing but the clothes they wore on their backs; when I traveled, not only did I carry a fancy Osprey backpack and a snazzy Nikon camera, but also access to Canadian embassies as well as the comfort of knowing that when I was bored with "finding myself," I could always come home.

My father, on the other hand, relinquished his Vietnamese citizenship when he traveled to Canada. He believed in his heart that leaving meant saying goodbye to home forever.

With my perfect English and universally recognized North American accent, doors opened up to me on my travels that would have remained closed for others. “She’s American,” locals would exclaim to each other, wide-eyed, when I opened my mouth to speak. At first, I would try to tell them that I’m actually a Canadian studying in the United States, but it all got too confusing; anyway they didn’t really care about Canada, so after a while I just stopped trying.

Everywhere I went, people seemed to be obsessed with America.

I discovered that being treated like royalty isn’t uncommon when you’re a “Westerner” traveling abroad. Conversely, my parents’ accounts of hardship, discrimination, and sacrifice aren’t unusual for non-Western immigrants and refugees.

The next time you embark on a big adventure, remember that you carry much more than what’s in your bags. Remember that in your wallet, you carry the dollar, against which most other currencies in the world are matched. Your thin passports represent how lucky you are to travel visa-free to 166 countries. Your voice projects a widely recognized version of the world’s most universal language.

In light of today’s unfolding refugee crisis, remember that not everyone has your freedom of mobility.

This story first appeared on The Development Set and is reprinted here with permission. This is a shortened version of the original piece.

Planet

Our favorite giveaway is back. Enter to win a free, fun date! 🌊 💗

It's super easy, no purchase or donation necessary, and you help our oceans! That's what we call a win-win-win. Enter here.

Our favorite giveaway is back. Enter to win a free, fun date! 🌊 💗
True

Our love for the ocean runs deep. Does yours? Enter here!

This Valentine’s Day, we're bringing back our favorite giveaway with Ocean Wise. You have the chance to win the ultimate ocean-friendly date. Our recommendation? Celebrate love for all your people this Valentine's Day! Treat your mom friends to a relaxing spa trip, take your best friend to an incredible concert, or enjoy a beach adventure with your sibling! Whether you're savoring a romantic seafood dinner or enjoying a movie night in, your next date could be on us!

Here’s how to enter:


  • Go to upworthy.com/oceandate and complete the quick form for a chance to win - it’s as easy as that.
  • P.S. If you follow @oceanwise or donate after entering, you’ll get extra entries!

Here are the incredible dates:

1. Give mom some relaxation

She’s up before the sun and still going at bedtime. She’s the calendar keeper, the lunch packer, the one who remembers everything so no one else has to. Moms are always creating magic for us. This Valentine’s Day, we’re all in for her. Win an eco-friendly spa day near you, plus a stash of All In snack bars—because she deserves a treat that’s as real as she is. Good for her, kinder to the ocean. That’s the kind of love we can all get behind.


Special thanks to our friends at All In who are all in on helping moms!

2. Jump in the ocean, together

Grab your favorite person and get some much-needed ocean time. Did you know research on “blue spaces” suggests that being near water is linked with better mental health and well-being, including feeling calmer and less stressed? We’ll treat you to a beach adventure like a surfing or sailing class, plus ocean-friendly bags from GOT Bag and blankets from Sand Cloud so your day by the water feels good for you and a little gentler on the ocean too.

Special thanks to our friends at GOT Bag. They make saving the ocean look stylish and fun!

3. Couch potato time

Love nights in as much as you love a date night out? We’ve got you. Have friends over for a movie night or make it a cozy night in with your favorite person. You’ll get a Disney+ and Hulu subscription so you can watch Nat Geo ocean content, plus a curated list of ocean-friendly documentaries and a movie-night basket of snacks. Easy, comfy, and you’ll probably come out of it loving the ocean even more.

4. Dance all day!

Soak up the sun and catch a full weekend of live music at BeachLife Festival in Redondo Beach, May 1–3, 2026, featuring Duran Duran, The Offspring, James Taylor and His All-Star Band, The Chainsmokers, My Morning Jacket, Slightly Stoopid, and Sheryl Crow. The perfect date to bring your favorite person on!

We also love that BeachLife puts real energy into protecting the coastline it’s built on by spotlighting ocean and beach-focused nonprofit partners and hosting community events like beach cleanups.

Date includes two (2) three-day GA tickets. Does not include accommodation, travel, or flights.

5. Chef it up (at home)

Stay in and cook something delicious with someone you love. We’ll hook you up with sustainable seafood ingredients and some additional goodies for a dinner for two, so you can eat well and feel good knowing your meal supports healthier oceans and more responsible fishing.

Giveaway ends 2/15/26 at 11:59pm PT. Winners will be selected at random and contacted via email from the Upworthy. No purchase necessary. Open to residents of the U.S. and specific Canadian provinces that have reached age of majority in their state/province/territory of residence at the time. Please see terms and conditions for specific instructions. Giveaway not affiliated with Instagram. More details at upworthy.com/oceandate

quiet, finger over lips, don't talk, keep it to yourself, silence

A woman with her finger over her mouth.

It can be hard to stay quiet when you feel like you just have to speak your mind. But sometimes it's not a great idea to share your opinions on current events with your dad or tell your boss where they're wrong in a meeting. And having a bit of self-control during a fight with your spouse is a good way to avoid apologizing the next morning.

Further, when we fight the urge to talk when it's not necessary, we become better listeners and give others a moment in the spotlight to share their views. Building that small mental muscle to respond to events rather than react can make all the difference in social situations.


argument, coworkers, angry coworkers, hostile work enviornment, disagreement A woman is getting angry at her coworker.via Canva/Photos

What is the WAIT method?

One way people have honed the skill of holding back when they feel the burning urge to speak up is the WAIT method, an acronym for the question you should ask yourself in that moment: "Why Am I Talking?" Pausing to consider the question before you open your mouth can shift your focus from "being heard" to "adding value" to any conversation.

The Center for The Empowerment Dynamic has some questions we should consider after taking a WAIT moment:

  • What is my intention behind what I am about to say?
  • What question can I ask to better understand what the other person is saying?
  • Is my need to talk an attempt to divert the attention to me?
  • How might I become comfortable with silence rather than succumb to my urge to talk?

tape over muth, sielnce, be quiet, mouth shut, saying nothing A man with tape over his mouth.via Canva/Photos

The WAIT method is a good way to avoid talking too much. In work meetings, people who overtalk risk losing everyone's attention and diluting their point to the extent that others aren't quite sure what they were trying to say. Even worse, they can come across as attention hogs or know-it-alls. Often, the people who get to the heart of the matter succinctly are the ones who are noticed and respected.

Just because you're commanding the attention of the room doesn't mean you're doing yourself any favors or helping other people in the conversation.

The WAIT method is also a great way to give yourself a breather and let things sit for a moment during a heated, emotional discussion. It gives you a chance to cool down and rethink your goals for the conversation. It can also help you avoid saying something you regret.

fight, spuse disagreement, communications skills, upset husband, argument A husband is angry with his wife. via Canva/Photos

How much should I talk in a meeting?

So if it's a work situation, like a team meeting, you don't want to be completely silent. How often should you speak up?

Cary Pfeffer, a speaking coach and media trainer, shared an example of the appropriate amount of time to talk in a meeting with six people:

"I would suggest a good measure would be three contributions over an hour-long meeting from each non-leader participant. If anyone is talking five/six/seven times you are over-participating! Allow someone else to weigh in, even if that means an occasional awkward silence. Anything less seems like your voice is just not being represented, and anything over three contributions is too much."

Ultimately, the WAIT method is about taking a second to make sure you're not just talking to hear yourself speak. It helps ensure that you have a clear goal for participating in the conversation and that you're adding value for others. Knowing when and why to say something is the best way to make a positive contribution and avoid shooting yourself in the foot.

decluttering, making decluttering fun, decluttering ideas, items to donate, goodwill, how to declutter, decluttering tips

Left: A woman holding her finger up to convey a secret. Right: A hand placing an antique item on a window ledge.

For many of us, decluttering is a necessary evil. We take no joy in it, other than knowing our lives might run a little more smoothly afterward. It's sort of like going to the dentist or getting an oil change.

But like so many of life's mundanities, could decluttering become something we actually look forward to if we found a way to infuse a little playfulness?


For Stephanie Patrick, that meant secretly leaving random items at other people's houses.

In a mega-viral Instagram clip, Patrick is seen placing a tiny bar of soap, a small creamer pitcher, and a vintage glass tealight candle holder on different countertops, accompanied by the caption, "Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do."

The video has been viewed more than 25 million times, with thousands of people praising Patrick for her "diabolical" yet "genius" idea. Here are just a few of the reactions:

"A clever menace. I love it."

"This is amazing. They are going to go crazy asking each other 'where did this come from? Do you know where this came from?'"

"I have never felt so inspired in my whole entire life."

"UNHEIST"

"Reverse burglary"

This isn't Patrick's first, ahem, unconventional decluttering idea. In another video, we see her placing random items—a picture frame, a mini sewing kit, a sequined heart pillow, and yet another tealight candle holder—along the aisles of Hobby Lobby. Retail sticker and everything.

"I'm sure they will sell eventually," she wrote.

While leaving items for retail workers to deal with isn't the best option, Patrick clarified in the comments that she only "pretended" to leave the items behind. Still, there's something to be said for gamifying decluttering so the process itself becomes a bit more enjoyable.

Here are a few ideas procured from around the web:

Creative ways to make decluttering fun

- YouTube www.youtube.com

Hanger reversal

Turn all your hangers the wrong way. When you wear an item, flip the hanger back. After six months, donate anything that's still reversed.

The "no-thing" prize

Reward yourself with an experience, like a movie or dessert, rather than more items.

Take the 12-12-12 challenge

Locate 12 items to throw away, 12 to donate, and 12 to return to their proper homes. You can customize the challenge however you see fit.

Take before-and-after photos of a small area

Choose one part of your home, like a kitchen counter, and take a photo of a small area. Quickly clear away the items in the photo, then take an after shot. Once you see how your home could look, it becomes easier to start decluttering other areas.

Play the "minimalism game"

Created by Joshua Fields Millburn and Ryan Nicodemus ("The Minimalists"), this game has you determine how many items you'll declutter based on the day of the week, such as 20 items on the 20th. You can find a free printable by clicking here.

Decluttering jar

A "declutter jar" contains color-coded sticks for each area of the house. The kitchen might be marked blue, with each blue stick representing a specific area, such as the pantry, under the sink, the junk drawer, or the cup shelf. Whatever stick you draw is the area you declutter. No decision-making necessary.

The "moving method"

Pretend you're moving into a smaller, but swankier, home and only keep what you absolutely love or need. Tap into your imagination while making room for real life. A win-win.

Lastly, never underestimate the power of simply throwing on a bangin' decluttering playlist. Whatever route gets you there is the route worth taking. Of course, if you follow in Patrick's footsteps, you might have some explaining to do to your friends.

arthur c. brooks, harvard, psychology, happiness research, bucket list

Harvard researcher Arthur C. Brooks studies what leads to human happiness.

We live in a society that prizes ambition, celebrating goal-setting, and hustle culture as praiseworthy vehicles on the road to success. We also live in a society that associates successfully getting whatever our hearts desire with happiness. The formula we internalize from an early age is that desire + ambition + goal-setting + doing what it takes = a successful, happy life.

But as Harvard University happiness researcher Arthur C. Brooks has found, in his studies as well as his own experience, that happiness doesn't follow that formula. "It took me too long to figure this one out," Brooks told podcast host Tim Ferris, explaining why he uses a "reverse bucket list" to live a happier life.


bucket list, wants, desires, goals, detachment Many people make bucket lists of things they want in life. Giphy

Brooks shared that on his birthday, he would always make a list of his desires, ambitions, and things he wanted to accomplish—a bucket list. But when he was 50, he found his bucket list from when he was 40 and had an epiphany: "I looked at that list from when I was 40, and I'd checked everything off that list. And I was less happy at 50 than I was at 40."

As a social scientist, he recognized that he was doing something wrong and analyzed it.

"This is a neurophysiological problem and a psychological problem all rolled into one handy package," he said. "I was making the mistake of thinking that my satisfaction would come from having more. And the truth of the matter is that lasting and stable satisfaction, which doesn't wear off in a minute, comes when you understand that your satisfaction is your haves divided by your wants…You can increase your satisfaction temporarily and inefficiently by having more, or permanently and securely by wanting less."

Brooks concluded that he needed a "reverse bucket list" that would help him "consciously detach" from his worldly wants and desires by simply writing them down and crossing them off.

"I know that these things are going to occur to me as natural goals," Brooks said, citing human evolutionary psychology. "But I do not want to be owned by them. I want to manage them." He discussed moving those desires from the instinctual limbic system to the conscious pre-frontal cortex by examining each one and saying, "Maybe I get it, maybe I don't," but crossing them off as attachments. "And I'm free…it works," he said.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

"When I write them down, I acknowledge that I have the desire," he explained on X. "When I cross them out, I acknowledge that I will not be attached to this goal."

The idea that attachment itself causes unhappiness is a concept found in many spiritual traditions, but it is most closely associated with Buddhism. Mike Brooks, PhD, explains that humans need healthy attachments, such as an attachment to staying alive and attachments to loved ones, to avoid suffering. But many things to which we are attached are not necessarily healthy, either by degree (over-attachment) or by nature (being attached to things that are impermanent).

"We should strive for flexibility in our attachments because the objects of our attachment are inherently in flux," Brooks writes in Psychology Today. "In this way, we suffer unnecessarily when we don't accept their impermanent nature."

What Arthur C. Brooks suggests that we strive to detach ourselves from our wants and desires because the simplest way to solve the 'haves/wants = happiness' formula is to reduce the denominator. The reverse bucket list, in which you cross off desires before you fulfill them, can help free you from attachment and lead to a happier overall existence.

This article originally appeared last year.

Culture

Woman creates 1940s-inspired home to pay off her mortgage in just 8 years

She shared 10 frugal living tips to help transform people's budgets.

1940s, mortgage, vintage house, 1940s house, frugality
Photo credit: Canva, Karola G from Pexels (left) / Doina Gherban's Images (right)

Left: A woman holding money. Right: A toy house in a person's hand.

Anyone who can pay off their mortgage early should be applauded and probably grilled with questions about how they pulled off that minor miracle. Hannah, a content creator from Nottingham, England, made it happen partly by taking inspiration from the 1940s, both in and out of the two-bedroom home she shares with her mother. She documented her approach in an intriguing YouTube video titled "10 Frugal Living Tips from the 1940s That Still Work Today."

Hannah opens the clip with some backstory. She grew up in a one-income household, learning fiscal responsibility from her mother, and together they worked hard to pay off the mortgage on their current home in eight years.


"For as long as I can remember, we've lived in a certain way to get by," she says. "But as I've gotten older and become interested in history, I've discovered another incredible teacher: our ancestors."

Learning from the past also aligned with her love of retro aesthetics, and she's documented both on her social media channels under the name Real Vintage Dolls House.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

Making what you have last

Not all of her frugality tips will work for everyone, since no two situations are identical. For example, she doesn't have children. Still, her advice covers a wide range, from escaping a more-is-more mindset to scaling back food costs. Several points fall into the latter category, including the importance of cooking from scratch.

"In the '40s, people were forced to make rationed food go further," she says. "Nowadays, eating out and takeaways are just so expensive, so this quickly became a very occasional treat for us, not a weekly staple."

She keeps a "modest" pantry of ingredients, like potatoes, that can be stretched to make them last. In addition, she mainly drinks tap water, coffee, and tea, and grows her own fruits and vegetables in the garden.

Several tips focus on doing more around the house, such as using "useful and cheap beauty hacks" like homemade soap, working out at home instead of paying for an expensive gym membership, and cutting heating bills by staying warm with clothes and blankets. That also ties into a broader point about "secondhand living." Hannah says that "almost everything" in her house was purchased secondhand or handed down, including her refrigerator.

"Of course, buying secondhand does limit your choices, but I actually like that because it lessens my decision fatigue," she says. "And if something isn't quite right, I can use my agency and skills to repair it or amend it. And if I don't have these skills then I can learn them, often for free. In the '40s, they called this 'make do and mend.' [By maintaining old items] you're freeing yourself from the upgrade loop."

- YouTube www.youtube.com

Experiences over stuff

Elsewhere, Hannah recommends walking as much as possible to save on gas money and maintaining a "capsule clothing plan," in which you carefully curate a small closet of versatile items with a long shelf life. Finally, she stresses the importance of experiences over things: "If there's one thing that the 1940s has taught me, it's the simple ways that people spent their time to still find enjoyment and pleasure. Picnics, walks, a cup of tea at a cafe: all experience-driven, rather than wallet-driven."

Hannah spoke about her home (and her love of the 1940s) with The Daily Mail in 2021:

"The house is kind of like an ode to my grandpa, who was born in 1936. He was a significant part of my life and really got me interested in the 40s era as a kid—I was enamored by his droplets of wisdom. My nan's taste in vintage and eccentric fashion has also inspired me to dress quirky."

Given the financial hardships they endured, people from the Greatest Generation and Silent Generation may have valuable frugality advice to offer. People on Reddit recently shared tips they learned firsthand from older family members, ranging from hang-drying clothes to driving in ways that reduce wear and tear on their cars.

"My grandma rinsed and reused foil until it crumbled," one user wrote. "I rolled my eyes then, now I catch myself doing it. Funny how those 'silly' habits end up smart."

- YouTube www.youtube.com

influencer, selfoe, content creator, influencer in publish, filiming self

An influencer filming himself in public.

To be human is to navigate a complex world of pretense and subterfuge. You gotta fake it 'til you make it. You have to look the part and play the role. You tell white lies to help others save face and to adhere to rigid cultural norms that are too ingrained to bother challenging.

That's not to say it's all bad. Culture is always evolving, and some behaviors and attitudes that are completely "normal" in one period are seen as completely backward just a few years later. Just 40 years ago, corporal punishment of children was normal, mental health issues were seen as personal weakness, and sexual harassment in the workplace was rampant.


Things do get better, but first we have to point them out. Recently, a Redditor asked, "What's a social norm that you think is absolutely ridiculous?" to highlight today's cultural norms that people find absurd. Many commenters pointed out the excuses and white lies we tell in our social lives to avoid making our friends (and ourselves) uncomfortable. Others called out rigid gender roles we take for granted but deserve questioning.

Here are 15 social norms that people find "absolutely ridiculous"

1. The expectation that women have to wear makeup

"The expectation that women must wear makeup to look professional. A clean, washed face should be professional enough for any job i think."

"And being asked if you are sick or tired just because you aren't wearing a full face of makeup."

makeup, foundation, woman's face, strawberry blonde, woman in mirror A woman putting on makeup.via Canva/Photos

2. Faking workplace passion

"Pretending to be passionate about jobs in interviews when everyone knows it's just to pay bills."

"I applied to McDonald's in college and they asked me why I wanted the job. I said, very calmly, 'I need money and you need people, I don't understand the question.' Recruiter almost fell under the table laughing, I don't think he expected a blunt answer like that."

3. Having to justify turning down an invite

"People often feel they can't just decline an invitation or request with a simple I can't make it or 'that doesn't work for me instead there's this pressure to provide a detailed justification or excuse that proves you have a 'legitimate' reason. And if your reason is just 'I don't want to' or I need time to myself that's often not considered acceptable."

"'Don't make excuses. Your friends don't need them, and your enemies won't believe them,' — unknown."

4. Why we can't judge the dead

"Acting like someone was wonderful just because they're dead. There are absolutely some people that get and deserve a good riddance."

"It really rubs me the wrong way when a person who did or said terrible things died and suddenly all is forgot and they're a hero."

5. Influencers creating in public

"Turning public spaces into personal film studios for content creation and then getting mad when the public does public things and interrupts said content creation."

"This is not a norm. It's rude and should be treated as such. We were at the Louvre last year, and some influencer was trying to get people to move away from 'Liberty Leading the People' so she could film herself contemplating it. Lady, it's the size of a pickleball court. No one gets that much space to themselves there. She was so angry that other people kept looking at the art."

influencer, selfoe, content creator, influencer in publish, filiming self An influencer filming himself.via Canva/Photos

6. Why we always have to be reachable

"Probably the whole 'always be reachable' thing. Like, if you don't reply to a message within 10 minutes, people assume something's wrong, or you're mad. Sometimes I'm just eating or staring at a wall, man. I think phones have blurred the line between urgent and not urgent, and now everyone feels low-key on call all the time. Would be nice if slower replies were normal again."

7. Oversharing on social media

"Everyone posting every aspect of their lives on social media for all to see."

"We should all know less about each other."

Why do some people overshare? In a 2022 study, researchers identified three main reasons. First, people tend to overvalue the positives and undervalue the risks when posting online. They overestimate the benefits and underestimate the downsides of oversharing. Second, oversharing has been linked to anxiety, with some people posting as a way to cope with difficult feelings. Finally, because people often feel relatively anonymous online, even when their name and face are attached to a post, they may feel freer to overshare.

selfie, social media, girl taking photo, filming yourself, smiling girl A woman taking a photo of herself in her bedroom. via Canva/Photos

8. Elbows on the table being considered rude

"That was a social rule from the medieval age - tavern 'tables' were planks of wood laid on top of stumps. If someone put their elbows on that plank, the whole table would see-saw and chuck everyone's refreshments across the room."

"I was taught that it's because it seems like you're guarding your food, like an animal."

It's believed that the "elbows on the table" rule dates back to the Middle Ages, when feasts and festivals were jam-packed affairs and people were crammed around tables. Placing your elbows on the table, like spreading your legs on the subway, meant your neighbor had less room. You might even knock an elbow into their blackbird pie.

9. The need to be intoxicated

"The need to have alcohol at social events otherwise they are not fun or worth it to go to. Peer pressuring folks for not wanting to drink and making them out to seem boring or unfun. Having drug usage/alcohol as a personality trait."

"I tell people I'm straight edge, and they look at me like I'm some kind of monster. I once got told, to my face, someone who has never drank or smoked or done a drug is not a trustworthy person."

drunk guy, intoxicated guy, santa hat, brief case,beer A drunk guy passed out.via Canva/Photos

10. Period shame

"Acting like periods are something to be ashamed of. Never understood as a teenager why people would smuggle their pads into the toilet or whisper about their period or peel back the wrappers really quietly so no one else could hear it. It's completely natural and nothing to be ashamed of. I make an effort as an adult to openly carry pads and talk about it openly. We need to stop acting like it's a big taboo!"

11. Taking the man's last name

"Women and children taking the man's last name by default."

"I think you should have to smoosh the names together to make a new surname, and if you get remarried, you keep smooshing names."

12. Men have to propose

"Believing the male partner in a straight relationship must be the one to propose marriage."

"Or believing that a proposal has to be a grand gesture. My husband proposed to me on his front porch with, 'Hey, you don't happen to want to marry me or anything, do you?' Was it romantic? No. But he did manage to get the point across. This summer we'll be married 38 years."

13. Wearing a tie

“'Humans are the only species that start the day with a noose around their necks,' Source : unknown."

"I still wish we adopted the double necktie as seen in Back to the Future Part II in the far distant future of 2015."

tie, putting on a tie, tying a tie, pink shirt, dress up A man adjusting his tie.via Canva/Photos

14. Smartphones being everywhere

"I've seeing a lot of waiting rooms lately, and I'm trying to just sit there without looking at my phone, and I'm realizing how captivating it is. Everyone is plugged in."

"I agree it's great. As an introvert, to look up and realise NO ONE IS LOOKING AT YOU is like being king of that little space."

15. Saying you're "fine" when you're not

"Being expected to say 'fine' when someone asks how you are, no matter how not fine you feel. Also apologizing when someone else bumps into you, and pretending emails need fake pleasantries instead of just getting to the point."

"Some days when life isn't fine, and someone asks me how life's going, I tell them it's certainly going, they should get the message at that point."