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Joy

Someone asked what they should know about having a cat. Thousands of people offered input.

There's so much more we know about cats now than previous generations did.

gray cat with chin being scratched by a person's finger

Cat ownership is a delightful but serious commitment.

Anyone who's had a cat knows how bringing a feline friend into your life makes a huge impact in both positive and not-so-positive ways. Our pet cats might bring us great delight, but they also come with some quirks, oddities and other things people who are thinking about getting a cat should prepare for.

That's why when someone asked, "What does one need to know before getting a cat?" on Reddit, thousands of cat owners chimed in with information and advice.

In generations past, cat were seen as largely self-sufficient. That's still somewhat true in comparison to dogs, but we've learned a lot more about cats that has changed (and improved) the way cat owners care for their kitties.

Here are the main things people say those considering getting a cat should know before committing:


Cats come as they are

People often joke about how their cats are oddballs, but it's a universal truth. Cats are quirky. If you've never had a cat and think they don't have much personality, you're entirely mistaken.

"Every cat has its own personality. It might not match your expectation."

"Every cat is at least a bit of a psychopath."

"Cats are the best pets for people with control issues... Because nothing is going to give you non stop lessons in something you can't control like a cat."

"That their character is complete luck of the draw. You might get one who really enjoys humans...or one who hates them. Or one who only wants to be near them but not touched. Or one that will crawl on your lap every change it gets. You do not know what kind of cat you'll get. If you're willing to take that gamble....go ahead."

"Cats have much stronger personalities than dogs do and often times can't be trained out of that personality the way dogs can. If you get a kitten, it's the luck of the draw whether you get a cat that's very cuddly and affectionate or one that's standoffish and doesn't like to be pet. Even two cats who are raised identically together can be wildly different in how receptive they are to people. If you have a specific idea of what you want out of a cat, such as if you like a lap cat who likes to go to bed with you, you should look into rescuing adult cats who already have their personalities developed."

Kittens choose violence

If you think kittens are cute and cuddly, you couldn't be more right. But also, they have razor blades on their feet and they will tear your extremities apart with them.

"As babies they sometimes like violence."

kittens playingKittens are cute, but their tiny claws and teeth are SHARP.Photo credit: Canva

"Yeah, they start off cute and then bam—you're covered in scratches, and it’s all because the sock looked at them wrong."

"They come with factory installed murder paws."

"They all like violence. You can never anticipate when they will choose violence."

"Getting a second kitten will help with this!! They can be violent with each other and teach each other boundaries, rather than having one lonely violent kitten constantly slicing up your hands and feet."

Cats like routine

For creatures who seem so aloof, cats are surprisingly very routine-oriented and don't like change much. Moving around furniture, going out of town or changing their feeding schedule can throw them off and cause stress.

"Cats are big fans of routines. They know when breakfast/dinner is, when playtime is and when you get home. If their routine is disrupted and these things happen sooner or later than they’re used to, they may get upset.

They’re also not fans of change in their environment. A new person or pet moving in, furniture being rearranged, new food, new litter, etc. can all unsettle a cat, make them feel unsafe and drive them to hide."

"Don't make abrupt changes. It is recommended that all changes should be subtle and in little steps. If you're going to move its bowl, or the litter box, it is advised to do it slowly. They don't react well to abrupt changes. Moving to another house or city can be really traumatic, leaving them stressed out for months."

cat in a boxChanges like moving can be hard on cats.Photo credit: Canva

Cats like cleanliness—but also chaos

Cats are naturally clean, barring any health or disability issues. They don't need to be bathed like dogs, and oddly their fur tends to smell really good. But they also want you to keep their litter box clean and will find ways to let you know if you are falling short on that front.

Oh, and they also like to make messes for fun, like total hypocrites.

"Keep the litterbox clean. They don't like it dirty. Cats like cleaniness."

"If you keep the litter box clean, most cats (of course, there are always exceptions) will vastly prefer that to any other location."

"If you don't keep their litter box in pristine, shiny, brand new condition, they'll just shit on the floor right in front of it."

"They don’t need to be bathed. They are self cleaning!"

"If you leave a glass of water unattended, that glass will be in a broken puddle on the floor when you come back."

"Mine would always wait for me to come back in view, then look me in the eye as she knocked the glass onto the floor."

Cats can be taken out by a bouquet

This one may come a surprise to many people, but some plants, especially certain flowers, are highly toxic to cats. And some of them can't help but chew on plants, which makes displaying flowers in your home a challenge. So expect a lot of "Is XYZ plant toxic to cats?" Google searches.

"Many ordinary house plants can kill your cat. Same with bouquets of flowers. Lilies are a big one but there are lots of others. Check all existing plants in your house before the cat comes home, don’t let new plants in without checking them."

"If you have houseplants, be prepared to part with any that are toxic to the cat. Some will take the risk, but the cats welfare is higher priority than you liking interior decor - which goes for anything breakable or edible also."

"Lilies are the real danger. Some lily-like flowers, such as alstroemeria (Peruvian lily), are not true lilies, so they are not as problematic. But true lilies can cause kidney failure in cats."

cat with flowersSome flowers can be deadly for cats.Photo credit: Canva

"My coworkers cat is in end stage renal failure from being near lilies."

"Plants can be a big risk; especially lily’s, but many common house plants are toxic."

Cats hide their suffering

Cat communicate in all kinds of way—meowing, purring, growling, hissing, ekekekek-ing and more—but they don't tend to let you know when they're in pain or discomfort. Stoic little buggers, so regular vet checkups and watching for subtle behavioral changes are really important.

"They are really good at hiding symptoms. Make sure to get them checked regularly. If the cat starts showing symptoms of a disease, it's probably already too late to fix."

"They do not let you know when something is wrong with them…or, I should say, they do in extremely subtle ways.

Dogs usually make it pretty obvious when something isn’t right with them. With cats; if you’re not paying attention - you won’t know until it’s bad."

"Sometimes 'behavioral' issues like hiding/going to the bathroom outside the litter box are sign of health issues!"

Cats need their claws

Some people declaw cats to try to save their furniture, but it's not a harmless procedure. Major vet organizations recommend against it, providing alternatives for discouraging problematic clawing behavior.

"Do not declaw your cat. Ever. That's horribly painful and is the equivalent of cutting off the first joint of all your fingers."

"If you intend on declawing a cat, do NOT get a cat."

"This so much. A friend of mine was thinking of getting her 1 year old kitten declawed and I had to tell her what they do and she was appalled. She has since trained him to use his scratching post and not her couch and she occasionally trims them or has the vet do it."

orange kitten having claws trimmedTrimming, yes. Declawing, no. Photo credit: Canva

"Trim your little kitten's claws regularly, even if all you take off is a hairsbreadth. Gets them used to having their paws handled that way."

Cats often do better in pairs

Cats can be solitary, but they often prefer to have furry friends of their own. Paired cats will often play together, groom one another and provide an outlet for their "zoomy" energy.

"They typically do well in pairs! People don’t often think they need companionship but they do."

"Consider getting two. Hear me out. As kittens, two are far less work for the human because they can play with and entertain each other, and they will naturally teach each other boundaries like how to not bite or scratch too hard. As adults, I would not say it’s a huge increase in work or cost as far as litter box and food goes.

Cats are naturally very social animals, despite pop culture representing otherwise. Some cats choose to be solitary, some cats have simply adapted to solitude because they have never had a friend. Two cats are truly better than one."

Cats should be indoors

People have differing opinions on this one, but it's generally recommended that cats be kept indoors for their own well-being as well as the safety of wildlife. Cats are predators pose a danger to bird populations especially.
"Please consider making your cat an indoor cat. Outdoor cats have a higher death rate than indoor cats, which is pretty self explanatory as there is a much higher rate of traffic accidents, attacks by other animals, getting lost/stuck places. It’s not fair on your cat, bordering on neglect, to just let it run around unsupervised outside all day.

The other thing to say about outdoor cats is how devastating they are for the local ecology. They hunt for fun, and each cat will be responsible for the deaths of probably hundreds of small birds, rodents, insects and lizards every year. Studies have shown that domestic cats have been directly responsible for the extinction of many species.

Outdoor cats are not a good idea for us, you, and them…"

"One important thing to remember is that cats that live exclusively indoors are healthier and live longer. Cats that roam are at risk of being killed by cars and dogs, and injured by getting into fights with other cats, or contracting illnesses from other cats (feline AIDS). Infection from another cats claws in a fight can lead to your cat being maimed or even dying. Roaming cats also kill a huge amount of wildlife, and it's estimated that roaming pet cats are responsible for the deaths of a billion native species in Australia every year."

"Keep your cat indoors. Cats that roam have an average life expectancy of 2-5 years due to cars, dogs, poisons, other cats, weather, wild animals, disease.... Indoor cats can live 15-20 years, depending on how dedicated their owner is to regular vaccinations and checkups, quality food and mental, social and physical stimulation."

cat on a person's lapCats can be sweet companions.Photo credit: Canva

Cats are a commitment

Indoor cat live a long time, so if you're starting with a kitten, be prepared for the long haul. But also, be prepared to be attached to your kitty and miss them dearly when they're gone.

"It’s a commitment of 12-20 years. Make sure you are:

  1. Not allergic
  2. Financially able to provide food and medical care (I recommend getting pet insurance, its saved my cats lives several times)
  3. Allowed to have pets where you live."

"It can be a 15 - to 20-year commitment. They are also the best companion ever."

"Yeah, nobody told me when I was 19 that this cat would be alive when I was 40!"

"And at the end you'll wish it was longer."

"Your cat(s) will become very important to you so make sure you’re ready for some emotional attachment because even when they piss you off, they are now your master and you must provide them the attention and love they require, whatever that entails."

That's basically cat ownership wrapped up in a nutshell.


Joy

5 ways people are going "All In" this week

From the silly to the sentimental, there are so many ways people like to go “all in” on something. Here are our five favorite examples this week.

5 ways people are going "All In" this week
5 ways people are going "All In" this week
5 ways people are going "All In" this week
True

When you hear the words “all in,” what do you think? You might think of getting groovy at a nursing home, a french bulldog having a total breakdown in the drive-thru, or maybe even a snack bar company promoting self care. Whatever you picture, the idea is the same: Going “all in” means doing something with total commitment—literally giving it your “all” and going completely over the top. No second guessing, no holding back—just full-throttle enthusiasm with some creativity and flair thrown in. That’s how we get those viral internet moments we can’t stop watching.


This DWTS dance trend 

If you’ve been watching TV or on the internet this week, you might have seen the viral dance move Dylan Efron and Daniella Karagach performed while on Dancing With The Stars (DWTS) last week. The one particular move, where Dylan holds Daniella as she does a mid-air horizontal walk, is going viral with over 8k videos using the sound. Some of my personal favorites include a mom and her baby, two girls or a girl and her cat, proving this dance trend is truly for anyone to try.

All In on Fiber

Speaking of trends, there’s one that really is about going “all in”, it’s called #fibermaxxing. After years of protein being the biggest nutrition trend, it looks like fiber might be taking over. For good reason too, while protein can cause issues with digestion, fiber can lead to better digestion, blood sugar management, weight control and reduced disease risk. Our friends at All In made a video explaining the #fibermaxxing trend. Each All In bar has 6 to 7 grams of fiber , plus they are delicious. Don't take our word for it, though: Click here to try it yourself (for free).

This child's long hair

This creator went all in… on pranking the audience. I don’t want to give away the contents of this video, but let’s just say it’s creative- and it made me quite literally laugh out loud. There are a lot of "momfluencers" out there who make content that uses their children, and as relatable and heartfelt as it is, sometimes a little satire break is worth appreciating.

Two entrepreneurs getting down to business


Lots of people dabble in entrepreneurship. These two went "all in" on helping others learn it. After four years of interviews with CEOs , research, edits, and a Penguin Random House book deal (yes, seriously), their book, Down to Business, has made its way into classrooms and libraries around the world. Now they are teaching other kids that age is not a barrier to entry in entrepreneurship; the earlier you start, the further you can go—and an entrepreneurial mindset will serve you no matter what you do in life.

Bridesmaids who went all in

Last on our list; two bridesmaids who committed to the bit. These ladies went “all in” in their remake of the legendary scene from the movie “Bridesmaids”. If you haven’t seen the original movie, starring Kristen Wig and Maya Rudolph, this might be your sign.

In the viral TikTok this bride, Caroline, had no idea what was coming when she put on her favorite movie while getting ready for her big day. The fact that she wanted to watch her favorite show before her bridesmaids surprised her, makes this going “all in” surprise all the better.

Snag your free (!!) snack bar here while this deal lasts. Just pick up a bar at Sprouts and text a pic ofv your receipt to get it for free. Enoy!

beavers, beaver dam, animals, wildlife, ecosystem, nature, earth, sustainability, deserts, waterways, rivers, pollution, climate change

Can outsider beavers save this dried up river?

It's not easy being a river in the desert under the best of circumstances. The ecosystem exists in a very delicate balance, allowing water sources to thrive in the harsh conditions. These water sources in otherwise extremely dry areas are vital to the survival of unique wildlife, agriculture, and even tourism as they provide fresh drinking water for the people who live nearby.

But man-made problems like climate change, over-farming, and pollution have made a tough job even tougher in some areas. Rivers in Utah and Colorado part of the Colorado River Basin have been barely surviving the extremely harsh drought season. When the riverbeds get too dry, fish and other aquatic creatures die off and the wildfire risk increases dramatically.


About six years ago, one team of researchers had a fascinating idea to restore the health of some of Utah's most vulnerable rivers: Bring in the beavers.

beavers, beaver dam, animals, wildlife, ecosystem, nature, earth, sustainability, deserts, waterways, rivers, pollution, climate change Beaver on riverbank. Canva Photos

In 2019, master's student Emma Doden and a team of researchers from Utah State University began a "translocation" project to bring displaced beavers to areas like Utah's Price River, in the hopes of bringing it back to life.

Why beavers? Well, it just makes dam sense! (Sorry.)

In all seriousness, beaver dams restrict the flow of water in some areas of a river, creating ponds and wetlands. In drought-stricken areas, fish and other wildlife can take refuge in the ponds while the rest of the river runs dry, thus riding out the danger until it rains again.

When beavers are present in a watershed, the benefits are unbelievable: Better water quality, healthier fish populations, better nutrient availability, and fewer or less severe wildfires.

It's why beavers have earned the title of "keystone species," or any animal that has a disproportionate impact on the ecosystem around them.

beaver, dam, dam building, nature, ecosystem Pbs Nature Swimming GIF by Nature on PBS Giphy

Doden and her team took beavers who were captured or removed from their original homes due to their being a "nuisance," interfering with infrastructure, or being endangered, and—after a short period of quarantine—were brought to the Price River.

Despite the research team's best efforts, not all the translocated beavers have survived or stayed put over the years. Some have trouble adapting to their new home and die off or are killed by predators, while others leave of their own accord.

But sine 2019, enough have stayed and built dams that the team is starting to see the results of the effort. In fact, beaver projects just like this one have been going on all over the state in recent years.

- YouTube youtu.be

The water levels in the river are now the healthiest they've been in years. The fish are thriving and Utah residents are overjoyed with the experiment's results.

According to an early 2025 column in The Salt Lake Tribune (i.e. six years after the beaver translocation began) the revitalization of the Price River has "helped save [our] Utah town."

"A tributary of the Colorado River, the Price River runs through downtown Helper," wrote column authors Lenise Peterman and Jordan Nielson. "On a warm day, you’re likely to find the river filled with tourists and locals kayaking, tubing and fishing along its shore. A decade ago, it was hard to imagine this scene—and the thriving recreation economy that comes with it—was possible."

Of course, it wasn't JUST the beavers. Other federal water cleanup investments helped remove debris, break down old and malfunctioning dams, and place tighter regulations on agriculture grazing in the area that depleted vital plant life.

But the experts know that the beavers, and their incredible engineering work, are the real MVPs.

beavers, beaver dam, animals, wildlife, ecosystem, nature, earth, sustainability, deserts, waterways, rivers, pollution, climate change An actual beaver dam on the now-thriving Price River Public Domain

In other drying, struggling rivers in the area, researchers are bringing in beavers and even creating manmade beaver dams. They're hoping that the critters will take over the job as the rivers get healthier.

Utah's San Rafael River, which is in bleak condition, is a prime candidate. In one area of the river, a natural flood inspired a host of beavers to return to the area and "riparian habitat along that stretch had increased by 230%, and it had the most diverse flow patterns of anywhere on the river," according to KUER.

It's hard to believe that beavers nearly went extinct during the heyday of the fur trapping industry, and continued to struggle as they were considered nuisances and pests. Now, they're getting the respect they deserve as engineer marvels, and their populations have rebounded due to better PR and conservation programs.

It's about dam time!

This article originally appeared in June.

Joy

71 baby names people love for their unique meanings

"I personally feel the meaning of a name has ~power~."

baby names, baby name, baby names 2025, name meaning, name meanings

Unique baby names with interesting meanings.

Picking a unique baby name based on its meaning is a fun, and pretty practical, approach. With so many beautiful baby names to choose from, looking into the etymology is a solid baby naming strategy that can get you closer to a name that feels right.

Self-proclaimed "name nerds" on Reddit offered their baby name picks based on their interesting definitions. As one parent noted, "I personally feel the meaning of a name has ~power~ and I want my kid to feel bad*ss when they learn theirs."


These are 71 of the most unique baby names based on their meanings.

@writing_on_boards

Name meanings series! Feel free to comment your names, and I’ll use it for a video! 🫶🏼💗⭐️ #fyp #whiteboard #asmr #satisfying #name #namemeaning #marker #handwriting #classroom

Girl Names

"Ylva: she wolf." - penguinsfrommars

"Ursa: she bear." - penguinsfrommars

"Torvi: thunder." - penguinsfrommars

"Matilda: powerful in battle." - penguinsfrommars

"Sophie: wisdom." - penguinsfrommars

"Branwen: white raven." - penguinsfrommars

"Eira: snow." - penguinsfrommars

"Stella: means star, but also the tough, no nonsense fairy from Winx Club :D." - User Unknown

"Alexandra: strength and defend." - User Unknown

"Victoria: winner, plus literary connotations." - User Unknown

"Beatrice : one who brings joy." - User Unknown

"Avery: wise." - User Unknown

"Margaret: pearls (which are beautiful, but also very tough, and are formed by clams as a defense to threats)." - User Unknown

"Lana: calm as still waters [Hawaiian]." - User Unknown

"Amanda: worthy of love." - User Unknown

"Elizabeth: God is my oath." - User Unknown

"Seraphina: fiery one." - User Unknown

"Leona: lioness." - moonsugar6

"Liana: vines." - moonsugar6

"Gaia: earth." - moonsugar6

"Evren: cosmos, universe." - moonsugar6

"Asteria: star." - moonsugar6

"Aveline: hazelnut, desired." - moonsugar6

"Talvi: winter." - moonsugar6

"Irene: peace." - moonsugar6

"Lola: sorrows." - Intrepid_Source_7960

"Jemima: dove." - Intrepid_Source_7960

- YouTube www.youtube.com

"Guinevere: white wave [Welsh]." - Intrepid_Source_7960

"Selene: moon goddess." - Intrepid_Source_7960

"Talia: gentle dew from heaven." - Intrepid_Source_7960

"Evanthe: good flower." - moonsugar6

"Ida: industrious one." - Intrepid_Source_7960

"Emma: whole, universal." - Intrepid_Source_7960

"Simone: one who hears God, hearkening." - Intrepid_Source_7960

"Winifred: peaceful friend." - Intrepid_Source_7960

"Abigail: father's joy." - KhaleesiofNZ

"Adelaide: noble natured." - KhaleesiofNZ

"Adina: gentle, mild." - KhaleesiofNZ

"Celeste: heavenly." - KhaleesiofNZ

"Eleanor: light-hearted, shining light." - KhaleesiofNZ

"Josephine: shall grow." - KhaleesiofNZ

"Louisa: famous warrior." - KhaleesiofNZ

"Marceline: young warrior." - KhaleesiofNZ

"Mirabel: wondrous, of wondrous beauty." - KhaleesiofNZ

"Salome: peace." - KhaleesiofNZ

Boy Names

"Arthur: bear." - shaboogami

"Bran: raven." - penguinsfrommars

"Ambrose: immortality." - penguinsfrommars

"Arcturus: guardian of the bear - this is actually the name of a star, but I personally think it would make a good boys name." - penguinsfrommars

"Alfred: elf-counsel." - penguinsfrommars

"Morgan: sea chief or sea bright." - penguinsfrommars

"Norbert: means 'bright north', also my grandfather’s name." - _opossumsaurus

"Lionel: the little lion." - User Unknown

"Isaac: one who laughs/rejoices." - User Unknown

"Silas: man of the forest." - User Unknown

"Leander: lion man." - moonsugar6

"Todd: fox." - moonsugar6

- YouTube www.youtube.com

"Darby: free from envy." - Intrepid_Source_7960

"Baldwin: bold friend." - Intrepid_Source_7960

"Ronan: little seal." - Intrepid_Source_7960

"Douglas: black water." - Intrepid_Source_7960

"Odin: inspiration." - Intrepid_Source_7960

"Ezra: helper." - Intrepid_Source_7960

"Orson: bear cub." - moonsugar6

"Silvan: forest." - moonsugar6

"Stellan: calm." - moonsugar6

"Evander: good man." - moonsugar6

"Alden: old friend." - KhaleesiofNZ

"Asher: happy." - KhaleesiofNZ

"Franklin: landowner of free not not noble origin." - KhaleesiofNZ

"Lucas: bringer of light." - KhaleesiofNZ

Pets

10-year-old girl walks into police station and brings officers to tears with 2 simple words

She's been handing out handwritten cards to officers all over the country ever since.

police, cops, police officers, law enforcement, heroes, 10-year-old, thank you letters, kindness

A 10-year-old has been handing out Thank You cards to police officers across the country for years.

10-year-old Savannah Solis knew she had to do something. Per KHOUN, the girl from Tyler, Texas had heard the tragic news that two local police officers in New York had been murdered. The news, all the way back in 2015, brought her to tears.

Solis knew that, as a kid, there wasn't much she could do, to stop the bad guys, to make the world safer. But she dreamed of one day being a police officer herself and being able to help. As a 5-year-old, Solis says her mother had a heart attack and the first person to arrive and offer help was a police officer. She never forgot that officer's kindness and bravery.


Savannah’s mom, Debbie, recalled the immense love and support the girl had for police officers all over the world. Inspired and mesmerized by their line of duty, she hoped and wished only the best for each of them. “We would drive by and see them stopping somebody and in the backseat she would pray, asking God to take care of them,” the mom recounted.

In the meantime, she wanted the heroes in her own community to know that she cared. So she decided to write personal letters. Hundreds of them.

police, cops, police officers, law enforcement, heroes, 10-year-old, thank you letters, kindness a piece of paper with a heart drawn on it Photo by Immo Wegmann on Unsplash

Her letters had two words recurring each time, “Thank you.”

Furthermore, the girl explained as best as she could what their service meant to her and how grateful she was to them for saving lives.

During her Christmas break, the girl went all out making these letters and posting them—she even delivered a few personally to police departments all over Texas.

“You are my heroes. I want to say don’t stop, please don’t give up. Many do not care or appreciate the sacrifices you make every day. But I do,” the girl remarked. Savannah added a note of inspiration which read, “Many are standing with me today to let you know that you matter. Officers across Texas, you matter to me. Officers in New York City, you matter to me. Officers all across America, you matter to me. Please keep taking care of us.”

One of Solis' deliveries was caught on video, per KXAN, where officers were moved to tears by her gesture.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

She went about taking autographs of as many officers as she could. Debbie noted that her daughter didn’t want celebrity or artist autographs but those of the cops. All the officers are seen shaking hands and getting teary-eyed as they read the cards colored and highlighted with the title, “My hero.”

Austin Police Department Assistant Chief Jessica Robledo felt proud of the girl’s gesture and of the fact that their role was so valued in someone’s eyes.

“The words she spoke from her heart touched every single officer. I noticed everyone was trying to blink back tears. That’s what it’s all about. She is an old soul. She knows the right thing to say and I don’t think she even realizes the impact of her words on these officers and this department,” she remarked.

That was 10 years ago. As Solis grew up, she continued her personal outreach to police officers all over the country, letting them know that their bravery was appreciated.

She visited a precinct in Manchester, New Hampshire as recently in 2021 where she brought cards to the officers, met the K9 dogs, and was introduced to the police horses as well. Commenters were blown away that Solis was continuing the gesture after so many years.

"Savanna. Officers need that inspiration with everything going on today. You're remarkable for doing this."

"Amazing young lady right, thank you Savannah I appreciate all your efforts to show your appreciation for our men, woman, dogs and horses in blue"

"What an amazing young woman thank you for sharing this post and thank you for your service to our city. And all the law enforcement officers all over the Country."

Bravo, Savannah!

This article originally appeared in July. It has been updated.

Joy

Single woman exposes harsh double-standard with 'self-centered' married friends

“Single women in your life are not just disposable accessories.”

woman, women friendship, annoying friend, annoyed woman, hugging

An annoyed woman hugging another woman.

Ashanti Bentil-Dhue, a 36-year-old advocate for single women, to keep them “Rooted. Regulated. Resourced,” released a viral TikTok video on November 4 where she points out a double standard she believes exists in friendships between married and single women. Ashanti says single women who are always there for their married friends shouldn't expect the same in return.

“We're meant to support them through all of the life events that they experience: pregnancy, proposals, engagements, destination weddings. But rarely, if ever, do married women really allocate time and investment into their single friends' life events, whether that's a promotion, a career move, a moving home, travelling, any other achievement that isn't related to a man, isn't related to procreation,” Ashanti says.


Ashanti recounted a time when she travelled to another country to see a friend, but the whole time, she was preoccupied with her child. She adds that married women are only interested in hearing about her dating ups and downs and don't care about her professional pursuits.

@unpunishablewoman

Do married women invest in their single female friends?

Are married women self-centered?

“Single women in your life are not just disposable accessories. Just because we might not be married, just because we might not be occupied with motherhood necessarily, it doesn't mean we've got endless free time whereby you can pick and choose if you want to call, text, check up on us,” Ashanti says.

The post, which received nearly 300,000 views, resonated with Ashanti’s followers. “Single and child-free women have to sacrifice for the ‘community,’ but the community never gives back,” a commenter wrote. “That’s why I stopped sharing my vulnerabilities with my married friends as I realised it was more a source of entertainment than actual care,” another added. “And we’re not ‘allowed’ to be tired. Because how can we be really tired when we don’t have kids?” a commenter wrote.

woman, women friendship, annoying friend, annoyed woman, women on couch A woman looking annoyed.via Canva/Photos

Upworthy reached out to Amy Armstrong, Conflict Resolution Specialist and Co-Parent Coach at The Center for Family Resolution, to get her thoughts on the TikTok, and she has a common-sense approach to dealing with friends who have “changed” after getting married or having children.

How to react when a friend sidelines you

“When someone suddenly sidelines you, treats you like the ‘backup friend,’ or expects you to bend your life around theirs, you’re not seeing a new version of them. You’re seeing their actual capacity for friendship when life gets demanding,” Armstrong told Upworthy. “Real friends stay real through every season. Fair-weather friends fall off the minute their world expands beyond you.”

So how should people react when they feel their friends have sidelined them? “If someone makes you feel disposable, you’re not losing a friend. You’re losing a role you were never meant to play,” Armstrong continued. “Your job isn’t to fix someone’s selfishness. It’s to redirect your energy toward people who know how to be friends.”

woman, women friendship, annoying friend, annoyed woman, hugging An annoyed woman hugging another woman.via Canva/Photos

Armstrong also suggested some boundaries people can use when single people feel they are having a one-way friendship with their married friends.

Here are responses that stay bright, centered, and grounded:

Friendly boundary

“I’m looking for friendships that go both ways. I’m all in when you are, hopefully soon!"

Light boundary

“I get you’re overwhelmed. I’m keeping things balanced on my end. We can reconnect when it feels good for both of us.”

Ultimately, Armstrong notes that friendships can be transient, and we don’t need to give our time and emotional energy to people who aren't doing the same for us. “You don’t have to diagnose selfish friends or tolerate them. You don’t have to fight. You don’t even have to be mad. Friends are friends are friends—or they’re not. The ones who show up, stay. The ones who don’t make room for you don’t deserve front-row seats in your life.”

glass sniper, 1990s internet, aol, america online, modems, telephones, '90s nostalgia
via TheGlassSniper/TikTok and 30pin Pictures/Flickr

This one sound separates the "old" from "young" generations.

It's easy to separate groups of people by age and by generation. There's a line somewhere between Gen X and Millennials, for example — somewhere around the year 1996. But that's not specific enough to really separate the distinctive cultural environments in which we all grew up.

To wit, a popular TikToker known as The Glass Sniper is going viral with a video that struck a chord with people who remember the early days of the Internet. In the video, he teases a specific sound that was everywhere before it suddenly disappeared into the collective memory of those born before the Clinton-Lewinsky scandal.


“There is only one sound in this entire world that will forever separate the old generation from the new one,” Glass Sniper said in the viral video.

“'For when the new generation hears it, they'll have no idea what we're talking about. But when the old generation hears it… We cringe!” The sound, of course, is the squeak of a dial-up modem connecting with an Internet service provider or ISP, as they were known back in the day.

The more nostalgic the sound makes you feel, the more closely the sound identifies your age. Boomers and older Gen X certainly know the noise and remember it, but only people who came into prime Internet-using age around 1998 feel it in their very bones.

@theglasssniper

New year. New Generation. What year is the line drawn? Lol

You either remember it well, or you weren't around for it. There is no inbetween. The screeching, squealing sound is so deeply etched in the memories of people who grew up in the early-Internet era that there is no forgetting it.

The sound is known as a "handshake," where your modem tries to exchange data with a far-away server. It's unknown why us poor users had to actually hear it, but that's the way it happened in the '90s.


- YouTube www.youtube.com

One of the biggest problems with dial-up internet was that if you were online, no one in your home could use the phone, which caused some big domestic problems. Also, if you used a long-distance phone number for your dial-up number, you could be in for a hefty phone bill.

"I can hear my mom yelling 'IM ON THE PHONE!'" — MacksMom1990 wrote in the comments. "Followed by...You've got mail," DawnMichel added. "I can already hear my sister yelling at me to get off the computer so she can call her friend," Uncle B wrote.

"I figured it would be that sound, or the sound that the tv made after there no more tv shows at night ( when they showed the colour palette)," Isabellers Unniers wrote. "That sound reminds me of the time when I didn’t have to worry about anything, no stress (other than that damn noise) or anything," That_silver300 added. "The way my head popped up like a damn meerkat when I heard it..." MagnusDavis345 commented."

aol, america online, aol disc, hard disc, 1990s, '90s nostaligia, you've got mail An old America Online disc. via\u00a0Karl Baron/Flickr

For those of you who don't remember the early days of dial-up modems, in the mid-'90s, America Online (or AOL) was the most popular internet service provider, and it offered chat features, web browsing, and email, all in one package. Its chat rooms allowed people to connect anonymously with others in real-time, and, at that time, no one had photos, so you had to trust that the person was who they said they were.

In 1999, AOL grew to over 18 million subscribers and was the largest internet provider in the country. However, after a merger with Time Warner, dubbed "one of the worst mergers in history," in 2001 and the development of broadband internet, AOL's dial-up services quickly became a dinosaur.

glass sniper, 1990s internet, aol, america online, modems, telephones, '90s nostalgia Brittany Murphy in the 90s. Giphy

Although they’re uncommon, people still use dial-up modems. For some comparison, in 2002, 55 million people in the U.S. used dial-up internet, but that number quickly dropped to 51 million in 2003. As of September 2023, 400,000 people in the U.S. still have dial-up internet.

This article originally appeared last year. It has been updated.