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'Sleep training' is a heated debate in the parenting world. It shouldn't be.

Any parent who takes a definitive stance on sleep training needs to understand a few things.

baby crying in a crib
Photo by RDNE Stock project/Pexels

Parents debate whether it's wrong to sleep train babies.

Welcoming a new baby to the world is a wonderful but daunting experience, and no matter how much you try to prepare, there will always be something you aren't fully prepared for.

For many parents, that thing is lack of sleep.

You can hear parents talk about exhaustion and sleep deprivation and still be wholly unprepared for what a baby who isn't a great sleeper does to to your psyche. It's no surprise that many parents turn to parenting books and "experts" to try to figure out how to get their babies to sleep, which is where the idea of "sleep training" comes in.

Sleep training is a broad term for teaching or training a baby to go to sleep (or back to sleep) without needing to be soothed by a parent or other caregiver. There are many sleep training methods that range from fairly common sense to borderline abuse, which is one reason it seems to spark big debates between parents. Everyone's talking about a different method when they defend or vilify sleep training.

Sleep training usually involves letting a baby fuss or cry for some length of time, which some see as problematic because of research on the importance of responding to babies' cries. Others say that a little crying is a small price to pay because it's healthier in the long run for baby and parents to get good sleep.

Of course, there's a huge difference between "crying or fussing for a few minutes" and "wailing and screaming with no end in sight," and that's where the big disconnect comes in. For some parents, sleep training entails the former, and it works, so they swear by it. For others, it entails the latter, and it's a nightmare, so they think it's horrible.

There's also a huge difference between "I'd love it if my baby would sleep all night without waking" and "I think I might die if I don't get a 4-hour stretch of uninterrupted sleep." Desperation makes many parents who might not love the idea of sleep training to give it a go.

I have some personal experience with this. My first baby wasn't a great sleeper. I remember thinking, at six weeks postpartum, "There's no way a person can survive on this little sleep." I adored my baby, but the sleep deprivation from waking up several times a night for weeks on end felt like literal torture.

She started sleeping through the night when she was a few months old, but that didn't last long. Teething happened. Then crawling happened. It seemed like just when she'd get into a nice sleep routine, some milestone would throw us right back to waking up and crying multiple times a night. She slept in our room next to our bed, so it was easy enough to nurse her back to sleep, but it was still night after night of disrupted sleep.

I was desperate to try something, but I wasn't keen on the idea of sleep training. It's a natural instinct to respond to your baby's cries, so walking away didn't feel right. One book had suggested leaving the baby in their crib to cry by themselves and not pick them up no matter what. If they got so upset that they threw up, you were just to clean them up and do the same thing again. Um, no thank you.

But I had heard other parents say they tried different sleep training methods that involved leaving them to cry for just a few minutes, going in to pat/comfort them, leaving them again for a little longer, and going back and forth until they eventually fall asleep. I read so many parents say something like, "It took like 15 minutes of fussing for them to fall asleep the first night, 5 minutes the second and after that they just went right to sleep and didn't wake up until morning!"

baby sleeping If only all babies slept this peacefully.Photo by Yan Krukau/Pexels

That sounded reasonable. So I tried it, a couple of times.

It went nothing like how those parents described. Not even close.

First of all, my baby did not "fuss." It was full-on crying, wailing and screaming with snot and drool involved. Secondly, there was no patting her to calm her down—she would only calm down if I picked her up. Third, the wailing when I left the room didn't ever subside, it only got worse and worse. I felt like I was torturing my baby and it was breaking my mama heart, so we gave it up.

I have no doubt that those parents were telling the truth about how sleep training worked with their child. It just absolutely did not work that way with mine.

That baby is now 24 and has slept in her own bed all night for over two decades. My other two kids had their own sleep personalities as babies—one of them super easy and the other more like my first. I didn't do anything different to make them that way—it's just how they were. It was hard sometimes. We co-slept as needed. It all worked out in the end.

There are a few things I know for sure after parenting three kids and talking with countless other parents:

1) Every baby, child and family is different and what works for one won't necessarily work for another. As long as no one is actually being abused or neglected, do what works for your kid and your family.

2) Anyone who offers definitive, one-size-fits-all advice on any part of parenting is flat-out wrong. One size most definitely does not fit all.

3) Sleep is important, but unless you've slept a night in their bed, don't judge a parent for how they choose to handle sleep with their baby. What's right for you may not be right for them.

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Culture

Idioms from around the world that become hilarious when translated into English

It can rain a lot more than just cats and dogs.

Photo by Erwan Hesry on Unsplash

Two donkeys are better than one—'repetition teaches the donkey.'

You probably know what it means to hit the hay, tie the knot or buy a lemon. Maybe you’ve already killed two birds with one stone today, so effortlessly that it was a piece of cake. But to a non-English speaker, using these phrases would probably make you sound crazy … or should I say gone crackers?

That’s the fun thing about idioms. They change depending on the time, place and culture creating them. In other words, they usually sound ridiculous to anyone except those who normally use them.

Looking at turns of phrase in different languages helps us see the world through different eyes. And man does it seem impressive at a party.

Just think, instead of saying “it’s raining cats and dogs,” next time you could incorporate a more Lithuanian take, and say “it’s raining axes.” How metal is that?

It can also be raining old women, barrels, buckets, pipe stems, frogs, female trolls, fire and brimstone … depending on where you’re from.

Some of these idioms from around the world make a lot of sense. Others get so lost in translation, you can’t help but get tickled pink.

Swedish

”Nu ska du få dina fiskar värmda.”

Literal translation: Now your fishes will be warmed.

It's another way of saying someone’s in trouble, or their “goose is cooked.”

The Swedish language is definitely not lacking in the threats department. They also have a saying, “nu har du satt din sista potatis,” which translates to “now you have planted your last potato.”

Imagine hearing Batman say “You’ve planted your last potato, Joker.” Doesn't have quite the intended effect.

Italian

“Avere gli occhi foderati di prosciutto.”

Literal translation: To have one’s eyes lined with ham.

Leave it to the Italians to have food-related phrases. You can use this when someone can’t see what’s right in front of them. It can also be used when someone is blinded by love. Sadly, there is no “ham-colored glasses” idiom.

Icelandic

“Að leggja höfuðið í bleyti.”

Literal translation: To lay your head in water.

You say this when you “need to sleep on something,” or “put your thinking cap on.” This one is hilarious because I cannot fathom getting any mental clarity from holding my head in the water.

Arabic

"At-Tikraar yu’allem al-Himaar.”

Literal translation: Repetition teaches the donkey.

Practice makes perfect, but it especially does for donkeys. Animal-themed wisdom at its finest.

German

"Ich verstehe nur Bahnhof."

Literal translation: I only understand train station.

It's another way of saying “it’s all Greek to me.”

The history of this one is a bit mysterious. One theory is that it originated from WWI soldiers who had only one thing on their mind after getting discharged: returning home. Meaning, they could only comprehend the train station that would lead them there. Others say it refers to tourists new to Germany who have really only learned the German word for “train station.” Which would indicate that everything else is foreign to them.

And let’s not forget “nicht mein bier, nicht meine sorgen,” translating to “not my beer, not my worries.”

(Fun fact: The term “not my circus, not my monkeys” actually stems from a Polish proverb, not an English saying at all.)

Norwegian

“Å snakke rett fra leveren.”

Literal translation: To speak directly from the liver.

When you say something without sugar-coating it, you are speaking directly from the liver. This dates back to a time when the liver was thought to be the magical organ that produced courage. So speaking from the liver is just like speaking from the heart, only down and to the right a little.

Chinese

“Mama huhu.”

Literal translation: Horse horse, tiger tiger.

You can use it to say something is just okay. Not good, not bad, just … meh.

As the story goes, a Chinese painter who, not very good at his craft, created a drawing of an animal that looked sort of like a tiger, and sort of like, you guessed it, a horse. That story actually has a tragic ending that serves as a cautionary tale against carelessness. But nowadays it takes on a lighter connotation.

And like “comme ci, comme ca” in French, “horse horse, tiger tiger” isn’t quite as commonly spoken as non-native speakers would assume.

Language continues to be an ever-evolving and always entertaining way to not only appreciate other cultures, but also note the similarities. Words might change slightly, but ultimately we're all expressing the same things.


This article originally appeared on 12.8.21

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New 'empty-nester' dad has a bittersweet realization when he goes shopping without kids

"It hit me really hard."

via JeffPearlmanAuthor/TikTok (used with permission)

Jeff Pearlman has a big realization at his local supermarket.

A father of 2 who recently sent his last child off to college had the new reality hit him like a ton of bricks while visiting the supermarket. The realization came when he saw parents picking out Halloween pumpkins with their kids and he was at the store alone.

“I used to pick out pumpkins with my kids,” Jeff Pearlman said on TikTok. “And I'm here and I see dads and moms with their kids in the cart and it used to be me with my kids in the cart. And, it actually hit me really hard, that the house is empty and little things that you take for granted as a parent. Taking your kids to the supermarket.”

Jeff Pearlman is the New York Times best-selling author of 10 books, including "The Last Folk Hero: The Life and Times of Bo Jackson" and "Showtime," which was turned into "Winning Time," a hit HBO series. He also hosts a podcast, “Two Writers Slinging Yang.”

Pearlman used the moment to remind other parents that they would soon be in the same position and should appreciate having children in the house while they can.

@jeffpearlmanauthor

Empty nester blues: A very real (and sad) thing. #emptynesters #emptynest #freebirds #sadness #college #writersoftiktok

“Maybe it seems like a pain in the a** in the moment,” Pearlman admitted. “You’d rather just leave them at home or whatever. But now I'm here by myself in the supermarket. And there's not that much to buy actually because I don't have two kids at home anymore ... and I'm looking at Halloween candy, but they're not going to give a crap. They're not here.”

“It just changes everything and it is an adjustment,” Pearlman continued. “I just want to say, if you live with your kids at home, please appreciate them and understand it goes very fast.”

Upworthy spoke with Pearlman and asked him if he could have better prepared himself for the empty-nester blues. “I don’t think it’s possible to truly prepare,” he told Upworthy. “You pack everything up and say your goodbyes. But then you’re left with this void. It’s jarring. The only thing that helps is time, natural readjustment, and the knowledge that they’re happy, which is how it’s supposed to be. I remind myself all the time that it would be much sadder if my kids were home and unmotivated.”



The video struck a chord with many people on TikTok, where it’s been seen over 400,000 times.

"I bought my son’s favorite snacks yesterday and didn’t even realize until I got home. Started sobbing," KMD wrote in the comments. "I’m still not over it! I just told my daughter today that I’d kill to be making their school lunches again. I used to hate it and now I miss it so much," Corinne added.

"I’m in the same boat. It’s the most painful thing I’ve ever felt. I feel lost but hoping it gets easier," Arblc20 admitted.

What is empty nest syndrome?

Empty nest syndrome is a "normal feeling," Amy Morin, LCSW, writes. She says it's defined by a loss of purpose and frustration over a lack of control. It can cause anxiety and marital stress. But the good news is that, in time, most parents will get over the feeling and embrace the new phase in life. "With time, having an empty nest will get easier. You'll get used to your child being in charge of their own life and you will develop a new sense of normal in your life," Morwin writes.

Dan Brennan, MD, says that new empty-nesters should focus on the positives of having a child-free home. He recommends that empty-nesters take advantage of their free time by taking classes, making a few extra dollars by starting a part-time job or volunteering for an organization they care about. “Realize that your role as a parent has changed, not ended,” he writes at WebMD.

The commenters noted that the pain of being an empty nester often evolves into the joy of being a grandparent. “Once my parents became grandparents, their purpose came back and the light in their eyes,” kearraarose wrote. “I think this is why grandkids are so fun to enjoy … we know it doesn’t last,” juliabbell added.

Pearlman had difficulty making it through the Halloween-themed supermarket after dropping his last child off at college. But being an empty-nester isn’t all pain and suffering. “I have full usage of my car again,” he told Upworthy. “And the steering wheel is clean.”

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Pets

Man jumps out of his car with a puppy in the most adorable red-light moment ever recorded

"I JUST WITNESSED THE PUREST THING EVER."

via Celina Romera / Flickr

When you see someone jump out of their car at a red light to talk with another motorist, usually it's bad news. Most of the time, it's the moment when road rage gets personal.

But 26-year-old Celina Romera caught video of probably one of the most adorable red-light interactions between motorists on December 15 in Tampa, Florida.

In the video, an unidentified man pops out of his car at a stoplight with a darling puppy in his hand. In the other car, a big German Shepherd pops his head out and the two dogs exchange kisses.

"I JUST WITNESSED THE PUREST THING EVER," Romera wrote on Facebook.

After the light changes, the man with the puppy gently walks back to the car. In the video Romera can be heard saying, "It's okay, man. Take your time."

One could imagine that the dogs were barking at each other before the video began.Then, the owner of the puppy thought it was okay for the two dogs to meet. The American Kennel Club says that barking between dogs is a pretty crude way to communicate.

However, it is part of a host of messages that dogs send to one another.

The job of a dog's owner is to determine if the dogs are ready to share a sniff or of one is fearful.

"The combination of barking, body language, and approach-avoidance behavior gives away the fearful dog's motivation, even to us relatively uneducated body-language readers," the Club says on its blog.

The original video Romera posted has been shared over 120,000 times.

The heartwarming video is a reminder that nothing can bring two strangers and millions of Facebook viewers together quite like dogs.


This article originally appeared on 12.16.19


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Family

Woman shares the 'ultimate hack' for busy people needing to declutter fast

A cleaner home in a matter of minutes.

@aesthetically_ally_/TikTok

Okay, this is brilliant.

When the Work From Home era began, many of us got excited at the possibility of being able to maybe, juuuust maybe, keep our home a little cleaner by doing some sprucing up in between productivity sprints. But alas, reality has set in.

Instead, there’s the constant distraction of messes that need to be cleaned up, items that aren’t where they should be, piles upon piles of stuff that seem to appear out of nowhere. All of this goes double for WFH folks with kids.

And being more aware of clutter is no doubt one of the main reasons why cleaning hacks are all the rage on social media. Besides the fact that there’s just something so primally satisfying about watching stain removal.

One super easy hack, created by a mom and therapist who goes by @aestetically_ally_ on TikTok, is being hailed as the “ultimate” decluttering method, particularly for moms. (But really, this could work for anyone).

“If you’re looking for a busy working mom hack to keep your sh*t together during the day, during the week and not feel totally overwhelmed and overstimulated when you walk into your house, keep listening,” Ally says at the top of her clip. “I can’t stand having a dirty house or a messy house. For me, that is my overstimulation nightmare.”

And this is where the “cleaning cart” comes in.

Ally then shows a simple, white rolling cart with three shelves—something you’ve definitely seen at a staples or Ikea. The idea is you can roll this cart around your home and pick up any debris that’s taking up unnecessary spaces. Toys, crafts, shoes, hoodies, etc. Then you place the cart up against a wall. And voila, a clutter free house in minutes.

Ally adds the caveat that “obviously we’re going to have to put those things away.”But still, she affirms that “t is so much nicer to just not have those things cluttering all of the flat surfaces in your house.”

“It helps so much with that overstimulated feeling that you get when you have to come in after a crazy busy day and have to start taking care of everybody and everything,” she says.

@aesthetically_ally_ Mom hack. Lmk if you try! #cleaninghacks #cleanhouse ♬ original sound - Aesthetically Ally

Down in the comments, people were totally on board with the idea. Many already did a form of it with laundry baskets, but really loved the ability to wheel the junk around. A few even wanted to go above and beyond by labeling each section with a family’s member’s name, so that it made reorganizing easier later.

Still, a few shared concerns that this could easily become “doom piles,” or "Didn't Organize, Only Moved” piles, commonly associated with people dealing with ADD/ADHD, which never actually get sorted and become more overwhelming in the long run.

However, an article from Real Simple has some expert backed tips to keep those piles from taking over, which can be helpful for those in the ADD/ ADHD community, or just folks trying to avoid bigger messes.

One trick is to keep a small, manageable sized basket, and to not let it overflow. This is where a small, compact cleaning cart could really shine.

Other suggestions include using a timer and emptying out the cart or basket in 15 minute increments, or implementing a reward system for emptying out said cart. Essentially, creating easy-to-accomplish, bite sized tasks, and finding a way to associate with something pleasing. A good basis for any goal, really.

Perhaps in an ideal world we wouldn’t need things like cleaning carts. But we live in reality. And reality is messy. We are all just doing our best to juggle multiple, simultaneous responsibilities while holding onto our sanity. If rolling a cart around and throwing junk in it helps that cause, even just a little, then it’s probably worth trying.

By the way, Ally has more tips where that came from, which you can find by following her on TikTok.

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Internet

When a server accidentally served a $5,750 bottle of wine her manager told the world about it

His response was unforgettable.

Ever screw up royally at work? There’s nothing worse than that sinking feeling that comes when you realize you have to fess up to your manager. Next comes the uncertainty over whether you’ll keep your job or not.

A server at the Hawksmoor Manchester steakhouse and cocktail bar in England went through that same experience. She accidentally served a customer a £4500 ($5750) bottle of Chateau le Pin Pomerol 2001 instead of the £260 ($33) Bordeaux they ordered.

The server’s manager brought it to the world’s attention on Twitter, and instead of chastising her, told her “One-off mistakes happen and we love you anyway.”

The manager even went a step further and excused the mistake by saying the bottles “look pretty similar.”

Hawksmoor founder Will Beckett later clarified the story to BBC News saying that the server had been working with a manager from another location because it was a busy night. The manager accidentally grabbed the wrong bottle and the customer apparently didn’t notice the mistake.

Beckett said the server is “brilliant,” but he’s still going to “tease her for this when she stops being so mortified.”

The story inspired some people to share the times when they screwed up at work and were let off the hook.

Others congratulated management for not punishing the server.

While others thought that drinking a £4500 bottle of wine was amoral.

The restaurant responded to the morally outraged by sharing the work it does for charity.

This article originally appeared on 8.6.19

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