Single dad slams ‘deadbeat’ ex for not wanting custody of their child. The internet takes her side.
A single dad who was overwhelmed with raising a child on his own took to reddit to whine about how he is stuck taking care of his kid after the court gave him full custody. The twist? His wife wanted to have an abortion, he wouldn’t let her, and once the child was born she…
A single dad who was overwhelmed with raising a child on his own took to reddit to whine about how he is stuck taking care of his kid after the court gave him full custody.
The twist? His wife wanted to have an abortion, he wouldn’t let her, and once the child was born she agreed to give him full custody and pay child support. This dad somehow still managed to go on an internet rant about her alleged shortcomings, going as far as referring to her as a “deadbeat mom.” Cool, dude.
I got a girl pregnant and she wanted to get an abortion but I didn’t want that. She ended up not getting one but now she is not involved at all.
We weren’t in a serious relationship when she got pregnant. She has never met our son. Even after the birth she had no desire to see him. We went to court to figure custody and support could be figured out and I have 100% full legal and physical custody. Her name is on the birth certificate but she has no custody and no right to visitation or to make things like medical or education decisions. She didn’t want any of that. Every month she pays 125% of the court ordered child support. She says that if I ever marry someone who wants to adopt him she will agree but until then she’ll pay support. It’s been this way since our son was born.
“I’m raising our son all on my own. He is 18 months old now and he has never met her and I don’t even have any photos of her even. I am burned out and hate being a single parent. I love my son but I resent him. My family tries to help when they can but I do it most of the time. I would never hurt or neglect him but I am exhausted all the time. I tried to go to court to give her split custody but because she wanted an abortion and I didn’t and she made it clear she would never be involved after the birth, and because we went to court when he was 6 months old but because we already went after he was born and agreed on things and now she pays more support than is court ordered the judge said he can’t force her to look after him. I haven’t seen her in almost a year and the last I heard she has a tummy tuck and laser stretch marks treatment and is working at a gym. She also told her friends and family she is an egg donor and not a mother. She is a deadbeat mom and the court won’t do anything and is forcing me to struggle as a single parent. Do I have any legal remedies here? “
He essentially mapped out all the ways in which this woman did what was agreed upon, and yet seems to be looking for sympathy here. Because the internet sometimes isn’t an explosive trash fire, sympathy is not what he got.
People were quick to point out how these daddy issues are a result of his own making, not his ex’s. As the kids say, the internet clapped back.
Reddit user Byte73 was quick to point out the father’s blatant hypocrisy.
“I’d say she’s a good mom. She was clear what her terms were for having the child that she didn’t want. You agreed to those terms. She’s paying child support and by what you’re saying, she is paying more than she has to. Out of the two of you, she is the one who has the kid’s best interests at heart. You either need to do your part like you agreed on or give the kid up for adoption and put all three of you out of your misery. Because she wanted to abort the child, only kept it because of your insistence andis doing the share of the work that was agreed on, I really don’t think that you have a leg to stand on, legally speaking. I’m sorry that you’re not finding parenthood to be the fairytale dreamland that you thought it would be, but it was your choice and you have to live with it.”
Damn, nothing like ending your clapback with, “live with it.”
So let me get this straight. You resent the child you forced someone else to bring in to the world under the condition that you be the sole caregiver? You want to force someone who DOES NOT WANT anything to do with this child to share caretaking? First off, why would you want to damage your child like that by forcing them to spend time with someone who wants nothing to do with them. That doesn’t make you a very good father at all. Second, why are you calling her a deadbeat? How can you call someone you forced to give birth, under the condition that she has nothing to do with the child, a deadbeat when she pays MORE than the required child support? And third, no. The courts will not force someone who wants nothing to do with a child to take care of them other than financially, because that could endanger the child.”
Be right back, starting a campaign to raise money for t-shirts that say “And third of all, no” on them.
evilbunnyofdeath took the high road by commending the mom on how she’s handled this.
“Good on her for getting out of such an abusive relationship! I’m also impressed that she seems to be working hard on herself by hitting up the gym.”
This person raised a great point by calling him out for trying throw shade at his ex for working on her health and physical appearance. This dude is clearly salty about how the woman who never agreed to raise a child with him is now… not raising a child with him, and doing so while looking like a snack. Sorry, bro.
From Pakistan to Tanzania, the most effective education solutions are community-led. Here’s how local leaders, in partnership with Malala Fund and supported by Pura, are mobilizing entire communities.
When asked to describe what Tanzania smells like, Grace Isekore closes her eyes and breathes in deep. For a moment, she’s somewhere else entirely. Tanzania is a rich tapestry of sights and scents, from the smell of sea mist that permeates the coastline to the earthy cardamom and cloves she cooks with in her kitchen. But when Grace emerges from her reverie, her answer is unexpected.
“Tanzania smells like peace,” she says, her eyes still closed. “I see a beautiful country where we are free to move, free to speak. And there is peace within the community.”
For Grace, that sense of peace isn’t just something she smells; it’s something she works toward every day. As a project coordinator with Pastoral Women’s Council (PWC), a women-led organization that empowers pastoralist communities in northern Tanzania, she has seen firsthand how girls flourish when they have the opportunity to attend school. Like scent, education not only connects girls to their own culture, but also helps broaden their horizons, realizing new possibilities for themselves and others. That transformation reshapes entire communities and ripples outward, with the potential to change countries and transform the world for the better.
Different scents, different approaches, and communities driving change
Spices in Tanzania. Captured by James Roh for Pura
For Grace and others around the world, education is freedom, as well as a pathway to a stronger community. Rooted in that shared belief, Pura, a home fragrance company, was inspired to build on their four-year partnership with Malala Fund to create something truly unique: a fragrance collection that connects people through scent to communities in Tanzania, Nigeria, Pakistan, and Brazil, where barriers to girls’ education are among the highest.
Using ingredients from each region, the new Pura x Malala Fund Collection uses scent to transport people to these regions directly. “Future in Bloom,” for example, invokes Pakistan’s lush valleys through notes of jasmine, cedarwood, and mango; while Tanzania’s fragrance, “Heart on Fire,” evokes the spirit and joyfulness of the girls who live there through cardamom, lemon, and green tea.
The new Collection honors the work Malala Fund does every day, partnering with locally-led organizations in these four countries to ensure every girl can access and complete 12 years of education. Each scent celebrates the joy, tenacity, and courage of the women and girls driving change on the ground, while also augmenting Pura’s annual grant to Malala Fund by donating eight percent of net revenue from the Pura x Malala Fund Collection to Malala Fund directly.
Just as each country’s scent is unique, so too are their needs related to education. But with support from Malala Fund and Pura, local leaders are coming up with creative ways to mobilize entire communities (parents, teachers, elders, and the students themselves, in their pursuit of solutions, understanding that educating girls helps everyone thrive. Here’s how their efforts are creating real, durable impact in Tanzania and Pakistan, and creating a ripple effect that changes the world for the better.
Parent-teacher associations help Maasai girls and their communities in Tanzania problem-solve
A girl’s school in Tanzania. Captured by James Roh for Pura
Northern Tanzania, Grace’s home, is home to pastoralist communities like the Maasai, a nomadic people who have moved with the seasons to nurture the land and care for their livestock for centuries. The nomadic nature of this lifestyle creates significant and unique barriers to girls’ education. Longstanding gender roles have enabled Maasai to survive in the harsh environment and have placed great value on both women and men. Over time, as nomadic life has been threatened by the privatization of land and stationary education models have been implemented, the reality of pastoralist livelihood has shifted and introduced new complexities. Now, the sheer distance to schools is both a practical challenge and one that often comes with danger from the landscape, predators, and potential exposure to assault along the journey. Girls shoulder the responsibility of household chores and there is often cultural pressure around early marriage – both leading to boys’ education being prioritized over girls’.
“There are very, very good [pastoralist] cultural practices, which are passed from generation to generation,” says Janet Kimori, an English teacher at Lekule Girls Secondary School in Longido, Tanzania. But when cultural practices act as educational barriers, “you have to sit down and look for where you are going to assist. As a school, as an individual, the school administration—all of us will chip in and know how we are going to deal with this problem.”
PWC works to ensure girls are able to exercise their right to an education while also preserving pastoralist culture. One successful approach, the organization found, has been the formation of Parent Teacher Associations (PTAs), created with help from Malala Fund. In PTA meetings, students, parents, teachers, elders, and government officials meet, discuss educational barriers, and come up with community-led solutions that preserve and honor their culture while advancing educational outcomes.
PTA meeting in Tanzania. Captured by James Roh for Pura
One recent PTA meeting highlights how these community-led solutions are often the most effective. At Lekule Girls Secondary School, the lack of fresh water forces girls to walk long distances to collect water for the school’s kitchen during the school day, and these long journeys not only disrupt class time but can leave girls vulnerable to sexual assault in isolated areas. Through facilitated discussion, PTA members landed on a solution: installing a borehole to pipe in fresh water to the school. Reliable access to water creates a better learning environment for the girls, but it also benefits the community at large, as local governments are then more likely to invest in health clinics and other community resources nearby.
With a solution in place, the PTA was then able to discuss ideas and map out a course of action. The women would raise money for the cost of the borehole, while the men would recruit workers to dig the hole and lay the pipe. Together, they would ask government officials to match their investment.
The benefits of PTA meetings within the pastoralist communities are undeniable. “The girls are talking and addressing issues in a confident way, and parents feel they are part of the resource team to solve challenges happening at school,” Grace says. One unexpected benefit: The larger cultural impact these PTA meetings have created. Thanks to the success of PTAs within pastoralist communities, the models are now being endorsed on a national level, and schools across Tanzania are starting to use them to solve problems in their own communities. When a community creates opportunities for girls to learn, everyone benefits.
Safe spaces in rural Pakistan help students and their parents connect, then drive change
Safe space for girls meeting in Pakistan. Captured by Insiya Syed.
A continent away in Pakistan, the country’s northernmost region of Gilgit-Baltistan seems like a land untouched by time. The region’s looming mountains, snow-capped peaks, lush valleys and crystalline lakes draw nature lovers and landscape photographers from around the world, but living among this kind of breathtaking scenery has its drawbacks. Schools in the region are few and far between, and the area’s harsh climate often makes roads inaccessible for travel. Poverty and gender-based discrimination are additional obstacles, making school even further out of reach, and girls are affected disproportionately. Going up against these barriers requires a persistent, quiet strength that’s found in the women who live there and reflected in Pakistan’s signature scent.
Saheli Circles are how local leaders in Gilgit-Baltistan are bridging the gap between girls and education. An Urdu term for “female friend,” Saheli Circles are after-school safe spaces where girls explore subjects like art and climate change, while also developing skills that help them manage emotions, set goals, and build positive relationships. Girls study in groups, visit the library, play sports, and tackle filmmaking and photography projects, all designed to develop self confidence and teach the girls how to advocate for issues that matter to them. But the work doesn’t stop there.
“What we’re trying to achieve here will only be impactful if it trickles down to the home environment and the school environment,” says Marvi Sumro, founder and program director of Innovate, Educate, and Inspire Pakistan (IEI), the local organization that developed the Saheli Circles model and partnered with Malala Fund in 2021 to make it a reality. Ever since, Saheli Circles have grown to involve teachers, elders, and parents to encourage relationship building that’s essential for young girls and adolescents. “Our spaces can give mothers and daughters an opportunity to interact a little differently—do an art activity, or have a cup of tea together, or some good conversation,” Marvi says.
The relationship building is what makes the biggest positive impact throughout the community. Recently, one Saheli Circle was able to bring together parents, teachers, and administrators to advocate for better education at their local school, and together they convinced the department of education to hire a science teacher. Another Saheli Circle organized a fund where members of the community can contribute monthly to pay for uniforms, books, and other school expenses for the girls in their village, eliminating those small, hidden costs that are often a barrier to education for many. A third Saheli Circle was able to produce a short film about how gender-based household chores can take away valuable study time from girls, leaving them at a disadvantage. “The girls put the film together and showed it to the mothers, and the response from the mothers was just beautiful,” Marvi says.
Girls smiling in Pakistan. Captured by Insiya Syed.
The education and relationship building that the girls receive in Saheli Circles connects them to larger opportunities and economic freedom that are not possible in their hometown. “For girls in Gilgit-Baltistan, education is extremely important because of the fact that we’re so far away from where the economy is, where the opportunity is. Education becomes this bridge for us, for our girls, to access all the opportunity and economy that exists in [larger cities].”
From rural Tanzania to remote Pakistan, local organizations prove every day that prioritizing girls’ education benefits everyone. Communities that lift up girls are able to secure resources like clean water and well-staffed schools, as well as build stronger relationships.
These outcomes are only possible because of the women and girls who work tirelessly in these regions to overcome barriers and drive progress. The Pura x Malala Fund Collection is a way to honor them, celebrate their achievements, and unite people the world over around a shared belief that education is freedom. Like scent, that belief can build, travel, and has the possibility to transform the world.
Experience the Pura x Malala Fund Collection here, and connect with the stories of real girls leading change across the globe.
Even though Americans and British people share the same language, there are a lot of figures of speech that don’t make a lot of sense when they go from one side of the pond to the other. The British have some unique turns of phrase that are head-scratching to Americans, such as “Bob’s yer uncle” and “Taking the Mick.”
Laurence Brown, a Brit who moved to the midwestern U.S., documents the differences between U.S. and U.K. culture on the Lost in the Pond YouTube channel. Brown created a fun video in which he explains why some American figures of speech make absolutely no sense to most British people. In the video, he explains how he first encountered each phrase and what they actually mean.
1. “It’s not my first rodeo”
“The thing is, rodeo isn’t really a common competitive sport in the UK. And so, if we are aware of it, we’re only aware of it through American movies and clips on the internet of bat crazy things that Americans do for fun. So while we can probably figure out what it means, we have absolutely no idea what it means.”
2. “As American as apple pie”
“I was baffled by the phrase ‘as American as apple pie,’ because if we have them in Britain, what’s so American about this apple pie? Well, as I’ve pointed out on this channel, nothing. Because apple pie has its origins in England.”
“Americans like to use the term “hit” metaphorically, hit the gym, hit the books, hit the gas, hit the skids. … But in hindsight, even though I was quite confused by the phrase ‘hit the books’ at first, I sort of prefer it to what we’d say in Britain, which is ‘I’m doing revision.’”
4. “The boonies”
“Anybody who’s followed this channel for a while will know that I’ve lived in Indianapolis and Chicago, the two largest cities in their respective states. But often we find ourselves driving between the two cities, where there is nothing other than farmland. In the early days of living in the US, I remember somebody referring to these parts as ‘the boonies.’ This itself was a confusing phrase at first, because I had never heard this word before.”
The phrase“Boondocks” appears to have entered the American lexicon from Tagalog, one of the languages of the Philippines. In Tagalog, bundok means “mountain.” The U.S. military began using the term and changed it to “Boondocks;” then, shortened to “Boonies” to describe the Vietnamese back country.
“‘Wazoo’ is an American slang term for the buttocks or anus. I see. So when you’re talking out of the wazoo, you’re literally talking s**t.”
6. “Get behind the eight ball”
“It is a billiards term in the UK. Billiards is not really all that popular, and so the phrase, as far as I’m aware, did not really catch on over there. Well, what does the phrase mean, Laurence? Well, it turns out that it means don’t get yourself into a sticky situation. In other words, don’t be thwarted by it.”
7. “Don’t mess with Texas”
“When I first heard it, I thought it was the state of Texas telling everyone else, ‘If you bring a fight to us, we will absolutely destroy you.’ It’s part of the reason that I haven’t properly visited Texas yet. I think a lot of people find this tagline funny because of that weirdly provocative-sounding threat. Well, British people, and anyone who’s genuinely confused by this phrase, might, depending on your perspective, be thrilled or distraught to discover that the phrase was just part of a successful anti-littering campaign.”
The phrase “Don’t Mess with Texas” comes from a 1985 anti-littering campaign by the Texas Department of Transportation. The first commercial, featuring blues guitarist Stevie Ray Vaughn, was a massive success, and the phrase soon entered the lexicon of Texans and the world beyond.
There’s a great line in Who Framed Roger Rabbit?, where the sultry Jessica Rabbit is asked why she loves her husband, Roger, a manic comedian with a penchant for mischief, who’s half her size. Her answer: “He makes me laugh.”
Although that may seem like an exaggeration, there’s a lot of truth to Jessica’s perspective; heterosexual women consistently rank sense of humor as one of the most attractive traits that a man can have. Heterosexual men also find women with a sense of humor attractive, but to a lesser extent.
A new research paper by Wayne State University linguist Ljiljana Progovac suggests that when it comes to human evolution, the phrase “survival of the fittest” could be replaced by “survival of the wittiest.” Her research shows that in the caveman era, humans shifted from a might-makes-right tribal culture, where physically dominant people had the most opportunities to reproduce, to one where a sense of humor was the sexiest trait you could have.
Why did cavedwellers find a sense of humor sexy?
The big changes came when early humans realized that inter-tribal violence did more harm than good. Therefore, being a physical threat was out of style as it was more advantageous to be “groupish.” Those who could cooperate within their tribe to ensure they could compete with other tribes then started getting all the action.
Even though early humans treated those in their tribe with greater civility, within this friendly society, those who were verbally fluent became dominant and more attractive to potential mates.
“From the very first moment that our ancestors started combining two words together, those combinations opened up a new kind of competition. Not physical. Verbal,” the Science Blog writes. “The ability to coin a devastating nickname, to skewer a rival with a phrase, to make the tribe laugh at someone else’s expense; these skills, she argues, were subject to sexual selection just as surely as the peacock’s tail or the bowerbird’s elaborate stick construction.”
It seems that even though language developed over a hundred thousand years ago, things haven’t changed all that much since.
Progovac posits that early humans could insult one another or express their sense of humor by using simple two-word verb-noun compounds such as “killjoy” or “pickpocket.” According to the author, people who knew how to throw around those compounds in clever ways had higher reproductive fitness than those who weren’t as adept. The children born to witty individuals could then go on to create even more complicated grammatical rules to show off their wit. This, in turn, led to the evolution of more complex languages.
Progovac’s paper also notes that, on one hand, being quick-witted is an advantage when it comes to sexual selection, while those who aren’t as funny are less likely to be selected.
“In addition to positive selection due to superior language skills and eloquence, it is also important to acknowledge the role of negative selection with respect to these skills, as even minor language disturbances or ‘disorders’ can have a detrimental effect on selection,” Progovac writes. “Especially damning seem to be insults that directly refer to such skills, such as dim-witted, half-witted, f**kwit, slow, and dull, indicating the value that is still placed on wit and quick-wittedness. This suggests that quick-wittedness plays a role both in positive and negative selection in humans, even today.”
This study is a wonderful example of two inspiring ideas. The first is that even if you aren’t genetically blessed with traditionally great looks, a sense of humor can go a long way towards helping you find a romantic partner. Second, humans evolved an incredible sense of humor because it was better to make fun of each other than to beat them with a club.
In a time when inflation is forcing people to make their dollars go as far as possible, an Instagram video by Jose Rojas shows how a little creativity can help families stretch their food budget a long way. In the video, Rojas nearly does the impossible: he makes a tasty, healthy meal for two for exactly $1.
Rojas is the creator of Beyond Food Market, which teaches people in underserved communities and food deserts how to make affordable, nutritious meals. Roajs was inspired to help his community after he lost 90 pounds and kept it off. “Because food did so much for me. It changed my life. It transformed my life. I’m like, I gotta share this,” Rojas said.
Rojas makes a really smart move when buying the ingredients for his meal by weighing exactly what he needs, so he doesn’t pay for what he doesn’t need. He purchased a medium russet potato, a small tomato, and a small onion for just $0.65 at the Jimenez Fresh Market on Belmont Ave. in Chicago. He also got a break because the cashier threw in the serrano pepper for free.
Sometimes, making your dollar stretch means going to more than one store (we’ll forget the cost of gas right now). Rojas remembered seeing that pinto beans were just $0.69 a pound at his local Jewel Osco, and he bought half a pound for $0.35, bringing the total cost of his meal to $1.
Rojas’ bill at Jimenez and Jewel Osco. Credit: BeyondFoodMarket (used with permission)
How to cook Rojas’ simple $1 recipe
½ lb pinto beans
1 medium russet potato
1 small tomato
1 small onion
1 serrano pepper
Total cost: $1.00
To cook the meal, Rojas used a pressure cooker, soaking beans in water along with chunks of the potato cut about 1/2” thick. While the beans and potatoes cooked, he made pico de gallo by mixing tomatoes, onions, and serrano pepper. (Is he cheating by including the pepper that he should have paid for? That’s for you to decide.)
The final dish was delicious-looking and could be marketed as a Southwest Burrito Bowl or a Vegan Mexican Bowl if you bought it at a Chipotle-style restaurant. The meal is healthy, too. “The recipe was very simple and inspired by the way many of our families have cooked for generations,” Rojas told Upworthy.
This $1 meal is:
High protein
Extremely high in fiber
Loaded with potassium, iron, and vitamins
100% gluten-free & plant-based
Made from real, whole ingredients
The video has gone viral across multiple platforms, and the response has been overwhelmingly positive. “The best reaction has been people telling me that the video reminded them of how their parents or grandparents used to cook during tough times. Others have said the video gave them hope that they can still cook something warm and nourishing even when money is tight,” Rojas told Upworthy.
Ultimately, Rojas’ desire to help people everywhere change their eating habits is a natural extension of his lived experience. “I learned to be resourceful from my upbringing and life experiences. I grew up in a working-class family, and later in life, I had to completely change the way I ate to improve my health,” he told Upworthy. “I ended up losing 90 pounds by going gluten-free and focusing on simple, whole foods like beans, vegetables, and traditional ingredients. Those experiences taught me that good food doesn’t have to be expensive.”
As we know, baby name trends are constantly changing. One generation’s Barbara is another generation’s Bethany. But it doesn’t make it any less odd when you suddenly realize that your very own name has suddenly made it into the “old and unhip” pile. And for many of us 80s babies…that time is now. In a…
As we know, baby name trends are constantly changing. One generation’s Barbara is another generation’s Bethany. But it doesn’t make it any less odd when you suddenly realize that your very own name has suddenly made it into the “old and unhip” pile. And for many of us 80s babies…that time is now.
In a now-viral TikTok post, baby name consultant Colleen Slagen went through the top 100 girl names from 1986 to find which ones “did not age well” and were no longer ranked top 1,000 today. Such a descent from popularity would mark them as what she calls “timestamp names.” Spoiler alert: what might be even more surprising than the names now considered old school are the names that are still going strong.
The fall of the house of ‘Heather’
The first name that Slagen says is “officially out” is Heather. That’s right, not even cult movie fame could help it keep its ranking.
Other extinct names include Erica, Courtney, Lindsay, Tara, Crystal, Shannon, Brandy and Dana. Tiffany, Brittany and Casey are also heading very much in that direction.
“My name is Brandy. The Gen Z hostess at Olive Garden told me that she’d never heard my name before and it was so unique,” one viewer wrote.
However, Andrea ranks “surprisingly high,” and Jessica, Ashley and Stephanie have survived…so far.
Gobsmacked, one person asked “How is Stephanie still in there? I don’t think I’ve met a Stephanie younger than myself at 34.”
But the biggest holdout still belongs to Jennifer. “She was a top 100 name all the way up until 2008. Round of applause for Jennifer,” Slagen says in the clip.
If your name has found its way into relic of a bygone era status, fret not. Slagen, whose name also ranks out of the top 1000, assures it just means “we are creatures of the 80s.” Of course, while we still have baby names that become incredibly common for extended periods of time (looking at you, little Liam and Olivia), the real contemporary trend is going for uniqueness. As an article in The Atlantic notes, for most of American history families tended to name their children after a previous family member, with the goal of blending in, rather than standing out. But now, things have changed.
Recently, Kelley Cole went viral on TikTok for a video in which she shared the names that Gen Z teens think are now officially for “old ladies,” which they read right out of a classroom from 1985. “I was told my name was an old lady’s name by the teenagers on the adolescent unit I was working on,” she begins her video. “I was surprised, so the subject came up of what names are old lady names versus young names.”
Laura Wattenberg, the founder of Namerology, told the outlet that “Parents are thinking about naming kids more like how companies think about naming products, which is a kind of competitive marketplace where you need to be able to get attention to succeed.”
But again, even with a keen eye on individualism, patterns pop up. “The same thing we see in fashion trend cycles, we see in names,” Jessie Paquette, another professional baby namer, told Vox. “We’re seeing Eleanor, Maude, Edith—cool-girl grandma names.”
So who knows…give it time (or maybe just a pop song) and one of these 80s names could make a comeback.
This article originally appeared last year. It has been updated.
Luke Thompson has achieved heartthrob status as Benedict Bridgerton, the free-spirited, second-born son of the noble family featured in the popular Bridgerton television series. The show’s fourth season focuses on Benedict’s Cinderella-esque love story with a servant named Sophie, played by Yerin Ha.
In an interview promoting season four, Thompson and Ha read questions from Bridgerton fans. One person asked Thompson, who grew up in France and speaks fluent French, to share his favorite French phrase.
We can’t think of a better French teacher! 🇫🇷 Luke Thompson revealed what his favourite French phrase is and taught Yerin the language of love in the process! Watch the FULL video of Yerin Ha and Luke Thompson texting fans at the link in our bio. 🔗 Part 1 of ‘Bridgerton’ season 4 is streaming NOW on @Netflix. #LukeThompson#YerinHa#Bridgerton#French#BenedictBridgerton @Yerin Ha
“My favorite French phrase is probably…Oh! ‘Un ange passe,’” he said.
Ha asked what it meant, and Thompson helped her decipher it. Un = a/an. Ange = angel. Passe = pass(es). In English, “Un ange passe” means “An angel passes.”
“What it means is, when you’re having a conversation, or like just in a group, it’s a nice way of expressing awkward silence,” Thompson explained. “But it’s just those moments where like, just, there’s a bit of a lull and no one says anything. And you say, ‘Un ange passe.’”
“You say, ‘An angel passes,’” Ha said. “That’s really nice.”
It is nice. And it appears to be a glaring omission from the English language, since people in the comments shared that they have similar phrases for awkward silences in their cultures:
“OMG we say the same thing in Arabic!”
“We say the same in Portuguese… ‘passou um anjo’ ☺️”
“In Spanish we say that, at least in Chile ‘pasó un angel or ‘un angel pasó.’”
“In Spanish we say the same thing!! México 🇲🇽”
“In Philippines we have this too! Haha may dumaang anghel 😂”
“In Malay we said: malaikat lalu.”
“We have that phrase in Danish too. But it’s more an angel went through the room.”
“The Dutch also have this, but a reverend walks by instead of the angel 🙈 Angel is much nicer.”
“We say that too in Nigeria. ‘Ndị muozi na agafe.’”
this is so interesting to know because we say the same thing in malay when there’s sudden silence, “malaikat lalu”, which also means “an angel passes” https://t.co/hYa6pcfoRz
It seems that many cultures have handy phrases like this to make a conversational lull feel mystical or magical instead of uncomfortable and awkward. The wording may differ from place to place—apparently, in Russia and Kazakhstan they say, “A cop was born”—but why don’t we have anything even close to it in English?
When silence falls over a group of English speakers, we just stand there and shift our gaze, feeling the heavy seconds tick by. Occasionally, someone might acknowledge the silence by saying, “Well, this is awkward…” but that only emphasizes the awkwardness.
The irony here is that English speakers tend to be particularly uncomfortable with silence, at least compared to cultures in which silence is viewed more positively.
In his research, linguist Haru Yamada found that Americans consider the length of silence in Japanese speakers’ conversations to be “unbearably long.” Unlike many other cultures, we have no sweet, playful saying to slice through the pregnant pause.
Researchers from Holland determined that it takes about 4 seconds for a silence to become awkward.
Not all silence is uncomfortable, of course. It becomes awkward when we expect others to speak—or when we are expected to speak—and no one does.
According to Rebecca Roache, associate professor of philosophy at the University of London, the awkward feeling of silence comes from fear of how it might be interpreted: “Specifically, we worry about one or both of two things: having others misinterpret our silence, and having others correctly interpret our silence.”
In other words, we might worry that people think we’re boring if we don’t have something to say, which would be a misinterpretation of our silence. Then again, we might worry that people will think we’re nervous, which may be a totally correct interpretation of our silence—but just not the impression we want to give others.
everyone on Zoom during that awkward pause between the small talk and the work talk pic.twitter.com/HLUXGkRi69
The beauty of having a standard phrase like “un ange passe” is that it allows everyone to acknowledge that lulls in conversation are a normal, universal phenomenon. It says, “This is so common, we even have a saying for it.” That alone helps lessen the awkwardness. The English language’s lack of such a phrase now feels like a big, gaping hole in our social lives.
Where did the idea of saying “un ange passe” come from in the first place? According to the Lawless French website:
“No one seems to know the origin of the expression, whether the angel’s passing is what causes the silence or if she is attracted by the tranquility, but either way, un ange passe is a nice way to break the tension and continue chatting.”
Can we just start saying “an angel passes” now? Do we need to ask anyone’s permission for this? It appears to be pretty universal, so maybe we English speakers just missed the boat somewhere along the centuries. It feels well past time to remedy that.
In a small village in Pwani, a district on Tanzania’s coast, a massive dance party is coming to a close. For the past two hours, locals have paraded through the village streets, singing and beating ngombe drums; now, in a large clearing, a woman named Sheilla motions for everyone to sit facing a large projector screen. A film premiere is about to begin.
It’s an unusual way to kick off a film about gender bias, inequality, early marriage, and other barriers that prevent girls from accessing education in Tanzania. But in Pwani and beyond, local organizations supported by Malala Fund and funded by Pura are finding creative, culturally relevant ways like this one to capture people’s interest.
The film ends and Sheilla, the Communications and Partnership Lead for Media for Development and Advocacy (MEDEA), stands in front of the crowd once again, asking the audience to reflect: What did you think about the film? How did it relate to your own experience? What can we learn?
Sheilla explains that, once the community sees the film, “It brings out conversations within themselves, reflective conversations.” The resonance and immediate action create a ripple effect of change.
MEDEA Screening Audience in Tanzania. Captured by James Roh for Pura
Across Tanzania, gender-based violence often forces adolescent girls out of the classroom. This and other barriers — including child marriage, poverty, conflict, and discrimination — prevent girls from completing their education around the world.
Sheilla and her team are using film and radio programs to address the challenges girls face in their communities. MEDEA’s ultimate goal is to affirm education as a fundamental right for everyone, and to ensure that every member of a community understands how girls’ education contributes to a stronger whole and how to be an ally for their sisters, daughters, granddaughters, friends, nieces, and girlfriends.
Sheilla’s story is one of many that inspired Heart on Fire, a new fragrance from the Pura x Malala Fund Collection that blends the warm, earthy spices of Tanzania with a playful, joyful twist. Here’s how Pura is using scent as a tool to connect the world and inspire action.
A partnership focused on local impact, on a global mission
Pura, a fragrance company that recognizes education as both freedom and a human right, has partnered with Malala Fund since 2022. In order to defend every girl’s right to access and complete 12 years of education, Malala Fund partners with local organizations in countries where the educational barriers are the greatest. They invest in locally-led solutions because they know that those who are closest to the problems are best equipped to solve and build durable solutions, like MEDEA, which works with communities to challenge discrimination against girls and change beliefs about their education.
But local initiatives can thrive and scale more powerfully with global support, which is why Pura is using their own superpower, the power of scent, to connect people around the world with the women and girls in these local communities.
The Pura x Malala Fund Collection incorporates ingredients naturally found in Tanzania, Nigeria, Pakistan, and Brazil: countries where Malala Fund operates to address systemic education barriers. Eight percent of net revenue from the Pura x Malala Fund Collection will be donated to Malala Fund directly, but beyond financial support, the Collection is also a love letter to each unique community, blending notes like lemon, jasmine, cedarwood, and clove to transport people, ignite their senses, and help them draw inspiration and hope from the global movement for girls’ education. Through scent, people can connect to the courage, joy, and tenacity of girls and local leaders, all while uniting in a shared commitment to education: the belief that supporting girls’ rights in one community benefits all of us, everywhere.
You’ve already met Sheilla. Now see how Naiara and Mama Habiba are building unique solutions to ensure every girl can learn freely and dare to dream.
Naiara Leite is reimagining what’s possible in Brazil
Julia with Odara in Brazil. Captured by Luisa Dorr for Pura
In Brazil, where pear trees and coconut plantations cover the Northeastern Coast, girls like ten-year-old Julia experience a different kind of educational barrier than girls in Tanzania. Too often, racial discrimination contributes to high dropout rates among Black, quilombola and Indigenous girls in the country.
“In the logic of Brazilian society, Black people don’t need to study,” says Naiara Leite, Executive Coordinator of Odara, a women-led organization and Malala Fund partner. Bahia, the state where Odara is based, was once one of the largest slave-receiving territories in the Americas, and because of that history, deeply-ingrained, anti-Black prejudice is still widespread. “Our role and the image constructed around us is one of manual labor,” Naiara says.
But education can change that. In 2020, with assistance from a Malala Fund grant, Odara launched its first initiative for improving school completion rates among Black, quilombola, and Indigenous girls: “Ayomidê Odara”. The young girls mentored under the program, including Julia, are known as the Ayomidês. And like the Pura x Malala Fund Collection’s Brazil: Breath of Courage scent, the Ayomidês are fierce, determined, and bursting with energy.
Ayomidês with Odara in Brazil. Captured by Luisa Dorr for Pura
Ayomidês take part in weekly educational sessions where they explore subjects like education and ethnic-racial relations. The girls are encouraged to find their own voices by producing Instagram lives, social media videos, and by participating in public panels. Already, the Ayomidês are rewriting the narrative on what’s possible for Afro-Brazilian girls to achieve. One of the earliest Ayomidês, a young woman named Debora, is now a communications intern. Another former Ayomidê, Francine, works at UNICEF, helping train the next generation of adolescent leaders. And Julia has already set her sights on becoming a math teacher or a model.
“These are generations of Black women who did not have access to a school,” Naiara says. “These are generations of Black women robbed daily of their dreams. And we’re telling them that they could be the generation in their family to write a new story.”
Mama Habiba is reframing the conversation in Nigeria
Centre for Girls' Education, Nigeria. Captured by James Roh for Pura
In Mama Habiba’s home country of Nigeria, the scents of starfruit, ylang ylang and pineapple, all incorporated into the Pura x Malala Collection’s “Nigeria: Hope for Tomorrow,” can be found throughout the vibrant markets. Like these native scents, Mama Habiba says that the Nigerian girls are also bright and passionate, but too often they are forced to leave school long before their potential fully blooms.
“Some of these schools are very far, and there is an issue of quality, too,” Mama Habiba says. “Most parents find out when their children are in school, the girls are not learning. So why allow them to continue?”
When girls drop out of secondary school, marriage is often the alternative. In Nigeria, one in three girls is married before the age of 18. When this happens, girls are unable to fulfill their potential, and their families and communities lose out on the social, health and economic benefits.
Completing secondary school delays marriage, and according to UNESCO, educated girls become women who raise healthier children, lift their families out of poverty and contribute to more peaceful, resilient communities.
Centre for Girls’ Education, Nigeria. Captured by James Roh for Pura
To encourage young girls to stay in school, the Centre for Girls’ Education, a nonprofit in Nigeria founded by Mama Habiba and supported by Malala Fund and Pura, has pioneered an initiative that’s similar to the Ayomidê workshops in Brazil: safe spaces. Here, girls meet regularly to learn literacy, numeracy, and other issues like reproductive health. These safe spaces also provide an opportunity for the girls to role-play and learn to advocate for themselves, develop their self-image, and practice conversations with others about their values, education being one of them. In safe spaces, Mama Habiba says, girls start to understand “who she is, and that she is a girl who has value. She has the right to negotiate with her parents on what she really feels or wants.”
“When girls are educated, they can unlock so many opportunities,” Mama Habiba says. “It will help the economy of the country. It will boost so many opportunities for the country. If they are given the opportunity, I think the sky is not the limit. It is the starting point for every girl.”
From parades, film screenings to safe spaces and educational programs, girls and local leaders are working hard to strengthen the quality, safety and accessibility of education and overcome systemic challenges. They are encouraging courageous behavior and reminding us all that education is freedom.
Experience the Pura x Malala Fund Collection here, and connect with the stories of real girls leading change across the globe.
While caring for the elderly can be extremely rewarding, it comes with a specific set of challenges that aren’t often discussed. Delivering high-quality care is vital for anyone in this position, but this must come with a level of patience many of us might take for granted.
While visiting my own mother in the senior living home where she resides, I was able to sit down for heart-to-hearts with a few of the caregivers who work for various residents. They opened up in a way I found beautifully vulnerable and surprising. Here are their stories. (At their request, I have changed their names.)
Setting boundaries with families
Caregiver discusses a patient with another family member. / Image via Canva
A woman named Veronica shared that she often feels stuck in the middle of family disputes. “I don’t like it when I’m just trying to do my job and take care of clients and I’ve got 20 people calling me. Sisters, wives, brothers, daughters, sons, and even best friends. Everyone has an opinion. I wish they’d have family meetings and decide what to do without sticking me in the middle.”
Another woman, Anne, added her two cents, saying, “Family dynamics are tricky. I want to respect how hard it is to age on everyone in the family, without feeling like I’m inserting myself in the drama.”
They want to be asked about their day
A caregiver takes a break. / Image via Canva
Anne shares that she sometimes feels invisible. “Sometimes I wish they would ask how things are in my life. What my hopes and wishes are. I would like it if they understood that sometimes I need a day off, or that my body hurts sometimes.”
On a resource site for caregivers, one of the helpful tips is finding the balance between helping others and self-care. This means paying attention to their own mental and physical health needs. “Maintaining your health is crucial for being able to care effectively for your loved one. Take care of your own health by focusing on nutrition, exercise, and sufficient rest. Regular self-care routines can help you stay strong and resilient in the face of caregiving demands.”
Mental Health America also has a few articles dedicated to self-care as a caregiver. “If you cannot remember the last time you slept properly, ate adequately, exercised weekly, or did not feel guilty about taking a sick day, then you’re probably feeling the impacts of caregiving on your mental and physical health. Ask yourself: ‘What could I do to replenish myself?’”
They go on to give tips: “Is there any small action that could improve my life or make me feel more content with my present state? If you’re treating yourself fairly, the answer should be yes. Everyone always has some need that could be better fulfilled—caregivers are no exception.”
Sometimes, especially after a caregiver has worked with a person for more than a month or two, they develop a true bond. While the connection is genuinely satisfying, it can make the loss of that patient even harder.
Mark, who has been working with senior citizens for two decades, explains how devastating the losses can feel. “I worked with a woman named Evelyn for seven years. She passed away at the age of 94. It’s especially hard because when you’re in this business, you might have three clients pass in the span of a few weeks.”
Veronica added, “Sometimes people forget how much we love the elderly we work with.”
These sentiments come back to decompression. Processing just one loss can be difficult. Having to do so for multiple people in a short amount of time takes extra healing time for everyone.
The resource site also notes how important it is to take breaks when needed. “Caregiving can be overwhelming, so taking respite breaks regularly is important. These breaks can help prevent burnout and give you time to recharge. Schedule time for yourself to engage in activities that you enjoy and that help you relax.”
It’s true that we all have the same 24 hours in a day. But it’s our own personal relationship to those 24 hours that greatly determines what that day looks like.
Time is one of those things that is both a constant in our collective reality, and yet highly subjective to the individual. It’s why one person hears “We need to be there 6:30” and translates that to “We need to be out the door in fifteen minutes,” and another person translates it as “Oh, I have plenty of time to change my clothes, walk the dogs, listen to a podcast, and clean out that junk drawer!” And of course, these two individuals will be spouses. It is universal law.
It would seem that—much like how knowing whether you’re an introvert, extrovert, or somewhere in between can help you navigate social settings—knowing your MO when it comes to time management can really help make your day flow a lot smoother.
That’s where the four “time personalities” come in.
In an article for Verywell Mind, experts Kristin Anderson, LCSW, and Dr. Ryan Sultan, explained that most of us fall somewhere on a spectrum between “very rigid” and “very flexible.” There are, of course, various factors that dictate why we might fall into a certain spot—including neurodiversity, age, and other aspects of our overall personality. But regardless, knowing the gifts and challenges of our go-to time management settings can greatly affect how we “function.”
See which one below seems to resonate the most.
The 4 Time Personalities
1. The Time Optimist
The never-ending mantra, or perhaps the “famous last words,” of this personality is “I’ve got plenty of time!” regardless of what the clock says.
Because of this, Sultan says time optimists “don’t really feel pressure under a time crunch.” They truly believe they can fit multiple tasks into a short amount of time and don’t easily account for potential delays, which leads to chronic tardiness.
“They’re ones who leave for a dinner reservation with just enough time to get there, as long as there’s no traffic and they hit every green light,” said Sultan.
Folks who consider themselves time optimists might benefit from exploring the “double it rule,” which has you automatically double the amount of time you think it’ll take to get somewhere or complete a task.
2. Time Anxious
Unlike time optimists, “time anxious” personalities feel an enormous amount of pressure, assuming “everything that can go wrong, will go wrong (e.g., traffic, delays, getting lost on the way).” Therefore, they attempt to ease this tension by showing up to things incredibly early.
Dealing with time anxiety involves many of the same tools to handle everyday anxiety, such as grounding techniques (5-4-3-2-1 technique, deep breathing), cognitive restructuring (challenging perfectionism, setting realistic goals), and structured planning (using calendars/apps, setting “worry time”). These strategies help shift focus from the future to the present, reducing the fear of wasted time. And maybe, just maybe, the time anxious can experiment with being fashionably late to low-pressure situations.
3. Time Bender
For time benders, the whole concept of time is merely subjective. Where time optimists overestimate what they can accomplish within a certain amount of time, time benders create entirely different time rules for themselves. “Being 10 minutes late basically counts as on time,” Anderson uses as an example.
These are the curious, creative souls who thrive under pressure and easily lose track of time when they reach a flow state, or bounce from inspiring task to inspiring task.
To help curb time-bending tendencies, a good option could be the “Pomodoro Technique,” which has you working in focused, 25-minute bursts followed by short breaks to maintain high energy and concentration.
“Time blindness” might sound very close to “time optimism” and “time bending,” but the former is associated with an actual inability to perceive the passage of time. That’s why Anderson and Sultan explained that this category is frequently found in those with ADHD or executive function issues.
4. Time Blind
“It’s not that these folks don’t care about being late or making other people wait,” said Anderson. “Without external reminders or cues, it’s easy for them to lose track of how long things take, which makes sticking to a schedule more challenging.”
Sultan added, “Their brains actually have a difficult time registering and processing temporal information, causing impairments in working memory, executive functioning, and temporal discounting.”
Though time blindness might be more deeply ingrained than the other three personalities, there are several proven tools that can help—from simple, tried-and-true methods like visual/audio timers (think hourglasses and analog clocks) to apps designed to help strengthen time estimation. And of course, these tools aren’t exclusively beneficial to those with bona fide time blindness. Optimists and benders can try them out as well.
Once you better understand how you uniquely navigate time, you’re better able to (a) incorporate strategies that help you work within your limitations and (b) give yourself a little grace. Perhaps that last part is most important.
