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Benny Blanco shocks fiancé Selena Gomez when he reveals that he often cries in the shower

He shared the personal detail in their first joint interview.

Selena Gomez and Benny Blanco
www.interviewmagazine.com

Roe Ethridge

For fans of Selena Gomez and her fiancé (record producer, songwriter) Benny Blanco, it was a treat that they sat down for their first joint interview with Interview magazine's Mel Ottenberg for the piece, Benny and Selena Against the World.They got as candid as two people can get, but it's not surprising. Their vulnerability as individuals is part of what makes them both such talented artists.

It was their behind-the-scenes TikTok video at the interview that grabbed a lot of people's attention. It was there that Benny admitted he gets "death realizations" in the shower. Let me back up. First, he asks Selena, "Have you ever cried in the shower? It's incredible." After she laughs, he gets more serious. "Sometimes you just have to have a good cry. I always get death realizations in the shower. Like, I realize I'm gonna die, but it's in the shower. And then I cry about it a little bit, and then it goes away. And then I feel great because I'm (he gestures) the warm water."

@interviewmag

We love a good shower cry 🚿 @Selena Gomez and @benny blanco answer a few questions about each other behind the scenes of our March issue cover shoot. #selenagomez #bennyblanco

This leads to Selena reading a prepared question: "Who cries the most?" They both agree that it's Selena. Benny touchingly explains, "She cries if she sees any video early in the morning that's like— a dog, a child." Selena adds, "A grandparent." Benny concurs. "A grandparent. Some hybrid of all three that we've never even seen before. She cries."

The printed interview reveals so much about their relationship.

ON THEIR INITIAL FRIENDSHIP

Benny Blanco and Selena GomezPhoto by: Roe Ethridge www.interviewmagazine.com

They met when Selena was about 16 or 17 and still with Disney Records, after her mom set up a meeting. Benny admits, "That's right when I became big and she wasn't a singer yet."

He was drawn to her music, calling her "the original sad girl." But it was their underlying friendship that sealed their fate. Ottenberg asks when they "knew" they were into each other. Selena confesses, "It was really simple. We got in the studio to work on a song, and we just talked; that’s how easy it was for me. I liked him before he liked me."

Benny had no idea. But on their second hangout, he got it. "Our second date, I was like, 'Wait, does she like me?' I was clueless. From then on, it was easy. You know when you think you met the right person, you’re like, 'Oh my god.' But it feels so different. The second we started hanging out, I was like, 'This is my wife.' I was telling my mom, 'This is the girl I’m going to marry.'"

ON MUTUAL RESPECT

selena gomez GIF by Interscope RecordsGiphy

When it comes to her music, Selena is incredibly humble and admits she has had trouble in the past asking for what she wants on an album. Of Benny, she says, "Sometimes it’s difficult for me to speak up. Most of my anxiety right now is wanting him to speak because I feel like he’s more talented than I am in this field. It’s like working with a great filmmaker. Whether we were together or not, I think he still would’ve listened to everything that I had to say, and he was able to almost transcribe it into music, into what the feeling of what I was talking about should be. And I really found that to be helpful because this album definitely feels just as much mine as I’m sure it does his."

Benny is in awe of Selena's talent. "The thing that Selena does that not a lot of artists do is she’s never afraid to tell the truth, even if it might not be the most popular thing. Sometimes she’s sad, sometimes she hasn’t figured out love, but she always says it in the realest way that so many people can connect with. So many pop stars are unattainable, but somehow she’s the largest person in the room and makes each person feel like she’s exactly like them."

ON HOW TO MAKE IT WORK

Selena Gomez and Benny BlancoPhoto by: Roe Ethridge www.interviewmagazine.com

Benny makes this one simple. "Happy wife, happy life. Shut the f up and listen to your partner." Selena cuts to the chase too. "Find your best friend and don't settle."

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Dad's heartfelt lunch message shows how simple, everyday acts can change lives

You can make a huge difference by using O Organics.

via Meg Sullivan (used with permission) and Canva/Photos

A volunteer hands out food in a food bank and Meg Sullivan shares her dad's kind gesture.

When we consider people who have had a positive impact on the world, we often think of those who have made grand gestures to improve the lives of others, such as Martin Luther King, Jr., Greta Thunberg, or Mahatma Gandhi. Unfortunately, that type of effort is out of reach for the average person.

However, O Organics would like to remind everyone that they can positively impact the world through small, consistent acts of kindness that add up over time. Much like how a small creek can create a valley over the years, we can change lives through small, consistent acts of kindness.

O Organics is dedicated to the well-being of all by nourishing people everywhere with delicious organic foods grown by producers who meet USDA-certified organic farming standards.

Upworthy's Instagram page recently posted a touching example of everyday kindness. Meg Sullivan shared how her father, Tom, peeled oranges for her lunch just about every day from kindergarten through high school. But on the final day of her senior year of high school, he sent his 17-year-old daughter unpeeled oranges with a touching note about how she’d have to start peeling them for herself.



“It’s Time Baby Girl,” he wrote on a wikiHow printout on how to peel an orange with a drawing of himself crying. For the father, this daily ritual was about more than just making lunch; it was about showing that he cared by going the extra mile. “I could have put money on her lunch account,” Tom told Today.com. “But it’s one of those little things I thought was important, that she knows somebody’s taking the time to take care of her.”

The small, daily gesture taught Megan an essential lesson in kindness.

The post reminded people how their fathers’ small acts of kindness meant so much to them. “My dad peeled my oranges until I graduated high school, too. Now, I peel my daughter’s oranges and will for the next 7 plus years,” Katie wrote in the comments. “Love this. My dad peeled mine, too. When I moved out, he gave me an orange peeler gadget,” Mary added.

o organics, albertson's giving backO Organics has a wide array of foods and flavors covering almost everything on your shopping list.via Albertson's

Did you know that every time you go to the supermarket, you can also change the world through small gestures? O Organics not only allows you to feed your family delicious and nutritious organic food, but each purchase also gives back to help people and communities facing food insecurity.

Through contributions from customers like you, O Organics donates up to 28 million meals annually. The company’s contribution is essential when, according to the USDA, 47.4 million Americans live in food-insecure households.

O Organics has a wide array of foods and flavors covering almost everything on your shopping list. “Over the years, we have made organic foods more accessible by expanding O Organics to every aisle across our stores, making it possible for health and budget-conscious families to incorporate organic food into every meal,” Jennifer Saenz, EVP and Chief Merchandising Officer at Albertsons, one of many stores where you can find O Organics products, said in a statement.

O Organics now offers over 1500 items, from dairy products such as eggs and milk to packaged meats and breakfast staples such as cereal bars, granola and oatmeal. You can also enjoy affordable organic produce with O Organics’ fresh salads and fruit.

Everybody wants to make the world a better place. With O Organics, you can feed your family healthy, organic food every time you go to the market while paying it forward by contributing to the company’s efforts to end food insecurity nationwide. That’s a small, daily gesture that can amount to incredible change.

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Parenting

Yet another school district shifts to 4-day week and parents are sounding off

So... when are we getting the matching 4-day work week?

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When talking with other parents I know, it's hard not to sound like a grumpy old man when we get around to discussing school schedules. "Am I the only one who feels like kids have so many days off? I never got that many days off when I was a kid! And I had to go work in the coal mine after, too!" I know what I sound like, but I just can't help it.

In Georgia, where I live, we have a shorter summer break than some other parts of the country. But my kids have the entire week of Thanksgiving off, a week in September, two whole weeks at Christmas, a whole week off in February, and a weeklong spring break. They have asynchronous days (during which they complete assignments at home, which usually takes about 30 minutes) about once a month, and they have two or three half-day weeks throughout the year. Quite honestly, it feels like they're never in school for very long before they get another break, which makes it tough to get in a rhythm with work and career goals. Plus, we're constantly arranging day camps and other childcare options for all the time off. Actually, I just looked it up and I'm not losing my mind: American kids have fewer school days than most other major countries.

So it caught my attention in a major way when I read that Whitney Independent School District in Texas recently decided to enact a 4-day week heading into the 2025 school year. That makes it one of dozens of school districts in Texas to make the change and over 900 nationally.


Giphy

The thought of having the kids home from school EVERY Friday or Monday makes me want to break out in stress hives. But this 4-day school week movement isn't designed to give parents a headache. It's meant to lure teachers back to work.

Yes, teachers are leaving the profession in droves and young graduates don't seem eager to replace them. Why? The pay is bad, for starters, but that's just the beginning. Teachers are burnt out, undermined and criticized relentlessly, held hostage by standardized testing, and more. It can be a grueling, demoralizing, and thankless job. The love and passion they have for shaping the youth of tomorrow can only take you so far when you feel like you're constantly getting the short end of the stick.

School districts want to pay their teachers more, in theory, but their hands are often tied. So they're getting creative to recruit the next generation of teachers into their schools — starting with an extra day off for planning, catch-up, or family time every week.

Teachers in 4-day districts often love the new schedule. Kids love it (obviously). It's the parents who, as a whole, aren't super thrilled.

Photo by National Cancer Institute on Unsplash

So far, the data shows that the truncated schedule perk is working. In these districts, job applications for teachers are up, retirements are down, and teachers are reporting better mental well-being. That's great news!

But these positive developments may be coming at the price of the working parents in the communities. Most early adopters of the 4-day week have been rural communities with a high prevalence of stay-at-home parents. As the idea starts to take hold in other parts of the country, it's getting more pushback. Discussions on Reddit, Facebook, and other social media are overrun with debate on how this is all going to shake up. Some parents, to be fair, like the idea! If they stay-at-home or have a lot of flexibility, they see it as an opportunity for more family time. But many are feeling anxious. Here's what's got those parents worried:

The effect on students' achievement is still unclear.

The execution of the 4-day week varies from district to district. Some schools extend the length of each of the four days, making the total instructional time the same. That makes for a really long day, and some teachers say the students are tired and more unruly by the late afternoon. Some districts are just going with less instruction time overall, which has parents concerned that their kids might fall behind.

4-day school weeks put parents in a childcare bind.

Having two working parents is becoming more common and necessary with the high cost of living. I know, I know — "school isn't daycare!" But it is the safe, reliable, and educational place we send our kids while we need to work.

Families with money and resources may be able to enroll their kids in more academics, extracurriculars, sports, or childcare, but a lot of normal families won't be able to afford that cost. Some schools running a 4-day week offer a paid childcare option for the day off, but that's an added expense and for families with multiple kids in the school system, it's just not possible.

This will inevitably end with some kids getting way more screentime.

With most parents still working 5-day weeks, and the cost of extra activities or childcare too high, a lot of kids are going to end up sitting around on the couch with their iPad on those days off. I'm no expert, and I'm certainly not against screentime, but adding another several hours of it to a child's week seems less than ideal.

Of course there are other options other than paid childcare and iPads. There are play dates, there's getting help from family and friends. All of these options are an enormous amount of work to arrange for parents who are already at capacity.

Working 4 days is definitely a win for teachers that makes the job more appealing. But it doesn't address the systemic issues that are driving them to quit, retire early, or give up their dreams of teaching all together.

Giphy

A Commissioner of Education from Missouri calls truncated schedules a "band-aid solution with diminishing returns." Having an extra planning day won't stop teachers from getting scapegoated by politicians or held to impossible curriculum standards, it won't keep them from having to buy their own supplies or deal with ever-worsening student behavior.

Some teachers and other experts have suggested having a modified 5-day school week, where one of the days gets set aside as a teacher planning day while students are still on-site participating in clubs, music, art — you know, all the stuff that's been getting cut in recent years. Something like that could work in some places.

As a dad, I don't mind the idea of my busy kids having an extra day off to unwind, pursue hobbies, see friends, catch up on projects, or spend time as a family. And I'm also very much in favor of anything that takes pressure off of overworked teachers. But until we adopt a 4-day work week as the standard, the 4-day school week is always going to feel a little out of place.


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Health

Conflict expert shares the trick to change the mind of anyone who disagrees with you

Sadly, facts don't work.

via LinkedIn Sales Solutions/Unsplash

A great salesman makes his pitch.

Have you ever disagreed with someone, and even though you had all of the facts on your side, you still failed to persuade the other person? You probably walked away thinking they were thick-headed and couldn't accept reality. But it was more likely just because they are human.

People cling to their firmly held beliefs about politics, religion, or whether pineapple belongs on pizza because they are closely attached to who we are as people. If we come to believe our core beliefs aren’t true, then who are we? The funny thing is that if you counter someone with facts, they will often refuse to believe them and hold onto their incorrect belief even more firmly. It’s a psychological phenomenon known as the backfire effect.

So, if you fight with your brother-in-law about crime rates and show him credible FBI statistics that counter his claim, chances are he will tell you that the facts and figures are made up or that the source isn’t trustworthy.

persuasion, arguing, changing mindsFriends get into a fight.via Canva/Photos

How do we change other people’s minds?

So the question is: Is it even possible to change anyone’s mind? Should we even try? The answer is yes, but it is counterintuitive. “A big mistake we make is that we think facts are powerful and that they sway people,” Kurt Gray, a social psychology professor at the University of North Carolina, Chapel Hill, tells CNBC Make It. Gray is the author of “Outraged: Why We Fight About Morality and Politics and How to Find Common Ground.”

According to Gray, the key to persuading people is seeing them as someone just like you. “We are all just trying to protect ourselves, our family, our kids, and our society,” he says. But we’re fixated on different harms.” He suggests that we establish a connection with the other person and understand their fears.

What’s the best way to argue with someone?

To establish a connection, ask questions about what motivates their belief. If it’s a fear of crime, ask them to share why they feel there is more crime today. Then, validate their feelings by saying you understand why those observations would lead to that conclusion. That’s when you can try and influence their opinion by sharing a personal story about why you feel differently. “Others are more likely to find some merit in your argument if you share a personal anecdote, as opposed to some statistics, to show why you stand where you do,” Gray says.

persuasion, arguing, changing mindsDaughter won't listen to her mother.via Canva/Photos

Whatever you do, don’t make the conversation about scoring points. Be sure it’s an honest discussion about how both of you came to your opinions. “My number one tip is if you go into these conversations trying to win, you’ve already lost because no one ever admits defeat when it comes to morality,” he says. “Sharing and connecting on a human level was more effective than arguing,” Gray told Time. Often, people “think the best thing to do is to argue as aggressively as possible,” but that’s not the case.

Ultimately, you’ll be more successful at sharing your beliefs and influencing others if you go into the conversation attempting to understand the other person’s position instead of proving them wrong. Facts aren’t great at changing people’s minds, but empathy and connection might. So next time you’re in a tense discussion with someone, coo down the situation by ditching the stats and sharing your story. You may not bring the other person to your side, but you may find common ground.

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Health

Man unexpectedly dies during brain scan. What scientists saw should give everyone comfort.

They may have uncovered the secrets of our final moments.

via Canva

A doctor is analyzing brain scans.

Death remains one of the greatest mysteries of life. It’s impossible to know what happens as a person passes and whether there’s anything afterward because no one has ever been able to report what happens from beyond the grave. Of course, if you ask those with a keen interest in the supernatural, they may say otherwise.

However, in 2021, researcher Dr. Raul Vicente and his colleagues at the University of Tartu, Estonia, became the first people ever to record the brainwaves of someone in the process of dying, and what they’ve come to realize should be very comforting to everyone. “We measured 900 seconds of brain activity around the time of death and set a specific focus to investigate what happened in the 30 seconds before and after the heart stopped beating,” Dr. Ajmal Zemmar, a neurosurgeon at the University of Louisville, US, who organized the study, told Frontiers.


The patient who died while having his brain waves measured was 87 years old and had epilepsy. While researchers were studying his brain to learn more about the condition, they had a heart attack and passed away. “Just before and after the heart stopped working, we saw changes in a specific band of neural oscillations, so-called gamma oscillations, but also in others such as delta, theta, alpha, and beta oscillations,” Zemmar said.

The different types of brain oscillations that occurred in the patient before and after the heart attack were associated with high cognitive functions, including dreaming, concentrating, memory retrieval, and memory flashbacks. Therefore, it’s possible that as the patient was dying, they had their life flash before their eyes. What an amazing and comforting experience right before leaving this mortal coil.

“Through generating oscillations involved in memory retrieval, the brain may be playing a last recall of important life events just before we die, similar to the ones reported in near-death experiences,” Zemmar speculated. “These findings challenge our understanding of when exactly life ends and generate important subsequent questions, such as those related to the timing of organ donation.”


How long are people conscious after they are technically dead?

Science has found that people can remain conscious up to 20 seconds after they are declared dead. Even after the heart and breathing have stopped, the cerebral cortex can hang on for a while without oxygen. So, some people may experience the moment when they hear themselves declared dead, but they aren’t able to move or react to the news. In cases where someone performs CPR on the deceased person, the blood pumped by the compressions can temporarily keep the brain alive as well.

Although the experience of death will probably always remain a mystery, we should take solace in the idea that, in many cases, it may not necessarily be a miserable experience but an ecstatic final burst of consciousness that welcomes us into the great beyond. “Something we may learn from this research is: although our loved ones have their eyes closed and are ready to leave us to rest, their brains may be replaying some of the nicest moments they experienced in their lives,” Zemmar concludes.

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Joy

Woman shares the sweetest party invite she got from her adorable 85-year-old neighbor

His sweet gesture brought the entire neighborhood together in the best way.

@meeester/TikTok

The party would apparently start at 4pm and stop "when the cops arrived."

For the most part, our lives and that of our neighbors rarely intersect, minus the occasional chit chat in passing. Or perhaps a (hopefully polite) request to be mindful of noise levels. Either way, the tone is generally more superficial than anything else.

But ever so often, there are these miraculous moments of deep connection that seem to happen out of nowhere. Only in truth, these moments aren’t so much an act of divine intervention as they are every day people actively choosing to build those connections.

In a now viral video posted online, we see a beautiful example of this all too rare phenomenon, thanks to a sweet 85-year-old old named Doug, and a doorbell camera.

In the clip, posted to TikTok by his neighbor Michelle Larosa, we see Doug warmly introduce himself, then offer her an invite to his “winter party” before walking back across the street to his home. Doug would later share in an interview with Today that these annual gatherings were a way to “keep busy” after his wife's passing. In addition, he loves helping bring people together.

@meeesher Replying to @Hannah Collier here he is😭 it gets cut off but he’s so sweet! #neighbors #cryingintheclub #neighborhoodparty #bestneighborhood #invitation #oldneighbor ♬ original sound - Meeesher

Larosa then shows off said invite, which had an adorable snowflake drawn on the top, along with the note to not bring anything “but a smile” as well as the date and time of the celebration: February 15, from 4pm “til the cops arrive.” (Doug apparently knows how to party!)

“I love old people. This is the sweetest thing ever,” Larosa swooned.

And in case there was any doubt as to Doug’s party throwing skills, in yet another clip, we see an incredible spread of libations and snacks (many donated due to Doug’s new found internet fame), along with some games, flowers, two splendid cakes…and of course a happy crowd of partygoers. Plus, Larosa apparently livestreamed the shindig, where millions of viewers tuned in.

All in all, seems like a night well done. And even more importantly, neighboring done right. Hence why people are wishing they had their very own neighbor Doug.

@meeesher Just a few details, will be shouting out all the brands and small businesses tomorrow❤️ #dougswinterparty #doug #dougsparty #neighborhood #bestneighbors #winterparty ♬ original sound - Noah Kahan

Just take a look at some of these comments from across various social media platforms:

“I had to stop watching because I was bawling and I’m sick. So incredibly sweet and beautiful in a time where everything is so darn ugly.”

“This was just amazing. The way the entire WORLD came together. The power of it all is astounding.”

“Thank you for letting us all experience what being a true neighbor is all about!”

This, this is what matters. Kindness matters . Bringing people together matters.

How everyone was so touched by this man. This was really special and really spoke to how good humans can be.

Pretty clear that simply witnessing this moment instilled some much needed joy. Imagine if we took a page from Doug’s book, and tried to initiate opportunities for connections within our own community. How much more optimistic, peaceful, happy we might feel about ourselves and the world. It might not always be the most comfortable thing to make ourselves known to strangers, but it’s that vital first step to creating friendship, and often well worth the risk.

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Health

NYT games like Wordle and Connections are good for cognitive health, with one big caveat

How you feel about doing them matters more than you might think.

Photo credit: Canva (left) Screenshot of completed Wordle game via NYT app (right)

Millions of people enjoy NYT Games puzzles like Wordle.

Every morning, I sit down with my cup of coffee, open up the New York Times Games app on my phone, and do the Wordle, Connections, Strands, and Mini-Crossword, in that order. As I complete each game, I send my results to the "Puzzle Pals Gang" group chat I have with some friends and family. We compare. We gloat. We trash talk. We congratulate. It's a delightful routine.

And we're not the only ones. According to the New York Times, there were 4.8 billion plays of Wordle, 2.3 billion plays of Connections, and 8 billion game and puzzle plays total in 2023. A whole lot of people love their brain games.

I like to think I'm benefiting from a nice little brain workout when I do those puzzles, but am I really? According to Mark Alberts, MD, chief of neurology at Hartford Hospital and co-physician-in-chief at the Ayer Neuroscience Institute, I probably am—but that doesn't mean everyone else is.

"These sorts of brain exercises can be very helpful for improving your ability to think and remember,” Alberts says, but that's only true if you're someone who actually likes and enjoys doing them. People who find the games fun can enjoy a boost in memory, attention and other cognitive functions. But for those who just find them stressful or frustrating, the cognitive benefit doesn't outweigh the negative impacts.

“Sure, crossword puzzles and Sudoku could be fun for some people. But if they’re distressing to you—or just not fun—they won’t be beneficial,” says Dr. Alberts.

puzzle write GIFGiphy

As someone who loves games and puzzles, I'm surely reaping the cognitive benefits. Someone who gets super stressed out by them would not, but that doesn't mean there aren't other ways for people who don't enjoy games to give their own brains a boost.

“Emotional well-being has a huge impact on cognition, so it’s important to choose activities that give you joy,” says Dr. Alberts. “Find a different hobby. Take a class. Teach a class! Keep learning in other ways.”

And, of course, there's not widespread agreement on the degree to which these games are helpful to brain health, either. Susanne Jaeggi, a professor with the Center for Cognitive and Brain Health at Northeastern University, says that the games being good for brains question isn't that simple.

“There are a lot of different things that contribute to our brain health," Jaeggi says. "As long as you’re doing something that keeps your brain engaged and fit, that could potentially be helpful to prevent age-related cognitive decline. Whether it’s exactly these games, that’s an open question, because a lot of these are new and there’s not a lot of (research) out there.”

A big question people have is whether games can help ward off age-related cognitive issues and dementia diseases. While Alberts says there’s no evidence for brain games preventing or delaying the onset of dementia, certain games do utilize cognitive functions that tend to diminish with age. “Fluid functions” like problem-solving, processing speed, and working memory tend to wane as we age, and some of the NTY Games puzzles force your brain to perform those functions.

A study published in NEJM EvidenceNEJM Evidence found some evidence that crossword puzzles can have a positive impact on aging brains. The study found that people age 62 to 80 with mild memory problems who played web-based crossword puzzles showed improved cognition and less brain shrinkage than to those who played web-based cognitive games.

However, crossword puzzles largely draw on things we already know, which is different than making our brains do something new or solve problems. “All your knowledge that you accumulate as a result of expertise and education, these are skills that remain as we age,” Jaeggi said. “Things like crossword puzzles that have you retrieve this accumulated knowledge, that’s not typically something that declines with age.”

One way to keep our brains sharp as we age is to try new things, and games can be a part of that. “What seems to be the case is that if you learn new skills and they’re challenging at whatever level of challenge is appropriate for you, then you see benefits,” said Art Kramer, psychology professor and director for Northeastern University's Center for Cognitive and Brain Health. “So if you’ve never done crossword puzzles or you’ve never played (Sudoku), that might be of benefit to you.”

Novel and enjoyable seem to be the key, so if games are your thing and you want to reap the benefits, enjoy the puzzles you love but also try some new ones once in a while.

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