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See how this moving installation at IKEA is changing hearts and minds.

The situation on the ground in Syria is devastating.

Years of a brutal and unrelenting civil war have ravaged the once beautiful nation. In the city of Aleppo, streets are filled with rubble. Schools, homes, and businesses were razed by bombs, and rubble and dust clog once vibrant districts.

A Syrian boy prepares manakish in the rebel-held side of Aleppo. Photo by Karam Al-Masri/AFP/Getty Images.

The United Nations estimates that 400,000 people have been killed since the conflict began. 4.8 million people have sought refuge in neighboring countries, but another 6.6 million are displaced within Syria, living in fear amid explosions and destruction.

Now, an unlikely brand is stepping up to raise awareness of the situation on the ground in Syria: IKEA.

IKEA partnered with POL, an advertising agency, to set up an interactive installation in their flagship store in Norway. "25m2 of Syria" takes shoppers inside a Syrian home.

GIF via POL/Vimeo.

But unlike the well-appointed, model apartments typical of IKEA displays, this space is based on the real home of Rana, a mother who lives outside Damascus, Syria, with her family of nine.

Image via POL/Vimeo.

There are cold walls made of cinder blocks.  

Image via POL/Vimeo.

Children share small, simple beds on the floor.

Image via POL/Vimeo.

And there's little room room or money for toys, personal items, or simple comforts.

Image via POL/Vimeo.

The tags in the exhibit aren't products for sale. They offer more information about the crisis and suggestions for how individuals can help and support people in Syria.

Image via POL/Vimeo.

Interactive installations like this help people connect and empathize with families half a world away.

This partnership came together to promote TV-Aksjonen, Norway's annual fundraising telethon. Proceeds from this year's event will go toward Red Cross and their work in conflict zones.

Because when all we see on the news are bombs, blood, and know-it-all pundits, it's easy for fear and xenophobia to take over. Any opportunities to see how families live, even in the most dire circumstances, is a much-needed reminder that we are all more alike than we are different.

GIF via POL/Vimeo.

Can't get to Norway to see the installation for yourself? Here are a few ways you can help Syrian refugees.

Learn: Check out books, magazines, and trusted news sources to learn about the long and beautiful history of Syria as well as the current conflict. Don't have a lot of time to read? Download podcasts on foreign affairs from NPR, CNN, BBC, and the United Nations.

Listen: Seek out and really listen to first-person stories of people on the ground and refugees who were able to flee. Signal-boost these primary sources because their stories deserve to be heard.

The United Nations high commissioner for refugees, Filippo Grandi (right), listens to Syrian refugee Samar Barri and her family. Photo by Louisa Gouliamaki/AFP/Getty Images.

Donate: If you have any wiggle room in your budget, consider donating to organizations on the ground in Syria. To operate in the country, aid agencies need express permission from the government. Most never receive it, and those that do are limited in what type of support they can provide.

Hand in Hand for Syria is delivering medication, food, clothing, diapers, and medical equipment to the Syrian people through scheduled aid drops and a network of volunteers throughout the country. ShelterBox provides emergency shelter and supplies to communities effected by natural disasters or humanitarian crises. And be sure to check Charity Navigator to vet any aid group before you donate funds.

Syrians unload an aid convoy of the International Committee of the Red Cross and the Syrian Arab Red Crescent. Photo by Mahmoud Taha/AFP/Getty Images.

Advocate: Call your elected officials and let your voice be heard regarding the war in Syria and subsequent refugee crises. Mobilize your friends and family to do more, like helping refugee families in your own community or speaking out against xenophobic rhetoric.

Protesters listen to speakers in Parliament Square during a demonstration to show support for refugees in London. Photo by Jack Taylor/Getty Images.

Once you're aware, this crisis is impossible to ignore.

From our homes a world away, we may not be able to stop bombs or rebuild hospitals and schools. But we can do so much. And we must.

Watch the video for "25m2 of Syria" to see the full installation.

Conservation

A juice company dumped orange peels in a national park. This is what it looks like today.

12,000 tons of food waste and 28 years later, this forest looks totally different.

Image via Dan Jansen

A before and after view of the experiment

In 1997, ecologists Daniel Janzen and Winnie Hallwachs approached an orange juice company in Costa Rica with an off-the-wall idea. In exchange for donating a portion of unspoiled, forested land to the Área de Conservación Guanacaste — a nature preserve in the country's northwest — the park would allow the company to dump its discarded orange peels and pulp, free of charge, in a heavily grazed, largely deforested area nearby.

One year later, one thousand trucks poured into the national park, offloading over 12,000 metric tons of sticky, mealy, orange compost onto the worn-out plot. The site was left untouched and largely unexamined for over a decade. A sign was placed to ensure future researchers could locate and study it.

16 years later, Janzen dispatched graduate student Timothy Treuer to look for the site where the food waste was dumped.

Treuer initially set out to locate the large placard that marked the plot — and failed.


natural wonders, nature, recycling, conservation, environment, oranges, orange peels, dumpsThe first deposit of orange peels in 1996.Photo by Dan Janzen.


"It's a huge sign, bright yellow lettering. We should have been able to see it," Treuer says. After wandering around for half an hour with no luck, he consulted Janzen, who gave him more detailed instructions on how to find the plot.

When he returned a week later and confirmed he was in the right place, Treuer was floored. Compared to the adjacent barren former pastureland, the site of the food waste deposit was "like night and day."


Environment, natural wonder, natural miracles, nature, oranges, planet, conservation The site of the orange peel deposit (L) and adjacent pastureland (R).Photo by Leland Werden.


"It was just hard to believe that the only difference between the two areas was a bunch of orange peels. They look like completely different ecosystems," he explains.

The area was so thick with vegetation he still could not find the sign.

Treuer and a team of researchers from Princeton University studied the site over the course of the following three years.

The results, published in the journal "Restoration Ecology," highlight just how completely the discarded fruit parts assisted the area's turnaround.

According to the Princeton School of International Public Affairs, the experiment resulted in a "176 percent increase in aboveground biomass — or the wood in the trees — within the 3-hectare area (7 acres) studied."

The ecologists measured various qualities of the site against an area of former pastureland immediately across the access road used to dump the orange peels two decades prior. Compared to the adjacent plot, which was dominated by a single species of tree, the site of the orange peel deposit featured two dozen species of vegetation, most thriving.


natural wonder, nature, environment, conservation, oranges, orange peelsLab technician Erik Schilling explores the newly overgrown orange peel plot.Photo by Tim Treuer.


In addition to greater biodiversity, richer soil, and a better-developed canopy, researchers discovered a tayra (a dog-sized weasel) and a giant fig tree three feet in diameter, on the plot.

"You could have had 20 people climbing in that tree at once and it would have supported the weight no problem," says Jon Choi, co-author of the paper, who conducted much of the soil analysis. "That thing was massive."

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Recent evidence suggests that secondary tropical forests — those that grow after the original inhabitants are torn down — are essential to helping slow climate change.

In a 2016 study published in Nature, researchers found that such forests absorb and store atmospheric carbon at roughly 11 times the rate of old-growth forests.

Treuer believes better management of discarded produce — like orange peels — could be key to helping these forests regrow.

In many parts of the world, rates of deforestation are increasing dramatically, sapping local soil of much-needed nutrients and, with them, the ability of ecosystems to restore themselves.

Meanwhile, much of the world is awash in nutrient-rich food waste. In the United States, up to half of all produce in the United States is discarded. Most currently ends up in landfills.


natural wonder, nature, conservation, environment, planet, oranges, orange peelsThe site after a deposit of orange peels in 1998.Photo by Dan Janzen.


"We don't want companies to go out there will-nilly just dumping their waste all over the place, but if it's scientifically driven and restorationists are involved in addition to companies, this is something I think has really high potential," Treuer says.

The next step, he believes, is to examine whether other ecosystems — dry forests, cloud forests, tropical savannas — react the same way to similar deposits.

Two years after his initial survey, Treuer returned to once again try to locate the sign marking the site.

Since his first scouting mission in 2013, Treuer had visited the plot more than 15 times. Choi had visited more than 50. Neither had spotted the original sign.

In 2015, when Treuer, with the help of the paper's senior author, David Wilcove, and Princeton Professor Rob Pringle, finally found it under a thicket of vines, the scope of the area's transformation became truly clear.



natural wonder, nature, environment, environmental miracle, planet, oranges, orange peelsThe sign after clearing away the vines.Photo by Tim Treuer.


"It's a big honking sign," Choi emphasizes.

19 years of waiting with crossed fingers had buried it, thanks to two scientists, a flash of inspiration, and the rind of an unassuming fruit.

This article originally appeared eight years ago.

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science
Joy

People debate which accent they think is sexiest and it's probably not what you think

According to polls, French no longer holds the top spot.

commons.wikimedia.org

Emile Wauters

Some say beauty is in the eye of the beholder—but it looks like that might apply to the ear of the beholder as well. To one person, a mighty Scottish accent might have them swooning (think Groundskeeper Willie from The Simpsons yelling "Och aye the noo!" or perhaps a Ewan McGregor Obi-Wan Kenobi monologue). To others, a Texas drawl may be the hottest thing they've ever heard. A simple “Y’all” or “I’m fixin’ to make supper” with a West Texas dialect could really get those fires stoked, so to speak.

the simpsons, groundskeeper willie, accents, tv, cultureseason 6 episode 23 GIFGiphy

The sexiness of accents is subjective, of course. Though, according to polls, some fare better than others. In an article on Euro News, David Mouriquand references a 2017 poll conducted by the language tutorial app Babbel. He shares that they “polled more than 15,000 people, who named French the ‘sexiest accent.’” However, when about 6,000 people in the US, UK, France, Spain, Italy, and Germany were polled by Babbel just last year, there was a new favorite in town.

There was a slight variation in the polling question. In the more recent case, people were asked what they believed to be the “sexiest language.” More specifically, the languages they found “most sexy, most romantic, and most passionate.” "The findings stated that Italian was perceived by the highest number of people to be both the 'most sexy' and the 'most romantic.'" (Interestingly, “British English was found to be the ‘most polite,’ while German won the top spot for ‘most direct.’”)

Still, the sample size was relatively small and only Western countries were surveyed, which is a distinction worth noting. To that point, Mouriquand shares this interesting tidbit: in 2017, linguist Patti Adank, a professor of speech perception and production at University College London, noted that “English speakers are drawn to the ‘melody’ of a language such as French or Italian.”

french, languages, french language, speaking, accentsFrench Yes GIF by Robert E BlackmonGiphy

For a larger sample size, Reddit and TikTok have entered the chat with their views on “sexiest” dialects. And once again, the answers seem relative to the origin country of the commenter. On a subreddit thread, one person asks "What accent do you find the most attractive?" A Redditor answers, “I, an Australian with a very heavy accent, traveled to rural Scotland several years ago and good grief, we spoke the same language yet understood nothing the other said.” So, Scottish might be out of the running—for them.

Another brings up the Mid-Atlantic dialect popular on the East Coast from the 1800s through the mid-1940s (This accent was made extra famous by American movie stars in the '30s and '40s). Someone responds: “Funny thing—that in Slavic countries, we basically LEARN this accent as an ideal, excellent accent. I had a teacher who tortured me with some cuts from films to repeat NOTE TO NOTE.”

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

This person is not conflicted. After pointing out that of all the places they’ve been—“England, South Korea, Japan, Ireland, Scotland, Australia, and Germany”—there’s a clear winner: “Aussie women win.”

One Redditor doesn’t just love an accent—they love everything about the culture: “I love French wine like I love the French language. I have sampled every language—French is my favorite. Fantastic language. Especially to curse with. It's like wiping your arse with silk.”

Plenty chose German, but Scottish is higher on the list than one might think. One user says, “Move over, French. Looks like Scottish is the new sexy accent.”

On another Reddit thread, the question of the sexiest accent was followed by a clarifier: “What’s the sexiest accent in your opinion—and what nationality are you?” Again—Scottish is climbing the charts. “I’m Filipino and think Scottish accents are very sexy.”

The English often find Irish lilts, French accents, and American accents of all kinds appealing. One comments that they find American accents sexy because: “You just know they are s---ts for British men.” And to that point, one Redditor asks, “With the ‘Sexiest Accent’ thread going on, it got me wondering—does anyone consider American accents to be sexy?”

An American responded that the Irish seemed to find their accent super appealing. Turns out they were from Southern Illinois. Again—it’s all relative.

@irishdaily

Top 5 most attractive accents according science! Are you surprised by this?🤔 Is the Scottish accent really more attractive than the irish accent☘️?🤔☘️😄 #irishaccent . . 📸👉 @twobrokechicks_ 👏☘️😊 #irishdaily #tiktokoftheday #scottishaccent #irishhumour #science #irish #ireland #accent #scotland #spanish #french #italian #fyp

Over on TikTok, many weighed in and there was lots of dissent after Scottish was revealed as the sexiest accent This TikTok user gets right to the point: “Scottish…. Loooooooooool where did you do that poll? In Glasgow?”

Also in the comment section, Arabic, Indonesian, and Russian get some love. And last—but far from least—are the accents within Spanish-speaking countries. An entire YouTube video is dedicated to finding out "Which Spanish accent is sexiest?" (Spoiler alert: they all are.)

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

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History (Education)

The fascinating reason people looked much older in the past than they do today

Why did teenagers look like they were in their mid-30s?

via Vsauce/YouTube

Norm was only in his 30s?

Ever look at your parents' high school yearbooks and think people looked so much older back then? All of the teenagers look like they’re in their mid-30s and the teachers who are 50 look like they’re 80. When we watch older movies, even those from the 1980s, the teenagers appear to be a lot older as well. Why is it that they looked so much older? Was life harder? Did people act more mature? Did they spend more time outdoors and less time playing video games? Is it their sense of fashion? Were they all smokers?

Educator Michael Stevens, who runs the super-popular Vsauce YouTube channel, explains the phenomenon in a video called, “Did people used to look older?” In it, he explains that people in the past appear a lot older due to retrospective aging.

This is how it works: when we see people in the past, they are wearing outdated styles that we associate with older people; therefore, we think they have aged rapidly. For example, a teenager in the 1950s may have been in fashion while wearing thick Buddy Holly-style glasses.

anti-aging, youth, why do i look older, how to look younger, treatments for looking younger, anti-aging productsBuddy Holly was 20 years old in this photo. upload.wikimedia.org

But as people age, they tend to cling to the fashion of their youth. So many people of that generation continued to wear the Buddy Holly-style glasses into their 50s. So when younger people see those glasses they see them as old people's glasses and not a hip kid from the '50s.

So in the photo from the '50s, the teen appears to look a lot older because our perspective has been tainted by time.

anti-aging, youth, why do i look older, how to look younger, treatments for looking younger, anti-aging products30 going on 60…media3.giphy.com

But it isn’t all just an illusion. Stevens also points out that people did age faster back in the day due to differences in nutrition, lifestyle and medicine. In addition, he also does a deep dive on how a person's name can affect their appearance, referencing the Dorian Gray effect, which theorizes that cultural stereotypes linked to a name come to be written on the faces of their bearers, as well as the name matching effect, in which people whose faces "match" their names tend to be better perceived.

Basically, this 22-minute video is chalked full of fascinating tidbits. Give it a watch below.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

It might be worth noting that, in addition to healthier lifestyle options, younger generations have more access to anti-aging procedures than ever before. "Tweakments," like fillers and botox, are less expensive and more readily available than ever—not to mention every anti-aging cream, serum, and cleanser known to man. And many millennials and Gen Zers take advantage of that, whether prompted by selfie anxiety, a growing obsession with youth, or some other motivation.

Plus, millennial and Gen Z fashion often honors their inner child. Nostalgic cartoon tees, colorful prints, cutesy accessories, etc. Granted, under the retrospective aging theory, even those styles could one day look dated, but they are so youthful that it's hard to imagine that being the case. That said, can't wait to see bunch of geezers sporting those broccoli haircuts.

This article originally appeared three years ago.

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videos
Parenting

20 parents share small things theirs did that made them feel loved, will pass down to their kids

"My dad showed up to everything. Every. Single. Thing."

Photo by Isaac Quesada on Unsplash

Man in blue denim jacket carrying girl in white sweater during daytime.

Sometimes the smallest interactions parents have with their kids can have the biggest impact. For parents looking to pass down the positive things their parents did raising them to their kids, they shared their experiences and ideas with others.

"I’d love to know positive memories from your childhood that standout to you. Could be small things your parents said or did to make you feel safe and loved, family trips you may have taken, traditions, or little things you did with your parents," the parent wrote on Reddit. "I want to be intentional with my children and give them a childhood that feels warm and happy and memorable. And I’d just love to hear others positive experiences."

Other parents did not hold back opening up about the meaningful memories. Twenty parents share how their parents made them feel loved and seen, and how they plan to do the same with their kids and generations after to build better relationships.

1. "My dad was never afraid to apologize. When I was about 8, I remember getting Big Red all over his car because I was pouring it out the window and watching it fly. I didn't realize it was getting all over the car (and probably other cars). We had just left the car wash. When we got home he freaked out and yelled and screamed. I got the car wash stuff out of the garage and just sat and cried for a bit. Then he came out and sat with me and said that dad's mess up too sometimes. He said he understood I was just being curious and did not mean it and he wished he had explained his frustration in a calmer way. He hugged me and helped me wash the car again. I remember that he said mean things, but not what he said before the apology. I remember just about every word of that apology though. I think that one sticks out because that was the maddest he had been at me up to that point...maybe ever. There a few other stand out ones, some were even funny, but he always used them as a time to reconnect and really make sure we knew he loved us and respected us." – sstr677

2. "My dad showed up to everything. Every. Single. Thing. Spelling bee, Girl Scouts, cheerleading. When my cheer games overlapped with Buckeye games, he brought his Walkman to listen to the game while he watched me cheer. He did the Girl Scout camp outs with us. I’m 33 and I know that if I called him right this second to say I needed him, he’d be here immediately." – books-and-baking-

dad cheering, dads, parents, good memories, familiesclapping father wild GIFGiphy

3. "My granny would always feed me unprompted. I would be relaxing watching TV and here she came with fresh cut fruit or a glass of sweet tea. It felt good knowing she was thinking of me. She also would always say “Penny for your thoughts” and I always felt open to sharing with her.. I miss her so much nobody ever loved me like Geneva." – AquafinaRaeGina

4. "We had movie nights on Fridays. We were pretty poor but every Friday, we’d go to little Cesar’s down the road and get a $5 pizza. Then we’d go to the dollar store and get to pick out our favorite $1 candy. We’d go home, watch the movie with our pizza and candy, and then have a camp out in the living room. My brothers and I would fight over who got the couch and who got the hand-me-down recliners haha. We’d also drag out all of our mattresses and sleep in the living room on Christmas Eve. My dad made sure to read us a story every night for years. We’d ride our bikes to the library on Saturday afternoons if he wasn’t working and pick our bedtime stories for the week." – Prize_Common_8875

5. "Either one of my parents tucked me into bed every single night and told me they love me, until I was a teen. Meant the world to me now I think back. Will definitely be doing this when my little one goes into his own room." – hainii

tuck in, parents, bedtime, love, memoriesbart simpson sleeping GIFGiphy

6. "One that sticks with me was my dad saying this to me over the years: “No matter where you are or what happens, if you need me, call me and nothing will keep me away.” He kept his promise till the day he died, and I miss him every day." – Baaaaaah-baaaaaah

7. "For me it was going to sporting events with my Dad. It doesn’t have to be even a professional game. I went to multiple games of mid tier college basketball locally with my Dad starting at 5. We would watch the game, hang out with his friends after, get popcorn and a soda, talk about the game on the drive back. It made me feel like I was not only his son but also a buddy that he wanted to talk to and hang out with. I do the same thing with my boys now. I don’t think it has to be sports. Whether it be going to the movies, concerts, plays, whatever including them on events you enjoy is a great way to bond and show love." – HangmanHummel

8. "My mom would leave sweet notes in our lunches. Not every day but I remember oftentimes getting “Happy Friday!” or “Good luck on your game today!” type of notes. I’m tearing up just thinking about it…" – JustAnotherPoster_

lunch note, parents, parenting, kindness, kidslunch i love you note GIF by eviteGiphy

9. "When I was a preteen/teenager, my dad would let me play whatever CD I wanted in his truck. I was an emo/goth/alternative kind of girl so music was important to me, and still is. He actually would give the music a chance and we ended up bonding over a bunch of bands you wouldn't guess he would even like, but it was so nice." – lisa_rae_makes

10. "Honestly as an adult, my mom went to therapy when I asked her to. She made significant growth over the last few ways and it’s allowed us to repair and deepen our relationship in a way I would have never imagined. It shows so much love and effort that at 60 she has learned how to take accountability and change how she treats us. It is my ongoing goal to always be willing to apologize to/listen to my kids." – hfdxbop

11. "Spaghetti was ready to serve with table set, right as I got home from track practice. The sunsetting rays would come through the windows and I could see the steam coming off food, table set beautifully. This was such a treat as a young teenager, I can replay this scene in my head clear as day. The feeling of emptiness being filled with that warm homemade, healthy meal - yeah, that's love." – NocturneGrind_739

spaghetti, meals, parents, parenting, teensMichelle Tanner Pasta GIFGiphy

12. "My dad has always randomly given me a hug and a kiss, followed by an 'I love you'—and he still does it, even now that I'm 38 years old. I'll be working at my desk, and he'll come over, give me a hug and a kiss, and say, 'I love you.'" – repderp

13. "As I was falling asleep, my mom would get up to leave and I’d reach out the her… she always quietly sat back down and continued waiting. It made me feel loved and safe. She died when I was young. Just knowing she always chose me was a gift. She also was always the first person to tell me happy birthday first thing in the morning before anyone else." – FoodisLifePhD

14. "My mom was at EVERY game, recital, musical, or other event I was a part of. She volunteered in our classrooms at school, on field trips, or behind the scenes in the productions I was in. She was always working too, but she did everything she could to be there for my extracurriculars and that meant so much." – savsheaxo

dad hug, parents, parenting, moms and dads, kidsdeandre jordan love GIF by NBAGiphy

15. "My dad would just hug me while I fell apart & cried. He did it until I’d stop. Happy to do the same with my kiddos." – offensivecaramel29

16. "Ever since I could remember, my dad told me beautiful bedtime stories where I was the main character, and he prompted me to add to the story, keeping things interesting. It helped build our communication and grow my imagination. ❤️" – JeremeysHotCNA

17. "Had room on their lap for me. Read books to me. Asked me what I thought or what I thought something was in nature? I was raised by hippies who did build me up to be smart and forever willing to learn from new things." – Spiritual_Lemonade


mom reading to kid, reading, bedtime, parents, teachingIs There Life Out There GIF by Reba McEntireGiphy

18. "When I started driving and borrowing my mom's car to go to parties, she told me, 'If you ever can't drive for any reason, including drinking, call me; I don't care how late it is. I won't give you a hard time when I come get you, and we can talk about whatever it is later. But I'd much rather you be safe and alive than feel like you have to hide something from me and do something dangerous.' I actually never ended up needing the offer, but I definitely felt much safer knowing I had an ace in my pocket." – Dowager-queen-beagle

19. "My parents were not perfect by any means but they were intentionally present in our lives and remain so to this day and I'm now 57. They show up, they respect our free will and support us even when they don't agree with us. They have independent relationships with their grandchildren. Their actions match their words and their actions are driven by their love for us." – DbleDelight

20. "One simple thing was whenever my dad ordered food, like from a fast food restaurant, he would always give them my name for the order. I felt so special and grown up to have my name called for the food." – Appropriate_Ad_6997

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Parenting

Psychologist shares the 3 things to say first when your child is upset about something

Dr. Becky says every parent needs to have these 3 lines in their toolbox.

Photo credit: Canva

It can be hard to know how to help a child who's upset about something

One of the unfortunate realities of parenting is that kids don't come with a manual. Sure, there are a bajillion parenting books out there, but anyone with more than one child knows that every kid is different, what works with one won't necessarily work with another, and parents frequently find themselves at a loss for how to handle the thousands of scenarios that pop up as you go through your parenting journey.

However, that doesn't mean expertise doesn't exist. Psychologists that specialize in children and families do have some insights into healthy child development and relationship dynamics, so it's worth taking advice from them when you feel completely at a loss. Like, for instance, when your child comes to you upset about something.

parenting, motherhood, fathernood, when your child is upset, dr. becky kennedyHelping kids become resilient is an ongoing process.Photo credit: Canva

As an adult, you may have more wisdom and perspective than your child. You might feel like they are overreacting or that they don't really have a good reason to be upset. Or, your kiddo may express their emotions with much more intensity than you do and you aren't sure how to navigate that. You worry you might say something that makes the situation worse.

Dr. Becky Kennedy, better known as "Dr. Becky," is a clinical psychologist and parenting coach who has become a popular voice of reason for today's generation of young parents. As a mom of three kids herself, she has not only the academic knowledge to back up her advice, but also the boots-on-the-ground experience that gives her credibility beyond just the letters behind her name and book titles under her belt.

In an interview with author and podcaster Lewis Howes, Dr. Becky shared the three lines she says every parent needs to have in their tool belt for when their child is upset.

#1. "I'm so glad you're talking to me about this."

"If I were to put this in an adult context, if I was like, 'I'm so mad at my husband, he never, whatever, he never is home for bedtime, and he forgot the one thing I said," said Dr. Becky. "And if I was like, 'Hey, you're never doing anything around the house, and I am really frustrated.' If he said to me, 'You know, Becky, you're upset but I'm so glad you're telling me about this,' I'd be like, 'I think we're good now. Like I don't even know—What was I upset about?' Because what someone's really saying to you when they says that is, 'This feeling in you that you're feeling is real, and I still want to be in a relationship with you when you're feeling that way.'"

In other words, they get the message that they are loved and accepted even when they're expressing upset or anger or hurt.

"Our kids need to absorb from us, from a resilience perspective, 'My parent can tolerate this part of me before I learn to tolerate this part of me.'"

#2. "I believe you."

Dr. Becky says this is the one line that's probably the most healing in people's childhoods and the most confidence-building.

She clarifies that it doesn't mean you believe everything a child says in their upset state. If they say, "It's so embarrassing, I'm never going to school again," it doesn't mean you believe they're really never going to go back to school. It means you believe that's how they feel. You're saying, "I believe it feels that bad."

"We actually say to our kids all the time, which terrifies me, 'I don't believe you,'" Dr. Becky said. "And if we wonder why people don't trust their emotions, it's because when they felt emotions that were strong, they received—not one time but over and over—a message of 'I know your feelings better than you know your feelings.'"

parenting, motherhood, fathernood, when your child is upset, dr. becky kennedy"I believe you" is a simple but powerful phrase.Photo credit: Canva

She explained that trusting your feelings becomes important in situations like when someone's pressuring you to do something you don't really want to do, giving a hypothetical example of her own daughter being in college and not wanting to go home with someone.

#3. "Tell me more."

Drawing out the full story, acknowledging and empathizing with the details that led your child to feel the way they do is important. Dr. Becky demonstrated how she would repeat back each detail as her child told a story, expressing hurt or embarrassment along with them as the story went on.

"And now, in all these moments that my kid was in pain—which, by the way, part of the pain is probably that they were alone—I'm kind of infusing myself in every moment," she explained. "I'm adding connection. I'm adding believing."

When you talk through an upsetting incident with a child this way, they're often ready to move on before you are, she said. They know that when they need you, they can always come back, and that's really what every parent wants—for our kids to know they can come to us when they need us, but for them to go out and live and learn on their own until they do.

You can follow Dr. Becky for more parenting wisdom on Instagram and TikTok.

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