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'Unlimited screen time.' 'Ice cream for dinner.' 18 moms revealed their 'deep dark' secrets.

It's refreshing to hear the truth.

mom secrets, reddit, screen time
via Keira Burton/Pexels

Being a mom can be frustrating.

No parent is perfect, even though some social media stars and mommy bloggers want us to think they have it all figured out. In the real world, parenting isn't that easy. Every parent is beautifully imperfect, and every kid is delightfully quirky. So, as long as we do our best, it’s more than enough.

A Reddit user who goes by brookeaat wanted to feel better about how she has fallen short of parental perfection. So she asked the followers of the BreakingMom subforum to “share their mom secrets so that I don’t feel so bad about myself."

She started the conversation by leading with her dark secret. “Sometimes I give my 5-month-old a little bit of water (like a capful from a plastic water bottle),” she wrote. “She loves it so much, and since it’s such a tiny amount, I don’t mind, but I know most other moms would judge the sh** out of me if I said that.”

For those who didn’t know, pediatricians say that you shouldn’t feed a baby water until they are 6 months old. “It’s because babies’ bodies aren’t suited for water until several months after birth. Tiny tummies and developing kidneys put them at risk for both nutrient loss and water intoxication,” Healthline reports in a medically-reviewed article.

Many of the responses centered around screen time, and many moms admitted to allowing their kids to have as much as they like. That opposes the recommendations that children under 2 years old should have zero screen time and those over 2 years old no more than two hours a day.

Many moms also admitted that they have given up trying to feed their children consistently healthy meals, and they have given in to their kids’ desire to each chicken and french fries for every meal.

Here are 18 of the most revealing “deep dark” mom secrets the mothers admitted to on the Reddit post.

1.

"Sometimes I just seriously want everyone in my house to leave me the f**k alone." — transponster99

2.

"My 2.5yo had two slices of cheese and an ice cream sandwich for dinner." — GroundbreakingTale24

3.

"Oh man... I don't care what my child eats. I mean, I CARE. I TRY. But it's so draining for me to fight him about food. He turned 3 in April and you know what? He gets almost all of the important vitamins/nutrients from smoothies. I hide zucchini and carrots in banana bread. Spinach is tasteless in smoothies. Eats pasta. Refuses veggies most of the time. Will eat chicken if fried or in nugget form but no other meat and no other way. If my child is gonna sit there and eat a whole loaf of bread, I really do not care anymore. I DO care about his sugar consumption. That's all lol." — Inner-Membership-175

4.

"Screen time is ongoing at my place. I’m 37 weeks pregnant and I don’t think I could do toddlering without Blues Clues. When this baby comes, I def will continue the screen time. Survival." — MaleficentMouse666

5.

"I'm tired of being nice to my kid all the time. She is like, the nicest lil 6 year old ever. Nice to toddlers. Popular with all ages. Sticks up for others. Would literally give me her last bite of ice cream if I asked. But, oh, man, I want to scream I DONT F****** CARE!!! the next time she says 'Mom, look at me...' do whatever inane thing she's already done 10000x. I want to scream SHUT UP FOR ONE DAMN MINUTE every time she runs out of her limitless words and begins just making stupid noises to entertain herself. I want to say OMG I DO EVERYTHING FOR YOU the next time she hits me with a weaponized 'you're weeelllcooom' when she does the barest minimum of anything and I'm supposed to fall over myself with gratitude. I want to ignore her every time she narrates her every friggin action to me, oh hey, she's telling me a riddle right now that makes no sense, oh god it's still going and I'm smiling and pretending to get it. Ha ha, that's a good one.
Seriously. The best kid ever. Teacher's favorite. Emotional intelligence far beyond her years. I'm a monster. I would never actually say any of this. But my poor brain, just let it hear itself think. Just let me be still. Let me stop having to react all the time." — throneofthornes

6.

"I regret having my oldest child. He has ruined my life and I’m stuck in a hellscape I never wanted for myself. My literal only hope some days is that he leaves at 18." — redtonks

7.

"My 11yo doesn’t have a bedtime or screen time restrictions (he has site/app restrictions)." — Its_Me_Jess

8.

"I rarely wash my kiddo's hair. I brush it and she takes baths daily, but I can’t justify her screaming every night." — Weekly Pie

9.

"I don’t usually bother to put anything more than a diaper on my one-year-old while we’re at home unless it’s cold or she’s going to bed. She eats in her pjs and they get covered in oatmeal, so I take them off and she just stays like that, not worth the fight and distress of the manhandling that she hates just so I can do even more laundry. Also, it’s interesting how even given the choice to watch as much TV and screens as she wants because I don’t limit it she watches only pretty much an hour a day." — PeachGotcha

10.

"I let my 2-year-old sleep on my butt most nights. He has a beautiful, woodland-themed bedroom complete with a large Montessori bed, camper-shaped tent, and Hatch machine.But he'd rather sleep to cat videos on the couch with my butt as a pillow." — Choice-Examination

11.

"Kids wear the same clothes for school and sleep 2 days straight because we bath every other day and I’m too lazy to change their clothes other than after bathing or if very dirty.

I only brush their teeth once a day.

I ditched safe sleep because my first had a horrible flat head, my second slept so much better in his stomach, and my third I didn’t even try safe sleep and I don’t feel guilty at all.

I also sometimes drink too much while watching the kids. That I feel guilty about." — babystay

12.

"I'd half charge the iPad and when the battery died, they were out of screen time for the day. Now they can turn on computers and the Xbox so they don't use the iPad anymore, but it always bought me enough time in the mornings to have some coffee and get ready." — CrimeBrulee_

13.

"My husband cleans the house while I breastfeed my kid to sleep. I almost always lay next to her for a bit longer and scroll on my phone and enjoy her presence until I can hear him finished, so that I don’t have to help." — HollyBethQ

14.

"My son slept in our bed until he was like 13 years old. Sometimes when he visits (he’s 23 now and turned out fine!) he will still get in my bed with me and read or watch videos. He also camps out in our bed (on my side) when I’m not there, so I think he just likes our bed." — Apprehensive_Set_151

15.

"I honestly can’t stand to be around my 8-year-old son anymore; I don’t like who he is. His behavior is awful and he does things purposely to shock and irritate me. He got mad and threw a toy at me the other night when I sent him to his room for time-out; he threw it so hard that it hit the floor and it bounced up and cut my leg. I feel like an awful mother/human being for feeling this way and it breaks my heart. I just don’t know what to do with him anymore. He’s in counseling and takes medication, but it only does so much." — NorwegianMuse

16.

"I let my 15-year-old drink. Sometimes. With family and food. If I, or my mother, has- cooked full, fancy, meal, and we’re all sitting down to with either a full bottle or a split, he can have a up to a glass with his meal." — [deleted]

17.

"I really don’t think I should have ever been a mom, I regret it a lot and wish I could do my life over. I do love my child with all my heart and try to do as best as I can and I will never let them know how I feel." — purplejanuary14

18.

"I just wanna say....I love all you ladies so much. This thread is hella refreshing!" — Bob-Bhlabla-esq







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A 6-year-old designed a custom t-shirt for his first day of school and it's seriously the best

Thank you, Blake, for bringing some much-needed sunshine into our day.

Unfading adornments

When 6-year-old Blake Rajahn shows up to his first grade classroom on Monday, he will arrive bearing an uplifting a message for his fellow students.

Blake's mother, Nikki Rajahn, runs a custom personalization business in Fayette County, Georgia, and she asked her son what kind of t-shirt he wanted for his first day of school. He could have chosen anything—his favorite sports star's number, a cool dragon, a witty saying—anything he wanted, she could make.

Blake chose something unexpected—an orange t-shirt with a simple, sweet message for the other kids at his school to see. Five little words that might just mean the world to someone who reads them.

"I will be your friend."

Ouch. My heart.

Rajahn shared the story on her business Facebook page:

"I have to brag on my son. I told him that as a back to school gift, I will make him any shirt he would like. It could have anything—a basketball theme, football, etc. which are all his favorites. He thought a while and said, 'will you please make me a shirt that says "I will be your friend" for all the kids who need a friend to know that I am here for them?' Never underestimate your kid's heart for others! I love my sweet Blake! #stopbullying"







Apparently, such a gesture is typical of Blake. "He has always had a heart for others and is very genuine," his mother told Upworthy. She said she's donating part of the proceeds of her t-shirt sales to the Real Life Center, a non-profit that helps families in need in Tyrone, Georgia, all because of Blake.

"During the summer we had a vacation Bible school that he went to," she said, "and they did a toothbrush and toothpaste drive for the Real Life Center. He came home saying we needed to go to the Dollar Store to get some that night. We told him we would go the next day, but he had to use his money for it. He said that was fine, so we asked how much he would like to spend. He said, 'It's for people who don't have any, right?' We said yes, so he very matter-of-fact said, 'Well all of it!' And he did!"

Rajahn said everyone has been very encouraging and people are starting to order their own version of the t-shirt with "#blakesfriends" added to it.

She also shared Blake's reaction to hearing that his shirt idea was starting to spread on Facebook—and again, it's just the sweetest darn thing.

"Ever since I posted about my son and his shirt, I have sold some and told Blake about it. He said, "Oh good! Now more and more people are going to have more and more friends!" He is just so flattered so many want to be his twin too 😊"

Sometimes all a person needs is one friend so they won't feel alone, and Blake going out of his way to make sure kids feel welcomed by him is an example even adults can learn from. If we all reached out to people who might be shy or who might feel excluded, and let them know in some small way that we are open to being friends, what a better world we could build.

Thank you, Blake, for bringing some much-needed sunshine into our day.


This article originally appeared on 8.2.19

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Health

Myth-destroying therapist explains why it's 'loving' for couples to go to bed angry

Love isn't that simplistic.

via Polina Zimmerman

A couple arguing before bedtime.

Just about everyone who has been married has been told countless times by older, more experienced couples that one of the most essential rules is, “Don’t go to bed angry.” They swear it’s best for a relationship to hash out the disagreement before bed and ensure it’s resolved before anyone gets any shut-eye.

That advice makes a lot of sense. It’s hard to get to sleep after fighting with your significant other. The argument keeps playing over and over again in your head. You may be angry. You may be hurt. That’s a bad position to be in, if you need to get your 40 winks.

However, making a big problem solvable by the time we go to bed is like watching a big family problem get fixed in 23 minutes on a sitcom. It's just not realistic. Some issues deserve more thought and conversation.

Dr. Alexandra Solomon, a licensed clinical psychologist at The Family Institute at Northwestern University and a clinical assistant professor in the Department of Psychology at Northwestern University, recently made the case that it’s “loving” to go to bed angry in the caption of a myth-busting Instagram post.



Dr. Solomon is also the host of the “Reimagining Love Podcast,” where she challenges some of the questionable messages we’re given about love and relationships.

“I’ve been a couples therapist for over a quarter of a century and I’m here to remind you that it’s OK to go to bed mad,” she wrote in the caption of a viral Instagram post. She adds that it can be “loving” to go to bed angry under the following circumstances:

  • You’re exhausted.
  • You don’t have privacy.
  • You’ve been drinking or using drugs
  • It’s late and you’re talking in circles
  • One of both of you has a big day tomorrow
  • You have little kids who’ll be up at the ass crack of dawn needing pancakes
  • You’re at risk of saying or doing something that you’ll regret because you’re upset and exhausted

couple fight, go to bed angry, conflict resolutionA couple fighting before bed.via Sasint/Pixabay

However, she also shared 5 reasons when it’s not OK to go to bed angry:

  • Not every night, not even lots of nights.⁣
  • Not to prove a point.⁣
  • Not to get the upper hand.
  • Not to punish your partner
  • Not to show your partner what a jerk they are

Dr. Solomon says being tired makes us more likely to make extreme arguments and be more hostile than when we are well-rested. She believes that when couples go to bed angry, they should do so consciously with their partners by calling a “time out” on the argument and acknowledging the difficult situation.

“This is a really hard conversation,” or “I think we both feel pretty hurt and misunderstood,” you could say before tabling the discussion for the following day. You can also perform a loving gesture, such as getting your partner a glass of water or squeezing their foot before bed to let them know you are still safe.



Relationship myths such as “don’t go to bed angry” can become a real problem for couples who fail to live up to what’s seen as the relationship gold standard. When couples violate the relationship commandment and go to bed angry, they blame themselves when really, they’re not doing anything wrong. Conflict is natural. So is being tired.

That’s why Dr. Solomon’s myth-busting, Disney-did-us-wrong approach is so important.

"We grow up on this study stream of fairytales, song lyrics and romantic comedies that give us a view of love that is simplistic and unrealistic," says Dr. Solomon told Parade. "Then, when we bump into problems and challenges in our own lives, we end up feeling like we are the problem, rather than the myths being the problem."

cvouple fight, conflict resolution, relationshipsA couple fighting before bed.via RDNE Stock project/Pexels

Ultimately, relationships are complex, and myths such as “don’t go to bed angry” and the “happily ever after” story we’re told as children give us a false impression about what love and true partnership are all about. Then, when we fail to meet those expectations, we find fault in ourselves and our partners.

"Going to bed mad is painful enough on its own," Dr. Solomon says. "It feels lonely. It feels yucky. To add another layer of shame—[that] somehow this is wrong, I'm wrong, you're wrong, we're wrong—makes a hard thing harder."

Dr. Solomoan wants us all to realize that relationships are complex. So there’s nothing wrong with giving each other a break and sleeping on it for a night.


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Hospice nurse shares clue she uses to know if someone is dying 6 months before it happens

"Allow the body to be the guide."

via Sabinevanerp/Pixabay

An old woman holding a cane.

Death is the last great mystery that all of us face. We don’t know when we will go or can really be sure what comes next. So there’s understandably a lot of fear and uncertainty that most of us feel around death, whether we’re thinking about ourselves or a loved one.

That’s why Julie McFadden's work is so important. As a palliative care nurse in the Los Angeles area, who has seen over a hundred people die, her TikTok videos shed light on the process to make us all a bit more comfortable with the inevitable.

McFadden is also the author of the bestseller, “Nothing to Fear.”

The nurse’s experience helping people in their final stages has given her a unique perspective on the process. In a recent video, she shared how she can see the first symptoms that someone is going to die a natural death about 6 months before they finally do.

Interestingly, she can determine that someone only has half a year left to live when most of us have no idea they have entered the final stages of life.

@hospicenursejulie

Replying to @Mariah educating yourself about scary topics will help decrease fear. ✨Nothing to Fear ✨- my book- out june 11th #hospicenursejulie #hospicenurse #caregiversoftiktok #medicaltiktok #learnontiktok #nothingtofearbook

What are the symptoms of dying at the 6-month mark?

McFadden adds that people who are dying are usually placed in hospice care when the symptoms begin to appear around the 6-month mark.

"You will have very generalized symptoms. Those symptoms will usually be, one, you will be less social. So you'll be more introverted than extroverted," McFadden said. "Two, you will be sleeping a lot more. And three, you will be eating and drinking a lot less. Literally, everyone on hospice, I see this happen to."

heaven, clouds, ray of lightA Ray of light over a mountain. via PIxbay/Pexels



What are the symptoms of dying at the 3-month mark?

You are going to notice more debility,” McFadden continues. “They will be staying in their house most of the time. It's going to be difficult getting up and just going to the bathroom. Again, sleeping a lot more and eating and drinking a lot less.”

What are the symptoms of dying at the 1-month mark?

Something usually begins to happen in the final month of someone’s life. They start to believe they are in contact with others they have lost. It’s like they are there to make the dying person feel comfortable with their final transition.

"Usually around the one month mark is when people will start seeing 'the unseen', they have the visioning. They'll be seeing dead relatives, dead loved ones, dead pets, old friends who have died,” McFadden said. “Again, not everyone — but many, many people will start seeing these things at around one month."

heaven, death, trumpetAn angel with a trumpet.via PixaBay/Pexels

Angela Morrow, a registered nurse at Verywell Health, agrees that people in the final stage of life often hear from those who have passed before them. Morrow says we should refrain from correcting the patients when they share their stories of talking to people and pets who have died. "You might feel frustrated because you can't know for sure whether they're hallucinating, having a spiritual experience, or just getting confused. The uncertainty can be unsettling, but it's part of the process," Morrow writes.

At the end of the video, McFadden says that the most important factors palliative care nurses look at to determine the stage of death are eating, drinking and sleeping. “Most people, a few weeks out from death, will be sleeping more than they are awake. And they will be barely eating and barely drinking,” McFadden said.

i.giphy.com

In the end, hospice nurses “allow the body to be the guide” as they help their patients transition from life to death.

McFadden’s work has brought a lot of peace to her followers as they go through trying times. "My mom is in hospice right now and she’s currently, I think, hours or days from death. YourTikToks have helped me out tremendously," Deb wrote. "My grandma passed away in February, and she experienced all of this. this page brings me peace knowing everything she went through was natural," Jaida added.

"Thanks, Julie. I volunteer in a hospice end-of-life facility, and this helps educate the families. Your posts are wonderful," Grandma Nita wrote.

One of the things that makes death so scary is the number of unknowns surrounding the process. That’s why it’s so important that McFadden shares her stories of helping people to the next side. She shows that death is a natural process and that hospice nurses are here to help make the transition as peaceful as possible.

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Woman shares sweet exchange with 92-year-old grandpa who invited her over for 'sleepover'

“We can order food and watch a mystery show. Love, grandpa.”

Photo by Mark Farías on Unsplash
man in black suit jacket kissing woman in white sleeveless dress

Loneliness is one of the most dangerous health problems in the United States, although it’s seldom discussed. Psychology Today says loneliness has the same mortality risks as obesity, smoking, alcoholism and physical inactivity.

A meta-analysis from Brigham Young University found that social isolation may increase the risk of premature death by up to 50%. The problem with loneliness is that people suffer in silence and it afflicts the ones we don’t see.

A TikTok user who goes by the name Megan Elizabeth recently shared a touching story on social media about how her grandfather was feeling lonely so he reached out to her.

The story shows what can happen when one person is brave enough to confront their social isolation and the important role grandkids can play in their grandparents’ lives.

It started when Megan's grandpa texted her to ask if she'd like to come over for a sleepover. “I haven’t been feeling well and miss you. We can order food and watch a mystery show. Love, grandpa,” he wrote.

Megan was happy to go see him, so grandpa made a series of requests to make the sleepover a hit.

“Could you pick up applesauce? The cinnamon kind,” he asked. “And if you go somewhere with mash potatoes, I would like that because I have no teeth and can only eat soft things. Ha!”

He also wanted some strawberry ice cream for dessert. “Thank you. You are my favorite granddaughter,” he ended the conversation. Megan later noted that she’s his only granddaughter.

Megan came by with a big bag of food and some ice cream and the two hung out and watched his favorite black-and-white “mystery movies.”

When it was time for bed, grandpa hadn't forgotten how to put her to sleep. He got her a glass of water to put by the bed in case she got thirsty and left a flashlight on the nightstand just in case his 29-year-old granddaughter got scared.

The next morning, at 5:30 am, he watched her leave for work.

Grandfather and granddaughter grew up close to one another.

Megan lived with her grandparents when she was young while her parents saved up money for a house. When they bought one, it was right across the street.

“I am so lucky to have grown up with my grandpa and my grandma (rest in peace),” she wrote on Instagram. “I feel so happy. I am thankful for my grandpa and he will never understand how much love he truly has shown me. And more importantly, the love he showed my grandma while she was alive. I believe in love and loyalty because of this man. He is my hero,” she added.

Megan's time with her grandfather made her realize a valuable lesson about her life.

"I think one of the most important realizations I have had recently is that it’s important to live in the moment but it is important to live in the now with intent," she wrote on Instagram, "so that when you are 92, you look back and smile at all the people you loved, the memories you made and the life you chose to live."


This article originally appeared on 04.27.22

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Incredible 'bird feeder' photos give a whole new perspective on our feathered friends

It's amazing the magic we can find in our own yards.

via Carla Rhodes

Two northern cardinals captured on Carla Rhodes' bird-feeder camera.

The pandemic has caused many people to reevaluate their surroundings. When you’re stuck at home more often than you’d like, you start to pay a lot more attention to what goes on in your own backyard.

This type of introspection inspired wildlife photographer Carla Rhodes to get a closer look at the furry friends that live near her home in the Catskill mountains of New York.

What she found was magical.

“The winter of 2020-2021 was particularly brutal to humankind. After months of enduring the Covid-19 pandemic, we were now collectively slogging through winter. As a result of being stuck at home, I focused on my immediate surroundings like never before,” Rhodes said in a statement.

Rhodes positioned a DSLR camera trap beneath her bird feeder to get an up-close glimpse of the wildlife that came to sample her delicious seeds.

The results are an incredible series of photos of birds and other woodland creatures from a vantage point most people never see. Rhodes calls her project, "Beneath the Bird Feeder."

The birdfeeder photos also gave a new glimpse into the behavior of several species of birds and rodents that call the Catskills home.

“As I got deeper into the project, intriguing observations emerged,” Rhodes says. “I noticed distinct repeat visitors such as a Dark-Eyed Junco with an overgrown beak, a deer mouse with a notched ear, and an irruption of Red-Breasted Nuthatches. Dark-Eyed Juncos always showed up at the crack of dawn and Northern Cardinals would always be the last visitor of the day as dusk turned into evening.”

Here are 15 of the most captivating photos that Rhodes captured from beneath her bird feeder.

1. Dark-eyed junco

via Carla Rhodes

"Often overlooked and considered drab ground-feeding birds, Dark-Eyed Juncos hold a special place in my heart due to their funny and curious behaviors. Every day they were first to arrive beneath the bird feeder," Rhodes says. "Dark-Eyed Juncos were one of the most frequent and curious subjects beneath the bird feeder."

2. Dark-eyed junco

via Carla Rhodes

3. Dark-eyed junco

via Carla Rhodes

4. Tufted titmouse

via Carla Rhodes

According to All About Birds, the tufted titmouse is "common in eastern deciduous forests and a frequent visitor to feeders."

5. Mourning dove

via Carla Rhodes

​"Observing Mourning Doves was a daily pleasure, especially when they gathered to form a clean-up crew beneath the bird feeder. Mourning doves are monogamous and possibly mate for life," Rhodes writes.

6. Mourning dove 

via Carla Rhodes

7.  Mourning doves

via Carla Rhodes

8. Blue jay

via Carla Rhodes

"Blue Jays are known for their intelligence and complex social systems with tight family bonds," All About Birds says. "Their fondness for acorns is credited with helping spread oak trees after the last glacial period."

9. Northern cardinal

via Carla Rhodes

"Northern Cardinals were always the last to show up beneath the bird feeder, shortly after dusk every evening," Rhodes writes.

10. Black-capped chickadee

via Carla Rhodes

"Little flocks of Black-capped Chickadees enliven the winter woods with their active behavior and their cheery-sounding chick-a-dee callnotes as they fly from tree to tree, often accompanied by an assortment of nuthatches, creepers, kinglets, and other birds," the Audubon field guide to North American birds says.

11. Black-capped chickadee

via Carla Rhodes

12. Eastern gray squirrel

via Carla Rhodes

Eastern gray squirrels are important members of forest ecosystems as they play a vital role in dispersing seeds.

 13. American red squirrel

via Carla Rhodes

The American red squirrel is known for its distinct bushy and dark red tail with hints of a white outline.

14. American red squirrel

via Carla Rhodes

15. Northern short-tailed shrew

via Carla Rhodes

If you see a northern short-tailed shrew, be careful. It's venomous and paralyzes its victims with poisonous saliva. In humans, a bite can cause swelling and intense pain.


This article originally appeared on 01.03.22

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