+
“A balm for the soul”
  review on Goodreads
GOOD PEOPLE Book
upworthy
Identity

Researcher shares 'men are too feminine and women too masculine' claims dating back to the 1800s

Some of these freakouts are just wild.

men women masculine feminine
Photo by Everton Vila on Unsplash

Shifting gender norms and stereotypes have caused freakouts throughout modern history.

Since ancient times, people from older generations have lamented what they perceive to be a diminishment of character qualities in the younger generation. In fact, it's such a common phenomenon that scientists have studied and named it—the "kids these days" effect. And they have found, perhaps unsurprisingly, that the elders who think youngsters are oh-so-different from how they were when they were young are generally mistaken.

But this perpetual hand-wringing over perceived generational changes is not limited to kids versus adults. It manifests in all kinds of ways, including regularly scheduled moral panic over gender roles and norms (largely based on gender stereotypes).

Gender is not a simple subject, no matter how simplistic certain people try to make it. What we view as masculine or feminine comes from a complex mixture of culture, history, psychology, biology, sociology and every other lens through which we analyze the world. Additionally, those views of what is masculine and what is feminine can come with judgments and biases, resulting in all kinds of emotions and gut responses when our gender expectations and assumptions are challenged.

Paul Fairie, a senior research associate and professor at the University of Calgary, shared "A Brief History of Men Today Are Too Feminine and Women Too Masculine" on Twitter. The thread contained nothing but clippings showing people's fears about gender shifts and the year the clippings came from.

He began with 2020 and 2018, sharing what appear to be quotes from Candace Owens, Ben Shapiro and Alex Jones, three right-wing influencers who have lamented what they claim is the loss of "manly men" and masculinity.

It's not a new freakout, however. Fairie shared clippings from 2004, 1997, 1984, 1977, 1965, 1950, 1940 and so on—all the way back to 1886—showing people expressing concern about men becoming more feminine and women becoming more masculine.

"Women's-lib stuff" being blamed for the "wimping" of America isn't surprising to see, but living in high-rise apartments causing men to be effeminate is a new one.

Apparently lilac pajamas were considered totally unmanly, despite purple traditionally being the color of kings. Huh.

Ah yes, the century-old women in sports controversy. "IN NO OTHER COUNTRY IN THE WORLD DO YOU SEE SUCH MASCULINE-LIKE FIGURES AS THE AMERICAN WOMEN HAVE." OK, calm down, John Alexander from 1910. If you'd lived another 110 years, you'd see how much time and energy you wasted worrying about this.

This one from 1886 is fabulous, just for the language. "Women are growing more dashing." (Can we go back to using the word "dashing" more often? Great word.)

So much of this sounds so familiar, doesn't it? Fretting over changes in fashion, wigging out over women advancing in athletics and wailing over what will become of men and women if people exhibit varying degrees of traditionally masculine or feminine traits.

Some of this is to be expected, as we've witnessed humanity moving closer and closer to recognizing gender equality. While equality doesn't mean sameness, much of what we view as masculine or feminine is wrapped up in patriarchal views of gender roles, and the dismantling of patriarchal systems and expectations will naturally disrupt those views. Judgments over masculinity and femininity are also wrapped up in homophobia and transphobia, so greater inclusion and acceptance of LGBTQ+ people are throwing those judgments into disarray as well.

None of that is a bad thing. We don't have to throw the baby out with the bathwater and ditch the concepts of masculinity and femininity altogether, but we do need to acknowledge that many of the things people fret over when it comes to gender are just silly.

From Your Site Articles
gender norms
Education

Why didn't people smile in old photographs? It wasn't just about the long exposure times.

People blame these serious expressions on how long they had to sit for a photo, but that's not the whole picture.

Public domain images

Photos from the 1800s were so serious.

If you've ever perused photographs from the 19th and early 20th century, you've likely noticed how serious everyone looked. If there's a hint of a smile at all, it's oh-so-slight, but more often than not, our ancestors looked like they were sitting for a sepia-toned mug shot or being held for ransom or something. Why didn't people smile in photographs? Was life just so hard back then that nobody smiled? Were dour, sour expressions just the norm?

Most often, people's serious faces in old photographs are blamed on the long exposure time of early cameras, and that's true. Taking a photo was not an instant event like it is now; people had to sit still for many minutes in the 1800s to have their photo taken.

Ever try holding a smile for only one full minute? It's surprisingly difficult and very quickly becomes unnatural. A smile is a quick reaction, not a constant state of expression. Even people we think of as "smiley" aren't toting around full-toothed smiles for minutes on end. When you had to be still for several minutes to get your photo taken, there was just no way you were going to hold a smile for that long.

But there are other reasons besides long exposure times that people didn't smile in early photographs.

1800s photographsWhy so serious? Public domain

The non-smiling precedent had already been set by centuries of painted portraits

The long exposure times for early photos may have contributed to serious facial expressions, but so did the painted portraits that came before them. Look at all of the portraits of famous people throughout history prior to cameras. Sitting to be painted took hours, so smiling was out of the question. Other than the smallest of lip curls like the Mona Lisa, people didn't smile for painted portraits, so why would people suddenly think it normal to flash their pearly whites (which were not at all pearly white back then) for a photographed one? It simply wasn't how it was done.

A smirk? Sometimes. A full-on smile? Practically never.

"Mona Lisa" by Leonardo da Vinci, painted in 1503Public domain

Smiling usually indicated that you were a fool or a drunkard

Our perceptions of smiling have changed dramatically since the 1800s. In explaining why smiling was considered taboo in portraits and early photos, art historian Nicholas Jeeves wrote in Public Domain Review:

"Smiling also has a large number of discrete cultural and historical significances, few of them in line with our modern perceptions of it being a physical signal of warmth, enjoyment, or indeed of happiness. By the 17th century in Europe it was a well-established fact that the only people who smiled broadly, in life and in art, were the poor, the lewd, the drunk, the innocent, and the entertainment […] Showing the teeth was for the upper classes a more-or-less formal breach of etiquette."

"Malle Babbe" by Frans Hals, sometime between 1640 and 1646Public domain

In other words, to the Western sensibility, smiling was seen as undignified. If a painter did put a smile on the subject of a portrait, it was a notable departure from the norm, a deliberate stylistic choice that conveyed something about the artist or the subject.

Even the artists who attempted it had less-than-ideal results. It turns out that smiling is such a lively, fleeting expression that the artistically static nature of painted portraits didn't lend itself well to showcasing it. Paintings that did have subjects smiling made them look weird or disturbing or drunk. Simply put, painting a genuine, natural smile didn't work well in portraits of old.

As a result, the perception that smiling was an indication of lewdness or impropriety stuck for quite a while, even after Kodak created snapshot cameras that didn't have the long exposure time problem. Even happy occasions had people nary a hint of joy in the photographs that documented them.

wedding party photoEven wedding party photos didn't appear to be joyful occasions.Wikimedia Commons

Then along came movies, which may have changed the whole picture

So how did we end up coming around to grinning ear to ear for photos? Interestingly enough, it may have been the advent of motion pictures that pushed us towards smiling being the norm.

Photos could have captured people's natural smiles earlier—we had the technology for taking instant photos—but culturally, smiling wasn't widely favored for photos until the 1920s. One theory about that timing is that the explosion of movies enabled us to see emotions of all kinds playing out on screen, documenting the fleeting expressions that portraits had failed to capture. Culturally, it became normalized to capture, display and see all kind of emotions on people's faces. As we got more used to that, photo portraits began portraying people in a range of expression rather than trying to create a neutral image of a person's face.

Changing our own perceptions of old photo portraits to view them as neutral rather than grumpy or serious can help us remember that people back then were not a bunch of sourpusses, but people who experienced as wide a range of emotion as we do, including joy and mirth. Unfortunately, we just rarely get to see them in that state before the 1920s.

From Your Site Articles
history
Joy

17 uplifting memes about kindness to celebrate #WorldKindnessDay

"It takes nothing from a human to be kind to an animal."

via Canva/Photos

World Kindness Day is November 13.

November 13 is World Kindness Day, a global observation emphasizing the need to be kind to one another to thrive peacefully as a worldwide community. The World Kindness Movement first celebrated the day at a 1998 Tokyo conference and has spread worldwide for 26 years.

If you missed celebrating on the 13th, don’t worry. World Kindness Week is celebrated through November 18. But, of course, we can all be kind every day, can’t we? Whether to our friends and family, strangers, animals, or ourselves, a commitment to kindness can make a huge difference in everyone's life.

Why does kindness matter?

Studies have shown that people who engage in regular acts of kindness report higher life satisfaction and overall happiness. They also have reduced symptoms of depression and improved mental well-being. The great thing is that an act of kindness doesn’t stop there. Studies show that acts of kindness can have a ripple effect and spread like wildfire.

World Kindness Day even got the folks on X, known for salty barbs and controversial political takes, to calm down and think about what really matters in life. Here are some of the most uplifting posts made under #WorldKindnessDay.

Be kind because you never know what other people are going through.



#WorldKindessDay is a great reminder to make kindness your purpose in life.



Small acts of kindness for others can make a difference.



#WorldKindnessDay is a great reminder to be kind to animals and care for the environment so they can thrive.


Mr. Rogers knew a thing or two about kindness. How can we use his example to bring more kindness into the world?



Remember to be kind to yourself.


People didn’t just celebrate World Kindness Day on X. Krispy Kreme put its money where its mouth is by giving away free boxes of a dozen Original Glazed donuts to the first 500 customers at select locations nationwide. “We hope that each dozen Original Glazed doughnuts we give away enables and inspires many dozens of small acts of kindness,” Dave Skena, Krispy Kreme’s Global Chief Brand Officer, said in a statement.

Tom Cledwyn of London, England, is also putting his money on the line for World Kindness Day. He encourages people to start conversations with strangers at the city’s shops, bus stops, tube stations—and even urinals. If they happen to speak with the right stranger on World Kindness Day, they could win £25,000 ($32,000) in cash. His goal is to push back against the stereotype that Londoners are unfriendly.

"There is a sense of injustice Londoners feel about being labeled as unfriendly," Cledwyn said, according to The Mirror. "All they have to do to prove the world wrong is to talk to strangers for the day. Spending a moment or your time to acknowledge and engage with someone is the simplest form of kindness there is. Everywhere needs more kindness right now. In that respect, London is no different to anywhere else."

From Your Site Articles
kindness
Music

5-year-old Italian piano prodigy rocks Mozart at international competition and holy cow

Alberto has already won multiple international competitions.

Pianoforte/Facebook

Alberto Cartuccia Cingolani wows audiences with his amazing musical talents.

Mozart was known for his musical talent at a young age, playing the harpsichord at age 4 and writing original compositions at age 5. So perhaps it's fitting that a video of 5-year-old piano prodigy Alberto Cartuccia Cingolani playing Mozart has gone viral as people marvel at his musical abilities.

Alberto's legs couldn't even reach the pedals, but that didn't stop his little hands from flying expertly over the keys as incredible music pours out of the piano at the 10th International Musical Competition "Città di Penne" in Italy in 2022. Even if you've seen young musicians play impressively, it's hard not to have your jaw drop at this one. Sometimes a kid comes along who just clearly has a gift.

Of course, that gift has been helped along by two professional musician parents. But no amount of teaching can create an ability like this.

Alberto first started playing in 2020 in the early months of the COVID-19 pandemic. Italy was one of the first countries to experience a serious lockdown, and Alberto's mother used the opportunity to start teaching her son to play piano. Alessia Cingolani and her husband Simone Cartuccia are both music conservatory graduates, and mom Alessia told Italian entertainment website Contrataque that she and her husband recognized Alberto's talent immediately.

She said that although Alberto spends a lot of time at the piano, he also has plenty of time for school and play and television, like a normal kid.

There's genuinely nothing "normal" about this kid's piano playing, though. Watch:

Wow, right? There are countless adults who took years of piano lessons and never got to that level of playing. It's like he's channeling Amadeus himself.

According to Corriere Adriatico, by the time he was 4 1/2 years old, Alberto had participated in seven national and international online competitions and won first place in all of them. His mother told the outlet that he started out practicing for about 10 minutes a day and gradually increased to three hours.

"He has a remarkable flair for the piano," she said. Um, yeah. Clearly.

Some commenters expressed some concern for the boy based on his seriousness and what looks like dark circles under his eyes in the video, but if you check out other videos of Alberto playing at home, he is more relaxed. Most of his playing and competition entries have been done online, so performing for a crowd is probably new for him. And in interviews, his mother has made it clear that they prioritize normal childhood activities.

Some children are just genuine prodigies, and Alberto certainly seems to fit that bill. Can't wait to see what kind of musical future awaits this kid.


This article originally appeared on 5.4.22

From Your Site Articles
Joy

Veterinarian has perfect response after being told it's 'disgusting' to let cats on furniture

It has cat people everywhere rejoicing.

@dr.mattmcglasson/Instagram

Pretty sure every cat person feel the same way.

No one would get a dog expecting it to not bark, try to eat human food or need daily walks. And yet people regularly get flummoxed when their just-as-loveable cat exhibits completely natural behaviors like climbing tabletops or scratching at furniture.

Of course, cat people, who delight in adapting their life to make it as enriching as possible for their feline fur babies, know the flaws of this logic. After all, most cats spend more time in the house than their human counterparts. So shouldn’t the house belong just as much to them?

If you answered yes—then this clapback video (from a vet, no less), should have you feeling pretty vindicated. And if you answered no—prepare to see the error of your ways.

Dr. Matt McGlasson is a veterinarian in Kentucky, who also happens to be the proud dad of a 5-year-old special needs cat named Rupaul.

McGlasson recently was told by a viewer that it’s "disgusting" that he allows Rupaul on his furniture (as opposed to human butts only, which are okay, I guess?).

McGlasson’s response to this comment recently racked up over 11.8 million views, with good reason.

In a clip posted to his Instagram, McGlasson holds up Rupaul, who can’t use her hind legs, and shamelessly lists off all the other things he would allow for his kitty, including:

-Cosigning a loan for Rupaul

-Letting Rupaul do his taxes

-Giving Rupaul the passwords to all of his accounts.

-Capital Punishment, which he’s not normally a support of. But if someone hurts Rupaul, “that’s another story."

-Going into a business with Rupaul

-Giving Rupaul $20,000 for bringing him a dead mouse

-Making Rupaul the beneficiary on my life insurance policy.

And last, but certainly not least…letting Rupaul on the furniture.

Put simply: “My cat can do whatever she wants. It's her world. I'm just living in it.”

Down in the comments, fellow cat owners couldn’t agree more with McGlasson’s sentiment.

“My husband picked his new chair based on the cat , the arm had to be wide enough for her to sit whenever she chooses to have quality time with him.”

“I would donate my kidneys to Square if she needed them. Yes… I mean both 😂”

“‘You let your cat sleep with you?’ Ma’am, I’d let him represent me in court.”

“I bought my house for my senior kitties. I wanted to get out of our apartment so they could feel grass beneath their paws again before their time was up.”

Others reiterated how it’s a gift to be able to create a healthy, happy life for a pet, and freaking out about furniture is kind of missing the joint.

“Like I don't understand ppl who r so against cats on furniture. If ur against pets on furniture probably don't have them. Treat your pets with love and respect. When you take an animal into ur home it becomes their home and safe place. All of the things in ur house become a part of their world and cats like to naturally be elevated. My cats do what they want because they aren't pets they are family. They own the place I just live here. Lol,” wrote one person.

Bottom line: climbing is part of a cat’s inherent programming. And if cat owners truly want their home to be a safe space for their kitty, then this should be taken into consideration.

The good news is, there are plenty of cat-friendly ways you can coax them off of furniture, like making sure there are plenty of dedicated cat trees to climb and scratching posts to sink their claws into, or opting for furniture with fabrics that cats don’t love as much, like microfiber.

And as a general rule, cats respond to positive reinforcement, rather than punishment. Contrary to outdated, yet still popular belief, cats don’t “know” when they're being bad. And they will learn to associate their own with negative attention. That’s not fun for anyone.

As McGlasson, or any other pet owner can attest, having their presence in our homes provides so much fulfillment and connection, that small compromises—or large bank loans—are well worth it.

By the way, McGlasson’s TikTok and Instagram are full of hilarious cat content, so be sure to give him a follow.

From Your Site Articles
humor
Humor

Guy turns dating advice on its head with 34 heartfelt 'playa moves' for single men

Excellent advice for men that actually works.

BlanksheetPlaya/TikTok

A relatively unknown creator on TikTok has been making waves recently.

Known as "Blanksheet Playa," the creator from Vancouver has been dishing out tips for men for the past couple of months: Tips for dating, self-confidence, health, fitness, you name it.

He recently went mega viral in an untagged post on X, so I had to track him down and see his videos for myself.

I was not disappointed by what I found.

The advice is — what he calls "Playa Moves" — is not what you'd expect.

In one of Blanksheet Playa's most popular videos, he gives words of encouragement for guys who are nervous when talking to girls.

"Playa move. If you are nervous when speaking to a female, communicate that to her. By saying this out loud, it will automatically calm your nerves. And if she is a good person, she will provide comfort. This will, in turn, relax you even further and allow the best of your personality to shine through."

And then he hits his signature sign off. "Real playa shit."

@blanksheet.playa

Playa move number seventeen.

Here's another 'playa move' from the man himself. "Respect women at all times."

Respect is, according to Blanksheet, the key distinction between a player and a playa.

"Players deceive, undermine and lie to women to get into bed with them. Playas use our ability in a positive way, to have mutually respecting and honest relationships with women."


@blanksheet.playa

Playa move number six.

Here are a few other certified 'Playa Moves' to improve your dating life and self-confidence:

To date, he's offered 34 Playa Moves. Here are a few of my favorites.

  • Get serious about wearing condoms (good advice for Gen Z men who refuse to do this)
  • Go down on your women (the oral sex gap is real, and due for a shakeup)
  • Receive all hate with love (just a good way to make the world a better place)

(Not all the tips are a homerun. Like "Never read," and "Hide your emotions" — come on, playa.)

The Playa Moves are resonating with guys and girls everywhere.

"so many men don't realize that just being authentic and kind will take you further than any kind of bravado ever will," one commenter wrote.

"i was waiting for a punchline,' wrote another about the bait-and-switch set up to the videos, "and then by the end i didn’t want a punchline"

"Wow, I expected a joke but that was solid advice," added another.

I've come across enough terrible Gen Z dating advice on TikTok to know the good stuff when I see it.

Most of it has to do with trying to become someone you're not, whether it's reshaping your mouth and eyebrows with creams and daily stretches, or talking less to appear more mysterious.

Here's a dude advocating for people to be the best version of their authentic selves, and to be open and honest in their communications. If people don't like you as you are? Blanksheet says that's cool, there are plenty of fish in the sea.

Even better, he's doing it in a funny way, which helps the message spread even farther.

Keep it up, playa. This is the advice guys really need right now.

From Your Site Articles
dating
Trending Stories